Wednesday, October 1, 2014

"Jumping the Fence" and "Clarity About Charity"

Recently, Omar Gonzalez and Kevin Carr were arrested for hopping over the White House fence. Gonzalez made it all the way inside, proving that Ronald Kessler wasn’t just whistling Dixie when he wrote in “The First Family Detail” about all the corners the Secret Service has been cutting over the past several years, just so that the directors can take bows for cutting costs.

On the other hand, when you realize how Obama and the Democrats have conspired to erase our borders, it seems hypocritical that they can encourage millions of aliens to trespass in America, but feel entitled to throw the book at a couple of guys for daring to trespass in Obama’s temporary digs.

Some people have been astonished at the ease with which Gonzalez and Carr carried off their stunt. But that’s nothing compared to the ease with which Barack Hussein Obama managed to sneak into the White House.

Recently, a city in Florida passed an ordinance that banned the wearing of low-riding trousers that exposed at least two inches of underwear or buttocks. But the NAACP got it rescinded, claiming it profiled black men. Being a fan of irony, I live for such moments, because I would say that the real profiling was done by the NAACP. After all, it wasn’t the city fathers who said that only blacks would be precluded from making that stupid fashion statement. It was the NAACP that jumped to the conclusion that blacks would be the group the council specifically had in mind. The real question is why the NAACP would wish to embarrass itself by endorsing black brats flashing black butts in public.

Speaking of embarrassing, John Harding recently let me know that in 1830, there were 3,400 black slave owners in America. I have no idea how many descendants they had over the next 184 years, but it does raise the very real possibility that when a black thug mugs a white person in 2014, it could very easily mean that someone whose ancestor was a slave owner is beating up someone whose ancestor fought and possibly died to free the slaves.

But, then, Democrats don’t really mind embarrassing themselves because they have no sense of shame. Otherwise the Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, wouldn’t have ever dreamed of describing conservatives as wife-beaters. For the life of me, I don’t know how people like Wasserman-Schultz, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, wind up being the public face of a major political party. With her out of control curls, Debbie resembles a Jewish Medusa. Come to think of it, she is every Jewish guy’s nightmare, reminding him of the one and only blind date he ever let his beloved grandmother arrange.

Being Jewish myself, it’s a constant source of shame that so many of my fellow Jews bring ridicule and scorn on their fellow religionists. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had gentiles ask me how it is that we seem to have an endless source of people like Ms. Wasserman-Schultz, Barney Frank, Henry Waxman, Chuck Schumer, Brad Sherman, Barbara Boxer, Al Franken, David Axelrod, Rahm Emanuel and Rahm’s brother, Ezekiel.

In case Ezekiel Emanuel isn’t as well known to you as the others, he is Obama’s go-to guy when it comes to the Affordable Care Act. He helped create it and he has spent the past few years defending it. Without actually coming out and admitting that ObamaCare calls for death panels, he has said that it would shave medical costs and save health care for the young, if the elderly would make do with pain killers and refrain from having life-saving operations performed. Emanuel, who is 57, claims he plans to die when he hits 75. But I don’t believe him. After all, he also said ObamaCare would save people a ton of money and that, if they liked them, people would be able to keep their doctors and their insurance policies. (Where do you think Obama first heard it?)

It so happens I’ll be turning 75 this January (the 5th, in case some of you like to get your gift –shopping done early), but even if I were turning 25, I’d find his remarks revolting. But what I’d really like to know is what his parents think about it. You see, Ben and Marsha are well up in their 80s. If their other sons ask them what they’d like for Chanukah, they might consider asking for a food-taster.

The thing that surprises me the most about liberals is how stupid they are. I don’t just mean they’re wrong on all the issues. That’s a given. But they really are ignorant. For instance, they seem genuinely unaware that if you raise the minimum wage from $7 to $10 or even $15, as the pinheads have done in Washington, most employers are going to fire a majority of their low-skilled workers rather than shell out $20,000- $30,000-a-year.

They also seem surprised to discover that if employers are going to be penalized under ObamaCare for having more than 50 employees working more than 30 hours-a-week, they will simply limit their employees to 49 and make certain that nobody works more than 29 hours-a-week.

But, then, their grasp of economics is so pathetic that they’ve never understood that if you raise the rate on corporate taxes, the corporations will merely pass the burden on to those paying for their products and services.

How stupid are liberals? Well, it seems that 2% of them believe Obama’s been too tough on the Islamic State. Too tough? How can anyone be too tough when it comes to those beheading Americans and Brits on TV?

In one of his biggest lies, Obama announced that the Islamic State was neither Islamic nor a state. As proof, he provided the bromide that no religion condones the killing of innocent people. For good measure, we had the prominent theologian John Kerry parroting the refrain that Islam is a religion of peace.

Whether it’s Muslims, Hispanic intruders or black race hustlers, our leaders are reluctant to ever speak truthfully about bad behavior when it involves people of color.

It led some wag to refer to the African-based Ebola epidemic as the disease of peace.

Clarity About Charity

I acknowledge that charity is one of the virtues, but I have a hard time accepting the way it works. For one thing, I don’t know why people often insist that it be anonymous. To me, a critical part of accepting charity is to express gratitude to the giver. Otherwise, or so it seems to me, people will inevitably come to accept it as their due.

I also do not understand that which strikes me as charity in perpetuity. For instance, every time I turn on my radio I’m hearing commercials calling for donations to feed the poor in Haiti. I’m told how little it will cost me to feed x-number of Haitian kids for x-number of months for x-number of dollars. But inasmuch as I’ve been hearing these same commercials for years now, I keep wondering how it is that nobody has ever taught Haitians how to fish and how to grow their own crops. Is this an entire nation that relies entirely on the generosity of American radio listeners in the same way that generations of Americans have come to depend on the largesse of the American taxpayer?

When I heard that two people had actually broached security at the White House, my first thought was that my friend, Ronald Kessler, had bribed them in order to hype sales of his recent “The First Family Detail.” I even sent him an email accusing him of coming up with a great marketing strategy. After all, if you take anything away from his terrific book, aside from confirmation that Jimmy Carter and the Clintons are as putrid a trio of human beings as you can imagine, it’s that the most recent directors of the Secret Service will gladly take a cleaver to the department’s budget in order to make themselves look good. In that respect, they are exactly like the administrators at the V.A., who didn’t care how many military veterans died, so long as they could make themselves look efficient.

My idea of a great administrator was the late Admiral Chester Nimitz. Richard Ryan called him to my attention after reading a book he purchased at the shop connected to the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii. The book, Nimitz’s “Reflections on Pearl Harbor,” relates how Nimitz was attending a concert in Washington, D.C., on December 7th, 1941, when he received a phone call from FDR, telling him he was to assume command of the Pacific Fleet.

When Nimitz landed at Pearl Harbor on Christmas Eve, he found such devastation that it would have been easy to imagine the Japanese had already won the war in the South Pacific. After touring the harbor and cataloging the sunken battleships and naval vessels cluttering the waters, a disheartened young helmsman asked Nimitz what he thought.

The Admiral said, “The Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force has ever made. Mistake number one was that they attacked on a Sunday. As a result, ninety percent of the crewmen were ashore on leave. If the same ships had been lured to sea and been sunk, we would have lost 38,000 men instead of 3,800.

“Mistake number two: When the Japanese saw all those ships lined up in a row, they got so carried away with sinking them, they never once bombed our dry docks. If they had destroyed the docks, we would have had to tow every one of those ships to America to be repaired. Instead, the ships are in shallow water and can be raised, and a tug can haul them over to the docks. They can be repaired and back at sea in the same time it would have taken us to haul them back to the States.

“Mistake number three: Every drop of fuel in the Pacific theater of war is in top of the ground storage tanks five miles away on the other side of that hill. One attack plane could have strafed those tanks and destroyed our entire fuel supply.

“I’d have to say God was looking out for America.”

One of the ironies of life is that we have a president who spends most of his time at fund-raisers, hitting up liberals at $35,000-a-plate dinner at the same time that Democrats whine about people like the Koch brothers and Sheldon Adelson destroying the republic and the election process by doing what they can to level out the playing field. But the fact of the matter is that the Obama campaign out-spent John McCain by $300 million in 2008 and out-spent Mitt Romney by $150 million in 2012. The sad fact of the matter is that while the Democrats continue to claim theirs is the party of the poor and the middle class, the only time they care about anyone but themselves and their fat cat supporters is at election time. And don’t think for a minute that they don’t resent having to bow and scrape to those they regard as suckers and bumpkins in pursuit of their votes.

Speaking of liberals, back on September 11th, I wrote a letter to Governor Jerry Brown. After all this time, I have to assume he has chosen not to reply. If he changes his mind, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, this is what I wrote:

“Dear Governor Brown: You seem like a bright enough fellow, and yet in spite of polls showing that most people in the state now oppose the construction of a train running between San Francisco and L.A., you continue to push for it.

“Why on earth would you want to squander billions of dollars on a train that very few people will ever use because, one, the drive only takes about six hours and, two, once you reach your destination, you still need to rent a car.

“The train seems to be nothing more than a make-work project to keep the unions happy. But why waste the time and money on a project you must know will ultimately be referred to as ‘Jerry’s Folly’ when you could do something useful with all that money and still satisfy the unions by building a system of dams?

“After all, drought, as even you must be aware, is a recurring problem for everyone in California, except, perhaps, for the folks at Sparkletts.”

Mr. John Rocke of Santa Clarita, CA, won the September drawing. A copy of "Liberals: America's Termites" is on its way to him.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, September 29, 2014

Religion & Other Taboo Topics

Irecently heard from a woman whose late son had been gay, but had nevertheless been a conservative and had tried to persuade his gay friends not to vote for Obama.

I commended her for raising a son who obviously thought for himself. I also let her know that I realized that not every homosexual feels compelled to cast his lot with the Left simply because liberals have adopted same-sex marriage as a major plank in their goofy platform.

Still, knowing something about her from earlier exchanges, I asked how it was that she could continue being a Presbyterian when the church hierarchy is not only to the left of the DNC, but virulently anti-Israel, forever denouncing the Jewish state and leading the anti-Semitic chorus of those urging individuals and colleges to divest themselves of their investments in Israeli companies.

I understand that it is no easy thing for people to reject the religion they were born into, be it Islam or a Protestant faith. I also admit I have no idea what difference there is between Presbyterians and, say, Methodists. But I do know that the Presbyterian clergy has long taken the side of Israel’s existential foes, and if I had been born a Presbyterian, I know that I would be looking around for an escape hatch, just as I would, if I’d been unfortunate enough to have been born and raised a Muslim.

As some of you are aware, I do a webcast every Wednesday, noon Pacific Time, at I have two sponsors, and whenever I’m doing a commercial for them, I make it a point to mention that Mike Carmolinga, who co-owns Lulu’s restaurant here in the San Fernando Valley, and Tom Tinney, who owns Goodoletom’s Precious Metals, are true conservatives. I do that because I think it behooves conservatives to support their own.

Frankly, I don’t understand why conservatives persist in ignoring the politics and values of those to whom they give their hard-earned money. For instance, with all the insurance companies in America, why do business with Progressive, which lives up to its name by funneling tens of millions of dollars every election year to liberal politicians, and why pay dues to AARP, which did so much to shove ObamaCare down our throats?

Recently I devoted a sizable portion of an article to an email debate I had with a reader who took me to task for celebrating Harry Truman’s decision to drop a couple of A-bombs on Japan in 1945, bringing World War II to a rapid conclusion. The good news is that although it brought me a huge response from readers, certainly the largest in the past five years, not a single respondent agreed with the other guy.

I did receive one email the other day that made me realize that not every one of my readers is brighter than a sack of potatoes. It was his contention that the only reason that the GOP House passes bills is in order to appease Republican voters. I can see where it might seem that way when you realize that Harry Reid sends all such legislation straight to the paper shredder, but the members of the House are merely doing what they’re paid to do. Of course if Reid allowed the Senate to do what they’re paid to do –namely vote -- Obama and his puppet over at Fox, Juan Williams, wouldn’t be able to accuse the House Republicans of being obstructionists.

But with Obama quarterbacking from the White House and Harry Reid acting as his offensive left tackle, being an obstructionist is as honorable as being a member of the French, Dutch or Danish, resistance during World War II.

Another of my readers felt like taking me on because I had suggested that I would be okay with Ted Cruz or Bobby Jindal running for the presidency in 2016. He pointed out the part of the Constitution limiting the office to people over the age of 35 who were natural-born citizens. I wrote back: “I’m afraid that in an age when babies born to illegal aliens are regarded as American citizens, ‘natural-born’ has become a vague term, at best. In fact, Article 2, section 1, of the Constitution leaves a lot to be desired. It reads ‘No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen years a Resident within the United States.’

“If taken literally, doesn’t that deny the office to anyone who wasn’t alive when the Constitution was adopted some 227 years ago? Besides, I always regarded that as the one questionable portion of the document. Why deny ourselves a president who has come here legally and chosen to be an American as opposed to someone who was simply lucky enough to have been born here? It just strikes me as silly to deprive people who can be elected governor or senator of the right to be president.

“Moreover, a lot of people have disagreed with the framers of the Constitution. What’s more, those divinely-inspired men expected it and provided for it. That’s why we’re allowed to amend it, as we’ve now done on 27 occasions. In fact, if I had even more time on my hands than I do, I would start a movement to do away with dual-citizenship. It not only flies in the face of the Constitution that anyone can simultaneously pledge allegiance to two different countries, it contradicts commonsense and common decency in the same way that bigamy does.”

When he wrote back to say, “So you have decided, like Obama, to disagree with the framers,” I decided he had mistaken my courtesy for weakness, and replied, “Not even James Madison expected everyone to agree with each and every word he wrote. Unlike Obama, I haven’t ignored the Constitution or subverted it, so I would appreciate it if you choose your words a bit more carefully in the future.”

Finally, when yet another reader commended me for something amusing I had written, I wrote back to acknowledge that laughter is indeed the best medicine…unless you have the clap, in which case penicillin is the best medicine.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?