Wednesday, October 22, 2014

"Ice Buckets & Oracles" and "Christmas Might Come Early"

Let me confess that, aside from donating time or money, I rarely understand the odd things done on behalf of charities. For instance, even decades ago when I was an advertising copywriter, my fellow workers would often ask me to donate money based on how far they walked or ran on the weekend. I understood the part about donating, but I couldn’t fathom why the distance they covered should have anything to do with the amount.

These days, a great many people are allowing themselves to be doused with a large bucket of ice water as a way to help finance one cause or another. Although I admit to experiencing a certain joie de vivre each and every time I see some left-wing show biz celebrity being given an ice bath, I fail to see the connection to charity.

Am I to assume that some people have added being assaulted with ice cubes to such bucket list items as enjoying the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower, wind-surfing in Hawaii and helping the Obamas pack up and move out of the White House?

That reminds me that I have some good news to pass along. It seems that two Hawaiian councilmen decided to name a local beach in Barack Obama’s honor, but backed down in the face of public outrage. So it seems that contrary to the popular notion that everyone in Hawaii is a stoned, leftist, slacker, there are still some stoned slackers who haven’t entirely lost their minds in the Aloha State.

One poor soul who must still be addicted to marijuana, even if he may have kicked the nicotine habit, is Obama. How else to explain that in an election year when every Democratic candidate is trying his or her best to distance themselves from the White House, he decides to sabotage their campaigns by announcing, “I’m not on the ballot this time, but my policies are”? What’s next? Will he begin funneling the loot he collects at his endless fund-raisers to the Republican National Committee?

Moving on, I have never understood the objection many people have to capital punishment. I mean, assuming that they themselves are not residing on Death Row, why would anyone object to justice being meted out to cold-blooded killers?

I know that some folks claim that the state should not be engaged in the taking of life. To me, that means they’re so morally dysfunctional that they equate the taking of an innocent life with the taking of a guilty one.

In order to be consistent, would these self-righteous schmucks also object to executing the jihadists beheading Americans, Brits and Kurds, over in Iraq? If not, why not? And if so, what difference does it make to them where the butchery takes place, and what possible reason can they have for punishing murderers in the Middle East more harshly than murderers in, say, the Midwest?

Something else I can’t figure out is why it’s expected to take an entire year to train the Free Syrian Army so they can fight ISIL on our behalf. After all, these are the very same people who have been doing a decent job of fighting Assad’s far more formidable army for the past three years!

Finally, when I ridicule Warren Buffet, it’s not because I’m envious of his enormous wealth. The truth is I would like to be a little richer than I am, but not as rich as Buffet. For one thing, I would never want to devote that much of my life to the accumulation of money. For another thing, I would never want to be 84 years old and have to spend so much time keeping track of it and making sure nobody is stealing it while I’m distracted, busy sleeping or having a tuna fish sandwich.

But when the so-called “Oracle of Omaha” states that Hillary Clinton will win in 2016, I find myself wondering why anyone takes him seriously. I have no problem with his making a prediction, even one with which I happen to disagree. The problem is because he’s very wealthy, a great many people actually think he knows what he’s talking about. It even explains why he’s called the Oracle of Omaha, instead of the Rich Old Coot from Nebraska.

It will obviously come as a thunder bolt to some, but being rich only means that some individuals have the knack for making money, just as some have an ear for music and others have a knack for wiggling their ears.

Bill Gates knows a lot about computers, Donald Trump knows a lot about real estate and Ted Turner knows a lot about sailboats and bourbon, but grown-ups are being childish when they take them seriously when they prattle on about matters outside their expertise. It’s like those young dopes who take to heart every dire warning uttered by Matt Damon about global warming or accept as gospel the nonsense Sean Penn spews forth on the evils of capitalism.

In short, rich people know how to make money in the same way that beavers know how to build dams.
But only a schnook would ask a beaver to predict the outcome of a presidential election or refer to one as an oracle.


I understand that many conservatives have come to believe that there is no difference between the two major parties. Some of them even stayed home on Election Day in 2012 and bragged about it to me, as if their refusal to vote for Mitt Romney, thus making it easier for Obama to win a second term, somehow reflected well on them.

If the GOP wins back the Senate and banishes Harry Reid from his current position as the second most powerful politician in Washington, I swear I wouldn’t ask Santa for anything more.

I believe that so many people have repeated the lie about Republican politicians being indistinguishable from Democrats that a lot of people who should know better have swallowed the bilge. One party voted 100% for the Affordable Care Act, the other party opposed it. One party has tried to sweep every scandal from Operation Fast & Furious to Benghazi and the IRS under the carpet, while the other party has tried to get to the bottom of them because, contrary to Hillary’s self-serving lie, the truth always makes a difference. And a lie that is repeated a thousand times isn’t magically transformed into the truth, even though demagogues and those involved in advertising might wish it were otherwise.

More than one person has written to me with the expectation that even if the GOP only gains five Senate seats in the midterm elections, there is a good chance that Joe Manchin (D) of West Virginia might agree to switch his party affiliation, especially if he were to be promised an important committee chairmanship.

My advice to Sen. Manchin is that he should make the switch before Nov. 4th. After all, the GOP stands a very good chance of winning the Senate without him. In which case, he loses his bargaining power and merely looks like the worst sort of political opportunist, sort of like that weasel Jim Jeffords, who switched in the other direction and was thereafter regarded with contempt by those on both sides of the aisle.
Speaking of weasels, no politician should ever have his name attached to anything – be it a bridge, a highway or a post office – unless he personally built it or paid for it. The only exception is his tombstone.

In what has come to be known as American diplomacy, Joe Biden just announced that we are giving Gaza an additional $212 million to help them rebuild everything the Israelis knocked down in retaliation for unending missile attacks. The truth is that most of the money will be spent, not on apartment houses, but to construct new tunnels and buy more Katyushas. So, once again, this administration tries, like so many past ones, to buy the friendship of terrorists. It’s bad enough that it adds to our national debt, but the practice also adds to our national shame.
Interestingly enough, those who have campaigned to change Columbus Day to Indigenous People’s Day believe that the white race has a great deal to be ashamed of when it comes to the way that Indigenous People, otherwise known as Indians, have been treated in this country.

According to the lunkheads, the natives were a kind and peaceful people who lived on loving terms with Mother Nature until Caucasians landed on Plymouth Rock. When you realize that all the tribes were basically Stone Age savages who would inevitably have been overtaken by the modern world, it makes you wonder if these dunces also believe that the blacks in Africa were residing in the Garden of Eden until the Europeans came along.

At least Columbus Day pays tribute to a superb seaman and reminds people to visit an Italian restaurant in the near future. What would a celebration of the Indigenous People look like? Inasmuch as they were notorious for scalping their enemies and devouring their internal organs, I’m sure the menu would leave something to be desired.

As for their creative heritage, when you get past blankets, trinkets, totem poles and wickiups, it hardly measures up to that of the European transplants whose heritage, even in the 1600s, already included Butler, Milton, Moliere, Vermeer, Rembrandt, Velasquez, Donne, Cervantes, Purcell, Bach and Shakespeare. Of course not everyone would agree with me. I’m sure that those whose religion is multiculturalism, and whose devotion to political correctness forever dooms them to be fatuous lunkheads, prefer cave paintings to Rembrandt.

Speak of the Devil, have you heard that in Nebraska, school kids are being told to call each other Purple Penguins because terms such as “boys” and “girls” might be offensive to transgendered eight year olds? It’s all part of an agenda prepared by an organization calling itself Gender Spectrum, which seeks to make bathrooms accessible to one and all, no matter the nature of the individual’s plumbing. Funny, one used to be able to assume a certain level of commonsense from Midwesterners, but that was before the Purple Penguin crowd moved in and took control of school boards and city councils, forcing normal people to park their brains at the curb.

But the lunacy unfortunately isn’t limited to Nebraska, Iowa or any of those other flat rectangular states. In Washington, D.C., the resident space aliens refuse to stop incoming flights from West Africa, even though France and England have done so in an attempt to keep Ebola from taking root in their countries. The only reason we don’t follow suit is because most of those flights are carrying black passengers, and no politician wants to risk being labeled racist, even though their cowardice might lead to an epidemic of terrifying proportions.

By deciding not to rule on the constitutionality of same-sex marriages, the Supreme Court allowed lower court rulings to stand, thus pretty much making it the law of the land.

In just about every state that has placed the issue on the ballot, the people have voted against it. Nevertheless, we’re told that polls indicate that Americans have changed their minds. That may well be true. But I’d hate to think that most Americans don’t share my objection to unelected federal judges assuming the authority to override the laws of Congress and the stated will of the people, which in 1996 led the House and Senate to overwhelmingly enact the Defense of Marriage Act.

We appear to be trying very hard to turn ourselves into a Third World nation brimming over with indigenous knuckleheads of the sort who lack the most basic skills and have to import even our blankets and cheap trinkets from China.
I’m beginning to think I may have been a tad too hasty when I hopped off Santa’s lap.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, October 20, 2014

John Lennon, Che Guevara & Me

When the Beatles were at the height of their popularity, John Lennon said that they were more famous than Jesus. It infuriated a great many Christians, but I just thought it was simply the latest in a series of inane and egomaniacal statements he delighted in making. He was, after all, a liberal zealot, and I have noted through the years that the richer these people are, the more strident they are in their opposition to capitalism and the more separated they are from reality. In much the same way the more power that politicians have over the people who elect them, the more they pretend to be populists. Which is why anytime I hear a wealthy politician of either party brag about his humble beginnings, the less likely I am to ever vote for the schmuck.

The irony of John Lennon’s life was his death. After writing the sappy “Imagine,” which contained such banal lines as “Imagine there’s no country/It isn’t hard to do./Nothing to kill or die for,/And no religion, too./Imagine all the people/Living life in peace,” along came Mark David Chapman, who first got Lennon’s autograph and then a few hours later shot him dead.

In other words, Chapman took Lennon’s lyrics to heart. He didn’t pull the trigger because he was motivated by patriotism or on behalf of any religion, but because he was nutty as a fruitcake. Or perhaps it was because he believed that if a singer-songwriter could be more famous than Christ, so could a latter day Judas.

I used to say that every time I turned around, liberals were doing something crazy or wicked. So I finally decided to quit turning around, but it didn’t stop them. For instance, Seattle’s city council voted to stop celebrating Columbus Day because they decided, I assume, that by “discovering” North America, Columbus helped bring about the downfall of the Indians. So, instead, Seattle’s city fathers and mothers decided they would celebrate Indigenous People’s Day. Being liberals, they failed to see the absurdity of mainly non-indigenous white people using the occasion to insult millions of Americans who take pride in the accomplishment of the great Italian seaman.

In New Haven, CT, the city council allowed ARTE, Inc., a non-profit group dedicated to promoting Hispanic culture in the community, to put up their posters honoring Heroes and Icons on City Hall. One of those pictured was Che Guevara, so, predictably, someone had scrawled the Spanish word “asesino” (murderer) across his face. Daniel Diaz, the co-founder and executive director of ARTE admitted that he had received objections from several people in town, but the weasel explained, “The exhibit celebrates Hispanic History Month and not everyone on the poster is a hero, some are merely icons.”

Just because someone’s face shows up on t-shirts worn by young American ignoramuses doesn’t make a mass murderer an icon, and neither does name recognition. Otherwise, we would expect to see Charles Manson on a poster celebrating American History Month.

Say what you will about the pinheads in Seattle and New Haven, I, for one, appreciate it when there’s actual competition for the honor of being known as the Wackiest City Council in the Nation, and it’s not just Oakland, Berkeley and San Francisco, duking it out year after year for the title.

Recently, because I think it’s essential to wrench control away from Harry Reid and prevent Obama from seating someone like Eric Holder on the Supreme Court in the next couple of years, I actually donated a few dollars to help specific Republicans win their Senate races. What I hadn’t counted on was that those people would send me emails on an hourly basis, begging for more. I felt liberated when I discovered that if I scrolled down to the bottom of the page, I could click on the Unsubscribe button and put a stop to it. But, lo and behold, the dunning messages continued unabated. When I reported this to my friend and computer maven, Steve Maikoski, he explained that “Unsubscribe Me” has replaced “The check’s in the mail” as the biggest lie in America.

As my readers know, LBJ was the last Democratic presidential candidate to have received the majority of white votes. Something I had not known until recently was that although Obama won the majority of female votes in 2012, Mitt Romney won the majority of white women’s votes. Now you and I both have a clearer idea of the reason why liberals are forever pandering to blacks and Hispanics, whether it comes to welfare, open borders or amnesty. If ever the GOP comes close to garnering even 35 or 40% of those votes, the Democrats will appropriately go the way of the dodo bird.

When I read that corporations are moving their headquarters out of the country in order to avoid ridiculously high taxes or when I write that companies simply pass along their tax bite to consumers in the form of higher costs for their goods and services, I’m not casting stones at them for doing so. Heck, if I could get some car company or grocery chain to pay my taxes, I would happily do so.

It’s not that I’m not willing to pay my fair share, as those on the Left are wont to say, but I deeply resent the way that the folks in Sacramento and Washington, D.C., squander my tax dollars. I simply have no desire to fund most of the state and federal agencies, and I hate having to support able-bodied welfare recipients, bureaucrats, illegal aliens and those millions of creeps who lie about their disabilities.

When our forefathers cast off the yoke of English tyranny, it wasn’t really over a penny for a pound of tea; it was over the principle of taxation without representation. Today, however, when we’re all saddled with mayors, councilmen, members of the state assembly, congressmen, senators, Joe Biden, the Obamas and several million unionized civil servants, we have reached the point where the pendulum has swung back and we’ve all discovered that a far worse problem is taxation with too much representation; or at least too many blood-sucking representatives who represent nobody’s interests but their own.

The final word goes to one of my readers, Daniel Parker, who, with the likes of Valerie Jarrett, Denis McDonough and Josh Earnest no doubt in mind, described Barack Hussein Obama as a man who always keeps his wits about him: namely, dimwits, nitwits and halfwits.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?