Friday, January 30, 2015

Movies, Morons & Muslims

Barack Obama continues setting free one Islamic terrorist after another in his rush to empty Gitmo, all the while insisting he has to get the place shut down because it is a major recruiting tool for the jihadists. The only problem with that explanation is that, like everything else he says, it’s a big, fat lie.

You see, the detention center wasn’t opened until January, 2002, four months after 3,000 Americans were killed on 9/11. By that time, the Islamists had already taken hostages in Iran; attacked three of our embassies in Africa and the Middle East, along with the U.S.S. Cole and the Marine barracks in Lebanon; initially bombed the World Trade Center in 1993 and, finally, the Islamic version of Pearl Harbor which took place on September11, 2001.

All of that was in addition to a score of isolated jihadist attacks beginning in 1972 that left 47 Americans dead.

So, if not Gitmo, what does Obama think was ticking off these barbarians during all those pre-Gitmo years? Could it have been rock ‘n’ roll? Maybe it was the capitalistic “Let’s Make a Deal.” Or perhaps it was Barbara Eden flashing her belly button on “I Dream of Jeannie”?

For reasons of its own, this administration refuses to identify the problem plaguing the West as Islam, pretending there’s simply no way to connect the dots between Boko Haram, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Taliban, ISIS, the Muslim Brotherhood, al Qaeda, Yemen, Syria and Iran.

Lest anyone think that Obama is the only high profile ignoramus around, we have Pope Francis not only pretending that global warming is the greatest danger facing the world, but has come up with a codicil to our First Amendment. Although he insists it shouldn’t be a capital crime to insult the faith of another, he does think that there should be a limit on free speech when it comes to insulting anyone’s religion. That would naturally include the religion that fosters jihad, honor killings and clitorectomies.

Inasmuch as Nazism and Communism have been regarded as religions by a billion numbskulls, I wonder if the Pontiff also considers them off-limits to insults and satire or is it only Islam and Catholicism that he regards as taboo topics?

Recently, while attempting to shoot down Mitt Romney’s attempt at a second run, Rand Paul said that Romney had received even fewer votes in 2012 than John McCain had received in 2008. While one can certainly sympathize with an overly ambitious politician’s attempt to discredit his competition, it would be nice if the smuggest person in the Senate got his facts straight. For the record, McCain received 59.9 million votes, Romney garnered 60.6 million.

Perhaps instead of trying to shut down Mitt Romney, Senator Paul could devote some time to shutting up his demented anti-Semitic father, Ron Paul.

On the other hand, Arizona’s straight-shooting Sheriff Joe Arpaio spoke the unvarnished truth when he said: “A liberal paradise would be a place where everybody has free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does, indeed, exist….It’s called prison.”

Recently, the North Korean hackers let the world know that behind his back, Hollywood big shots – namely, Sony executive Amy Pascal and producer Scott Rudin -- made racist jokes about Barack Obama, suggesting that the only movies he’d be interested in would be those involving blacks. For weeks on end, the sound of Hollywood liberals tsk-tsking over those comments was so loud, you could barely hear yourself think. In a desperate move to save her job, Ms. Pascal even crawled to Al Sharpton, begging the little shit for dispensation.

Well, in the wake of the Oscar nominations being made public, it seems that the Obamas have requested four films for their personal viewing in the White House screening room. The four were “Selma,” “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom,” “Lincoln” and “Beasts of the Southern Wild.” I think it’s high time that Ms. Pascal got off her knees.

Speaking of the Academy Awards, I have a few tips for those who will be placing bets on the winning actors and actresses. There are certain roles that can make all the difference, and I’ve used this knowledge to my financial advantage over the years.

For instance, the Academy voters always have a soft spot for those portraying mutes. Offhand, I recall that Jane Wyman, John Mills, Holly Hunter, Patty Duke, Daniel Day-Lewis and Marlee Matlin, all won Oscars without saying a single intelligible word. So did Jean Dujardin, but “The Artist,” if you recall, was shot as a silent movie, so that doesn’t really count.

The Academy, because it is full of narcissists, is so impressed by those who either gain or lose a lot of weight for a role or allow themselves to be made to look ugly or homely, they have sent Shelley Winters, Charlize Theron, Robert DeNiro, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, Ingrid Bergman and Ann Hathaway, home happy.

The Academy voters, much like those people who voted for Obama because he was black, like to feel good about themselves, so they actually think that when they give Oscars to Dustin Hoffman and Tom Hanks for portraying mentally deficient characters, it shows their hearts are in the right place.

Speaking of the Oscars, it figures that when the nominations were recently announced, Al Sharpton would throw one of his weekly hissy fits upon discovering that for the first time in years not a single black actor or actress is in the running. Therefore, he is demanding a meeting with studio executives to discuss possible repercussions for what he sees as blatant bigotry.

I must say he has his nerve. After all, blacks are no longer the largest minority in America. Whereas there are only 38 million blacks, there are now 54 million Hispanics. But you don’t hear Antonio Banderas, Jennifer Lopez, Javier Bardem, Benecio del Toro, Penelope Cruz, Sofia Vergara or Andy Garcia, whining like little babies because they didn’t get invited to the Hollywood prom.

On the same day that Sharpton schedules his meeting, I’m planning to call for a showdown of my own, demanding a full-court boycott of the all black NBA.

Finally, while watching Christopher Reeve transform himself time and again into Superman in four movies made between 1978 and 1987, it occurred to me how much has changed over the past few decades.

Thanks to cellphones, telephone booths have all but disappeared. Which means that if Clark Kent were around today, his crime-fighting exploits would be severely curtailed because he’d spend most of his time being busted for indecent exposure.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

"Abraham v. Muhammad" and "It's Official - I'm Not Running"

I am Jewish, but not very Jewish. I had Jewish parents and Jewish grandparents, but I am not religiously observant, don’t keep kosher and never even had a bar mitzvah because my secular parents left it up to me whether after six hours of junior high I wanted to spend my afternoons attending Hebrew school or playing ball.

I only mention this as a matter of full disclosure, so you will understand that when I take Israel’s side against its Arab and Muslim neighbors, it’s understood that I do so because it is a western-style democracy that shares America’s traditional values and not because it is a Jewish state.

When I hear liberals in the media, academia and the Protestant hierarchy, condemning Israel and taking up for its enemies, labeling Israel an apartheid nation oppressing the so-called Palestinians, I get the queasy feeling that I’m in a surrealistic universe as it might have been imagined by George Orwell and painted by Salvador Dali.

After all, Israel is so religiously tolerant that Arabs and Muslims serve in its legislative body. It guarantees freedom of speech, religion and financial opportunity to all of its citizens, whereas in neighboring states, Jews have been banished, Christians have been burned and crucified, women are stoned for adultery -- although not their male partners in sin -- and prevented from working or attending school. They also have to wear burkas in sweltering heat and are vulnerable to honor killings if they fall in love with a non-Muslim or even consider converting to another, less restrictive, faith.

If ever there was a clear line separating good and evil, this would be it. But our campus and cultural elitists nevertheless insist on siding with the barbarians and giving full vent to their inherent anti-Semitism, going so far as to insist that universities, corporations and individuals, divest themselves of investments in Israeli companies, even those turning out life-saving pharmaceuticals and medical devices.

I am not one of those Jews who wrap Jewish contributions to the world around myself like a comfort blanket, pretending that the accomplishments of others somehow reflect gloriously on me. But from strictly an objective point of view, when you compare the gifts that a few million Jews have bestowed on an unfriendly world compared to what billions of Arabs and Muslims have contributed, it is an embarrassingly lopsided competition.

In whatever field you can name, but particularly in medicine, science and the arts –both classical and popular – Jews have excelled. Even a partial list includes the likes of Albert Einstein, Milton Friedman, Felix Mendelsohn, Jonas Salk, Irving Berlin, George and Ira Gershwin, Richard Rodgers, Lorenz Hart, Oscar Hammerstein, Aaron Copland, Frank Loesser, Leonard and Elmer Bernstein, Paul Ehrlich, Boris Pasternak, J.D. Salinger, Norman Mailer, Charles Krauthammer, Nathan Rothschild, Sidney Howard, Benjamin Cardoza, Benjamin Disraeli, John Garfield, Marc Chagall, Louis Brandeis, Hedy Lamarr, the Marx Brothers, Levi Strauss, Jack Benny, Sidney Kingsley, Clifford Odets, George Burns, Danny Kaye, Arthur Miller, Bernard Malamud, Ayn Rand, Philip Roth, Baruch Spinoza, Paddy Chayefsky, Joseph Heller, George S. Kaufman, Moss Hart, Felix Frankfurter,Alan Jay Lerner, Frederick Loewe, Edna Ferber, Arthur Rubinstein, Edward G. Robinson, Sid Caesar, Sigmund Freud, Jon Stewart, Phil Silvers, Al Jolson, Billy Wilder, William Wyler, Joseph Mankiewicz, Jerome Kern, Bob Dylan, Haym Solomon, Stephen Sondheim, Kurt Weill, Harold Arlen, Benny Leonard, Hank Greenberg, Woody Allen, Richard Dreyfuss, Billy Joel, Isaac Stern, Yehudi Menuhin, Jascha Heifitz, Vladimir Horowitz, Billy Crystal, Milton Berle, Sholem Aleichem, Jerry Herman, Burt Bacharach, Albert and Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Tony Randall, Alan King, Larry Gelbart, Neil Simon, Jerry Seinfeld, Oscar Levant, Sandy Koufax and the young New York kids, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, who gave birth to the mild-mannered Clark Kent and his alter ego, Superman.

Let’s face it, without the Jews, Americans would be stuck singing and humming commercial jingles and we’d be about as funny as the Swiss.

It’s not as if Arabs and Muslims haven’t also made their mark on the world. They did, after all, introduce clitorectomies, suicide bombings and an intolerance of good-natured spoofing not seen since the Salem witch hunts.


Although even Hillary Clinton, who vowed at the age of four to one day be President, is acting coy about making a run in 2016, I am trying to set a good example for others by announcing that under no circumstances will I be tossing my hat in the ring.

That being said, I don’t understand why so many Republicans who are also not running seem so upset at the prospect of Mitt Romney giving it another try. The notion that just because he failed to defeat John McCain for the nomination in 2008 or Barack Obama in 2012, he shouldn’t run again is just plain goofy. After all, any sane person would acknowledge that we have all lived long enough to rue the results of both those races.

Besides, when I was a kid, Abraham Lincoln, the first Republican president, was always being held up as a model of grit, all because between the years of 1832 and 1860, he ran and was defeated in eight elections for the state legislature, the House and the U.S. Senate. So how is it that persistence was a virtue back then, but is deemed wickedly self-indulgent today?

Understand that while I like and admire Gov. Romney, I have a list of Republicans I would enthusiastically support in 2016. I just don’t think it’s improper for Romney to consider waging another campaign. If anything, I give him credit for forgiving us our past mistakes and his willingness to let us make amends.

According to Aaron Goldstein, writing in the American Spectator, during a closed door meeting involving Barack Obama and Senate Democrats, Sen. Robert Menendez (D, New Jersey) pushed Obama to renew sanctions against Iran. He contended that in exchange for removing the original sanctions, Iran has shown no willingness during one year’s worth of negotiations to curtail its nuclear ambitions. In rebuttal, Obama said he was aware of the pressures placed on senators by their donors.

Menendez, who is brighter than the average Democrat, managed to break the code, understanding that by “donors,” Obama meant Jewish donors, Israel being the natural and most convenient target of Iranian nukes.

Sen. Menendez could, in turn, have accused Obama of caving to the pressures of wealthy environmental loons when it came to funding solar panel companies and General Motors with our tax dollars or nixing the Keystone pipeline, but he didn’t, so I will.

Neither did Sen. Menendez question Obama over his open animosity towards America’s only ally in the Middle East, Israel, and her prime minister, Bibi Netanyahu, so once again the task falls on my tiny shoulders.

However, these days, even the word “ally” has been sullied through misuse. For instance, even though Saudi money was behind 9/11 and even though Saudi Arabia considers the proper punishment for daring to criticize Islamic clerics to be 50 lashes a week for 20 weeks and that a death sentence is the only way to deal with those who convert to Christianity, our president, like his predecessor, continues to embrace these medieval creeps like long lost brethren.

Speaking of the man who refused to join arms with his fellow national leaders in the “Je Suis Charlie” demonstration in Paris, lest, perhaps, he might have found himself having to link arms with a Jew, Obama doesn’t even try to make a real case for emptying Guantanamo of its Islamic jihadists. Instead, he falls back on the old chestnut about Gitmo being a recruiting tool for our enemies, although to this day he refuses to identify just who those folks happen to be.

My question to him is whether he also favors shutting down San Quentin, Attica, Lewisburg, Leavenworth, Folsom and Sing Sing, because bank robbers, rapists and kidnappers, are using them as recruiting tools.

I wouldn’t want anyone to think that we’re the only nation saddled with a limp-wristed appeaser. David Cameron, who perfectly exemplifies the rapid decline of the human race when we consider that England has gone from the highs of Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher to the depths of Mr. Cameron in a relatively few decades.

After meeting with Obama, the Prime Minister emerged to report that he agreed that the best way to deal with the madmen of Iran was to bend over and touch his toes. Mr. Churchill would have been aghast, but Mr. Chamberlain would have nodded, winked and said, “That’s my boy.”

While recently watching a documentary about the Nazi blitz of Britain, it occurred to me that one simple way to distinguish between the good guys and the bad ones in any conflict is to see how they treat their children. During World War II when German bombs rained down on London, English parents sent their young ones off to the countryside and to Canada to ensure their safely, knowing that the separation could be for months, years or, worst case scenario, forever. The Germans not only did nothing to safeguard their own kids, they stuck them in oversized uniforms, handed them rifles and told them to defend the Fatherland.

Today, we see the Israelis doing everything in their power to protect their children while the vermin on the other side place their kids in harm’s way so that little mangled bodies are always among the victims when Israel finally retaliates against incessant missile attacks. As we saw recently, when a 10-year-old girl was used successfully as a suicide bomber, there is absolutely no depth to which the Islamists won’t stoop.

Finally, whenever I hear liberals attempt to make the case that the federal government and its legion of bureaucrats and experts know best how the rest of us should live, I recall that G.K. Chesterton’s clerical crime-solver Father Brown once sagely pointed out that the professionals built the Titanic, but it was an amateur who built the Ark.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?