WINNERS & LOSERS

by BurtPrelutsky

All in all, 2011 provided us with some pretty good news. For one thing, our military took care of Osama bin Laden and Anwar al-Awlaki, God got rid of Kim Jong-Il and, for good measure, Barney Frank finally got around to announcing his retirement.

Kim Jong-Il

It was to be expected that Jimmy Carter, who insisted on paying his last respects to the otherwise unlamented Yasser Arafat, was probably the only person in the civilized world demented enough to send his sincere condolences to North Korea on the passing of its longtime dictator, the aforementioned Kim Jong-Il. So it is that although Carter’s claim to the title of Worst President of the United States has been usurped by Barack Obama, Mr. Peanut retains clear title to being the Worst Ex-President of the United States.

Speaking of titles, I had been unaware until reading his obituary that among Kim Jong-Il’s own honorifics were Best Leader Who Realized Human Wisdom; Master of Literature, Arts and Architecture; Humankind’s Greatest Musical Genius: World’s Greatest Writer; and, contrary to Al Gore’s opinion, Greatest Man Who Ever Lived.

One of the titles I fully expected to see, but didn’t, was Greatest Golfer in the Universe. After all, even the likes of Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, Phil Mickelson and Arnold Palmer, could only fantasize about shooting a round of 38 that included 11 holes-in-one. Although I have no reason on earth to doubt the North Korean news agency that reported such a miraculous round of golf, I have always wondered why Jong-Il required 27 shots to complete those other seven holes. I can only imagine that those damn little windmills threw him off his game.

An odd coincidence is that I believe 38 is the same score that Obama once reported bowling, a score that justifiably earned him the title of World’s Biggest Wienie.

Speaking of the man who is destined to take his place with the likes of James Buchanan, Warren G. Harding and Jimmy Carter, as America’s most inept one-term presidents, Obama has been accused of picking winners and losers in the business world by subsidizing the winners with our tax dollars. Furthermore, cynics claim that he selects them solely on the basis of the owners’ financial contributions to his re-election campaign. Pshaw! Even someone as openly partisan as I am can see how unjust that is. If that charge had any merit at all, Solyndra, as well as several other green energy concerns handpicked by this administration would be flourishing. So where, I ask on Obama’s behalf, are all these alleged winners? Instead, I say that Obama has exhibited the exact same questionable instincts when picking winners in the world of commerce that he’s shown in picking cabinet members, friends and religious mentors.

Finally, in all the squabbling between Republican presidential contenders, I have yet to hear anyone utter the unfortunate truth about Arabs and Muslims. For all the joyous blather that greeted the so-called Arab spring, the world has had no reason to rejoice over the results in Egypt, Libya or Syria. For their part, Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan, continue to be the same cesspools they were before America sacrificed blood and treasure in the hope of protecting one group of medieval terrorists from another.

In Saudi Arabia, one of our alleged allies in that part of the world, school textbooks continue to promote the official Islamic bilge that women are “weak and irresponsible,” that homosexuals “should be killed,” and that “the hour of judgment will not come until the Muslims fight the Jews and kill them.”

In the meantime, any Christian unfortunate enough to find himself in the Middle East is fair game for jihadists.

But all the while, we Americans are trained to parrot the lie, so often repeated by George Bush and Barack Obama, that Islam is a religion of peace and that America’s Muslims -- in spite of Major Hasan’s murderous rampage at Fort Hood, the campaign to erect a victory mosque at Ground Zero, and the Muslims in Dearborn, Michigan, who, along with their friends and relatives in Gaza, celebrated on 9/11 -- are every bit as benign and patriotic as the folks in the Tea Party movement.

Until we get a president who is willing to acknowledge that we are at war with Islamic fundamentalists; that Muslims played absolutely no role in the creation of the United States; that they are dedicated to a worldwide caliphate, whose primary goal would be the extermination of Jews and Christians; and that in any war waged between one Muslim sect and another, our place should be on the sidelines, cheering them on; we will continue being drawn into one bloody and ultimately futile enterprise after another.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky.Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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NOT NEWT!

by BurtPrelutsky

Recently, I received word from a friend named Jack who let me know in no uncertain terms why he was backing Newt Gingrich and turning his back on Mitt Romney. Mainly, he seemed to like Newt because of his rousing attacks on the media and Obama. When it came to Romney, he used such demeaning terms as “non-patriotic mute,” “phony” and that old reliable, “RINO.”

The truth is, if he was the only person I know who felt that way, I wouldn’t be terribly concerned. But I have received similar messages from a couple of other friends. And like Jack, these are people dedicated to the conviction that the only way to save America from four more years of Obama’s expansion of the federal government, war on capitalism, gutting of the military and putting his stamp on the Supreme Court for decades to come, is by electing a Republican president in November.

RINO

Although I initially regarded our views as honest differences of opinion that didn’t amount to much in the grand scheme of things, I had to reverse gears after the primary voters in South Carolina gave 40% of their votes to Gingrich. I then realized that there was actually a chance that Newt would carry the GOP flag in the general election.

It was with that grave concern in mind that I responded:

“Dear Jack: I get it that you don’t like Romney’s calm and rational demeanor. To me, it seems presidential. It is what I want in a commander-in-chief. You apparently want a president, or at least a candidate, who gets angry and nasty.

“But please tell me why you think that Newt’s insulting the moderators at every debate, garnering easy applause from the folks in the audience, and then being sweet to the media in the spin room afterwards doesn’t strike you as hypocritical and self-serving. Talk about phonies!

Mitt Romney

“Why do you ignore the fact that he was censured by House Republicans when he was Speaker for a financial shenanigan involving campaign funds, while keeping in mind they let him slide over the corrupt book deal he cut with media mogul Rupert Murdoch?

“Why, as a good conservative, don’t you hold it against him that he helped Nancy Pelosi promote the Al Gore-enriching global warming hoax?

“Why doesn’t it stick in your craw that he took $1.6 million of our tax dollars from the corrupt Freddie Mac?

“Even if you don’t seem bothered by Newt’s scuzzy personal history, why aren’t you at least a tad concerned that it will turn off a majority of independent voters, the very people who decide presidential elections?

“Why aren’t you angry that your guy referred to Paul Ryan’s brilliant economic plan as “right-wing social-engineering,” and that, motivated solely by personal pique and jealousy, blasted Mitt Romney for profiting from free market capitalism?

“Not only will the GOP stand a good chance of losing the presidency if Gingrich garners the nomination, but any number of Republican candidates for Congress are quaking in their boots, frightened that he could take them down with him, enabling vile Harry Reid to maintain control of the Senate.

“Frankly, I do not understand why any Republican who understands the very real danger that Obama represents to America and the free world would want to risk running Gingrich in November.

“The irony is that you and Obama are rooting for the very same guy. Sincerely, Burt”

©2012 Burt Prelutsky.Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, postpaid. Get both for just $39.90.