Friday, July 31, 2015

Land of the Freeloaders

If Rip Van Winkle slept for a few decades and awoke today, he wouldn’t know where he was. No longer the land of the free and the home of the brave, America has morphed into a place that is part insane asylum, part soup kitchen and part sewer.

Think what Mr. Van Winkle would make of traditional marriage. When he pulled the blankets under his chin, the Left was announcing that the institution was outdated and bourgeois, to boot, ensuring that the young and hip, including those who were busy having kids or abortions, would give it a wide berth. Then, suddenly, homosexuals, who would have us believe that they are the youngest and the hippest, decided it was only passé because they weren’t being allowed to partake. Overnight, the Left decided marriage was sacred, and to deny guys the right to marry other guys, and gals the right to marry other gals, was an affront to everything America allegedly holds dear.

The latest examples of people walking around in public without their brains was presidential candidate Martin O’Malley apologizing to an audience of boorish blacks for insisting that all lives matter when by this time every liberal understands that only black lives matter. If he at least had some guts to make up for his lack of brains, he might have said, “If black lives matter so much, why don’t you do something about all those young black thugs killing blacks in your neighborhood, instead of wasting everyone’s time whining about cops and white people?”

Proving that he’s every bit the bonehead ex-Gov. O’Malley is, Seattle’s Mayor Ed Murray, having been told that according to Sharia law, Muslims aren’t allowed to pay interest on loans, wishes to offer Muslims in his hometown interest-free home loans, leaving it to Seattle’s suckers to pony up the difference.

Frankly, I suspect he’s got it wrong. I expect that Muslims, as it is with orthodox Jews, who aren’t supposed to charge their fellow Jews interest, Muslims are allowed to pay interest on home loans and are just hoping that nobody sets Mayor Murray straight.

Speaking of Muslims, isn’t it time that when someone named Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez opens fire on a Marine recruiting office, we accept that it’s an Islamic act of terrorism without having to wait for a psychological profile to confirm what we all already know?

In the meantime, the Great Satan who resides in the White House, who saw fit to bathe the place with colored lights in celebration of the Supreme Court’s latest brain freeze, waited five days before caving in to public pressure and ordering that flags be lowered in honor of the sailor and the four Marines murdered by young Abdulazeez.

Proving that the folks at the Department of Defense are as dense as bricks, but not nearly as useful, the solution they came up with to prevent future carnage at military recruitment centers is that Marines wear civvies on the job. Apparently Washington bureaucrats think that Muslims are as stupid as they are. Do they really believe that when the next jihadists show up at the mall, they’ll simply drive by and then go home, fooled by the fact that the folks sitting at the desks inside aren’t wearing their uniforms?

America doesn’t need a he-man like Vladimir Putin in the Oval Office. We don’t need a bare-chested hunter of bears, a man who swims in icy waters or a guy who rips Moscow telephone books in half. We do need a president who thinks all American lives matter, not just those of blacks, Hispanics and Muslims. We need a person who is more concerned with America’s future than with his legacy, more concerned with our best interests than with Cuba’s and Iran’s.

What we have in Barack Obama is an underachieving fruitcake who came into office believing, mistakenly, that America required a radical transformation. What we require of the next president is that he’ll understand that eight years later, America will desperately need to be radically transformed back to the way it used to be.

I doubt that any of my readers are dumb enough to take the bet, but I am giving odds that next year’s Nobel Peace Prize will be shared by John Kerry and Mohammad Javad Zarif. (Are all of those schmucks named Mohammad?)

I had my own problems with George W. Bush. Mainly, they revolved around the way he conducted the Iraq War, not that he waged it. I objected to the fact that he forced the military to fight with one arm tied behind its collective back. I refer to the fact that he wouldn’t allow mosques to be bombed even though we knew Saddam Hussein was using them as armories and barracks, forcing our soldiers to fight pitched battles in the streets. And let us not forget that, according to Bush’s book of wartime etiquette, we were required to re-build every damn building almost as soon as we knocked it down.

I was willing to give him points for his highly publicized greetings of returning vets at the Dallas airport and his visits to military hospitals and even his annual bike rides with wounded vets, although I never lost sight of the fact that if he’d conducted a different kind of war maybe so many of them wouldn’t have been wounded, or worse, in the first place.

It didn’t help that he was also the jackass who seemed to devote every waking hour to telling us that Islam was a religion of peace.

But ever since the AP reported that in 2012, he gave a speech on behalf of a Texas-based military charity called Helping a Hero, charging them $100,000, and an additional $20,000 for the private jet ferrying him to and fro, I have begun to understand why he and Bill (ka-ching) Clinton seem to get along so well.

Lest you think he is really hard up financially, it seems that since leaving office in 2009, Bush has given at least 200 other speeches, earning him in excess of $30 million. That’s not counting the book deals.

But that is the sort of nation we have become. Our ex-presidents, and some of their wives, seem to think they should be as rich as Midas.

But perhaps we shouldn’t expect anything better. After all, if you take a long hard look at America, you’ll find that we have a website dedicated solely to adulterers looking to link up. The garbage pail known as the Internet is full of pedophiles buying and selling child pornography. And just about every day some outfit is sending me email promising to enhance my penis.

We have devolved from a once-great nation to an open sewer without borders, a functioning military, and a Constitution that’s treated like toilet paper by the president and five members of the Supreme Court.

Sometimes, I swear, it’s only the hope of one day having an enhanced penis that keeps me going.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Playing Catch-Up

I know that there is no way I can ever really catch up with the news, but I’m addicted to trying. The problem is that even in the time it will take me to complete this article, eight or nine more things are going to be said or will take place that will make this piece every bit as dated as the Charleston.

For instance, no sooner do I say that I’m glad Donald Trump is sticking around then he turns around and attacks John McCain. Normally, I wouldn’t mind. After all, aside from being an out-spoken foe of Obama’s conciliatory approach to Iran and ISIS, McCain has been a total washout as a senator. In spite of having limited arm movement thanks to five years of torture at the hands of Jane Fonda’s good friends, the North Vietnamese, he has spent the last 30 reaching across the aisle to embrace the likes of Russ Feingold and Ted Kennedy.

Making matters worse, in 2008, by refusing to link Obama to Rev. Wright and his racist church, McCain all but took a dive in the election, ushering in the worst administration in America’s history.

But instead of mentioning any of that, Trump had to let us know that he disapproves of soldiers who suffer the misfortune of being captured by the enemy. It was a totally indecent thing for a man who, himself, avoided the risk of becoming a POW by securing a series of student deferments, to say.

A few minutes later, Trump changed his mind and said that perhaps John McCain had been a hero, after all. I’m surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash.

But that’s the problem with Trump. He rarely seems to fully engage his brain before speaking. It gives people the impression that he only has second thoughts, never those all-important first ones. A similar thing happened when he announced his intention to run, neglecting to specify that the Mexican killers and rapists he was referring to were those who were illegal aliens.

Trump seems to suffer from a weird version of Tourette’s syndrome. But instead of being unable to stop himself from muttering obscenities, he can’t seem to stop insulting his Republican opponents. That’s not to say that some of them don’t have it coming, but it is best left up to people like me and Ann Coulter, who aren’t running for anything, to ridicule them. It is way past time that Trump stopped displaying the same contempt for Reagan’s 11th Commandment that Obama has for our Constitution.

I’m just saying it would make for a nice change if Trump would occasionally say something nasty about Mrs. Clinton or Mr. Obama, instead of constantly supplying their side with talking points. As things stand, I can no longer cut him any slack for contributing to Hillary’s Senate campaigns. How can I keep writing it off to the cost of doing business in New York when the only politicians he seems to despise are Republicans?

Moving on, it is high time that we not only allowed, but insisted, that members of the military carry side arms at recruitment centers and also on base. I understand that some bad apples may occasionally misuse guns, but those, like Major Hasan, are the ones who never seem to have a problem arming themselves.

Besides, how dare Obama deny those brave souls who volunteer to defend our lives the ability to defend their own? As you may have noticed, Obama never voices an objection to him and his family being protected by men with guns.

But, then, this is the same schmuck who has decided that whereas our Marines can’t be trusted with firearms, he’s ready, even eager, to trust Iran with nukes and ballistic missiles.

By this time, I assume we’ve all seen the woman who oversees “medical” services for Planned Parenthood munching on her salad while casually offering a discourse on the best way to dissect an embryo. I suspect that even some abortion activists were revolted by the video, but not, I’m guessing, very many.

The thing that I find truly obnoxious about the Pro-Choice crowd is that they are often the same degenerates who break into a cold sweat over the survival of snail darters, polar bears and delta smelt.

Worse yet, liberals are quick to pull out their crying towels if they suspect that serial killers experience the slightest bit of discomfort while being executed, but are nonchalant when it comes to the Nazi-like butchery performed during a typical abortion.

Liberal lunkheads are always defending Islam by pointing out that no more than 10% of 1.2 billion Muslims are willing to kill in the name of Mohammad. But, one, they never tell you how they arrive at that percentage or, two, why it is they never count the cheerleaders in the mosques and streets of Dearborn and Tehran.

Something else they slide by is that even just one-tenth of 1.2 billion is 120 million people, a number larger than that of any nation in Europe, except for Russia, and nearly as many as the combined populations of England and France.

Speaking of Europe, a reader, Charlie Saucier of Metairie, Louisiana, reminded me that Greece is only one of the four most socialistic nations in Europe that have seen or are about to see their socialist economies take them to the brink of financial disaster. The other three are Portugal, Italy and Spain. Once you stick Greece in the mix, their initials ironically spell out PIGS.

One of the oddities to come out of the sex scandal swirling around Bill Cosby is that during the 70s, he would sometimes go by the name of Seymour Rapaport. It made me wonder if, when he’d hit on a young woman and she’d ask him if he wasn’t the rich and famous actor/comedian, he would say, “No, we resemble each other, but my name is Seymour Rapaport, and I’m a Jewish accountant from Skokie.”

At least that might explain why he had to knock them out with drugs before they’d have sex with him.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?