Sunday, October 5, 2008

Counting Down To The Election

by Burt Prelutsky

Recently, I read an article about a guy in Georgia who claimed that he could turn virtually anything, including grass clippings, garbage and, for all I know, John Kerry’s old speeches, into methane gas. As I understand it, this fellow and the U.S. military are building seven pilot plants that he claims will provide America with one million barrels of oil a day. If it all pans out the way it’s supposed to, additional plants will be built and within five or six years, we could be free of not only our dependence on foreign oil, but the need for Nancy Pelosi to come to her senses.

The guy in Georgia claims he got the notion while standing downwind from the cows at his food production company. Which made me wonder why the idea hadn’t occurred to anyone standing downwind from our nation’s capitol.

Sometimes, I find myself almost feeling sorry for our so-called public servants. But I quickly get over it. All I have to do is consider the fact that the same louts who drag out Martin Luther King’s remark about character trumping color when they’re running for office don’t find anything obscene about the existence of something called the Congressional Black Caucus. This is the group of scoundrels who gave an ovation to Louisiana’s Rep. William (“Cold Cash”) Jefferson, the fellow who had stashed a $90,000 bribe in his refrigerator, upon his triumphant return to the House of Representatives.

What always confounds me about the liberals in the House and Senate is how disrespectful they are of the president because he has a favorable rating of only about 30% when that’s three times higher than their own. It’s also peculiar how much power and influence the Democrats hand over to the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Joe Biden, when, in their last elections, this tacky trio garnered only 110,000, 494,000 and 135,000 votes, respectively. That’s right -- less than three-quarters of a million votes between them, and they carry on as if they have a mandate from the American people.

Speaking of numbers, I am constantly taken aback when pollsters claim that the coming election is neck-and-neck because McCain and Obama are separated by only one or two percent. Am I the only person who’s aware that it’s electoral votes, not popular votes, that matter in presidential elections? For instance, if Obama runs up margins in the millions in New York, California and Massachusetts, he’ll sill lose if McCain takes Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Texas, Minnesota, Virginia and New Mexico, by margins in the thousands. In fact, I can guarantee you that if they each take 48% of the popular vote, McCain will win the election without even breaking a sweat.

The other day, one of my liberal readers sent me an e-mail. He took exception to my claim that Democratic politicians were far worse than Republicans when it came to sticking their noses where they didn’t belong. He wrote: “Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our children and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of getting government out of our lives.”

I considered warning him that irony should be left to the professionals, but I wanted to maintain a courteous tone, so, instead, I wrote: “Suggesting how one should live in order to lead a happier and healthier life is not the same thing as creating legislation that shreds the First Amendment. Please tell me anything the GOP has done that even comes close to being as un-American and as reminiscent of Orwell’s ‘1984’as that which is euphemistically referred to as the Fairness Doctrine. And please don’t mention the Patriot Act unless you, unlike every other liberal I have ever argued with, can point to a single freedom it has cost you or anyone you know. Only a liberal would regard talk radio as propagandistic, while, at the same time, insisting that CNN, MSNBC, the three major networks, the New York Times, the Washington Post and USAToday, are honest and objective in their reporting. It seems to me that the only thing that America’s liberal media has against the managed news we associate with the Soviet Union’s Pravda and the Islamic Al Jazeera is that they didn’t think of it first. If I knew his name, I would happily give him credit, but someone on the radio recently suggested that mainstream media is a misnomer. He said it should be called the downstream media because it’s filled with sewage and manure.

“In conclusion, let me just say that in spite of my being a conservative and Barack Obama’s being a Marxist, I have only one major difference with the man who was born to be the president of Kenya. He thinks that when it comes to being the leader of the free world, deciding when life begins is the only thing above his pay grade. I, on the other hand, think everything is.”