Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Liberals Lie, Conservatives Die... Laughing

by Burt Prelutsky

I don’t know how many of you are old enough to remember “To Tell the Truth,” a TV game show on which three contestants tried to convince a panel that each of them was the one telling the truth about himself when in fact two of them were lying. Lately, the Democrats have been reminding me a lot of those two contestants. Instead of competing for small cash prizes, though, these hack politicians are vying for votes.

For instance, Barney Frank, who has always looked and talked like a cartoon character, has begun behaving like one. He keeps insisting that he had nothing to do with the sub-prime debacle. He bases this outlandish claim on the fact that the Democrats were in the minority on the House Finance Committee until January 31, 2007, when he became the chairman. Even if we choose to overlook the obvious fact that he did nothing to avert the disaster during the year-and-a-half he and his liberal colleagues held the reins, the truth is that the Democrats brought on the financial catastrophe by forcing the major lenders to do business with black and Hispanic deadbeats, and by intimidating the gutless Republicans on the Committee with threats of outing them as racists if they didn’t play ball.

But when it comes to lying, even Mr. Frank, formerly at the epicenter of a homosexual prostitute ring in Washington, can’t compare with Joe Biden. But, then, neither could Pinocchio or Baron von Munchhausen. When you realize that the vice-presidential debate took only 90 minutes, and that Gwen Ifill and Sarah Palin used up roughly 50 minutes with their questions and answers, Sen., Biden had a mere 40 minutes in which to cram in over a dozen lies. It’s one of those mind-boggling records, like Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak, that may never be broken.

For openers, Biden is not in favor of clean coal as an alternate fuel. He has voted against its use every chance he’s had during his 36 years in the Senate. And while I don’t know in what cave Biden has been hiding, he must be the only person in America who didn’t hear Barack Obama state that, without any preconditions, he would sit down with Mahmud Ahmadinejad. But that was only after he informed us that Iran was a small country and in no way a dangerous one. Furthermore, instead of presuming to inform Gov. Palin that Ahmadinejad is not really Iran’s head honcho because it’s a theocracy, he should have mentioned it to his running mate, inasmuch as Obama never mentioned sitting down with the mullahs.

When Biden said that McCain, like Obama, voted against funding the troops, he lied, knowing full well that McCain only refused to vote for the funding bill so long as it was tied to a timeline for withdrawal. Leave it to the Democrats to tell the Islamic terrorists to hang tough because, come hell or high water, we’ll be gone on a certain date.
They may not know how to wage war, but they sure know how to wage defeat.

Biden also lied when he said that McCain would raise taxes on people’s health insurance, and when he announced that Gen. David McKiernan said that principles of the surge could not be employed in Afghanistan, and again when he insisted that we spend more money in three weeks fighting in Iraq than we’ve spent altogether in Afghanistan.

Finally, Biden lied when he claimed that McCain weakened the regulations on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. But perhaps that wasn’t exactly a lie. Maybe he just confused John McCain with Barney Frank or Maxine Waters because they look so much alike.

It’s not easy determining which of the numerous lies Biden rattled off in his allotted time was the most blatant, but my vote would probably go to his claim that he didn’t vote to authorize the war in Iraq. If I remember correctly, his explanation was that he was only authorizing President Bush to continue seeking a diplomatic solution, although it would be the first time in history that a president has ever required a vote in order to conduct diplomacy. I swear I could actually see Biden’s nose growing after that one.

My biggest laugh of the night came when Biden, who lives in a very large house in a very pricey part of Delaware, suddenly tried to pass himself off as a regular guy talking about the middle-class folks in his neighborhood and his homies down at the local Home Depot. The truth is, a family of five could eat for a year on what this man has spent on hair plugs and having his teeth painted.

So far as I can tell, the only difference between the Democrats and Burger King is that Biden and friends don’t offer Cokes and fries with their whoppers.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Character Is The Issue

by Burt Prelutsky

I get a big kick out of Democrats insisting that the Republicans should concentrate on the issues instead of focusing on Barack Obama’s own words and affiliations. They call it negative campaigning. It reminds me of 1948 when the crowds would exhort Harry Truman to give the Republicans hell: “I don’t give them hell,” he replied, “I just tell the truth and the Republicans think it’s hell.”

According to the Democrats, nobody is supposed to mention Obama’s hostility to his own white relatives; his black hate-mongering religious mentor; his political alliance with unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers; his work with Saul Alinsky’s cadre; his financial aid to ACORN; his ties to Chicago fixer Tony Rezko; and his affiliation with the Annenberg Challenge, which, under the cover of promoting education in Chicago, promoted left-wing activism.

When you get down to Obama’s actual record, his obvious dedication to black separatism and to Karl Marx’s dream of redistributing wealth, you begin to understand why some of us regard him as the worst sort of demagogue, and why our collective skin crawled when John McCain called him a gentleman, a good family man, and assured us that we’d have nothing to fear from an Obama presidency. It had me wondering whom McCain was planning to vote for on November 4th. If a cynical racist like Obama could receive such high marks, virtually an endorsement, from his opponent, I figured David Duke must be kicking himself that he never thought to run as a Democrat.

Although the economy is front and center at this moment, what happens next January if Iran drops the bomb on Tel Aviv or if the Islamics bring down the Empire State Building or the Sears Tower or Golden Gate Bridge? Believe me, nobody’s going to be talking about Ben Bernanke, and nobody in his right mind is going to want the man who is eager to sit down and chat with Mahmud Ahmadinejad or who sees a moral equivalency between Israel and her Islamic enemies seated in the Oval Office.

Obama is a man who sees taxes as a neat way to rob Peter to pay Paul, who wants us to contribute 50 billion dollars-a-year to the U.N. to fight world poverty, and who, instead of favoring English as our official language, insists we should all learn to speak Spanish, a language that neither he nor Mrs. Obama can speak.

The problem is that the only thing standing between Obama, the worst possible presidential candidate, a man who manages to make Hillary Clinton look good, and the White House is John McCain, the very worst campaigner. There are high school kids all over America who are running better races for sophomore class president.

I mean, when Obama keeps parroting the line about McCain’s having voted 90% of the time with George Bush, how hard should it be for McCain to point out that Obama voted even more often than that with the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Christopher Dodd, John Kerry and Barney Frank -- and, what’s more, got huge kickbacks from his grateful cronies at Fannie Mae? In 1948, Harry Truman ran against Congress even harder than he ran against Tom Dewey, and Congress 60 years ago was a lot more popular than the current version.

It was one thing for Obama, a man born to sell swampland to suckers, to pretend that ACORN was just a charitable organization doing good works when his campaign gave them $800,000, but now that we know that ACORN is nothing but a gang of punks and thugs whose sole purpose is to steal the election on his behalf, Obama has, in the immortal words of Desi Arnaz, a lot of ‘splaining to do. And since we know the media hacks won’t ask him, it’s up to John McCain to hold his feet to the fire.

If I were McCain, I’d start out by asking Obama if he thinks ACORN or that other famous community organization, the Mafia, is the more dangerous group. I, personally, have more respect for the Mafia. After all, they favor capitalism over socialism, they genuinely like America, they don’t try to destroy the election process and, what’s more, they dress a lot better, favoring camelhair coats over those corny red sweatshirts.

Heaven knows, I’ve done all I can. Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber have done all they can do. Now it’s up to John McCain to prove that he hasn’t placed a big bet on the other guy. Unlike Terry Malloy in “On the Waterfront,” he can’t go through life moaning about his fate, claiming he could have been a contender. He is a contender. The question is whether he has what it takes to knock out this lightweight in the final round and take home the title.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Letter: Sports Should Be Color-Blind

Dear Sports Editor:

If there's any place where race shouldn't be a consideration, it's the sports section. "A Series That Will Look Like Them" suggests that blacks are under-represented in major league baseball. So what? So are Jews, Asians and women. In the same sports section in which jubilation reigned because both Tampa Bay and Philadelphia have several black stars--as does every other team in the major leagues, by the way--there were pictures of several sports figures. Aside from the photos of Pete Carroll, jockey Alex Solis, Arizona quarterback Rudy Carpenter, a hockey team's assistant coach and horse of the year Curlin, all the others were of black athletes. Four were basketball players, four were baseball players, three were football players, one was a golfer and one was a martial arts fighter.

Would it therefore be fair to suggest that blacks are over-represented in the Times sports section?

Burt Prelutsky

Liberalism Is An Addiction

by Burt Prelutsky

It occurred to me the other day that in spite of a bad back and his marriage vows, JFK chased everything in skirts; that Gary Hart allowed his libido to sink his political career; that even nerdy Jimmy Carter confessed to having lust in his heart, although nobody in recorded history has ever been so silly or sanctimonious as to suggest that lust resided anywhere above the belt; and that Bill Clinton, like a spooky version of Mr. Rogers, patiently explained to America’s kids that oral sex isn’t really sex.

With all that in mind, doesn’t it strike you as hypocritical for the Democrats to get up in arms over a married mother of five running for the vice presidency? Doesn’t it seem at least slightly absurd that the only sexual activity that liberals frown upon is the sort that actually leads to babies being born?

Speaking of sexual activity, I came across a very peculiar traffic sign last week. We in California have long become inured to the signs depicting a family of four illegal aliens -- a father, mother and two children -- scurrying across a road. The message, I suppose, is to ignore our basic instincts, and slow down, not speed up, when we spot Mexican scofflaws sneaking into our country. The new sign I spotted is on Sunset Blvd., in West Hollywood, a community here in Los Angeles often referred to as Boys Town because it’s home to even more gays per square mile than San Francisco. The sign announced that the location was a No Cruising Zone, and that anyone caught crossing the intersection more than twice in four hours would receive a citation. I assume “citation” means a traffic ticket and not a medal, but I could be wrong. I suspect, though, that any gay hustler could beat the rap by accusing the authorities of entrapment. I mean, with all the movie star wannabes lurking in West Hollywood, how could any of them be expected to resist the opportunity to be filmed, even on a traffic camera?

I’m certain that by this time most people have seen the photos of the American flags that were left for the trash collector after the Democratic convention in Denver. Even though I have a flag outside my front door and hate to think of a flag, the symbol of a nation that inspired my two sets of grandparents to travel 7,000 miles so I could be fortunate enough to be born an American, I wasn’t as troubled by the photos as I would have been if they’d been misused after the Republican convention. Liberals, after all, are always insisting that they’re as patriotic as conservatives, but I don’t believe it. If they were, they’d respect the military far more than they do, they wouldn’t nominate someone like Barack Obama and they certainly wouldn’t keep saying how much America is despised around the world, while ignoring the fact that it’s a badge of honor to be despised by the likes of Russia, China, Iran, Yemen, North Korea, Venezuela and the PLO. They would also acknowledge that there must be a darn good reason why millions of people who weren’t as lucky as we were to be born in America are, literally in some cases, dying to come here.

So, when I see that the Democrats disrespected the flags, I understood that to them the flags were only cheap props like the balloons, the bunting, the confetti and those corny Greek columns. The real problem isn’t that the left trashed a few flags, but that they keep trashing the country.

A friend of mine has come up with what I regard as a wonderful solution to the problem of leftist influence. She proposes that liberals be offered an incentive to leave the country, as they are constantly threatening to do whenever it appears that a Republican might be elected president. The sum she came up with is a million dollars per person That sounds like a lot until you realize that nowadays people casually toss around sums in the trillions when discussing federal budgets and deficits. Still, I think there is room for negotiation. The point is, these left-wing whiners would get a deal similar to the one the protagonist received in Edward Everett Hales’s short story, “The Man Without a Country.” Unlike Philip Nolan, though, they wouldn’t be sentenced to spend the rest of their lives sailing the seas, but they would be denied the opportunity to ever set foot again on this sacred ground. Not even for a visit. Even if only a relatively small number of leftists accepted the deal, I, for one, would consider it money well spent.

Liberals have an impossible time defending their beliefs, which is why they rely on slogans and catch phrases, unfounded rumors and ad hominem attacks, on those who, like Sara Palin, think clearly and live according to Judeo-Christian principles.

The brains and values of left-wingers have decomposed to the point where they actually believe Keith Olbermann, Rosie O’Donnell and Chris Matthews make sense and that people like Whoopi Goldberg, Al Franken and Bill Maher, are funny. That is why I say that liberalism is an addiction -- and why, as with other addictions, I’d like to see it kicked. Kicked good and hard.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Obama: The Enemy Within

by Burt Prelutsky

These days, if you’re going to argue politics, it’s probably best to begin by defining terms. For instance, I often hear from conservatives who prefer to call themselves true liberals, while at the same time we have leftists calling themselves moderates or independents. We also have people on the right calling other people on the right neo-cons and Rinos (Republicans in name only). Instead of clearing anything up, all this constant labeling only serves to muddy the waters. For all normal purposes, I think it suffices to say that if you’re going to vote for McCain and Palin, you’re a Republican, and if you’re going to vote for Obama and Biden, you’re an idiot.

I simply can’t comprehend why half of America is going to troop out like zombies on Nov. 4th and cast their votes for the most left-wing radical who has ever run for president without running, like Norman Thomas, Eugene Debs, Eric Hass, Clifton DeBerry and Henning A. Blomen, as a Socialist; or, like Henry Wallace and Vincent Hallinan, as Progressives; or, like William Z. Foster, as a Communist. The only one of them to ever collect even as many as a million votes was Wallace, in 1948, when Truman and Dewey split 46 million votes between the two of them.

So, what on earth has happened that over 55 million Americans are prepared to cast their votes for a guy like Obama? How can anyone ignore what it says about the man’s character that he has maintained close relationships with people like Tony Rezko and William Ayers; attended a place of worship that was so hate-filled it was more like an Iranian mosque than an American church; and carried on the agenda of radical leftist Saul Alinsky as a community organizer and as counsel for ACORN.

Even if Obama didn’t cart around so much baggage -- and, no, of course I’m not referring to Michelle (“I’ve never been proud of America”) Obama -- why would any sane person want to entrust America’s well being to an unrepentant leftist? These are the same people who want us to lose in Iraq just as they wanted us to lose in Vietnam and, before that, in Korea. Obama’s disciples are the children and grandchildren of the folks who didn’t want us fighting Nazism 70 years ago, once Stalin and Hitler signed their mutual non-aggression pact, but insisted we go to war just as soon as Germany invaded the Soviet Union. They’re never for America, always siding with those opposed to us, be it the Communists in Cuba, China and Venezuela, or Islamic terrorists anywhere on earth, including New York City.

Although I’m aware of all the rumors floating around on the Internet, I’ve seen no compelling evidence that Obama is a Muslim. Frankly, though, I think he is something far worse -- a Jeremiah Wright version of a Christian, a racist who attended a church for 20 years, where he sat quietly and listened to a crazy bastard viciously attack white people, specifically white Christians, for a thousand Sundays. And all the while, he was seated next to his wife, a woman who took advantage of affirmative action to attend a classy university and then devoted her thesis to the proposition that the campus was a microcosm of racist America. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

In conclusion, let me just say that even something as catastrophic as the nation’s current financial crisis has its funny side, thanks to liberals. Consider Barack Obama, a man who apparently regards gall, hypocrisy and arrogance, as the most important attributes in a leader, blaming everything on the GOP, even though it was John McCain who was calling for stronger regulations on Fannie Mae all along, while it’s Obama who is joined at the hip with former Fannie Mae executives James Johnson and Franklin Delano Raines; it’s Obama who received thousands of dollars in kickbacks from his chums at Fannie Mae; and it’s Obama who, like FDR during the 1930s, is convinced that the way to resuscitate a failing economy is by increasing taxes.

But, in an attempt to be fair and balanced in placing the responsibility for the financial mess, I must admit it’s not entirely the fault of Sen. Obama. A lot of the blame goes to his good friend and political ally, Rep. Barney Frank. He’s the fellow who not only turned a blind eye to the goings-on at Fannie Mae, but was in bed, both figuratively and literally, with the man he called his spouse, Herbert Moses, the one-time director of housing initiatives for Fannie Mae.

As Rep. Frank’s obvious role model, Porky Pig, was famous for saying, “Th-Th-That’s all, folks!”

Thursday, October 16, 2008

ACORN: A Clear And Present Danger

by Burt Prelutsky

As you may have noticed, left-wingers really hate to lose. That’s why, even eight years after the fact, they are still wringing their hands over the 2000 presidential election. They still insist that George W. Bush and the Republicans swiped it, even though several objective sources have since confirmed that, chads or no chads, Bush carried Florida, and that Sandra Day O’Connor, otherwise a heroine to leftists, was one of the Supreme Court justices who ruled against Al Gore, the candidate who couldn’t even carry his home state. Which is reason enough all of us should be forever grateful to the voters in Tennessee.

The idea that the Democrats have been crying “Foul!” for eight long years should appeal to everyone who appreciates irony. For it is those on the far left who have done everything in their power to corrupt the election process. One of their chief means of doing so has been through the activities of a group known as ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now). With approximately 175,000 dues-paying members, they own TV stations, businesses and periodicals, and have offices stretching from Canada to Peru, with over 80 offices in the U.S.

To give you some idea how all-encompassing the group is, they have schools where the children of leftists are trained in class-consciousness; they run boot camps for training street activists; and, like Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition, they extort money from banks and other businesses by threatening racial violence and trumped-up civil rights charges. One can almost imagine Marx, Lenin and Stalin, shaking their heads in admiration and hoisting their glasses in toast.

Apparently, the members of ACORN have gained control of the New York City government, resulting in a rollback of welfare reform; the appointment of a politicized Civilian Review Board, empowered to prosecute police officers and ban racial and ethnic profiling in the city that experienced 9/11 firsthand; raise corporate taxes; and is attempting to prevent any corporation from fleeing the city without obtaining an “exit visa.” Even before Berkeley got around to having its own foreign policy, New York’s City Council, by a 31-17 vote, passed a resolution condemning the U.S. invasion of Iraq.

For several years, the leadership covered up the fact that Dale Rathke, the brother of Wade Rathke, who co-founded ACORN, had embezzled nearly a million dollars from the organization. Once the theft finally came to light, the excuse given for not informing the authorities was that those of us on the right would use it as an excuse to attack the group. That of course is an obvious lie. Those of us on the right have far better reasons than financial skullduggery to attack ACORN. In fact, I, for one, regard Dale Rathke as something of a folk hero. I say it was far better that he squandered his ill-gotten gains on wine, women and song, than that the group got to spend it subverting the democratic process.

These people, self-proclaimed defenders of freedom, liberty and the working man -- or, more often, non-working man -- devote most of their energy and resources to making sure that they fix elections in much the same way that crooked gamblers fix fights. During the 2004 election cycle, ACORN ran a “voter mobilization drive” that resulted in countless allegations of fraudulent voter registration, vote-rigging and vote-for-pay scams. One of their specialties was registering convicted felons. Attorney generals in many states filed charges against several members of the group, charges that included voter-intimidation, vandalism and the destruction of voter registration forms.

What I have not been able to figure out is why the leaders of the group have not been indicted under RICO (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act) for taking part in an ongoing criminal organization. The only logical reason that the feds have backed off is because of ACORN’s close ties to organized labor. Tragically, in 2008 America, it’s not only individuals who are easily intimidated, but the government itself.

It’s no surprise that Barack Obama is ACORN’s choice for the White House. ACORN, after all, was created by those who subscribed to Saul Alinsky’s left-wing belief that class warfare is the only war worth fighting and that in order to win it, the ends always justify the means. And however much the left has recently attempted to pass off “community organizer” as a Christ-like vocation, everyone in his right mind knows that these days it’s code for Communist activist.

To my way of thinking, as catastrophic as it would be if Sen. Obama were to wind up in the White House, it would be far worse if he were to be elected because he and his colleagues had stolen the election.

An acorn, as we all know, is a nut. ACORN, however, home to 175,000 nuts, are the seeds, not of mighty oaks, but of political stinkweed, and the sooner they’re eradicated, the better.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

If I Were John McCain

by Burt Prelutsky

Let me state for the record that I do not want to be president. For one thing, I don’t want to move east because I hate cold weather. For another, I make it a point to avoid any event that requires a suit and tie, and, so far as I can tell, the president has to get dressed up to go to the bathroom. Besides, the mere thought of having to spend time with people like Robert Byrd, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, Barney Frank, Harry Reid and Christopher Dodd, is enough to give me a migraine. However, if the only alternative to my having to take the job is for Barack Obama to get it, I’ll make the sacrifice.

So, my question is, if I’m willing to give up nice weather and tennis shorts for the good of our beloved country, why isn’t John McCain at least willing to take off the kid gloves? I haven’t seen this little energy since Fred Thompson dropped his hat in the ring.

It’s my own theory that the liberals have squawked so much about McCain’s alleged temper that his handlers have been driving home the message that the senator must remain cool, calm and collected. That happens to be very professional and very predictable advice. The only problem is that it’s also very stupid. At a time when the American public wants to round up every politician, every CEO and every economic advisor who had anything to do with the current meltdown and hang their sorry carcasses from the tallest tree, McCain should be the guy carrying the rope.

Heck, Harry Truman got angrier at a music critic who gave his daughter Margaret a bad review than McCain has gotten with the liberal crew who got us into this mess by pandering to poor people -- mainly blacks and Latinos -- by first buying their votes with absurd home loans, and then sticking the rest of us with the $700 billion bill.

If I were John McCain, I would skip the next debate. After those first two snooze festivals, nobody except maybe Bob Schieffer’s mother will be tuning in anyway. Instead, I would buy up an hour on all three networks. I would walk on stage and announce, “I’ve fired all my handlers. Anyone who needs to be told what to say and how to say it by a bunch of high-priced media wonks doesn’t deserve to be president of the United States.”

Next, I would say that Sarah Palin is my choice for vice-president not because she’s a woman, but because she’s the best person for the job, because of her values, her character and her brains. “But,” I would go on, “the voters deserve to know as much as possible about the judgment of a man who wants to be their leader. So, although your president doesn’t and shouldn’t have handlers, he does have advisors. These would be mine…Secretary of State Newt Gingrich, Secretary of the Treasury Mitt Romney, Attorney General Rudy Giuliani…” As I read off the names of my entire cabinet, I would have each of them join me on stage, and after introducing Secretary of Defense Joe Lieberman, I would say, “This is my team, America.”

Then, I would go on to announce that during my first week in the Oval Office, I would instruct Attorney General Giuliani to investigate and, wherever possible, indict anyone who played a role in the sub-prime scandal. I would go on to say that I was instructing the Justice Department to bring RICO charges against ACORN for engaging in an ongoing criminal conspiracy to suborn the election process in America.

I would also ask Congress to make sexual crimes against children a capital offense.

I would then devote the remainder of the hour to my undistinguished opponent. I would say that liberals keep insisting that attempts to connect Barack Obama to the unsavory likes of Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, Father Pfleger, Saul Alinsky, William Ayers and ACORN, is nothing more or less than guilt by association. I wouldn’t even try to deny it. Why would I bother? After all, when a man is 47 years old and everyone and everything he’s been closely associated with, including even the church he attended for most of his adult life, is radical, corrupt or racist, most sensible Americans would agree with me that it’s a pattern, and not dismiss it as mere partisanship.

Obama, we keep being told, is brilliant. But his brilliance seems to be that of a born con man. He will turn on a dime and lie about anything from his place of birth to his relationship with native-born terrorists William Ayers and Mrs. Ayers, a fellow ex-member of the Weather Underground, Bernadine Dohrn. For Obama to claim that Ayers was just a guy who happened to live in his neighborhood, a fellow he hadn’t realized was a role model for Timothy McVeigh, is such a blatant lie that it amazes me that anyone, even such pinheads as Alan Colmes, Bill Maher and Chris Matthews, is buying it.

For one thing, even if Obama was a kid when Ayers, Dohrn and their pals were bombing or trying to bomb the Pentagon, the Capitol Building and a New York police station, Ayers is a famous guy in Chicago -- and he never hid his light under a bushel, only his explosives.

However, the real point of the Obama-Ayers relationship isn’t based on what Ayers was doing back in the 60s, but, rather, what he and his political protégé were doing just a few years ago. We keep hearing Obama’s defenders tell us that these two virtual strangers served on a couple of boards together. They make them sound like Mother Teresa and Sister Kenny. What they don’t get around to mentioning is that Ayers not only hosted the party kicking off Obama’s political career in his living room, but that they served together on the Chicago Annenberg Challenge, a group headed up for six years by Obama.

I have no idea how the Annenberg Foundation thought its money would be spent, but I doubt if the guy who made his fortune as the publisher of Seventeen and TV Guide, and was a pal of Ronald Reagan, had any idea that millions that were supposed to be used to improve Chicago’s schools would have some of it funneled off to Mike Klonsky, a founder of the Maoist Party of America; some to ACORN’s coffers; and some to Obama’s political war chest.

Even the money that theoretically went towards education was used by Ayers and Obama to promote their left-wing agenda. It was Ayers’ stated purpose that the schools infuse students and their parents with a radical political commitment that downplayed achievement tests in favor of activism. Ayers, who got word of his first teaching job while in jail for leading a draft board sit-in, and who has proudly identified himself as “a radical leftist, a small ‘c’ communist,” has clearly defined his approach to education: “Teachers should be community organizers dedicated to providing resistance to American racism and oppression.”

As the hour ended, I would conclude by saying, “I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Ayers for explaining the actual duties and responsibilities of a community organizer. Until now, we had been led to believe that the position called for a combination of Jesus Christ and Superman. Now we know that any anti-American small ‘c’ communist twerp can handle the job. Of course I’m not suggesting that just because Mr. Ayers hates our country and that, while discussing his past terrorist activity, said that his only regret is that he didn’t set off more bombs, we should assume the worst about Sen. Obama. After all, when they last sat on the Annenberg Challenge board together, Barack Obama was a mere tot, barely 40 years old.”

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Listen Up, John McCain!

by Burt Prelutsky

As you may have guessed, I don’t personally know the Republican candidate for president. I’ve never met him and I expect I never will. I’m sure that if I’d been in a position to fork over $5,000 for dinner at a fund-raiser, it could have been easily arranged. However, I have one unbreakable rule: If I pay $5,000 to have dinner with someone, he’s then going to have to cough up $5,000 pretty darn quick to have dinner with me. And, frankly, he’d get a lot more for his money than I’d get for mine. That’s because he couldn’t help me become a better writer, but I could certainly help him get elected.

For openers, I’d tell him to quit treating Obama like an equal. When he keeps calling you “John,” you don’t keep calling him “Senator Obama.” When Ronald Reagan debated with Walter Mondale, he made light of his advanced age by saying that he hoped the voters wouldn’t hold his opponent’s relative youth and lack of experience against him. Of course, McCain lacks Reagan’s personality and ability to deliver an amusing line. Who doesn’t? But that’s no excuse for praising Obama’s background as a community organizer when everybody knows, or certainly should know, that’s code for a left-wing activist.

In Obama’s case, being a community organizer was just a way, like joining Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s racist church, to go about developing street creds so he could get the hell out of the community and into the Illinois legislature.

There was no reason for McCain to avoid tying Obama to Bill Ayers, Tony Rezko, the current economic crisis and ACORN, just as there was no good reason to neglect pinning the earmark tail on this particular donkey; especially when Obama has rapidly become one of Washington’s leading pork merchants. Furthermore, when debating their opposing views on taxes, why didn’t McCain mention the fact that Obama has signed on in support of the U.N.’s multi-billion dollar plan to erase global poverty? This would have been particularly telling because, as even Democrats know, just about every bill the U.N. runs up is paid for by the American taxpayer. I say if Obama wants his cousin in Kenya to move out of that unheated shack we keep hearing about, he and Michelle should send him a few bucks and leave the rest of us out of it.

I am troubled by the thought that McCain’s reluctance to tell the unpleasant truth about Barack Obama is because the very junior senator is 50% blacker than he is. It’s bad enough that 90% of black voters decided on no other basis than race to vote for Obama, the allegedly post-racial messiah, when he was running against Hillary Clinton. It will be fatal for McCain if he continues to shy away from confronting his opponent, a radical Marxist and cheap political hack, simply because he lacks the guts to call a spade a spade.

Something else I don’t comprehend is why presidential candidates, who always insist they’re ready to govern on day one, don’t make a point of telling us who will be in their cabinet on that fateful day. I don’t see how it would hurt McCain to let us know that when he and Cindy move into the White House, some of the folks seated around the big table will include the likes of Defense Secretary Joe Lieberman, Treasury Secretary Mitt Romney, Chief of Homeland Security Rudy Giuliani and Secretary of State Newt Gingrich.

In much the same way, I’d love to know what positions Jesse Jackson, Charles Schumer, Richard Durbin, Barney Frank, Barbara Boxer, George Soros and Charles Rangel, would hold in an Obama administration. Of course, I’m assuming that Bill Clinton would be the official food taster.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Higher (Priced) Education

by Burt Prelutsky

Oscar Wilde once described a cynic as a man who knew the price of everything and the value of nothing. It makes me wonder, were he alive today, if he would characterize us as a country of cynics or merely dismiss us as a nation of fools.

I mean, how is it that Americans who lived hard scrabble lives 150 years ago could read, write, do math problems and quote at length from Shakespeare and the Bible, while today, in spite of “Sesame Street,” pre-school, Operation Head Start, computers and mind-numbing hours of homework, millions of youngsters entering college can do none of those things?

It seems obvious to me that our education system, which costs us billions and billions of dollars, is a wreck. While not all of it is the fault of the teachers unions, affirmative action, bi-lingual education and the emphasis on promoting self-esteem in the youngsters, a lot of it is. But if there was any one thing I would change tomorrow, it’s the loony notion that everyone should get a college degree.

It’s as if the nation’s water supply had been tampered with by one of those fairy tale witches who was always up to no good, poisoning apples, putting people into comas, locking them up in towers and placing curses on newborn babies. One day, it seems, everybody in America woke up convinced that he or she was the parent of a young scholar. No matter what sacrifice they had to make for their budding Albert Einstein or Marie Curie, they would see to it that their young sprouts made it safely through the groves of academe.

As a result, the biggest con game, the slickest racket, in America is the co-called college education.

Now, please understand, I have nothing against education. My only objection is the way the whole thing works. Why, for instance, do you think students are required to devote four years to undergraduate studies? It’s simply because that’s how the colleges make their money. It’s like the movies. They don’t make their profit selling you a ticket, they clean up at the concession stand selling you popcorn and over-priced candy and sodas.

What they claim is that they want to turn out well-rounded individuals, but that is such an obvious lie, it’s a wonder that anyone believes it for a second. Hardly anyone in America has been all that well-rounded since Thomas Jefferson passed away. Aside from learning how to drink themselves into a stupor and smooth-talk members of the opposite sex, those first four years have no other purpose than to drain off thousands of dollars from mom and dad in order to pay exorbitant salaries to administrators, professors and a gaggle of athletic coaches.

There is a solution to this madness, but it would require that we quit pretending that anyone should be devoting four years to listening to lazy left-wing professors nattering on about 20th century comic books, 19th century French poetry, the movies of Sam Fuller, the scribbling of Noam Chomsky or the sex life of Henry Miller.

What I propose is that they turn colleges and universities into libraries, zoos, hospitals or, for all I care, parking lots or low income housing. And in place of these ivory towers, I would institute an assortment of trade schools. But not just those traditional trade schools where high school graduates learn to be mechanics, plumbers and carpenters, but trade schools for lawyers, doctors, accountants and architects.

Frankly, I don’t care if my doctor has ever read Baudelaire or my accountant can tell a Manet from a Monet, not that they could even if they’d wasted four years of their lives as undergrads. Thanks to computers and the local library, anybody can bone up on just about anything he’s interested in, and it doesn’t cost upwards of $100,000 to do it.

My system is far more efficient than what we have today, plus parents wouldn’t have to mortgage their homes just so Johnny and Susie can attend a school that has ivy on its walls or a Rose Bowl-bound football team.

In time, I believe, we could learn to accept that what we now refer to as a college education is just a pastime, except, of course, when it’s really just a joke. libraries

Sunday, October 5, 2008

“Son Of Frankenstein,” Starring Barack Obama

by Burt Prelutsky

I have a confession to make. I hate scary movies. It’s not an aesthetic judgment. It has nothing to do with the fact that the writing and acting tend to be awful. It’s quite simply because they scare me. It makes no difference that for years I worked in TV. I understand that it’s just a movie, and that there are grips and gaffers and makeup people lurking around behind the camera. All I know is that as soon as someone or something jumps out of the closet, I jump out of my seat.

I understand that there are people who enjoy the adrenaline rush they get from a good chill. Those are the lunatics you’ll find on roller-coasters -- especially the thrill seekers who take their hands off the safety bar when the coaster goes into its dive. They’re the people who go in for parachuting, bungee-jumping and hang-gliding. Although I used to ride a motorcycle when I was younger, that was mainly because I couldn’t afford a car.

I am simply not one of those guys who goes in for activities whose chief appeal, or so it seems to me, is that, at their conclusion, one gets to say, “Well, I’m still alive.” That happens to be what I like to say every morning when I wake up, and so far, so good.

What puts me in this frame of mind is that the presidential race reminds me of those really dumb scary movies. You know the ones I mean -- the ones in which the innocent victim hears a suspicious noise coming from the cellar. Then, instead of getting up, leaving the house and moving to a different city thousands of miles away, he or she decides to go snooping around downstairs. Never willing to leave bad enough alone, the pinhead has no option but to satisfy his curiosity as to whether the source of that noise was a vampire, an alien life form that derives its sustenance from human flesh or just your standard run of the mill homicidal maniac.

As I see it, we conservatives are the ones in the audience offering good sound advice, such as “Don’t go down there,” “Call the cops,” “It’s not mice, you idiot,” but, still, the silly characters can’t help themselves. Clearly, these people have led very sheltered lives and have never seen a scary movie. They seem completely unaware that most accidents happen in the home -- especially when the house was built by Stephen King -- and accidents that occur in cellars nearly always involve hatchets, fangs and chainsaws.

While the folks in the audience, as I say, the rational, sensible people, are conservatives, the ones blithely traipsing down the stairs are liberals. The creatures in the shadowy cellar, the ones wearing hockey masks, looking a lot like Freddy Krueger and Hannibal Lector, are the likes of McGovern, Carter, Dukakis, Clinton, Gore and Kerry.

As is usually the case with sequels, be they “Rambo,” “Friday the 13th,” “Halloween” or “Nightmare on Elm Street,” they just keep getting worse and worse as the Roman numerals in their titles pile up. The latest scream fest, starring Barack Obama, and featuring Joe Biden and Michelle Obama, with a supporting cast that includes the spooky likes of Tony Rezko, Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright, is the worst one yet. The script is nearly as awful as the actors. One minute, the leading man is saying we have 57 states and that a nuclear Iran poses no danger, the next minute he’s claiming he sat in a racist church for 20 years without hearing an offensive word, and that when his wife said she’d never been proud of America, she was just kidding….and can’t we all take a joke?

Obama has gone so far as to vow that if this movie succeeds at the box office, if the grosses are large enough on November 4th, he intends to raise ticket prices, otherwise known as taxes.

The scariest thing of all is that there are millions of Americans who think he’s so darn convincing in the role of president ihat in spite of the fact that he has no prior acting experience, he deserves an Oscar.

Counting Down To The Election

by Burt Prelutsky

Recently, I read an article about a guy in Georgia who claimed that he could turn virtually anything, including grass clippings, garbage and, for all I know, John Kerry’s old speeches, into methane gas. As I understand it, this fellow and the U.S. military are building seven pilot plants that he claims will provide America with one million barrels of oil a day. If it all pans out the way it’s supposed to, additional plants will be built and within five or six years, we could be free of not only our dependence on foreign oil, but the need for Nancy Pelosi to come to her senses.

The guy in Georgia claims he got the notion while standing downwind from the cows at his food production company. Which made me wonder why the idea hadn’t occurred to anyone standing downwind from our nation’s capitol.

Sometimes, I find myself almost feeling sorry for our so-called public servants. But I quickly get over it. All I have to do is consider the fact that the same louts who drag out Martin Luther King’s remark about character trumping color when they’re running for office don’t find anything obscene about the existence of something called the Congressional Black Caucus. This is the group of scoundrels who gave an ovation to Louisiana’s Rep. William (“Cold Cash”) Jefferson, the fellow who had stashed a $90,000 bribe in his refrigerator, upon his triumphant return to the House of Representatives.

What always confounds me about the liberals in the House and Senate is how disrespectful they are of the president because he has a favorable rating of only about 30% when that’s three times higher than their own. It’s also peculiar how much power and influence the Democrats hand over to the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Joe Biden, when, in their last elections, this tacky trio garnered only 110,000, 494,000 and 135,000 votes, respectively. That’s right -- less than three-quarters of a million votes between them, and they carry on as if they have a mandate from the American people.

Speaking of numbers, I am constantly taken aback when pollsters claim that the coming election is neck-and-neck because McCain and Obama are separated by only one or two percent. Am I the only person who’s aware that it’s electoral votes, not popular votes, that matter in presidential elections? For instance, if Obama runs up margins in the millions in New York, California and Massachusetts, he’ll sill lose if McCain takes Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Texas, Minnesota, Virginia and New Mexico, by margins in the thousands. In fact, I can guarantee you that if they each take 48% of the popular vote, McCain will win the election without even breaking a sweat.

The other day, one of my liberal readers sent me an e-mail. He took exception to my claim that Democratic politicians were far worse than Republicans when it came to sticking their noses where they didn’t belong. He wrote: “Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our children and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of getting government out of our lives.”

I considered warning him that irony should be left to the professionals, but I wanted to maintain a courteous tone, so, instead, I wrote: “Suggesting how one should live in order to lead a happier and healthier life is not the same thing as creating legislation that shreds the First Amendment. Please tell me anything the GOP has done that even comes close to being as un-American and as reminiscent of Orwell’s ‘1984’as that which is euphemistically referred to as the Fairness Doctrine. And please don’t mention the Patriot Act unless you, unlike every other liberal I have ever argued with, can point to a single freedom it has cost you or anyone you know. Only a liberal would regard talk radio as propagandistic, while, at the same time, insisting that CNN, MSNBC, the three major networks, the New York Times, the Washington Post and USAToday, are honest and objective in their reporting. It seems to me that the only thing that America’s liberal media has against the managed news we associate with the Soviet Union’s Pravda and the Islamic Al Jazeera is that they didn’t think of it first. If I knew his name, I would happily give him credit, but someone on the radio recently suggested that mainstream media is a misnomer. He said it should be called the downstream media because it’s filled with sewage and manure.

“In conclusion, let me just say that in spite of my being a conservative and Barack Obama’s being a Marxist, I have only one major difference with the man who was born to be the president of Kenya. He thinks that when it comes to being the leader of the free world, deciding when life begins is the only thing above his pay grade. I, on the other hand, think everything is.”

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Hashing It Out With Liberals

by Burt Prelutsky

I have friends who are liberals. I’m not bragging, you understand, merely stating for the record that I’m aware that they’re not all hypocritical lunkheads. But I do have to keep repeating it to myself like a mantra, because otherwise the sheer weight of the evidence would bury me and my good intentions.

How is it, for instance, that they can bring themselves to parrot every moronic statement uttered by the likes of Gore, Reid, Schumer, Durbin and that noted plagiarist, Joe Biden? How is it that even the avowed feminists among them attack Sarah Palin for being tough as nails. Do they regard Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama, as warm and cuddly?

Let us consider oil for a minute. If you were to believe the leading lights on the left, you can’t drill your way out of the energy crisis. Oh, really? Just how do they think oil gets out of the ground and into their gas tank? Do all of them believe in the oil fairy? And what is it they have against drilling in Anwar and off our sea coast? If they claim that they’re not simply against capitalism and that their concerns are ecologically-based, they’re liars and hypocrites. After all, whether or not we drill, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Iraq, Iran, Russia, Mexico and Canada, are going to keep drilling. As the lefties keep reminding us, this is all one planet, Mother Earth.

Furthermore, as that other big mother, Mother Nature, with her tsunamis, earthquakes and hurricanes keeps reminding us, when it comes to raising havoc and making a really big mess, we mere mortals are feeble and pathetic. As for global warming or climate change or whatever it is the liberals are fretting about this week, they should keep in mind that Ma Nature is a lady of many moods when it comes to the weather. At one point, ice covered Canada all the way down into what is now Nova Scotia, and it receded to the Arctic Circle without any help from the internal combustion engine.

The clearest proof that those lamebrains on the left will fall for anything that purports to be ecologically well-intentioned was a stunt carried off by those two notorious scamps, Penn and Teller. They hired a few earnest-looking young people to pass around petitions demanding that the government once and for all ban the use of H2O. Even I was surprised at the number of people who signed on, oblivious to the fact that they were demanding that water be outlawed.

I am constantly perplexed by the animosity liberals have to what they insist on calling big oil. Do they actually imagine that a small mom-and-pop outfit could get oil out of the ground and into a pipeline or aboard a tanker, move it thousands of miles, refine it and deliver it to your corner gas station? In any case, I at least know what big oil is. But what the heck is small oil? That grease spot on my driveway?

Another thing that gets on my nerves is the way that liberals are always telling us how smart they are. Jimmy Carter, they kept telling us, was a genius. Bill Clinton, they believed, was another Einstein. Hillary, according to them, is the smartest woman in America, and Barack Obama is not only brilliant, but, according to his running mate, very clean. Now, nobody stands in greater awe of brilliance than I do. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be surprised if at this very moment, someone somewhere is coming up with an invention that will transform our lives the way the computer has, while somebody else is coming up with a cure for Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, while a third party, for all we know, is in a lab whipping up a contraceptive pill for men that will make Roe v. Wade as irrelevant as the Dred Scott decision. But whenever anyone describes a politician -- even one whose politics I agree with -- as a super intellect, I know that I’m dealing with some boob who has confused blind ambition and a massive ego with a great mind.

I mean, I know we have to have a president, but doesn’t it disturb you when you stop and realize that your candidate actually believes he or she is the most qualified person in a country of 300 million people to make all the most important decisions affecting us and the rest of the world? Really, just how different are they from those poor deluded souls wandering around the asylums insisting they’re Napoleon?