Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Inmates Are Running The Asylum

by Burt Prelutsky

When I first began blogging five or six years ago, I wondered how many pieces I would write before running dry. I needn’t have worried. I have now written close to 700, but in this age of lunacy, I’m far likelier to lose my typing skills than to run out of topics, or perhaps I should say targets.

For instance, take the stock market. Many people seem to regard it as a legitimate indicator of the nation’s economy. But inasmuch as it has been moving up slowly but steadily ever since Barack Obama took office, I have to wonder what it is about a failing dollar, a record deficit and a 10% rate of unemployment that makes Wall Street so doggone bullish. Frankly, when evaluating the sorry state of our economy, I think it makes more sense to rely on the reading of tea leaves and animal entrails.

I recall once reading that between one gig and another, Hugh Downs had spent more hours on TV than any other human being. I don’t have any idea if Ed McMahon or Regis Philbin or someone else ever surpassed his total, but I suspect that Barack Obama just might claim the record as early as next weekend. Is it possible that by now even his most devoted fans haven’t had their fill of him?

In the wake of Obama’s collecting the goofy Peace Prize, for which he was nominated within 11 days of his taking office -- for perhaps moving his mother-in-law into the White House -- he has become something of a worldwide punchline. Even the New York Times and Saturday Night Live have taken a crack at him. There’s even a rumor floating around that Joe Biden has begun telling Barack Obama jokes.

Speaking of rumors, I’ve heard that the President will next win the Heisman Trophy for having watched a college football game on TV, and I have started one of my own predicting he will win the Cy Young Award for having tossed out the first ball at the All Star Game.

Then there’s the theatrical event recently staged at the White House, which should make us question whether there’s anything about this administration that anyone but a card-carrying Obama groupie can believe. I refer to the white coats Rahm Emanuel and David Axelrod had passed out to the doctors who, for reasons beyond my comprehension, decided to support Obamacare. Were they all veterinarians? Or perhaps they were a group of those pretentious Ph.Ds from the Ivy League who insist on being addressed as Doctor, even though they can’t set a broken leg or prescribe aspirins.

Is it possible that old TV commercial will be revised so that a distinguished-looking fellow in a white smock will admit, “I’m not really a doctor, but I played one at the White House”?

Next, we come to those liberals who insist that anyone who opposes Obamacare; the trillion dollar stimulus package; his energy bill; the gobbling up of GM, Chrysler and various financial institutions; his ties to the UAW, ACORN and the SEIU; his surrounding himself with self-proclaimed radicals; or who even takes exception to the First Lady’s flaunting of her biceps; is a racist. Even if, as a conservative, you respect and admire the likes of Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams and Clarence Thomas, all of whom are 50% blacker than President Obama, you are labeled a Klan member.

In fact, even if, by God, you voted for Barack Obama in 2008, believing, in spite of all the evidence, that he was a centrist, only to change your mind in 2009, after watching him blow trillions of your tax dollars on his pet pork projects, you might just as well be toting a lynch rope.

By this time, I don’t think you even have to be a conservative to recognize that the Democrats are like the foolish boy who cried “Wolf!” Unlike the little shepherd, they cry “Racist!” but, just like him, they’ve done it once too often.

Finally, we have yet another fine example of why liberals should not ever be in charge of anything -- not Congress, not the White House, not the military and certainly not public education. In fact, I believe that parents who keep their kids in public schools when they can afford to send them to private or parochial schools, should be arrested for child abuse.

In case you happened to miss the story, Zachary Christie, age 6, was so proud of joining the Cub Scouts that he brought his camping utensil, a combination fork, knife and spoon, to school, intending to use it at lunchtime. But he hadn’t taken into account the knuckleheaded administrators running the Christina School District of Newark, Delaware.

For violating the zero-tolerance policy regarding “weapons,” young Dillinger was not only kicked out of his grammar school, but faces 45 days of detention in reform school.

Last year, you might recall, a third grader in Delaware was booted out of school because her grandmother sent her to class with a birthday cake, along with a knife for cutting it. One can only hope that Granny then baked her a second cake with a file in it so she could manage to bust out of jail.

Some of us have long been puzzled how a dunce like Delaware’s Joe Biden could keep getting re-elected to the U.S. Senate.

Well, we can stop wondering. That mystery has been solved.

According to Zachary’s parents, the boy takes school so seriously that he sometimes insists on wearing a suit and tie to class. Now, however, it seems he’s afraid he’ll be teased because he’s gotten into trouble. I just hope somebody tells this six-year-old that if he hasn’t been ribbed over the suit and tie, he has very broad-minded schoolmates and probably has nothing to worry about.

But, what’s the world coming to when a nice little boy gets into hot water for taking a Cub Scout tool to class so he can be the cool kid eating soup with his own personal spoon, but nobody thinks a thing about it when Henry Waxman or Barney Frank gets anywhere near a microphone or Barack Obama gets within 50 feet of a Teleprompter.