Thursday, April 29, 2010

Election Year Notions

by Burt Prelutsky

Each time I hear that 40% of Americans pay no income taxes, I feel my gorge rising in a way I haven’t experienced since getting my acid reflux under control. As I see it, if you don’t pay in, you don’t have the same stake in things that 60% of us do. It strikes me as immoral that any American should be free of this financial obligation. If it were up to me, if you don’t pay income taxes, I wouldn’t even let you vote. Why on earth should they have a voice in how other people’s tax dollars are spent or who gets to spend them?

Speaking of tax dollars, in order to enforce ObamaCare, I understand the feds intend to hire an additional 15,000 IRS agents. Inasmuch as revenuers earn a bit over $90,000-a-year in salary, and not counting pensions, that’s nearly $1.5 billion-a-year that Obama and his stooges haven’t mentioned when talking about how his plan will reduce medical expenses and lower the deficit.

At some point, especially in an election year, one keeps expecting Obama to act more like a normal human being and less like the science fiction pod he usually resembles. But, instead, he voices greater dismay over America’s being a nuclear superpower and less about Iran’s becoming one. Am I the only person who finds it outrageous that, as if to make up for failing to stop Iran’s nuclear development program, Obama decided to deplete America’s nuclear stockpile? Besides, by this late date, even a backward child understands that if Russia agrees to do something in concert with the United States, the United States is going to be taken to the cleaners.

At the same time that Obama was depleting our nuclear arsenal, he was also cutting off funding to NASA. Because we all know that Obama never gives a second thought to budget considerations, the question is why would he cut back on space exploration. My theory is that because none of the Muslim nations is capable of launching a space program, he doesn’t want to embarrass them with ours.

Some folks are shocked that after committing one gaffe after another and spending America into bankruptcy, Obama’s approval ratings are still hovering over 40%, but I’m not the least bit surprised. Back in the 1960s, stupid youngsters were saying, “If it feels good, do it.” They were referring to drugs and sex. With the passage of time, those knuckleheads became judges, journalists and professors, and they and their offspring continued to parrot those six words until it came to define their politics. So, no matter how unqualified Obama was in terms of experience or temperament to hold the highest office in the land, if it made these airheads feel good to vote for a black man, that’s all that mattered.

The reason that a college degree has become essential in 2010 isn’t because four years of liberal arts is actually required to hold down 98% of all jobs, but because the Left requires those four years in order to turn millions of young people into sheep willing to buy into every piece of leftist claptrap, ranging from the dangers of global warming to the evils of capitalism. The Left also needed those four years of exorbitant expenses in order that the kids who majored in black, Hispanic and lesbian, studies would be able to earn a living teaching it to other blockheads.

You still have to hand it to them. After all, it shouldn’t be that easy convincing young Americans that Palestinian suicide bombers are the moral superiors of Israelis or that Cuba’s health care system is superior to America’s. But when their parents willingly blow upwards of $25,000-a-year so that nutball professors can fill their empty heads with left-wing hogwash, why wouldn’t they soak it up like brainless sponges? It isn’t always fair to blame the parents for the sins of their children, but these are clear-cut cases of child abuse.

Finally, it was recently announced by an official North Korean spokesman that Kim Jong-il scored 11 holes-in-one during a single round of golf. My initial reaction was that Kim probably had those other seven holes executed as enemy agents. But then I expected to hear Robert Gibbs pooh-pooh the outlandish claim, pointing out how absurd it was when Barack Obama had never aced more then seven holes in a single round.

While I’m not a golfer, I do like the idea of mulligans. For instance, who hasn’t made a mistake or misspoken and immediately wished he could call for a do-over? Right about now, I’d like to take a mulligan on the 2008 election.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Monday, April 26, 2010

Liberals Should Come With Warning Labels

by Burt Prelutsky

One of my many beefs with left-wingers is that they rarely say what they mean or mean what they say. For instance, liberals constantly carry on as if homosexuals in 2010 are an oppressed minority whose status is comparable to that of black slaves 150 years ago. They even pretend that their opposition to the Boy Scouts and the U.S. military has something to do with their respective policies towards gays. However, let a Republican politician grope a male colleague or play footsies in an airport men’s room and these same tolerant, broad-minded, individuals start brandishing a lynch rope.

Speaking of alternate life styles, as liberals describe homosexual behavior when referring to sexual deviance involving their political allies, I think the curriculum in sex education classes should be expanded. In addition to teaching the young sprouts how to make certain that bananas never engage in unprotected sexual activity, I think they should show films of young criminals being initiated into prison life. It just might help to discourage a few teenage hot shots from driving cars and spray-painting walls that don’t belong to them.

Sometimes, I take a look at what’s going on in Washington and, like any other sensible person, I just want to sit down and cry. But then I take another look and I can’t help laughing. I mean, has it ever occurred to you that the House and the Senate each has members in what are amusingly referred to as ethics committees. Can you imagine sitting on one of those committees and each and every day when you go home, you have to listen to your spouse ask the same question: “Well, honey, what didn’t you do today?”

Expecting those creeps to police themselves is a lot like asking the fox to place himself under arrest for raiding the chicken coop.

If I weren’t such a cold-hearted brute, I might actually start feeling sorry for Barack Obama. The poor guy was so darn certain that Iran would love him every bit as much as those infatuated bobby-soxers over at MSNBC, but no matter how often he batted his eyes and dropped his hanky, Mahmud Ahmadinejad remained impervious to his charms. One can only guess how often he cried himself to sleep, wondering why it couldn’t be Chris Matthews or Keith Olbermann who was ruling Iran.

Finally, though, Obama dried his tears and asked himself, “What would Neville Chamberlain do?” And, sure enough, the answer came to him in a flash: If Iran won’t stop their nuclear bomb program, he decided, we’ll stop ours! I can see him turning to Michelle and saying, “That’ll show the bums at Fox News that I mean business. And then to drive the lesson home, I’ll team up with the one nation that’s always had our best interests at heart -- Russia!”

But not even Chamberlain would have thought of announcing that so long as an enemy -- not that we have any in the age of Obama -- only uses chemical or biological weapons to attack us or one of our allies -- not that we have any in the age of Obama -- we vow not to use nuclear weapons in retaliation.

We’ve all heard of people who were so dumb they brought a knife to a gunfight. We have a commander-in-chief who’d bring a water pistol.

How in the world did we come to elect a knucklehead who only talks tough to England, Israel and the Tea Party crowd, and who thinks it’s a nifty idea to replace the Geneva Conventions with the Marquis of Queensberry rules?

Who, I’d like to know, would have ever guessed that we’d come to regard the Carter years as the good old days?

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Why It's Okay To Despise Leftists

by Burt Prelutsky

Nancy Pelosi received 204,996 votes in her last congressional election and another 233 votes to then garner the speakership. You would think someone would have to collect more than 205,229 votes to be as arrogant as the San Francisco Smirker. Pelosi, who hasn’t been able to blink in several years and should serve as fair warning against the dangers of plastic surgery, is just a couple of heart beats away from taking possession of the White House. That hardly seems fair when the present occupant had to con -- I mean convince -- 63 million Americans to elect him, whereas Mrs. Pelosi couldn’t even get elected mayor of Cleveland with her paltry 205,000 votes.

Whenever I see Pelosi’s super-sized luxury jet, I’m reminded of those bumper-stickers one occasionally sees around town that announce My Other Car is a Motorcycle or, on a ’94 Saturn, My Other Car is a Limousine. Her plane should have a large sticker on its tail that reads: My Other Plane is a Broomstick, and so, come to think of it, should she.

Speaking of the White House, some folks thought I was being needlessly cruel when I titled my recent book “Liberals: America’s Termites.” Maybe so, but I still think that Obama’s successor should fumigate the place just to be on the safe side.

On the other hand, I don’t think that people should be too hard on the First Lady just because she apparently has more ladies-in-waiting than Marie Antoinette, Catherine the Great and Leona Helmsley, put together. I know that a lot of folks felt she was carrying on like the queen bee of a banana republic, but not I. I understood that she was merely doing her part to help her hubby keep the nation’s unemployment rate below 10%.

In case you haven’t noticed, ever since Barack Obama moved into the Oval Office, he’s given one speech after another. Rumor has it that he’s already gone through a dozen Teleprompters. Moreover, the majority of his spiels seem to be devoted to his trying to clarify or, in some instances, absolutely deny and contradict what he stated in earlier addresses. The end result is that it all becomes something of a vicious circle, resembling a snake trying to swallow its own tail.

I mean, even if you’re a fan of his, you have to admit that the only thing longer than Obama’s health care bill were the endless lectures he devoted to the subject. Not too long ago, a woman asked him a question, and 17 minutes later, barely pausing to take a breath, he was still blathering on. The man obviously suffers from diarrhea of the vocal cords, but, unfortunately, that’s one more malady the health care bill doesn’t cover.

Still, in spite of the fact that His Haughtiness never shuts up for even five seconds at a time and is on TV more often than that fellow trying to sell us gold, he never tells me what I really want to know. For instance, am I the only person who’s curious about what ever happened to his mother-in-law? And where is Bo, the First Dog, these days? I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of either one in a very long time, and, as a taxpayer at least partially responsible for their well-being, I’d like to know whether either one is back in Chicago or waiting to be adopted at the local pound.

Finally, when John Edwards used to go on and on about the two Americas, he pretended to be speaking about the rich and the poor when, as I suspected all along, he was actually referring to those who would or wouldn’t have sex with him. On the other hand, he was correct in suggesting there existed a real division in our nation. As I see it, there are those who see a pile of horse poop and assume there must be a pony, and there are the rest of us who see the same steaming mess and assume that Barack Obama has just delivered another speech.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Monday, April 19, 2010

Waxman And Obama: Partners In Crime

by Burt Prelutsky

I know that some people are accusing Obama of being the anti-Christ, but inasmuch as I’m not a Christian, I wouldn’t want to venture an opinion. While it’s true I get a whiff of sulfur every time he opens his yap, I’m not sure it means anything. So far as I’m concerned, it’s enough that he’s an anti-Semite, an anti-capitalist and, judging by the speeches he’s delivered when traveling abroad, an anti-American.

I keep hearing those on the Left insist that the GOP is made up of nothing but rich old white people. I find that very odd because, while I try to keep track of these things, I haven’t heard even the faintest rumor that such rich old white people as Bill Gates, Nancy Pelosi, Ted Turner, Michael Moore, Larry Flynt, Al Gore, Warren Buffet, Norman Lear, George Soros, Jane Fonda, Warren Beatty, David Geffen, David Letterman, Michael Bloomberg, Dianne Feinstein, Charles Schumer, Ben Cohen, Jerry Greenfield, John and Teresa Kerry, Robert Byrd or Jay Rockefeller, had changed their political affiliation.

How stupid do people have to be in order to believe that when Henry Waxman orders the CEOs of John Deere, Caterpillar and AT&T, to come before him in order to be publicly humiliated, he will actually know any more about their businesses than he knew about steroids or baseball, for that matter, when he forced Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa, to testify a few years back?

Frankly, I just hope that Waxman never has me subpoenaed. Instead of concentrating on his insipid, self-serving questions, I’m sure I’d be focused on those nostrils and wondering, if he happened to suddenly inhale, if he could actually make dogs, cats and small sofas, vanish up his nose; and wondering, too, if he ever sneezed, whether Jimmy Hoffa, Judge Crater and parts of Atlantis would miraculously appear.

If Waxman ever decides to retire from Congress, he could rent out his shnoz as a tourist attraction and quickly put Carlsbad Caverns out of business.

Getting back to Barack Obama, I honestly don’t know why so many of my fellow Jews are shocked to discover that he is so blatantly pro-Arab and is willing, even anxious, to sell out Israel for far less than the usual 30 pieces of silver.

Perhaps they are shocked simply because he has surrounded himself with so many Jewish leftists, and was so deep into the pockets of George Soros and Andy Stern that along with hundreds of millions of dollars in campaign funds, he was also collecting lint.

Jewish liberals will apparently sacrifice anything, including Israel’s survival, for the sake of furthering their loony left-wing agenda.

So far as I’m concerned, it has always seemed obvious that Obama is a virulent anti-Semite. Before you attack me for attacking him, ask yourself one simple question: Can you imagine sitting in Rev. Wright’s church for 20 minutes, let alone 20 years, if you weren’t a Jew hater?

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Listen Up, Republicans!

by Burt Prelutsky

I am as irate as anyone at the way that Obama and Pelosi, like a pair of old-time bootleggers, strong-armed members of Congress into voting for ObamaCare. But just because the Republicans fought back, I’m not as prepared as some to give them a pass.

Several years ago, when a current left-wing congressman was still serving in the California assembly, we were discussing the recently enacted Proposition 13, the so-called Jarvis amendment, which put a cap on property taxes. He was bemoaning the fact that it would permanently cut state revenues, while I argued that of all the taxes on the books, property taxes were the worst.

I pointed out that a lot of homes were bought by returning GIs and other newly-married couples shortly after the end of World War II. They were bought for seven or eight thousand dollars. But, 30 years later, when the mortgages were finally paid off, these same people were being charged more in annual property taxes than the house had cost in the first place. Except for maybe a paint job, a renovated kitchen and some aluminum siding, these were the same modest 1300 square-foot homes they had moved into, but now they could no longer afford to live in them.

I argued that if at some point during those three decades, the politicians had done the right thing, something as Draconian as Prop. 13 wouldn’t have been necessary.

In much the same way, I would say to GOP politicians, you had control of the House, the Senate and the Oval Office from 2001-2007, but you didn’t do a darn thing about health insurance. It’s only now that the liberals are gobbling up one-sixth of the economy that you’re suddenly all for tort reform and allowing insurance companies to compete across state borders. When you had the power, all that people like John McCain and the rest of you punks did was cozy up to people like Feingold and Kennedy, like a bunch of school girls hoping the liberals would ask you to the prom.

You didn’t even acknowledge that most people, excluding illegal aliens, can afford sensible health insurance, just as they can afford sensible insurance on their cars and their homes. If people had the same absurd expectations of their home and automobile insurance that they have of their health insurance, they wouldn’t be able to afford either. It would be as if we expected those policies to cover dust collecting on our drapes and dew collecting on our cars. The truth is, most of us can afford to pay for antibiotics when we get the flu and vaccinations when they’re required. It’s when catastrophe hits -- when you get cancer or require a quadruple bypass -- that you really need coverage. With higher deductibles across the board, insurance companies could pool their resources and handle the really dire situations.

But instead of behaving responsibly, you cheered Bush on when he signed a blank check to cover pharmaceuticals. You patted him on the back and took a few bows yourself, as if you or he were personally picking up the tab for granny’s meds.

Finally, why weren’t you demanding during the endless health care debate that the Democrats identify the 31 million uninsured people that Obama and Pelosi kept yakking about? It’s my hunch that they’re young people who prefer spending their discretionary income on clothes, CDs and cocaine, and illegal aliens who have no business being here in the first place.

I’m not suggesting that I don’t despise Obama, Pelosi, Waxman and the other left-wing gnomes, but just letting you know that there’s more than enough well-deserved contempt to go around. So don’t assume that simply because you call yourself a Republican and make nice with the Tea Party crowd that we trust you any farther than we can throw Barney Frank.

If you’re going to run in 2010, I, for one, want you to sign a written pledge regarding where you stand and how you’ll vote on everything from Iran to the 2nd amendment, and I’d like it notarized.

Frankly, if I had to choose between, say, an Arizona Democrat or a fellow like John McCain, who’s in favor of shutting down Gitmo, opposes water-boarding Islamic terrorists, opposes drilling for oil in ANWR, and, until he fell back in the polls, pushed amnesty for illegal aliens, I’d have to say, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Palin, but I’d rather stay home and alphabetize my canned goods.”

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Obama And The Jews

by Burt Prelutsky

During the presidential campaign, a lot of people insisted that Obama was really a Muslim pretending to be a Christian. I wasn’t one of them. I did figure, though, that if my name was Barack Hussein Obama and I was going to run for president a mere seven years after 9/11, I wouldn’t admit I was a Muslim, either. On the other hand, I, personally, would have sooner trusted a Muslim who’d been attending a mosque in Dearborn for 20 years than a Christian who’d been attending a racist, anti-American church in Chicago for all that time.

Anybody, after all, can claim to be a Christian. The proof, in the words of that fabulous effing wordsmith, Joe Biden, is in the pudding, and when I learned that among Obama’s friends and mentors were such notorious anti-Semites as Rev. Wright, Louis Farrakhan, Rashid Khalidi and Father Pfleger, it certainly kick-started my suspicions about his religious convictions. Still, as I saw it, when in Chicago, you do as Chicagoans do. And, that being the case, I figured that in such swampland, even if a saint were to wade into Chicago politics, he would eventually be knee-deep in snakes and alligators named Tony Rezko, Richard Daley and Bill Ayers.

However, once Obama was elected president and immediately jetted off to Egypt and Turkey to announce his kinship with the followers of Islam, all the while bad-mouthing America, I confess I began to feel a tad queasy. It didn’t help that the self-anointed one seemed to think that he could make Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, heel solely by his mere presence. Heck, judging by his lack of success in such matters, I’m willing to wager that even after all these months he hasn’t managed to housebreak Bo. Speaking of which, I hate to think what the carpet in the Lincoln Bedroom looks like these days.

Like most Americans, I believe in giving a guy the benefit of the doubt, but once Mr. Doubt grabs his hat and scoots out the door, leaving me holding the check, I really hate feeling like a sucker. The fact that so many other Americans feel the same way is reflected in Obama’s free fall in the polls.

His recent rhetoric concerning Jerusalem and his subsequent boorish behavior towards Prime Minister Netanyahu convinces me that in his heart, at least, Obama is an Islamic. The anger and contempt that he has voiced, and that Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton have voiced on his behalf, over Jerusalem’s zoning policy is outrageous and contemptible.

The Jews announce they plan to build 1200 housing units in Jerusalem and our president goes positively apeshit, but Hamas fires thousands of rockets into Israel and he doesn’t say a word about it!

Clearly, it’s none of our business whether or not Israel builds homes. Obviously if they weren’t needed, they wouldn’t be built. But there are other equally basic truths to consider. For one thing, Jerusalem is Israel’s capital. How would we feel if a foreign country told us whether or not we could erect buildings in Washington, D.C.? For another thing, it is Judaism’s holiest city and always has been. Three, it plays no part in Islamic history. Muhammad never even set foot in the place, meaning that it is one of the few locales in that part of the world where he and his ancient cronies never beheaded anyone. Four, the only reason that Muslims now lay claim to it is in order to make trouble, which, as you may have noticed, is pretty much the only thing they’ve managed to produce over the past thousand years.

This brings us to what countless American presidents and secretaries of state have persisted in calling a peace process. And who would have ever guessed that all of those rather sober-sided ladies and gentlemen possessed such a marvelous sense of whimsy? There is, as all rational people realize, no such thing as a peace process in the Middle East. There are merely two opposing sides. On one side are those dedicated to wiping Israel off the map, which in fact they’ve already done on their own maps, and who also just happen to be America’s sworn enemies. On the other side is Israel, a western-style democracy that is home to over a million Arabs, a nation that foolishly keeps trying to bribe the opposition by handing over its legal property, only to discover that its enemies are not bought off as easily as Democratic congressmen.

Speaking of American politicians, I’m aware that a lot of people assumed that Obama would be a strong ally of Israel’s because he had people like Rahm Emanuel and David Axelrod in his inner-circle, and that the outer-circle was filled with such heavy-hitters as Charles Schumer, Barney Frank, Arlen Specter, Henry Waxman, Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Brad Sherman, Al Franken, Bernie Sanders and more than 30 other Jewish congressmen and senators. But there really is no excuse for such gullibility in 2010. Anyone who doesn’t understand that these days, Jewish politicians are liberals first, last and always, and have greater allegiance to Barack Obama and Karl Marx than to Thomas Jefferson and Moses, just hasn’t been paying attention.

I have no way of knowing if they’ll ever find space for Obama on Mount Rushmore, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some day there’s an Obama Boulevard in downtown Tehran.

A while back I wrote a line that is truer and more pertinent now than when I first wrote it: I sincerely hope that when Obama goes in for his annual checkup, the doctors at Bethesda will do a brain scan. For surely there must be something terribly wrong with a man who seems to be far more concerned with a Jew building a house in Israel than with Muslims building a nuclear bomb in Iran.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

High Self-Esteem, Low Test Scores

by Burt Prelutsky

For some time now, people have been forwarding me an email that lists the ten most poverty-stricken cities in America. By this time, I imagine you’ve all committed the names to memory, along with the fact that these cities have been electing one Democratic mayor after another for at least the past quarter century. In one case -- Miami, I believe -- they’ve never elected anything else. The civic blights, in alphabetical order, are Buffalo, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Detroit, El Paso, Miami, Milwaukee, Newark, Philadelphia and St. Louis.

But, unlike those people who keep forwarding this message around, I don’t blame all those rotten, corrupt mayors, I blame the lazy louts who keep electing them.

In this country, after all, the only people who keep living generation after generation below the poverty line are the indolent and the ignorant. These are the folks who persist in relying on welfare and feeding on a diet of bitterness and entitlement. As for those who insist that nobody chooses to be ill-educated and unskilled, and that if only more money were spent on schools, we’d be churning out an endless supply of young Einsteins, Hawkings and Jeffersons, I say, phooey!

During the 1980s, more money was shoveled into the St. Louis school system than any other system in America, more than any other system in history. At the end of the decade, standardized school test scores had gone down. But that carries no weight with those liberals who believe the solution to every problem is to throw money, other people’s money, at it. They actually regard it as a good thing that America’s students, who inevitably score the lowest among kids in the industrialized nations when it comes to math, science and language skills, score highest when it comes to self-esteem. “Maybe we’re as dumb as a box of doorknobs,” they seem to be saying, “but we sure are cool. Just listen to our cool music and look at our cool tattoos.”

Those who shower the most praise on our public education system are those least likely to ever expose their own kids to it. I refer to the pinheads who hold public office. In fact, the only time a president or first lady ever wanders into a public school in Washington, D.C., is for an election year photo op, after having made certain that their Secret Service detail is operating at full strength that day. It’s not a school system, it’s a penal colony with report cards.

Whenever I come across a statistic that suggests it costs about $11,000 to keep a child in school for a year, I find myself thinking that, aside from the 535 members of the House and Senate, the biggest thieves in America are all members of the education swindle -- school teachers, administrators and union officials. They should all be kept after school and made to write on the blackboard a thousand times: I will never again say it’s all for the kids.

Believe me, I’m not bragging when I say I could teach the young sprouts geography, math and English, just as badly as the professionals do it, and I could do it for a lot less than $11,000-a-head.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Monday, April 5, 2010

Tangling With Progressives

by Burt Prelutsky

It seems that those on the political left change their labels nearly as often as ACORN changes its name. One day, they’re calling themselves communists and socialists, then it’s Democrats and next it’s liberals. They’re like professional grifters who move from one town to another just before the local cops close them down and toss them in the clink. They change their names and their con games, but one thing they don’t change is their spots.

I, personally, find it odd that some of these leftists, such as Hillary Clinton, have taken to calling themselves progressives. The reason I find it so peculiar is because back in 1948, Henry Wallace ran for president as the standard bearer for the Progressive Party, which everyone knew was what the Communist Party was calling itself at the time. In fact, it was only thanks to dumb luck that Comrade Wallace wasn’t running as the incumbent. After all, he had been FDR’s vice-president during Roosevelt’s third term. Fortunately, FDR was persuaded to dump Wallace and run with Truman in 1944. Otherwise, it’s safe to assume that the Soviet Union wouldn’t have had to rely on the likes of Julius Rosenberg, Morton Sobell and Alan May, to provide them with the plans for the A-Bomb.

But, by whatever name the leftist loons call themselves, a conservative could drive himself batty trying to figure out what passes for their thought process. For instance, James Cameron spent hundreds of millions of dollars to produce “Avatar,” a movie that required every last bit of advanced cinematic technology. The end result was a three-hour movie condemning modern technology.

At least, unlike Cameron, most of his fellow environs are consistent. They’re nuts, but they’re consistent. Alexander the Great allegedly wept because he had no new worlds to conquer; the environs would weep if they had no new worlds to destroy.

Unlike Alexander, who was honest enough to make it all about him, these fruitcakes pretend that they’re out to save the planet and every inconsequential critter that crawls or slithers across it, when, in fact, they are merely out to destroy America’s industry and ruin our economy. The next time one of these cretins is caught burning down a new car lot or sabotaging some part of the timber industry, instead of jail, they should be deported to some place like Bangladesh so that they could get a better idea of the utopia they’re seeking for all of us.

These are the same people who keep insisting that we adopt the health care system of England, Cuba or Canada. Just the other day, a Brit took me to task for demeaning the English system. He even went so far as to point out that America’s current health care costs are three times as much as theirs. I asked him if he thought that might have something to do with our having five times as many people. None of whom, by the way, have to wait a year or two to have a colonoscopy…even if they want to!

As for Cuba, according to Reuters, Castro’s paradise is running short on toilet paper. It’s no wonder that even Michael Moore, who doesn’t strike me as the most fastidious of men, doesn’t run off to Havana to have his oil checked.

Speaking of health care, who exactly are those 31 million uninsured people who will die in the streets unless ObamaCare is passed? So far as I can figure, there are two groups who make up the 31 million. The first group consists of young people who don’t wish to blow their money on something as unsexy as health insurance when they could be spending it on booze and recreational drugs, and the second group is made up of illegal aliens. So it is for their sake, Obama wants to destroy the world’s finest health care system and gobble up one-sixth of the nation’s economy. Welcome to his world.

Furthermore, while I have my own bone to pick with insurance companies, why should they be required to insure people who have what the feds are calling pre-existing conditions? On the face of it, that sounds like a condition that existed before it existed, and reminds me of a pre-heated oven. But if what they mean by the term is that someone waits until he has AIDS or leukemia before he goes looking for health insurance, how is that any different from waiting until your house burns down before shopping for fire insurance?

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Friday, April 2, 2010

A Post-Mortem Of Obamacare

by Burt Prelutsky

I know that for some people, March 21, 2010, will take its rightful place alongside such infamous days as December 7, 1941, and September 11, 2001. But at least on those earlier occasions, America was attacked by outsiders. This time around, those out to destroy our republic were Fifth Columnists named Pelosi, Stupak, Slaughter, Waxman, and 216 of their fellow termites.

Frankly, it was hard to decide which was more obscene -- the actual vote, bought and bullied for by the left-wing leadership -- or Speaker Pelosi’s crowing about its passage. In fact, when I saw the beaming faces of Obama, Biden and their various partners in crime, I realized I hadn’t seen national leaders this gleeful since Hitler did a little victory dance step at the railroad station in France.

Half a century ago, Khrushchev and Nixon had what was dubbed the kitchen debate. Nixon predicted that the Russians would become capitalists, while Khrushchev insisted that socialism would bury us. Who would ever have guessed that they would both be right?

I know that Obama doesn’t want us to see his birth certificate, his college application or his medical records, but could we at least be granted a peek at his math scores? I mean, I was willing to give him a pass when, during the campaign, he referred to America’s 57 states. In the heat of battle, anyone might confuse the number of states in the Union with the number of varieties the Heinz Company used to promote. But when he announced that with ObamaCare, employers would be able to lower their health insurance costs by 3,000%, I began to have serious concerns. What if he was simply one of those people who couldn’t keep millions, billions and trillions, straight? Might that not help to explain most, if not all, of his economic policies?

Even a school child, even a public school child, should know that you can increase a sum by 3,000% or 300,000%, for that matter, but you can only decrease an amount by 100%.

I venture that upon hearing that gaffe, an audience filled with conservatives would have sat in stunned silence for a moment, and then turned to a neighbor and asked, “Did he just say what I thought he said?” But the goony liberals in attendance swallowed it whole, and when Obama added that these hypothetical employers could then pass along those enormous savings in the form of increased wages, his fans went wild, just as Obama and I knew they would. The question I keep asking myself is which of us holds his disciples in greater contempt.

In spite of all the mean, though true, things I say about Obama, I can’t help feeling sorry for him. After all, his Kenyan father deserted him when he was just a baby. Then, because that had worked out so well, Obama’s ditzy mother then married a Muslim and moved to Indonesia. Eventually, Obama and his mother were deserted by his step-father, which led to Obama’s mother dumping 10 year old Obama on his white grandparents in Hawaii. It was there that young Barack took up basketball, marijuana and cocaine, while seeking out radicals, revolutionaries and Communists, as pals and mentors.

The truth is, with that kind of dysfunctional background, Barack Obama could easily have turned out to be a serial killer. Still, one can’t help thinking that if only he had, today he’d probably be in prison, instead of the Oval Office, and none of us would have to worry about what awful thing he’s going to do next.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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