Monday, May 31, 2010

Is Boxer Really Dumber Than Pelosi?

by Burt Prelutsky

In case you missed it, Speaker Pelosi recently urged Catholic priests to use their bully pulpits to promote immigration reform, which, translated into English, means an amnesty that would immediately entitle illegal aliens to vote for Democrats. Now, I’m not a Catholic, but it seems to me that someone who believes that abortions on demand are guaranteed under the Bill of Rights has a lot of gall telling priests what to say during their Sunday sermons.

When it comes to abortions, something that has confounded me for the longest time was why those in favor of it got to identify themselves as Pro-Choice. After all, the opposite of Pro-Life isn’t Pro-Choice, it’s Pro-Death.

When I was a youngster, a popular putdown was “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?” But when people like Michael Moore, Michael Bloomberg and George Soros, say so many really dumb things, it seems a more appropriate question would be, “If you’re so rich, why aren’t you smart?”

That brings us to Sen. Barbara Boxer. Recently, the L.A. Times, a newspaper so infatuated with the Left that they’d endorse Hugo Chavez if he moved here and ran for public office, announced they wouldn’t be backing Boxer in the primary because she lacked “intellectual firepower.” For those of us who have listened to her blather on for the past 18 years, that description smacked of English understatement.

Still, what does that say for all those other liberals who vote exactly the same way she does, and what does it say about the Times editorial staff that they have no problem endorsing any of them?

I wonder if, after she loses the election in November, Mrs. Boxer will continue to admonish Brig. General Michael Walsh if they run into each other and he refers to her as “ma’am.”

One can’t help thinking that the L.A. Times, which has been on life support for the past decade, is, at this late date, attempting to con all of its former conservative subscribers into thinking it’s seen the error of its knee-jerk liberal ways. Well, speaking for myself, it won’t work. Fool me 4,893 times, shame on you; fool me 4,894 times, shame on me.

The MSM has been dying for years and I, for one, can’t wait to attend the official wake. Something that will hasten that happy day is the shameful way in which the mass media has covered the Tea Party movement. If the media weren’t so myopic, they would have realized that by labeling its members as thugs, Nazis, rubes and racists, it was slitting its own throat. The members of the media actually chuckled when Obama, Pelosi and their various stooges, maintained that this authentic grass roots movement was really composed of Astroturf, bought and paid for by the Republican party.

The people who turned out for Tea Party events were regular, decent, patriotic Americans who had been content to go to work, raise their kids, pay their taxes, love their country and occasionally go to war to defend it. The one thing they weren’t prepared for was finding themselves, their friends and their neighbors, vilified for their virtues. But once they woke up to the fact that their gatherings were either ignored completely or, when covered, had the turnout reported as a fraction of their actual numbers, they began to see the members of the MSM for the liars, bigots and insufferable snobs they are. What’s more, when the Tea Partiers saw their president, who ran as the post-racial unifier, demean them to a fawning media, they could see for themselves that those of us who had been calling the MSM a gang of Fifth Columnists had been speaking the God’s honest truth.

The big surprise is that these days, Barbara Boxer agrees with us.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Thursday, May 27, 2010

May Day! May Day!

by Burt Prelutsky

Cinco de Mayo has come and gone for another year, but the stench of political correctness lingers on.

By this time, every liberal airhead from San Francisco’s Mayor Gavin Newsome to New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg has piled on Arizona’s Governor Brewer. And, although I may have misunderstood them, I’m pretty sure I heard President Obama and Attorney General Holder agree that a large fence should finally be built. Not at our southern border, however, but around Arizona.

On the other hand, it’s nice to know that there is at least one state that Obama is prepared to get tough with, even if it’s not Iran, Syria or North Korea.

As for those kids in Morgan Hill, California, who thought Cinco de Mayo was a good time to wear clothes decorated with Old Glory to school, I can only say they should have known better. These days, the only country we Americans are discouraged from honoring is our own. In today’s climate, the five kids were probably lucky they were merely sent home by the vice-principal and not horse-whipped during lunch.

In California, things have reached such a sorry state, that textbooks, no doubt taking their lead from Obama, pay tribute to Islam, but not Christianity or Judaism. Students are even told to come to school one day during the semester dressed as a Muslim. Suicide bombs, I believe, are optional.

One Latina student at Live Oak High School said it was disrespectful of Daniel Galli and his four friends to wear their flags on a day meant to honor Mexicans. She compared Cinco de Mayo to the 4th of July. This tells me something about the way that history is taught in Morgan Hill. July 4th, after all, celebrates the birth of the United States, and is a date that should be celebrated in every freedom-loving nation on the face of the earth. Cinco de Mayo, on the other hand, commemorates a day in 1862 when the Mexicans defeated the French at the Battle of Puebla.

Just for the record, it was about 40 years ago that I drove down to Tijuana in order to write a piece about the way the occasion was celebrated south of the border. The answer, I discovered, is that it wasn’t. When I asked Tijuanans if there was a parade or a festival on the schedule, they said “¿Que?” a lot, and gave me even funnier looks than I was accustomed to getting. In short, it is of such minor importance that even Mexicans don’t know about it.

Now, even though I think the Hispanic kids and the vice-principal at Live Oak High over-reacted, I must confess that I am all in favor of reminding people of any event in which the French are embarrassed.

Still, the fact that they actually fought a battle, even one that took place 148 years ago, is newsworthy in itself. How the event happened to take place at Puebla is open to conjecture. For my part, I can only assume that the French soldier in charge of carrying the white flag either overslept or dawdled over his morning espresso.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Monday, May 24, 2010

The War on Christianity

by Burt Prelutsky

When I read that Americans had responded to the earthquake in Haiti by donating over a billion dollars to relief efforts, I was amazed once again at the generosity of my fellow citizens. Even though they, themselves, are suffering through an economic meltdown, they once again opened their purses, their wallets and their hearts, in order to help out suffering strangers. Even though at least half of the donors were conservatives, those very folks that left-wingers deride as bigots, the recipients were black men, women and children.

Speaking of bigotry, I have no idea if I’ll be supporting Mitt Romney in 2012, but I do wish that everyone could get past his religion. Those people who have a different faith should understand that the tenets, symbols and traditions, of every religion appear odd, to say the least, to outsiders. In some cases, they can seem absolutely daffy. But this is America; we’re entitled to be odd or at least appear that way to others. But unless someone is an Islamic fundamentalist or a Satanist -- or do I repeat myself? -- one’s religion shouldn’t preclude a decent person’s being elected president.

That brings me to the current resident of the White House. I am still somewhat mystified as to how someone who climbed out of the sewer of Chicago politics by standing on the shoulders of Bill Ayers, Tony Rezko and Jeremiah Wright, ever made it to the Oval Office. Granted, Hillary Clinton was caught flat-footed and John McCain ran such a terrible race that if he’d been a racehorse, they would have had him undergo a urine test.

Still, in what parallel universe would a guy who boasted that the high point of his career was that he’d been a community organizer be elected the leader of the free world? After stating that the trouble with the U.S. Constitution and the Civil Rights movement was that they didn’t deal with the redistribution of the nation’s wealth, I wonder how is it that he got a thousand votes, let alone 62 million. He was also the chowder-head who, after saying that America was the greatest nation on earth, insisted that it was his mission to radically transform it!

Frankly, I think it was a classic case of Pygmalionism. Americans, thanks in great part to the most rancid media this side of China, were mesmerized by the mantra of Hope and Change. Voters were encouraged to think of politics in terms of a fairy tale, as if Obama was Prince Charming and that empty slogan was code for “And they all lived happily ever after.”

The more Obama talked, the more, it seemed, poor, ugly men were lulled into thinking they’d become rich and handsome, while homely women came away believing they’d become beautiful and be pursued by rich, handsome men.

Pygmalionism, as you probably guessed, is the state of being in love with an object of one’s own making. These days, it’s also known as Obamaism.

The confounding aspect of all this is how so many people who regard religion as a sham, and who have nothing but contempt for Christianity and Judaism, continue to believe that Obama is the messiah.

That brings us to Rev. Franklin Graham, who was first invited to address the Pentagon on the National Day of Prayer, and then was uninvited after a couple of Muslims complained.

I am not a Christian and I have never met Rev. Graham, but I was outraged after hearing about this. Since when does the intolerance of a few nullify the wishes of the many? This is not to suggest that a minority should be deprived of their say, but nowhere is it written that they are entitled to the final say.

From my vantage point, it appears that even after the Pentagon’s cowardly policy of political correctness led directly to the murders of 13 innocent Americans at Fort Hood, the military still hasn’t learned its lesson.

Under Bill Clinton, homosexuals in the service were advised not to tell and the brass was ordered not to ask.

Under Barack Obama, it seems that the policy is still in place, except now it’s being directed at Christians.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Secret to Longevity

by Burt Prelutsky

Several years ago, I noticed that nearly every symphony orchestra conductor seemed to have guzzled from the Fountain of Youth. Nearly without exception, they lived well into their 80s and 90s.

Lately, I found that the same held true for the men who direct movies. Such world-famous directors as George Cukor, Alfred Hitchcock, Charlie Chaplin, Howard Hawks, Robert Altman, Sam Fuller, Luis Bunuel, Richard Brooks, Sax Rohmer, David Butler, King Vidor, Henry Hathaway, Jean Renoir, David Lean, Michael Powell, Abe Polonsky, George Sidney, Akira Kurosawa and Laurence Olivier, all made it well into their 80s; and Mel Brooks, 84; Alain Resnais, 88; Bryan Forbes, 84; Stanley Donen, 86; and Carl Reiner, 88; are still with us.

Furthermore, Frank Capra and Elia Kazan each made it to 94, while Jules Dassin and Billy Wilder didn’t cash in their chips until they hit 96. Finally, Leni Riefenstahl, Hitler’s favorite director, unfortunately hung around to 101.

Another vocation that someone seeking longevity should consider is being a member of the House or Senate. Not all of them reach the century mark as Strom Thurmond did, but it’s such a great life that none of them who can still breathe and have even the slightest chance of winning their next election, ever give a thought to retiring. Robert Byrd, who’s 93 and hasn’t said a coherent thing since asking for ketchup with his fries in the Senate dining room in 1974, is just getting his second wind.

Finally, if I were, God forbid, a high school counselor urging youngsters to seek a career promising longevity, I would have them consider becoming some country’s dictator. While there are certain risks involved that can result in shorter life expectancies than normal, Hitler, 56, Mussolini, 62 and Tojo, 64, were clearly exceptions to the rule.

Idi Amin, in spite of an unhealthy diet that allegedly included human beings, made it to 78, Kim Il-Sung to 82 and Mao tse-tung to 83. In the meantime, Cuba’s Castro brothers, Fidel and Raul, along with Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe, are unfortunately still alive and kicking at 84, 79 and 86, respectively.

The moral of all this is that if you have your heart set on making it to old age, whether you choose to be a conductor, a director, a senator or a dictator, the most important thing is that you spend your life bossing other people around.

Which, come to think of it, might also help to explain why wives generally outlive their husbands.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Monday, May 17, 2010

Carving Up Jerusalem

by Burt Prelutsky

When I first heard Joe Biden going ballistic over Israel’s plans to build housing in Jerusalem, I thought I must be dreaming. But when Secretary of State Clinton voiced her own outrage, insisting that Israel’s making such an announcement while our vice president was in Israel, was an insult not only to Biden, but to the United States, I realized that not even in those dreams where I’m tall, good-looking and know how to play the piano, have I been so out of touch with reality.

After all, these were the same two people who have been so careful not to insult Iran or any of the other gangster states in Africa or the Middle East, lowering the boom on an ally for doing something as benign as building housing for its citizens. Which, it seems to me, isn’t quite as bad as developing a nuclear bomb while vowing to annihilate one of its neighbors.

It took New York’s Daniel Greenfield, who writes under the nom de blog of Sultan Knish, to bring some pertinent facts to light, for which I am in his debt.

In 1990, it seems that Sen. Biden co-sponsored Senate Concurrent Resolution 106, which resolved that Congress acknowledge that Jerusalem is and should remain the capital of Israel and remain an undivided city.

In 1992, Biden also co-sponsored Senate Consecutive Resolution 113, which resolved that Congress congratulates the people of Israel on the 25th anniversary of the reunification of that historic city; that Congress believes that Jerusalem must remain an undivided city; and called upon the President and the Secretary of State to issue an unequivocal statement in support of those principles.

In 1995, Biden co-sponsored, along with such colleagues as John McCain, Harry Reid, John Kerry, Joe Lieberman and Ted Kennedy, Senate 1322, stating that Jerusalem should remain an undivided city and should be recognized as the capital of Israel.

As late as 2001, Joe Biden said, “Why is it that the one ally we have in that part of the world is the one that we feel we have the right to publicly chastise? We would not do that with any other friend. Such criticism emboldens those in the Middle East and around the world who still harbor as their sacred goal the elimination of Israel. It’s not for you to tell them, nor for me, what is in their best interest.”

What a shame that V.P. Biden never had the opportunity to meet and speak to Sen. Biden.

For her part, Hillary Clinton, in 2007, issued a statement claiming that she believed that “Israel’s right to exist safely as a Jewish state, with defensible borders and an undivided Jerusalem as its capital, secure from violence and terrorism, must never be questioned.”

What a shame that Secretary of State Clinton never had the opportunity to meet and speak to Sen. Clinton.

I suppose one could say that’s just Joe being Joe and Hillary being Hillary, just liberals trolling for Jewish votes and campaign contributions. Now that they’re no longer running for office, perhaps they no longer feel compelled to lie about their true feelings.

For his part, Barack Obama, in 2008, gave a campaign speech in which he said, “Jerusalem will remain the capital of Israel, and it must remain undivided.” Perhaps his teleprompter malfunctioned on that occasion, because the very next day, he explained that he actually was in favor of dividing Jerusalem, but he didn’t want barbed wire to be used to divide it.

If one is to draw any insights from all this, it might be that liberal senators only tell you the truth when they’re no longer running for office, and that Barack Obama, who seems to be okay with nukes in the hands of Muslims, draws a line in the sand when it comes to barbed wire.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Boy Who Cried "Racist!"

by Burt Prelutsky

By this time, I’m sure we’ve all seen those posters of George W. Bush captioned “Miss Me Yet?” I, personally, think things have gotten so bad in Obama’s America that I wouldn’t be surprised if we begin seeing those same posters springing up with Jimmy Carter’s picture.

When I read that Sen. Dianne Feinstein had said, “I’ve gotten over 90,000 emails and faxes on the health care bill and over 85,000 of them are against it. After all the debate we’ve had, I can’t believe so many people still don’t get it,” I recall wondering if Obama’s arrogance was a contagious disease for which there’s no known antidote.

That reminds me that William F. Buckley, Jr., once observed that, “Liberals claim they want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views.”

He was also the conservative sage who once told a left-winger, “I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting you really believe what you just said.” Does a single day go by when most of us haven’t wished to say those very words to Robert Gibbs?

One of the sneakiest, most despicable things that left-wingers do is play racial politics, and when you call them on it, they get to brand you as racists.

For instance, affirmative action was created in order to give racial preferences to blacks in order to make amends for slavery and Jim Crow laws. But after nearly 50 years, try to suggest it’s time to put racial quotas aside, and you will find yourself tarred as a racist.

For the past 30 years, Islamics around the world have targeted Americans, but suggest that they constitute a toxic menace and you’re labeled a racist.

For the past quarter century, millions of Mexicans, who were not escaping political oppression, have felt entitled to stream across our border, to take advantage of our schools and hospitals, to fill our streets with drugs and flood our jails with criminals, and if we even complain about it, we’re called racists.

The unfortunate thing is that just as the Communists perverted the meaning of “comrade” and homosexuals perverted the meaning of “gay,” the self-righteous leftists have perverted “racist.” It no longer means a person who is racially intolerant, who would harm or subjugate another human being because of his skin color, but, instead, denotes someone who really is color-blind and who judges people solely on the basis of their character.

Today, the reality is that someone who attacks other people -- for instance, members of the Tea Party -- as racists, is, more likely than not, a racist, himself, who refuses to look beyond pigmentation.

Finally, I’ve been mulling over the “South Park” brouhaha. In case you somehow missed hearing about it, “South Park,” a dopey little TV series that hypes itself as being cutting edge satire, aired an episode in which Mohammad was first pictured as a stick figure and then as a teddy bear. That, predictably, set off fireworks in the Muslim world, where cartoons are reason enough to set off a killing spree, as are the mishandling of the Koran, tracking mud into a mosque and hiding the TV remote.

Suicide bombings, on the other hand, trouble them not at all. In fact, blow up a school bus, a pizza parlor or an American skyscraper, and you automatically get dibs on the prettiest girls in Paradise.

But just maybe we non-Muslims have been barking up the wrong tree. Maybe those crazies don’t object to every depiction of their prophet, they just get their shorts in a knot when they see him pictured as a teddy bear or, as in that Danish cartoon, as a bearded, wild-eyed, goofus wearing a turban shaped like a bomb. I suggest, as a test, we try making him look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. If they still go berserk and insist they’ve been insulted, I say we stick Mohammad in a dress, lipstick and high heels, and quit pussyfooting around.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Monday, May 10, 2010

Don't Cry For Me, Arizona

by Burt Prelutsky

When you’re a right-winger living in California, you tend to envy people who live elsewhere. For a long time, I’ve envied Texans. For one thing, judging by my email, most of my biggest fans seem to live in the Lone Star State. But, also, aside from an occasional cretin like Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, Texans seem to elect more than their share of stalwart conservatives.

Another state I came to admire was Oklahoma. That was after discovering that it was the only state in the Union in which Obama failed to carry a single county in 2008.

Now, of course, I’ve lost my heart to Arizona. At last, a state has sounded the alarm about illegal aliens. Sure it was a long time coming, but at least Gov. Jan Brewer and the Arizona legislature have finally stood up for the law of the land. Even John McCain, who has spent years sounding like an immigration lawyer, jumped aboard the bandwagon.

On the other side, we have virtually every hack politician with a Hispanic last name ready and eager to display his ignorance, bigotry and lack of patriotism. I mean, really, is there an uglier, more disgusting sight than a bunch of dunderheads complaining about racial profiling when their own actions and statements are based solely on race?

Arizona has been over-run by at least half a million illegals who have placed unbearable burdens on its schools, hospitals and emergency rooms. They have made Phoenix the kidnap capitol of North America and turned its countryside into an open sewer for drug smugglers. It took the cold-blooded murder of an elderly rancher before the good folks of Arizona said, enough is enough.

We keep hearing the same stale propaganda that these sneaks are the people who’ll do the jobs that gringos won’t. Well, I have a news flash: With unemployment hovering at 10%, if those jobs ever existed in the past, they don’t exist today. Besides, why should they get the jobs that could go to people waiting patiently for their names to be called in Ghana, Poland and Vietnam?

The only people who oppose Arizona’s new law -- a law based, by the way, on our own federal law -- are members of the Catholic Church hierarchy who are anxious to fill church pews; drug lords who want to maintain a steady flow of product, users and salesmen; President Calderon, who wants those American dollars to continue flowing south in order to keep the Mexican economy afloat; American politicians with names like Hernandez and Gomez, who want to increase their power base, and punks like Mayor Gavin Newsome who represent places as left and loony as San Francisco. We shouldn’t overlook the DNC, an organization so corrupt that Mafia dons attend their seminars in order to pick up tips from the likes of James Carville and Rahm Emanuel.

The fact is, when you see these people all agreeing about public policy, it’s safe to assume it’s going to take its toll on your heart, your head and your wallet. In much the same way, the savvy among us know it always makes sense to vote against any bond issue supported by unions.

In my opinion, it should be a criminal act for anyone to compare the new law in Arizona in any way, shape or form, to what took place in Nazi Germany. Hitler, in case it slipped your mind, was arresting, torturing and murdering, Germans for no other reason than that they were Jews, Catholics, gypsies, invalids and homosexuals. Members of the Gestapo weren’t simply asking to look at green cards and sending non-citizens back to Poland, France and Holland. They were sending them to Auschwitz.

Ironically, Article 67 of Mexico’s Immigration Law states: “Authorities, whether federal, state or municipal, are required to demand that foreigners prove their legal presence in the country.” In spite of which, President Calderon had the gall to compare our border fence to the Berlin Wall. Nobody bothered pointing out to the jackass that there’s a world of difference between building a barrier to keep illegal aliens out and erecting one to prevent one’s own citizens from escaping.

Frankly, I’m shocked that the millions of Hispanics who were born here or who came here legally aren’t raising a stink about those who are sneaking in. After all, it’s also their tax dollars that are being squandered supporting the illegals and their own jobs that are being lost and their own wages that are being under-cut.

And how odd is it that leftists, who seem to prefer everything European to anything American never mention that tourists on the Continent are required to show their passports on a regular basis. So, apparently, it’s only the United States that’s not supposed to protect its borders from uninvited freeloaders.

Anyone who has the audacity to suggest that Americans are bigots because we tend to be slightly more suspicious of 25-year-old Saudis boarding airplanes and 25-year-old Mexicans loitering around Home Depots is either a hermit who has spent the past few decades living in a cave or a politician pandering for cheap votes.

Believe me, when Swedes start blowing up our buildings and 12 million Aussies try sneaking across our border, we’ll be equally suspicious of tall blonds and guys who call us “mates” and keep asking us to toss another shrimp on the “barbie.”

©2010 Burt Prelutsky Write to:   

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Oxymorons And Non-Oxy Morons

by Burt Prelutsky

Liberals like to use “military intelligence” and “compassionate conservatives” as prime examples of oxymorons, but I think better ones are “civil servants” and “tolerant liberals.”

If there’s one form of animal life that irritates me even more than gophers, rattlesnakes and run-of-the-mill socialists like Henry Waxman and Barney Frank, it’s so-called Republicans like John McCain and Lindsey Graham who are convinced that the more they reach across the aisle and the less partisan they are in their politics, the more statesmanlike they’ll appear. In much the same way that a conservative used to be described as a liberal who’d just been mugged, my working definition of a statesman is a politician who’s just lost an election. And in the case of McCain and Graham, I say the sooner, the better.

In a related matter, I recently underwent a transformation of my own. Because I had turned 70 this past January, I felt I was finally and officially an old guy, and I was okay with it. But then Obama and Pelosi got their health care bill passed. The bill, among other things, guaranteed that people would remain covered by their parents’ medical insurance policies up to the age of 26. Well, I decided if 25-year-olds are still children, I’m still middle-aged!

Here in California, we’re being inundated with public service announcements urging us to comply with the census takers. We’re told that if our noses aren’t counted, California could lose seats in Congress. As a conservative, I naturally found myself wondering why that would be such a bad thing. After all, of our 53 current members of the House, 34 are Democrats and four of them are Pelosi, Waxman, Brad Sherman and Maxine Waters. Therefore, I think it would be a great thing if conservatives in places like New York, Massachusetts and Illinois, turned off all their lights and ignored the doorbell when those busybodies come calling.

One of the worst things about taxes is how sneaky they are. Sometimes they even use aliases, calling themselves fees, for instance. For another, spendthrift legislators are always blaming convenient scapegoats when they cause taxes to skyrocket. For instance, when the price of gasoline goes up, you inevitably hear a chorus of politicians blaming Big Oil, although I guarantee you that the feds and the states make a lot more money off a gallon of gas than Shell or Standard does.

We actually let the tax collectors get away with murder. Imagine how loudly we’d all be screaming on April 15th if Uncle Sam hadn’t been withholding money from our paychecks or making some of us pay quarterly taxes all through the prior year! Just picture having to sit down and write a check for the full amount. There would be such an uprising, it would make the Tea Party crowd look like a bunch of shut-ins.

If I had to choose either politicians or members of the MSM for extinction, I’d be like a kid in a candy store, darn hard-pressed to make a decision. As Mark Twain observed: “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you do read it, you’re misinformed.”

Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask: Is there more than one fathead working at Fox named Juan Williams? I swear, every time I tune in, there he is, speaking in those well-modulated tones and saying the most asinine things. He is so far into the tank for the administration, I have to assume he is auditioning to replace Robert Gibbs if the press secretary ever chokes on one of his lies and is rushed to the hospital to have it surgically removed.

Some newswoman suggested that referring to the President and basketball in the same sentence was racist. I, on the other hand, think that referring to Obama and basketball in the same sentence is hogwash. I mean, I have seen the way this guy throws a baseball and swings a golf club. He gives nerds a bad name. Furthermore, nobody who is any good at basketball could be such an absolute klutz at every other form of physical activity. He even admitted to bowling a 39! Believe me, I’m not much of a bowler, but if someone would guide me to the foul line, I could do better than that blindfolded. And I can just imagine one of those stooges we always see pictured on the court with Obama trying to body check him on his way to the basket, and waking up to find himself on the hardwood, buried under half a dozen Secret Service agents.

Politics aside, we understand that blacks love Obama because he looks like them, and a certain number of goony whites love him because he doesn’t. The rest of us despise him because of his policies and his general antipathy to American values, traditions and history. If that makes us racists according to the New York Times, MSNBC and the Huffington Post, so be it. I only ask that they then explain their blatant contempt for Clarence Thomas, Condoleezza Rice and black members of the Tea Party movement.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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Monday, May 3, 2010

Politics, 2010

by Burt Prelutsky

The danger of the Tea Party movement, a movement I very much applaud, is that they will insist on litmus tests for GOP candidates, while ignoring geography and constituencies. The problem is that if you insist on comparing every Republican to, say, a Paul Ryan or a Michele Bachmann, and withholding your support if they don’t quite measure up, you make it easier for Democrats to be elected.

This year, we need to win an additional 41 seats in order to wrench the speakership away from Mrs. Pelosi, otherwise known as the Wicked Witch of the West, and if some of those 41 aren’t exactly clones of Ronald Reagan, I’m here to remind you that if you had tested the Gipper for conservative purity, even he would have failed!

As the governor of California, Reagan twice raised taxes, cut funding for mental hospitals -- which led to California streets and parks being inundated with more and even crazier people than usual -- and, for good measure, signed the most liberal abortion bill in America. Then, as president, he signed the amnesty bill that opened the floodgates a quarter of a century ago through which have poured millions of illegal aliens.

Whenever I mention that I’m not religious, but that I respect those who are, just so long as they’re not Muslims who’d like me dead, I hear from a number of Christians who want me to see the light and by a smaller number of atheists who wish I’d share their hatred of religion and those who practice it. Between the two, I happen to prefer those hoping to save my eternal soul.

Although I prefer not being sent Biblical verses, I find it rather touching that these strangers want me to share the peace they’ve found in Jesus. They are certainly easier to deal with than atheists, who are typically arrogant and far less tolerant. In fact, the one thing that both groups have in common is the firm conviction that they’re right. The main difference is that one group believes in God, while atheists believe in nothing except their own intellectual superiority. From my vantage point, I find it far easier to believe in the existence of God.

On those occasions when I’ve devoted an article to demeaning Barack Obama and his atrocious policies, I know that a few readers will feel compelled to remind me that I should always respect the office of the president, no matter how I feel about the current resident. On the chance that they may be speaking for many of you, I’ll state here and now that I very much respect the office. I especially respect the big desk and that beautiful carpet.

Finally, I want to confess that I got very excited when I first heard that we were firing drones at the Taliban. I recall thinking it was high time that we put those expensive things to good use. But then I found out they were talking about unmanned aircraft and not liberal congressmen.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky

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