Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Disconnected Left

by Burt Prelutsky

Aquestion that I have not yet been able to answer is whether liberals are even aware of their double standard. For instance, when they complain about America’s occasional alliances with despots, does it ever trouble them when some of their own embrace -- sometimes literally -- a dictator?

For instance, over the past decade, we’ve had Sean Penn defending Saddam Hussein; Oliver Stone, Alan and Marilyn Bergman, Michael Moore and several members of the Black Congressional Caucus, singing the praises of Fidel Castro; and Danny Glover and Harry Belafonte all but dancing cheek to jowl with Hugo Chavez.

At least when America makes these unholy alliances, it’s generally for a very good reason. We hooked up with the Soviet Union because it was in our mutual interest to defeat Nazi Germany. We supported the Shah of Iran because he kept his well-shod shoe on the necks of jihadists. At least he did until the holier-than-thou/dumb-as-a-doornail Jimmy Carter sold him out, thus unleashing three decades of Islamic terrorism on the world. On the other hand, it brought Carter untold millions in Arab petrodollars to fund his library.

America has also shackled itself to any number of Middle East tyrants for no better reason than our refusal to drill for our own oil.

But what possible reason do these notable loons have for aligning themselves with some of the most brutal regimes in the world, and why are their colleagues on the left so reluctant to call them on it?

Another problem I have with these screwballs is their constant harping about Big Business, Big Oil, Big Agriculture and Big Pharmaceuticals. When it comes to condemning big things, they exhibit a very narrow-minded attitude. When it’s a business that provides us all with food, fuel, transportation or medications, they want the feds to demolish it and send all of the various executives to gulags. However, when it comes to Big Government -- so long as leftists control it -- the bigger the better. And when have we heard Obama or anyone else on the left utter a harsh word about Big Unions?

Something else that galls me is the way that politicians have come to regard “I misspoke” as the verbal equivalent of a Get Out of Jail Free card. I’m not referring to Obama’s reference to our 57 states or Mike Huckabee’s saying “Kenya” when he meant “Indonesia.” I’m referring to those occasions when a politician makes a profanity-laced rant, and when called on it, insists he merely misspoke.

I recall the first time I became aware of this technique. It came during the 2008 primary campaign when Obama claimed his father had served in the military during WWII. He claimed it was an honest mistake and he had merely misspoken when it came out that it was his maternal grandfather who had served. Naturally, it was brushed under the rug by the same fawning media that dismissed his connection to Bill Ayers, ACORN and Reverend Wright. But, to be fair, which of us hasn’t at one time or another confused his father with his maternal grandfather or, for that matter, his mother with a trolley car?

Those leftists who infest the entertainment industry present us with yet another example of the double standard. Even if we overlook the fact that they drive around in gas-guzzling Hummers and limousines, travel in private jets, and reside in homes the size of palaces -- thus consuming more energy in a week than most folks consume in a year -- there is the matter of the product they churn out. Although they all profess to be greenies, constantly swearing their devotion to the environment at gala events, they never give a second thought to the filth with which they pollute the very air that we and our children breathe. I guess they’re simply too busy with far more important matters, such as separating their paper and plastic.

I suppose the truth is, if they didn’t have double standards, left-wingers wouldn’t have any standards at all.

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Monday, March 28, 2011

Liberals Always Lie

by Burt Prelutsky
The motto of liberalism should be, “Do as we say, not as we do.” There are a myriad of examples to bear this out. The question that comes to mind is why there isn’t a reward for bringing in their pelts.

For instance, in spite of their insistent demand that taxes be raised -- especially on the rich -- people like George Soros, the Kerrys, the Kennedys and Senators Jay Rockefeller and Dianne Feinstein, all receive the bulk of their wealth through low-taxed family trusts and offshore accounts.

As I have pointed out in the past, there’s no law on the books preventing them or any of their left-wing cronies from donating all they like to Uncle Sam’s coffers. I’m sure he’d appreciate it, and I know the rest of us would enjoy a respite from their self-righteous rants.

Another example of blatant hypocrisy on the left is Arianna Huffington’s refusal to pay the contributors to the Huffington Post. While it’s true that I wouldn’t pay a dime for the knee-jerk propaganda that fills her blog on a daily basis, it’s also true that I didn’t recently sell the site to AOL for $315 million!

Then there’s Michael Moore, whose brain is even sloppier and a bigger mess than his person. He was all over the tube, delivering pep talks to the union thugs in Madison, Wisconsin, giving Governor Scott Walker hell for having the audacity to keep his campaign promises, and voicing his undying devotion to the cause of organized labor everywhere. Or nearly everywhere. It seems he’s chosen to use non-union crews on some of his movies for no other reason than to save himself a few bucks. And this bozo claims to hate capitalism?! Right, he and George Soros hate it like crazy, all the way to the bank.

One of the most repulsive characteristics of those who inhabit the left is their lack of a moral compass. It explains why überlib Steven Spielberg saw no difference between the Arabs who massacred the Israeli Olympians at Munich and those who pursued and executed the assassins.

It also explains why they look at the Middle East conflict, and manage to equate the unrelenting missile attacks on Israel, not to mention the cold-blooded murders of Jewish women and children, by its enemies with Israel’s eventual retaliation. Which, in turn, is inevitably described as a brutal over-reaction by the leftist members of the world press.

Those on the left equate the acts of individual madmen like Timothy McVeigh and Jared Loughner with Islamic terrorism, and by trying to connect such ogres to Christianity or the Tea Party, they pretend that America and the world have as much to fear from adherents of Jesus Christ and Michele Bachman as they do from jihadists.

We saw a smaller, but equally telling, example of this in the recent video of the large Australian schoolboy being attacked by the smaller bully. After absorbing three or four punches to his face and body, the larger boy picked up the nasty little creep and body-slammed him to the ground. All over the world, conservatives cheered as they watched the innocent victim turn on his tormentor.

Among those not cheering were the school administrators, who, in their infinite ignorance, decided to suspend both boys. I have no doubt that Australian educators, like our own, tend to be liberals. And, being liberals, I suspect they wouldn’t have been able to choose sides between the Luftwaffe and the RAF.

These are the elitists who see fit to lecture conservatives. In simple terms, I’ve found that when you’re right, you’re right, and when you’re left, you’re wrong.

It was no mistake that when it came to symbols, the elephant, the animal that best exemplifies intelligence and strength without viciousness, would represent Republicans, while Democrats, for all the obvious reasons, would be represented by the braying jackass.

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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Keeping Santa’s List

by Burt Prelutsky

We’ve all known kids who only try to straighten out their behavior when they begin to sense that Christmas is right around the corner. It often strikes me that politicians are the same way, only in their case it’s elections that start them thinking in terms of being naughty or nice. But some of us, like Santa’s little helpers, are always keeping a list and checking it twice.

For instance, when Wisconsin’s Governor Walker and 18 out of 19 Republicans finally did the right thing, in spite of the presence of thousands of union goons and the absence of 14 Democrats, most sane Americans celebrated the occasion. But for Democrats such as Hawaii’s Senator Inouye, it was a cause for concern. He actually complained that Republicans were basing their demands for budgetary cuts on their campaign promises. What’s more, Rep. Pelosi said that it was immoral to cut spending. And I’m sure they weren’t the only politicians who were shocked and genuinely upset that Republicans such as Walker and the Tea Partiers in the House, who had run and won elections by vowing to stand up to the public sector unions and restore fiscal responsibility to America, meant to keep their word.

One can easily understand liberals’ outrage. After all, our president, theoretically, at least, the symbolic head of our nation, has kept precious few of his campaign promises. So where do all these right-wing governors and congressmen get off trying to make him look like a run-of-the-mill political hack?

But lest anyone get the idea that I disapprove of everything Barack Obama says and does, it only took about 27 months, but he and I finally saw eye to eye on an issue. But, then, predictably, he double-crossed me. Just as I was prepared to agree with one of his decisions -- namely, to keep our nose out of Libya -- he decided to go macho on me.

In spite of all the talking heads on TV urging U.S. intervention, I would not have involved our military in Libya. For one thing, I see no reason why the Arab League, which gave the no-fly zone notion a big thumbs-up, doesn’t take on that job. They have pilots and jets. Why is it that America and the European nations always have to do their dirty work?

I, for one, am sick and tired of America rushing off to spill our blood and waste China’s money in order to protect Muslims from other Muslims. Over the past two decades, our military has been involved in Somalia, Kosovo, Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan and now Libya. Enough is enough. The truth is, all it ever gets us is the ongoing hatred and resentment of Arabs and Muslims.

Unlike most people, I have not been sitting on the sidelines rooting for the rebellion forces in the Middle East. I do not confuse enemies of my enemies with friends. I have no reason to think that when the smoke clears, we are going to see a lot of George Washingtons and Thomas Jeffersons running any of those moral swamplands. It is far likelier that Al Qaeda, Hamas, the Muslim Brotherhood and Hezbollah, will fill any and all power vacuums in that part of the world, with the mullahs in Tehran pulling their collective strings.

❝It only took 27 months, but finally Obama and I see eye to eye on an issue.❞

I thought the most-telling event during the recent uprisings took place in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, when the mob raped CBS news reporter Lara Logan, having decided, incorrectly as it happens, that she was Jewish. Predictably, hundreds of Egypt’s peaceful demonstrators cheered on the rapists. That told me all I really needed to know about the “freedom fighters” who were revolting against Hosni Mubarak. “Revolting” was certainly the operative word.

Keep in mind it was because of TV coverage that George H.W. Bush decided it was our duty to invade Somalia. But it took only a couple of weeks before the newly-elected Bill Clinton understood the political ramifications of having TV showing American soldiers killing black men, even if the miserable thugs were the African version of the Crips and Bloods. And, so, the greatest military power on earth retreated in the face of a bunch of punks and gangsters.

I am not suggesting that the U.S. military should never venture out beyond our borders, but we should have a better reason for doing so than because CNN is showing us one bunch of anti-American creeps killing another bunch of anti-American creeps.

In short, we should not be letting the 6 o’clock news determine our foreign policy. For those not old enough to remember, we already let Walter Cronkite do it once, and it not only cost us a victory in Vietnam, it cost millions of Vietnamese and Cambodians their lives.

And if that’s not bad enough, it also propelled John Kerry into the U.S. Senate and helped convince Hollywood pinheads that Jane Fonda deserved to win a couple of Oscars.

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Diagnosing the Left

by Burt Prelutsky

Sometimes I feel like I’m a research scientist. But instead of pursuing a cure for a dread disease, I keep trying to figure out liberalism. On second thought, it is something of a dread disease. What makes it unique is that it’s only those suffering from it who are unaware that they have it.

But, say we have two brothers raised in the same household. What I want to know is why it is that one will grow up to be honest, decent and intelligent, while the other sibling, who has shared all the same advantages, will turn out to be a Democrat.

That got me to thinking that perhaps we’re all subjects in a great cosmic experiment, and while those of us in Group A were given placebos, those in Group B were given the revolutionary new drugs, which not only caused the usual side effects, such as nausea, impotence and diarrhea, they also deprived the human guinea pigs of their ability to process information, distinguish between good and evil or to ever allow logic to trump their emotions.

As a result, liberals love not wisely, but too well. Like female adolescents, they fixate on the object of their infatuation, and are incapable of recognizing a single flaw in the one they idolize. But instead of the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber, liberals go all dreamy when they gaze on Barack Obama.

When George Bush didn’t shut down Gitmo, they called him a fascist. When Obama, after vowing countless times to close it, leaves it open, liberals think it’s cute.
When Bush waged war in Iraq, the Left compared him to Hitler.
The same folks who were certain that the Patriot Act was treasonous under Bush see how essential it is under Obama.

When Bush mispronounced “nuclear” or Palin claimed she could see Russia on a clear day from her front porch, liberals carried on as if he had nuked London and she had broken wind on “The View,” but when Obama refers to 57 states, trashes America’s history and kowtows to Muslims, the Left could just eat him up with a spoon.

When Bush suggested that it might be a good idea if people chose to take control of their own Social Security investments, liberals accused him of trying to destroy America’s senior citizens. However, when the President got Reid and Pelosi to use bribery and intimidation to coerce their colleagues into passing ObamaCare, which would leave the health care of seniors up to bureaucrats, the liberals broke out the balloons and party hats.

When Bush waged war in Iraq, the Left compared him to Hitler. However, when Obama wages war in Afghanistan, the Left gives him a pass, the L.A. Times doesn’t keep a running count of how many American soldiers die fighting Obama’s war and Garry Trudeau doesn’t devote “Doonesbury,” allegedly a comic strip, to listing the names of the dead.

Now, I acknowledge that this is all supposition on my part. I have no actual proof that liberals are the end result of a laboratory experiment that’s gone terribly wrong.

But on the chance I’m right, I pray that someone somewhere is working day and night to come up with the antidote.

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Monday, March 21, 2011

What’s So Darn Great About Islam?

by Burt Prelutsky

Between 9/12/2001 and January 2009, George Bush and Condoleezza Rice spent so much time telling us what a wonderful, peaceful religion Islam is, I kept expecting them to convert.

Then Barack Hussein Obama took up residence in the White House and we got more of the same hooey. If anything, he put their gushing in the shade. He was a regular Old Faithful. He not only thought it was a swell idea to build a mosque near Ground Zero, but he kept telling the world that Muslims had been instrumental in the creation of the United States, all but referring to the founding fathers as Ibn Madison and Mahmud Washington.

For good measure, when Major Nidal Malik Hasan, whose business cards carried the message “For a Good Time, Dial 1-800 Jihad,” murdered 13 Americans down at Fort Hood, Obama told us not to leap to the conclusion that the major’s religion had anything to do with the fact that he was hollering “Allah Akbar” during the massacre.

Next, I expected Obama to explain that Osama bin Laden was merely trying to break into show business.

We also have American cities spending secular tax dollars to build footbaths for Muslims. We have colleges turning a blind eye to Islamic students bullying Jewish students and intimidating guest speakers, especially if they’re Israeli diplomats; and we have the ACLU, those moral pygmies who have raised self-righteousness to an art form, defending Muslims on all fronts, while simultaneously attacking Christian symbols with a ferocity not witnessed since the Wicked Witch of the East declared war on Dorothy and her friends.

Why is it that so many people who condemn the corrupt legal system that existed under the Nazis are so reluctant to utter a harsh word about the backward and brutal nature of Sharia law?

For a time, I assumed it was sheer cowardice that prevented the members of the MSM from reporting on and condemning the Islamic slaughter of Christians and Jews that’s currently taking place around the world.

But, perhaps that’s not it at all. Maybe it’s something even more despicable. Perhaps the media has simply decided that the enemy of its enemies is its friend.

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Bully’s Pulpit

by Burt Prelutsky

O n college campuses all over America, the 1st amendment is trashed on a regular basis. Even when the courts weigh in, declaring that speech codes are unconstitutional, college administrators, professors and even students, find a way to curb free speech. At least free speech that expresses conservative sentiments.

At the same time, those very same groups either remain silent or encourage Muslims and left-wingers who regularly shout down conservatives and Israeli diplomats who have been invited to be guest speakers.

It’s been a long time since college campuses have lived up to their reputation as venues dedicated to the free expression of unpopular ideas. At this point, the main difference between a college campus and a totalitarian state is that the former doesn’t require the secret police in order to shut down dissent.

Things have gotten so bad that even certain words are now taboo, lest a member of any protected group -- be it racial, gender or religious-based -- be offended.

The truth is, idiocy is rampant in America.
I’m not exactly certain when we became a nation of crybabies, but I do recall that colleges began to suspend and even expel male students for unwarranted sexual advances, which could include asking a coed for a date, complimenting her appearance or even consensual sexual activity, if the next morning the coed sobered up and nursed not only a hangover, but remorse.

The whole notion that we are a nation of victims has expanded to include not only blacks, illegal aliens and homosexuals, but every idiot whose feelings are hurt if he’s called an idiot.

The truth is, idiocy is rampant in America. For instance, each and every time some crazy person shoots someone, those on the left begin parroting Michael Moore’s demand that the government confiscate firearms. Aside from the fact that the measure would be blatantly unconstitutional, it would be impossible to carry out; and were it possible, it would leave most of the remaining weapons in the hands of criminals.

Instead, why is it that they never suggest a way to deal with known crackpots like Major Nidal Malik Husan and Jared Loughner before they go on a killing spree? So far as I’m concerned, any member of the military who was aware of Major Husan’s jihadist beliefs and did nothing about it is as guilty as a combat soldier who goes AWOL. The oath that all those army officers took was to protect us from enemies, foreign and domestic. By placing political correctness above duty, by not blowing the whistle on Husan, they were all accessories to 13 murders, and I’d like to see the whole miserable crew serving time in the brig.

Speaking of killing, I fail to see why there is such a distinction between murder and attempted murder. I mean, why should a would-be killer profit from his own incompetence?

There are occasions when some of my readers suggest that I should be above referring to left-wingers as idiots, boneheads, knuckleheads and morons. They feel that my ad hominem attacks lower me to the level of my targets. While I appreciate their concern, I am always reminded of what Harry Truman said when he was accused of giving his political opponents hell. He said, “I just tell the truth, and they think it’s hell.”

Like Truman, I don’t call left-wingers names in order to hurt their feelings, but because I honestly regard the likes of Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Henry Waxman and the other members of Obama’s amen corner to be idiots, boneheads, knuckleheads and morons.

Quite frankly, I am getting sick and tired of my fellow conservatives who seem to feel that they should take on back-alley thugs while confining themselves to Marquis of Queensbury rules. I mean, either, like me, they seriously believe that those on the left are out to destroy America or they don’t. If they don’t, they’ve been lying to us. If they do, they shouldn’t be above kicking, kneeing and gouging, because all is fair and even necessary in war, if not necessarily in love.

Frankly, I personally find their insistence on maintaining a civil tone and setting an upstanding example to be as tedious and self-laudatory as a PBS fund-raiser.

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Monday, March 14, 2011

Trying to Make Sense of Liberals

by Burt Prelutsky

It’s probably no surprise that nearly all of my Jewish friends and relatives long ago washed their hands of me. They simply couldn’t fathom how I, who grew up as most of them did, in the home of Russian-Jewish immigrants, could have turned out to be a conservative. Some of them are still so angry about it that I’m convinced that they would reverse the circumcision if they could.

For my part, I find it equally mystifying that people who were lucky enough to have been born in America can be as ungrateful as they are. Whether it’s Spike Lee claiming we’re the most violent nation in the history of the world, Barack Obama insisting that there’s nothing exceptional about America or some Muslim tinhorn like Mahmud Ahmadinejad calling us the Great Satan, these ingrates are prepared to give them a heart-felt “Amen!”

For good measure, a good number of these twerps remain convinced that either the Islamics brought down the Twin Towers on 9/11 and, moreover, were justified in doing so, or that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney set the explosives in the dead of night and should be prosecuted for war crimes.

Speaking of our two most recent presidents, I can’t begin to tell you how much I resent both Bush and Obama telling us what a terrific religion Islam is. I notice that they never had much to say about Christianity or Judaism, but when it came to the faith of our sworn enemies, the praise was constant. The way I look at it, if the president wants to convince me of his sincerity, I want him first to convert and then come ring my doorbell just like the Jehovah’s Witnesses. What I don’t want is for him to use his bully pulpit to sell us a bill of goods.

Speaking of religion, a thought that occurred to me recently is, if God doesn’t believe in atheists, does it mean that atheists don’t exist?

Finally, just the other day I was trying to figure out what it would be like if I found myself in the brain of a liberal. I decided it must be a very dark and scary place with lots of pot-holes. I mean, when Bill Maher, for instance, gets all cranky and starts whining about the mean things that some people say about Obama, has he truly forgotten that liberals such as himself frequently compared George Bush to Hitler and wished for him to die a slow, painful death?

Or is it that people like Maher, Joy Behar and Chris Matthews, are so convinced that they are perched at the very top of the highest moral ground on earth that only crazy people could possibly disagree with their vision of the world?

Understand, I don’t expect those on the left to say nice things about those on the other side. Why should they? I don’t, although I sometimes wish I could so that I’d appear to be above the partisan fray. But how can I when I believe that leftists are out to destroy America, whether intentionally or simply through ignorance and pigheadedness?

Still, if I were a liberal, I’d hate to think I was one of those dummies who kept parroting the same stale bilge about Sarah Palin. I understand that folks on the left are convinced that they raise the intellectual curve of any room they enter, but how does anyone dare question Mrs. Palin’s intelligence without at least granting that people like Barbara Lee, Nancy Pelosi and Janet Napolitano, are about as sharp as a bag of marshmallows?

And who could possibly deny that if Barbara Boxer were any dumber, you’d have to sprinkle her with fertilizer, prune her limbs on a regular basis and water her twice a week?

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Saturday, March 12, 2011

Complaining About Conservatives

by Burt Prelutsky

Unfortunately, the best thing you can usually say about Republican politicians is that the Democrats are worse.

For instance, it’s easy to fault those on the left for ObamaCare, but why is it that those on the right side of the aisle never bothered making it possible to shop for health insurance in other states or cleared the way for a worker to take his health insurance to a new job? Instead, as usual, the Republicans merely reacted once Obama and his cronies cooked up their vile stew, consisting of rat tails, bat wings and eye of newt.

Republicans aren’t the Party of No, as the Democrats have snidely suggested; rather, they tend to usually be the Party of I Don’t Know. Aside from objecting to the nonsense concocted by those on the left, Republican politicians rarely have convictions or policies of their own. Which is why they got so little done between 2001 and 2007, when they controlled the House, the Senate and the Oval Office.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had a while ago with a Hollywood insider. I was complaining about how difficult it’s been to line up interview subjects for my next book. The problem isn’t simply that those I approach don’t agree to be interviewed. After all, these people are strangers and they don’t owe me a favor. The problem is that in spite of the fact that I provide an email address, a mailing address and a phone number, I so rarely receive a response.

Understand, I don’t assume that these people -- politicians, pundits, actors, talk show hosts -- have nothing better to do than humor me. But I do assume that simple courtesy dictates that they get back to me. After all, it’s not as if I’m asking to borrow money. And why else do they have armies of secretaries, assistants and assorted sycophants, on salary if not to deal with pests like me? Surely they can’t all be kept on tap merely for afternoon orgies.

Five senators have announced they won’t run for re-election in 2012. That’s my idea of a good start.

My friend, after hearing me out, pointed out that liberals, unlike conservatives, are far more likely to put their money where their mouth is. Whether it’s subsidizing newspapers and magazines that continue to bleed circulation, or producing movies that bash the U.S. military or trash traditional values, the left continues pushing its agenda when there’s little or no hope of turning a profit.

You could say that merely proves that those on the right are too savvy to waste their money on losing propositions, and that they prefer to rely on money-makers like Fox News, talk radio and blogs. Perhaps. Or maybe they’re simply not as committed to their alleged principles as those on the left.

At last count, five senators have announced they won’t run for re-election in 2012. That’s my idea of a good start. If I had my way, by 2016, 95 others would join them in the pasture. I’m not saying there aren’t some I despise more than others, but the House and the Senate are relatively small spaces and they both need to be well-ventilated on a regular basis, lest mildew sets in.

If I had my way, senators would serve one term, congressmen no more than two, and no one, including the president, would have more than three assistants, unless they paid for them out of their own pocket. These people wind up with more attendants than King Louis XVI, and it can’t help going to their head.

I can’t tell you how many times I came close to losing my lunch when I’d see a large group of butt-kissing staffers rushing to keep up with Speaker Pelosi as she scurried down House corridors.

Crazy people have occasionally asked me if I’d ever consider running for political office. When I’d stop cackling, I would assure them that I hadn’t yet taken total leave of my senses. The only job I’d even consider is as a short-term dictator. On my first day on the job, I’d bring back incandescent bulbs and do away with the departments of labor, education, agriculture and health & human services. On the second day, I’d pack up and go home, my mission accomplished.

Speaking of Washington, D.C., I’m convinced that the only reason that most federal employees aren’t let go, no matter which party is running things, is that nobody wants to be held responsible for burdening society with 100,000 terminally unemployable nincompoops.

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Loonies Are Running the Asylum

by Burt Prelutsky

Frankly, I have to confess that I was a bit surprised that Harry Reid managed to keep the Senate Democrats in line and unanimously vote not to repeal ObamaCare. I mean, when you realize that last year, he had to bribe and intimidate a number of those bozos to pass the legislation, I actually thought that between the Democrats who are bowing out in 2012 and those who will have to seek re-election with that multi-trillion dollar albatross hanging around their necks, a few liberal rodents might actually jump the sinking ship.

Their loyalty is so bizarre, so totally illogical, that I can only assume that Reid has photos of these oafs pitching woo with farm animals.

Obama has raised the national debt by about four trillion dollars in just two years

Speaking of trillions of dollars, Bob Marcks, in a letter to the Wall Street Journal, clarified the issue for people who are easily confused when numbers go beyond hundreds and thousands. One million seconds, he pointed out, is approximately 11.5 days. One billion seconds, on the other hand, is about 32 years, and one trillion seconds is more than 30,000 years!

Obama has raised the national debt by about four trillion dollars in just two years, and the Democrats think that’s fine and dandy. But they start screaming when the Republicans talk about cutting federal spending by, say, 500 billion dollars by 2020. But if you think of it not in dollars, but in years, it’s much easier to get a handle on the enormity of the numbers that promise to bury this country. Using this other measurement, as provided by Mr. Marcks, it would mean that while Obama added 120,000 years just since early 2009, the Democrats have a hissy fit when the GOP suggests reducing that total by a scant 15,000 years over the entire next decade.

On the Homeland Security front, we have Janet Napolitano telling us that our southern border is safer and more secure than it’s ever been. Not being one to question a lady’s veracity, I’m willing to believe it certainly looks a lot safer and more secure from her current vantage point, now that’s she’s no longer having to hang out in Arizona.

We also continue to hear the open border crowd insist that illegal aliens will do the work Americans won’t do. It makes you wonder who was picking all those crops before the border stopped being an actual location and turned into a cornucopia made to order for Democrats trolling for votes and employers on the lookout for cheap labor.

With an unemployment rate that is actually hovering around 16% when you factor in those who are no longer seeking jobs or who are underemployed, I suspect there are all kinds of jobs that Americans would do if they paid a fair wage and if illegals didn’t already have them.

On top of taking jobs away from American citizens, illegal aliens are also overwhelming our medical facilities, our schools, our culture and our jails. The fact is, no matter how hard-working many of these people might be, by ignoring our sovereignty, they are treating America like a huge piñata.

One thing you have to say for Obama is that he knows how to reward his friends. For instance, he has already granted well over 700 waivers to those entities seeking relief from the most onerous elements of ObamaCare. Among them are some of those very same unions who fought so hard to make sure the legislation was enacted. Even more contemptible are those senators and congressmen who passed the damn thing in the first place, knowing that their own health plans are separate and inviolable.

If and when the Supreme Court rules, as it should, that ObamaCare is unconstitutional, I wonder how the administration, which condemned the Republicans for devoting a week or so to trying to repeal the law, will justify squandering 18 months trying to shove it down our throats.

I was more than slightly annoyed when I learned that the Justice Department had decided not to prosecute the New Black Panther Party for voter intimidation, and that Eric Holder apparently told his staff of lawyers that under his watch they would not even consider prosecuting blacks or Hispanics for such crimes. But now I’ve received word that the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has warned employers they could be sued if they refuse to hire members of a minority even if they have criminal records!

On top of that, we already have a Supreme Court justice who’s convinced she has superior judgment simply because she’s a Latina.

I always thought that Black History month was offensive in a nation that allegedly prided itself on being colorblind. But now it appears that we have reached a point where only white people are reviled for no other reason than their race.

It was a sorry sight when we saw the President kowtow to every lowlife he encountered on his world tour, but, in the name of political correctness, we find that Caucasians are now expected to kowtow to every imaginable minority group in America, ranging from blacks and Hispanics to gays and Muslims.

It used to be that if we referred to our betters, we were taking about people who, through their decency, wisdom and accomplishments, provided a model to which we could aspire and a yardstick by which we could all measure our own shortcomings. Today it merely refers to anyone who’s not us.

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Monday, March 7, 2011

The World Through My Jaundiced Eyes

by Burt Prelutsky

As I watched all those Wisconsin teachers proudly carrying on like louts and buffoons in Madison, I found myself wondering how they could ever again chastise their students for misbehaving in class. I also found it amazing that they could insist with a straight face that demonstrating for fat salaries and even fatter pensions translated into fighting for the kids.

On the other hand, inasmuch as only about a third of Wisconsin’s eighth graders have 8th grade reading proficiency, as revealed by standardized test scores, it probably doesn’t make much difference if these teachers ever make it back to the classroom.

Indiana’s Democratic legislators, taking a page out of the Wisconsin playbook, have run off to Illinois. It was their way of delaying a vote to make Indiana a right-to-work state. I find it ironic that their strategy consisted of assuming they had the right not to work.

It’s been a boon for Illinois, which hadn’t seen such an increase in population in several decades. And the bonus, Illinois being Illinois, is that all these Wisconsin and Indiana Democrats will have their votes counted in future elections long after they’ve gone back to their own states. For that matter, they’ll have their votes counted long after they’re dead!

Come to think of it, the last time that so many legislators have goofed off at the same time was the last time the U.S. Senate was in session.

Speaking of goofing off, a recent study found that during his entire lifetime, an Englishman will spend 11 years watching the telly; 10,585 hours in a pub; and only learn to cook four different dinners. The study also discovered that, on average, he is 5’10”, weighs 175 pounds, and will spend one month searching for his socks. For that, there’s simply no excuse. If the bloke kept his eyes on his socks, that’s another 720 hours he could be spending at the pub.
Years ago, I attended a fascinating film series at UCLA. The purpose of the program was to pay tribute to five major movie directors who had worked in both the silent and the sound eras. On Sunday night, they would screen one of his silent films, and on the following Thursday, one of his sound productions. After which, the director, along with some of the people who had worked with him, would take part in a Q&A session.

The reason I bring it up is because every time I hear people deny the validity of polls because they can’t comprehend how a pollster can ask, say, 2,000 people whom they plan to vote for and thereby ascertain how 140 million of us will cast our ballots on Election Day, I am reminded of something Jean Renoir said that evening. When asked how he, a Frenchman, could come to America and immediately make a movie, The Southerner, about a group of sharecroppers, he held his hands about a foot apart and made a series of up and down gestures, slicing the air, as he replied, “Most people think in terms of America, France, Germany, China…not so!” He then flattened his hands in order to make horizontal cutting motions, while saying, “Farmers, factory workers, shop keepers, bankers, artists. I knew farmers in France. Farmers are the same everywhere.”

So, while it might strike at our belief that we are unique individuals, the chances are pretty good that an Irish-American fireman in Boston is probably going to vote the same way as an Irish-American fireman in Houston, Chicago and Duluth. And do you really think there’s going to be a lot of difference between the voting habits of Jewish social workers in New York and those in St. Louis, or that black nurses in New Orleans vote differently from black nurses in Seattle?

Mr. Renoir, being a realist, knew better than that, and so do Mr. Rasmussen, Mr. Zogby and Mr. Gallup.

And, finally, I wonder if Bill O’Reilly ever regrets that the distinction he came up with, “pinheads and patriots,” is clumsy and inappropriate nearly every time he uses it for purposes of comparison. Sometimes, the actual difference he’s referring to is between smart and dumb, normal and abnormal, civilized and boorish, or even good and evil. But, obviously, the opposite of a pinhead is a conservative, and the opposite of a patriot is Barack Obama.

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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Hollywood’s Matrimonial Blues

by Burt Prelutsky

It recently dawned on me that even though Hollywood couples often avoid marriage even when they have children together, while others are often married for embarrassingly short periods of time, the movies continue to promote the old-fashioned notion that marriage constitutes a happy ending in every romantic comedy they churn out.

They do this because they realize that even though shacking-up and one-night stands are typical for them, it does not constitute the norm or the ideal for most people in the audience.

❝Often the funniest lines delivered by these celebrities occur when they exchange marriage vows.❞
That being the case, you have to wonder why in so many other areas, they go out of their way to ignore or even deride the values and beliefs of most Americans. When it comes to such things as homosexual marriages, tax-funded abortions or the alleged villainy of the U.S. military, Hollywood is consistently out of step with the majority and they’re darn proud of it..

Often the funniest lines delivered by these celebrities occur when they exchange marriage vows. The most appropriate musical accompaniment isn’t Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March,” but a couple of rim shots after the “I do’s”. On occasion, the marriage is over before the gifts have been unwrapped, sometimes even before the cake has been cut.

For instance, Julia Roberts/Lyle Lovett (21 months); Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley (19 months); Charlie Sheen/Donna Peele (14 months); Jennifer Lopez/Chris Judd (7 months); Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock (5 months); Renee Zellwegger/Kenny Chesney (4 months); Nicolas Cage/Lisa Marie Presley (4 months); Drew Barrymore/Jeremy Thomas (6 weeks); Carmen Electra/Dennis Rodman (9 days); Dennis Hopper/Michelle Phillips (8 days); and, a drum roll, please: Britney Spears/Jason Alexander (55 hours).

Some of these ceremonies no doubt took place at Las Vegas chapels, but a couple of them, I suspect, occurred at local In-N-Out Burger stands, where the marriage certificates came with an order of fries.

There are a few things we can take away from all this. One is that hope springs eternal. Another is that lust, at least when combined with a great deal of alcoholic consumption, trumps common sense and more red flags than you’d see in Moscow, on May Day.

But the most important lessons of all are, one, if you are ever invited to a Lisa Marie Presley wedding, try not to sit near the front if you’re going to giggle and, two, when shopping for a wedding gift, don’t bother springing for the top of the line toaster oven.

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

by Burt Prelutsky

There are times when I find myself thinking that all of America’s loons are to be found lurking on the far left, but then something like the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) takes place and I have to rethink my position.

Never having attended one of those events, I have no idea how they’re arranged. But one thing I do know is that any gathering that results in a straw vote victory for Ron Paul should send shivers down the back of most conservatives.

What I don’t understand is why any potential presidential candidate who doesn’t happen to be Ron Paul shows up for these annual circuses. Forget that Donald Trump got booed for merely stating the obvious fact that Rep. Paul can’t win a presidential race. The truth is, most people can’t win a presidential race. That is especially the case if you will be 77 years old on Election Day in 2012. That is especially true if you’re someone who, in spite of raising a sizable war chest in 2008 and still campaigning long after McCain had locked up the nomination and everyone else had gone home, wound up with only a paltry number of delegates. For someone who purports to be fiscally responsible, spending in the neighborhood of a million dollars per delegate sounds like something only a drunken liberal sailor would do.
Karl Marx
I realize that Rep. Paul is regarded as close to godlike by his fanatical followers. Candidates on the fringe often are, whether they’re Henry Wallace, George Wallace, Ross Perot or Ralph Nader. There’s nothing that brings out this sort of zealotry quite as much as the realization that your favorite politician has no more chance of being elected president than your pet canary. And just because Rep. Paul keeps getting re-elected to Congress doesn’t make him a viable national candidate. I mean, does anyone in his right mind think that Nancy Pelosi, Henry Waxman or Dennis Kucinich, could wind up in the Oval Office except by invitation?

What really astonished and disturbed me about the Conference was that after Paul’s acolytes actually booed and heckled Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, Mr. Paul did not take a moment when he was at the rostrum to apologize for their boorish behavior or to admonish the louts for behaving like liberals.

Frankly, outside of Texas’s 14th congressional district and CPAC, the only other competition Ron Paul could ever hope to win is the Mr. Magoo look-alike contest.

Speaking of crazy people, in case you didn’t hear about it, the Berkeley, California, City Council would like to roll out the red carpet for two Guantanamo detainees. It sounds like the set-up for a very funny movie, but the Council, as usual, was dead serious. My guess is that after a couple of weeks, the jihadists would go running back to Cuba, begging for political sanctuary, screaming, “Those people are crazy!”

John D. Rockefeller
The other day, I found myself thinking about two of the 19th century’s most influential men. Karl Marx was born in 1818 and died in 1883. John D. Rockefeller was born in 1839 and died in 1937. So far as I know, they never had occasion to meet. But they would have been aware of each other, and each would have thought the other was a dangerous lunatic. Only one of them would have been right.

For much of the world, then and now, Marx was a benevolent visionary, while Rockefeller would be dismissed as an avaricious villain.

Still, it was Rockefeller who helped create Standard Oil, thus providing jobs, homes and oil, for hundreds of millions of people here in America and around the world. In addition, his charitable contributions to medical research led to the eradication of hookworm and yellow fever.

Karl Marx, on the other hand, never did anything that helped propel a car, turn a rotor, heat a home or fuel the world’s industries. His writings were productive, I suppose, but only in the sense that they helped to produce the likes of Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Castro, Che and Kim Jong-il.

I suppose if one wished to be charitable, you could credit Marx with helping to create employment opportunities for executioners, gravediggers and gulag guards.

Just for the record, Rockefeller believed in the profit motive. He was a realist and a pragmatist who understood the best and worst of human nature. For his part, Marx believed in a stateless, classless society. He believed that the only thing that prevented men from being perfect saints and angels was capitalism. He was a complete nincompoop. Which is just another way of saying that Rockefeller was a conservative and Marx was a left-winger.

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