Thursday, March 24, 2011

Diagnosing the Left

by Burt Prelutsky

Sometimes I feel like I’m a research scientist. But instead of pursuing a cure for a dread disease, I keep trying to figure out liberalism. On second thought, it is something of a dread disease. What makes it unique is that it’s only those suffering from it who are unaware that they have it.

But, say we have two brothers raised in the same household. What I want to know is why it is that one will grow up to be honest, decent and intelligent, while the other sibling, who has shared all the same advantages, will turn out to be a Democrat.

That got me to thinking that perhaps we’re all subjects in a great cosmic experiment, and while those of us in Group A were given placebos, those in Group B were given the revolutionary new drugs, which not only caused the usual side effects, such as nausea, impotence and diarrhea, they also deprived the human guinea pigs of their ability to process information, distinguish between good and evil or to ever allow logic to trump their emotions.

As a result, liberals love not wisely, but too well. Like female adolescents, they fixate on the object of their infatuation, and are incapable of recognizing a single flaw in the one they idolize. But instead of the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber, liberals go all dreamy when they gaze on Barack Obama.

When George Bush didn’t shut down Gitmo, they called him a fascist. When Obama, after vowing countless times to close it, leaves it open, liberals think it’s cute.
When Bush waged war in Iraq, the Left compared him to Hitler.
The same folks who were certain that the Patriot Act was treasonous under Bush see how essential it is under Obama.

When Bush mispronounced “nuclear” or Palin claimed she could see Russia on a clear day from her front porch, liberals carried on as if he had nuked London and she had broken wind on “The View,” but when Obama refers to 57 states, trashes America’s history and kowtows to Muslims, the Left could just eat him up with a spoon.

When Bush suggested that it might be a good idea if people chose to take control of their own Social Security investments, liberals accused him of trying to destroy America’s senior citizens. However, when the President got Reid and Pelosi to use bribery and intimidation to coerce their colleagues into passing ObamaCare, which would leave the health care of seniors up to bureaucrats, the liberals broke out the balloons and party hats.

When Bush waged war in Iraq, the Left compared him to Hitler. However, when Obama wages war in Afghanistan, the Left gives him a pass, the L.A. Times doesn’t keep a running count of how many American soldiers die fighting Obama’s war and Garry Trudeau doesn’t devote “Doonesbury,” allegedly a comic strip, to listing the names of the dead.

Now, I acknowledge that this is all supposition on my part. I have no actual proof that liberals are the end result of a laboratory experiment that’s gone terribly wrong.

But on the chance I’m right, I pray that someone somewhere is working day and night to come up with the antidote.

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©2011 Burt Prelutsky
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