Monday, March 14, 2011

Trying to Make Sense of Liberals

by Burt Prelutsky

It’s probably no surprise that nearly all of my Jewish friends and relatives long ago washed their hands of me. They simply couldn’t fathom how I, who grew up as most of them did, in the home of Russian-Jewish immigrants, could have turned out to be a conservative. Some of them are still so angry about it that I’m convinced that they would reverse the circumcision if they could.

For my part, I find it equally mystifying that people who were lucky enough to have been born in America can be as ungrateful as they are. Whether it’s Spike Lee claiming we’re the most violent nation in the history of the world, Barack Obama insisting that there’s nothing exceptional about America or some Muslim tinhorn like Mahmud Ahmadinejad calling us the Great Satan, these ingrates are prepared to give them a heart-felt “Amen!”

For good measure, a good number of these twerps remain convinced that either the Islamics brought down the Twin Towers on 9/11 and, moreover, were justified in doing so, or that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney set the explosives in the dead of night and should be prosecuted for war crimes.

Speaking of our two most recent presidents, I can’t begin to tell you how much I resent both Bush and Obama telling us what a terrific religion Islam is. I notice that they never had much to say about Christianity or Judaism, but when it came to the faith of our sworn enemies, the praise was constant. The way I look at it, if the president wants to convince me of his sincerity, I want him first to convert and then come ring my doorbell just like the Jehovah’s Witnesses. What I don’t want is for him to use his bully pulpit to sell us a bill of goods.

Speaking of religion, a thought that occurred to me recently is, if God doesn’t believe in atheists, does it mean that atheists don’t exist?

Finally, just the other day I was trying to figure out what it would be like if I found myself in the brain of a liberal. I decided it must be a very dark and scary place with lots of pot-holes. I mean, when Bill Maher, for instance, gets all cranky and starts whining about the mean things that some people say about Obama, has he truly forgotten that liberals such as himself frequently compared George Bush to Hitler and wished for him to die a slow, painful death?

Or is it that people like Maher, Joy Behar and Chris Matthews, are so convinced that they are perched at the very top of the highest moral ground on earth that only crazy people could possibly disagree with their vision of the world?

Understand, I don’t expect those on the left to say nice things about those on the other side. Why should they? I don’t, although I sometimes wish I could so that I’d appear to be above the partisan fray. But how can I when I believe that leftists are out to destroy America, whether intentionally or simply through ignorance and pigheadedness?

Still, if I were a liberal, I’d hate to think I was one of those dummies who kept parroting the same stale bilge about Sarah Palin. I understand that folks on the left are convinced that they raise the intellectual curve of any room they enter, but how does anyone dare question Mrs. Palin’s intelligence without at least granting that people like Barbara Lee, Nancy Pelosi and Janet Napolitano, are about as sharp as a bag of marshmallows?

And who could possibly deny that if Barbara Boxer were any dumber, you’d have to sprinkle her with fertilizer, prune her limbs on a regular basis and water her twice a week?

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©2011 Burt Prelutsky
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