Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Race For the White House

by BurtPrelutsky

As you all know, I will support any Republican — and I mean absolutely any Republican — who winds up running against Obama. That even includes the mastermind who came up with RomneyCare and who subscribes to the myth of global warming. Nobody, and that probably includes any other Democrat, could be as bad for America as the guy who managed to turn “community organizer” into a term of contempt that rivals “used car salesman,” “medical quack,” “ambulance chaser,” “hooker,” “pimp” and “congressman.

How could any patriotic American even consider voting for someone who, in less than three years, has added four trillion dollars to our national debt; has done everything in his power to send energy costs soaring; gotten us involved in a civil war that pits one group of Libyan rats against another group of Libyan rats; and provided a couple of leftist yentas, Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor, with lifetime sinecures on the Supreme Court?

As we start the presidential campaign in earnest, I beg the various GOP candidates to concentrate on Obama and to refrain from providing the liberals with ammunition they’ll be able to use against the Republican nominee.

Provide us with your vision, your agenda and even the Cabinet members on your wish list. Just don’t start harping on how awful the other Republican contenders are. We can decide that for ourselves. Candidates should keep Ronald Reagan’s 11th commandment in mind, not to speak ill of a fellow Republican. In fact, if I ran the party, I would insist that every contender sign a pledge to save his rebukes for the arrogant oaf in the Oval Office. Leave it to people like me to handle the insults.

I confess that I am troubled by the fact that Mitt Romney seems to lead in the polls. Although I will surely vote for him if he winds up getting the nomination, I can’t, for the life of me, imagine why he decided to defend his health plan when all he had to do was say, “It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it didn’t quite work out the way I imagined. I learned from my mistake. Why the heck didn’t Obama?”

God knows Romney looks presidential. He even sounds presidential. Central Casting couldn’t have done better. But I keep imagining a TV spot in which Romney declares, “I’m not actually a Republican candidate for the presidency, but I play one on television.”

Quite frankly, I’m not sure why anyone wants to move into the White House. I’m sure it’s nice to have a bowling alley in your basement, but it’s not that nice. I have always regarded the desire to be president as a sure indicator of insanity. But I have also determined that the huge number of loons in America pretty much limits the available choices. They range from those on the Right who are merely unstable to those on the Left who are certifiable crackpots.

This is a country, after all, where California cities San Francisco and Santa
Monica decide to use Nazi caricatures of Jews in a campaign to out-law circumcisions.

This is a country where some freaks think they have the right to disrupt the funerals of dead soldiers, while other cretins spend their evenings outside prisons, holding candlelight vigils for serial killers about to be executed.

This is also the country where the Richmond Federal Reserve Bank decided it would be a swell idea to run the PRISM banner up its flagpole to take its place just below the Stars and Stripes. PRISM happens to be a group representing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender, employees of the Bank. Maybe Ron Paul is right about getting rid of the Federal Reserve. Those people are way too crazy to trust around money.

Speaking of crazy, Fred Biery is a federal judge who ordered the Valley Independent School District, in Texas, to prohibit public prayer at a high school graduation ceremony. Judge Biery declared that Christa and Danny Schultz, along with their son, would be done irreparable harm if anyone prayed at the ceremony. Biery didn’t describe the harm, but had he said that he and the Schultzes had once heard the words “God,” “Lord” and “amen,” spoken aloud at a similar event and been immediately struck by lightning, which fried their brains and turned them into drooling zombies, one could readily understand his concern.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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