Monday, August 29, 2011

Oh, No, Obama!

by BurtPrelutsky

Recently, in my morning email, I received a fake quiz. It consisted of 10 quotes and I was being asked to figure out which of the quotes should be attributed to Sarah Palin, Dan Quayle, Barack Obama or George W. Bush. It wasn’t hard to guess that Obama was the source for all 10. The joke, of course, was that, according to liberals, Palin, Quayle and Bush, are all dunces, whereas Obama has been widely praised by nincompoops in the media for his brilliance and eloquence.

So, now, with no further ado, I take great delight in presenting the brilliant, eloquent and charismatic, Barack Obama:

“Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

“I‘ve now been in 57 states, I think, one left to go.”

“On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes, and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

“What they’ll say is, ‘Well it costs too much money,’ but you know what? It would cost, about…It, it, it would cost about the same as what we would spend. It. Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it costs us. (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to. It, it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about, hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though. I’m glad.”

“The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies, to our health care system.”

“I bowled a 129. It’s like, it was like the Special Olympics or something.”

“Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago to some of the most difficult questions of our time.”

“Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.”

“It was interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of I don’t know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing.”

“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

Now, being a fair-minded person, I will be the first to admit that over the years, I have on occasion found my mouth working somewhat independently of my brain. But, unlike Barack Obama, nobody has ever suggested that any of my speeches have rivaled the Gettysburg Address or the Sermon on the Mount, and nobody in the mainstream media has ever even reported that, when extemporizing, he not only says goofier things than Joe Biden, he says goofier things than Abbott and Costello.

This is the same marvelous spellbinder who, while reading a speech, repeatedly pronounced “Marine Corps” Marine Corpse. Can you imagine what Chris Matthews, Bill Maher and the feature writers at the NY Times, would have made of that verbal faux pas if it had been uttered by Palin, Bachmann or their favorite human piƱata, George W. Bush?

Instead of insisting that Obama is Daniel Webster, William Jennings Bryan and Marc Antony, all wrapped up in one golden-tongued orator, liberals would be better off giving a standing ovation to his eloquent, brilliant and charismatic, Teleprompter.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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