Monday, May 30, 2011

The Agony of Being a Jewish Conservative

by BurtPrelutsky

I am not overly surprised when the majority of American Jews continue to support Obama, but I know it confounds Christians. What they fail to grasp is that Israel’s survival is not only a low priority item for the president, but for a great many Jews.

My fellow Jews, by and large, are far more connected to liberalism than they are to Judaism, far less familiar with the Talmud than with “Dreams of My Father” or “The Audacity of Hope.” The more religious a Jew is, the more likely he is to be a political conservative and to be concerned with Israel’s security.

On the other hand, the younger and more secular a Jew is, the more likely he is to identify with Israel’s sworn enemies and the more likely he is to prioritize green energy, socialized medicine, same-sex marriages and federally-funded abortions.

It is no mystery that so many iconic figures on the left are secular Jews. They would include Karl Marx, Leon Trotsky, Saul Alinsky, Noam Chomsky, Ethel and Julius Rosenberg, Barney Frank, Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod, Barbara Boxer, Charles Schumer, Dianne Feinstein, Henry Waxman, Barbra Streisand, Brad Sherman, Norman Lear, Jon Stewart, Alan Colmes, Anthony Weiner, Bernie Sanders, Steven Spielberg and George Soros.

I’m afraid that attending synagogue once or twice a year, sprinkling one’s conversation with the occasional “schlemiel” and “schmendrick,” and having a taste for corned beef or pastrami does not a Jew make. In liberal circles, however, all it takes is voting for the most left-wing candidate on the ballot.

Any Jewish Democrat who takes umbrage at that list will, if experience counts for anything, label me a self-hating Jew. But I think, in my own defense, I need only share a few additional facts to make my case. There are, I believe, 154 Catholics in Congress, 24 in the Senate and 130 in the House. Of the 154, 84 are Democrats, 70 are Republicans.

There are 70 Baptists and Southern Baptists in Congress, 10 in the Senate and 60 in the House. Of the 70, 26 are Democrats, 44 are Republicans.

There are 47 Presbyterians in Congress, 15 in the Senate and 32 in the House. Of the 47, 16 are Democrats, 31 are Republicans.

When you realize that the Republicans in Congress currently out-number the Democrats 287-246, you can see that the 145 to 126 Republican advantage in those three major religious groups is nearly perfectly in sync with the overall makeup of the legislature.

However, there are 33 Jews currently in Congress, 12 in the Senate, 21 in the House. Of the 33, 32 are Democrats, while Eric Cantor constitutes the entire Republican contingent.

Even though Barack Obama has displayed bias towards the Arabs and Muslims ever since he entered the Oval Office, whether it was demanding that Israel stop erecting housing in the so-called settlements, going back to its 1967 borders or glowering at its prime minister as if he’d just nuked Chicago, he’s not the first president who has held Israel to an impossible standard while giving the Arabs a pass. At least since Carter, they’ve all behaved as if the stumbling block to peace is that Israel is just too damn big. Why else would every “path to peace” invariably begin with Israel’s being asked to cede land? Inasmuch as Israel is by far the smallest nation in the region, it suggests that each of them, but especially Obama, would have insisted that if it had been up to him, David would have had to first hand over his slingshot, and then fight Goliath from his knees with one arm tied behind his back.

It’s a strange form of amnesia that causes the world to forget that in 1948, it wasn’t the Jews who banished the Arabs; it was Egypt, Transjordan, Lebanon, Syria and Iraq, the invading coalition, that suggested to their friends that they temporarily vacate the premises while the Arab legions finished the job that Hitler began. These weasels were told it would be over in a day or two, and they could then return to divvy up the spoils.

The world also tends to overlook the fact that for decades before Israel achieved statehood, the Zionists had been buying up land at wildly inflated prices from the local Arabs. The world also ignores the fact that thousands of Jews had lived there since biblical times.

Yet another inconvenient truth the world turns a blind eye to is that it was the Arab and Muslim nations in 1948 that banished their Jewish populations and, for good measure, confiscated their money and property.

As if all of that weren’t enough to sway public opinion in their favor, 20% of Israelis are Arabs, who not only have the vote, but have seats in the Knesset, Israel’s legislature, and whose wives and daughters actually have the rights and freedoms they’re denied everywhere else in the sewer known as the Middle East.

Within a few years following the end of World War II, all the Jewish survivors of the Holocaust had found homes, mainly in Israel, Europe, Canada and the U.S. But 63 years after they voluntarily abandoned Israel so the Jews could be slaughtered without any collateral damage to themselves, the so-called Palestinians continue to be “refugees” demanding the right of return, although how one returns to where one has never been is a mystery best left to science fiction writers.

The reason that there are still “refugees” six decades after the fact is that not a single nation in the region wants the riffraff inside their borders. Far better for Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria and the rest, to keep them right where they are, to be used as pawns in their attempt to scapegoat the Jews for the hunger, unemployment, ignorance and oppression, rampant in their own countries.

Jewish Democrats may be willing to give Obama high marks, but fortunately there are others who have a clearer vision. Which is why some wag has seen to it that the following piece of fiction has gone viral in recent weeks. Claiming to be a message to Obama from Netanyahu, while on his way to the U.S., it reads: “Tens of thousands of ordinary Mexicans were driven out of their homes, the only homes they had known for centuries, and forced to live in poverty and squalor south of the border, thanks to American aggression. This festering wound will never heal until America takes steps to return to the internationally accepted lines of 1845. Clearly the settlement activity that’s taken place in occupied Mexico since then is illegal. When I meet the President tomorrow, I will tell him to halt all building activity in Texas immediately. Two lands for two people, yes, but not on land taken by force from Mexico.”

It’s a shame that it never happened. At least if it had, it might have made sense why, at their get-together the next day, Obama had glared at Netanyahu as if he had caught him trying to swipe the silverware.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Things That Muddle My Mind

by BurtPrelutsky

There are any number of things that don’t seem to bother the rest of you that manage to keep me awake nights. One of these is the Olympics. Why, I find myself wondering, does the world every four years turn its entire attention to athletic events it will then totally ignore for the next four years? I make no bones about the fact that I have no interest in the whole shebang, but how is it that the rest of you don’t suddenly start devoting the same attention to 12-year-old gymnasts, discus throwers and synchronized swimmers that I do to baseball if you find these and sundry matters so darn enthralling?

Next, why is it that you can’t wait to gorge yourself on roast turkey every Thanksgiving but don’t even think about having it on any of the other 364 days of the year? I am even willing to bet that no condemned man ever ordered it for his last meal unless, of course, he was slated to meet his maker on the fourth Thursday in November.

This brings us, inevitably, to politics. Of course with the 2012 presidential campaign being well under way, everything these days brings us inevitably to politics. But what I specifically have in mind are Iowa and New Hampshire. Now, please understand I have no problem with either place. I once even spent a pleasant week in and around Des Moines. But how was it determined that those two improbable states would be given so much importance? I understand that for reasons I can’t quite fathom they get to kick off the primary season, but so what? To me it makes about as much sense as inflating the importance of winning the coin toss at the start of a football game.

The plain facts are these: The Hawkeye State doesn’t even have a primary election, but merely a caucus at which a few hundred people get to root for their favorite candidate; while the Granite State is so small that in 2008, Obama and McCain divvied up a mere 701,528 votes. Shoot, you get bigger turnouts than that in mayoral elections in a slew of American cities.

But if you listen to the various pundits, you would think that instead of Iowa and New Hampshire, it was California and Texas or at least Florida and New York that were up for grabs. In the general election, Iowa and New Hampshire will account for a total of 11 electoral votes. That would mean that even if one of the presidential candidates swept both of them, he or she would still have to rack up another 259 votes before collecting the keys to the White House.

Two other things keep gnawing at me. How is it that people who drive around with bumper stickers that read “War is Not the Answer” aren’t the least bit embarrassed to be seen in public? Of course, as most of us realize, there are many occasions when war is exactly the right answer. There are also, I grant you, many occasions when it isn’t, as, for instance, when the question is “Who portrayed Dr. Watson to Basil Rathbone’s Sherlock Holmes?” or “Which team won the 2002 Super Bowl?” (Because I don’t wish to cause any of you sleepless nights, the correct answers are Nigel Bruce and the New England Patriots, 20-17, over the St. Louis Rams.)

A related question that comes to mind is, why the hell are we still squandering money and lives in Afghanistan or Iraq?

For that matter, who are we to decide who should be running Libya? Considering the presidents we’ve elected in the years since 1988, it’s clearly not something we’re good at.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Commonsense, We Hardly Knew Ye

by BurtPrelutsky

It used to be that the difference between the two political parties merely indicated a divergence when it came to major issues. Today, however, it has come to mean a schism of Grand Canyon proportions between those who possess rational thought and those on the Left.

Liberals believe, in spite of a century’s worth of contradictory evidence, that socialism is a humane and viable economic system. They believe that America is a racist country in spite of the fact that we have an ostensibly black president; a black attorney general, and that two of our last three secretaries of state have been black.

If you’re dumb enough to be a member of NOW, you are also likely to subscribe to the notion that we live in a patriarchal, misogynistic society, where the deck is stacked against women, even though two of those three secretaries of state have been females, as was the last speaker of the House.

Speaking of Nancy Pelosi, did the same person who told us that ObamaCare would have to be passed if we wanted to know what was in it actually have the gall to say that election results, referring to those in 2010, shouldn’t matter so much? I think she should check with her boss before making any future statements because all that this last one did was remind many of us that, shortly after the 2008 election, Obama rudely reminded John McCain that the election was over and, furthermore, that Republicans should sit down, shut up and get out of his way.

But knowing Pelosi as we have come to, nobody should assume she was actually calling for bi-partisanship. Rather, it was merely a roundabout way of asking that they give her back the jumbo jet she had received as a perk of her speakership.

I suppose, if I were a much kinder person, I would sympathize with Ms. Pelosi. After all, one day she had broken through the glass ceiling and was second in line to the presidency, and the next day she was just another grumpy old lady grousing about the good old days. But that’s the way it is here in America. Take her California colleague, Henry Waxman. On Tuesday, he’s the most powerful midget in the nation, on Wednesday, he’s just another garden gnome.

But don’t get me wrong. All the lunatics aren’t in the nation’s capital, although it often seems that way. Out here on the left coast, the California Senate passed a bill that mandates that social studies curriculum in the public schools includes gay history. For good measure, the Federation of Teachers Convention voted to reaffirm their support of convicted cop killer Mumia Abu-Jamal. Keep in mind, these are the people who are teaching your kids, and not only don’t they have to register as child molesters, but you’re paying their salaries.

Even in Washington, fair-minded people have to acknowledge that not all the dipsticks are Democrats. At least not so long as John McCain is still taking up space in the Senate. As if his former partnerships with Russ Feingold and Ted Kennedy weren’t bad enough, the village idiot has now gone into business with John Kerry. Together, they make a very strange horse, one with a single head but two behinds. Their “Commercial Privacy Bill of Rights” (the gaudier the title, the dumber the legislation), would prevent individuals from suing companies that covertly gather personal information and sell it to interested parties. Under their proposed bill, only the FTC or a state attorney general could sue.

Instead of constantly having to reach across the aisle, it would have made far more sense if the ninny from Arizona had been seated all along with his natural allies. For one thing, McCain wouldn’t have risked injuring his rotator cuff from all that reaching. For another, it would have prevented his having been the Republican presidential candidate in 2008.

After all the posturing and political grandstanding over the recent budget battle, it seems that the actual cuts didn’t even amount to the paltry 50 or 60 billion dollars they spent weeks haggling over. Once both parties set aside the smoke and mirrors until the next time they needed them, the actual cuts apparently amounted to $1.49.

I’m afraid that when it comes to playing hardball, the Republicans simply aren’t in the same division, let alone the same league, as Democrats. Partly that’s because the liberals are in control of the MSM, so that when a liberal accuses conservatives of, say, setting out to starve your granny, he can count on the NY Times, the alphabet networks and the numbskulls on The View, to provide him with a gigantic bullhorn and the world’s biggest echo chamber.

But it is also the result of Republican politicians being as gutless as the kid who allows himself to be constantly cowed by the schoolyard bully. The mere notion of being called a racist, a fascist or a homophobe, is enough to send them scurrying for cover like a flock of Chicken Littles. Heck, even I wind up wanting to see these punks pantsed, dumped into a trash barrel or given a well-deserved wedgie.

The sad political fact is that if you give a Democrat an inch, he’ll take a yard. Give a Republican a yard and he’ll resist taking an inch.

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Monday, May 23, 2011

Liberals and Islamists Sitting In a Tree

by BurtPrelutsky

Even though it’s been a while since Osama bin Laden was deep-sixed by the Navy, I continue to hear from those tenderhearted schlemiels who took umbrage at my suggestion that his remains should have been wrapped, not in a white sheet, but inside a pigskin.

While I accept that not everyone is as revenge-driven as I am, I don’t get their concern over how we deal with jihadists. And, frankly, when people such as John McCain and General Petraeus insist that our troops will suffer if we upset Islamics, I feel a reality check is in order. Members of Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah and the Muslim Brotherhood, burn and behead us, crash airliners into New York skyscrapers and fire missiles into Israel, hoping to kill women and children, and these clowns are concerned that we might do something to incite these savages?

Furthermore, I’m sick and tired of McCain’s using his own years as a POW as a club with which to bash those in favor of enhanced interrogation. Even McCain, who was a war hero 40 years ago but pretty much a dunderhead ever since, should understand the difference between North Vietnamese torturing American soldiers because they felt like it and waterboarding a handful of Muslim terrorists in order to avoid a reoccurrence of 9/11 or to lead us to bin Laden’s lair.

Speaking of whom, one often hears that some fugitives, certain of arrest and confinement, get into gun battles with the police, in the hope they’ll be shot down. It’s referred to as SBC, suicide by cops. It’s my belief that bin Laden committed SBS, suicide by Seals. And, really, who can blame him? I mean, here was a guy confined for five years on two floors of a house with three wives and 23 kids. By the time our guys arrived on the scene, he probably envied Saddam Hussein the peace and quiet of his hidey-hole.

As for depositing bin Laden’s sorry remains in a pigskin, why should any American object? If a jihadist fears contact with pigs or pig products because he’s convinced it will prevent his entry to Paradise and some other lucky stiff will wind up with 144 virgins, why wouldn’t we publicize the fact that in the future all of our bullets and bombs will be manufactured by Porcine Armaments? It’s as silly for us to ignore their dread of swine products as it would be for Lex Luthor, in the name of good sportsmanship, to ignore the effect that kryptonite has on Superman.

After bin Laden was exterminated, in a fit of whimsy, I wrote that the only conceivable reason for taking him alive would have been in order to gather intelligence from him, but inasmuch as the Seals made off with his computers, his letters and, for all I knew, his naughty doodles of unveiled women, shooting him was a swell idea. Little did I know how close I’d come to the truth. Instead of doodles, though, it seems the old letch had a sizable collection of pornographic videos.

It reminded me that several of the creeps responsible for 9/11 had spent 9/10 getting drunk at strip clubs. Aside from indicating that jihadists aren’t quite as devout in their devotion to Islamic piety as we’ve been led to believe, it leads me to wonder if the FBI can stop trying to infiltrate mosques and, instead, simply start hanging around bars, burlesque houses and dirty movie arcades.

Moving on to matters closer to home, I’m happy to say that, as a conservative, I’m most impressed with such potential candidates as Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Marco Rubio and Chris Christie, and would regard the Republicans going from (John) McCain to (Herman) Cain in four years as a sign of genuine progress, but the truth is that I will back anyone who winds up running against Obama.

With such matters as same-sex marriages, card checks, late-term abortions, the National Labor Relations Board’s power over private companies, the EPA’s attempt to turn itself into a legislative body, Arizona’s border control law and ObamaCare, all headed sooner or later for the Supremes, how is it that so many seemingly intelligent conservatives will inevitably threaten to sit out the 2012 election if their own personal favorite doesn’t cop the nomination?

How many times do some people need to be reminded that the last four justices appointed by the Democrats were Ginsburg, Breyer, Kagan and Sotomayor, while the last three appointed by a couple of RINOs named Bush were Clarence Thomas, John Roberts and Samuel Alito? And, yet, there are still some people who think they’re displaying their political savvy when they insist there’s no difference between Democrats and Republicans.

Furthermore, when conservatives whine about RINOs in the House and Senate, they’re overlooking the fact that when it comes to counting noses to determine which party is in the majority, Scott Brown’s shnoz counts as much as Jon Kyl’s. Or perhaps you don’t think it really matters if Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid or John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are determining agendas and appointing committee chairmen.

Finally, as you’ve probably heard, Newt Gingrich, who, in spite of announcing that he is once again seeking the GOP nomination, attacked Paul Ryan as a right-wing social engineer and came out in favor of a plan that, no matter how he parses it, sounds an awful lot like ObamaCare. As if that weren’t bad enough, we keep seeing that TV spot he made, sitting on a sofa with Nancy Pelosi -- the two of them looking like geezers on a blind date hoping to get lucky -- getting paid to promote Al Gore’s global warming hoax.

In totally unrelated news, Barack Obama announced that he is thinking of dumping Joe Biden in 2012 and running with his good friend, Newt Gingrich.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Leveling With Republicans

by BurtPrelutsky

Even though the next presidential election is still more than 500 days away, it’s never too soon to be prepared. After all, Obama hasn’t stopped campaigning since Election Day, 2008.

To begin with, and let me be very clear about this, no third party candidate, no matter how sincere or how well-funded -- whether the party calls itself Libertarian, Constitution, Tea Party, Bull Moose or Whig -- is ever going to win a national election. All a third party candidate will do is ensure that a liberal will be able to win with just 40-45% of the vote.

Also, anyone who is too pure in heart to vote for the Republican nominee, whoever it turns out to be, doesn’t then get to say, “Well, at least I had nothing to do with re-electing Barack Obama.” If you don’t vote for, as some folks like to say, the lesser of two evils, you will have a lot to do with electing the greater menace.

It is high time that Republicans grew up. The reality is that politics isn’t a game for kind hearts and gentle spirits; it’s a blood sport with everything from war to energy policy to tax rates riding on the outcome. Therefore, it verges on the insane when conservatives demean the less conservative as Republicans in Name Only (RINOS). Whether out of true conviction or mere geography, not everyone in America is going to be as conservative as you might like, but in the real world a RINO is better than a liberal. So, as off-putting as they can sometimes be, people like Scott Brown, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, are preferable to Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer and Charles Schumer. I, for one, will always prefer a senator who votes the way I like 50% of the time or even 10% of the time to someone who carries Obama’s water 24/7. And, to be fair, in liberal states such as Maine and Massachusetts, states that Obama won with over 54% of the vote in 2008, we’re lucky to have three senators willing to appear in public with a big, fat (R) target on their backs.

I also can’t help noticing that Democrats never make it a practice to insult any of their supporters by calling them DINOS.

George W. Bush was not my ideal, but I will forever be grateful that he kept Gore and Kerry out of the Oval Office and, moreover, appointed Roberts and Alito to the Supreme Court. Not too shabby for a RINO.

Next, in the coming months, I would hope that the various paranoiacs in our midst would refrain from predicting that martial law will be instituted and that Obama will see to it that the 2012 election never takes place. The first time I recall hearing this nonsense, Clinton was president. Then it began all over again, this time instigated by leftists when G.W. Bush was in office. Now, once again, it’s Republicans parroting this rubbish. I’m happy to report that when the 2008 election went off on schedule, I actually won $10 from a born sucker I happen to know. But I’d gladly forego the easy money if we could just get through the next election without having to put up with this childish flapdoodle.

Something else I’d like to avoid are those people who think themselves so smart and sophisticated when they insist that there’s no difference between Republicans and Democrats. Oh, really? Republicans want a balanced budget and a greatly reduced national deficit, the Democrats want to fund cowboy poetry festivals, trains to nowhere and, lest we forget, tunnels for turtles, with our tax dollars.

Moreover, while the Democrats pushed for the trillion dollar stimulus, Government Motors, ObamaCare, Cap and Trade, a moratorium on offshore drilling, card checks, and tax dollars for ACORN, the NEA and Planned Parenthood’s abortion mills, the greatly out-numbered Republicans kept pushing back. So just exactly how are they alike? They all put on their shoes one at a time?

Let us not forget that it was the Democrats who were vandalizing Madison, Wisconsin, and trashing the rule of law, on behalf of the goons and oafs in the public sector unions, while such Republican stalwarts as Scott Walker, John Kasich, Chris Christie and Mitch Daniels, were fighting for sanity and sound fiscal policies.

Do you think Republicans agree with Obama’s National Labor Relations Board that Boeing doesn’t have the right to build its new 787 Dreamliner factory in South Carolina, a right to work state, simply because the International Association of Machinists want it built in the state of Washington? Washington, is also the place where the machinists union has struck Boeing four times since 1989, at a cost in lost revenues of $1.8 billion.

Not too long ago, Barack Obama promised to double our exports. Democrats, who are always ready and eager to listen to fairy tales, ballyhooed the fatuous pronouncement and then begged to have Little Red Riding Hood read to them before they’d go to sleep.

Republicans, on the other hand, all knew better. They knew that the only exports Obama has any chance of doubling will be American jobs.

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Questions & Answers

by BurtPrelutsky

Why don’t the avid environmentalists, the goofy folks who still believe that Mother Earth is heating up at an alarming rate and that carbon dioxide is a pollutant, ever show up at the White House and picket Obama, the guy whose massive ego is only exceeded by his carbon footprint?

We already know that all it takes is for Barack to sniff a couple of campaign dollars lurking in the far reaches of Hawaii and he has Air Force One warming up on the tarmac. But, according to an item I read in Townhall magazine, the Obamas also insist on flying their personal trainer, Cornell McLellan, in from Chicago every week. The Washington Examiner’s J.P. Freire claims that little presidential perk results in 50,000 pounds of carbon emissions in a typical year. While I don’t know who is footing the bill or why the Obamas can’t make do with a personal trainer within walking distance of the White House, I would have thought that Barack was getting more than enough exercise just from lifting the national deficit to record heights while simultaneously kicking spending cuts down the road.

Speaking of the Exerciser-in-Chief, I recently re-read Edgar Allan Poe’s story, “The Purloined Letter.” It was Poe’s notion that the cleverest place to conceal something wasn’t in any of the usual hidey holes where the police would be certain to search, but, rather, in plain sight, where the unimaginative would never think to look for it. A week ago, after reading the tale, it occurred to me that we’d been looking for a tall, skinny, bearded Arab named Osama bin Laden for the better part of the past decade. It was a short time after 9/11 that a tall, skinny, clean-shaven Arab named Barack Obama came out of nowhere to become a Chicago politician, a U.S. Senator and the President of the United States. It had me wondering if it was merely a coincidence or, rather, a case of the purloined presidency.

But recent events in Pakistan suggested I was barking up the wrong tree. Still, being the cynic I am, I’ll withhold my applause just in case bin Laden suddenly releases a new tape while holding up the front page of that day’s New York Times.

Some people have taken me to task for always referring to the union demonstrators in Madison, Wisconsin, and elsewhere as thugs. It is certainly not my wish to offend anyone’s tender sensibilities, so I will try in the future to refer to them as goons.

I’ve noticed that every few years Hollywood makes a film about a caveman who is discovered preserved in ice. Although there are those inevitable little glitches along the way as the guy becomes acclimated to modern life, which generally involve pop-up toasters, escalators and glow-in-the-dark condoms, it generally only takes a little thawing out and a haircut before he becomes civilized, or at least as civilized as any movie character is likely to be who winds up locking lips with Jennifer Aniston or Drew Barrymore. Isn’t it a shame that we can’t civilize Arabs, Muslims and liberals, that easily in real life?

I don’t suppose that Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, the new head of the DNC, is any ditzier than any of her predecessors, one of whom was the clown prince of Cuckooland, Howard Dean. But, then, the truth is, it would be next to impossible to be that goofy unless you were competing in a contest and there was big money riding on the outcome. Still, every time I look at Ms. Wasserman-Schultz, I’m reminded of that little androgynous persona that master ventriloquist Senor Wences used to create by drawing a face with lipstick on his fist and adorning it with a tiny little blonde wig.

Inasmuch as we’re already strolling down Nostalgia Lane, has anybody ever figured out why Superman wore a cape? I mean, okay, I understand the tights. If you’re flying at mach speed, you want to be as aerodynamic as possible. But if speed is what it’s all about, why slow yourself down with that silly cape? We’ll leave the question of the red underpants worn outside the tights for another day. Still, perhaps we’ve inadvertently answered that decades-old question: Why didn’t Clark Kent ever pop the question to Lois Lane?

Finally, I realize that even if it keeps me up nights, Superman’s cape isn’t the biggest mystery of the age. That, obviously, would be why, in spite of flip-flopping on virtually every pledge he made as a campaigner, the Left continues to treat Obama with the same degree of adoration that Christians display towards their messiah, that Muslims display towards Mohammed and that Nancy Pelosi displays towards, well, Nancy Pelosi.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, May 16, 2011

Believe It Or Else

by BurtPrelutsky

Years ago, a globe-trotter named Robert Ripley made a handsome living with a comic strip and a series of popular movie shorts called “Believe It or Not.” It was Ripley’s brainstorm that Americans would be fascinated by such oddities as people who grew their fingernails three-feet long, subsisted on a diet of bugs or constructed their homes out of ox dung. If nothing else, Ripley let us know that our relatives weren’t really the daffiest folks on earth.

These days, political correctness generally prevents us from shining a spotlight on the weird customs and disgusting habits of the various freaks who share the planet with us. To get around those inhibitions, let us consider this an homage to the late Mr. Ripley.

So, while the U.N., NATO and Barack Obama, come down with a case of the vapors every time Arab or Muslim dictators fire on their revolting subjects, be it in Egypt, Libya, Algeria, Yemen or Syria, none of them are the least bit concerned when the Palestinian terrorists launch missiles on the civilian population of Israel.

Here in the United States, Barack Obama makes a big show of washing his hands of his longtime friend and religious mentor, Jeremiah Wright, but then, a scant two years later, attends Easter services in a church whose pastor, Wallace Charles Smith, is a disciple of that very same Rev. Wright.

Then, lest anyone thinks that he ever really means what he says, Obama, after denouncing the violent and misogynistic lyrics that comprise the musical genre known as Rap, invites Common, whose puerile lyrics have called for the killing of George Bush and police officers, to the White House for an evening devoted to great American poets. I swear, if Barack and Michelle didn’t have lousy taste, they wouldn’t have any taste at all.

Rounding things off, Obama has half a wall erected at our southern border and celebrates the occasion by announcing the wall is complete. Even the Wizard of Oz didn’t have that much gall, and he was only trying to pull the wool over the eyes of a tin man, a scarecrow, a young girl, a small dog and a cowardly lion.

Then, for good measure, the liar-in-chief claimed responsibility for the declining number of illegal aliens. Now if he had prefaced that claim by pointing out that it’s been his destruction of the U.S. economy and his maintaining the unemployment rate at 9% that’s caused the decline, even I would grant that he’s entitled to take a bow.

Finally, in the spirit of Robert Ripley, I would call to your attention a very peculiar practice on “The View.” With the exception of Whoopi Goldberg, who very wisely wears trousers, all the women, including 81-year-old Barbara Walters, insist on wearing very short, skimpy dresses. It sort of makes you wonder what the show’s title is actually referring to.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Friday, May 13, 2011

Are Liberals Actually Human

by BurtPrelutsky

Two questions that often plague me are what planet do liberals hail from, and why don’t they go back?

For instance, Michael Moore, who looks more and more like Helen Thomas every day, along with many of his fellow leftists, has insisted that, morally, there was no difference between Osama bin Laden’s killing 3,000 people on 9/11 and our killing him. Just how fatheaded do you have to be to even suggest such a thing?

But it’s not uncommon for liberals to cite moral equivalence where there isn’t any. They do it when it comes to equating cold-blooded murder of innocent people with the state’s execution of the murderer; they do it in regards to the Middle East not only when they condemn Israel for defending itself against Arab and Muslim terrorists, but when they equate Christian martyrs with the blood-thirsty Egyptian mobs who burn down their churches and slaughter them in the streets.

The reaction to the killing of Osama bin Laden was interesting on many levels. To begin with, people argued whether the proper term was assassinate, kill, execute or even murder. I think the appropriate word was exterminate, which is generally the way we refer to rodent and pest control.

Then we had the problem inherent in Barack Obama, a liberal who not only opposes capital punishment, but who campaigned for terrorists to be tried like common criminals in civilian courts, serving as judge, jury and executioner, of a man who was never Mirandized, provided with an attorney or given the opportunity to face his accusers; and, for good measure, whose fate was Seal-ed without the okay of the U.N., the World Court or Rosie O’Donnell.

Can you imagine the stink that would have been raised by the MSM if George W. Bush had green-lighted the operation? At the very least, the environmentalists would have gone berserk, comparing the dumping of bin Laden’s carcass to BP Oil’s contamination of the ocean.

Finally, if any additional proof of the Left’s intellectual dishonesty were needed, we have Nancy Pelosi stating, back in 2006, that, “Even if Osama bin Laden is caught tomorrow, it is five years too late…the damage he has done is done. And even to capture him now I don’t think makes us any safer.” But five years later, she has the gall to announce: “The death of Osama bin Laden marks the most significant development in our fight against Al-Qaida. I salute President Obama, his national security team, Director Panetta, our men and women in the intelligence community and military, and other nations who supported this effort for their leadership in achieving this major accomplishment. The death of Osama bin Laden is historic.”

You would have thought Mrs. Pelosi might at least have squeezed George W. Bush in there at some point, perhaps in place of those anonymous “other nations.” Come to think of it, which nations do you think she had in mind? Luxembourg? North Korea? Pakistan, perhaps?

But that’s the sort of embarrassing thing that’s bound to occur when, as is all too typical of liberal politicians, one values partisanship above principles, and make a practice of rewarding the vainglorious and the abysmally ignorant, people such as Mrs. Pelosi and Harry Reid, with leadership positions.

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The Not So Great Debate

by BurtPrelutsky

In the wake of the GOP debate in South Carolina, I have decided that Herman Cain was not only the clear-winner, but that he’s now the guy to beat. He’s bright, speaks well and seems to be free of the sort of baggage that career politicians always seem to be carting around. Even when given the opportunity, Mitt Romney refuses to disown RomneyCare, while Newt Gingrich is being ridden piggyback by a sex life that even has Bill Clinton shaking his head and going “Oh my!”

I would suggest to Tim Pawlenty that he learn what to do with his hands before the next debate rolls around. As it is, he comes across like someone who graduated in the bottom third of the class from the Harry Truman School of Public Speaking. He comes across like a robot whose batteries are running low.

One of the things I like best about Mr. Cain is that, so far as I know, he didn’t announce the formation of a committee before deciding to toss his hat in the ring. Frankly, I don’t want a president who has to form a committee before making any decision unrelated to ordering breakfast or having an affair.

I must confess that of the five men on stage, there were only two who didn’t seem to think their goal was to put us to sleep, and they were Cain and Ron Paul. After events like this, I always find myself wondering why Republican politicians, who never tire of getting applause by merely mentioning Ronald Reagan’s name, never take five minutes to figure out what made him such an appealing candidate. It wasn’t just his looks. If it were that simple, Governor Romney would already be ensconced in the Oval Office.

The fact is, Republicans are just as bad, if not worse, than liberals when it comes to communicating. Perhaps the problem is that they become so accustomed to being treated like potentates by their staffs, their colleagues and legions of lobbyists, they forget that most of us regard them as self-important simpletons. They get up there like high school valedictorians, stringing together bromides and platitudes, totally devoid of humor and originality, and expect us to swoon at their brilliance. Reagan may not have had a very distinguished acting career, but he knew how to deliver a line and make it sound spontaneous, and he certainly knew the difference between a good script and a lousy one.

Just because politicians take their own clichés seriously and deliver them with great solemnity doesn’t mean that any of us are under any obligation to feign interest. It’s time that Republicans running for office realized that it’s not illegal to occasionally break the law of gravitas.

In trying to find a way to express the awful feeling I get when having to listen to one of these bores, I kept coming up with words like “queasy” and “stomach-turning.” Which, I suddenly realized, is exactly how I feel when listening to Garrison Keillor’s prissy singing voice.

Unlike such naturals as Reagan, Herman Cain and Jack Kennedy, most politicians unfortunately share the personality traits one usually associates with a sack of potatoes.

Still, I should hasten to add that if in the 2012 presidential election, the bag of spuds has an (R) after its name, it has my vote.

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Sunday, May 8, 2011

We Are Better Than Them

by BurtPrelutsky

In the wake of Osama bin Laden’s execution, I heard a lot of people spouting sheer poppycock. Some of these schmoes felt we had no business taking care of business in another country. Considering that the country in question was Pakistan, a nation that even really rotten, corrupt countries look down upon, that’s a position not even worth debating.

There were those who felt the Navy Seals should have captured him and brought bin Laden back for trial. Those people may even be dumber than the ones in that first group. The only possible reason we might have considered keeping him alive would have been in order to extract information from him. But inasmuch as the Seals carted off his computer, his files, his letters and, for all I know, his naughty doodles of women without veils, we’re all far better off having him swimming with the fishes.

There are even some people who frown on the fact that crowds of Americans congregated in order to celebrate the death of this creep. To tell you the truth, I understand bin Laden better than I do these holier-than-thou types who I kept seeing on TV talk shows, admonishing the celebrants. I am not engaging in hyperbole, either. Bin Laden was a Muslim jihadist with a messiah complex. We’ve been dealing with those miserable rodents ever since the Ayatollah Khomeini came to power, thanks to Jimmy Carter, three decades ago.

❝I happen to think it was dumb, perhaps even evil, to have given bin Laden such a nice send-off. I feel it sent the wrong message.❞

But who are these jackasses who think that killing the guy responsible for murdering over 3,000 Americans isn’t sufficient reason to forget an 8.5 unemployment rate, $4-a-gallon gas, soaring food prices and a $14 trillion deficit, for a few glorious hours? I’ll tell you who I suspect they are; namely, the same idiots who show up for candlelight vigils outside prisons when serial killers are about to be executed. While normal people are empathizing with the friends and family of the innocent victims, these moral degenerates think they’re setting a Christ-like example for the rest of us by identifying with the killer. In truth, their pious posturing stinks to high heaven.

I also suspect they’re the same freaks who, with nothing but their own self-righteous attitude upon which to base their convictions, not only kept insisting for years that waterboarding constitutes torture, but that it never leads to the gathering of trustworthy intelligence. Even the fact that it led to bin Laden’s discovery will not dissuade them. You can lead a jackass to water, after all, but you can’t make it think.

So, for starters, waterboarding is not torture. Torture is when punishment is doled out for its own sake. The Nazis perfected it in their concentration camps and the laboratories of Dr. Mengele.

Furthermore, torture leads to maiming and, very often, death. Waterboarding, on the other hand, as generations of fraternity boys, who have been hazed as an initiation rite can testify, leads to severe discomfort. Only a moron can’t tell the difference. But for their edification, discomfort is sitting in the middle seat on a cross-country airplane trip; torture is having to watch a couple of Jim Carrey movies while you’re sitting there.

So far as morality is concerned, I happen to think it was dumb, perhaps even evil, to have given bin Laden such a nice send-off. I feel it sent the wrong message. I know President Obama and others believe it showed the world how fine we are. I think it showed the world that we are so cowardly that we will even show respect to pure evil. If it had been up to me, I would have wrapped bin Laden’s sorry carcass in pigskin, which perhaps explains why I don’t hold elective office. But certainly there had to have been an alternative to washing his body, wrapping it in a white sheet and saying a few respectful words over it in Arabic, before dumping him overboard.

Frankly, I think attempting to show respect to someone whose brains you’ve just recently splattered on a wall is, to put it mildly, an empty gesture. But I think it’s a perfect example of how misguided our war on terrorism has been. For the past decade, we have been walking on eggs where Muslims are concerned. Both Bush and Obama have displayed the attitude of a supplicant, speaking and acting like men who are far more concerned with public relations than with reality.

Whether the topic is Gitmo, some nutty minister in Florida with a book of matches or the proper way to dispose of a monster’s corpse, our pundits and presidents worry incessantly about how it’s perceived in the Arab/Muslim world. We might as well concern ourselves with how our actions are viewed by the inhabitants of the Bronx Zoo.

I say it’s high time that the Muslims start worrying about how they look to the civilized world. I don’t notice that they’re terribly interested with how normal people who live in the 21st century, as opposed to the eighth, regard their honor killings; their female mutilations; their stoning of rape victims; their burning of Old and New Testaments; their destruction of churches and massacre of Christians; their relentless missile attacks on Israel; their bombings of discos, subways and school buses; or their televised beheadings.

We keep hearing that most Muslims are peaceful people who mean us no harm. I’d like to believe it. I really would. But, right now, the only one I’m sure of is Osama bin Laden.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, May 7, 2011

Let the Revolution Begin

by BurtPrelutsky

It was the great George Orwell who observed, “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” I agree. That is why I have a problem with Republican politicians allowing Nancy Pelosi to get away with insisting that Republicans are looking to starve six million senior citizens to death when they insist that Obama and his loony left-wing enablers quit flushing American tax dollars down the toilet.

I realize that she is a major entity in her party, but when you show deference to an idiot, albeit one of the female variety, you don’t come off looking statesmanlike or even chivalrous, you just come across like a bunch of spineless wienies.

While Democrats never weary of portraying Republicans as heartless, it wouldn’t kill the Republicans to accuse ninnies like Barbara Boxer, Barney Frank, Henry Waxman, Anthony Weiner and Sheila Jackson Lee, of being brainless. There is certainly a ton of evidence to bear it out. Still, to be fair, with liberals, it’s hard to know where stupidity ends and evil begins.

I also find myself in line with Allen West who said, “When tolerance becomes a one-way street, it leads to cultural suicide.” Anyone who doubts the validity of that statement need only observe what is happening in America, where so many people subscribe to the insanity of multiculturalism that few of us are willing to speak the truth about Islam, about school-bus bombing Palestinians or about the dumber than dumb malefactors who comprise the Black Congressional Caucus.

It is the same sort of cowardice that allows special interest groups to demand that ballots be printed in about a hundred different languages here in California, that allows illegal aliens to collect welfare benefits and health care by the simple process of sneaking across our border, and encourages school textbooks to promote the Koran while Mohammed’s most fervent followers are murdering Christians and Jews every chance they get.

Speaking of the Koran, there’s no getting around the fact that Rev. Terry Jones is a damn fool, but that has little or nothing to do with his burning the only book that most Islamics have ever read. It’s simply a provable fact. Still, he had every right under the 1st Amendment to burn just about anything he chose to, including our flag. To suggest that he is the reason that the brutes in Afghanistan killed and beheaded people is to be as brain-dead as Mr. Jones. Islamics raped a CBS newswoman in Cairo. Islamics burned and hung the corpses of Americans from a bridge in Iraq. Islamics butchered a family of five, including two little children and one baby, in Israel. Islamics burn down Christian churches anywhere they find them. Islamics burn New and Old Testaments every day and twice on Sunday. None of that has a thing to do with the nutty minister down in Florida, and it is high time that everyone, including Harry Reid, Lindsey Graham and General Petraeus, quit lying about it.

A short time ago, I was watching The Factor and during the same hour got to see both Charles Rangel and Al Sharpton being treated like visiting royalty. The former is a member of Congress who was censured on about a dozen charges, including not paying his income taxes, and the latter is a racist who came to fame by slandering the NYPD. I sent a letter to Bill O’Reilly, suggesting that he refrain from turning his show into a halfway house for political malefactors. He didn’t post it. Perhaps it was just a little too pithy.

Speaking of O’Reilly, is it my imagination or has he decided that he needn’t allow his conservative guests to ever finish a sentence? It’s been a long time since I didn’t feel short-changed when Bernard Goldberg and Laura Ingraham were on. It’s even worse when Mary Katharine Ham appears because she is invariably cast opposite Juan (Yawn) Williams. Between motor-mouths O’Reilly and Williams, the poor woman rarely gets to open her yap. Perhaps in the future, they could just show an 8 x 10 glossy of her, and let Ms. Ham stay home.

In conclusion, let me just say that when the Jews allowed themselves to be labeled God’s chosen people, we clearly had no idea what we were letting themselves in for. Take our biblical homeland. Granted, Israel has a pleasant seacoast, but a nice view isn’t everything. Who would think God would see to it that Israel is the only country for hundreds of miles around not sitting on an ocean of oil? A wrathful god is one thing, but a practical joker is quite another.

When it comes to real estate, you always hear that the three most important things are location, location and location. Now I ask you, who in his right mind would settle in Israel? North Dakota would have been bad enough, but if they could make the desert bloom, I’m sure the Jews could have done something productive with the frozen tundra.

But imagine getting stuck in the Middle East. It’s exactly like buying your home
off the Internet and, after moving in, discovering that you’ve wound up between a crack house and an insane asylum.

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Thursday, May 5, 2011

Socialism (Is) for Dummies

by BurtPrelutsky

Proof that you don’’t have to live in New York or Hollywood to be a left-wing knothead was the decision by a Chicago high school to boycott a basketball tournament in Arizona because someone -- the principal perhaps -- opposed Arizona’s immigration policy. A policy, as we all know, that is the mirror image of federal law. Then, having shown the world what they think of those racists in Arizona, they went off to play an exhibition game in a country that serves as a role model for freedom-loving people everywhere…China!

Leftists like to think of themselves as clear-thinking realists who are sensitive to nuance and irony. In reality, they are like little children who regard fairy tales as non-fiction. For instance, they champion socialism even though the past hundred years have proven time and again that it doesn’t work in practice the way it does in theory. On the contrary, in every country where it has existed, it has inevitably led to loss of liberty, widespread poverty and mass murder on a scale that has no parallel in human history. Point out this obvious fact to a liberal, and once he gets done calling you a greedy, heartless, bloodthirsty reactionary, he’ll insist that we haven’t yet seen true socialism. Actually, we have, though. We’ve seen it in the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany, in China, Cambodia, North Korea and Cuba.

The reason that capitalism works and socialism doesn’t is because, unlike the former, the latter doesn’t factor in human nature. Most people want to compete -- whether it’s for status, glory or riches -- and they want for themselves and their children the opportunity to excel to the best of their ability.

What conservatives object to isn’t a level playing field, but a game in which they’re expected to take a dive, lest the lazy, the inept and the selfish, wind up feeling like losers.

Conservatives don’t even object to the redistribution of wealth. But they want to be in control of how much they distribute and to whom, and not leave those decisions in the hands of Washington weasels. It’s what conservatives, the most generous people in America, refer to as charity. As they see it, their hard-earned money should go to the elderly and the infirm, not to the young and able-bodied who regard themselves as entitled simply because of their race or country of origin. Just because some people wallow in self-pity, portraying themselves as victims of an oppressive society, doesn’t make it so. As I see it, they and their outlandish demands should be ignored or, better yet, ridiculed.

Which reminds me, it recently occurred to me why among my least favorite musical genres is the one known as the blues. It’s because the songs all reek of self-pity, which is one of the most nauseating of all human emotions.

Finally, the mass media spent an inordinate amount of time trying to force George W. Bush to fess up to his mistakes. But I notice that nobody ever asks that of Barack Obama. At long last, the reason dawned on me. If he ever got started, we’d have nobody to blame but ourselves, and who has the time?

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Monday, May 2, 2011

News Briefs

Burt Prelutskyby Burt Prelutsky

Like everyone else in the civilized world, I was delighted that Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals. But I must admit I regret it didn’t happen under George W. Bush’s watch. I just have this feeling that he would have given all the credit to the warriors who risked their lives carrying out the mission, and not kept the lion’s share for himself.

I am also disappointed if what I’ve read about bin Laden’s final send-off is true. Was the creep’s corpse actually washed, wrapped in a white sheet and had an Islamic prayer read over it before it was dropped into the sea? If I remember correctly, bin Laden played a major role in the murder of 3,000 Americans, forcing a number of them to leap from skyscrapers because their option was to be incinerated, and we’re giving him a respectful burial? If it had been up to me, I’d have wrapped his cremated remains in a pigskin and then had a midshipman punt him off the poop deck.

The good thing is that he will be incinerated for all eternity without the option of leaping off a tall building.

Moving on, more often than not, folks would do well to keep in mind that liberals only use their brains to keep their ears apart. For instance, have you heard that Democrats have come out in opposition to people having to show photo IDs if they wish to vote? Their contention is that it’s an affront to blacks, Hispanics, young people and even democracy, itself, although they carefully refrain from explaining the nature of the affront. Which, even I have to grant, is perfectly reasonable on their part; otherwise, they would have to explain how it is that democracy, even for blacks, Hispanics and young Americans, has so far survived such insidious things as drivers licenses’ and Homeland Security requirements at the airport.

Someone who used his brains for something other than a cranial buffer zone might actually wonder why anybody would think that driving to the mall or flying to Fresno should be taken more seriously than making certain that voting in our elections be a right limited to American citizens.

Finally, although I still enjoy listening to Donald Trump, especially when he’s taking on Obama, I’m afraid that after his embarrassing performance in Las Vegas, I can no longer consider him a viable GOP nominee in 2012. It’s not that I’m a goody two-shoes; I admit that I occasionally swear in private, but never in print. And if Trump is too dumb to recognize the chasm that exists between public and private speech, and the necessity for a Republican candidate to win the hearts and minds of evangelical voters, he’s simply too dumb to be president.

When people say that they don’t know why Trump kept dropping those “F” bombs in Vegas, I explain it’s because Trump was behaving like a typical liberal. Whenever left-wingers get together, they let their true feelings out, and that usually translates into opening their potty mouths. So it was that when Whoopi Goldberg and Billy Crystal appeared some years ago at the Radio Music City Hall for a Democratic event, they never thought twice about making a series of unfunny, off-color remarks playing off George Bush’s last name.

In similar fashion, when Barack Obama was hitting up San Francisco businessmen for campaign donations in 2008, he casually denigrated Southern and Midwestern Christians as those yokels who cling to their religion and their guns.

So it was that when Trump dropped the first obscenity on the crowd of Vegas drunks, whom he had generously and foolishly plied with free booze, it got such a resounding response, he got carried away. In this day and age, when modern technology almost lets people know what you’re thinking, let alone saying, you have to be a complete dunce to forget that your audience doesn’t consist of the 500 knuckleheads in the room, but everyone in the entire world with a radio, a TV or an Internet connection.

What Trump neglected to keep in mind is that it’s not Gospel, but merely the tagline for a tourism campaign, that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

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Me and the Rotarians

by BurtPrelutsky

These days, it’s rare that my conservative beliefs cause me any grief. As a rule, after all, my social interactions with liberals tend to be limited to tennis and poker games, where there’s little or no political chitchat.

That’s not to say it has always been the case. There was a relative whose insistence that Jimmy Carter was a modern-day saint drove a stake into our relationship. Then there was an acquaintance who kept insisting that he was a registered Independent, but who only bombarded me with jokes and puerile insults targeting right-wingers. When I finally got him to confess that the last time Mr. Independent had voted for a Republican was 1968, I washed my hands of him. Liberals who freely admit their sins are bad enough, but those who insist on wearing disguises are worse.

This is not to say that I exist in a liberal-free bubble. After all, I live in L.A., where illegal aliens probably out-number conservatives. Moreover, as I invariably respond to my email, I probably have more exchanges with liberals on a daily basis than most of my right-of-center colleagues have in a month.

But, just last week, I had direct confrontation with a number of liberals and, sad to say, they lived up to their reputation.

I had been invited to be a guest speaker at a Rotary Club lunch, held in the faculty lounge on the UCLA campus. Understand, I hold no grudge against the Rotarians. I happen to know a few of them personally and, without exception, they’re fine people, and the various Clubs around the world do a great deal to support worthy charities.

There was only one problem with my appearance, and I’m referring to my presentation and not my personal appearance, which, admittedly, leaves a great deal to be desired. Nobody had thought to mention that partisan politics were verboten at these monthly events, at least when it came to partisan conservative politics. Had I been warned, I’d have been happy to spend half an hour discussing my writing career, baseball or notables I have known and interviewed over the years.

Instead, I opened by explaining how I had gone from being a casual left-winger to being an avid ex-left-winger. Then I read a couple of my articles, the patriotic “The Flag and I,” and the partisan “Trying to Make Sense of Liberals.”

At that point, I asked for questions. Therein, I made my biggest mistake. First off, instead of posing a query, the lady who had delivered the invocation took me to task for not pointing out that most Muslims are good people, and that some of her best friends are followers of Islam. I opined that most Germans were not Nazis and most Russians were not Communists, but Americans hadn’t constantly been called upon to make that distinction. And just because most Muslims weren’t blowing up Israeli school buses and pizza parlors, and weren’t murdering American soldiers and pregnant women at Fort Hood and elsewhere, didn’t mean a heck of a lot of them didn’t favor bringing Sharia Law to America or that they hadn’t been contributing to terrorist organizations through Islamic charities until the FBI shut them down.

At that point, she stormed out.

Next, a man stood up to tell me he had been offended by my comments about liberals. When I asked him what was so great about liberalism, he began by saying they were for social justice. Before, he could pick up a full head of steam, I said that justice is justice, whereas ’social justice’ is code for one set of rules for the rich, another for the poor; one set for whites, another set for minorities; one set for straight men, another for women and gays. In short, I pointed out, it’s the opposite of actual justice. Before he could even reach the door, the president announced the meeting was over.

The next day, I received apologetic messages from a couple of conservative members who identified themselves as fans of mine.

One of them let me know that the group occasionally has guest speakers who discuss politics, including, a few months earlier, Leslie Marshall. “But, of course she’s a liberal, and, so, there had been no outbursts and no one walked out of the room.”

Well, we already know that conservatives are more courteous than liberals, and I suppose I should be grateful that nobody threw a pie, but merely a hissy fit.

The other fellow let me know that the group breaks down to roughly one-third conservatives, one-third liberals, and one-third apolitical.

Fine, I was wrong to assume I was addressing the choir. But, there were still two things that particularly annoyed me. One was that the conservatives in the audience were so cowed by the boorishness of their colleagues that they slunk out of the room, afraid to even offer me a polite smattering of applause. Which, I am willing to wager, was a first in Rotary history.

The other thing that ticked me off is that the two people who stormed out didn’t happen to be Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg. Otherwise, I’d probably have my own show on Fox by now.

I told the guys that, if it could be arranged, I would be happy to debate the issues with the fellow who had stalked out, just as Charlton Heston had once challenged anti-gun advocate Barbra Streisand, with ticket receipts going to any charity the club selected. I even offered to let the dunce team up with the woman who beat him out the door, although I acknowledged that would probably work to my advantage.

Finally, I guess, as my long-suffering wife has often been heard to say, you can’t take me anywhere.

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