Thursday, June 30, 2011

Is Barack Obama a Socialist?

by BurtPrelutsky

Answer: Does a bear do dooty in the woods?

The other day, I heard a conservative talk show host insist that, with the 2012 presidential election looming on the horizon, it would behoove Republicans to stop referring to Obama and his enablers in the House and Senate as socialists. Instead, he advised, we should focus on the fiscal policies that are leading the nation to the verge of bankruptcy. I, on the other hand, say if it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, and pushes a socialist agenda, it’s a socialist duck.

What was it but socialism when Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and their left-wing cohorts, insisted that no-down-payment home loans be made to folks with no money, a policy that inevitably led to our own financial catastrophe?

What was it but a socialistic agenda that has led federal and state legislatures to give public sector union members exorbitant salaries and pensions?

What else but socialism would you call constantly extending unemployment insurance? Who would ever have imagined that people would be receiving checks three years down the road?

What else would you call forcing schools, not parents, to feed children, and inviting 41 million Americans to collect food stamps, if not socialism?

What would you call spending tax dollars on Planned Parenthood, Public Broadcasting, the U.N. and the National Endowment for the Arts, along with billions of dollars more for climate research, farm and oil subsidies, and trillions in foreign aid to countries that hate us?

If something costs the federal government money and isn’t specified for in the Constitution, it’s a good bet that it is the result of socialists playing Lady Bountiful with our tax dollars.

The Democrats, ever since the halcyon days of FDR, have insisted that socialism is the cat’s pajamas, and that capitalism is only fit for greedy pigs. But they then close their eyes and bury their heads when Canada, England, Australia and France, elect conservative governments as the natural antidote to socialism. Furthermore, they ignore the spectacle of socialistic nations such as Greece and Ireland going, hat in hand like Oliver Twist, to ask their neighbors for more. Although in their case, it’s money they’re begging for, not gruel.

I keep hearing the teacher’s unions demanding that more money is needed for schools. The problem, as I see it, is that we’ve been squandering far too much on so-called public education for the past 50 years, and all we have to show for it are really ignorant students, who nevertheless glow with absurdly high self-esteem, and a lot of self-righteous teachers who are finding it harder and harder to keep a straight face when complaining about being underpaid.

It’s been decades since I attended public school, but I distinctly recall never having been in a class that had fewer than 30 students. I also recall that by the time we graduated from high school, we could all read, write and do math, well enough to get into the college of our choice.

So, perhaps the problem isn’t too little money, but too much. I say we cut school budgets by 25%. It may not result in smarter kids, but they could hardly be dumber, and it would save us a ton of dough.

We could save even more money if I could get everyone to go along with my plan to sell naming rights to our schools. Our sports facilities do it all the time. Why is it that every other school is named after some old dead guy named Roosevelt, Jefferson, Kennedy, Franklin, Lincoln and even McKinley, even though none of them ever coughed up a plugged nickel? Frankly, when you consider the state of public education these days, I doubt if any of them would consider it much of an honor to have their names associated with such places.

Anyway, isn’t it enough that cities, towns and even mountains, are already named after these same people? I say if it’s worth millions for corporations to have their names plastered all over football stadiums, basketball arenas and baseball parks, it should be worth a few bucks for corporations to use grammar schools, middle schools and high schools, for advertising purposes.

Heck, for enough moolah, even I would consider changing my own name to Greyhound, Southwest Airlines or even Yahoo.

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Monday, June 27, 2011

Confessions of a TV Propagandist

by BurtPrelutsky

Because I’ve just finished reading my friend, Ben Shapiro’s excellent new expose, Primetime Propaganda, I’m reminded how fortunate I am that during most of the time I was writing for television, I was a Democrat. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have had a TV career at all.

As Shapiro points out, TV has grown increasingly liberal over the past 50 years. Although he is only 27 years old, he has been diligent in his historical research. Moreover, because he is young, Jewish and wore his Harvard Law baseball cap when he interviewed the writers, producers and network executives, who have created the product and scheduled the programming over the years, they all assumed he was, like them, a devout leftist.

I suspect that even without the baseball cap, these limousine liberals would have probably assumed that, like everyone else who enters their well-insulated bubble, Shapiro idolized Barack Obama. Why else would they not have bothered checking out his credentials? After all, in spite of being a practicing attorney, Shapiro has written three previous books, all espousing his conservative values, and is a contributor to several right-wing blogs.

Even I, who personally know several of the makers and shakers in the industry, was shocked to read some of the things they had to say about conservatives. You would have thought they were discussing jihadists, except they are generally far more respectful when referring to the people who wish to behead us. It’s only when it comes to writers and actors with whom they have political differences, that they’re united in their desire to see them blacklisted or, better yet, dead.

The irony of course is that these are the same self-righteous characters who have carried on incessantly about the inequity of the industry’s having blacklisted Communists 60 years ago. Hypocrisy aside, there is a world of difference that is apparent to most normal, fair-minded people, between a conservative opposing ObamaCare and a Communist tithing 10% of his MGM salary to the Soviet Union, where Joseph Stalin was starving millions of Russians to death and assassinating his political rivals. Even the fact that Stalin had his boot on the neck of hundreds of millions of people who had the misfortune of living in Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and East Germany, was of no concern to the Hollywood lefties. It should be noted that these were the same folks who made Siberia, the hellish place to which Stalin exiled Jews and other nuisances, the tagline to a thousand benign jokes in a way they’d have never dared with Auschwitz or Buchenwald.

I was indeed fortunate that, thanks to having been born into a Russian-Jewish home, I was raised to believe the sun rose and set on FDR. Once something is virtually ingrained in your DNA, it’s hard to break free. In my case, it was the combination and contrast of Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan that ultimately did the trick. But in terms of my career, it’s lucky that I didn’t come to my senses any sooner than I did.

Even though the TV movies I wrote weren’t political, it probably wouldn’t have saved me from being ostracized. After reading Primetime Propaganda and discovering how very much Gene Reynolds, Allan Burns, Leonard Stern, Grant Tinker, Gary David Goldberg, James Brooks and Larry Gelbart, despised conservatives, I have to assume that I would never have had the opportunity to write episodes of McMillan & Wife, M*A*S*H, Mary Tyler Moore, Family Ties, Rhoda, The Governor & J.J. or Bob Newhart.

Oddly enough, I broke in during the late 60s, writing a bunch of Dragnet scripts for Jack Webb. The fact is I didn’t have to conceal my true feelings in order to write for the show that Shapiro ranks as the fifth most conservative series of all time. Even back then, I was pro-cops and pro-military. Somehow, in spite of my upbringing, I managed to be a registered Democrat without being a complete bonehead.

I now recall that a few minutes after my first Dragnet episode aired, an acquaintance, writer Harlan Ellison, phoned me. In lieu of “Hello,” he snarled, “I never knew you were a fascist!” Then, in typical left-wing fashion, he hung up. It’s very possible that was when my politics began evolving. It is, after all, a prime example of the sort of fair and open-minded discourse I’ve come to expect from liberals.

Although Shapiro quotes me a few times (pages 69, 77 and 244, for those discerning readers too cheap to spring for the book), he left out -- perhaps because I forgot to mention it -- the one time I encountered political blowback during my TV writing career.

In 1990, I foolishly turned 50. I say “foolishly” because if there’s one thing TV hates more than conservative writers, it’s aging ones. Liberals oppose bigotry and discrimination unless, of course, they’re the ones doing the discriminating.

My mood over the next several years ranged from bleak to suicidal as unemployment led inevitably to the sale of our condo, the cashing in of my life insurance and, finally, to bankruptcy. In 1999, though, through dumb luck and a series of quirky circumstances, I landed a spot on the writing staff of the Dick Van Dyke series, Diagnosis Murder.

The rest of the writing staff consisted of three male, left-wing, middle-aged yuppies. The producer had hired them back in June. By December, they decided they were working too hard and insisted that another writer be brought on board. What they didn’t know was that they were inviting a viper into their midst.

When they discovered that I was not only a Republican, but that I despised Bill Clinton and had every intention of doing whatever I could to keep Al Gore from succeeding him, they made me feel about as welcome as heat rash.

To be fairer to them than they were to me, their attacks consisted mainly of witless jibes and juvenile ridicule, mainly questioning the intelligence of anyone who would even consider voting for a conservative. For a while, it saddens me to admit, I took it because I really needed the paycheck.

Then one day, as if a huge light had been switched on, it occurred to me that they needed me. I worked harder and longer hours and, what’s more, wrote better than they did. That morning, taking the bit in my teeth, I interrupted their sophomoric prattle long enough to announce that the good times were over, and that they would have to either find a new target or grow up.

I explained as patiently as I could that I wasn’t opposed to bi-lingual education because I was a bigot, but because it holds Latino kids back academically and makes them hate school so much that they can’t wait to drop out. Which, as we all know, they do in record numbers.

I told the three brats that if I was in favor of capital punishment, it wasn’t because I was bloodthirsty -- or at least not just because I was bloodthirsty -- but because, as a conservative, I naturally empathize with the victim, not the murderer.

Furthermore, I went on, throwing down the gauntlet, if any or all of them wished to debate any issue under the sun, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Nobody accepted the challenge, but from that day on, the not-so-good-natured ribbing came to an end.

By the time the 2000 presidential election rolled around, we were all getting along just fine. They even gave me a pass when Bush defeated Gore. After all, by then they knew I was a lost cause. Instead, like sharks smelling blood in the water, two of them turned on the third. It seems the lunkhead made the fatal mistake of confessing that he’d voted for Ralph Nader.

I recall wondering at the time how he could have been so dumb as to admit he’d deserted Gore in his time of need. But no sooner was I trying to solve that mystery than a little voice in my head that sounded a lot like Jackie Mason was screaming: “How could he have been so dumb? Schmuck, he’s a liberal!”

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Obama Is an Unnatural Disaster

by BurtPrelutsky

Unlike hurricanes, cyclones, earthquakes, floods and tsunamis, Barack Obama is the one catastrophe that the environmental cuckoos can’t blame on global warming.

While I certainly understand why we conservatives regard the current administration as a plague of biblical proportions, I don’t know why liberals continue to adore Mr. Obama. I mean, even if you were a Democrat who believed that anyone would be better than John McCain, in much the same way that many of us felt George W. Bush was preferable to Gore and Kerry, I can’t fathom why so many Democrats continue to hold Obama in such high regard.

After all, ObamaCare isn’t just bad for Republicans; it’s bad for everyone. Costs and Constitutional concerns aside, when the inevitable shortage of doctors occurs, it’s not just conservatives who will be waiting weeks or months for an appointment.

If I had been silly enough to have voted for Obama in 2008, wouldn’t you expect me to be heartbroken that after all this time Gitmo is still open, jihadists will be tried by military tribunals and we have troops not only in Iraq and Afghanistan, but in Libya?

Speaking of which, wouldn’t you think that by now, the civilized world, such as it is, would know better than to interfere when Arabs and Muslims decide to kill each other? God knows they don’t often come up with a good idea, so when they finally hatch one, I feel it behooves Americans and Europeans to keep their big, fat noses out of it.

But, getting back to the topic at hand: As a Jewish Democrat, wouldn’t I be offended that Obama has sided with the so-called Palestinians on so many occasions, and has shown so much more respect and affection for Islam than for Christianity or Judaism, that many people suspect that he, himself, is a follower of Islam.

As an Hispanic Democrat, wouldn’t I be offended that after giving two-thirds of our votes to a Pro-Choice liberal, the only thing he’s done to show his appreciation is deliver a stupid, self-serving, patronizing speech involving moats and alligators in El Paso, Texas?

As an unemployed or underemployed Democrat, wouldn’t my nose be out of joint if, after squandering a trillion tax dollars on a stimulus plan he guaranteed would lower the unemployment rate to under 7%, it remained at 9% two-and-a-half years later?

As a Democrat in South Carolina or, for that matter, any other right-to-work state, why would I even consider voting for a guy whose hand-picked NLRB is trying to keep Boeing from building a plant in my state because Washington state’s labor bosses don’t want Boeing to serve as an example for other major companies? Because unions only care about dues and their own power, not about what’s good for America, they would prefer to see Boeing open a plant a few miles north in nearby Canada rather than provide jobs for Americans in Carolina. As for Boeing, I find it amazing they’ve stuck around this long when you realize that four strikes in the recent past have already cost the company nearly two billion dollars in lost revenue.

As a Democrat in Alaska, West Virginia or one of the Gulf states, why would I ever vote for a man who declared war on the coal and oil industries even before he moved into the Oval Office, and then carried through on his threats, thus not only costing me employment, but continuing our dependence on foreign, generally anti-American, energy producers?

Why, as a business owner, would I vote for a guy or a party that wants to raise my taxes, in part to pay the salaries of federal employees, the only segment of the American work force that’s continued growing -- 11,000 new jobs in the first quarter of 2011 -- in the years since Obama was elected?

As a colorblind Democrat who was promised a post-racial presidency, why would I support Obama and Eric Holder, who have done their best to mimic such race-baiters as Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson?

Why, as a democracy-loving Democrat who was promised transparency, but, instead, wound up with the most secretive and paranoiac administration since Richard Nixon held court, would I even consider voting for Obama?

So it is that even though the MSM, aka Obama’s propaganda machine, tries to portray him as invincible in 2012, I think they’re whistling past the graveyard. What far too many people have too quickly forgotten is that even before the midterm elections, Republicans, who were essentially running against the president, won major elections in Virginia, New Jersey and even in Massachusetts. Then, for good measure, the GOP picked up 60 seats in the House and a bunch in the Senate, delivering what even the president referred to as a shellacking.

On top of all that, in 2008, with Bush’s popularity plummeting like a rock, Obama still managed to trail John McCain, a white-haired version of Michael Dukakis, just six weeks before the election, which was when the economy tanked, thus handing victory to the ex-community organizer.

When you realize that the deficit is already four trillion dollars larger, that the unemployment rate is much worse and that food and gasoline prices are between 25% and 70% higher than they were when George and Laura vacated the premises, I’d say that in the survival sweepstakes, the snowball in Hell has a better shot than Barack Hussein Obama.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Democrats Should Come With Warning Labels

by BurtPrelutsky

No doubt a great number of people were confused when just a few days after he suggested that Israel should return to its 1967 borders and then treated Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for the second time in as many visits as if he were a plague carrier, the Jews at the AIPAC conference gave Obama a series of standing ovations.

Apparently it was enough for these buffoons that Obama had mentioned those indefensible borders in the same sentence as “swaps.” Although Obama has never suggested what it is that the Palestinians are supposed to swap in exchange for Israel’s committing geographical suicide -- a skate key, a couple of falafels, a Mickey Mantle rookie baseball card? -- it was enough that Obama pretended to be even-handed.

The more naïve that my fellow Jews are when it comes to Obama, the easier it is to understand why so many members of Germany’s Jewish community continued hanging around after Hitler’s rise to power and the tragic events of Kristalnacht.

In a way, it even helps explain why 78% of the Jewish vote went to Obama in 2008 and will very likely go to him in equal numbers, come 2012.

Speaking of elections, the Democrats, as you may have noticed, have celebrated non-stop the fact that Kathy Hochul won the special congressional election in upper state New York. They claim it’s a vindication of their left-wing agenda. What they don’t publicize is the inconvenient truth that while Hochul garnered 47% of the vote to Jane Corwin’s 43%, her margin of victory, 4,694 votes, would have vanished if 9,495 people in the district hadn’t been conned into voting for a jackass named Jack Davis.

Davis, who, in spite of having repeatedly run and lost as a Democrat in prior elections, this time around claimed to be the Tea Party candidate. The fact that this liberal in sheep’s clothing managed to pull off such a dopey scam, in spite of being denounced as a fraud by the Tea Party, points out the weakness inherent in democracy; namely, that all sorts of morons get to vote.

On the other hand, it should serve as a model for those Republicans gearing up for next year’s election in left-wing districts. All they have to do is get some guy to agree to run as a Greenie or an avowed Socialist, thus taking votes away from the Democrat, and making it possible for the conservative to win with 47% of the vote.

On the subject of elections, I’d like to congratulate the states that now demand that voters prove with legal documentation they are whom they claim to be. Predictably, the Democrats are screaming bloody murder, insisting that Blacks and young people are being unfairly targeted. What they neglect to explain is in what way it’s unfair, inasmuch as the same requirements already apply if you drive, fly, cash a check or purchase booze or cigarettes.

Leave it to liberals to suggest that preserving the sanctity of our election process is less important than buying a carton of smokes, a six-pack or flying to Bakersfield.

Finally, in case you missed the news, 20% of the recent ObamaCare waivers went to ritzy nightclubs, restaurants and hotels, in Nancy Pelosi’s San Francisco congressional district. Although Rep. Pelosi claims to know nothing about it, one can’t help being suspicious when you notice the way her nose has grown recently. Besides, with somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,400 waivers having been handed out to labor unions, large corporations, financial firms, local governments, the AARP and every other large group with close ties to Obama, these are the first waivers that have been granted to individual retail businesses.

I’m too much of a gentleman to call the House minority leader a lying little witch, but I am willing to give odds that Mrs. Pelosi will never have to pay for another steak, lobster or sloe gin fizz, and will some day take her place in the pantheon of other beloved San Franciscans, such as Barry Bonds, Sally Stanford and Harvey Milk.

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Monday, June 20, 2011

The Mass Media Is a Mess

by BurtPrelutsky

Recently, it occurred to me that liberals regard the federal government as a huge non-profit organization. It’s the same way that normal people look at the Red Cross or groups dedicated to eradicating dread diseases.

Those on the Left believe it’s up to the government to eliminate poverty by taking from the rich and giving to the poor. It’s known as the Robin Hood theory of economics.

Two questions leap to mind. The first is, why anyone would want to make the effort to become rich if his wealth is going to be confiscated through taxes and handed off to a mob of ne’er-do-wells? For the sake of the young and the stupid, I should explain that when the government does this sort of thing, it shouldn’t be regarded as charity, it’s coercion. It’s not compassion, it’s communism.

The second question is why, if liberals want to raise taxes on the wealthy in order to facilitate this redistribution, they themselves don’t simply make larger contributions to the IRS? Why don’t multi-millionaires like Soros, Kerry, Oprah, Schumer, Bloomberg, Spielberg, Buffet, Gates and the Clintons, pay more than the tax code requires, and why didn’t those scoundrels, Timothy Geithner and Charles Rangel, pay anything? For that matter, why doesn’t Joe Biden pay twice as much as he does? After all, he said paying taxes was a patriotic duty. Shouldn’t the Vice-President set us all an example by going above and beyond?

While we’re on the subject, why did the Obamas accept their IRS refund? They’re rolling in moolah, for crying out loud, and they don’t even order a pizza that we’re not paying for. And pizzas are the least of it. I just heard that Michelle and the kids, along with a cousin and Michelle’s mom, are all going off on an African safari that we’re financing. It’s supposed to be a learning experience for them, but what I’m learning about this crew is that they say all the right things and then turn around and do all the wrong ones. The country is in the throes of a financial collapse and this crowd is carrying on like the French royals just around the time that Dr. J.J. Guillotin was fine-tuning his clever invention.

Furthermore, if paying taxes is a virtue, why do all those liberals employ teams of CPAs and money managers to keep their tax liability to a minimum? And how the heck did Nancy Pelosi’s net worth increase between 2009 and 2010, by 62%, to $35.2 million?! Clearly, this woman knows something about economics that she’s not sharing with the rest of us.

An ongoing problem with liberals is that they invariably judge people and organizations by their stated good intentions. So it is that they defend an entity such as Planned Parenthood because it insists it is in the business of providing poor women with all manner of health care, including pre-natal, when everybody knows that it basically serves as the world’s biggest abortion mill.

Another group liberals adore is the U.N., a collection of thugs, creeps and freeloaders, that makes the Mafia, by comparison, look like a philanthropic society.

They are constantly defending public education, even though they send their own kids to private schools, and ballyhooing on behalf of the teachers unions because its members insist they’re devoted to the kids. But the fact remains that thousands of them played hooky and converged on Madison, Wisconsin, using phony medical excuses. Once there, they behaved very much like a lynch mob simply because the duly elected governor and legislature asked them to recognize that the gravy has to stop when the gravy train runs off the tracks.

I kept trying to picture one of these dedicated educators going back to the classroom and being asked by a fourth grader: “Well, how could they keep paying you guys all that money when everybody knows there is no money?”

Although all the candidates have behaved themselves very well during the early debates, although I suppose it could be argued that Tim Pawlenty behaved a little too well, they should all keep in mind that any insult they hurl at a primary opponent will likely wind up being used in an Obama attack ad in the general election. Loyalty to the party aside, aiding and abetting the enemy will definitely not enhance one’s own political future.

If I were Anthony Weiner, I would make it a point to avoid public functions for the next few years. The thing is, I recall a line with which an old comic regularly opened his act: “Good evening, ladies and genitals.” And, frankly, I don’t think, with Weiner in attendance, anyone, including his rabbi, could resist the temptation.

Speaking of lines, when it was reported to me a while back that Obama had talked about building a moat at the Mexican border and filling it with alligators, I swelled with pride. That had been a suggestion, after all, that I had made in an article back when Bush was still in office. But then, alas, I learned that Obama was merely making one of his infrequent jokes.

When conservatives attack the media, it’s generally regarding leftwing bias. But, recently, there arose a situation in which we also got to see examples of their overall incompetence and callousness.

It seems that a report went out that 30 bodies of dead children had been discovered buried on an isolated farm in Texas. Before you could say, “Check the source,” everyone was running with the horrific story.

I will confess that my initial reaction was skepticism. That’s probably because that’s always my initial reaction. But it’s also because I recalled an amusing story that was being passed around last year. The way it went, there was a guy who was serving time in prison for a bank robbery in which the money had never been recovered. Knowing that his mail and phone calls were being monitored by the FBI, the convict called his father, a poor farmer, and let him know that the loot was buried somewhere on the south 40. By the end of the week, the FBI hadn’t uncovered a plugged nickel, but the old man’s acreage was all plowed up and ready for Spring planting.

In this case, however, when the smoke had cleared and the tip to the cops was found to have come from a self-professed psychic, just about every news organization from CNN to Fox had egg on its face.

But perhaps the most telling remark came from a spokeswoman from Reuter’s who said -- and she might as well have been speaking for all of the MSM -- “I just had a sickening feeling when we discovered it was a hoax.”

Wouldn’t you have thought that a more appropriate comment would have been, “It was certainly embarrassing to be caught with our pants down, but thank God it was just a hoax and there weren’t 30 children dead and buried on that farm”?

And just in case you were wondering, the psychic in this case wasn’t, as rumor had it, Dick Morris.

Still, perhaps I’m asking the impossible of the news media. After all, this is the very same industry that dedicated all of its resources, up to and including the NY Times and the Washington Post asking its readers to sift through years worth of Sarah Palin’s official email, in the hope of finding something with which to ridicule a woman who’s had the unmitigated gall to be a mayor, a governor, a vice-presidential candidate, a Christian and, perhaps worst of all, give birth to a handicapped baby.

Just where the hell does Sarah Palin get off being a role model of courage, competence and decency?

And let’s face it -- if it weren’t for the constant media scrutiny, this woman might actually get away with it!

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Black Eye For Black Americans

by BurtPrelutsky

If it should come to pass that Herman Cain, who is over the age of 35, is a natural-born American and is twice as black as Barack Obama, wins the Republican nomination, it will be fascinating to see if any liberals -- black or white -- will be able to restrain themselves from calling him an Oreo or an Uncle Tom.

Herman Cain

Taken as a group, there are probably no more courageous or principled people in America than black conservatives. Whether your name is Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams, Shelby Steele, Ward Connerly, Allen West or Herman Cain, you know that nine out of 10 of your relatives regard you as something of a white sheep. You also know that, in spite of everything you believe, speak or write, nine out of 10 of your relatives will regularly go out and vote for the likes of Barbara Lee, Charles Rangel, Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee and Jesse Jackson, Jr.

What’s more, they will vote for any presidential candidate with a (D) after his or her name, and regard you as a traitor for not doing the same.

They will insist that you’re a lackey of the white man in spite of the fact that the biggest and worst plantation the world has ever seen is the party of Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Charles Schumer, Henry Waxman, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and John Kerry. Of course these plantation bosses don’t require bullwhips. They keep the slaves in line through the redistribution of wealth, otherwise known as bribes.

The other difference between the plantation overseers of the Confederacy and the modern-day Democrats is that while some of those in the old days suffered occasional pangs of conscience, the current ones never do. Instead, they take bows for being so racially tolerant, when the truth is that they are merely tolerant of black racism.

They are also tolerant of black underachievement. Thus, when a report comes out that 47% of Detroit’s black population is functionally illiterate, they don’t question themselves, the party that’s run Detroit for the past century, or the members of the teachers’ union, for that matter; instead, they insist on spending even more money to solve the problem of black illiteracy. They ignore the fact that Detroit already squanders $13,000-a-year-per-student, which is roughly $3,000-a-year above the national average.

On a related topic, I have long believed that the best thing to be said for the NFL is that it provides hundreds of guys with a way to get their hands on money without having to mug those of us who don’t weigh 280 pounds. In spite of the League’s sorry attempts to pass these thugs off as humanitarians and scholars, we had Michael Vick torturing and killing dogs; Adrian Peterson, earning millions of dollars and referring to himself as a modern-day slave; and, most recently, Rashard Mendenhall, yet another self-described slave making millions, who took Americans to task for celebrating Osama bin Laden’s death.

If I sound a tad bitter, it’s because I am. In this country, people like Jeremiah Wright and Wallace Charles Smith are regarded as black religious leaders; race hustlers like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are encouraged by the MSM to chastise white Americans; Attorney General Eric Holder refuses to prosecute black thugs for intimidating white voters; Barack Obama gets to take a shot at turning this country into a socialistic cesspool and nobody is allowed to call him on it without being labeled a racist; and hundreds of billions of tax dollars are funneled into black communities, where the illegitimate birth rate continues to far out-strip that of high school graduations.

But nobody is supposed to breathe a word of this, lest black Democrats get their feelings hurt.

I recently had an epiphany: The problem with tyrannies is that the people don’t get to vote; the problem with democracies is that they do.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, June 16, 2011

Fifth Columnists Everywhere I Look

by BurtPrelutsky

During the Spanish Civil War and, later, during World War II, there was a great deal of talk about fifth columnists. It was a reference to traitors, to those people in one’s own country who provided propaganda or even more overt assistance to the enemy. It does not, but might just as well, refer to the columnists for the New York Times.

I have no idea why the term has been retired. In the days of the big war, there were only a minority of German, Italian and Japanese-Americans, who were disloyal to the U.S., whereas today, motion picture and TV studios, editorial boardrooms, the halls of Congress and the Oval Office, are full of Americans who are actively working against the best interests of their country and who obviously regard the Constitution as a terrible waste of parchment.

When they’re not trying to redistribute our wealth, they’re busy redistributing their lies. For instance, it’s a tossup whether the mainstream media spends more time trying to convince us that Barack Obama is a genius or that Sarah Palin is an ignoramus. And perhaps she is, compared to Einstein, Newton and Stephen Hawking. But compared to Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Joy Behar, Katie Couric, Leslie Marshall and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz? Surely they jest.

If you want to know how hypocritical Hollywood is, you could read Ben Shapiro’s Primetime Propaganda and hear, in their own words, leading writer-producers and studio executives proudly boast about blacklisting conservatives. These are the same meatheads who still whine about card-carrying Communists who were temporarily blacklisted 60 years ago, but had to cough up $70 million in a class action lawsuit because they’ve taken part in a conspiracy to deprive older writers of employment.

But, as if that weren’t bad enough, there is their two-faced approach to the Second Amendment. We all know how much Hollywood hates guns, except, of course, when it comes to their movies and crime shows. However, when Charlton Heston became president of the NRA, he became an instant pariah in spite of the fact he had an Oscar on his mantel and had long-championed the Civil Rights movement.

What Hollywood’s top dogs, most of whom mirror Obama’s contempt for those who cling to their religion and their guns, don’t like to talk about is that their bodyguards are well-armed. Something else that they prefer to keep under wraps is that in the aftermath of the Charley Manson massacre of Sharon Tate and her friends, hundreds of them rushed out to buy guns and to register for lessons at the Beverly Hills Gun Club.

Hollywood liberals are not really opposed to gun ownership, you see. They just don’t want guns in the hands of conservatives. And if I were one of these fifth columnists, I guess I wouldn’t, either.

A lot of people keep insisting there’s really no difference between Democrats and Republicans. Which only goes to prove that a lot of stupid people like to listen to the sound of their own voices.

Aside from huge differences when it comes to such things as ObamaCare, trillion dollar pork barrel projects, global warming, the Israel-Arab conflict and the aforementioned Second Amendment, consider how the two parties deal with their own miscreants. Rep. Christopher Lee sends a photo of his naked chest to a dating site, and the GOP boots him out of Congress before he even has time to put on his shirt. But Anthony Weiner sends X-rated photos of himself to just about every woman in America, then lies about it for over a week and tries to get whistle-blower Andrew Breitbart lynched, and Nancy Pelosi hands it off to the House ethics committee. Frankly, I’m surprised that Pelosi didn’t ask the U.N. to make the call.

As I sit here, Weiner says he’s not going to resign, and his wife says he shouldn’t resign. Well, why should he? Barney Frank, whose boy friend was discovered to be running a homosexual call boy ring out of his condo, didn’t quit. Charles Rangel, whose criminal jacket ran nearly as long as Al Capone’s -- and also included not paying his income taxes -- is still around. And, lest we forget, Bill Clinton, who was guilty of perjury as well as sexual harassment, not only didn’t resign, but is now, according to polls, the most popular figure in American politics.

What’s more, about 56% of the people polled in Weiner’s liberal district, would vote to re-elect him. I’m not surprised. Democrats never care about the morals or integrity of their own candidates. That’s why they’re never reluctant to elect the shoddy likes of Rangel, Frank, Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Maxine Waters, John Kerry, Gary Hart or Robert Byrd.

Instead, they prefer to devote their time to letting us know that our candidates aren’t very bright or are too religious or too beholden to groups other than the private and public sector unions, criminal defense attorneys, welfare recipients and environmental jihadists.

At this time, nobody really knows who will be running against Obama, but I know a couple of slogans they could use. One would be: Barack Obama, the Only President Who Could Make You Long for Jimmy Carter. The other: Hope and Change We Can Really, Really, Really Believe In.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, June 13, 2011

The Commandments

Burt Prelutskyby Burt Prelutsky

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the 10 Commandments, and it strikes me that the hardest one to accept is the one about honoring one’s parents. This isn’t to malign my parents or yours, but merely to suggest that with a little sincere effort and a normal amount of will power, the other nine aren’t really that difficult to abide by.

So, while I understand that God isn’t saying we have to love or even like our parents, I still think it’s an unreasonable demand. Why should Stalin’s kids or Pol Pot’s kids or the offspring of any other mass murderer respect them? And what about the children of child abusers, rapists and serial killers? But God doesn’t offer any dispensations. He just insists that we honor our parents, no matter how evil and degenerate they are, even if they, themselves, ignore all the Commandments.

Charlton Heston as Moses

To me, this would suggest that God was having an off-day when He cobbled those tablets together, but God doesn’t have off-days. That’s why He’s God, and we’re not. God knows I have plenty of off-days, and, for all I know, you have off-months and even off-years.

But I think that I may have figured out the problem, and the problem is the number 10.

Years ago, when I was a film critic, come January, tradition demanded that I come up with a list of the past year’s 10 best movies. But “best” conveys some degree of excellence, and, quite honestly, there were some decades that couldn’t deliver the goods, let alone a single year. But, tradition was nothing to sniff at, so I’d come up with a list of the 10 Best that would generally break down to two or three moderately entertaining movies, a few that didn’t make your teeth ache, one or two that at least kept you awake to the end, and, inevitably, a couple that should have been tried at the World Court for crimes against humanity.

Anyway, that’s what I think happened with God when He sat down to chisel out the 10 Commandments. He started out with several sure winners. You can never go wrong banning murder, adultery, stealing and bearing false witness. Nobody, after all, likes a murdering, philandering, lying thief, although there are some who will cut the guy some slack so long as he’s a liberal politician.

Then, keeping His eye on the ball, He announced himself as the One and Only God, made sure that nobody used His name as an obscenity and drove the point home that He was boss by making sure that His day of rest would be everybody’s day of rest. Well, when it comes to taking days off, you never have to twist anyone’s arm and make him say “Uncle!”

He also banned false idols, but even God didn’t foresee rock & roll, NBA basketball and Barack Obama.

But by now, there’s no getting around the fact that he was losing a little off his fastball. He still had two Commandments to go. Even He knew that “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s” was a tad wordy. God knew He could have just written “Thou shall not covet” and be done with it, but He had space to fill.

But that still left one Commandment to go, and His mind was a blank. He laid down, He got up, He paced, He sharpened pencils, He doodled pictures of giraffes. After hours of racking His brain, all He had to show for it were crumpled up wads of paper in and around the heavenly wastepaper basket. Some of the rejects involved not honking your horn when driving through tunnels, not whining when you miss a putt, not hogging all the best appetizers at cocktail parties and the one that made even God chuckle when he jotted it down: Never speak ill of an ex-spouse or a former business partner.

Finally, it was getting late and there was still that empty space on the tablet, and, so, like every writer who has ever lived, God came up with something. It wasn’t perfect, God knew, but He saw to it that it had the right cadence, and that counts for a lot. He came up with “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

In the legal small print of the 10 Commandments, by the way, it is written that anyone who quibbles with any of the copyrighted material therein will find that his days upon the land will be extra long because he will not be coveted by manservant nor maidservant, and only occasionally by ox or by ass. In addition, he will be short of stature and bald of hair and be plagued, not with locusts and frogs, but by rheumatoid arthritis and a persistently aching back.

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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Conducting Guerrilla Warfare

by BurtPrelutsky

In America, where the major networks and some of the minor ones, together with most dailies and news magazines, along with 90% of the actors, writers and directors in Hollywood, are dedicated to disseminating left-wing propaganda, it is quite natural for those of us on the Right to feel like we’re waging war behind enemy lines.

Fortunately, we still have a major presence on talk radio and the Internet. In a way, it’s reminiscent of the bad old days when the Iron Curtain was in vogue and it took Radio Free Europe to boost the morale of those in Soviet-dominated countries like Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and East Germany, and let the oppressed people know they weren’t alone and forgotten.

Perhaps that’s why it saddens me when I see Fox News, in its attempt to be fair and balanced, provide so much face time to Alan Colmes, Leslie Marshall, Bob Beckel, Juan Williams, Alicia Menendez, Al Sharpton, Jon Stewart and Geraldo Rivera. There is, of course, the possibility that their constant presence serves to remind conservative viewers how dangerously deranged liberals are, but with the likes of Obama, Schumer, Biden, Reid, Pelosi, Waxman, Boxer and Eric Holder, constantly on the tube, how much more reminding do we really need?

Speaking for myself, all I require in the way of a reminder is to occasionally tune in NPR. Most recently, I heard some young bonehead doing a hatchet job on Governor Scott Walker. It seems that during his campaign, he promised to create 250,000 jobs in Wisconsin. The reporter jeered that he couldn’t possibly do it, and she then tracked down a few “experts” to confirm her belief. Heck, who doesn’t agree? I suspect even Governor Walker agrees. I mean, unless the governor hires 250,000 new bureaucrats, there’s no way that he could literally deliver on that promise.

What she and her experts failed to grasp, but that the voters of Wisconsin no doubt understood, is that the best that a government -- be it state or federal -- can do is to create an environment in which business can flourish. Contrary to Obama’s contention that a trillion dollar stimulus would lead to a kazillion shovel-ready jobs, jobs are only created when the politicians lower tax rates and stop trying to micromanage the economy by imposing absurd regulations dictated by loony environmentalists and stop taking their marching orders from public and private sector union bosses.

I suspect that is exactly what Governor Walker meant, and it explains why union thugs and every other left-wing lowlife within a thousand miles turned up in Madison a while back and did their best to thwart democracy, while simultaneously turning the capital into a pigpen.

At present, we have a situation in which Boeing is attempting to build a factory in South Carolina, a right-to-work state, and Obama’s flunkies on the National Labor Relations Board are trying to force the company to build it in the union-controlled state of Washington.

Come to think of it, does anyone ever recall a president, at least one since Lincoln, who has gone to war against the states the way Obama has? First he targeted Arizona over border control. Then there were the twenty-plus states that want to free themselves of ObamaCare. Next came those Gulf States he penalized with his ill-advised moratorium against offshore oil drilling. And now we have South Carolina getting a taste of Obama’s bullwhip.

When you stop and realize that the oath of office requires that the president swear to protect America from its enemies, foreign and domestic, it might explain why Obama got it garbled at his inauguration, and then had to take another stab at it behind closed doors. Even then, I’m betting the little devil had his fingers crossed.

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Thursday, June 9, 2011

News Briefs and Not Just Anthony Weiner’s

by BurtPrelutsky

I wonder how Democrats manage to keep track of their talking points when Obama keeps yakking out of both sides of his mouth.

For openers, he’s changed his tune from 2008 about shutting down Gitmo; raising the debt limit; getting us out of Afghanistan faster than you can say Afghanistan; a transparent and post-racial administration; military tribunals; and even the Patriot Act, for heaven’s sake. So, while some people suspect that Obama will dump Joe Biden in favor of Hillary Clinton in 2012, Obama’s people are rumored to have sent out feelers to George W. Bush.

One of the fascinating items in Obama’s speech in May regarding the Middle East and his recommendation that Israel withdraw to its 1967 borders, presumably as a necessary first step to disappearing entirely from the face of the earth, was his use of the word “swaps.” Political strategists and Talmudic scholars both here in America and in Israel have been scratching their heads, trying to figure out what the President thought the Palestinians might be willing to cough up in exchange for Israel’s agreeing to commit suicide. Among the guesses have been a skate key, a Mickey Mantle rookie baseball card, clippings from Yasser Arafat’s beard and Osama bin Laden’s collection of pornographic videos.

As we all know by now, Anthony Weiner wears gray jockey shorts. And while I usually wouldn’t want to be accused of piling on and kicking a guy when he’s down, I find the urge irresistible in the case of this arrogant putz who had assigned himself the role of hit man for Pelosi’s Democratic mob. However, by this time virtually everything rotten that could be said has been said, except for the fact that when I first saw the crotch shot seen around the world, I swear that my honest reaction was that it was much ado about very little. In fact, I was apparently the only person who saw the picture and was unaware that I was looking at a sexually aroused Weiner. When someone finally set me straight, so to speak, I was reminded that at the 1973 Academy Awards, a naked man streaked across the stage. The very droll David Niven, who was hosting the event, mused, “Just think, the only laugh that man will probably ever get is for stripping and showing off his shortcomings.”

But I will say that I was greatly relieved when, after a week and a half of lying, Weiner took total responsibility. After the way he and his left-wing henchmen went after Andrew Breitbart, I thought maybe he’d only take 37% or 22% or maybe even 8.6%.

Speaking, as we were, of appearances, am I the only person who thinks that when you see Barack Obama these days, looking even more dour than usual, with those ears jutting away from his head, his resemblance to an angry bat is downright spooky?

I recall a cover of Time magazine during the 2008 campaign in which Obama was decked out to look like FDR, a homburg on his head, a cigarette holder in his teeth. Being Time, it was naturally intended as a compliment. There are, after all, a lot of meatheads on the Left who still regard Roosevelt as godlike. To the rest of us, FDR was more a case of oh-my-god!

Like Roosevelt, Obama has been the beneficiary of what my friend Bernard Goldberg has aptly called the mass media’s slobbering love affair. The fact is, the courtiers of King Louis XV could take lessons in simpering, curtsying and bussing the royal bum, from the likes of Chris Matthews, Katie Couric, Joy Behar, David Letterman, Rachel Maddow, Maureen Dowd and Oprah Winfrey.

Still, there’s no denying there’s a strong connection between the 32nd president and the 44th. Like FDR, Obama inherited a terrible economy and then did everything humanly possible to make it worse. Also, like his predecessor, there’s nothing Obama loves more than the sound of his own voice. Another thing Obama shares with the man from Hyde Park is that he tends to treat America’s foes better than he treats our friends. In FDR’s case, he preferred Stalin to Churchill. In Obama’s, he prefers everyone to Netanyahu.

Finally, has anybody noticed that the same crowd who kept insisting that President Bush show us the flag-draped coffins of America’s warriors as they were brought home from war zones never demand the same of Obama? And how is it that the same media that never tired of showing jihadists being hazed at Abu Ghraib aren’t storming the White House, insisting that Americans have the right to see the photo of bin Laden’s bullet-riddled corpse?

On the other hand, it’s not fair for people to accuse the mass media of having no standards. On the contrary, they have double ones.

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Monday, June 6, 2011

Choosing Between RINOs and Libs

by BurtPrelutsky

For several weeks now, I’ve been involved in email debates with some of my fellow conservatives. They’ve been on my case ever since I pointed out that a Republican-lite is preferable to a Democrat. I swear, if this were the Middle Ages, they’d have me burned at the stake for heresy.

It’s their contention that it is better to vote for a third party candidate than for a Republican In Name Only (RINO). In response, I have pointed out that a third party candidate can’t win the presidency, and while wasting your vote on one can have the short term benefit of making you feel good about yourself, in the long term, you’re merely making it easier for the liberal to win the election. So while there’s nothing to prevent a conservative casting his vote in 2012 for a Libertarian or a Constitutionalist, in reality he’d be helping to re-elect a left-wing radical named Obama.

Speaking of Obama, some people, most notably Bill O’Reilly, have wondered why, after the firestorm over his close ties to an America-bashing racist like Rev. Jeremiah Wright, he and his family would attend Easter Sunday services at the Shiloh Baptist Church, listening to an America-bashing racist named Rev. Wallace Charles Smith. Frankly, I always believed that “birds of a feather flock together” covered all such questions.

In any case, I hoped that if I wrote down my reasoning, I might be able to put an end to the barrage of conservative hate email. To begin with, if a true conservative can’t win GOP primaries, what makes anyone think he can win a general election when, unfortunately, tens of millions of Democrats are allowed to vote?

If you accept that the liberal candidate in a presidential election, no matter how vile he is, can count on receiving 45% of the votes cast, a third party conservative would have to essentially run the table, garnering virtually every Independent and Republican vote if he’s to have any chance of winning. Inasmuch as the reason that most people register as Independents in the first place is because they shy away from those they regard as representing the extremes in either party, this scenario strikes me as highly unlikely.

Furthermore, registered Republicans are the reason that RINOS get elected in the first place. If that weren’t the case, people like Bob Dole, John McCain and the two Bushes, wouldn’t consistently carry the GOP standard in presidential elections.

What I have come to believe is that a lot of conservatives don’t really want to elect a president, but, rather, wish to install a dictator. They want someone who will get rid of all those annoying federal departments, bureaucrats and even those pesky checks and balances. For good measure, they’d like Sir Boss to make the Federal Reserve Bank disappear, along with the Supreme Court and just maybe daylight-saving time. While he’s at it, they’d appreciate it if he brought back doubleheaders, 25 cent-a-gallon gas and Tom & Jerry cartoons. The reason I suspect that’s true of many conservatives is because it’s true of me.

However, without a dictator at the helm, those things simply won’t get done. As you may have noticed, even Obama, who had huge majorities in the House and Senate, couldn’t get all of the goofy and scary items on his loony agenda enacted.

So, while I can certainly understand and even share a great deal of the frustration of those who have no use for RINOS, me or even reality, for that matter, it seems clear that threatening to sit out presidential elections simply because the Republican candidate doesn’t possess all the various attributes and convictions of Ronald Reagan, Ron Paul, Barry Goldwater, Abe Lincoln, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, is not only antithetical to pro-American conservative principles, but as childish as pinning all of one’s hopes on Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

Finally, one thing that virtually all of the people who have taken me to task have mentioned is that they want a strict Constitutionalist sitting in the Oval Office. If it’s not specifically mentioned in the Constitution, they’re against it. When they bother to get specific, they mention federal dollars for schools, Planned Parenthood, ObamaCare and the NEA. What I couldn’t help noticing were the items never mentioned, not in their email and not in the Constitution, such as Medicaid, Medicare and unemployment insurance.

A few of them swell themselves up like bantam roosters by quoting Thomas Jefferson about the blood of Tyrants and Patriots occasionally being required to water the tree of Liberty. If you took them seriously, you’d actually have to believe they’re planning an armed insurrection, sitting home oiling their muskets, deciding whether to first target their liberal next-door neighbors or the family of RINOS living on the corner.

It would be much easier to picture all this if you didn’t know that these are the same folks who get very upset if their Social Security check arrives a day late.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, June 4, 2011

My Condolences to Democrats

by BurtPrelutsky

I know that sometimes I come off as a hard-nosed, cold-hearted cynic, with nary a compassionate bone in my body. While it’s not entirely a well-honed act, there are those occasions -- rare as they may be -- when even I am moved by the plight of others.

For instance, there are times when I can’t help thinking how difficult it must be to go through life as a liberal. Assuming they haven’t undergone a lobotomy or experienced extensive shock therapy sessions, how do they get through even a single day? Are they all partaking of psychotherapy? If so, even I can’t help empathizing. I can see the poor boob stretched out on the couch, venerable old Dr. Kochenlocher seated behind him, taking notes and occasionally muttering a venerable “hmmm,” as the poor broken creature rambles on, giving vent to his conscious mind, his subconscious mind and his unconscious mind. At these prices, nobody wants to risk getting short-changed.

“Dr. Kochenlocher, it all began like a wonderful dream. Here was this young Lochinvar with his message of hope and change, and he had such audacity! But once he became president, everything seemed to change. He promised transparency, but he kept secrets. Not little things like his birth certificate, his college application and his grades, either, but even the contents of his legislation. We were told we’d have 72 hours to ruminate about pending bills, and then, suddenly, we were told that they’d have to be passed before we’d find out what was in them. Isn’t that like having to buy a car before you even get to see it? Like a trillion dollar car?” “Hmmm.”

“He said he’d end all wars, but then started a new one. He also said he would lower the oceans, but even I knew he was kidding about that. He was kidding about that, wasn’t he, Doc? He also promised amnesty for illegal aliens, but he soon showed he was no Ronald Reagan when it came to amnesty. He swore he’d shut down Gitmo and give all the inmates speedy civilian trials, but (sob) he was just saying those things because he knew how much I wanted to hear them. And now…now I feel so cheap.”

At this point, the good doctor hands the guy one of his monogrammed tissues and says, “Get a grip. You still love his smile, don’t you? Come on…you know you do. You still love the way he reads from a Teleprompter as if he’s searching for just the right word, and that cute little way he has…of breaking up…his sentences when…he gives a…speech. Don’t ask for the moon, you little dummkopf, you’ve got the star. That’ll be $200. Make the check out to the DNC.”

“Oh, Dr. Kochenlocher, I keep forgetting to ask; how do you really feel about ObamaCare?”

“Don’t get me started!”

Of course we conservatives can scoff. We haven’t suffered the shattering of our child-like illusions. We never bought Obama’s promises of bi-partisanship and racial harmony. Instead, because we had paid attention to his questionable friends and mentors, his voting record in the Illinois legislature and the U.S. Senate, his connection to a racist church, his anti-oil-and-coal energy policy, and his insistence on a redistribution of wealth, we suspected that millions of American voters had simply been placed in a trance. At least that was the kindest explanation. After all, the only other reason for anyone to have been shocked to find that a radical leftist with racist tendencies had been elected president was stupidity of a degree unparalleled in human history, or at least going as far back as the unveiling of the Edsel.

I have actually heard people, including some on the Right, spring to Obama’s defense, insisting that, after all is said and done, he’s a fine husband and a wonderful father. Being neither his wife nor one of his children, I can’t comment. The family makes for a nice Christmas card, especially when they bring in the dog for the photo op, but I can’t pretend to know what their personal life is like. Heck, I don’t even know if Obama’s mother-in-law is still hanging around the White House. If the First Family served as an inspiration so that we saw a lowering of the 70% illegitimate birth rate that plagues the black community, I’d say it was a good thing. But nothing thus far suggests that’s the case.

When it comes to presidents, it’s their policies I care about. All the rest is well- produced publicity pap. In most cases, it’s only years later that we find out that FDR and Eisenhower carried on with their female aides; that Jack Kennedy carried on with anything that breathed; that Mrs. Nixon, Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Carter, had drug and/or booze-related problems; and that Jimmy Carter and daughter Amy apparently treated their Secret Service agents with less respect than Simon Cowell displays towards those pathetic wannabes who bomb on his shows.

Speaking of pathetic wannabes brings us back to Barack Obama. Whatever one might say about Herbert Hoover, at a time when the nation was suffering through a financial meltdown, when millions of people were losing their jobs and their homes, we didn’t see the Hoovers hopping on $150,000-an-hour jets and flying off on exotic vacations and hobnobbing with every half-baked celebrity in the universe. And for all you nitpickers out there, it wasn’t just because jet planes hadn’t been invented yet. It was because for all his possible shortcomings as the nation’s chief executive, Mr. Hoover was a decent man and had a clear sense of what was appropriate to the office.

Instead, we had Obama coming on TV to show us a birth certificate. And didn’t he sound annoyed and downright peeved, as if we had been the ones hiding it, along with college applications, college grades and medical records, for all this time!

In no uncertain terms, he scolded us: “We do not have time for silliness. I do not have time for silliness.”

Well, I should say not. Not so long as there are golf balls to hit, basketballs to shoot and fists to bump with sports and show biz millionaires.

“And while we’re on the subject,” he might have gone on, “don’t waste my valuable time with those other silly things like unemployment, gasoline prices, chaos in the Middle East, a nuclear Iran and a $14 trillion deficit. In case you don’t know it, I’m an important dude and I have a plane to catch. Oprah’s waiting for me and my old lady in Chicago, some big money guys have a check with my name on it in New York, and thanks to my having to spend time here, proving that I’m constitutionally eligible to be the Wizard of Oz, I mean President, I’ll probably only be able to squeeze in nine holes this afternoon.”

And somewhere in this great land of ours, a poor soul is making a phone call: “Hello? Dr. Kochenlocher…”

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Shooting From the Hip

by BurtPrelutsky

When I recently gave a thumbs-up to Donald Trump, I heard from a lot of conservatives who were eager to tell me why that was a bad idea and why I was a dumb bunny. Frankly, I didn’t take their complaints to heart. For one thing, a lot of the things they said sounded like stuff they’d read at the Huffington Post or heard at MSNBC. In other words, the same derogatory crap the liberal dunces trumpet about Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Paul Ryan, Scott Walker and any other Republican who attracts a following.

I’m not saying that Trump has the same conservative credentials that these other people do or that he was even the horse I was betting on. But he is at this point the only potential candidate who seems to have the brass appendages to take on Barack Obama without worrying about what either the New York Times or the NAACP says about him.

Donald Trump

What I do know is that I will vote in the California primary for any Republican who will at least state that he or she is willing to acknowledge and engage with America’s two most vile and dangerous enemies, Islamics and those on the Left.

Speaking of Trump, I don’t go along with his notion of confiscating Iraq’s oil fields, unless, of course, Iran comes in and fills the vacuum once we pull out, but I do know that I’d price our wheat and corn sales to the Arab nations at the exact same price that OPEC prices our oil.

As much as I despise Obama and his cronies on Capital Hill, I fear that I don’t entirely trust Republicans. That’s not to say that I don’t prefer Republicans. They, after all, at least seem to take the $14 trillion deficit seriously.

My problem with Republicans is that once they get to Washington, human nature kicks in. For openers, no matter how grateful they may be to the folks back home who elected them, they suddenly realize that it’s not the voters who determine which committee assignments they’ll get or how much financial help they can expect from the RNC when their next election rolls around. In Washington, as in most places, people tend to go along in order to get along.

So, while I will vote for anyone who opposes Obama in 2012, I won’t actually expect that a Republican president will get rid of the Departments of Agriculture, Commerce, Health and Human Resources or even Education. That’s because most Republican politicians aren’t really opposed to big government, they’re merely opposed to Democrats running it. Were it otherwise, it would contradict human nature to such a degree, the shock would probably knock the earth off its axis. It’s the rare individual, after all, who desires a tinier staff, a smaller salary, a dinkier office, and less power and influence, than his predecessor.

That is yet another reason why I favor term limits for all politicians. If a president can only serve two terms, why should a John Kerry, a Charley Rangel or a Henry Waxman, be allowed to grow old and increasingly self-important on the job? Let’s face it, if being a senator or a congressman required special skills or even a triple digit IQ, none of those nitwits would have the job.

Speaking of nitwits, I assume you have all had ample opportunity to see Obama chastising the Texas TV reporter for, as he put it, not allowing him to finish answering a question. Last year, he admonished Bret Baier for the same offense. Talk about chutzpah! You can see him thinking, “Why can’t I just say off with his head and be done with it? Who came up with all these damn checks and balances?”

For openers, considering that in two short years Obama has seen the unemployment rate rise, the national deficit soar by four trillion dollars and the price of gasoline double, he’s clearly in no position to tell anyone how to do his job. For another, this creep insists on allotting reporters a very few minutes of his time, and then insists on wasting those minutes giving canned speeches instead of answering direct questions.

On the other hand, he’s never too busy to have his royal bottom bussed by David Letterman or the ladies on The View, and will spend days jetting around the country attending $35,000-a-plate dinners, so that deep-pocket liberals can listen to partisan pep talks and pony up millions for his re-election campaign.

While we’re on the subject, if he’s going to use the presidential jet for these cash-raising junkets, I don’t want him using my tax dollars to pay for the fuel.

Now, in my constant effort to be fair and balanced, I’ll share a few thoughts about Miller Time on The Factor. While I marvel at Dennis Miller’s ability to access and string together arcane pop culture references, they aren’t all that amusing. Also, until O’Reilly recently broke the news, I had no idea that Miller’s memsahib greeting, with which he regularly opens his segment, was supposed to be an homage to Johnny Carson’s Carnac the Magnificent. If it’s really intended to be a tribute to Carson, I would suggest Miller drop it in favor of a golf swing or a pencil flip, which wouldn’t be nearly as cornball. My wife Yvonne, ever the problem solver, has suggested that if he’s going to keep doing it, he should at least wear a turban.

Also, when O’Reilly says something just slightly amusing, Miller would be well-advised not to pretend he finds it side-splittingly funny. We folks at home heard the same line and we didn’t immediately assume that O’Reilly was channeling Henny Youngman or Jackie Mason.

A clear sign that Miller is only feigning laughter is that as soon as he regains control, he starts searching for an elusive eyelash. In poker, that’s referred to as a tell. And if Miller did it in an actual poker game, he would lose his shirt and not merely his credibility.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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