Monday, August 29, 2011

Oh, No, Obama!

by BurtPrelutsky

Recently, in my morning email, I received a fake quiz. It consisted of 10 quotes and I was being asked to figure out which of the quotes should be attributed to Sarah Palin, Dan Quayle, Barack Obama or George W. Bush. It wasn’t hard to guess that Obama was the source for all 10. The joke, of course, was that, according to liberals, Palin, Quayle and Bush, are all dunces, whereas Obama has been widely praised by nincompoops in the media for his brilliance and eloquence.

So, now, with no further ado, I take great delight in presenting the brilliant, eloquent and charismatic, Barack Obama:

“Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

“I‘ve now been in 57 states, I think, one left to go.”

“On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes, and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

“What they’ll say is, ‘Well it costs too much money,’ but you know what? It would cost, about…It, it, it would cost about the same as what we would spend. It. Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it costs us. (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to. It, it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about, hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though. I’m glad.”

“The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies, to our health care system.”

“I bowled a 129. It’s like, it was like the Special Olympics or something.”

“Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago to some of the most difficult questions of our time.”

“Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.”

“It was interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of I don’t know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing.”

“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

Now, being a fair-minded person, I will be the first to admit that over the years, I have on occasion found my mouth working somewhat independently of my brain. But, unlike Barack Obama, nobody has ever suggested that any of my speeches have rivaled the Gettysburg Address or the Sermon on the Mount, and nobody in the mainstream media has ever even reported that, when extemporizing, he not only says goofier things than Joe Biden, he says goofier things than Abbott and Costello.

This is the same marvelous spellbinder who, while reading a speech, repeatedly pronounced “Marine Corps” Marine Corpse. Can you imagine what Chris Matthews, Bill Maher and the feature writers at the NY Times, would have made of that verbal faux pas if it had been uttered by Palin, Bachmann or their favorite human piñata, George W. Bush?

Instead of insisting that Obama is Daniel Webster, William Jennings Bryan and Marc Antony, all wrapped up in one golden-tongued orator, liberals would be better off giving a standing ovation to his eloquent, brilliant and charismatic, Teleprompter.

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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Role Models (Only Blacks Need Apply)

by BurtPrelutsky

Recently, someone asked me who my role models were when I was a kid. Having been a baseball fan all my life and a fairly precocious reader (The Grapes of Wrath at age 11), the names I came up with were Ted Williams, Stan Musial, John Steinbeck, William Saroyan, and Humphrey Bogart.

For someone born in Chicago in 1940, but raised in L.A. from the age of six, it wasn't a particularly unusual list, consisting, as it did, of a couple of baseball greats, two very successful California-based writers, and a movie actor who personified cool. What I now find interesting about my list is that not one of those named was Jewish.

It should be stated that none of my friends would have mentioned our dads in this context. A dad, in our neighborhood at least, did not hit home runs or write best sellers. But he was our idea of what a grown up man was supposed to be like, except maybe a little bit thinner and with a lot more hair. Dads were honest, a little bit strict, and definitely someone we didn't want to piss off.

I'm not suggesting I hadn't heard of any admirable, high-profile Jews. I was very much aware of boxing great Benny Leonard, football legend Sid Luckman, Hall of Famer Hank Greenberg, and any number of show business luminaries, including John Garfield, Jack Benny, George Burns, Artie Shaw, and Eddie G. Robinson. (I even knew what their original names were!) Understand, I liked them all, but, for me, they didn't represent the very top echelon.

All of my friends, Jewish and gentile alike, were the same. In order for someone to be a sports hero or a pop culture icon, they only had to be great; they didn't have to be Jewish or Catholic or anything, for that matter, but splendid.

When I was a kid, for instance, there was only one real boxing champion, and that was Joe Louis. We may not have paraded, as blacks did in Harlem, when he knocked out Billy Conn or Tony Galento, but we all rooted for the Brown Bomber.

And maybe to Italian-American kids, Joe DiMaggio may have been extra special, but that didn't stop the rest of us from wanting to grow up to patrol centerfield the exact same, graceful, way the Yankee Clipper did.

So, how is it that black kids can only have other blacks as their role models?

Even when I was a youngster, I would hear that the likes of George Washington Carver, Ralph Bunche and Marian Anderson, were credits to their race, and I would wonder why they weren't simply a credit to the human race. I mean, I never heard anyone suggest that Michelangelo or Shakespeare or Bach or even Stan Musial, for that matter, was a credit to the white race. Granted, Italy, England, Germany and St. Louis, may have taken particular pride in them, but that didn't prevent the rest of us from hailing their talent. Why is it then that blacks only seem to recognize the achievements of other blacks?

I know for a fact that millions of walls in the bedrooms of white American teenagers are adorned with posters of black athletes, rappers and hip hoppers. I suspect, and am willing to wager, that there is not a comparable number of walls in black homes covered with posters of white or even Hispanic athletes, movie stars and musicians.

Let's face it: back in the days when the only things O.J. Simpson was knifing through were defensive lines, his posters were to be found in more bedrooms than Warren Beatty, Wilt Chamberlin and Hugh Hefner, put together. O.J. was then supplanted by the omnipresent Michael Jordan.

My question is twofold: One, why should it be that in a society that, ideally, is supposed to be colorblind, black kids are encouraged to take notice of human accomplishment only when it's done by people who share their pigmentation?

And, two: How long will black America turn a blind eye on the sad fact that with a staggering illegitimacy rate of 70%, the only black male role models most of these kids have are those Nike ads taped to their walls?

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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Slaughtering the Left’s Sacred Cows

by BurtPrelutsky

One of the great mysteries of our age is how it is that those on the Left, who aren’t even on speaking terms with logic and rationality, continue to regard themselves as the intellectual elite. But, then, how is it that America’s youth, who can barely read, write or add 5 and 6 without removing their shoes and socks, lead the world when it comes to self-esteem?

I assume that whatever the answer is, it also explains why liberals continue to feel tingles running up their legs whenever they hear Obama’s voice, even when he’s lying about his mother’s illness or his grandfather’s military service.

Neither are they troubled when Obama spends months on the links and gallivanting around the world rounding up campaign contributions and then, sounding like a dyspeptic school marm, chastises Republicans for not doing their homework.

Like the Queen of Hearts insisting that her words mean whatever she wants them to mean, Al Gore goes from issuing hourly bulletins about global warming to jabbering about something called climate change, as if the two were one and the same. In similar fashion, Obama disguises the word “tax” by occasionally referring to “fees” or even “revenue.” It makes one wonder if George H.W. Bush would have been re-elected in 1992 if only he’d said, “Read my lips…no new fees.” Perhaps the voters would have assumed that he was merely addressing the folks who run country clubs.

Once a person strays into the wilderness of a liberal’s brain, the chances are that if the snakes and spiders don’t get him, the quicksand will. For instance, it used to drive me nuts when those on the Left would attack the Second Amendment. I could never figure out why they seemed to feel it was unsportsmanlike for Americans to be able to defend themselves against armed criminals. I now wonder why it is that the same people who are constantly crusading against tobacco, trans-fats, salt and sugar, have made it their mission in life to promote Islam and homosexuality.

Here in California, it’s been a few years since the libs saw to it that textbooks and class projects reflected their admiration of all things Islamic. Now, as you’ve probably heard, the state legislature has seen to it that future textbooks will advance the homosexual agenda. What’s more, neither teachers nor students will be permitted to question it. And these are the same folks who condemn Catholics for accepting the infallibility of the Pope! There is no dogma quite as strict as that which emanates from the Left.

To liberals, the First Amendment only guarantees free speech to themselves, while they elect to interpret freedom of religion to mean freedom from religion.

Another oddity of the liberal mindset, both here and in Europe, is that it favors the Palestinians in its conflict with Israel. In spite of Israel’s being a western-style democracy, with equal rights for women and its own Arab population, left-wingers display their true anti-Jewish bigotry by siding with the Hamas-led Palestinians.

A recent poll reported that 73% of the Palestinians want the Jews annihilated. I’m assuming that the remaining 27% merely wish to see them enslaved.

When I was young and first heard that people get the leaders they deserve, I assumed it was a reference to such tyrants as Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini. Being older and, I hope, wiser, I now realize it also includes the duly-elected likes of John Dingell (56 years in the House), Daniel Inouye (48 years in the Senate), Max Baucus (4 years in the House, 33 in the Senate), George Miller (36 in the House), Patrick Leahy (37 in the Senate), Pete Stark (38 in the House), Henry Waxman (36 in the House) and John McCain (4 in the House, 28 in the Senate).

Which reminds me, back in 1953, the NAACP waged a campaign against CBS and the Blatz Brewing Company. The purpose of the proposed boycott was to get “Amos ‘n’ Andy” knocked off the tube because, the pinheads complained, it portrayed blacks in a stereotypical fashion. The network and the beer company caved, and just like that, black cast members Spencer Williams, Amanda Randolph, Johnny Lee, Nick Stewart and the marvelous Tim Moore, joined the ranks of the unemployed.

Yet, here it is, 58 years later, and you don’t hear the NAACP griping about such embarrassing stereotypes as Maxine Waters, Bobby Rich, Barbara Lee, James Clyburn, Melvin Watt, Jesse Jackson, Jr. or Sheila Jackson Lee, serving for decades in the House of Representatives.

If, as I’ve heard, a nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves, I think it’s fair to say that a nation of black sheep breeds a government of really ignorant, self-serving, wolves.

Before I forget, I should share a study that suggested just how foolish Obama has been in pandering to the radical environmentalists and their greening of America. It seems that it would require 14 square miles of solar paneling to generate as much energy as to be found in the underground storage tanks in a single gas station. Or, in other words, to equal the energy available in just six neighborhood gas stations, every single square inch of Los Angeles would have to be covered in solar panels. And that, as we all know, is a totally absurd proposition because virtually every square inch of L.A. is already covered in freeways.

Finally, some wag suggested that if, today, Dorothy found herself surrounded by those with no hearts, no brains and no courage, she wouldn’t be in Oz, she’d be in Congress.

Furthermore, I dare say her little dog Toto would be running things in the Oval Office.

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Monday, August 22, 2011

They Don’t Seem All That Gay

by BurtPrelutsky

There are certain topics about which I write that inevitably trigger predictable responses. If I write, say, a defense of Israel, I know I will be called one of three or four obscenities by anti-Semites. If I write a piece bemoaning the fact that 80% of Jewish Americans invariably vote for left-wingers, I can expect to be vilified, not as a conservative, but as a self-hating Jew. If I write disparagingly about Obama, a certain number of readers, taking their lead from Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, will condemn me as a racist, and if I write anything in opposition to same-sex marriages, I’m pilloried as a homophobe.

So, naturally, when I wrote and posted “Gays and Grays,” it stood to reason that I’d receive some angry email. What I hadn’t anticipated was that I’d receive a piece of snail mail that would contain a couple of pro-gay propaganda pieces and a third article downloaded from a gay website called Good As You, written by someone named Jeremy Hooper, taking me to task.

The envelope had no return name or address on it, so I couldn’t respond to the anonymous sender. And as the website didn’t entertain comments, I will have to take this opportunity to address Mr. Hooper.

In the article, portions of my original piece were re-printed so that Hooper’s gay readership would understand that I was a bad guy, even though in my article I had written, “I don’t happen to think that homosexuals are bad people.”

Apparently the part that most upset Mr. Hooper was the sentence that read: “What I do find annoying about a great many homosexuals is their insistence on identifying themselves solely on the basis of their sexual activities,” even though the paragraph continued, “To be fair, I have an equal intolerance with heterosexual men whose identity seems to be totally wrapped up in their sexual activities and whose conversation consists of bragging about their conquests. It just strikes me as adolescent.”

My critic also quoted the following three sentences: “As for Gay Pride parades, I can hardly imagine anything goofier. What is it that they’re so proud of? Is it that their sexual activity will never lead to the birth of a baby, but only, tragically, on occasion, to a dreadful disease?”

To tell you the truth, I thought my article was temperate and even sympathetic. But inasmuch as Mr. Hooper and his secret admirer wish to take me on, so be it.

If I am to be taken to task for suggesting that what unites gays is solely their sex lives, they will have to come up with a logical alternative. What else are we to make of their silly parades? In what else are they displaying their pride? It’s certainly not their nation, their religion, not even their personal accomplishments. It’s not like the Irish showing the green on St. Patrick’s Day or a VFW company offering a tribute to their fallen comrades on Memorial Day. The only unifying aspect of a Gay Pride parade is based on the sexual acts they perform together.

Finally, how is it that they ever came up with that childish insult, “homophobe”? It’s bad enough that they are so arrogant that they can seriously insist that anyone who opposes same-sex marriages is suffering from an irrational fear, which is the definition of a phobia, but what are we to make of the first part of the word? After all, for years we have been lectured that the “H” word is an obscenity, every bit as offensive as the “N” word, and yet here they are tossing it around like a beach ball at Dodger Stadium.

Frankly, I’m a little surprised they didn’t go all the way and come up with “queerophobe” or “fagophobe.”

That way, even in denouncing the label as a lie, they could claim we were using vile language to insult them.

I guess the nice thing about being a member of a minority in America is that you can assume the moral high ground even when you’re wading in a swamp.

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Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Writers Guild and Me

by BurtPrelutsky

Thanks to Jack Webb’s inviting me to write for Dragnet, I became a proud member of the WGA back in the late 60s, but the honeymoon came to an unseemly end at a strike meeting a few years later. Because the Guild had decided to try dividing the opposition by allowing independent production companies to keep their doors open during the strike, so long as they agreed to abide retroactively by the final contract, I, who was then employed by Talent Associates, found myself in the odd position of crossing a picket line in the morning and leaving my office to carry a picket sign from 3-4 in the afternoon.
Harry Morgan and Burt’s first TV boss, Jack Webb
At the strike meeting, someone had suggested that because a number of us would be gainfully employed for the duration of the work stoppage, we should have to kick in an additional 3% to the strike fund. That seemed fair to me, so I raised my hand along with just about everyone else.

Then another writer suggested that because the networks would be using re-runs in order to keep product on the air, the same 3% levy should be placed on residual payments. That seemed an equally fair notion. This time, however, when I raised my hand, I found I was one of very few.

That was my initial wake-up call. The second occurred during a strike meeting in the 80s, when our negotiating committee reported that we had come to terms on DVDs. We were agreeing to accept 1.2% of producer’s gross. Oh, and by the way, it would pertain only to movies produced after 1971.

When I saw Julius Epstein trudging up the aisle, it dawned on me that the Guild had just screwed him out of Casablanca, not to mention dozens of other Warner Brothers classics of the 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s, that he’d co-scripted with his late brother, Phil.

Why, I wondered, hadn’t the Guild settled for, say, just 1% of producers gross, but insisted that the deal cover every movie going back to The Great Train Robbery?

The answer, of course, was that once again the members of the Guild had decided to cannibalize its own. After all, most of the members wrote TV, not movies. And even among those who wrote screenplays, most of them hadn’t even been in the Guild prior to 1971.

The next time the Guild showed its true colors, which mainly consist of various shades of yellow, I was a member of the Board of Directors. I was in the final few months of my second two-year term when a couple of lawyers showed up at a Board meeting. They were seeking a donation for legal expenses, along with a request that we lend our moral support by signing an amicus curiae brief.

The case involved an art gallery exhibition of Robert Mapplethorpe’s pornographic efforts. Mapplethorpe, in case his name doesn’t register, was a homosexual photographer whose artistic vision required full-frontal nudity of pre-pubescent children.

When the director of Cincinnati’s Contemporary Arts Center displayed the traveling exhibit, Mapplethorpe’s “The Perfect Moment,” the city shut it down. (Predictably, the exhibit was funded with American tax dollars, courtesy of the National Endowment of the Arts.) That, in turn, led to the lawyers coming west, hat in hand.

Because the Board of Directors was authorized to spend up to $5,000 of Guild funds without requiring a vote of the membership, we were often approached by lawyers involved in censorship cases. Needless to say, they usually got it. Just like the politicians in Washington, we found it not only easy, but morally uplifting, to spend other people’s money.

Sen. Jesse Helms (R, S.C.) had already gone on record to state that he found Mapplethorpe’s work reprehensible, and urging that no additional tax dollars be allocated to the NEA.

Although, over the previous few years, I had gotten along well with most of my fellow Board members, who included David Rintels, Carl Gottlieb, Hal Kantor, George Kirgo, Ollie Crawford and Jean Butler, I was aware that I was definitely in the minority when I rose to voice my objections.

I argued that, one, Mapplethorpe was a pornographer; two that in a country with well over 250 million people, no “artist” should have to be supported with tax dollars. If people didn’t wish to buy what you were selling, it wasn’t a subsidy you needed, it was vocational guidance. And, three, that we had a fiduciary responsibility not to squander the money of our fellow WGA members in such a morally questionable manner, and that, furthermore, community standards trumped what a bunch of Hollywood writers 2,000 miles away thought.

I was prepared to be out-voted. After all, a fair number of my fellow Board members had been blacklisted in the 50s and still believed that this gave them a moral authority denied to mere mortals. But I guess I wasn’t prepared to be out-voted 18-1. I also wasn’t prepared for the way they reacted. Initially, it was shock and dismay that someone in their midst was agreeing with a reactionary Southern senator, but it soon became clear that they refused to even pay attention to what I was saying. They had that quickly decided that if Sen, Helms was on one side of the issue, they had no option but to be on the other side. At one point, during my brief remarks, I recall feeling like Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, wondering if I should drop a heavy book on the floor to get their attention, just to make sure they still had faces.

In the intervening years, I have taken very little part in Guild activities. But that doesn’t mean that the Guild hasn’t continued to annoy me.

For one thing, there are the constant homages offered up to the victims of the Hollywood blacklist. What’s fascinating about the adoration of the handful of writers who were sent underground for a few years 60 years ago is that if those who were despised as squealers, condemned for naming names, people like Elia Kazan, Larry Parks, Lee J. Cobb, Robert Taylor and Budd Schulberg, had been ratting out fascists instead of communists, Hollywood’s liberals would have hailed them as patriots and erected statues in their honor at the corner of Hollywood and Vine.

What’s ironic and pathetic is that the very same people who utter the names of Dalton Trumbo, Albert Maltz, John Howard Lawson and the rest of the Hollywood 10 with the same reverence that some people extend to Jesus and his disciples, not only choose to ignore the blacklisting of older scriptwriters and directors, but make it a practice, as reported in Ben Shapiro’s Primetime Propaganda, to bad-mouth their conservative colleagues every chance they get.

It is no accident, after all, that the WGA’s slick monthly, Written By, has never published an article about the decade-long ageism class action lawsuit that culminated earlier this year in a $70 million settlement by studios, networks and agencies, just as there will never be an article about the widespread practice of blacklisting those on the Right.

The dirty little secret of the Writers Guild is that those who are most responsible for blacklisting over the past six decades are its very own writer-producer members.

Recently, I sent an email to Richard Stayton, editor of Written By, to point out that in a recent issue of the monthly there had been 26 photos of members, and not one of them was over the age of 50. When taken together with the fact that nothing had ever been written about the ageism suit, I suggested that this displayed an obvious bias against older writers.

Inasmuch as writing scripts, unlike, say, playing centerfield for the Yankees, doesn’t require young eyes or young legs, it suggested that even after the lawsuit, nothing had changed in terms of employment or perception of veteran writers. I felt that the magazine should devote at least some of its attention to a problem that affects a large number of its current members and will, God willing, eventually plague them all.

It seemed a better use of the magazine than devoting yet another article to some thirty-year-old who insisted, with a straight face, that it was his passion that led him to write Nightmare on Elm Street: The Blight That Wouldn’t Die, Part XXIV, and not his mortgage.

Within the hour, Stayton informed me that my letter would not run.

Frankly, I wasn’t too surprised to find that if you’re 71, you can’t even get a letter published by the WGA.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Obama and the Muslim Question

by BurtPrelutsky

A while back, a friend who’s convinced that Barack Obama is a Muslim sent me an email in which he informed me that followers of Islam must refrain from wearing jewelry during Ramadan, which runs through August this year, and that Obama hasn’t worn his watch or his wedding ring since the start of the holiday.

I wrote back to say that I don’t know where or when Muslims are allowed to wear jewelry and that I tend not to notice jewelry, no matter who is or isn’t wearing it, unless it’s a guy in a poker game wearing a pinky ring. In which case, I cash in and go home.

The fact is, I wouldn’t care if Obama was a Muslim if he weren’t such an arrogant, lazy, snotty, lying socialist. So far as I can tell, he doesn’t prostrate himself and pray to Mecca five times a day, and I can’t quite picture him turning up his nose at a bacon cheeseburger. It’s all the things he does do that make him such a pain in the butt.

For instance, it’s his constantly laying the blame on George Bush, a man who’s grown in stature since leaving the White House by not carping about his successor. It’s his surrounding himself in the past with such creeps as Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, David Axelrod, Rahm Emanuel and Tony Rezko, and in the present with the likes of Van Jones, Harry Reid, Valerie Jarrett, Nancy Pelosi, Richard Trumka and George Soros. Road kill attracts a better crowd.

He’s a guy who demonizes Republicans and the Tea Party movement for the state of the economy while he conducts campaign fund-raisers, treats Paul McCartney and Tom Hanks to expensive dinners on our dime and spends more time on the links than Phil Mickelson. For good measure, lest we haven’t caught on to his overall contempt for the American taxpayer, he sends the family off on a sight-seeing tour in Africa that runs us $800,000.

The guy squanders trillions of dollars, sending the nation ever deeper into debt, and then not only decides the solution is to raise taxes and squander more, but gets a cheap laugh at a time when the actual unemployment or under-employment rate is hovering over 15%, by saying, “I guess shovel-ready wasn’t as shovel-ready as we expected.” Not exactly Henny Youngman, but apparently amusing enough to get a guffaw from the fellow sitting next to him at the time, his job czar, G.E.’s Jeffrey Immelt. I guess when Obama brays against corporate jet owners, he doesn’t have to look too far to find one.

Something else that makes Obama so loathsome are his constant attacks on “millionaires and billionaires.” There’s no denying that class and race warfare are straight out of every playbook ever devised by Marx, Lenin, Alinsky or Cloward and Piven, but it’s particularly disgusting when offered up by a shmuck who hosts birthday parties for himself with seats going for almost $40,000-a-pop, when he gets Wall Street to cough up tens of millions for his re-election and when his closest friend, the aforementioned Mr. Immelt, runs a company that made $15 billion last year and didn’t pay a nickel in income tax!

Finally, one of the reasons my friend is convinced that Obama is a Muslim, aside from his spirited defense of the Ground Zero Mosque, is the way he has lavished praise on the religion of Allah, but never the religions of Abraham or Jesus Christ, along with the speech he delivered in Cairo, Egypt, back in June, 2009. With a perfectly straight face, he actually said, “Throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality.”

Obama has also insisted that the Muslims played a major role in the founding of America, which led some of us to wonder how it is that Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, Adams and Hamilton, never once mentioned the nation’s enormous debt to Allah.

While taking every opportunity to condemn Americans who merely oppose his loony fiscal policies or ObamaCare, this Chicago cockroach brown-noses those who burn Bibles, desecrate churches, murder Christians and vow to exterminate Jews.

Let’s face it, if Islam had its way, we’d all either be dead or spending most of our time bowing to Mecca.

Does all of this mean that Obama is a Muslim? No way. Does it mean that after he loses next year’s election, his next gig could be as spokesman for the Council on American-Islamic Relations. Way!

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, August 15, 2011

Assessing the Asses

by BurtPrelutsky

I don’t believe it’s an accident that the symbol of conservatives is the mighty elephant, the animal that represents strength, loyalty and wisdom, whereas the symbol of liberals is the donkey, the beast that best represents stupidity and stubbornness.

Of course, if the Democrats ever decide to trade the donkey in for a more modern look, they need look no further than the big-eared creature braying in the Oval Office.

Recently, a friend sent me a few quotes from Obama’s two books, quotes which make his victory in 2008 all the more amazing and depressing.

For instance, in “Dreams From My Father,” he or Bill Ayers wrote: “I ceased to advertise my mother’s race at the age of 12 or 13, when I began to suspect that by doing so I was ingratiating myself to whites.”

Or how about: “I found a solace in nursing a pervasive sense of grievance and animosity against my mother’s race”?

The scam artist who insisted he would preside over the first post-racial presidency also shared the following thoughts: “It remained necessary to prove which side you were on, to show your loyalty to the black masses, to strike out and name names” and “I never emulate white men and brown men whose fates didn’t speak to my own. It was into my father’s image, the black man, son of Africa, that I’d packed all the attributes I sought in myself: the attributes of Martin and Malcolm, DuBois and Mandela.”

In “Audacity of Hope,” a line he cribbed from a sermon by Jeremiah Wright, he wrote: “I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.”

No mention of the fact that since 1979, when Jimmy Carter allowed the Ayatollah Khomeini to set up shop in Iran, it’s been the Muslims who have been responsible for nearly all the ugly political winds that have blown through lower Manhattan and nearly every other part of the world.

Those of us who believed that the Casey Anthony jury provided us with the strongest indictment of our legal system since O.J. Simpson’s jury last convened may have to reconsider our conviction that such matters are best left to judges. It seems that in Tacoma, Washington, a judge, who allowed a convicted child molester to serve as his own attorney, has concluded that he has no option but to permit the freak to review and review and review the evidence in the case, even though most of the evidence consists of scores of child porn videos that the pervert shot of his young victims.

Even though most of those on the Left are eager to write off religious believers as narrow-minded, ignorant and superstitious, that hasn’t been my experience. Although I am not religious, I’ve never seen any reason to ridicule those who are or to pretend that I’m therefore their intellectual superior simply because I happen to lack their faith. From my perspective, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and most other believers -- at least here in America -- seem to have adopted a live-and-let-live policy.

The only real close-minded fanatics I’m aware of are Muslims and atheistic zealots, and, frankly, I don’t see that they’re contributing greatly to the advancement of civilization. What’s more, they are the two most intolerant groups on the planet. Those in the first group are happy to kill all non-Muslims, not to mention Muslims belonging to a different sect. Those in the second group, for all their anti-religious rhetoric, worship at the feet of left-wing politicians, put their faith in the likes of Barack Obama and Al Gore and, while crusading against everything they regard as unhealthy, which includes such things as salt, trans-fats, tobacco and even circumcision, are actively engaged in promoting the homosexual, bi-sexual and transgender, life styles.

I suppose we should all be grateful that only one of the two groups subscribes to suicide bombings and beheadings. At least so far.

Finally, I think it’s high time we stopped accusing progressives of drinking the Kool-Aid. I understand it’s a reference to the 909 sheep-like followers of cult leader Jim Jones, who, at his insistence, killed themselves by drinking Kool-Aid laced with cyanide back in 1978.

For one thing, these fools on the Left are not committing suicide; rather, like their Socialist cronies in Greece and other parts of Europe, they’re destroying our nation’s economy, one entitlement at a time.

Instead of Kool-Aid, what American liberals are actually imbibing is something akin to bathtub gin, the wood alcohol derivative so prevalent during Prohibition. Before eventually killing off those with a taste for rotgut, it made them drunk, then blind and finally crazy.

That, so far as I can see, is pretty much the road to perdition as served up by left-wing bartenders Karl Marx, Saul Alinsky and Barack Obama.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, August 13, 2011

Par for the Coarse

by BurtPrelutsky

In London and other English cities, young black savages have been wreaking such havoc that even Prime Minister David Cameron, who is generally as genteel as Queen Victoria, has referred to them as “scum.”

It figured that once England’s riffraff showed the world what they were made of, America’s own would step up to the challenge. The fact is, if there were an Olympics where young louts could compete for medals in such events as car-burning, looting and beating up innocent people, our own black thugs would consistently bring home the gold.

Their defenders on the loony Left would insist that society is to blame. If only, the defense goes, Martin Luther King hadn’t been shot, if only Rodney King hadn’t been beaten up, if only the L.A. Lakers hadn’t won or lost a championship game, we wouldn’t have rioting in our streets. Or, more recently, if only Wisconsin hadn’t had a state fair, and if only Philadelphia didn’t have department stores!

The one thing that the enablers in and out of the media won’t suggest is that it’s an entitlement culture that leads these swine to assume it’s their birthright to have what other people only manage to achieve through getting an education, working hard and saving their money. Here and on the other side of the Atlantic, we have raised millions of young people who are so full of themselves that they see no more reason than Prince Charles why they should go out and earn a living.

There are even those who insist that these mob riots are political action, the underclass striking back at their oppressors. What makes it such a tough pill to swallow is that it’s the “oppressors” who provide the ungrateful nincompoops with housing, clothing and food stamps. Besides, there’s an easy way to tell the difference between rioting and revolution. In the latter case, they toss the tea into the harbor. In the former, they take it home, along with silver tea services, ipods and plasma TVs.

Predictably, white liberals busy themselves coming up with excuses for the vandals who have been raised, for the most part, by single, never-married mothers, and who tell one another that cracking a book or getting an education is “acting white.” For good measure, the punks have been assured by left-wing teachers and politicians that they are the innocent victims of white bigotry.

You can never expect the likes of Barack Obama, Charles Rangel, Al Sharpton, Oprah Winfrey, Jesse Jackson, Maxine Waters, Eric Holder, Jeremiah Wright, Marc Lamont Hill and Sheila Jackson Lee, to speak the truth to their fellow blacks. They never will. That’s because their moral authority and influence is conditional on their defending the dregs of black society. These are the same scumbags who used to pretend that Ebonics was an actual language, who defend cop killers, who never place the responsibility where it belongs, and who demand that billions of extorted dollars be funneled into the cesspools euphemistically referred to as America’s inner cities.

Liberal politicians point to the fact that blacks are more likely to go to prison than to college, and they blame that on white people. No doubt Whitey is also to blame for the drug trade and the illegitimacy rate that plague black neighborhoods.

But in the midst of all this self-serving bullshit, there is one black man who is as fed up as I am. I am referring to Mr. Michael Nutter (above right), the black mayor of Philadelphia. He took the pulpit on a recent Sunday at the Mount Carmel Baptist Church to deliver a stinging sermon that is long overdue. For those of us who have grown accustomed to only seeing the likes of Jeremiah Wright or presidential hopefuls such as Al Gore, Ted Kennedy or John Kerry, in such settings, it was almost a religious experience.

What set off the Mayor were a series of flash mob attacks that had taken place in his city.. Flash mobs, as they have come to be known, are mini-riots in which, through texting and tweeting, black youngsters come together at a specific time and place in order to vandalize, terrorize and brutalize, white people.

On this particular Sunday, a visibly angry Mayor Nutter addressed the congregation: “You’ve damaged yourself, you’ve damaged another person, you’ve damaged your peers and, quite honestly, you’ve damaged your own race. If you want anybody else to respect you and not be afraid when they see you walking down the street, then leave the innocent people who are walking down the street, minding their own damn business, alone.”

He went on: “Take those God darn hoodies down, especially in the summer. Pull your pants up and buy a belt because no one wants to see your underwear or the crack of your butt. Nobody! If you walk into somebody’s office with your hair uncombed and a pick in the back, and your shoes untied, and your pants half down, tattoos up and down your arms and on your neck, and you wonder why somebody won’t hire you? They don’t hire you because you look like you’re crazy.”

He also took the occasion to unload on the adults: “The Immaculate Conception of our Lord Jesus Christ took place a long time ago, and it didn’t happen here in Philadelphia. So, every one of these kids has two parents who were around and participating at the time. They need to be around now. Parents who neglect their children, who don’t know where they are, who don’t know what they’re doing, who don’t know who they’re hanging out with, you’re going to find yourself spending some quality time with your kids in jail.”

Generally when someone steps up to the plate like that, one immediately thinks the guy should be in Congress or even the White House, but I think Mayor Nutter is exactly where he’s meant to be.

And Philadelphia is all the better for it.

But I find it oddly ironic that whereas America’s political and cultural landscape is chockful of nutters, Mayor Nutter is a rare and precious exception.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Arguing the Case for Assassination

by BurtPrelutsky

Assassination has unfortunately gotten a bad rap in this country, not because it is immoral or even impractical, but because our own victims have, for the most part, been popular figures, such as Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King and the Kennedys, Jack and Bobby. But I say it’s time to reassess the practice.

There seems to be a gentleman’s agreement not to whack someone else’s national leader, and if I were a president, prime minister, emperor, king or run-of-the-mill despot, I could certainly see the attraction of such an arrangement. But, as I’m not, I think it’s a pretty lousy policy.

For instance, why shouldn’t we try to find an efficient way to remove Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the imams who, thanks to Jimmy Carter, run Iran? After all, we know, based on the 2009 uprising in Tehran, that these are not universally beloved figures. We also know, as Churchill prophesized about Nazi Germany, that a future war, possibly of the nuclear variety, with Iran is inevitable. Wouldn’t it be worth killing a handful of Iranian tyrants today than risk the lives of untold thousands at some time in the future?

Besides, in spite of all the high-minded claptrap about assassination being a terribly unenlightened alternative to diplomacy, it seems pretty obvious that England, France and the U.S., have been trying to blow Gaddafi to Kingdom Come for the past several months. They’re just not doing a very good job of it.

Although it was apparently the Taliban who knocked off Ahmed Wali Karzai, Hamid Karzai’s half-brother, I’m sure that Eric Holder is scared stiff that the gun used in the assassination will be traced back to yet another ATF “Fast and Furious” snafu.

Holder’s enabler, Barack Obama, is boasting that during the last quarter, even as our unemployment numbers continued to soar, he managed to raise a shocking $86 million for his political war chest. No wonder the goofus-in-chief is so confident that the economy has turned around. For my part, I think that anyone who kicked in to Obama’s slush fund should be ashamed of himself, and should, like Hester Prynne, be branded with a scarlet “S” for schmuck.

What I have come to understand about Democrats is that they’re pack animals. It explains why, in spite of all objective evidence, they remain convinced that Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are a pair of dumb bunnies, and Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer are regular little Einsteins.

It also explains why they don’t raise any serious objections to anything the alpha dog does. So, whereas they had conniption fits when George W. Bush misspoke, they didn’t even wince when Obama mentioned our 57 states, and they thought it was downright adorable when he repeatedly referred to the Marine Corpse.

When Bush passed the Patriot Act, sent terrorists off to Gitmo and increased the national debt, Democrats insisted he was a loose, fascistic, cannon. However, when Obama extends the Patriot Act, keeps Gitmo open and sends the national debt soaring off the charts, they somehow conclude he belongs on Mt. Rushmore.

Perhaps we should all have realized how deranged Obama was when he claimed that, thanks to his charisma, America would once again be the most respected nation on the face of the earth.

Once elected, he mainly displayed his grasp of foreign policy by bowing and scraping. The world hadn’t seen such an obvious pretense of humility in decades, at least going back to Roland Young’s Uriah Heep in David Copperfield.

As Obama toured the globe, he seemed to take delight in denigrating America’s decency and generosity, while berating us for a few real and a great many imaginary faults. In the years since, he has insulted such allies as England, Poland and Israel, while bending his knee to any number of tyrants. Along the way, he broke the astonishing news that Muslims played a major role in the creation of the United States.

He has gone so far overboard in playing up to our sworn enemies that millions of Americans are now convinced he’s a Muslim. I don’t happen to share that belief. Judging by the ministers he is drawn to -- racists such as Jeremiah Wright and Wallace Charles Smith -- I believe that, like Jesse Jackson, Van Jones, Eric Holder and Al Sharpton, he is simply a garden variety black bigot.

Moreover, the irony of his constant curtsying to the Arab and Muslim world is that recent polls show that America is disliked even more vehemently in the Middle East in 2011 than it was in 2008.

Speaking of Allah’s faithful, the one thing that all the uprisings that have taken place over the past several months in Syria, Egypt, Yemen and Libya, prove is that these people are quite capable of staging massive demonstrations once they put their mind to it. And that’s even when other people are using them for target practice!

I bring this up because, post 9/11, whenever I pointed out that I never saw a single instance either in America or anywhere else of peace-loving Muslims demonstrating against Islamic terrorists, I was scolded by liberal loons. They kept insisting that most Muslims were wonderful people who simply feared for their lives if they showed their true feelings.

Am I the only person who finds it odd that the folks demonstrating in the streets of Cairo, Lebanon and Tripoli, apparently think they have less to fear than their relatives living in Dearborn, Michigan?.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, August 8, 2011

Mourning in America

by BurtPrelutsky

We have often heard that the devil is in the details. But these days, I’m afraid he’s in the Oval Office. Who else would have run on the promise to radically transform America? Who else would have thought that America, of all places, required a radical transformation?

If a normal human being were asked which countries could use an overhaul, he wouldn’t be thinking of the United States. Would he mention Russia and Venezuela? No doubt. Would he have China, Yemen and North Korea, on the short list? Absolutely. How about Saudi Arabia, Syria, Cuba and Iran? Indubitably.

On the other hand, it’s actually the one promise Obama has kept. But, who else but he and Satan would even suggest that a nation created by such giants as Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, Madison and Adams, had to wait 232 years for a leftwing community organizer to fix what wasn’t broken?

And when this arrogant pipsqueak chastises the Republicans in Congress for doing nothing about the debt crisis when they’re the ones who presented and voted for Paul Ryan’s budget plan months ago while this schmuck has been off golfing and fund-raising, does he really believe we take his words seriously? Great men, it’s said, speak truth to power; Obama speaks power to truth.

As most of you know by now, the California legislature has not only mandated that school textbooks will devote a great deal of space to ballyhooing the contributions homosexuals have made to society, but mandated that no disparaging words will be included either in the books or in classroom discussions.

I would say that, along with the notable contributions that homosexuals have made to Broadway, Hollywood and the world of interior decorating, one of the most astonishing is the way their well-oiled propaganda machine has succeeded in stifling anything like honest debate about same-sex marriages and the enormous amount of tax numbers diverted to AIDS research.

Probably the only good thing to be said about the current state of public education is that the test scores indicate that the kids are nodding off during math, science and English, so perhaps they’re also snoozing during leftwing indoctrination sessions. We can at least hope that they’re otherwise occupied while their brain-dead teachers dispense verbal bouquets to Palestinians, global warming alarmists, Islamists and illegal aliens, while damning Israelis, conservatives, the oil and pharmaceutical industries and, of course, anyone who thinks the teachers union should don a dunce cap and go sit in the corner.

Speaking of illegal aliens, why is it that they are invariably described as “hard-working”? We have perfectly fine legal immigrants from all over the world adding to America’s tapestry, but it’s only those who sneak in who are so designated. Are Polish immigrants notorious slackers? Are Germans and Finns nothing but gold bricks? Are South Africans, Taiwanese and Australians, a bunch of lazy stiffs? Are Swedes, Czechs and Italians, a collection of pathetic laggards? What about Pakistanis, Indians, Israelis and Canadians? Afraid to work up a decent sweat, are they?

How is it, I wonder, that with all those hard workers, Mexico remains a third world nation that keeps its economy afloat, thanks, mainly, to illegal drugs and the money orders sent home by those who have snuck across our border?

There are still people in America who refuse to acknowledge that the mass media has a liberal bias, even after the New York Times, the Bible of the Left, in reporting a recent Supreme Court decision, reported that five conservative judges were on one side -- the wrong side, naturally -- while “Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the other three moderates” were on the other.

Although I am extremely confident that Obama will be ousted in 2012, I hate having to rely on the so-called Independent voter. They’re the politically uninformed who pay so little attention that, in spite of one dreadful fiasco after another -- including a trillion dollar stimulus, cash for clunkers, four trillion dollars of additional debt, a childish refusal to dig for coal or drill for oil, a foolish foray into Libya and a policy that fosters class and racial warfare -- decided, temporarily, at least, that Obama was doing a heck of a job because they happened to like a speech he delivered in Tucson.

After napping through nearly two years of nonstop campaigning, they’re the Dummkopfs who, pollsters report, are still undecided three days before presidential elections. I know these folks take pride in being non-partisan and regard themselves as politically astute, but, in reality, they’re the saps who generally make their election decisions by flipping a coin.

Finally, in spite of telling us that all future terrorists would be tried by military tribunals, Obama and Eric Holder pulled an end-run and decided to Mirandize Somali Islamist Ahmed Abdulkadir Warsame and try him in a civilian court.

Fortunately, the Casey Anthony jury is well-rested and eager to get back to work.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, August 6, 2011

All the News That’s Fit To Ridicule

by BurtPrelutsky

These days, the bad news comes at us so quickly, there’s barely time for it to register. So at least let us pause and give some of the more absurd items the attention they so richly deserve.

In Libya, those who have been waging war against Gaddafi have splintered into opposing factions and have taken to killing each other. From my vantage point, that’s a good thing. As I said from the very beginning, anyone who believed the uprisings throughout the Arab and Muslim world were cause for celebration had a few screws loose. The only celebrating should be taking place in Tehran. The Arab spring isn’t an oasis, but merely a toxic mirage.

I keep wondering if Obama is discounting his plummeting approval numbers as a right-wing conspiracy. After all, every time he gives a speech to his big money contributors, college students, union workers at taxpayer-funded windmill factories or the NAACP, he gets standing ovations. You can see where a guy living in such a bubble could be blindsided by reality.

His partner in crime, Joe Biden, has his own troubles. I mean apart from his stupidity and the bad hair transplant. First, he chimes in to agree with Senator Mike Doyle’s assessment of Tea Party congressmen as terrorists, but then, for good measure, we discover that he’s charging the Secret Service $2,200-a-month to rent a cabin on his estate. Inasmuch as it’s the taxpayers footing the bill to pay those guys to protect his worthless hide, I think landlord Biden should forego the $26,000-a-year. If he can’t get by on the $221,100 we’re paying him, perhaps it’s time he retire and start collecting his various over-inflated pensions.

Speaking of retirement, serial sex offender Mike Wu (above right) has followed Rep. Anthony Weiner back into civilian life. The question is why censure or resignation seem to be the only options when our so-called public servants are found guilty of criminal offenses. These two freaks got to resign while Barney Frank and Charley Rangel continue to pile up seniority, whereas people who don’t have “Congressman” in front of their names would have gone to jail for pandering and tax evasion, respectively.

It used to be that one of the major attractions of the Oval Office, at least so far as Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton were concerned, was that it was a great way to meet chicks. But these days even mere congressmen are cashing in on that tacky perk. Which doesn’t say much for our politicians, but it says even less for our young women.

Even though ex-NY congressman Chris Lee, who went online trolling for sex, was a Republican, by and large it’s liberals who can’t seem to keep their mouths or their pants zipped up. It’s no wonder that liberals are forever promoting abortion. They have a vested interest. It also helps explain why they become so personally outraged whenever people try to introduce character, morals and personal values into the political discourse.

Finally, for murdering 76 of his fellow Norwegians, apparently the worst that Anders Breivik (right) can expect is a sentence of 21 years, which works out to about four months-per-murder. I guess he’s lucky they can’t add jaywalking or double-parking to his list of crimes or he might be facing some really severe Norwegian justice.

Just for the record, I think it should be noted that the campers who were massacred on the island of Utoya were not just a bunch of innocent kids on holiday. Under the auspices of Norway’s Labor Party, they were showing their support of the Palestinians. As part of camp activities, the young folks were engaging in anti-Israel rallies and competing in mock flotilla boat races dedicated to breaking Israel’s blockade of Gaza. I’m not saying the young people deserved to be shot down; I am saying they weren’t Boy Scouts and Brownies.

As for Breivik, who could easily take first place in a Julian Assange look-alike contest, if found guilty, he would likely wind up in Halden Prison. This particular lock-up is spread out over 75 wooded acres, with jogging trails; private rooms with baths; refrigerators; large-screen TVs; a state of the art gym, complete with a climbing wall and personal trainers; not to mention a recording studio that is used to encourage the inmates to form bands.

Although Breivik has pled not guilty to the murderous rampage, tens of thousands of his countrymen have stepped forward to confess.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, August 4, 2011

You Call These Servants?

by BurtPrelutsky

In the land of the blind, it’s said that the one-eyed man is king. In our own land, it seems that hypocrisy trumps sight. Americans, whose ancestors fought a war to free themselves of monarchs, now find themselves under the thumb of kings, queens, dukes and earls, who deign to pass themselves off as public servants.

Consider that in spite of a dire economy, Obama keeps adding White House staff. The number of fetch-and-carriers is now 454, at a cost to the taxpayers of $37 million-a-year. So, how about the next time the Obamas decide to host a gala for the well-heeled likes of Tom Hanks, Paul McCartney and Jerry Seinfeld, the guests at least pay for their own drinks?

On top of that, the taxpayers had to pony up $800,000, so that Michelle, her mom and the kids, could take a trip to Africa. No doubt they were anxious to see where Barack wasn’t born.

I can’t even count high enough to figure out what it’s costing us to finance Obama’s travels around the country so he can do the all-important work of campaign fund-raising.

Speaking of Obama, the Boston Globe, which even Chris Matthews can’t dismiss as a conservative smear sheet, recently came up with the news that Barack Obama, Sr., a notorious womanizer, tried to foist baby Barack off on the Salvation Army. So now, at long last, we actually know what his father’s dreams amounted to; not really all that different from Casey Anthony’s, it seems..

But, God knows, Barack Obama isn’t the only hypocrite holding down a good-paying job in Washington. What’s ironic is that politicians spend a few trivial hours with prostitutes and it ruins their reputations and sinks their careers, but they spend half their lives being wined and dined by lobbyists, and all it does is increase their chances of getting re-elected.

Come to think of it, it’s the prostitutes who have congressmen as clients who should be ashamed. One just naturally expects them to have higher standards than our elected officials.

I wouldn’t want you to get the idea that ours are the only politicians who should be horse-whipped in the public square on a regular basis. In the wake of Eric Holder’s latest calamity, the ATF debacle code-named “Fast and Furious,” which saw scores of guns sent to south of the border drug cartels, Mexican politicians have been bitching about our ignoring Mexico’s sovereignty. This is the same country that has spent decades doing all it can to encourage their poor, their illiterate and their criminals, to treat our sovereignty with the same respect one normally extends to used piñatas.

Recently, I wrote an article in which I made fun of gays for inventing a mental disorder they call homophobia as a way of demeaning those people who oppose same-sex marriages or are merely sick and tired of Gay Pride parades disrupting traffic. I don’t happen to know anyone who has an irrational fear of homosexuals. In the piece, I stated that gays were the only group that had the chutzpah to suggest that questioning their behavior was tantamount to a mental derangement.

Well, a reader reminded me that there is something Muslims and the media like to call Islamophobia. In rebuttal, though, I pointed out that Islamists are ignorant, blood-thirsty cretins, and there is nothing irrational about being terrified of these sociopathic Neanderthals. They are creatures, barely human, after all, who have apparently decided that having explosives surgically implanted in their bodies is one swell way of expressing their religious faith.

Finally, a question I am often asked is how it is that such arrogant, unappealing men, with such obnoxious personalities and grating voices, as Charles Schumer, Barney Frank, Harry Reid and Henry Waxman, can convince so many people to keep re-electing them. The simple answer is that they’re running against other politicians, who generally suffer from similar shortcomings.

It also explains why women who look and sound like Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Sheila Jackson Lee and Hillary Clinton, have been able to achieve such status and power in the wacky world of politics. But, to me, the truly amazing thing about these females is that, against all odds, their husbands weren’t devoured immediately after mating.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, August 1, 2011

Voting “No” on Voting

by BurtPrelutsky

Before we even get close to November 6, 2012, I’d like to suggest that everybody pledge not to pressure their friends and neighbors to get out and vote. There is absolutely nothing un-American about staying home and minding your own business on Election Day.

I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about all the brave Americans who fought and died so that we’d be free to vote. What those good people actually fought for was the freedom to vote, not the obligation. It is the freedom not to vote that is denied to slaves. It’s only when dictators are in charge that people are compelled to go through the motions. The likes of Fidel Castro, Joseph Stalin and the Stalin wannabe, Saddam Hussein, never had to worry about chads and miscounts. When those guys got out the vote, they got out the vote!

I can certainly understand why the two major parties want everybody showing up on Election Day. After all, each side is convinced, after losing an election, that if only 100% of the electorate had shown up and done their duty, the right guy -- their guy -- would have won. But they’re in the business. What’s in it for us?

Please understand that I am not writing this in my own defense. It so happens that I vote every chance I get. In fact, having been born in Chicago, I subscribe to the belief that I should vote early and often. I mean, I’m good at it. I can be trusted. There I am, faithfully watching CNN and FoxNews, reading a daily newspaper, keeping up on things political, and then, come Election Day, some lunkhead who’s spent the past four years watching wrestling on TV and reading Hustler gets shamed into voting, and he winds up canceling out my vote! Is that fair? Is that just? More importantly, is it good for America? I think not.

What possible good can come from the 50-60% of the electorate that prefers to sit things out on Election Day being herded like so many sheep to the polls? I mean, if you think the politicians we elect now are inept, lazy and corrupt, can you imagine what we’re going to wind up with when really dumb people start voting in record numbers?

It’s bad enough that the Democrats are constantly looking to extend voting privileges to felons, illegal aliens and the deceased, without letting them get away with the pretense that a national ID card smacks of fascism. In a society that already takes drivers licenses, Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, cards for granted, it is sheer poppycock to pretend that a national identity card would do anything but make it harder for deadbeat dads to ditch their families, for killers like Whitey Bulger to disappear into the ether and for Democrats to steal elections.

Frankly, I think we should all be ashamed of the fact that in America you have to prove who you are in order to rent a video at Blockbuster, but not to cast a vote in a presidential election.

Yes, I understand this is a democracy and that a double-digit IQ doesn’t disqualify anyone from voting -- or from pursuing elected office, for that matter. But why on earth would anybody in his right mind want to encourage those sloths to foist their ignorance off on the rest of us?

Instead of pretending it’s our obligation to get every single numbskull to the voting booth on Election Day, it should be our patriotic duty to urge them to stay home and mind their own beeswax.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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