Thursday, September 29, 2011

Allah Be Appraised

by BurtPrelutsky

Although I have never claimed to be as politically correct as, say, the N.Y. Times, I like to think of myself as a reasonably open-minded fellow where people who are different from me are concerned. And, inasmuch as most people are very different from me--and glad of it--I get a lot of practice. Furthermore, I have always contended that bigots are just plain lazy, and that if you just take the trouble to know people as individuals, almost invariably you will discover better reasons to despise them other than their race, religion or bizarre sexual proclivities.

So, please believe me when I swear I'm only moderately skeptical when American Muslims claim to be loyal to this country and totally opposed to bringing sharia law to our shores. What I refuse to accept for a single second is their contention that Osama bin Laden was an aberration, an unholy defiler of the tenets of their peace-loving religion. As people used to say, tell it to the Marines.

No, I have not read the Qur'an. And while I have heard highly inflammatory excerpts from those who have read the holy book, I'm aware that Satan can quote or even misquote scripture to his own purpose. Another ancient adage, however, states that the proof is in the pudding. In the case of Islam, I would suggest that the pudding is to be found in every nation where Muslims hold the reins. Or, perhaps, one should say, the whip.

Can it be mere coincidence that, although liberty has flourished in nations that are predominantly Protestant, Catholic, Hindu, Jewish, Shinto, Buddhist, Lutheran and Anglican, it’s never taken root where Muhammad's word is law? Can it be mere happenstance that wherever you look in the Muslim world, from Sudan to Syria, from Iran to Yemen, from Lebanon to Saudi Arabia, wherever Islam holds sway, you will find one totalitarian state after another? Only time will tell if Iraq or Libya will be the exception, but, frankly, I’m not betting on it.

True, you will find a variety of national leaders, including oil-rich sheiks, fanatical ayatollahs and run-of-the-mill tyrants, but one and all could dine comfortably with a Russian czar or a Chicago gangster.

For an allegedly peaceful religion, isn't it remarkable that wherever Islam gains a stranglehold, you will find the nightmare of slavery, genocide, honor killings and female stoning and mutilation, the norm?

I have heard folks say that the historical reason for all this is that, of all the founders of the major religions, only Muhammad was a warrior. Although a merchant by trade, he led his followers in the bloody conquest of Mecca. So perhaps the die was cast thirteen centuries ago. Hell, for all I know, maybe it goes back to climate. I know I'm a perfect grouch when the temperature goes through the roof and the air conditioning conks out.

Maybe it has something to do with too much sand in one's diet. Or perhaps living in close proximity to camels, a notoriously nasty beast, is the reason behind the cult of death that celebrates suicide bombings throughout the Middle East?

To tell you the truth, when I first heard tell of the awards that allegedly awaited Islamic martyrs, even I began to see the attraction. I mean, on the face of it, moving from Jenin or Tehran, say, to Paradise sounds like an awfully good deal. Toss in six dozen beautiful virgins, and what healthy, red-blooded nincompoop wouldn't gladly blow himself to Kingdom Come?

The problem, of course, is that, like most youngsters, they never bother thinking things through. For instance, in the natural course of events, what the impetuous young idiot will inevitably have on his hands are six dozen ex-virgins.

And if he thinks he has it bad now, just wait until he winds up spending eternity with 72 women who while away each and every day complaining that he's always leaving his burnoose on the floor, doesn't help out with the kids, and never takes them dancing.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Monday, September 26, 2011

Dick Morris and Other Questionable Characters

by BurtPrelutsky

It’s bad enough having those well-spoken, snazzy-dressed, spokesmen for the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), getting all huffy over opposition to the Ground Zero Mosque, but what makes them particularly unbearable is the silence they maintain over the way their brethren burn churches, bibles and Christians, in the Middle East. In a way, it reminds me of the way that Barack Obama chastises Republicans for being uncivil, but never utters a word when his various stooges refer to Republicans as hostage-taking terrorists and when Rep. Andre Carson calls the Tea Party a lynch mob.

I know that Dick Morris is treated very respectfully by the hosts at Fox, but I can’t figure out why. For one thing, this is the same yutz who helped Bill Clinton win elections for about 20 years. Just when did he experience an epiphany and come over from the dark side?

His political morals, or lack of same, aside, he’s a joke as a prognosticator. Months before last November’s elections, he told Bill O’Reilly that Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman would be slam-dunk winners in their elections against Barbara Boxer and Jerry Brown. I recall sitting in front of my TV set here in California and trying to figure out how to reach him so I could bet my life savings.

Naturally, when months later both Fiorina and Whitman bit the dust, Morris didn’t explain how he had so badly misread the tea leaves, and O’Reilly, who has the attention span of a gnat when it comes to anything unrelated to himself and his ratings, never brought it up.

Morris reminds me of a spit-curled Hollywood character who used to be a mainstay in the early days of TV. He called himself Criswell. His shtick was to stare into the camera lens and make goofy predictions, which often involved Martian invasions and the end of planet Earth. But unlike Morris, nobody pretended to take him seriously, except for Mae West, who was a bit of a goofball herself.

One of the more interesting conflicts that has recently developed pits animal activists against environmentalists. It seems that windmills kill thousands of birds every month. But you never hear the greenies, the very same knuckleheads who are always sobbing crocodile tears over an oil pipeline in ANWR possibly separating members of a caribou family, carrying on about the ongoing carnage. The fact is that the windmills have even slaughtered golden eagles and nobody has been held accountable. However, if a hunter shot one, he’d be fined and he’d get jail time. Perhaps would-be murderers should take heed. Don’t use a gun, a knife or a hammer; just use a windmill.

Rick Perry got a lot of static for suggesting that Ben Bernanke was guilty of treason. Even I wouldn’t go that far. Still, I did find myself trying to figure out the difference between being the chairman of the Federal Reserve and a garden-variety counterfeiter. The best I could come up with is that each man prints basically worthless money, and both men get to serve lengthy terms, but only one of them serves his in prison.

Finally, I find it amusing that the Democrats automatically think Republicans -- especially those who seek or win the presidency – are morons. It’s not a recent development, either. Although Palin, Bachmann and Perry, are all being dismissed by the DNC and the MSM as blithering idiots, as was George W. Bush, it goes back at least as far as 1952. Back then, it was Dwight D. Eisenhower, a graduate of West Point and a five-star general who commanded the D-Day invasion who was ridiculed as a simpleton. His opponent, Adlai Stevenson, had been a one-term governor of Illinois, thanks to the machinations of Jake Arvey’s old fashioned political machine. Further proof of Stevenson’s superior character and intellect is that he went before HUAC and testified to the loyalty and patriotism of Alger Hiss, the pride of FDR’s State Department, later proven to have been a Soviet spy. Predictably, Stevenson, was served up as a combination of Albert Einstein, Mark Twain and Thomas Jefferson, when, in fact, he had all the decisiveness of Hamlet, the warmth of a frozen turkey and the moxie of Franklin Pangborn.

Actually, I’ve found that once you get past the propaganda spouted by the left-wing media, the only difference between a really dumb liberal and a well-educated one comes down to the number of syllables in their drivel.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, September 24, 2011

Musings About Muslims and Obama’s Body Parts

by BurtPrelutsky

It’s hard not to appreciate the irony of the man who promised that with his election, the rise of the oceans would begin to slow and the planet would begin to heal having to cut his vacation short because of Hurricane Irene. Apparently Mother Nature doesn’t like this guy any more than I do.

It occurred to me that between them, George Bush and Barack Obama have spent most of the past decade telling us what a great religion Islam is. They’ve gone at it like a pair of competing televangelists. All it took was for Muslims to top off 20 years of taking Americans hostage, bombing our embassies, leveling our Marine barracks, blowing up our ships, and killing thousands of us in New York, Iraq and Afghanistan, to make Islam the religion du jour. What makes this especially odd is that in the prior 200 years of our history, no president felt even slightly inclined to pay these folks a single tribute, no matter how insincere.

It makes me think that if an American Muslim soldier made his bed, cleaned his plate and refrained from killing anyone in his unit for, say, two consecutive months, Obama would probably see to it that he received the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Speaking of he who should be permanently unemployed, Obama told Syria’s Bashar Assad to resign for the sake of his brutally oppressed people. Rumor has it that Assad replied, “Look who’s talking.”

It turns out that Warren Buffet, who’s been yammering for the wealthy to pay more taxes, runs a company that’s been in arrears to the IRS since 2002. It’s just one more example of liberals insisting that people do as they say, not as they do. I find it almost as amusing as Nancy Pelosi’s constant attacks on wealthy Americans. Inasmuch as the woman is worth upwards of $35 million, you have to wonder what a psychiatrist would make of her incessant ravings.

Someone recently told me that it was Rush Limbaugh who first observed that politics is show business for ugly people. It’s a wonderfully perceptive line. The only problem is that it immediately put me in mind of Henry Waxman, Mr. Show Biz himself. Imagine if he and Pelosi had married and had a child. Go ahead -- imagine it, and then just try to get to sleep tonight.

I find it fascinating that it’s always the presidential candidates who have the least chance of winning an election whose fans are the biggest, most annoying, zealots. In 1948, it was Henry Wallace, a Communist, who had the most excitable followers. In 1968, it was George Wallace. In other years, it’s been Eugene McCarthy, John Anderson, Ross Perot, Ralph Nader and even Harry Browne. In the past and again this year, it’s the sometime Libertarian, sometime Republican, always goofy Ron Paul, the fellow who doesn’t regard a nuclear Iran as any more dangerous than Fiji, whose disciples are the loudest, the rudest and the ones with the loosest grip on reality.

I, personally, don’t take Rep. Paul’s peculiar notions to heart. I merely blame it on his youth.

For the longest time, whenever I’d see Barack Obama on TV, I’d find that I couldn’t take my eyes off his ears. Outside of a National Graphic documentary on bats, I’d never seen ears like that. Then, one day, I noticed his thumbs. It’s as if they have an extra joint or two. His thumbs are longer than some people’s hands. They’re like something out of a sci-fi movie, and they freak me out. The good news is that I am no longer riveted on those ears. The bad news is that I can’t help wondering what his toes are like.

Finally, I recently read that in 1990, we had 76 Army Brigades, and we now have 45. Back then, we had 546 Navy ships; at last count, we had 288. We had 82 Air Force fighter squadrons, and we now have less than half that number. We now have 154 strategic bombers, reduced from 360. That’s pretty scary. It suggests that the last three presidents all decided that the world has become a far safer place over the intervening 21 years, and that is even scarier.

As if it’s not bad enough that, in the name of social engineering and political correctness, we’ve repealed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” it appears that all those cuts resulted in Uncle Sam’s having undergone a sex change operation, and will henceforth be referred to as Aunt Samantha.

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Thursday, September 22, 2011

One God or Many

by BurtPrelutsky

Sometimes you can focus so hard on a single tree, you lose sight of the forest. For instance, every sane person, which automatically excludes leftists, realizes that we can easily un-elect Barack Obama next year. But we should not lose sight of the fact that we will simultaneously be sending Hillary Clinton, Cass Sunstein, Timothy Geithner, Janet Napolitano, Eric Holder, Jeffrey Immelt, Jay Carney, Valerie Jarrett and Joe Biden, back where they came from. That should certainly provide all Republicans, no matter which candidate they happen to support at the moment, with plenty of incentive to vote for our ultimate nominee early and often.

In spite of all the negative attention that the likes of Michael Bloomberg, Bill Maher and the coven of secular socialists who scribble for the NY Times, expend on religious believers such as Glenn Beck, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann, you’d think they’d occasionally pause to question the abiding faith that the Left has in Big Government. The weird part of liberal fanaticism is that, by and large, ministers, priests and rabbis, cause very little mischief, whereas government in the form of Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Barbara Boxer, Charles Schumer, Patty Murray and the Black Congressional Caucus, were directly responsible for the financial meltdown, the massive number of home foreclosures, a soaring deficit and a Great Depression-like rate of unemployment.

The most devout Catholic, the most fervent Evangelical, the most orthodox Jew, can all make a stronger and, yes, even logical argument for his religious faith than a left-winger can. That is why every time leftists are asked why they worship the federal government and why it is that their gods demand that they favor higher taxes, the Palestinians, more federal regulations, affirmative action, public unions, illegal aliens, expanded welfare, same-sex marriages, a ban on oil drilling and a confiscation of guns; and why it is that they regard Tea Party members as a greater threat to life and liberty than Islamic jihadists; their replies are generally limited to accusing the opposition of being Nazis, fascists, racists, homophobes, yokels and/or hostage-taking terrorists.

In short, their defense consists of vehemently attacking those who don't subscribe to their particular brand of fanaticism. Sort of reminds one of Cotton Mather and Tomas de Torquemada in their heyday.

Speaking of historical figures, Galileo was convicted of heresy for insisting that the earth revolved around the sun and not the other way around. For their part, liberals condemn conservatives of heresy for opposing Obama’s trillion dollar stimulus, Cash-4-Clunkers, Card Check, the Dream Act, increased taxes, Cap & Trade, and his incessant kowtowing to Iranian mullahs and union thugs. The main difference is that Galileo was merely confined to house arrest some 450 years ago; he did not have his humanity questioned on a daily basis by Henry Waxman and the lap dogs in the MSM.

The most fascinating aspect of the Left’s intolerance of Christianity and Judaism is the fact that the same crowd goes berserk when the religious practices of Satanists, jihadists and those freaks and oddballs whose gods require the sacrifice of small animals or the ingesting of illegal drugs, are not respected by one and all.

The same folks who take it personally if someone suggests that God judges each of us by a set of Commandments, have no problem when a bunch of ex-lawyers, who owe their judicial appointments to hack politicians, have the ultimate authority when it comes to everything from abortions to the legality of ObamaCare.

This state of affairs is especially peculiar in light of the fact that judges, including those serving on the various Courts of Appeal are generally, divided, 2-1. And why would anybody have confidence in a Supreme Court, where decisions, as often as not, come down to 5-4 votes? For all the reverence and solemnity that surrounds the nine justices in their marble temple, they are simply a collection of mortals who were selected by political factions that, at the time, held sway in the White House and Congress. No one in his right mind would trust that bunch to pick out his neckties.

For me, the funny aspect of all this is that it’s those on the Left who regard themselves and their favorite politicians as the intellectual elite. Which is what makes George Orwell’s observation that “There are some ideas that are so preposterous that only an intellectual could believe them” so perceptive.

The next time a leftist, whose own religious faith rests with the likes of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer and Sonia Sotomayor, accuses a Christian believer of being an ignoramus, an appropriate response would be, “Well at least nobody has ever suggested that God Almighty got His job through being politically well-connected.”

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, September 19, 2011

Memo to Obama

by BurtPrelutsky

Mr. Obama: You and Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Charley Rangel and Lewis Farrakhan, would like to believe that the reason I despise you is because you’re black or half-black or half-Muslim, but the truth is that your racial and religious makeup is probably the least odious thing about you.

How do I despise you? Let me, like the poets, count the ways.

You promised to have a post-racial administration, and a lot of people foolishly assumed that meant that race would be placed on the back burner. But, then, those very same dunderheads assumed that the change you promised was a synonym for improvement. I can only assume that when you vowed to radically transform America, they figured you would somehow make them all rich, smart and good-looking.

You received over 90% of the black vote and, in gratitude, you appointed a black racist named Eric Holder to be your Attorney General. He was the schmuck who not only refused to prosecute black thugs for intimidating white voters, but insisted that his Department of Justice would not investigate such matters unless it was minority voters who claimed they were being intimidated.

This is the same Eric Holder who, four months after Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry had been murdered with one of the weapons identified as having been part of the “Fast and Furious” gun-running scandal, claimed he was unaware of any such operation. For good measure, three of the ATF supervisors who oversaw the disaster have been recently promoted. That might be one way to keep them from cooperating with Congress and ratting out those who were actually responsible for allowing hundreds of semi-automatic weapons to wind up in the hands of Mexico’s drug cartels.

You generate class and race warfare by insisting that taxes be raised on the wealthy so that you and your enablers can continue to rake in black and Hispanic votes, when you are well-aware that the top three oil companies in 2010 paid about $43 billion in taxes and that super-wealthy individuals pay roughly 60% of all income taxes, while half the country pays zilch. And that, oddly enough, is exactly what G.E. paid last year. If you recall, that is the company run by your old chum, America’s job czar, Jeffrey Immelt.

In explaining why, even after running up an additional $4 trillion in debt, the nation’s economy is barely breathing, you blame George Bush, Republicans, the Tea Party and my own personal favorite, bad luck. I only wish I’d been that imaginative when I was in high school and getting a “C” in geometry. The best I could come up with was that our dog ate my homework, and we didn’t even have a dog. You have placed the blame on earthquakes, tsunamis, the Arab Spring and, if I recall, sun spots and Kim Kardashian’s wedding.

You have also placed the blame for the economy on a recalcitrant Congress. Clearly, it is your plan to run against Congress in 2012, just as Harry Truman did in 1948. One major problem with that strategy is that the Republicans controlled the House and Senate in those days. Today, the GOP only controls the House. And prior to the 2010 elections, the Democrats had run the House and Senate for the previous four years, and the White House for two. And what did America have to show for it? The short list includes the collapse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, a trillion dollar stimulus, nine percent unemployment and ObamaCare.

The trouble with luck is that it’s very fickle. Perhaps good luck didn’t appreciate being ignored when jihadists weren’t able to ignite bombs in a plane over Detroit or a car in Times Square and, instead of your going on TV to credit luck with saving thousands of innocent lives, your head of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, arrogantly announced that the two miraculous mishaps were proof that America’s security couldn’t be in better hands.

In spite of deciding that you have the authority to bestow amnesty on millions of illegal aliens, this cheap political ploy will not be enough to get you re-elected. Instead, it merely convinces moderates, independents and the wiser members of the Hispanic community, that the Constitution is on a par with a used napkin so far as you’re concerned.

The fact is, nobody who didn’t vote for you last time will vote for you in 2012, whereas millions who did, won’t. Not since the advent of the Edsel and the new Coke has an over-hyped product turned off more Americans than you. It’s no coincidence that the Democrats have lost scores of elections since 2008, and among the most embarrassing of these defeats were those in which you hit the stump the most often.

My suggestion is that like a pitcher who has lost 10 mph off his fastball, you announce your retirement by insisting that even though you still love baseball, your teammates and the fans, you just want to be able to spend more quality time with your family.

Then you could donate the billion dollars you would have squandered on your re-election campaign to the U.S. Treasury to help pay down the obscene debt you ran up. In legal circles, it’s called restitution. In religious circles, it’s called paying for your sins. In sporting circles, it’s called throwing in the towel. In my circle, it would be called a national holiday.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Slavery and Related Sins

by BurtPrelutsky

When I was young, I was brought up to regard Europe’s colonial powers as evil incarnate. We were taught that England, France, Holland, Germany and Spain, brutalized the people of Africa and Haiti, all for the sake of diamonds and other precious commodities.

Time passed, as it will, and the European oppressors were banished. The nations became self-governing and, in many cases, went so far as to change their names in an effort to put the past behind them. Predictably, just about everything got worse. Nearly without exception, the black leaders who filled the power vacuum were far more savage than the colonial governors had been.

While liberals everywhere celebrated the change, the fact is that the last 60 or 70 years have been an endless bloodbath for Africa. It’s been one endless cycle of genocide, rape, drought, pillage and starvation.

The United Nations, a string of American presidents, various charities and a swarm of white celebrities, including Angelina Jolie, Bono and George Clooney, have raised trillions of dollars while piling up a lifetime supply of self-bestowed brownie points. Closer to home, we have the same cycle repeated in Haiti, as well as in Chicago, Houston and Philadelphia.

Nothing ever changes for the better, but only becomes more desperate and more costly. The main difference between, say, Somalia and Detroit is that the black population in Detroit gets a few more goodies because the Democrats still need their votes every couple of years.

The major distinction between Idi Amin and the members of the Black Congressional Caucus is that Idi was, literally and not just metaphorically, a cannibal.

None of this should be taken as a blanket indictment of the black race. People aren’t always responsible for their political leaders, as we American conservatives can readily testify. There are a great many black individuals whose decency, courage and accomplishments, cannot and should not be overlooked. Although when their names are Thomas Sowell, Shelby Steele, Walter Williams, Star Parker, Tim Scott, Condoleezza Rice or Allen West, they’re exactly the ones that liberals cynically belittle as “inauthentic,” as Uncle Toms and Oreos.

Liberals prefer to hold up the likes of Jesse Jackson, Charles Rangel, Louis Farrakhan, Al Sharpton, Sheila Jackson Lee, Maxine Waters and Cynthia McKinney, as sterling examples of the black race.

While it’s true that no group of Americans was ever as ill-treated for as many years as blacks, it’s also true that over the past five decades, in the wake of the Civil Rights Act, no group has rioted more or pursued an education less than blacks. The only areas in which they have consistently been overachievers are crime, basketball and siring babies out of wedlock.

To those aware of human nature, it comes as no surprise that no other group, including illegal aliens, has received as much from the public trough as blacks. So it is that ingratitude can be added to their sins.

Nobody can honestly deny that the institution of slavery was an abomination because it turned human beings into beasts of burden. But in the long run, the price of bringing all those poor souls here in chains is that millions of other Americans have become slaves to their descendants.

In a way, that could be viewed as poetic justice, except that those now paying the price were never slave owners and those being rewarded never had to pick or tote a bale of cotton.

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Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Very Special Election

by BurtPrelutsky

I know that there are tickertapes that constantly keep investors abreast of the stock market. I therefore have to assume that there are similar devices used to keep kneejerk liberals up to the minute on talking points. Otherwise, how would they all know to dismiss the earthshaking results of the special election in New York’s 9th congressional district as a referendum on Obama and, instead, insist it was all about local issues?

Oddly enough, when earlier this year, Democrat Kathleen Hochul defeated Republican candidate Jane Corwin in a special election in New York’s 26th congressional district, Obama and his crew hailed it as proof that America was infatuated with ObamaCare. The fact that Hochul won with a mere 47% of the vote because Jack Davis, a lifelong Democrat, intentionally confused the electorate by running as the Tea Party candidate and siphoning off nine percent of the votes, was ignored by the mass media.

I understand that the Democrats have good reason to regard American voters as a bunch of ignorant mugs. After all, in 2008, 53% of us elected a Socialist pig-in-a-poke to the Oval Office. But when a congressional district that has a 3-1 Democratic advantage in registration, and is overwhelmingly Jewish, votes by a 54%-46% margin for a Republican Catholic over a Jewish liberal, “local issues” isn’t an explanation, it’s a punch line.

Inasmuch as no Republican has been elected in that district in about 90 years, it would seem to most people that some local issue or other would have tipped the scales long before 2011 rolled around. Of course it’s just possible that by “local issues,” the liberals are referring to 9.1% unemployment, 7% underemployment, ObamaCare, a $15 trillion dollar deficit and this administration’s anti-Israel bias. If that’s the case, the Democrats are very likely to discover in next year’s elections just how many other places in America regard them as local issues.

If liberals in the House and Senate persist in promoting Obama’s abominable policies, I can assure them that in November, 2012, they will face an electorate that will be only too happy to help them pack up and return to civilian life.

For those current office holders not content to once again chase ambulances for a living, they might consider carving out careers teaching lemmings how to leap off cliffs and instructing Centurions on the proper way to fall on their swords.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Goofballs to the Left of Me, Nut Jobs to the Right

by BurtPrelutsky

I’m not a religious person, but I’m happy to acknowledge that those who have boundless faith are often the salt of the earth. So if they choose to interpret the six days of Creation as different from the 24-hour variety the rest of us are familiar with, I can live with it. I don’t even have a problem with accepting that God managed evolution, fine-tuning what He had created in the first place.

But I’m afraid that when it comes to believing that the earth is only a few thousand years old and that dinosaurs and saber-toothed tigers prowled the planet that recently, a belief that contradicts fossils, carbon-dating and common sense, I find it as preposterous as I do Islamic fundamentalists who insist that some schmuck who turns himself into a bomb and blows up innocent people gets a one-way ticket on the Paradise Express, and when he arrives at the depot, there are 72 virgins waiting to greet him and help him with his luggage.

Recently, when my friend Bernard Goldberg told Bill O’Reilly that he didn’t believe that the earth was a mere 6,000 years old, he received a ton of email from angry Fox viewers. The nicer ones simply dismissed him as a fool. In most cases, though, they used language you wouldn’t expect to hear in church or even a saloon.

When I say I will vote for anyone but Obama, I mean it. But if “anyone” turns out to be someone who lacks the intelligence to find a little breathing room in his theology for basic science, I won’t be happy about it. In carrying out his duties, it probably doesn’t matter how long the President of the United States believes the planet has been around. But if he’s convinced that Adam ate the apple that recently, God only knows what other nonsense fills his cranium.

Moving on, I am surprised that Muammar Gaddafi still hasn’t been discovered. I mean, how hard can it be to spot someone who dresses like that? I can only assume he’s found a way to blend in. So, either he’s performing as a Vegas lounge act, is employed as the head usher at the Radio City Music Hall or he’s strutting his stuff on a fashion runway in Paris or Milan.

For years now, the liberals have tried to turn the federal government into one huge Mary Poppins, the world’s most invasive nanny. What I hadn’t been aware of until being alerted by S.E. Cupp is that Manhattan’s District Attorney, Cyrus Vance, Jr., has taken it upon himself to banish not only guns, but switchblades and gravity knives from his jurisdiction.

Mr. Vance, whose father was Jimmy Carter’s Secretary of State, who helped usher in 30 years of Islamic terrorism by welcoming the Ayatollah Khomeini back into Iran, obviously didn’t fall too far from the family tree. Over the past year, under threat of prosecution, Vance has forced a number of retail outlets, including Home Depot, to remove the knives from their stores and to forfeit the prior four years of profits they’d derived from selling them.

I have no doubt that this campaign has upset Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who has spent the past several years taking bows for banishing trans fats from New York City. Bloomberg has to be worried that D.A. Vance will ride his glorious victory over sharp objects right straight into Gracie Mansion.

In order to ward off the challenge, rumor has it that Bloomberg has now set his sights on those New Yorkers he has reason to suspect have family-size containers of toothpaste, mouthwash and shampoo, in their bathrooms. After all, if these items are lethal at 35,000 feet, how harmless can they possibly be at sea level?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!  Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, September 10, 2011

10 Years After 9-11

by BurtPrelutsky

Anniversaries -- even those of such tragic events as 12-7-41 and 9-11-01 -- are occasions which cause us to reflect and take stock. What the attacks on Pearl Harbor and the Twin Towers should teach us is to be forever on the alert. Not since the days of the Redcoats have our nation’s enemies behaved like gentlemen, and it is high time that we learned that enemies often strike without warning. We should expect them to gouge our eyes and knee our groin, and if we’re not prepared to do likewise, we shall remain at the mercy of the unmerciful.

On a Sunday in 1941, America discovered that Japan was our mortal enemy, and we spent the better part of the next four years teaching them a well-deserved lesson. On the other hand, in the wake of 9-11, our leaders told us time and again that Islam was a peaceful religion. Moreover, the media tried to convince us that the Palestinians were the good guys in the conflict with Israel, that a mosque at Ground Zero would serve as a monument to good fellowship, and that it was a swell idea to elect as our president a left-wing bigot named Barack Hussein Obama.

If I read all this in a book, I’d be sure it was not only a work of fiction, but one of the goofier ones in the science fiction genre.

New York City fireman calls for 10 more colleagues. (US Govt. photo)
The fact that a mere seven years after being attacked by Muslims, we elected a guy who spent his early years in Islamic schools in Indonesia; his most formative years being raised in Hawaii by white socialists and tutored by a black communist; and his adulthood, attending a black racist church in Chicago, while hanging around with unrepentant radical terrorists, strongly suggests that America should have had its head examined.

How on earth did we elect a guy who can’t throw a baseball? For that matter, how did we elect a guy who is America’s number one celebrity but has never had a woman step forward to say she dated him in high school or college when we all know that such a person could get a couple of million bucks sharing her experiences with Diane Sawyer or the National Enquirer?

This was a guy who insisted that the problem with both the Founding Fathers and the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement was that neither group did anything about redistributing wealth. He also promised that his energy policy would not only destroy the coal industry, but send America’s energy costs soaring.

Before the NASCAR Nationwide race Sept. 3, 2011. photo by Matt Weaver
How shameless does a man have to be who spends months berating millionaires and billionaires, and then turns his 50th birthday party into a fund-raising event with tickets going for $35,000 and then spends his summer vacation with the very rich and moderately famous on Martha’s Vineyard? And let us not forget that all of this hobnobbing with the well-to-do comes on the heels of Michelle and the kids vacationing in Africa at a cost to the lowly taxpayer of $800,000.

In what was supposed to be a charming, self-deprecating, line, Obama said in 2008, after bowling a pathetic 37, “My economic plan is better than my bowling score.” But, as it turns out, he was mistaken. For one thing, his score was only an embarrassment to himself, whereas his economic policy has bankrupted the nation, increased unemployment, made us more dependent on foreign oil and cost us our triple-A credit rating.

Shortly after being elected, he said that if his policies didn’t turn America’s economy around, he would only be a one-term president. When he made that statement, unemployment stood at 7.1%. It is now 9.1%. If this were the real world instead of the world of politics, America’s CEO would be turning in his resignation.

Instead, in a desperate attempt to keep a job that he is totally unfit to have, he engages in class and race warfare, questioning the patriotism of Republicans, Tea Party members and every other rational American who rebels against modeling our nation after Europe’s left-wing nanny states. If only Obama spent more time keeping up with the news, and less time gazing adoringly into a mirror, he would notice that Europe has fallen prey to a cancer, socialism, that is every bit as malignant and dangerous as the Soviet Union ever was.

We can only hope and pray that on the 11th anniversary of 9-11, we will be on the verge of sending the Obamas back to Chicago, a city with a world-class zoo that houses a variety of odd critters, but none quite as odd or as loathsome as Barack.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Holier Than Thou Billionaire

by BurtPrelutsky

Whenever anyone wants to prove that millions of Americans are either dumb or just plain nuts, they mention that 12% of the population is convinced that a badly scarred James Dean is living as a hermit and a 450-pound Elvis Presley is working at a 7/11 outside Nashville. I say that doesn’t prove anything beyond wishful thinking. A far more convincing case can be made by pointing out that even now 40% of Americans believe that Barack Obama is doing a bang-up job.

In a saner world, it’s Obama who would be a hermit or working at a 7/11 in Chicago.

One of the 40-percenters is none other than Warren Buffet. Recently he wrote or paid someone to write an op-ed for the NY Times. In it, he groused that rich guys like himself aren’t paying enough in taxes. He complained that he only paid about seven millions dollars in income taxes last year because his rate was a mere 17.4%. He whined that his rate was lower than that of the 20 people working in his office, whose own tax rates ranged from 33-41%.
Warren Buffett and President Obama
Considering that Buffett is allegedly worth $50 billion and that he has vowed to give away 99% of his wealth before he kicks off, the question that leaps to mind is why he paid the IRS less than 20% of his 2010 earnings. Why not 100%?

If 17.4% worked out to seven million dollars, that means his taxable earnings were in the neighborhood of $40 million. What stopped him from chipping in the extra $33 million? Also, inasmuch as $40 million is less than one percent of his total wealth, why didn’t he write the U.S. Treasury a check for several billion dollars? I mean, for God’s sake, the guy is 81 years old. Isn’t it time he starts unloading his fortune? I realize that he is giving a lot of dough to the Bill Gates Foundation, but if he can pick and choose what he wants to do with his money, why can’t the rest of us? Why should we be expected to happily offer up additional dollars to feed the bottomless maw of the federal government?

Also, if a guy worth fifty billion earned less than one percent on his money, he is either sheltering an awful lot of moolah or he’s not the financial maven everybody claims he is.

Another thing worth mentioning is that we always hear that Buffet, just a regular guy, lives in the same Omaha house that he bought in 1957 for $31,500. What is hardly ever mentioned is that he also has a $4 million mansion in Laguna Beach, California.

He also has one of those $6.7 million corporate jets that his good buddy is always yammering about.

If Buffet wants to bellyache about taxes being too low, he should get up on his soap box and bitch about the 50% of Americans who pay no income taxes, but not only get to vote for the folks who make the loony tax laws, but who, in spite of paying no income taxes, collect about $110 billion in “refundable” tax credits!

Which is why the 50% of us who pay income taxes regard the IRS just the same way that Robin Hood regarded the Sheriff of Nottingham, while the 50% of freeloaders who inevitably vote for Democrats look upon the IRS the way small children regard Santa Claus.

I echo Michele Bachmann’s three choice words of advice for Mr. Buffet: “Write a check.”

What America doesn’t need is a billionaire blowhard pimping for Obama. Buffett should just stuff it!

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Monday, September 5, 2011

Trying to Cope With Liberals

by BurtPrelutsky

I am familiar with the John Donne poem in which he claims no man is an island, further insisting that any man’s death diminishes him, but I’m afraid I don’t buy it. When a friend of mine dies, I am crushed. But when I pick up a newspaper and read that a thousand strangers halfway around the world have been lost to a tidal wave, I say “Tsk” and turn the page.

What brought this home for me is that when I heard that 30 Navy Seals had been killed in Afghanistan, I felt as if I had lost family members, but if I’d read that 30 members of Congress had suddenly keeled over, I’d simply turn the page. Whether or not I went “Tsk” would depend on their party affiliation. Clearly, I am no John Donne.

Speaking of friends, I am having a harder and harder time remaining even civil to liberals. It isn’t simply a matter of despising their politics and their puppy-like devotion to those who are actually doing their best to destroy our economy, along with our traditions, our schools and our popular culture. It also involves their habit of parroting clich├ęs and left-wing talking points.

For instance, they repeat every lie they hear about Fox News, but never watch the cable network, for if they did, they would regularly see such left-wing chowderheads as Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Leslie Marshall, Marc Lamont Hill, Bob Beckel and Juan Williams, mouthing off. They would also see all those liberal politicians who insist they want Fox muzzled making regular appearances.

What’s more, when the loons demonize the Tea Party, they expose the fact that they have never attended one of their events or engaged a Tea Party member in civil discourse. Instead, repeating what they’ve read in Newsweek or the New York Times, or heard from such objective and unimpeachable sources as Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Charley Rangel or Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, they’ve blithely labeled millions of patriotic, tax-paying Americans “astroturfers,” “homophobes,” “jihadists” and “hostage-taking terrorists.” You know -- all the names they refuse to employ when referring to America’s sworn enemies.

Confirming their status as mental eunuchs is the fact that they only get upset with Barack Obama when he doesn’t raise taxes, shut down Gitmo or join the ranks of the union thugs in Madison, Wisconsin, not when he adds Libya to our war zones, extends the Patriot Act or does any of the other things that led them to denounce George Bush as a Nazi.

Another thing that makes it so difficult to stomach liberals is the way they happily slander anyone their overlords have declared enemies of Obama’s progressive policies, even when those policies are destroying their very lives and the lives of future generations.

So it is that they will denounce, say, pharmaceutical companies, whose products are the main reason that life expectancy has increased in America, but ballyhoo unions, which have done so much to destroy our industries, our schools and our economy.

In order to show their displeasure over oil and coal producers, they are compelled to praise windmills and solar power, which are incapable of supplying a modern industrial nation’s energy needs, except in what passes for Al Gore’s brain. We might just as well place our faith in finding a genie who will grant us unlimited wishes.

Yet another thing that makes it so difficult to take liberals seriously is that whereas they have no problem showing their contempt for conservatives, Israel, religious observance and the folks in what they casually dismiss as “flyover country,” which consists of everything west of the Hudson, except for Illinois and those states butting up against the Pacific, they won’t permit a discouraging word to be uttered about Muslims, illegal aliens, Palestinians, lifelong welfare recipients, abortionists or homosexuals.

Speaking of Hollywood’s favorite minority, homosexuals not only insist on being called gays, but take umbrage at anyone who suggests that same-sex marriage is like one of those bad jokes that, for no apparent reason, occasionally goes viral on the internet. But the fact remains that their contemptuous term for heterosexuals is “breeders.”

But I guess in liberal circles, we can’t really expect that “heterophobe” will ever catch on in a big way.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Narcissism Is a Contagious Disease

by BurtPrelutsky

Every time I see some Washington mucky-muck striding down a congressional corridor with a dozen lackeys in his or her wake, I find myself wishing it were actually a perp walk and, at its conclusion, the cops would be waiting to cart the poltroon off to prison.

It is also how I feel every time I see Obama walking to the Oval Office. You can just see that he’s thinking, “I’m so cool. They’re all so lucky to have me as their president.” Maybe it’s just me, but I just want to bitch-slap that smirk off his arrogant face.

It’s all narcissism. These people who have done nothing more than win an election actually believe they’re indispensable. I’m used to this form of mental derangement because I’ve worked in Hollywood. Out here, it’s not just the actors and actresses, writers and directors, who suffer from this personality disorder. It’s also the producers and agents, the P.R. flacks and managers. They all regard themselves as gods and goddesses descended from Mt. Olympus.

These people are all alike, whether they make laws or movies, and there’s no way that their acolytes can adore them half as much as they adore themselves.

Of course when it comes to sheer narcissism, no group can compare to homosexuals. That’s because by their very nature, like Narcissus in the myth, they are fatally drawn to reflections of themselves.

Getting back to Obama, I suspect that even on his death bed, he will be blaming George Bush for costing him the 2012 election. While it’s true that Bush did the economy no favors, the crash of 2008 had far more to do with the fact that Democrats such as Pelosi, Reid, Dodd and Barney Frank, took over the House and Senate after the 2006 elections. It was the Democrats, after all, who, in their endless trolling for the votes of blacks and Hispanics, insisted that the lending agencies stop demanding things like down payments and proof of income. If you wanted a home, by gum, the liberals would see that you got one. Of course when the inevitable crash came, I didn’t notice people like Henry Waxman, Sheila Jackson Lee and Barbara Boxer, inviting those who lost their homes to foreclosure to come live with them.

So, while Obama’s successor will be inheriting an even worse economy than he did, he will at least have a blueprint for recovery. He or she will merely have to be the un-Obama by cutting taxes; derailing ObamaCare; re-writing the tax code; passing a balanced budget amendment; following the example of Arizona and Alabama in dealing with illegal immigrants and their employers; drilling for oil; digging for coal; cutting federal regulations; and eliminating several federal departments, starting with Education, Health & Welfare and the NLRB, but including everything not specified in the Constitution.

The next president should also use his bully pulpit to express his displeasure with Planned Parenthood, the Sierra Club, AARP, the National Endowment of the Arts, the NAACP and the ACLU.

As far as the recent skirmish over raising the debt goes, I am not as upset as some conservatives are over the possible cutting of the Defense budget. For one thing, unless I’m the one selling $1.41 drainpipes for $75, $7.05 control switches for $900 and $183.30 circuit breakers for $4,500, I don’t want the Pentagon to continue shopping at Tiffany’s when they should be filling their cart at Lowe’s or Home Depot.

For another thing, I want to call back our troops from everywhere they’re not fighting and where neither they nor America is appreciated. In case you hadn’t noticed, we not only have 160,000 or so troops in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya, we have them deployed in 150 other countries. There are 11 countries where we have over a thousand troops, including Belgium, Turkey, Bahrain, Djibouti and Turkey. We have 8,000 in Qatar; 10,000 in both Italy and Great Britain; 28,500 in South Korea; and 54,000 in Germany.

I say it’s high time we began letting countries defend themselves. If they want to hire us as bodyguards, that’s fine. But first, like every other mercenary, we negotiate the price for our services.

It’s also time we quit funding the U.N. and all those wretched Arab and Muslim nations that not only bite the hand that feeds them, but revile us as the Great Satan.

I’m not suggesting we de-militarize America. On the contrary, I think it’s high time we declared war on Iran. All of this pussy-footing around with that vile regime reminds me of the Spanish Civil War, when Germany and the Soviet Union took sides in a rehearsal for World War II. So far, the U.S. has gone into Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya, when all along we’ve known who the real enemy has been ever since 1978, when Jimmy Carter rolled out the red carpet for the Ayatollah Khomeini.

It’s always Iran that’s lurking behind the curtain, pulling the strings; providing an endless stream of insurgents; supplying arms, training and explosives, to terrorists; and all the while our enemies in Tehran remain safe and secure.

While each second brings Iran closer to becoming a nuclear threat, we twiddle our thumbs. For decades, we’ve fought wars in which we seem happy to settle for breaking even, instead of winning. We ignore military strategists like Hannibal, Alexander and George Patton, instead promoting the Marquis of Queensbury.

In the past, we demolished our enemies and then set about helping them to rebuild their countries in our own decent image. As a result, Germany and Japan are two of our more steadfast allies. But ever since we started going to war against Muslims in defense of other Muslims, we have demanded that our soldiers fight with one arm, sometimes two arms, tied behind their back, lest they somehow insult Islam.

Any president who insists that mosques or so-called holy cities must remain untouchable during wars in that part of the world should be tried for treason. What else would you call putting our warriors in harm’s way just so we won’t be accused of insulting Muslims?

We should all keep in mind that it’s not the military’s job to build nations or re-build bridges and factories five minutes after knocking them down. If a commander-in-chief can’t grasp that simple fact, perhaps because it’s above his pay grade, he should resign and go back to doing what he did best, whether it was owning a baseball team or organizing a community.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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Thursday, September 1, 2011

Voting’s Not As Easy As It Looks

by BurtPrelutsky

Although I’m still not certain if I would have voted to raise the debt ceiling, I am one of those who believe the Tea Party movement deserves a shout-out for forcing the politicians -- Democrats and Republicans, alike -- to acknowledge that the nation is headed down the fiscal drain.

You should realize that when Republicans such as Michele Bachmann and Rand Paul voted against the measure, it was because the spending cuts were both small and vague, whereas when such liberal stalwarts as Henry Waxman, Charley Rangel, Barney Frank, Maxine Waters and sex offender David Wu, voted “No,” it was because they can’t abide any legislation that doesn’t increase revenue, fees or whatever other euphemism the Left is using for “taxes” this week.

It is high time for people to acknowledge that whereas certain generalities apply to nearly all politicians, ranging from greedy, egotistical and boring to boring, egotistical and greedy, there remains a world of difference between Democrats and Republicans. And whether someone is a perfect conservative or a -- gasp! RINO -- when noses are counted after the 2012 elections, if the GOP wins the Oval Office and assumes the majority in the Senate, we will finally see the adults taking control of America’s spendthrift ways. At least we will if the racist, terrorist, hostage-taking members of the Tea Party movement continue to remind our representatives that the Constitution trumps special interests and that there are millions of votes out here that don’t have to be bought and paid for, but merely earned.

Speaking of voters, anyone who opposes the issuance of national I.D. cards to Americans as a means of establishing a citizen’s right to vote is nothing more or less than a demagogue. We have to identify ourselves every time we cash a check, rent a video or board an airplane, but these swinish left-wingers would have you believe that illegal aliens have the same rights and privileges you do. Of course they say the same thing about Muslim jihadists. That’s because their political agenda is not only antithetical to American principles, but antithetical to logic and commonsense.

In addition to a national I.D. number, if I had my druthers, I would raise the voting age to 26. If you’re still covered by your parents’ insurance policies, you’re not an adult. The only exceptions to the rule would be young people serving in the military. I would also require those people who aren’t old enough to collect Social Security to prove they pay income taxes. If there is a screwier notion than allowing those who pay no income taxes to vote for those in a position to force those of us who do pay them to pay even more for the benefit of those who don’t pay any, I don’t want to hear about it. I’m sure it would make my head explode.

Finally, I would insist that anyone who wishes to cast a ballot prove he can read English by passing a basic civics exam. If you don’t know who George Washington was and you have no idea what the Bill of Rights is, you have no God-given right to cancel out the vote of someone who does.

I mean, for crying out loud, you have to pass a written test and prove you can parallel park to get a driver’s license. In order to vote for our political leaders, shouldn’t you have to prove anything beyond the fact that you’re still alive and breathing -- or, in the case of Chicago elections, that you were ever alive and breathing?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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