Monday, October 31, 2011

CATCHING UP ON THE NEWS

Recently Burt has been unusually productive. Please enjoy this bonus article on BurtPrelutsky.com. The previously scheduled article follows this one. -editor

by BurtPrelutsky

Recently, I took a rare vacation. Inasmuch as I am not gainfully employed, I agree it’s a strange concept. “A vacation from what?” is a question that would certainly spring to my mind. In this case, it meant that I was out of town and off the computer. But, apparently being something of a masochist, I continued to monitor the news of the day. Or, to be precise, I should say the news of the week.

During that period, the leader of the Libyan rebels confirmed that the country would now exist under sharia law. As I expected when I first heard about the Arab Spring, only simpletons can ever be overjoyed at the notion of a tyrant being overthrown in that part of the world. King Farouk was bad, Gamal Nasser was worse. The Shah of Iran was bad, the Ayatollah Khomeini was worse. Hosni Mubarak was bad, the generals are worse. Muammar Kaddafi was bad, his assassins will be worse. I understand that the Muslim Brotherhood has already sent roses and a box of candy to NATO.

When I say that Arab and Muslim coups and revolutions inevitably end badly, I mean for America. For those who live in those countries, it’s merely a matter of trading one set of sadists for another. Because we are the people who benefitted from the efforts of Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison and Franklin, we tend to have a soft spot in our hearts for those who rise up against despots. But, as the results of such uprisings bring the likes of Robespierre, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot and Castro, to power, I’d say that the optimism over such bloody events merely proves that we have an even larger soft spot in our heads.

In the wake of Obama’s announcing that all American troops will be out of Iraq by year’s end, I saw that someone came up with a figure in excess of $800 billion as the cost of the war. Frankly, I was surprised that it hadn’t been even more expensive. The reason I say that is because the price tag was the same as that for Obama’s Stimulus. Frankly, even I was shocked that the Democrats could pass a single piece of loony legislation that cost the American taxpayers as much money as we spent conducting a decade-long war halfway across the world.

Watching as much news as I did, I began to think that I may be the only American who hasn’t been polled in the past month. For some reason, the Occupy Wall Street crowd brought the pollsters out in droves. For instance, I read that 37% of the public agrees with the demonstrators, although none of the pollsters were able to determine what it is that the nebbishes are demonstrating against. What we have been told is that a third of them are okay with using violence to get their way, a third of them find a moral equivalency between the United States and Al Qaeda and, I’m guessing, at least a third of them, who are zealots when it comes to banning tobacco, fossil fuels and those they deem corporate polluters, regard personal hygiene as a sure sign of selling out to a capitalist society.

Harry Reid, who is often in the running when it comes to competing for the most bone-headed statement of the day, week or month, made a valiant attempt to cop the crown by announcing that unemployment in the private sector is in fine shape and now we only need to concern ourselves with government employees. But close, as we all know, only counts in horseshoes.

The clear winner in the competition was Joe Biden for warning us that if the Republicans didn’t pass Obama’s Jobs Bill, aka Bastard Son of Stimulus I, America would be faced with soaring rates of murder and rape.

Now, so far as I can tell, the sociopaths who commit those particular crimes are in no way influenced by the state of the economy, but solely by their own lack of empathy and plain old human decency. Therefore, I can only assume Biden meant that the rapes and murders would be committed by those disgruntled teachers, firemen and cops. You know, the same folks that liberal politicians are forever trying to forge into yet another voting bloc composed of alleged victims.

In short, his basic message is that if you know what’s good for you, you’ll either keep over-feeding the beasts known as public sector unions or you can expect -- and fully deserve -- to suffer the violent consequences.

I must confess that until the Vice-President called it to my attention, I never even suspected that if we downtrodden taxpayers merely asked these people to contribute to their own pension and health plans, we would be personally responsible for turning all these dedicated firemen and seemingly benign math teachers into wild-eyed rapists and murderers.

My own advice is to be sure you pack a .45 the next time you attend a PTA meeting.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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The Republican Mole

by BurtPrelutsky

In the Tea Party, there are wackos. No doubt about it. But they are the exception to the rule. On the other hand, in the case of the Democratic Party, they are the Democratic Party.

Black and Latino politicians like to focus on the large financial gap between their constituencies and white Americans. What they choose to ignore is the humongous gap in education. Although I regard the first four years of liberal arts instruction as an unholy waste of time and money, the way the system is set up, one has to slog through them before going on to become a physician, mathematician, architect, surgeon, lawyer, engineer or CPA. But when most members of the two largest minority groups in America don’t even make it through high school, how on earth can they possibly wind up wealthy unless they are adept at hitting, shooting, running or passing, some type of ball?

It’s not bigotry, as the race hustlers and assorted liberals would have it; it’s reality.

Instead of comparing themselves to rich white people, they should compare themselves to the only minority group that editorial writers and various leftwing sob sisters elect to ignore; namely, Asians. In spite of coming to this country generally speaking a foreign language, they and their children apply themselves and, more often than not, wind up out-earning white Americans by out-learning them.

Roughly 50 years ago, Lyndon Johnson declared a War on Poverty. Several trillions of dollars and countless state and federal feel-good programs later, the poverty level is basically unchanged.

The situation in Africa, in spite of the well-publicized efforts of Matt Damon, George Clooney, Bono and the U.N., is even worse. Considering the cast of characters, a cynic might even say, predictably worse. According to a recent study, in the 1970s, 10% of Africans lived in poverty. Today, the number stands at 70%. God knows Angelina Jolie has done all she can, but she’s only one person and she can’t adopt an entire continent.

The fact is, the War on Poverty, whether in Kenya or Detroit, and just about every other war that the U.S. has waged since 1945 has been an unmitigated disaster.

Am I the only one who finds it odd that although liberals were constantly attacking George W. Bush because he didn’t announce an exit strategy for Iraq, nobody ever demands an exit strategy when it comes to the unending wars on drugs and poverty?

On the other hand, there are a couple of wars that deserve to be waged. Both involve federal expenditures. Although they pale in comparison to the millions of dollars squandered on LightSquared, Solyndra and all those various “green energy” scams pulled off by Al Gore and Obama’s major donors, they are morally reprehensible. For instance, when Eric Holder’s Justice Department holds a conference, money is no object, so long as it’s yours and not theirs. Cookies typically go for $10 each, a cup of coffee runs $8, lunch costs $65 and if anyone feels like a snack, it’s another $32.

I haven’t seen over-runs like these since the last time the Pentagon submitted a budget. It makes you wonder if Michelle Obama is running a catering service out of the White House.

The other financial scandal involves pensions that are paid to 15 former members of Congress who were convicted of felonies including tax evasion, drug possession and racketeering. The list includes 11 Democrats and four Republicans. One of the bums collects $96,575-a-year. All told, these 15 ne’er-do-wells pull down nearly a million dollars annually.

Wouldn’t you think the pension rules would have been changed somewhere along the way, if only to provide Eric Holder with the wherewithal to order more cookies?

Finally, I have decided to make my play for the Pulitzer Prize, which has so far managed to elude me, by breaking the biggest news story of the year. It’s time to reveal the fact that Barack Obama is a Republican plant. In 2008, the RNC realized that after eight years of George Bush, if John McCain was somehow elected, the party was doomed to go the way of the Whigs.

By throwing the election and helping to elect a former community agitator with close ties to unrepentant terrorists, Communists and a racist church, the Republican Party wagered that once he showed his true colors, the voters would come to their collective senses.

But even in their wildest dreams, the GOP never imagined that within two short years, they would pick up Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat and elect a slew of governors and senators in Ohio, Virginia, New Jersey and Florida. When Bob Turner, a Catholic conservative, won the recent election in New York’s predominantly Jewish 9th district, millions of champagne glasses were hoisted all over America toasting their favorite mole, Barack Obama.

It’s ironic that in 2008, unsuspecting Democrats kept insisting that Obama was the Messiah. As things turned out, they were right. Who else, after all, could have raised the Republican Party from the dead?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Potpourri of Idiocy

Sgt. Dakota Meyer, USMC, in Afghanistan
by BurtPrelutsky

In recent weeks, I have come across some news items that prove liberalism isn’t just wrong, but to paraphrase the Munchkins of Oz, it’s morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably, wrong. What’s more, it’s wrong in a great many more places than Washington, D.C. But it is also wrong there, as Rep. Henry Waxman, who has spent well over 30 years representing a predominantly Jewish district here in Los Angeles, proved when he dismissed Robert Turner’s astonishing victory in New York’s 9th congressional district as due solely to the fact that “Jews wanted to protect their wealth.”

Medal of Honor
Well, for one thing, in Obama’s economy, nobody, Jew or Christian, should be insulted for trying to protect whatever money he still has left. For another, Waxman, who owes his political career to wealthy leftwing Jews who have been willing to overlook his appearance and his arrogance, shows himself to be an unmitigated ingrate. How dare he, who has benefitted so greatly from the loyalty of Jewish voters, join the anti-Semites who, throughout history, have spread the libel that Jews are motivated solely by their lust for money? He deserves to be taught a long-overdue lesson by the voters in his L.A. district, but the sad truth is that they, unlike the orthodox Jews of New York’s 9th, are, like Waxman, essentially secular. Their religion is liberalism. Their god is FDR. Their pope is Barack Obama.

That brings me to Dakota Meyer, the 23-year-old Kentuckian who was recently awarded the Medal of Honor. He received the medal because he risked his life to save the lives of 36 others, members of both the U.S. and Afghan military, who had been ambushed by the Taliban. What makes his actions all the more heroic is that he, along with Staff Sergeant Juan Rodriguez-Chavez and Capt. Ademola Fabayo, did it in defiance of direct orders from their commanding officers. At the time, Dakota Meyer was only 21. But the Marine, now a 23-year-old civilian, was already old enough to know that “Semper Fi” is more than a motto on a plaque.

Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus presents the
Navy Cross to Staff Sgt Juan J. Rodríguez-Chávez
As for his former superiors, it’s obvious that they were creatures of the new politically correct military. Therefore, they knew that it was safer not to take risks, because sometimes risks have consequences that can inhibit promotion. Two, they were raised in a political climate that insisted the primary aim of armed conflicts was not victory, but the avoidance of collateral damage, lest the treacherous leftwing press use them as scapegoats in the media’s endless war with the U.S. military

Only an armed services that had been gutted by Bill Clinton, G.W. Bush and Barack Obama, would include nation-building as a wartime objective. For centuries, generals understood that first you crush the enemy, and only then do you offer a helping hand. It worked like a charm with Germany and Japan, but it’s never even been tried in the Middle East, although even a small child can understand that it makes no sense to re-build, at America’s expense, a building or a bridge that you have just blown up. But, then, this is a country that decided that even the benign policy known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was too politically insensitive. That also explains why Major Nidal Hasan was allowed to remain in the Army and murder 13 people at Fort Hood when there was ample evidence that he was a jihadist and belonged either in the brig or a loony bin.

Capt. Fabayo decorated with Navy Cross
by Marine Cmdnt. Gen. James Amos
Finally, it isn’t often that the name of a company tells you as much about itself as does Progressive Insurance. It seems that Peter Lewis, who inherited the business from his father, is dedicated to using his considerable profits by funding every leftwing enterprise that comes courting. While he has every right to donate millions of dollars to the ACLU, MoveOn.Org and America Coming Together (ACT), there’s no reason on earth why conservatives should remain with Progressive. ACT, by the way, was co-founded by Mr. Lewis and George Soros, and is basically a front group for the SEIU thugs who ran ACORN, as well as a major contributor to Barack Obama’s re-election campaign. Another cause to which pothead Peter Lewis has contributed millions of dollars is the legalization of marijuana.

For what it’s worth, the Federal Election Commission found ACT guilty of breaking various campaign finance laws during the 2004 presidential election, but settled the matter with a $750,000 fine. I suspect that Soros and Lewis took care of it with the loose change they found under their living room cushions.

Americans are free to do business with whomever they like, but I can’t imagine why conservatives would remain with Progressive any more than I can imagine why any Republican would stick with AARP when AMAC is available. It’s not as if America lacks for insurance companies.

Although, come to think of it, perhaps there should be one more insurance company; one that offers protection to those gullible folks who are unaware that their hard-earned dollars are going to support the pinheaded agendas of their mortal enemies.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Thursday, October 27, 2011

HANDICAPPING THE CONTENDERS

by BurtPrelutsky

I have now sat through all of the GOP debates and have come to a few conclusions. First, they should not be called debates. They are actually Meet the Candidates events. As such, they serve a useful purpose. But they are not debates. If they were, Newt Gingrich would have the nomination sewn up by this time. Unfortunately for the former Speaker of the House, the ability to speak quickly and coherently on a number of issues isn’t enough.

I hasten to add that I happen to agree with Mr. Gingrich that he is the smartest man in politics. He probably has more good ideas in a day than some of the other contenders have had in their entire lives. For Gingrich, the tragedy is that he carries around more baggage than the average bellhop. It’s not just that he has a checkered personal past that involves wives and lovers. There was also that multi-million dollar book deal he made with Rupert Murdoch while he was still in Congress. Nothing wrong with a congressman looking to make a few extra dollars; the problem was that Gingrich chaired a committee whose responsibilities included determining ownership of media outlets, a matter of great concern to Mr. Murdoch. When the spam hit the fan, Gingrich grudgingly gave back the money.

But from my personal perspective, money remains far too important to the man. Otherwise, why does he send my wife letters begging for donations three or four times a week, and has done so for years, long before he threw his hat in the ring? And while it’s really none of my business how anyone elects to spend his own money, I must say I was flabbergasted when we learned that the man had somehow managed to run up a $500,000 tab at Tiffany’s. The question that pops to mind is whether President Gingrich would try to pass his own stimulus bill just to cover the cost of his wife’s jewelry.

If I could cobble together a dream candidate, he would have Romney’s looks, Cain’s charm, Santorum’s values, Bachmann’s decency, Gingrich’s grasp of the issues and Ron Paul’s passionate followers. Jon Huntsman’s problems are myriad, not the least of which is that he looks exactly like every villainous politician ever portrayed on “Law and Order” whose corruption begins but doesn’t end with his having a bunch of chippies on his office staff.

The good news for the GOP is that Barack Obama, the four trillion dollar man, is the most beatable Democrat since Jimmy Carter. The bad news for certain segments of the party is that Paul Ryan, Sarah Palin, Mitch Daniels, Marco Rubio, Donald Trump and Chris Christie, decided not to run. For some, the problem is that Tim Pawlenty tried but failed. For still others, the heartbreak of psoriasis is nothing compared to the fact that Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman and Mr. Gingrich, haven’t managed to gain any traction, with the Iowa caucus looming right around the corner.

That leaves Rick Perry, Herman Cain and Mitt Romney, to duke it out. Of the three, I prefer Mr. Cain, even though I don’t believe his 9-9-9 (aka 9-0-9) plan would do much, if anything, to turn around the economy. I like him and I trust him and, of all the candidates, he’s the one with whom I could bear to spend time. That may not be the best reason for electing a president, but it’s a better reason than I usually have.

My problem with Governor Perry isn’t just that he appears terribly uncomfortable on the debate stage or that he doesn’t even speak as well as George W. Bush did. The reason I don’t believe he is presidential material is because his attacks on Romney reek of the schoolyard. I couldn’t believe it when he decided that by bringing up the old news that Romney once employed a landscaper who apparently once employed an illegal alien, he believed he had a gotcha moment that would send him soaring in the polls and straight into the White House.

Now I fully acknowledge that Romney wouldn’t be my favorite alternative to Obama, but at that moment, I felt as if I was looking at a man being attacked by a gnat and, at least in my mind, the governor’s last name changed forever from Perry to Petty.

What made the attack even more embarrassing is that the Texas governor has boots of clay. After all, he would not only have seen to it that the gardener’s kid received in-state tuition, but labeled any Republican who objected a heartless bigot.

I am willing to wager that Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee, and not just because he has the most money, the most professional organization and the best-looking family. I give the American voter more credit than that.

Instead, as I see it, he will be the last man standing because he’s taller than Perry and has more hair than Cain.




©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Monday, October 24, 2011

Cutting Through the Political Manure

by BurtPrelutsky

When Obama insists that tax hikes will be offset by future spending cuts, run -- don’t walk! -- and hang on to your wallets. When it comes to keeping their promises, politicians are notoriously untrustworthy.

Back in the 70s, Nixon and Kissinger agreed to withdraw from Vietnam on the condition that Congress would continue supplying our South Vietnam allies with money and armaments. Congress didn’t, and as a result, the Communists massacred millions of Southeast Asians.

In 1982, Reagan signed the Tax Equity and Fiscal Responsibility Act (TEFRA), which congressional Democrats promised would lead to three dollars in spending cuts for every dollar in tax increases. Take a guess which one didn’t happen. The tax increases, by the way, were to be obtained by closing tax loopholes. (Sound vaguely familiar?)

Reagan lived to regret that deal, but it didn’t prevent the Gipper from being snookered yet again in 1986, when he signed a general amnesty for illegal aliens because the Democrats vowed to close the borders. We can all see, 15 million illegal aliens later, how well that worked out.

Reagan’s successor, George H.W. Bush, clearly wasn’t paying close attention because he pledged not to raise taxes -- “Read my lips”-- because the Democrats promised budget cuts.

I swear, the only example I can think of where one party has been sucker-punched more often than Republican presidents is America’s favorite nebbish, Charlie Brown, who kept falling for Lucy’s promise not to pull the football away when he was about to kick it.

If there are bigger dummies than those Republicans who trust liberals to behave honorably, it must be those besotted voters who proudly identify themselves as Independents.

I know they puff themselves up because, unlike those of us who realize that there are existential wars being waged between Israel and the Palestinians, between western civilization and Islam, and between conservatives and leftists, they like to regard themselves as clear-thinking individuals who are above what they ignorantly dismiss as partisan frays.

They bray that they want to see Republicans and Democrats act in concert, joining together to do what’s best for America. What they are too dumb to recognize is that there is no conceivable common ground when one side, in its perpetual trolling for support from unions and minority groups, regards tax dollars as the easiest and cheapest way to buy votes. One side believes in smaller government, the abiding wisdom of the Constitution and American sovereignty; the other side believes that the federal government should be even larger and more powerful; that the Constitution isn’t worth the parchment it’s written on; and that American sovereignty is a foolish conceit, and that American law and influence should be subordinate to the United Nations, the World Court, the ACLU, Sharia and Obama’s whims.

Having recently seen a production of 1776, I was reminded that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson couldn’t wait to get away from the Continental Congress. Part of the reason was the weather in a pre-air conditioned Philadelphia and part of the reason was that they missed their wives. For his part, George Washington turned down the crown and only agreed to be President because he put love of country ahead of his personal preferences.

Compare that to our current politicians, who must be dragged kicking and screaming from office. It suggests to me that life in our nation’s capital is far too comfy these days. Therefore, I move that we cut off air conditioning in the summer and the heat in winter. Only when Barney Frank starts sweating like a pig and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz starts whining about the cold will we see how dedicated they, along with Henry Waxman, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, are to public service.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, October 22, 2011

Aging Beats the Alternative

by BurtPrelutsky

When people get to talking about the major changes they've witnessed in their lifetime, I find that, more often than not, they end up listing technological advances. Rockets to the moon, computers, television, nuclear power, heart transplants, supersonic jets, the Pill and Viagra, tend to make everybody's short list.

I'm sure I'm overlooking some obvious choices, but that's because inventions and scientific discoveries don't astound me to the extent they do other folks. I'm not certain why that is, but I suspect that I long ago depleted my lifetime supply of awe.

The stuff that used to knock me for a loop were everyday things like cars, phones and electricity -- things that actually changed the physical landscape on a massive scale. What truly astonished me about them was the amount of gall it took for someone to assume the world would go all topsy-turvy just to accommodate his brainstorm.

Take the automobile, for instance. Imagine, you wake up in the middle of the night with that particular notion buzzing around in your bonnet. You begin mulling it over from every angle. Right off the bat, you realize that millions of roads will have to be paved and lines painted. Next comes the realization that traffic lights and illumination will have to be provided. By the time you got around to accepting the fact that gas stations and garages would have to pop up like wild flowers to keep all those jalopies running, a lesser man would have tossed in the towel.

Speaking as a lesser man, if I'd been the fellow who came up with the internal combustion brainstorm, I'd have turned over and gone back to sleep. And at breakfast the next morning, I'd have been urging my son to become a blacksmith, a career with a real future.

To my way of thinking, the biggest change that occurred in my lifetime took place during the 1960's. I refer to the fact that, for the first time in recorded history, adolescents stopped wanting to emulate their parents, and, instead, grown-ups wanted to be teenagers.

Overnight, enormous numbers of adults decided to use sex and drugs as a form of rebellion. A half century later, I'm still not sure what they were rebelling against, or exactly how tie-dyed shirts and platform shoes figured in the overall plan, but I thought they were goofy then and, in most cases, those folks and their offspring remain goofy to this day. So, in case you were wondering where all the liberal airheads come from, now you know.

I have noticed that I'm not as worried about getting old as most other people. I'm happy to say I still turn to the sports section before the obituaries, although I do find myself clucking my tongue over the death of some eighty year old stranger, and muttering, "Someone that young, I wonder if it was murder or suicide."

Having started losing my hair when I was quite young and never having been what one would call a hunk, I find that I have only one really major gripe with this whole aging process. What's the deal with the earlobes? I mean, really, one day they look cute and perky, exactly the way they always have; the next morning, you wake up looking like something out of Ripley's Believe It Or Not, with these Ubangi lobes that look as if bones should be stuck through them.

I realize it's further proof that God has a sense of humor, but I can’t help wishing He had a better one.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Shooting Holes in Obama’s Campaign Strategy

by BurtPrelutsky

For three years, I have pointed out that even a broken clock is right twice a day, but I am still waiting for Barack Obama to be right even once.

That sort of honesty has led some people to accuse me of failing to give Chairman Obama credit when it’s due. I’d reply that I was still waiting and they’d insist I wasn’t really trying. I did want to be fair and balanced, at least so long as that didn’t mean I had to give equal time to Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Leslie Marshall and Juan Williams, so I racked and re-racked my brains until I finally came up with two accomplishments that even I have to grant merit praise. By appointing the governors of Kansas and Arizona, Kathleen Sebelius and Janet Napolitano, to head up Health and Human Resources and Homeland Security, respectively, Obama cleared the way for Republicans Sam Brownback and Jan Brewer to take up residence in the governor’s mansion. I hope that finally silences my critics.

Obama is convinced that by running against congressional Republicans, he’ll coast to victory in 2012. That’s what comes from counting on people like David Axelrod, Valerie Jarrett and Rahm Emanuel, for advice. For one thing, poll numbers on Congress are misleading. Voters may have a negative opinion of Congress in general, but that’s because they despise certain high-profile members of the other party, such as Pelosi, Waxman and Reid or Boehner, Cantor and McConnell, but they don’t usually hate their own representatives.

However, when a president’s poll numbers are in the toilet, that does mean something. So Obama can spend from now until November, 2012, berating conservatives, but on Election Day, the voters won’t be choosing between him and the House of Representatives, they’ll be choosing between Rick Perry, Mitt Romney or Michele Bachmann, and the guy who swore his trillion dollar stimulus bill and another three trillion dollars in additional spending would cure our unemployment woes and jump-start our stagnant economy, and instead made everything worse and wound up costing our nation its triple-A credit rating.

Voters will also recall that members of his administration tried to convince us that endless extensions of unemployment benefits, along with 47 million Americans collecting food stamps, were sure signs of economic growth.

I, for one, find it difficult to imagine that anyone on Obama’s re-election team can take a look at all the elections that liberals have lost since 2008 -- including those in Virginia, New Jersey and Massachusetts, where Obama spent months campaigning -- and feel even slightly optimistic about next year’s results.

During the first two years of his administration, when the liberals controlled the Oval Office and both houses of Congress, Obama took delight in steamrollering over Republicans. He arrogantly reminded John McCain, just in case he’d forgotten, who had won the election when the senator simply, and politely, objected to a piece of proposed legislation. Furthermore, Obama characterized the Republicans as obstructionists when they balked at supporting his plans to redistribute America’s wealth, while he, himself, was too busy golfing and trolling for campaign funds to propose a budget or present a plan to curtail spending. He told the Republicans to shut up and eat their peas. I would have told him to eat this!

It was only after the Republicans, many of them Tea Party candidates, took control of the House in the 2010 elections that “bi-partisanship” became an essential part of Obama’s mantra. But of course by his definition, it meant that Republicans would join Democrats in supporting his radically insane agenda. When this galoot speaks of compromise, he means that conservatives are supposed to compromise their principles so that he can continue to turn America into a third world socialistic state.

Don Quixote, who was nuts but courageous, did battle against windmills. Obama, who is nuts but arrogant, is equally fixated on them. He has squandered hundreds of billions of our tax dollars subsidizing their manufacture, along with anything else that doesn’t depend on coal, oil or nuclear power. Whereas Don Quixote was a noble, but foolish, character who believed he was risking his life to battle against evil giants, Don Obama, whose personal carbon footprint is roughly the size of Montana, doesn’t really believe that the oil and coal industries are evil; he is merely taking his marching orders from the petty left-wing tyrants who fill the rosters of the environmentalist movement. It will make things ever so much clearer if you think of them as Big Green.

Recently, White House liar-in-chief Jay Carney deigned to appear on The Factor with Bill O’Reilly. At one point, Carney made a doozy of a Freudian slip. Because O’Reilly, as usual, was yakking when he should have been listening, he missed it and made no comment. Inasmuch as Carney’s job description is to spin like a top for Obama, it’s probably not too surprising if he occasionally gets dizzy and mixes up his clichés, as he did when he told O’Reilly, “As the president has said, it’s time to put Party ahead of Country.”

Even though I realized that Carney had simply botched up a sound bite, this rare example of political honesty had me running outside to see if the moon had turned blue or if hell had finally frozen over.con

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Monday, October 17, 2011

Introducing Tom Dewey to Barack Obama

by BurtPrelutsky

By this time, we’re all aware that union thugs, including nurses and school teachers, not only went AWOL from their jobs, but caused over seven million dollars in damage to Wisconsin’s state capitol when they stormed Madison and tried to bully Governor Walker and the state legislators into capitulating to their outlandish demands. What you may not have heard about is that hundreds of goons from the Longshoreman’s Union descended on the Port of Longview (Washington), broke down gates, smashed windows, overpowered security guards, damaged railroad cars, cut brake lines and dumped carloads of grain, in a jurisdictional dispute with a different union.

Speaking of union thugs, Teamster boss Jimmy Hoffa welcomed Chairman Obama to a Labor Day celebration by calling on his members to take out Tea Party members. I don’t believe he was suggesting an evening of dinner and slow dancing.

It all leads me to pose the following question: What is the difference between the folks who do the bidding of union bosses and Hitler’s Brown Shirts? Answer: The Nazis had a better dress code.

Watching Barack Obama demand that Congress pass his Jobs Act, a half trillion dollar bill that hasn’t been written and calls for funding with money that doesn’t exist, is a classic case of déjà vu. One can’t help being reminded of ObamaCare, which, as Nancy Pelosi coyly pointed out at the time, required passage as a precursor to our knowing what it said.

Thomas E. Dewey (1902-1974)
It’s obvious that Obama realizes that no Republican is going to agree to raise taxes to finance this latest bit of legislative lunacy. He tosses it out for no other reason than as a way to blame Congress for record unemployment and a disastrous economy as he campaigns for re-election.

Clearly, someone, David Axelrod perhaps, remembered that Harry Truman successfully used Congress as a scapegoat when he won the 1948 election. There are a few important differences, however. One, the opposition party controlled both houses in 1948. In Obama’s case, his own party controlled both houses from 2006-2010 and still controls the Senate.

For another thing, Truman was running against Tom Dewey, who had not only been walloped badly by a nearly comatose FDR in 1944, but had been famously mocked by Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Teddy Roosevelt’s socialite daughter, as bearing a striking resemblance to the little man who stands atop wedding cakes. Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney, on the other hand, are not only more photogenic than Obama, but are far less arrogant, annoying and narcissistic.

Finally, Harry Truman had been the man who green-lighted the dropping of A-Bombs on Japan, bringing World War II to an abrupt and joyous conclusion.

Although Obama will try to cast himself as the guy who single-handedly brought down Osama bin Laden, most people will recall how he hogged the credit, making it sound during his victory lap as if he and not the Navy Seals had carried off the mission.

Aside from those parasites feeding off the public trough, the majority of American voters will see him as the nincompoop they associate with the trillion dollar stimulus; ObamaCare; Cash for Clunkers; a fixation on “green” jobs; appointing leftwing dingbats like Kagan and Sottomayor to the Supreme Court; making the racist gun runner Eric Holder head of the Justice Department; kowtowing to Islamics while kicking Israel in the teeth; ignoring the counsel of his military advisors, instead using our young warriors as political pawns; and, lest we forget, lecturing Republicans on civility while turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to his political henchmen when they refer to conservatives as bigots, fascists, hostage-taking terrorists and, most recently, as sons of bitches.

About the only good thing that Obama can take credit for is that he has led millions of people to re-read their Bibles. It’s not that they’re seeking confirmation that he is in fact the Second Coming of the Messiah, a role in which he cast himself in 2008, when he spoke of himself as The One who would see to it that the oceans would recede and the planet would heal and America would, all thanks to him, be radically transformed.

Rather, the faithful are going back to the Good Book in order to better compare biblical plagues to those wrought by Barack Obama.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, October 15, 2011

THE LIBERAL GAME SHOW

by BurtPrelutsky

Because liberal politicians always want to paint life in America as bleak and miserable, a place that would be a living hell if not for their superhuman efforts, they are always telling lies and gaming statistics. For instance, when they start yammering about all the poor souls living under the poverty line, a line by the way that is only slightly more believable than the one that a lounge lizard feeds a dumb blonde, they neglect to take into account food stamps, health care, education expenses and unreported, under the table, income. The last of these includes day labor, burglaries and illegal drug sales. In fact, when you realize that nine percent of the population suffers from some form of drug dependency, it’s a miracle that our unemployment rate isn’t even higher than it is.

Of course when liberals aren’t denouncing America, some of them stay busy holding benefits for Africa. I must confess that of all the charitable activities available to Americans, those targeting Africa strike me as the goofiest. In fact, sometimes I think that the continent primarily exists so that do-gooders can feel they have a purpose in life. And, unlike some charities, such as those devoted to eliminating a disease or helping people get their lives back in shape after suffering the horrors of a natural disaster, the upside of helping Africans is that there is no end in sight. When Bono is one very elderly Irishman, I can assure you that Africa will still require his constant attention.

Frankly, I don’t know why anyone would devote so much time and effort to the place. It is a pig sty of a continent. It is home to slavery; to the vile practice of female circumcision; to Muslim terrorists and pirates; it’s a place where the rules of war invariably involve kidnapping, rape and maiming; and, for good measure, where men suffering from AIDS believe that unprotected sex with young virgins is a cure, or at least so they say.

It’s also the place where freedom from Europe’s colonial powers didn’t bring democracy, but only provided black degenerates with the opportunity to prove how much crueler they could be than the English, Spanish, French, Dutch and German, overseers had ever been.

Recently, a bunch of show business celebrities shot a TV spot where “famine” was referred to as the f-word. Afterwards, I’m sure they all patted themselves on the back for their humane efforts. But did any of them ever ask how it is that famine is as commonplace in Africa as egotism is in Hollywood? At some point, wouldn’t you think that after all this time those millions of people would have figured out how to feed themselves without George Clooney’s assistance?

Here in the States, we have the Occupy Wall Street oafs demonstrating against something or other. As close as anyone can figure, they don’t like a lot of money winding up in anyone else’s hands. What makes it so fascinating is that they’re getting a lot of shout-outs from various liberals. Even Obama, who has received more campaign contributions from Wall Street than any politician in history, has given them his personal seal of approval.

According to CelebrityNetWorth.com, the 10 richest people who have had good things to say about the street rabble have been Yoko Ono (whose wealth is estimated to be half a billion dollars); Russell Simmons ($325 million); Roseanne Barr ($80 million); Deepak Chopra ($80 million); Kanye West ($70 million); Alec Baldwin ($65 million); Susan Sarandon ($50 million); Michael Moore ($50 million); Tim Robbins ($50 million); and Nancy Pelosi ($35.5 million).

What I make of all this is that America has the richest, as well as the most insufferable, Communists in the world. Also, I now understand how, when Roseanne Barr said that everyone who had more than $100 million should be beheaded, she arrived at that seemingly arbitrary figure.

Looking at that list makes me wonder what people do with all that money. I mean, after you buy a palace to live in for, say, $20 million, what do you do with all the rest? Even if you toss in a yacht, an expensive wardrobe and a team of servants, how do you even keep track of all that loot?

I had thought that at this late date, Obama had apologized to every nation on earth, but I heard a rumor that he wanted to apologize to Japan for our having dropped the A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but that Japanese diplomats had nixed it. I don’t blame them. It might call to attention the fact that Japan never apologized for Pearl Harbor; for the death march at Corregidor; for the American, British and Australian, POWs they slaughtered; for their butchery in Manchuria, Burma and the Philippines; and for kidnapping thousands and thousands of Chinese and Korean women for use in their military brothels.

But you can’t really expect patriotism or even perspective from Obama. In the history lessons he received from his radical professors and his demented religious mentors, it’s only the United States that has ever been guilty of crimes and atrocities.

Because liberals deal solely in lies, theirs is an even more vile currency than China’s corrupt yuan. One need only hear the likes of Nancy Pelosi insist that what heartless Republicans want is for women to die on the floor and for health care providers not to intervene. An obvious fabrication, at least so far as this heartless Republican is concerned. What I want is for women such as Nancy Pelosi, Loretta Sanchez, Maxine Waters, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Sheila Jackson Lee, to die on the floor of the House and for health care providers not to intervene.

Because I have a few friends who have done exceptionally well in the world of TV game shows, I am always trying to come up with a new one. My latest brainstorm involves a lie detector that would provide an electrical shock every time a contestant failed to provide an honest answer. For the pilot, I would like to hook up Henry Waxman. The typically good-looking, charming, host (feel free to picture me) would ask the congressman a series of questions. For instance, I might start out with, “Congressman, you have said that the only reason a Jew would ever vote for a Republican is because of his own personal greed. Do you actually believe that?”

“Yes, I…(yowl)…I really do…(howl)…Certainly I…(blood-curdling scream)…”

Next week, tune in when we put Harry Reid in the hot seat.


©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Thursday, October 13, 2011

DEFENDING RINOS AND MORMONS

by BurtPrelutsky

I must confess that I’ve been getting a kick out of Democrats trying to align themselves with the Occupy Wall Street mob. If ever a political stratagem was destined to blow up in their face, this is it. For folks who like to brag about their knowledge of history, it’s amazing that they’ve already forgotten what the Yuppies demonstrating in the streets of Chicago did to enhance Hubert Humphrey’s chances of defeating Richard Nixon in 1968. And at least those chowderheads could claim that they were demonstrating against the Vietnam War. Ask these baboons what they’re demonstrating against and, depending on whom you speak to, you might be told Goldman Sachs, banks in general, George Bush, the Tea Party, oil companies, the U.S. military, Fox News or Martians.

As movements go, this one doesn’t even compare with the one I had this morning.

With Election Day still about a year off, I am already getting into arguments with those conservatives who regard RINO as the dirtiest four-letter word in the English language. For some reason, they can’t accept that the majority of Americans are not as conservative as they are. I don’t know why that is. You would think the indisputable fact that very few actual conservatives win Republican primaries would convince them, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. No matter how many times I point out that in the Northeast, we’re fortunate that anyone with an (R) after his or her name can get elected, and that even though Collins, Snowe and Brown, aren’t exactly in the mold of John Kyl or Rush Limbaugh, it certainly beats having three Democrats helping Harry Reid maintain control of the Senate.

RINO (Republican In Name Only)
So, instead of defaming RINOs, we should thank them for helping to keep our numbers competitive on Capitol Hill. If you think otherwise, ask yourself whom you prefer to have chairing committees: Darrel Issa or Henry Waxman, Peter King or Sheila Jackson Lee?

Also, please keep in mind that these days Ronald Reagan not only wouldn’t pass muster as a true Conservative, he would be disdained as a flip-flopper. For one thing, he was a Democrat for a great many years. Then, as governor, he raised taxes twice here in California and signed the most liberal abortion bill in America, although he later said he regretted it. Finally, as president, he signed the amnesty bill that opened the floodgates to millions and millions of illegals. I don’t recall if he ever said he regretted it, but, speaking as a resident of a border state, I certainly do. In other words, any complaint that a Republican feels like leveling at Romney or Perry could, with equal justification, be lodged against The Gipper.

I found it fascinating that Diane Sawyer voiced support for the Occupy Wall Street crowd when they attack the 1% of Americans who are the biggest money-earners. In order to be included in that group, it seems that you have to make at least $1.1 million-a-year. Ms. Sawyer, as well as every other high-profile member of the MSM, along with just about every Democrat in the Senate, George Soros, Warren Buffet, Nancy Pelosi, Ted Turner, Bill Gates, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, James Carville, Bill and Hillary Clinton, David Letterman, Bill Maher and Michael Moore, all make several times that amount.

But, of course, most members of the street mob don’t care about the political affiliation of those they despise. In that way, they resemble the liberal loons in Hollywood, where it’s not enough that they succeed, it’s also essential that everybody else fail. So, no matter what Nancy Pelosi and Diane Sawyer may claim to the contrary, I believe that the Occupiers are less concerned with becoming rich themselves than with punishing those who are already wealthy.

Another group with whom I have a bone to pick are those people who oppose Mitt Romney simply because he’s a Mormon. I hoped that we had left religious bigotry in our wake when we elected John Kennedy, a Catholic, in 1960, but apparently that’s not the case.

I may not see eye-to-eye with Romney on all the issues, but opposing a good family man who is clearly decent and honest because of his religion strikes me as vile and decidedly un-American. I would urge you all to keep in mind that he’s not running to be your pastor, priest or rabbi. To think otherwise puts you, mentally, on a par with a jihadist.

As for Democrats who will attempt to demonize Gov. Romney on the basis of his faith, they would do well to keep in mind that if Romney is a cultist, so is his co-religionist, Harry Reid. The major difference, of course, is that Sen. Reid really does belong to a dangerous cult. It’s called liberalism.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Monday, October 10, 2011

OCCUPYING WALL STREET AND MY BRAIN

by BurtPrelutsky

I have heard that rich knuckleheads are paying some of the folks camping out on Wall Street and in financial districts around the country. At first, it only amused me to think that people who refuse to be paid minimum wage to flip burgers, which is at least a job that can lead to better jobs and is understood by everyone to be an actual job, were quite willing to be paid a minimum wage to stand around in filthy clothes and defecate in the street.

As a career, I suppose it offers certain advantages; namely the freedom not to shower, show up at a given time or deal with those pesky dry cleaners. On the other hand, I had always assumed that even liberal arts majors generally aspire to become something other than a bum.

If today, as my wife’s magazines keep insisting, 70 is the new 60, 60 is the new 50, and 50 is the new 40, these young guttersnipes remind us that 20 is the new 10.

That’s not to say that they are all young and spoiled, because some are obviously old and spoiled. They are the aged hippies, still hanging on to their granny glasses and ponytails. They’re the sad relics who show up at the airport, having no place to go, but merely in the hope that some obliging TSA agent will pat them down.

Looking at them, I am reminded of the first time that I ventured into a health food store in order to write a column about the experience back in the late 60s. No matter where I looked, everything I saw was puny, pitted, dried out and wrinkled. And, as I wrote at the time, the store’s merchandise looked equally unappealing.

Lest you think that I am unaware of my own flaws and foibles, I have already written about my earlobes which, at my advanced age, have begun to resemble those depicted in Robert Ripley’s old Believe It or Not cartoons of African tribesmen, who apparently adorned their own lobes by sticking small logs through them. I am considering it.

Also, long after losing the hair on top of my head, I have somehow managed to sprout hair in places I never dreamed it could possibly take root. Sometimes, I wonder if I could sue the shampoo company that insisted I should only use their product, never soap, on my head. Inasmuch as I now only have hair where I previously only used soap, I suspect that a sharp lawyer could make me very rich; especially if we were lucky enough to wind up with a bald judge and 12 bald jurors.

While I’m in this confessional mood, I should mention that this afternoon, I heard a wine expert on the radio describing himself as someone who likes to catalog information. I immediately perked up. That’s what I like to do. But until hearing him say those words, I had merely regarded myself as someone who made lists. Lots of lists. By now, I could probably have a page all to myself in the Guinness Book of World Records if I hadn’t hidden my light under a bushel for all these years. For instance, since the age of 11, I have kept track of every book I have ever read. Even I can acknowledge that’s pretty weird.

So you can see where a person who keeps lists might not want it to get around. But a cataloger of information has quite a nice ring to it. It almost sounds like a scientist. At the very least, it sounds like a vocation, as opposed to a minor mental aberration.

Besides being a cataloger, one of my favorite pastimes consists of turning up examples of irony. So, for instance, I recently read about a Civil War general who, during a battle, told a young Union private that he had nothing to fear from Confederate riflemen, because, “They can’t hit the side of a barn.” The general was shot and killed instantly, having barely finished the sentence.

Now, to some, that would be ironic. But to me, that’s more of an amusing coincidence.

On the other hand, it would be classic irony if, at the time, the sniper had actually been aiming at the side of a barn.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Defining “Anosognosia”

by BurtPrelutsky

Although, as a rule, I prefer avoiding using words in my articles that will send most normal people scurrying for their dictionary, I only recently came across anosognosia and I felt I should share it because it so perfectly describes the mental condition of liberals. It is the total unawareness of one’s own disease, disability or defect. So when we find ourselves asking why leftists think and act as they do, apparently living in a fantasy world totally disconnected from reality, at least we now know there’s a word that defines it.

I mean, what other reason would any American have for supporting the United Nations? By this time, rational people would understand that the U.N. is merely a larger, more corrupt, version of the League of Nations. Between 1919 and its dissolution in 1946, for all its self-laudatory hyperbole, the League stood idly by while Japan invaded Manchuria, Italy slaughtered Ethiopians and Hitler marched into Czechoslovakia and Poland.

That should have been the end of it, but, instead, like one of those creatures from “Night of the Living Dead,” it rose from the grave and morphed into the U.N. And ever since, we Americans have provided the vile thing with shelter, 25% of its upkeep and 100% of any necessary renovations. And for what? So that the handful of decent nations that still exist in the world can consistently be out-voted by the Arab and Muslim members; and when more votes are required, there’s always Russia, China, Cuba, Laos, Cambodia, Uganda and the Congo, ready to pitch in.

This is an organization that votes resolutions every other day condemning Israel, but nary a one against the Palestinians or the folks murdering Christians in the Middle East or the vile nations that at this late date are still dealing in the African slave trade.

Although those on the Left love to deal in moral equivalency when it was, say, a comparison between the U.S. and the Soviet Union or the Arab assassins of Munich and the Israelis who tracked them down, you never hear them comparing the member states of the U.N. to Murder Incorporated or the Barbary pirates, which would make a great deal more sense.

Donald Trump has kindly offered to purchase the U.N. Building, even though he would have to tear down the eyesore and then spend a bloody fortune to detoxify the land after all these years of contamination. If I were in charge, I would say, “Donald, you’ve got yourself a deal. Is ten dollars too much to ask?”

Not that far from the U.N., we have Wall Street, where thousands of young zombies have been congregating for some time, apparently in the belief that a rock concert is about to begin. I can only imagine that they were heading for Woodstock and got turned around when they found themselves stuck in Manhattan traffic.

Even though these demonstrations have caught on like a virus and are taking place all around the country, I’m actually getting a kick out of them. That’s because I am imagining the parents -- well-intentioned idiots who forked over thousands of dollars to send these young saps off to academia, where leftwing Dr. Frankensteins, posing as professors, could replace their brains with those of parrots -- sitting home and watching the inevitable play out on their TVs.

Again, if I were in charge, I would round up these young idiots, together with Obama and all of his enablers in Congress, the public sector unions and the media, and send them off with one-way tickets to live in Greece. There they could experience firsthand the glories of socialism that they’ve espoused for decades.

Speaking of Chairman Obama, I can’t help noticing that every time he gives a political speech, which is every day that ends with a “y,” he insists that he wants to spend more tax dollars in order to save the jobs of cops, teachers and firemen. I’m sure it makes for nice reading in union newsletters, but the fact is, it’s always his wealthy cronies, especially those heavily invested in the green energy con game, who seem to be his major beneficiaries.

On top of that, if the federal government didn’t bleed the states and municipalities like the world’s biggest leech, they could deal with their own cops, teachers and firemen, as ordained in the Constitution.

Perhaps, in a fit of sanity, the states might then consider de-unionizing civil service employees. The whole idea behind a person hooking up with the government was supposed to be job security. The fact that these people now draw bigger salaries and fatter pensions than the folks in the private sector merely confirms that when the inmates run the asylum, nobody should be too surprised when it’s sane people who get locked up in the padded rooms.

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Chastising Colmes, Cain and Coulter

by BurtPrelutsky

I am not a wealthy person. If I were, I would pay as little in income taxes as I could possibly get away with. I would hire excellent accountants to assist me in this endeavor. For one thing, I’d know that I was already paying far too much in a nation in which nearly half the people don’t pay anything. For another, I would regard it as something of a sacred mission to make sure that the federal government didn’t get its hands on any more of my money than I could help, in the same way that I wouldn’t finance a drug addict if I happened to be related to one. And unlike all those various goons and chiselers I despise in Washington, I might actually like my relative.

However, if I were one of those rich people like Nancy Pelosi, Matt Damon, Roseanne Barr and Warren Buffett, who keep yammering like a bunch of monkeys that taxes should be raised on the well-to-do, I would shut my mouth and simply write a real big check and mail it off to the IRS. After all, just because normal people prefer to donate their hard-earned money to the Salvation Army, the Boy Scouts, cancer research and their church or synagogue, it doesn’t mean that left-wing morons can’t donate to their own favorite charity, which just happens to be the federal government.

Although the next election is still a year away, it’s not too early to start objecting to lame duck sessions. Why on earth should a president, a senator and a member of Congress, continue to stay on the job that he’s just lost? Perhaps in the old days, when people had to travel by horse and buggy, and Philadelphia and Washington, D.C., were far away, it took time for winning candidates to get to the nation’s capital. But today, anyone can get there in less than 24 hours.

In the private sector, when you lose a job, you clean out your drawers and leave the same day. At most, you might get two weeks’ notice. But in Washington, you get to stick around for nearly three additional months. If you were voted out, it’s because we’re sick and tired of the mischief you’ve been creating for the past two, four or six years, and we want you gone. From my point of view, it shouldn’t even be legal that people who have been voted out of office get to keep writing bills and passing laws.

Speaking of things that make no sense, I realize that Fox likes to promote itself as the network that’s “Fair and Balanced.” So I wouldn’t object if they invited left-wingers on to debate issues once in a great while. I might even consider it a public service. After all, I find that after five minutes of listening to Alan Colmes, Leslie Marshall, Geraldo Rivera or Marc Lamont Hill, doing their best to prop up Barack Obama, I’m reminded all over again why liberals should never be trusted anywhere near sharp tools, machinery or voting booths. But when, time and again, I see Juan Williams on Bret Baier’s panel or find him sitting in for Bill O’Reilly, I can’t help wondering what the heck the man has on Roger Ailes. But whatever it is, it must pale by comparison to what Bob Beckel has on the old man. At least Juan Williams manages to remain upright and awake during his appearances, even if I don’t.

I must admit I was disappointed when I heard Herman Cain pile on Rick Perry. If I had his ear, I would tell him that just because a reporter asks you a question, there is no good reason to waste your time answering it. Remember, he is not your friend and even if you get the nomination, he will not vote for you. In fact, he will do everything in his power to make certain you lose the election. So, if you want to insult someone, make it Obama. Saying “no comment” is not only permissible, it should be mandatory when the question involves another Republican contender.

What Mr. Cain, along with all the other men and women seeking the GOP nomination, should keep in mind is that knocking your competitors is not going to gain you any votes. It will merely make his or her supporters think less of you. The reason that Mrs. Bachmann went down in the polls, even after nosing out Ron Paul in that silly popularity contest in Iowa, is because she wasted time in two debates engaged in pissing contests with Tim Pawlenty and Rick Perry. It hurt them without helping her, giving new meaning to a Pyrrhic victory

For some reason, Republican politicians keep paying homage to Ronald Reagan, all the while ignoring his 11th Commandment. It’s high time the candidates took his words to heart. Speak ill of a fellow Republican and suffer the consequences.

Speaking of Republicans, what is the deal with Chris Christie? I admit that I enjoyed watching him shoot down that New Jersey teacher, but he is hardly a conservative’s idea of a knight in shining armor. He’s at best a moderate when it comes to the 2nd Amendment, he’s okay with civil servants being unionized, he’s a big booster of green energy, he’s soft on illegal immigration and he subscribes to the notion of man-made global warming.

It sure makes me wonder why the heck Ann Coulter has seemingly made it her mission in life to get him the nomination. Could it be that Annie has a thing for fat guys?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt! Click on the little envelope below to email this article.
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Monday, October 3, 2011

Taking Pot Shots at Big Shots

by BurtPrelutsky


I don’t know how it will play out, but as of this moment, as I sit here, Iran has sentenced a pastor to be executed because at the age of 19 he converted from Islam to Christianity. How much more evidence does anyone require before accepting that the people who blew up the USS Cole and the Twin Towers, ran amok at Fort Hood, blow up Israeli school buses and pizza parlors, and whine about being racially profiled are not anomalies. Rather, they are the faithful followers of their bloody religion, and the sooner we have someone in the White House who doesn’t feel compelled to pretend otherwise, the better.

In an earlier piece, I reported that I kept receiving email from various potentates on the Left, asking me to donate to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC). Having already heard from Al Franken, John Kerry and Frank Lautenberg, I should have figured that James Carville, who moonlights posing for Jolly Roger flags, wouldn’t be far behind. This morning, Mr. Carville warned me that if I didn’t cough up at least five dollars, Mitch McConnell would privatize Social Security, Jim DeMint would end Medicare and, what’s more, I could kiss the EPA goodbye “since Tea Partiers think clean water tramples on their constitutional right to be poisoned.” And I think I write funny material!

Some people have accused me of never saying anything nice about Democrats in general, Nancy Pelosi in particular. Lest anyone mistake me for a misogynist, I wish to go on record as stating that Mrs. Pelosi is wonderful to her friends and her relatives. For instance, while most small businesses were worried sick about ObamaCare, she saw to it that several of her favorite San Francisco restaurants were granted waivers. And just recently, we found out that one of the energy companies that are in line to receive several hundred million taxpayer dollars (think Solyndra) is a company in which her brother-in-law is heavily invested. Now, that’s what I call a sister-in-law!

One can almost sympathize with Al Qaeda. I mean, no sooner are they picking a fight with Iran for continuing to deny them credit for the events of 9/11, and instead insisting that George Bush was behind it, then Anwar Al-Awlaki, the American-born successor to Osama bin Laden, is sent off to Paradise in little tiny pieces. The truth is, only Al Qaeda had a worse September than the Atlanta Braves and the Boston Red Sox.

Here in America, it was a typically embarrassing month for left-wingers. There was Maxine Waters, who was recently voted the most corrupt member of Congress, referring to Allen West as an “oreo”; there was recently released hiker Shane Bauer, a Berkeley graduate in the questionable field of Peace and Conflict, offering his heart-felt thanks, not to America or even Barack Obama and the State Department, but to Hugo Chavez, Saul Alinsky and Sean Penn; and rounding out the trifecta was North Carolina Governor Beverly Perdue (D) suggesting that because politicians have been working so darn hard of late, there should be a moratorium on elections for the next two years!

I’m not sure that anyone has ever asked Michelle Obama what woman in public life she has admired the most. I’m guessing that, being the lover of the high life that she is, Eleanor Roosevelt and even Hillary Clinton are just as unlikely to be her response as Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir or Sarah Palin. If injected with a dose of truth serum, I’m betting it would be Eva Peron or Imelda Marcos.

As for her husband, one of the most annoying things about him is that when he’s out on the stump, which, come to think of it, is all the time, he starts dropping his g’s, as in comin’, goin’ and taxin’, in a pathetic attempt to sound like a regular guy. The last candidate to go that route was Hillary Clinton when she was campaigning, or should I say campaignin’, south of the Mason-Dixon Line in 2008. I have no idea who convinces these Ivy League graduates that they can suddenly pass themselves off as members of the proletariat by debasing their diction, but it’s truly dumb and condescending. Still, even I can understand the temptation when Obama recently addressed the members of the Black Congressional Caucus, the closest thing to a gathering of the Mystic Knights of the Sea since the cancellation of “Amos ‘n’ Andy.”

But at least when Obama gives a speech, it answers the age old question: Who cut the G’s?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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