Monday, June 25, 2012

DEMOCRATS WILL ROB YOU BLIND

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by Burt Prelutsky

As you may have noticed, Obama’s latest attack on his opponent consists of claiming that while Romney was governor, Massachusetts had the fourth worst record in the country when it came to job creation. Or, in other words, they ranked 54th among all 57 states.

What Obama doesn’t mention is that Massachusetts had an unemployment rate of 4.2%. When your jobless rate is that low, it figures that job creation is not going to be a major priority. In fact, when you realize that in spite of a trillion dollar stimulus steamrollered by Reid and Pelosi, Obama has never been able to get the national unemployment rate under 8%, Obama would be better off comparing golf scores.

I am reminded that when some of his advisors complained about General Grant being a boozer, Lincoln supposedly said they should find out what brand of whisky Grant favored and send a few bottles to his other generals. Perhaps Obama should follow suit and send a few bottles over to his financial generals, Timothy Geithner and Ben Bernanke.

One good thing about Obama’s coloring is that you can’t see if he’s blushing when he says some of the dopey things for which he’s become so notorious. For instance, while whining recently about the economy he inherited from the previous administration, he compared his situation to a guy who goes into a restaurant, has a steak dinner and a martini, and then skips out, leaving the next guy to pick up the check. What he neglected to point out to his audience of drooling halfwits is that the second guy never bothered settling up the tab. Instead, he, too, ordered a steak dinner, and a martini, along with the lobster thermidor, the bouillabaisse, an order of lamb chops, a Waldorf salad, a baked potato, a cheese platter, a bottle of champagne and the baked Alaska, for himself, Michelle and a dozen freeloading pals who had flown in from Chicago. When it came time to pay up, he borrowed a credit card from the Chinese guy at the next table, and told him to present the bill to the American people.

Speaking of Obama, I must confess that when I first heard about all the galas that he and the missus were hosting at the White House, I just figured they liked rubbing elbows with such left-wing schlemiels as George Clooney, Paul McCartney, Steven Spielberg and Salma Hayek. But then I heard that one of the few times a president actually has to pay for anything is when it comes to White House groceries. That is, unless dinner can be passed off as an official event. Although you and I might assume that meant he was at least tying on the feedbag with some prime minister, apparently even if he’s merely breaking bread with the likes of Eva Longoria, Brad Pitt or Bob Dylan, he gets to hand us the check.

Because I am so often taken for a psychiatrist -- thanks to my being bald, having a beard, being Jewish and occasionally dozing off when people are telling me their troubles -- it figures that I would spend a lot of time psychoanalyzing Obama. As a result, I have arrived at certain conclusions. For instance, I decided that the reason he can never stop trying to win Vladimir Putin’s affection is because he sees him as the white father he never had. He married Michelle because he sees her as the black mother he never had. And he has set aside 53 billion tax dollars for the building of trains that nobody wants or will ever ride on because Santa Claus never brought him a Lionel Train set for Christmas.

Speaking of tax dollars, until Don Melquist, the pride of Green Valley, Arizona, called it to my attention, I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that Rep. Gabrielle Giffords took a very long time to resign. But the fact is she entered Congress in January, 2007, was shot in January, 2011, and didn’t get around to officially resigning until January, 2012. The reason the timing was so important was that she had only served four years in the House when she was shot by a crazy man, but it takes five years for a congressional pension to become vested. So, not only did she continue drawing a full salary in excess of $170,000 and receiving far superior medical attention than most of her constituents would have during that year, but by 2012, she was finally in a position to resign from the House, knowing that she would therefore have those pension checks to remember us by.

I’m dead certain that some people will think I’m calling attention to what I regard as a financial scam because Rep. Giffords is a liberal. Hillary Clinton would probably say it’s because the congresswoman is not only a liberal, but a female, and not necessarily in that order.

After all, in a recent address, the Secretary of State said, “All over the world extremists constrain and control women.” Having heard her, Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Barbara Boxer and other rich and influential women, whine about the hardships facing American women, I know she includes the United States in her diatribe.

What’s really odd about all this is that these ladies never seem to mention Arab and Muslim nations, where women are regularly constrained and controlled, not to mention abused, mutilated and stoned to death.

So far as these fatheads are concerned, the only thing holding back the women of the world are white male Republicans. Show them a conservative and they’ll show you a wife beater.

Although I can easily see where being married to Bill Clinton could turn anyone into a bitter old harpy, it still shows a certain lack of gratitude that a woman who rode a marriage license into the White House, the U.S. Senate, a major cabinet position and $100 million, should be so down on men.

Still, when all is said and done, Hillary is merely a prime example of a certain type and class. Like millions of other left-wing women who populate organizations such as NOW, the ACLU and Planned Parenthood; who attended schools like Bard, Sarah Lawrence, Harvard and Yale, where they majored in political science, drama or sociology; and later married their male equivalents; they bitch incessantly about glass ceilings when, in fact, the greatest calamities in their lives occur when their children’s nannies don’t show up on time, when a manicured nail breaks and when the batteries in their vibrators suddenly conk out.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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