Wednesday, September 12, 2012

THE MARTIANS ARE HERE!

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by Burt Prelutsky

I have come to believe that left-wingers hail from a different planet. That isn’t said in order to insult them, but to try to make sense of the stupid things they say and the nasty things they do.

After all, why would rational earthlings want to radically alter America? A little tinkering might be okay, but what Obama and his goons have done over the past few years is the equivalent of re-inventing the wheel and giving it square corners.

Why would earthlings even consider basing our economy on a system that has consistently failed in left-wing nations stretching from the Soviet Union to Cuba and Venezuela, leaving only dead bodies and ruins in its wake?

And just listen to the words they spew forth. Nancy Pelosi tells America and her colleagues in the House that they’ll have to pass ObamaCare before they find out what’s lurking in its two thousand-odd pages. Rahm Emanuel tells his fellow Chicagoans that if they’re going to kill someone in his town, they should do it in an alley so that a stray bullet doesn’t hit an innocent kid. Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz claims she has no idea if a political ad that insinuates Mitt Romney is personally responsible for a woman dying of cancer was produced by Democrats. For good measure, Debbie, who is the head of the DNC, doubles down by insisting that Paul Ryan’s budget will deprive the elderly of their Medicare benefits even though she very well knows that the Republican budget changes absolutely nothing for anyone over the age of 55.

For his part, Obama and Harry Reid have the chutzpah to demand to see Romney’s tax returns going back to the Civil War, while Obama has concealed everything from his college application to his foreign travel visa. The only thing this schmuck shares with the world at large are America’s national security secrets, never any secrets of his own.

An honest difference of opinion is fine. At the creation of our nation, the Founding Fathers disagreed about a great many things. But they didn’t lie. Even in the often slimy world of politics, there’s only one creature lower than a candidate who lies about himself and that’s one who puts lies in the mouth of his opponent.

Liberals are forever casting themselves in the role of superheroes sworn to saving those they refer to as the less fortunate. What they never mention is that they have devoted over half a century and several trillion dollars to this holy cause, and all we have to show for it is a bankrupt economy and even greater numbers of those wallowing on the bottom.

Naturally, there’s a logical reason for it. It’s because liberals merely dub everyone who belongs to certain minority groups as “unfortunate,” instead of concluding that there are millions of people here in America, many of them here illegally, who simply don’t wish to get off their own bottoms in order to improve their lot in life.

Why would these “unfortunate” girls bother getting an education when, instead, they can get knocked up in their teens, figuring welfare will support them and their brood for the next 60 years, leaving them free to watch soap operas; and when “unfortunate” young males decide they would prefer spending their time knocking up their girlfriends, cutting classes, getting stoned and peddling drugs?

These are not innocent victims of a corrupt society; they are the corrupt result of national policies that encourage sloth and ignorance. It’s not even fair to refer to them as being stuck on a plantation as if they were latter-day slaves because actual slaves had to work or they didn’t eat.

Something that has always confounded me is why those on the Left are always so anxious for the federal government to keep expanding when history tells them that at least half the time, Republicans are going to be in control of that very same government. I finally figured out that most Republican politicians aren’t really opposed to expanding Washington’s grasp, they simply don’t want Democrats doing the expanding.

But things under Obama have reached the breaking point, and I have to believe that Romney and Ryan will at the very least do their level best to keep the country from going over the edge and following such lemmings as Greece, Italy and Spain, to the rocks below.

I read recently that in Israel, they have developed special eyeglasses for orthodox Jews. The purpose isn’t to improve their eyesight, but to slightly blur their vision so that they won’t be corrupted by the sight of immodestly dressed women.

At first, I figured there would be a run on these glasses by male members of Congress, who would be spared having to clearly see the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee, especially too soon after the lunch break.

But a day later, I received an email from my faithful Arizona correspondent, Donald Melquist, who let me know that he had recently had an operation on his left eye to take care of a macular hole, followed by a cataract operation on his right eye. That meant he had to wear a patch on his right eye, leaving him dependent on his still-blurry left eye for a few days.

As a result, he couldn’t drive and couldn’t read, but it did ultimately leave him, he claims, with a better understanding of Democrats. The world was unchanged, he reported, but because he saw everything through the distorted view of his impaired left eye, he concluded that Democrats simply have a very skewed view of reality.

For me, it still remains a mystery whether liberals don’t see the same things as conservatives or simply don’t see things the same way. Is it that their vision is faulty or are their brains simply not equipped to process what they see?

In any case, I’ll try to keep an open mind, but for the time being, I’m sticking with my Martian theory.

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