Wednesday, September 5, 2012

WHY MY HEAD IS SPINNING

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
      North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to August’s winner: Ms. Janice M. Cole of Lenoir City, TN.

by Burt Prelutsky

I understand why liberals want to get elected to political office. After all, not everyone can be a millionaire, but at least if you’re elected to Congress, you get to live like one. You get to receive all sorts of perks, including a bevy of aides and interns whom you don’t have to pay out of your own pocket, but who are nevertheless ready at a moment’s notice to gas up your car, drive you to the airport and pick up your dry cleaning.

The part I don’t get is why anyone would want to vote for them. For one thing, they all lie. And not only do they lie, but they lie so badly that they simultaneously insult our intelligence. The most blatant example took place recently when Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who is not only a member of Congress, but the head of the Democratic National Committee, said that she had no idea if the folks who produced the disgusting ad accusing Mitt Romney of playing a role in killing a cancer victim were Democrats or Republicans.

But for the past several months, the Democratic mantra has been that Paul Ryan’s financial blueprint would toss the elderly off the Medicare rolls even though Ryan’s budget proposal guarantees that nothing will change for anyone over the age of 55, whereas it’s the liberals who want to suck $716 billion out of Medicare in order to finance ObamaCare.

I would like to see an ad that starts out looking like the one in which a Paul Ryan lookalike is pushing an old woman off a cliff. But as the camera pulls back, we see that it really is Paul Ryan and that the woman in the chair is his mother, who actually is a Social Security recipient living in Florida. At the end of the ad, she pats his hand and says, “You’re a good son, Paul.”

Of course I have no way of knowing if his mother actually requires a wheelchair, but, then, Obama and his stooges know that the last thing Paul Ryan wants to do is to send nice old ladies hurtling to their death.

Speaking of the liberal’s notion of a messiah, Obama never stops taking bows for keeping America’s automotive industry in business. What he fails to mention is that by turning GM over to the UAW, he not only screwed the shareholders, he put 2,200 car dealerships out of business. Thanks to Obama’s stimulus, GM is still hanging around, but the American taxpayer is out over $21 billion.

When it comes to picking winners and losers, be it in the auto industry or the world of green energy, a bunch of chimpanzees would do a better job than this administration. At least the chimps, unlike Obama, wouldn’t be swayed by how many bananas the company owners had contributed to their political campaigns.

Then there is the matter of Obama’s attack on wealthy Americans, the so-called one-percenters he never stops haranguing. It’s funny how that works, inasmuch as at least half of the wealthiest Americans are Democrats. Or did you really think that Bill Gates, John Kerry, Oprah Winfrey, Ted Turner and George Soros, only pretend to be liberals so they can hang out with Sean Penn and Jane Fonda? And who, by the way, did you think was showing up at these $35,000-a-plate fund-raising affairs for Obama? Me?

If the media was even slightly fair and objective, they would insist that Obama refer to the half-of-one-percenters, the Republicans, whom he would actually like to see hanging from lampposts.

Unfortunately, the media is not part of the solution; instead, it’s a major part of America’s problem. For unfathomable reasons, they are only too happy to swallow Obama’s crapola and insist that it tastes just like chicken.

As anyone who has seen “2016” knows, Obama’s half-brother, George, lives in a tiny shack in Kenya. To his credit, George, an independent sort of fellow, doesn’t think Barack owes him a thing. However, Obama also has an elderly aunt in the old country who is barely scraping by. So when Saint Barack claims to be his brother’s keeper, he doesn’t mean to be taken literally.

Recently, my friend Bernard Goldberg wrote a piece that was entirely devoted to stupid things that Joe Biden has said over the past four years, starting with his introducing his running mate in 2008 as “Barack America” and his famously stating that the solution to our nation’s economic woes could be summed up in a single three-letter word, “J-o-b-s.” He went on to include Biden’s recently whipping up the voters at a campaign stop by announcing “With your support, we can win North Carolina, and with North Carolina, we can win the election!” The only problem was that he was in Virginia at the time.

As a writer who tries to inject humor in his own work, I sent Mr. Goldberg an email complaining that he was cheating. I said that anyone can be funny so long as he has Joe Biden writing all his material.

When later that same day, Goldberg updated the piece because Biden had just said something really dumb on the campaign trail, it occurred to me that Goldberg could just coast until Election Day. He didn’t have to sit down and write anything new for his blog; he merely had to add new Bidenisms to the original column, thereby putting the rest of us would-be conservative humorists out of business.

Needless to say, I wish I had thought of it first.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Get your personally autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success for just $19.95, postpaid. Get both for just $34.90.
Profiles of Success (60 candid conversations with 60 Over-Achievers)
If you'd prefer to pay by check, send your order to:

      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
      North Hills, CA 91343-3604.