Monday, October 8, 2012

POLL-ISH JOKES

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by Burt Prelutsky

Burt hopes you'll enjoy this special bonus article. When you've finished it, he hopes you will also enjoy The Left-Wing Laundromat. If you've received this as a subscription copy, you need do nothing else but scroll down to read it just below this one.

I don’t believe the polls that insist that Obama is ahead of Romney. This isn’t just wishful thinking on my part, either. It simply doesn’t make any sense that Obama would be doing better in any state than he did in 2008, especially when you realize that he was running against McCain, one of the worst campaigners in history, and that he now has to run on his own record.

I have heard a lot of questions about the polls this time around. Some people are claiming that they’re heavily weighted towards Democrats and that some pollsters are even in the tank for Obama, trying to discourage Republicans from even leaving the house on Election Day because the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

Let me tell you why that doesn’t make any sense. We conservatives who live in California go out and vote in every election even though we know that our candidates have next to no chance of winning, whether they’re running for the presidency or a state office. We vote because we take voting seriously and we want our voices heard. Also, some of us believe in miracles and are hoping for divine intervention.

The truth, though, is I believe that the polling propaganda is far more likely to work against Obama than it is against Romney. After all, if the Democrats are convinced that Obama is a shoo-in, they’re far more likely to sit out the election because they are just naturally more shiftless than Republicans.

The difference between the two presidential hopefuls can be seen in the crowds they address. Romney speaks to tax-payers, Obama speaks to college students and welfare recipients.

Romney gets applause by telling people that he will diminish the debt; lower the tax rate; boost the economy by freeing up the energy industry; cut the EPA down to size; and get small businesses going again. Obama gets cheers by telling his crowds what they can expect from his goody bag in his second term.

For his part, it seems to me that Obama has spent more time on college campuses as a politician than he ever did as a student.

Being, by nature, an optimist, the upside as I see it is that when most countries have a leader as vile as Obama, it generally takes a bloody revolution to get rid of him, but in America, all we have to do is vote for the other guy.

I am convinced that the only reason that the election figures to be close is because our media is so corrupt that it puts one in mind of the lackeys who lick the boots of the dictators who run China, Russia and North Korea. I swear, if Romney and Obama each had a benign mole on his cheek, the media would refer to Romney’s as a cancerous growth and to Obama’s as a beauty mark.

I know it’s rude to dismiss an entire group of people as dummies, but when over 90% of blacks continue to troop out and vote for any lunkhead with a (D) after his or her name, the choice is to be either a liar or discourteous. I mean, how disconnected from reality do black Americans have to be to continue supporting Democrats? Are they really unaware that the Ku Klux Klan was a gang of sheet-wearing Democrats? Don’t any of them realize that Jim Crow laws were enacted and enforced by Democrats? Has nobody told them that Abe Lincoln was a Republican or that it was Democrats who refused to pass anti-lynching legislation or that most of the opposition to Civil Rights legislation came from the Democrats in Congress, including Al Gore’s daddy?

Even if they’re a little weak when it comes to history, surely they can look around and notice that the cities they inhabit, year after year, decade after decade, are the most poverty-stricken, crime-riddled, in America and inevitably have Democratic mayors.

Democrats say all the right things and do all the wrong ones, but that seems to be good enough for black voters. If they ever woke up and began to think for themselves, they might notice that the Democrats not only take them for granted, but treat them like their personal bitch.

If black Americans ever stopped selling out their birth right for food stamps and other picayune bribes, they might come to understand that liberals are the best friends they never had.

Finally, I have to admit that when some really dumb person agrees with me, I begin to have second thoughts about my position. So, how is it that it never occurs to Barack Obama that if the likes of Samuel Jackson, Bill Maher, Madonna, Chris Matthews, Juan Williams, Joy Behar, David Letterman and Conan O’Brien, are singing your praises, it might be time to consider the very real possibility that you’re dead wrong about everything?

Burt hopes you've enjoyed this special bonus article. Now that you've finished it, he hopes you will also enjoy The Left-Wing Laundromat. If you've received this as a subscription email, you need do nothing else but scroll down to read it.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Write to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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