Monday, July 30, 2012

THE DEATH OF COMMONSENSE

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      Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA, won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky -- and generous -- winner.)

After you’ve enjoyed this bonus article, don’t forget to read today’s regularly-scheduled article, Casting a Wide Net. - ed

by Burt Prelutsky

If you’re one of those people who hadn’t even known that commonsense was ailing, I can imagine how shocked you must be to hear that it has passed away. On the other hand, unless you’ve been living in a cave, I can’t imagine how you missed the news.

For example, were you unaware that the massacres at Fort Hood, the Columbine high school and the movie complex in Aurora, Colorado, all took place at gun-free locations? And are you unaware that Chicago and Washington, D.C., two places that always rank near the top when it comes to gun-related murders, are among the two cities with the strictest gun control laws in the nation?

In spite of all that evidence, idiots on the Left, such as Michael Bloomberg and Dianne Feinstein, constantly insist that if only there were more and more laws on the books, if only there were more places where guns were banned and if only the NRA would disappear, the only gunshots we’d ever hear would be on TV crime shows.

If you’re looking for additional signs that commonsense has kicked the bucket, consider the penalties that the NCAA has leveled against Penn State. The NCAA, which consistently gives the U.N., the Olympic Committee and the NAACP, a run for their money when it comes to competing for the title as the most useless and most corrupt organization in the world, has truly outdone itself this time.

In a nation that often sees child molesters, rapists and murderers, let off with a slap on the wrist, the NCAA has fined the university $60,000,000, banned their football team from four years of bowl games, reduced their number of athletic scholarships from 25 to 15 and voided 14 seasons of football victories.

Frankly, I have no idea what that last one even means. Are they suggesting that the achievements of Penn State players are stricken from the record books? Could it mean that teams that lost to Penn State’s Nittany Lions 42-0 or 63-14 now get to brag that they actually won those games?

The facts are that Jerry Sandusky is a monster and is now going to spend the rest of his life in jail, where, unfortunately, he will not be gnawed on by rats. Joe Paterno, who, like most college coaches, students, administrators and alumni, thought winning football games was the most important thing on earth, is dead. And good riddance to that miserable excuse for a human being.

But, that being said, the two people who most deserved to be punished have received their just deserts. Once Penn State had Paterno’s statue removed, that should have been the end of it. Instead, the NCAA, which is well aware that every successful college sports program is the result of coaches and recruiters bending and breaking the rules, committed an infraction that, if committed during a game, would call for a penalty flag; namely, piling on.

The irony of Paterno’s statue is that it showed him with his index finger poised in the air. All things considered, it would have been more appropriate if it shown him with the finger next to it raised.

If you’re looking for more examples proving the demise of commonsense, you merely have to start paying attention to the presidential campaign. Day after day, you have Obama berating Romney because he’s rich and therefore out of touch. In the meantime, Obama flies from one city to another on the presidential jet, rides around in limos and gives speeches to people who have plunked down $35,000 to hear him bloviate about wealthy people who aren’t paying their fair share of income taxes.

To be fair, he says very much the same thing when addressing blacks, Hispanics and college students; those, in other words, who often don’t pay a plugged nickel to the IRS.

He is the same fellow who complains that a dozen years ago, Romney invested private funds in companies that out-sourced jobs, in spite of the fact that he named GE CEO Jeffrey Immelt to head up his Jobs Council after Immelt had out-sourced thousands of jobs to GE plants in Europe, and after he, himself, had out-sourced billions of American tax dollars to companies around the world.

As if all that weren’t enough to suggest that Obama is such a confirmed hypocrite that after he leaves the White House in January, he could no doubt get a gig working for the NCAA, he has the gall to complain that Romney hasn’t disclosed his income taxes for the past 40 years or so. Keep in mind this is the same knucklehead who has kept his own birth certificate, passport, visa, college application, medical records and academic transcript, along with Michelle’s master’s thesis, under lock and key. Oddly enough, that just happens to be the opposite of what he’s done when it comes to national security documents. Somehow those keep winding up on the front page of the New York Times.

Clearly, if Obama went to the London Olympics, he’d be the odds-on favorite to bring home the gold in the always popular Chutzpah competition.

In spite of all the laughs I have at his expense, there is a part of me that can’t help pitying the president. After all, if the poor guy’s re-elected, he will be inheriting the worst economy since the Great Depression.

Enjoy today's regularly-scheduled article, Casting a Wide Net. - ed

Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.


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CASTING A WIDE NET

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA, won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky -- and generous -- winner.)

After you finish this regularly scheduled article, don't miss today’s bonus article: The Death of Commonsense. -ed.

by Burt Prelutsky

Between the things that liberals say and the things they do, it’s nearly impossible not to be overwhelmed by a tsunami of fatuousness.

For instance, Greece and Spain, two nations that have destroyed their economies through socialistic entitlements, should be delighted that the EU, meaning Germany, seems willing to bail them out if they’ll only change their spendthrift ways. Instead, like spoiled brats, they balk at making any concessions to reality. They are perfect examples of ingrates biting the hand that over-feeds them.

Everyone knows that where the mass media is concerned, if it bleeds, it leads. The exception is when violence is done by blacks to whites. If you went by TV and newspapers, you would think it was 1812 and that it was blacks who were nearly always the innocent victims of inter-racial brutality. The truth, as is often the case where the media is concerned, is the reverse.

Things at the Department of Justice are even worse. There you have an attorney general who refuses to even consider indicting black thugs for intimidating white voters or for placing a bounty on the head of George Zimmerman.

One wonders if people like Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan and Jesse Jackson, actually believe the racist, anti-American, swill they endlessly spew, why, like Marcus Garvey and Moses, they don’t lead their followers to the promised land. It needn’t be Africa. It could be closer to home; say, Canada or Mexico. Understand, I’m not saying they should. I’m just saying that if I honestly believed that America was as evil as they’ve claimed for the past four decades, I’d sure as heck be packing my bags, just as my various grandparents did when they ran, respectively, from Czar Nicholas and Joseph Stalin, and just as millions of others have fled from the cesspools of Hitler’s Germany, Mao’s China and Castro’s Cuba.

Along those lines, this being an election year, you will see Obama and a great many other Democrats, who spend three years out of four bloviating about separation of church and state, bribing black pastors to give up their pulpits for campaign speeches and photo ops

It was Ben Stein who said, “Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they’re insured, but not prove they’re entitled to vote in our elections.”

Jay Carney insists he never tells lies because if he did, he’d lose credibility with the Washington press corps. What’s more, he actually said it with a straight face. The irony is that the Washington press corps lies as much as he does, and if he and they didn’t lie on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis, they’d all be unemployed.

Hillary Clinton told us not that long ago that Syria’s Basher al-Assad was a reformer. Prior to that, she told Israel to stop building homes in Jerusalem. She also insisted that it was against America’s interests for Canada’s Keystone oil pipeline to be constructed. Not to be outdone in the BS competition, Barack Obama told Iran that it has a right to a peaceful nuclear program. With dingbats like that in charge of our foreign policy, it’s no wonder that Obama prefers focusing attention on domestic issues, including the comatose economy.

Speaking of he who must be sent packing, I recall that in 2008, Democrats claimed it was dirty pool for Republicans to refer to Obama’s middle name during the campaign. So imagine my surprise when I heard Obama, in a speech to an Arab/Muslim group, say, to thunderous applause, that without their help in his last race, “Someone named Barack Hussein Obama would have had a particularly difficult time being elected!” So, apparently, only he has the right to use the “H” word in public.

But nothing about Obama can shock me at this point. After all, he’s the putz who told Dmitry Medvedev to let Vladimir Putin know that after this election, he’d be more flexible. How much more flexible he could be when he has, at Putin’s insistence, already denied Poland and the Czech Republic a missile defense system and vowed to decimate our nuclear arsenal is a scary question. What I do know is that Putin is the former head of the KGB, and that’s a job that looks even worse on a resume than ex-community organizer.

Here in L.A., the ACLU is bringing a lawsuit because they insist that because of the way the districts are drawn, Latinos are under-represented on the City Council.

My question is, when exactly did the United States become so Balkanized that various groups are entitled to quotas, not only when it comes to education and employment, but even representation? Our national motto used to be e pluribus unum; from many, one. Now we print our ballots in a hundred different languages, and asking that the foreign-born acclimate themselves to the American culture is regarded as bigotry.

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s deciding that ObamaCare is constitutional, Nancy Pelosi seriously suggested that it had less to do with John Roberts than with Ted Kennedy. Pelosi shared the news that Kennedy is in Heaven and that he used his divine powers to guide the Supreme Court.

Even for Pelosi, that’s a bit of a stretch. After all, from everything I’ve heard, Heaven, unlike the U.S. Senate, actually maintains standards.

Enjoy today’s bonus article: The Death of Commonsense.

Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Friday, July 27, 2012

KNEE-JERKS AND OTHER JERKS ON THE LEFT

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      Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA, won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky -- and generous -- winner.)

This is a special bonus article! When you've finished reading it, be sure to read the regularly scheduled article: Very Impractical Jokes. -ed

by Burt Prelutsky

Under normal conditions, I would not address the tragic events that took place in Aurora, Colorado. For one thing, it was the insane act of a single psychotic, as opposed to the sort of stuff I generally deal with, such as Obama’s destructive policies and the loony legislation enacted by the left-wing pinheads in Congress.

I am only making an exception in the case of James Holmes because of what it tells us about liberals. Understand, I’m not laying his massacre at the feet of leftists. I leave that sort of thing to the media. You know, the folks who announced that Jared Lee Loughner was a conservative as soon as they heard that he had gone on a murderous rampage in Tucson, Arizona, that left Rep. Gabrielle Giffords wounded and several people dead. In similar fashion, we all got to hear that James Holmes was a member of the Tea Party even before the smoke had cleared.

What the events at the Aurora movie complex tell us about liberals is that, taking the advice of Rahm Emanuel to heart, they are loath to let a crisis go to waste. As sure as shooting, within hours of the tragedy, they were out in force complaining about that darn Second Amendment. The fact that if someone in the theater had been carrying a concealed weapon, Holmes might have been stopped almost before he got started fails to register on those who hate guns to such a degree that they can never acknowledge that they can ever be used for good.

But, then, they also refused to concede the irony that it took a police officer to end Major Nidal Hassan’s bloody rampage at Fort Hood because the powers-that-be decided that a military base, of all places, was to be a gun-free environment.

When I hear liberals blame guns for what Holmes did, I realize they don’t appreciate how much worse the carnage could have been. If, instead of entering the theater with his semi-automatic weapon, he had set off the bombs with which he had booby-trapped his apartment, God only knows how many more people would have been killed and maimed.

Liberals are always eager to ban guns, but even after the Oklahoma City bombing, you didn’t hear them talk about banning fertilizer. That’s probably just as well because sane people would have then been forced to point out that manure doesn’t kill people; people kill people.

One of the creepy things about liberals is that they only wish to discuss actions and inevitable consequences when the actions can be traced to conservatives. You never hear them reprimand parole boards, which are nearly always comprised of social workers, psychologists and other college degreed morons, when one of the felons they release murders or rapes another victim.

You never hear liberals blaming people like Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Ted Kennedy and Barack Obama, for bringing on the financial meltdown by insisting that home loans be given to people who couldn’t come up with a down payment, all because they knew that the votes of those new homeowners could be so easily bought and paid for with the tax dollars of the solvent.

Have you ever heard a liberal lay the blame for Islamic terrorism at the feet of Jimmy Carter, the man who pulled the carpet out from under the Shah of Iran, thus inviting the Ayatollah Khomeini and his mullahs to embark on their mission of worldwide domination?

Speaking of lunatics such as Jared Loughner and James Holmes, it’s been liberal state legislators who have cut funding for insane asylums and the ACLU who have fought the commitment of psychotics. As a result, these days, there is no way to force the mentally deranged to take their medications and no way to get them off the streets once they decide to forego their meds until the day the voices in their heads send them off on a killing spree.

Also, you may have noticed that all the knuckleheads on the Left need to do is place “phobic” at the end of words in order to cow their opponents into silence. If you don’t think that same-sex marriages are a great idea, you’re homophobic. If you don’t believe that our country owes its creation to Muslims, you’re Islamophobic. I have reached the point where I am phobiaphobic. All I need is for someone to try to win a debate by introducing “phobic” into the discussion and I go berserk.

Moreover, nobody is supposed to be judgmental, lest they be accused of bigotry. So the fact that one of the major reasons that the black community is so dangerous and so dysfunctional is because more than seven out of every 10 black babies is born to an unwed mother is supposed to be ignored in the name of political correctness. In one of Leona Salazar’s columns, I read that the most appropriate name for those unfortunate babies is “souvenirs.” I couldn’t have said it any better, or I would have.

In conclusion, I would say that when you realize there are about 315 million people now living in the United States, and that thousands of them didn’t think twice about standing in line in order to see a comic book movie at midnight, and that tens of millions more will, in spite of all the rotten things this administration has done over the past three years, vote for Barack Obama this November, it’s rather surprising that such tragic events as took place in Columbine, Tucson and Aurora, are as rare as they are.

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VERY IMPRACTICAL JOKES

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky winner.)

When you’ve finished reading this regularly scheduled article, Burt hopes you'll enjoy today’s bonus article: Knee-Jerks and Other Jerks on the Left. -ed.

by Burt Prelutsky

I hate so-called practical jokes.

I don’t even know why they are called practical jokes, unless it’s to distinguish them from jokes that are actually clever and amusing. One of the reasons I despise them is because they place the onus on the victim. As tradition has it, the goat is supposed to pretend to find it hilarious that some jerk has made him the butt of public ridicule, and if he doesn’t laugh, he is branded a humorless dolt, a prig, a stuffed shirt.

I’m not saying that practical jokers should be executed, but a few hours on the rack shouldn’t be out of the question.

Some years ago, when I was a student at UCLA, writing a humor column and movie reviews for the Daily Bruin, I was friends with a fellow we’ll call Terry who contributed book reviews to the student publication. One day he came up to me and said, “I guess you didn’t see it.” “See what?” I asked. And that is how it all began.

It seems Terry had written something stupid in the form of a letter to the editor of the L.A. Herald Express, and signed my name to it. What’s more, they published it. After all this time, I can’t recall the content, but the obvious intention was to place me in the corner with a dunce cap perched on my head.

However, because my family, along with every other family I knew -- except apparently Terry’s -- took the L.A. Times, not only had I not seen the letter, but nobody had embarrassed me by asking why I had put my name to such balderdash.

When I asked Terry why he’d done it, he said he really didn’t know, but that it had seemed like a funny idea at the time. One could say, no harm, no foul, and let it drop. But that is not my way. So far as I’m concerned, if you shoot someone, but he doesn’t die because the bullet is deflected or because the surgical team works a miracle, he’s still made his intention crystal clear, and he must be punished. Terry had crossed a line and there was no going back.

Even though I had not yet read Machiavelli’s “The Prince,” I instinctively understood that revenge is a dish best served cold. And, so, I bided my time. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that Terry received a letter at the Daily Bruin office. It appeared to be from his favorite author and L.A. resident Aldous Huxley, author of “Brave New World” and “After Many a Summer Dies the Swan.”

In the letter, Huxley gushed that he had long been a fan of Terry, and regarded him, in spite of his youth, as the best book reviewer in America. He rhapsodized about Terry’s depth of knowledge and his critical analysis, and also claimed to be enchanted by his captivating writing style.

He suggested that Terry come pay a visit and enjoy a cup of tea with him and Mrs. Huxley, suggesting a date a few weeks off, by which time he would have finished correcting the galleys for his latest book, “Panorama of Ignorance.”

Terry, who was given to unwarranted displays of enthusiasm unknown outside a political convention, was simultaneously beside himself and over the moon.

But, alas, all good things must come to an end. They just don’t generally come so quickly. Two days later, when Terry received identical letters in identical envelopes from Albert Camus and Ernest Hemingway, both of whom had recently taken their leave -- one in an automobile accident, the other by a self-inflicted shotgun blast -- he realized that all the phone calls to relatives and all the bragging to his English professors had been, to put it as gently as possible, decidedly premature.

At least he didn’t have to ask me why I had done it.

After that, if I even caught Terry looking at me cross-eyed, I merely had to whisper, “Panorama of Ignorance,” and watch him cower and whimper.

Predictably, Terry went on to become an English professor, specializing in American poetry, at a Midwestern university. It is a career for which he was ideally suited, as it required nothing but an unnatural tolerance for life on a college campus, teaching the unreadable to the illiterate.

The lesson he, himself, was taught some fifty years ago is one that the United States should also take to heart. Don’t get involved in a war unless you are prepared to go all out to win it.

And nothing less than unconditional surrender is an acceptable outcome.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A POTPOURRI OF GRIEVANCES


This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA, won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky -- and generous -- winner.)

by Burt Prelutsky

If you have decided along the way that I despise liberals, it merely proves that you’ve been paying attention. I don’t just think they’re misguided or that they have a different take on the issues than I have, I believe they are evil. I believe that if they had their way, America would be a third world nation.

I think they lie, partly out of habit and partly because they know that the equally evil media will aid and abet them by providing cover and by churning out propaganda.

For instance, when some flabby-brained weasel like Barbara Boxer, Joe Biden or Nancy Pelosi, claims that Republicans don’t care about the plight of old people and would love to just push them off the edges of cliffs, the way they illustrated conservative objections to ObamaCare in their TV ads, does anyone take them seriously? Even their fellow left-wingers must know better, but they belong to a cult that demands total fealty. Catholics will doubt the Pope’s infallibility sooner than liberals will doubt Obama’s. On the Left, you either fall into line or you stand condemned for heresy.

In a recent article, I questioned the wisdom of the 19th Amendment, the one that gave women the vote in 1920. Insisting that women just aren’t very good when it comes to voting shouldn’t be taken for misogyny, any more than saying that most men tend to get tongue-tied when trying to express their emotions should be regarded as my clumsy attempt to appear even-handed .

In spite of what the feminists say, the genders are not the same; each has its strengths and its weaknesses. The proof in this case is not in the pudding, but in the voting. Consider that starting with the 1980 presidential election, women gave Reagan only a 1% advantage over Carter. That’s Jimmy Carter, for heaven’s sake! In 1988, proving that it wasn’t a fluke, the ladies gave Bush a mere 1% edge over Dukakis. That’s Michael Dukakis, for heaven’s sake!

After that, things only got worse. In the next five elections, they not only helped to elect Clinton twice, but they voted overwhelmingly for Gore, Kerry and Obama.

If a major league baseball player struck out that many times, he’d be on the next bus to Trenton or Wilkes-Barre.

One of the most annoying things about this election is that people keep asking the candidates what they’ll do to create jobs. The problem is that the only way the federal government can create jobs is by hiring more bureaucrats, which is the last thing any sane person wants to see. The job of the president is to create an environment in which entrepreneurs and small businesses can flourish. That means you cut the tax rate and you get rid of stupid, power-grabbing, regulators, like the storm troopers at the EPA, and you take the jackboot of the federal government off the necks of those driven to succeed and get wealthy. Prosperity is the greatest engine for job creation and it’s the only way that a $16 trillion national debt won’t sooner, rather than later, turn us into Greece.

Speaking of money, in 2010, during the worst days of our recession, we were sending $4.16 billion in foreign aid to Afghanistan, $1.8 billion to both Pakistan and Haiti, $758 million to Mexico and $615 to Nigeria. All of that would have been bad enough, but that was money we had to borrow and then pay interest on to the Chinese. To me, that sounds a lot like the dumb schmuck who borrows money from a shylock and then races down to the corner bar to buy drinks for the house.

Speaking of Mexico, a nation that has seen 50,000 of its citizens murdered by drug dealers in recent years, I, for one, don’t believe that the government couldn’t wipe out the creeps if it really wanted to. Those goons may have a lot of automatic weapons, thanks to Eric Holder, but they don’t have tanks. I suspect that the cartels are allowed to run wild for the same reason that Mexico does nothing to shut down its northern border: money, money, money.

If it weren’t for millions of illegal aliens in the U.S. wiring billions of dollars back to their relatives, and the drug loot that’s floating around south of the border, Mexican politicians would actually have to do something for the people or face a civil war. It’s the same reason that Pakistan lets its farmers continue to grow poppies, the source of most of the world’s heroin.

Finally, although several motives have been suggested to explain why John Roberts sided with the loons on the Court, the one I like best is that by doing so, he not only forced Obama to defend ObamaCare during the campaign, but to defend what is now officially, thanks to Roberts, the largest tax increase in history. Only time will tell, based on his future decisions, if Roberts suffered a brain cramp or if he is so diabolical that people might start referring to him as Mac, short for Machiavelli.

Although Obama’s immediate reaction to the Court’s decision was one of unbridled glee, by the time this all plays out, he may find himself like the fencing master in the cartoon who apparently dodges his opponent’s sword, and says, “Aha, you missed!” a second before his severed head drops to the floor.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Monday, July 23, 2012

DEALING WITH WRITERS BLOCK

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
      North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA, won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky -- and generous -- winner.)

by Burt Prelutsky

With the election just a few months off and Obama’s departure in January just around the corner, I have already begun to wonder what I’ll be writing about in 2013. But down deep, I know I probably won’t have a problem. So long as we have liberals in Congress and holding nearly all the political offices here in California, I won’t lack for grist. Besides, I have always felt that writers block is just God’s way of letting people know they need vocational guidance.

I read about a Putnam County (Florida) judge who sentences shoplifters to carry signs outside the stores they robbed that read “I Stole from This Store.” What a great idea! It has always been my theory that embarrassment is a greater deterrent than incarceration. That’s why I always figured that if you arrested and convicted a young gang member, the silliest thing to do was to send him to jail, which would only earn him street creds when he got out. Instead, I would put him on the back of a flatbed truck, deck him out him in a dress and lipstick and drive him around the neighborhood. Perhaps you could even fund the plan by selling snapshots of the young thug to friends, neighbors and victims.

I would also extend the judge’s notion to include congressmen and senators whose own misbehavior is rotten even by Washington standards. Can’t you just see people like Eric Holder, Charley Rangel and Anthony Wiener, on the back of a truck riding down Pennsylvania Avenue? I mean, either do away with censure votes and contempt of congress proceedings altogether or see to it that misdeeds have actual consequences.

Bill Clinton has been ridiculed endlessly over his parsing of the word “is,” but liberals manage to get away with using the word “big” as a pejorative only when referring to financial institutions, oil companies and pharmaceutical firms. They never refer to big unions, big Hollywood and big deficits, although those are the big items that are truly wrecking this country.

Speaking of liberals always puts me in mind of children. And while there are some tykes who are so adorable, they should be turned into the human equivalent of bonsais, those dwarf trees that the Japanese dote on. Others should be locked away in cellars until they properly mature, say at the age of 45 or 50.

What makes generalizing about children so difficult is that, technically, everything from a toddler to a teenager comes under the general heading. And under the ObamaCare provision that kept so-called young adults on their parents’ insurance policy, the upper limit of childhood has been raised to 26. Still, whereas a four-year-old is often charming, amusing and affectionate, his older siblings quite often combine the less admirable traits of goats, burros and Benito Mussolini.

Given a choice of spending quality time with adolescents or a pack of wild dogs, a wise person would go with the dogs because, slim as his chances are, he’d at least have a shot at domesticating the four-legged beasts.

This is not to suggest that being a child is as easy as it looks. The choice they face often comes down to being a bully, a victim or a craven suck-up. Churchill’s description of appeasers as those who hope that the crocodile will eat them last pretty much describes 90% of all school children.

It helps explain why such a high percentage of people who spend years being droned at by members of teachers unions and tenured liberal arts professors emerge from school with cotton batting for brains, prepared to vote for any schmuck who promises to give them stuff paid for with other people’s money.

Speaking of Obama, you may recall that his old chum, Rahm Emanuel, the mayor of Chicago, listed safe streets as one of his top three priorities when he ran for office last year. For the record, Chicago is now the murder capital of America. The homicide rate increased 38% under Emanuel’s stewardship, which translated to 240 people killed in the first six months of 2012. Chicagoans looking for safer streets are encouraged to move to Kandahar or Homs.

By the way, I believe Emanuel’s other two priorities were to stop those icy winds off Lake Michigan and to get the Chicago Cubs a World Series championship this season.

Jimmy Carter, an erstwhile supporter of Obama, has now denounced him because his drone strikes not only “violate international human rights, but abet our enemies and alienate our friends.” If his words confuse you, it’s because he doesn’t really mean our friends; he means his friends. The 39th president, in case, it escaped your notice, was a personal buddy of Yasser Arafat and was able to call mainly on Arabs and Muslims to fund the building of the Carter Presidential Library. He is living proof that anti-Semitism needn’t be merely a pastime, it can also be a profitable career.

Finally, it seems that last year there was a campaign to garner an Oscar for Uggie, the charming Jack Russell terrier who did so much to earn “The Artist” its Best Picture Oscar. The attempt was thwarted when the Motion Picture Academy insisted that only humans could be in the running for acting awards.

I, for one, contend that flies in the face of prima facie evidence, and is merely a clumsy attempt to conceal Hollywood’s blatant anti-canine bigotry.

After all, if only humans are eligible to win Oscars, how is it that Sean Penn and Jane Fonda have each won twice?


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Friday, July 20, 2012

IN PRAISE OF RACIAL PROFILING

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by Burt Prelutsky

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s split-decision regarding Arizona’s immigration law, the term, “racial profiling,” is being tossed around like an old beach ball at an L.A. Dodgers game.

You would think the term was synonymous with whippings and lynchings the way liberals carry on. The only thing it’s synonymous with is commonsense. To suggest otherwise is just plain silly.

For instance, if your car breaks down in the middle of the night and you spot a group of young urban blacks standing nearby, are you seriously going to tell me that you don’t feel threatened? Are you going to insist that you wouldn’t consider yourself to be in any greater danger of being beaten, robbed or killed, than if they were members of the Hare Krishna community playing tambourines and chanting, or a bunch of towheaded teenagers who had just exited from a Bible study group?

There is so much feel-good malarkey floating around in America today that an honest person could just gag on it. And a great deal of that malarkey involves turning a blind eye to self-evident truths. It involves so much blatant hypocrisy it would make even a small child cringe.

For instance, in this era of political correctness, people are supposed to ignore the fact that illegal immigrants are a terrible drain on America’s limited resources. It means that nobody is supposed to notice that they deprive millions of Americans of employment opportunities to which, by right of citizenship, they’re entitled. It also means that the illegals take advantage of services that should be maintained solely for the benefit of Americans whose tax dollars pay for those clinics, schools, roads and courts.

In defense of these scofflaws, we hear that they are doing the jobs that American citizens won’t do. To listen to the propaganda from the Left, you would think that all 15 million of them are in the fields this very minute picking lettuce. That would certainly come as surprising news to millions of Americans who are trying to get construction jobs. It would also come as something of a shock to millions of farmers who find themselves shorthanded because nobody who isn’t forced by circumstances to pick lettuce wants to pick lettuce. And so long as there are all those jobs in construction, restaurants and hotels, waiting for them, there’s no reason why illegal aliens should spend 40 hours-a-week in the sun, bent over, picking lettuce that most people are going to leave on their plates anyway.

Feeling as I do, and as I believe most people do about lettuce, I think restaurants might as well just paint a lettuce leaf on their dinner plates and let it go at that.

Even though it’s mainly Hispanics who are here illegally, nobody’s supposed to racially profile them. But ask anyone what an illegal alien looks like, and, unless he’s prepared to lie, he’s going to say the guy looks an awful lot like a Mexican or a Guatemalan.

But, of course, it’s not just Hispanics we’re not supposed to racially profile. It’s also Muslims.

Even though all the members of the 9/11 hit team were Muslims, and even though nearly every terrorist act over the past few decades can be traced to young Muslim males, we are supposed to pretend it’s just….what?....a coincidence?

If you listen to the louts on the Left, all the suicide bombings and cold-blooded beheadings have nothing to do with the followers of Islam. But the truth is, while not every single Muslim is a terrorist, just about every single terrorist is a Muslim.

Although we keep getting fed the same stale baloney by the Council of American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) about all the peace-loving American Muslims, the fact is that those folks were still funneling millions of dollars to Islamic terrorists even after 9/11 until the FBI shut down the charities they were using as front groups. And because our politicians are a bunch of scurvy cowards, they insist that the police and the FBI regard mosques as off-limits when it comes to undercover operations, although everyone knows that’s where terrorist plots are nearly always hatched.

It would have made as much sense if during the 1930s and early 40s, the FBI had been prevented from spying on the espionage activities of the German-American Bund.

Frankly, I believe that even God approves of racial profiling or He wouldn’t have made it so easy to identify those who need to be profiled.

I mean, if even Juan Williams can spot them, I figure anyone can.


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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

THE WAR ON WOMEN AND COMMONSENSE

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by Burt Prelutsky

The one thing that must be said for Nancy Pelosi is that she is always good for a chuckle. Although she has been known to say some of the funniest lines ever heard in Congress, such as “You’ll have to pass ObamaCare in order to find out what’s in it,” she doesn’t have to rely on funny dialogue in order to have people rolling in the aisles. All she has to do is give us that famous Pelosi look, the one that resembles an elderly deer caught in the headlights, the eyebrows up around her hairline, with those startled eyes that, thanks to one too many facelifts, have lost the ability to blink.

But just because she doesn’t have to depend on dialogue doesn’t mean that when the circumstances call for it, she can’t deliver a knee-slapper with the best of them. For instance, after Eric Holder spent a year and a half stonewalling Congress, refusing to hand over documents related to Fast and Furious, a botched Department of Justice operation that resulted in the murder of two American agents and thousands of Mexican civilians, Nancy Pelosi predictably sprang to the Attorney General’s defense.

What confounded Pelosi watchers were the grounds upon which she based her spirited defense of the indefensible. Typically, whether the worthy target of moral and political outrage happens to be Barack Obama, Charley Rangel, Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, or Eric Holder, the Democrats can be counted on to scream, “Racism!” But Pelosi isn’t just a run-of-the-mill screwball; she’s in a special category all her own.

This time, the House minority leader showed her versatility by insisting that it was all a plot by the GOP to prevent Eric Holder from continuing to make certain that those evil conservatives didn’t get away with suppressing the vote.

Keep in mind this is the very same Eric Holder who didn’t bother indicting the Black Panthers for intimidating white voters in Philadelphia or, more recently, for placing a bounty on the head of George Zimmerman. This is the same Eric Holder who told his federal agents that the Department of Justice would only prosecute white people when it came to such offenses.

Still, it’s not so surprising that Mrs. Pelosi keeps getting re-elected to Congress. After all, it only requires garnering about 100,000 votes in a San Francisco district where sexual deviants of one sort or another constitute the majority. The real mystery is why the liberals in Congress decided to make her their standard-bearer. What possessed these numbskulls to decide that hers is the face and the voice they wish to present to the American public?

For that matter, why on earth did Senate Democrats select Harry Reid, a man born to offer his professional condolences to grieving family members, to be their leader, and what made the DNC decide that the extremely shrill Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, a woman born to be a wallflower at a dance for Jewish singles, would make an ideal spokesperson?

Speaking of Nancy Pelosi’s constituents, Obama recently hosted a get-together for members of the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender freak show. While enjoying White House hospitality, a couple of the LGBT visitors had their photos taken while giving the finger to the presidential portrait of Ronald Reagan. One of them went so far as to call Reagan “a murderous fool” because he didn’t do enough to end the AIDS epidemic. It goes without saying that the epidemic could have been ended almost before it began if only sodomites had stopped spending hours on end at gay bathhouses having unprotected sexual intercourse with scores of strangers.

Moving on to the complaints of left-wing women, who are determined to propagate the lie that conservatives aren’t really concerned with the infringement of the First Amendment, but are only out to deprive women of contraceptive devices and abortion-inducing pharmaceuticals, comes startling economic news. It seems that in spite of the bilge pumped forth by the likes of Pelosi, Wasserman-Schultz and the ladies of Planned Parenthood, over 92% of the jobs lost since January, 2009, were jobs held by women. Under Obama’s stewardship, the unemployment rate for women as a group has gone from 7.0% to 8.1%. When broken down by race, it has soared from 10.2% for Hispanic and black women to 10.8% and 13.3%, respectively.

What’s more, in Obama’s White House, women earn roughly 82% as much as men. And unlike the phony comparisons concocted by female activists on the Left, who insist that pre-school teachers have jobs comparable to firefighters and that professors of lesbian studies are comparable to nuclear physicists, White House aides and bureaucrats really are doing the exact same, generally unnecessary, jobs.

But you can bank on the fact that such inconvenient truths will do nothing to cool the ardor of women, especially goofy single women, for Barack Obama. When it comes to the Left, facts are never permitted to trump emotions.

One can only assume that, as is often the case with abused women, these dumb clucks just love their guy and figure, no matter how often they wind up with black eyes and split lips, that they must have done something wrong to upset their honey bunny.

But at least he has provided them with a way to worm their way back into his affections. All they have to do is tell their friends and relatives to forget about giving them wedding, birthday and graduation gifts, and just send the money directly to the First National Bank of Obama.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Monday, July 16, 2012

THERE THEY GO AGAIN

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      Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky-- and generous -- winner.)

by Burt Prelutsky

When it comes to inevitabilities, people always refer to death and taxes. But there’s a third item that’s even more of a sure thing. I’m referring to the goofiness of the Left. Death is inevitable, but not always predictable. After all, people die at all ages and under diverse circumstances. In much the same way, taxes are always going to be around, but not everyone pays the same ones or at the same rate.

However, when it comes to the chowderheads who take pride in identifying themselves as liberals, progressives, statists, socialists or just plain Democrats, as surely as the sun will rise in the east, you can bet the farm that before it sets in the west, any number of these boobs will have you shaking your head and wondering if they’re being serious or just going for the cheap laugh.

For instance, Obama’s EPA, otherwise known as America’s storm troopers, have begun forcing refineries to blend 8.6 million gallons of something called cellulosic biofuel, made from wood and non-edible plant life, into their oil. I’m not sure what good it’s supposed to do, but I’m guessing it’s the chemical equivalent of hamburger helper. If you’re wondering why, if I don’t know its purpose, I object to the EPA’s fining companies that don’t follow orders like good little Nazis, it’s because there is no such product! Nobody is bothering to manufacture it, as the EPA is well aware, but it’s just another way for the dictatorial bureaucrats to flex their muscles and another way for the Obama White House to levy taxes by calling them fines.

As some of you know, I have occasionally taken a page out of the liberal handbook. Just as they were always trying to psychoanalyze George W. Bush, pretending that everything from invading Iraq to picking out his pajamas was pre-determined by his dysfunctional relationship with his dad, I try to return the favor by doing the same to Obama.

It only seems reasonable. For one thing, I look something like Sigmund Freud. For another, Obama’s early years were like the plot of a Dickens novel. That is, if he had ever thought to set one of his bleak masterpieces in Kenya, Indonesia and Hawaii.

After all, being dumped by one’s father, stepfather and mother, all within the first decade of one’s life isn’t likely to lead to anything resembling a normal human being. If you add bi-racial parents and being left in the care of white, left-wing, grandparents, to the mix, the miracle is that his background only involves eating dogs, not people.

Recently, I got around to researching Frank Marshall Davis, who was apparently young Barack’s mentor in Hawaii. Davis, a black man, was an avowed Communist, a bi-sexual and a confessed child rapist. Thinking himself a writer, he dabbled in bad poetry and also, under the pseudonym Bob Greene, wrote the pornographic “Sex Rebel: Black (Memoirs of a Gash Gourmet).”

From the age of 10 to 17, when Obama went off to college on the mainland, he admits spending a great deal of time with Davis, often drinking whisky and composing dirty limericks.

One can’t help wondering what, besides left-wing polemics and hatred of the white race, young impressionable Barack learned at the knee of his perverted Uncle Frank.

For the longest time, I used to receive, on average, three messages a week from people in Nigeria. Although I had never been to Africa and never met any of these people, they were constantly offering to wire me millions of dollars. Sometimes they told me that someone had died and left it to me. Other times, they told me I had won grand prize in a lottery.

Sometimes it was a widow who needed my assistance to get the money out of Nigeria, and was willing to share her windfall with me. Those were the emails that touched me the most because who doesn’t want to help out a widow in her time of need? But I would write back and explain that I didn’t want to get involved in anything that smacked of hanky-panky because it might mean jeopardizing my chances of collecting the $35,000,000 I had apparently won in a lottery I hadn’t even entered. But, displaying the empathy for which I’m famous, I’d let her know that I’d send her a little something as soon as my check arrived.

Still, all of that pales in comparison to the latest bit of audacity from Team Obama. It seems that David Axelrod or one of his flying monkeys has come up with something called the Obama Event Registry. Brides-to-be are being told to urge their friends and relatives not to foolishly squander their money on wedding gifts. Even if she has romantic stars in her eyes, the little gal is supposed to prove she has her feet on the ground by instucting them to donate the money, instead, to Obama’s re-election campaign.

The next thing you know, Obama will be asking Americans to start growing victory gardens and collecting scrap metal to help him win World War III against Romney.

There is also a rumor going around that Obama is looking into changing the inscription at the base of the Statue of Liberty from, “Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…” to “Give me your gravy boats, your waffle irons and your toaster ovens, to help me get re-elected.”

I have finally reached the point where even I’m beginning to doubt that Obama comes from Kenya.

My money is now on Nigeria.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Friday, July 13, 2012

ROMNEY’S SISTER SOULJAH MOMENT

Torn from the headlines! Please enjoy this article Burt wrote yesterday, and when you’re done, please enjoy “Pop Culture, etc.” -ed.


This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA, won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky -- and generous -- winner.)

by Burt Prelutsky

Back in 1992, a 28-year-old black hip-hop singer/writer who called herself Sister Souljah garnered a great deal of publicity when she said, “Black people kill Black people every day; why not have a week and kill white people?”

Bill Clinton, who was then running for president, did himself a world of good when he repudiated her statement and, by extension, Jesse Jackson, for including her in his Rainbow Coalition. It was that easy for Clinton to reassure white voters by distancing himself from a pair of black racists, even though he would quickly resume his symbiotic relationship with Jackson once he was safely ensconced in the White House.

Ever since then, politicians have sought their own vote-getting Sister Souljah moment, although few are ever fortunate enough to have such an easy time of it. Such a moment needn’t involve taking a pot shot at anyone, but must earn the person respect by displaying credibility above and beyond the level we have grown to expect from a generation of political cowards and second-raters.

Recently, Mitt Romney had not one, but two such moments, and unlike Clinton, it actually required courage and integrity on his part. In the first instance, he spoke at a conference of influential Hispanics and said the same things about what his immigration policy would be, if elected, as he’s said all along the campaign trail.

Shortly thereafter, while addressing the annual convention of the NAACP, he said that one of the first items on his presidential agenda would be to eliminate ObamaCare. That was greeted with about 15 solid seconds of booing.

Most politicians on the campaign trail trim their sails, tweaking their remarks to the makeup of a specific audience. Heck, during the primary debates, Newt Gingrich used to promise a different audience something different every night of the week, depending on whether he thought deepening a local canal or allowing offshore oil drilling would play better.

In the case of Obama, otherwise known as the Panderer-in-Chief, he spins like a ballet dancer depending on whether he is addressing blacks, Jews, Muslims, single women, Hispanics, college students, military veterans or union members. He is all things to all voting blocs. At his core, there is no core. There is simply a huge ravenous maw that craves attention, adoration, campaign funds and, of course, another four years in which to remake America in his own skewed and diabolical image.

In a related matter, it has recently come to light that a hoax has sprung up, leaving thousands, perhaps millions of people, convinced that Obama has set up a plan to pay everyone’s utility bills. It’s not fraud, exactly, because nobody is actually cashing in at the expense of the American taxpayer. So it should not be confused with the way that Obama’s major financial supporters at places like Solyndra have profited over the past three years. This is more like a practical joke, but the only reason that anyone is actually falling for it is because it perfectly fits Obama’s profile.

I mean, between millions of additional people now getting food stamps and collecting disability checks they’re not entitled to, combined with the endless extensions of unemployment benefits, Obama is turning America into one huge welfare state, so why wouldn’t people think that this administration would also be handling everyone’s utility bills in the future?

And just where was all this money supposed to come from? Well, if you recall, back in 2009, there was a video showing a large group of welfare recipients lined up in the streets of Detroit, waiting for a federal disbursement of cash. When a reporter asked one of the women where she thought the money was actually coming from, she happily gushed, “From Obama’s stash.”

Before signing off, I should mention that at the same NAACP conference at which Romney appeared, one of the other guest speakers was Attorney General Eric Holder, who was filling in for his boss, who was busy elsewhere, no doubt hosting his four thousand, seven hundred and sixty-second, fund raiser.

Holder, in spite of being the first attorney general to ever be cited for contempt of Congress or, more likely, because he’s black and is the first one ever cited, received an extremely warm greeting from the audience. They were particularly exuberant when he explained to his fellow blacks that he was waging war against the state of Texas over its insistence that voters provide a photo I.D. before casting a ballot.

Holder went so far as to say, “We call them poll taxes,” and received an ovation from the crowd.

What made it so amusingly ironic, at least to everyone but Holder and his racist groupies, was that a photo I.D. was actually required for admission to the event.

Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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POP CULTURE, ETC.

When you’ve finished reading this article, Burt hopes you’ll enjoy “Romney's Sister Souljah Moment” which he wrote a couple of days ago. -ed.

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
      North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. (Robert J. Cmelak of Laguna Niguel, CA won the June drawing. A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to the lucky-- and generous -- winner.)

by Burt Prelutsky

Being as old as I am, I am not the least bit embarrassed by the fact that I am not only unaware of the movies, TV shows and music, that are currently popular, but, aside from a few people named Bieber, Snooki and Kardashian, who somehow snuck through my defenses, I am proud to say I don’t know the names of the current idols.

One thing that I have become aware of is that the female icons of today are not as attractive as they used to be, and I don’t attribute that to my age, but to their lack of faces and figures. For instance, Angelina Jolie has the pencil legs of a 90-year-old and lips that are larger than her arms; Lady Gaga looks like something the cat dragged in; and Sarah Jessica Parker looks like the homely girl that pretty girls hung out with in high school so they’d look even prettier by comparison. When you compare them to the likes of Rhonda Fleming, Rita Hayworth and Doris Day, you’d think you were comparing different species from different planets.

Speaking of things cultural, it has always annoyed me that people are expected to be impressed by certain books, movies and plays, simply because they have been lauded by certain critics and academicians. I’m not suggesting that it isn’t possible to enjoy these works or that those who claim they love them are lying and merely trying to pass themselves off as aesthetically superior to the rest of mankind, although that is certainly a very real possibility. I just want people who share my lack of appreciation for some of these over-hyped creations to know they’re not alone.

On my list are Moby Dick, Walden, Hamlet, Last Year at Marienbad, Triumph of the Will, Long Day’s Journey Into Night, King Lear, Gone With the Wind, Blow-Up, Rules of the Game, Titanic, Dr. Zhivago, The Sun Also Rises, L’Avventura, War and Peace, Strange Interlude, Lawrence of Arabia, and The Great Gatsby.

Understand, I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. But I have read or seen all of them, and my yawns were loud enough to drown out half the dialogue, and I don’t want other people to think that they’re the only ones who wound up in a coma, thanks to these works of art.

One of the nice things about getting old is that you stop worrying about impressing people. If I think of another thing, I’ll let you know.

Speaking of age, I read that some guy in his 70s named Tarnae Watanabe just scaled Mt. Everest after having climbed it 10 years earlier. When asked why he did it, instead of the usual “Because it was there,” I’d like to think he said, “You mean I already climbed it?! Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Although I have long been aware that, aside from Germany, Europe is an example of what happens when you let spoiled brats control the economy, until I heard it from Charles Krauthammer, I did not know that in Greece, hairdressers are allowed to retire at the age of 50 because theirs is regarded as a hazardous occupation. I guess that means John Edwards isn’t the only person in the world who takes his haircuts a damn sight too seriously.

The more I hear Washington, D.C., referred to as the nation’s capital, the more I wonder just which nation they have in mind. It’s hard to recognize it as our own when a bill to criminalize gender-based abortions falls short of the two-thirds majority required, 246-168. Although 20 Democrats joined 226 Republicans in voting for what one would assume is a no-brainer, inasmuch as the only other place on earth where such abominations take place is the cesspool known as China, seven Republicans voted along with the liberals. The unholy seven included Rep. Ron Paul. You kids still think he’d make a great president?

Barack Obama came into office saying the U.S. should be much more like Europe and now, thanks to his disastrous economic policies and his constant groveling to Russia, we are.

Criticizing this administration isn’t merely taking advantage of a freedom guaranteed us by the First Amendment, it’s a patriotic obligation.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

THE NEW IMPROVED CARDIFF GIANT

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by Burt Prelutsky

In October, 1869, there came news that workmen digging a well at a farm in Cardiff, a town near Syracuse, New York, had uncovered a petrified 12-foot giant.

The owner of the farm erected a huge tent over the giant and was soon charging people a quarter to see the attraction. Soon, the price went to 50 cents, and still the crowds came. When a group of Syracuse businessmen offered the farmer the fantastic sum of $37,500 for the giant, he sold.

It turned out to be a good investment because once the giant was placed on display in a Syracuse store front, the local economy enjoyed a boom. Eventually there came a day when archaeologists examined the giant and announced it to be a fraud. At which point, a factory owner named George Hull admitted that he had commissioned the hoax in order to prove how gullible Americans were.

Americans may be gullible, but they know what they want to see, be it the Cardiff Giant or the Kardashians. And so the crowds of tourists continued to line up.

It was at this point that P.T. Barnum, who was seeking a major attraction because his American Museum in New York had recently burned down, offered to take the giant off their hands for $60,000. When his offer was rebuffed, the great showman decided to commission his own replica. When it was built, he advertised it as the real Cardiff Giant, insisting that the original was a fake. In response, it was one of the Syracuse businessmen, not Barnum, who observed that there’s a sucker born every minute.

Although he didn’t utter the famous line that is usually attributed to him, Barnum did say: “The American people love to be humbugged.”

And it was that bit of folk wisdom that L. Frank Baum, who had watched the hoax unfold, employed when he eventually wrote “The Wizard of Oz.” When Dorothy’s little dog Toto pulls aside the curtain to reveal that the great and powerful Oz is nothing but a little old man who created his terrifying illusions with wires, smoke and ventriloquism, he sadly confesses, “I am a humbug.”

The Scarecrow scolds the con man, telling him he should be ashamed of himself for deluding Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the citizens of the Emerald City. To which, the erstwhile wizard replies, “I am. I certainly am. But it was the only thing I could do. The people were eager to be deluded and were willing to do anything I wished them to do.”

I would suggest that Barack Obama is our own Cardiff Giant. The people -- particularly white Americans -- were eager to be deluded by a black man who promised to absolve them of their historical guilt. In vowing to be the first post-racial president, this man, half white/part Arab, gave the impression that a vote for him would automatically erase a shameful history that included two centuries of slavery and roughly one century of Jim Crow laws.

But just like those other two earlier frauds, he was nothing more than a humbug that had been cobbled together in a Chicago cellar by certain interested parties, including the likes of David Axelrod, Rahm Emanuel, Valerie Jarrett, Van Jones, William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright and George Soros.

And just as their ancestors had done, large numbers of gullible Americans lined up to hand over their quarters and half dollars, not to mention their votes, and gaze in wonder at the big phony.

In a related matter, I just heard that in his preparation for the presidential debates, Obama has decided to have John Kerry represent Mitt Romney. It is Kerry’s contention that being from Massachusetts, the state that Romney governed for four years, nobody is in a better position to know what he is likely to say. Offhand, I would have thought that Kerry was better suited to run in a stakes race than to stand in for Romney. After all, when it comes to politics, he is strictly a horse’s patootie, while, if you judged him solely by his looks, you would guess that he eats his meals out of a feed bag.

At this point, Romney hasn’t yet announced whom he will use as a stand-in for Obama. Judging by the stiff and stilted delivery that has become Obama’s signature over the past few years, as he’s attempted to combine gravitas with an imperiousness unseen since the salad days of Benito Mussolini, I would advise Romney to practice with something like the Audio-Animatronic Abe Lincoln that delivers platitudes hour after hour at Disneyland.


Liberals: America’s Termites©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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Profiles of Success (60 candid conversations with 60 Over-Achievers)
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      Burt Prelutsky
      16604 Dearborn Street
      North Hills, CA 91343-3604.