Friday, November 30, 2012

QUOTING VOLTAIRE, SHAKESPEARE … & CARVILLE?

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
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by Burt Prelutsky

Voltaire, the 18th century philosopher, said, “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” These days, the obvious answer would be Barack Obama. But that wouldn’t even approach the correct answer. In our craven, oh so politically correct society, the right answer would include blacks -- both in and out of government -- illegal aliens, gay activists, Muslims, disability scammers, welfare recipients, teachers and other public sector union members.

Shakespeare famously wrote: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” To which, I say, what unmitigated poppycock! I realize that when a guy starts tossing around words like “thine,” “thou” and “canst,” it tends to make it sound like it’s coming straight from God. But blarney is blarney even if it’s attributed to the Bard of Avon. If a con man fully accepts his own corrupt nature for what it is, if, in other words, he is being true to himself, it seems to me that being false to other men is nothing more or less than his chosen vocation. It is what he evidently was born to do, much like Mozart was born to make music, Rembrandt was born to paint and Harry Reid was born to oversee funeral arrangements.

Speaking of pre-destiny, it occurs to me that some folks are born to be rich and others, such as myself, not to be. Many years ago, when I was writing a humor column for the L.A. Times, I devoted part of an article to the silly notion that, instead of dogs and cats, people should consider having rocks as pets. I pointed out that you didn’t have to feed them, give them shots or worry about their triggering your allergies.

A few months down the road, a fad known as Pet Rocks swept America. Like the earlier Hula Hoops and coonskin caps, you could hardly turn around without seeing them. I never heard from the guy who got rich off the novelty, and he never heard from me. Although I naturally hoped he’d send me a few bucks, I didn’t hold my breath waiting for a check. For all I knew, it was just one of those creative coincidences that sometimes occur. In any case, he was the guy who saw millions in the idea, whereas I had only seen an amusing way to fill a paragraph.

In retrospect, I suspect the guy was a conservative because, where others saw only rubble, he saw his fortune. On the other hand, I imagine that most, if not all, of his customers were liberals. After all, these boneheads are notorious for their willingness to buy anything anyone wants to sell them, even if it’s the same rocks they have in their own backyard. Not to mention in their own heads

Time and again, I have contended that conservative parents who can afford to send their kids to private schools or religious academies, or, better yet, home school their offspring, and don’t, are guilty of child abuse.

Towards the same end, I have tried to persuade wealthy conservatives to stop wasting their money trying to help elect an occasional politician, and, instead, to start buying up newspapers, magazines and TV stations. After all, by the time your kids are going off to be indoctrinated by left-wing professors, the battle has already been lost. Most 18-year-olds already regard their conservative parents as political Neanderthals, so that any further indoctrination will only be a case of gelding the lily, as it were. So long as the Left continues to control education and the mass media, they will continue to control the messages your children are absorbing.

I find it odd that parents will stop at nothing to prevent their kids from becoming addicted to drugs or falling under the influence of a religious cult, but they persist in turning a blind eye to those dedicated to turning them into left-wing zombies.

A friend who lives in Arizona sent me an email alerting me to the fact that the Los Angeles Press Club has bestowed its 2012 Visionary Award on none other than Jane Fonda. According to the proclamation, she is “the person in the entertainment industry who uses her high-profile status to make the world a better place and to spread information about issues of freedom and social importance.”

My friend wondered if there really was such a group. I assured him there was, indeed, such a club, but instead of a secret handshake or a password, the local journalists acknowledge one another by drooling over left-wing celebrities.

Furthermore, if I’m not mistaken, the Visionary was formerly known as the Benedict Arnold Award.

This brings us to James Carville, the cadaverous-looking political operative who helped unleash Bill Clinton on an unsuspecting world. In a quote that went viral, he was alleged to have said that “80% of Democrats are politically clueless. Truth is relative. Truth is whatever you can make the voter believe is the truth. That’s why I’m a Democrat. I can make Democratic voters think whatever I want them to.”

When I first read it, my reaction was that even a creep like Carville can be honest if you get him drunk enough. But upon further investigation, I discovered that, one, either he never said it; or, two, that he decided to deny he said it once he sobered up.

But isn’t it always that way with liberals? The only time they seem to make any sense at all is when they’re drunk or you are.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

AN INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSE

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

I have no idea what will be happening in the Middle East by the time this article is posted, but it almost doesn’t matter. If there’s a ceasefire, as now seems likely, everyone knows it will merely be a temporary stopgap until Iran supplies the barbarians with more missiles.

What I have found peculiar about events in that part of the world is how predictable they are. We all know that at some point, the Arabs and Muslims will start firing missiles into Israel, will plant bombs in buses and pizza parlors, and the news won’t even make page 27 of the NY Times. Then, after absorbing weeks of attacks and burying their dead, Israel will fight back, and the world media will start harping on Israel’s “disproportionate response” and start publishing photos of some Arab child’s dead body being carted through the streets of Gaza.

In a CNN poll taken after Israel finally got around to retaliating, 57% said that Israel was justified, 25% said they weren’t and 19% claimed not to have an opinion. When the poll was broken down, it seems that the 57% consisted of 74% Republicans, 59% Independents and a mere 40% of Democrats.

One has to wonder about the 26% of Republicans who staked out an anti-Israel position, but when it comes to Democrats, the only shock was that only 60% sided with the rabble.

Speaking of the rabble, I find it a lot more convenient to use that term instead of having to differentiate between Arabs and Muslims, when there really is no difference, as the Arab Spring made perfectly clear.

The same media that loves to play up the victims of Israeli retaliation, even when it turns out that the dead Gazan child who garnered so much early publicity hadn’t been killed by an Israeli bomb, but by a misfired missile, have a difficult time when it comes to covering the other side. For instance, when the Gazans decided that six of their own were Israeli sympathizers, they were dragged into the street where the mobs could kick them and spit on them. When they were dead, one of them was tied to the back of a motorcycle and dragged through the streets for the benefit of the cheering crowds. That happens to be their idea of a parade.

Frankly, those people are fortunate that the Israelis are much nicer than I am. If I possessed a nuclear arsenal, I would have turned Gaza into one huge cemetery by now. If it’s true that these people are all anxious to join Allah in the great beyond, they would find me to be one infidel who would be only too willing to send them on their way.

The good thing about those in the media who are always quick to condemn Israel for using too much force is that it makes anti-Semites so easy to identify. If your neighbor provokes you by showering your nation with missiles for months on end, the only response that’s inappropriate is no response.

Here at home, we’ve had Obama pretending to be Sir Lancelot, insisting that anyone wishing to attack Susan Rice for lying about the Benghazi massacre should pick on him, instead. I’m only too happy to oblige. The first question is, why, of all people, the ambassador to the U.N. would have been sent out to lie on five Sunday news shows when even the administration said she didn’t know anything and was merely regurgitating talking points. Could it possibly be that because she’s both black and female, she is supposed to be above criticism?

The second question is why her boss gave a speech at the U.N. a week later and was still blaming a silly video for the deaths of Ambassador Stevens and the other three Americans. The obvious answer is that with the election coming up quickly, he was still pretending that by giving the order to kill Osama bin Laden, he had singlehandedly destroyed al Qaeda. That was his fairy tale and he and Biden were sticking to it.

No holiday season would be complete without atheists making fools of themselves. In fact, it’s just about the only Christmas tradition that doesn’t seem to be in danger of disappearing anytime soon.

I don’t happen to be a Christian, but at least I understand why people want to be Christians. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why anyone would not only want to be an atheist activist, but join others in an organization. I wouldn’t even think it would be a very good way for guys to meet girls; although, perhaps, a good way to meet other girly men.

Recently, as you may have read, a group of these pinheads got the city of Santa Monica to end its 60-year tradition of erecting crèches in a park overlooking the Pacific.

The problem for Santa Monica and all the other cities and towns that have been bullied into compliance by these self-righteous creeps is that it costs a lot of money to fight back in court, especially when it’s likely that left-wing judges will side with the loons.
I blame the federal government. If they would only pass a law that no case can be filed on the basis that “separation of church and state” exists in the Constitution, Christians could get back to celebrating the birth of their savior any which way they like.

As for atheists, they can believe or not believe whatever they wish. But once they join a group of fellow non-believers and adopt “Bah, Humbug” as their official motto, they might as well carry a sign that says, “I’m a pathetic loser. And, to prove it, I belong to a cult that believes Bill Maher is God.”

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Burt Prelutsky
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If you order using Burt’s Bookstore before December 17, Burt will even ship your personally autographed gift (with your brief, g-rated inscription) directly to your recipent in time for Christmas, complete with his stern warning on the package:  Do not open before Christmas! If you order from Burt’s Bookstore, don't forget to send Burt your autographing instructions. Only one address per order, please.

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Monday, November 26, 2012

SHARIA LAW, AMERICAN STYLE

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.
by Burt Prelutsky

It’s liberals who are always accusing conservatives of sticking their noses into places where they don’t belong. Being liberals, those places nearly always involve s-e-x.

For instance, when left-wingers push for same-sex marriages, abortions on demand for teenagers and tax-funded birth control pills, and conservatives push back, the Left condemns the Right for meddling in personal matters, ignoring the fact that they’re the ones who insist on putting these things into their party’s platform.

In the meantime, it’s liberals who insist on controlling everything from soda pop consumption to Christmas. Consider that Michael Bloomberg, the dwarf nanny of New York City, has come out in favor of a mosque at Ground Zero, but has waged a holy war against sugar, salt and large containers of Coke. Rahm Emanuel, who confuses his job as mayor of the murder capital of America with bring a nutritionist, spends his time making sure that Chicago’s vending machines not offer anything people might actually want to eat. Barack Obama lives up to his name by discouraging any references to Islamic terrorism, even going so far as to dismiss Major Hasan’s jihadist-inspired killing spree at Fort Hood as workplace violence, and making sure that the guy responsible for producing the video mocking Mohammad was tossed in the clink.

And, of course, any soldier caught trashing a Koran or talking trash to any of the Muslim terrorists stashed at Gitmo can expect to be court-martialed.

In the aftermath of the election, a number of so-called conservatives blasted Mitt Romney for telling the truth, or at least a big part of the truth regarding the reason he lost the election. It’s no secret that politicians always run a terrible risk when they stop mincing their words, but you don’t expect them to be bushwhacked by members of their own party. But no sooner had Romney explained that he couldn’t overcome all the bribes in the form of welfare, cell phones and food stamps, doled out by Obama’s administration, than he found himself being mugged by the likes of Chris Christie, Bobby Jindal and George Will. Aside from the fact that these are the last three guys who would have been chosen by either captain of a junior high school sports team, have they no idea how silly they sound with their self-righteous blather?

Among voters earning less than $30,000-a-year, Obama received seven million more votes than Romney. Do Christie, Jindal and Will, really think they voted for Obama because they approved of same-sex marriage, his foreign policy or Michelle’s crusade against cookies?

That reminds me that Republicans who think that if their candidates reach out to Hispanic voters by letting them know that they are the party that cares about religion and family values and opposes abortion, the Latinos will flock to them in 2014, 2016 and forevermore, they’re merely displaying their ignorance. While it’s true that there’s a segment of that group, 29% in the recent election, who care about such things, the majority doesn’t. And they wouldn’t have changed their vote even if Marco Rubio had replaced Paul Ryan on the ticket. For one thing, Rubio is of Cuban heritage, a heritage that is quite different from that of Mexicans, Guatemalans and Puerto Ricans.

For another thing, the majority of Hispanics do not, like former waves of immigrants, come to America with the idea of assimilating. Also, unlike the immigrants who came here from Europe and Asia, they do not place a high premium on getting an education. And even if they did, thanks to the evil known as bi-lingual education, their kids are often left in the dust by the competition. It’s no wonder that the drop-out rate from high school for Hispanics is as high as it is. And if there weren’t a law against it, they would drop out of grammar school.

No other group of immigrants has resisted assimilation the way these people have. And instead of it being viewed as a national tragedy, the pinheads who promote cultural diversity regard it as a reason to celebrate. But, then, it’s not their kids who wind up having to flip burgers, mow lawns or peddle drugs.

As for the much-vaunted religiosity of Hispanics, old women may still attend church regularly. Young Hispanics, however, prefer spending their time in other ways, which has resulted in a 50% illegitimacy rate in their community. Still below that of blacks, but give them time; they’re pretty new at it when it comes to women raising kids on their own.

Of the three Republican thugs who fell on Romney, the worst, as you might expect, is the gargantuan Chris Christie, who was last seen strolling hand-in-hand with Barack Obama the week prior to the election. One could have gotten the idea that the two found each other as a result of filling out eHarmony questionnaires. After all, it seems they both like cheeseburgers and ice cream cones and moonlight walks through hurricane-ravaged communities.

Apparently, they also both have a soft spot in their hearts for questionable Islamics. Christie has appointed four schmucks to his Muslim Outreach Commission that should be reason enough to trigger an FBI investigation into his own connection to scumbags. The four include Imam Mohammad Qatanani, whose deportation is sought by the Department of Homeland Security for his failure to disclose on his green card application that he was arrested by the Israelis in 1993 for his ties to Hamas; along with Ahmed Shedeed, Mohammed Younes and Imam Abdul Basit, all of whom have direct links to Hamas and/or the Muslim Brotherhood.

In response to Romney stating that it was Obama’s gifts to minorities and young voters that cost him the election, honorable Imam Christie had the gall to bloviate: “You can’t expect to be a leader of all the people and be divisive. You have to talk about themes, policies that unite people, and play to their aspirations and their goals and their hopes for their family and their neighbors.”

It so happens Romney did exactly that.

The problem is that, for the majority of blacks, Hispanics and young white morons, what they aspired to was free stuff.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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If you order using Burt’s Bookstore before December 17, Burt will even ship your personally autographed gift (with your brief, g-rated inscription) directly to your recipent in time for Christmas, complete with his stern warning on the package:  Do not open before Christmas! If you order from Burt’s Bookstore, don't forget to send Burt your autographing instructions. Only one address per order, please.

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Friday, November 23, 2012

CLEARING THE DESK

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

Every so often, I find myself being buried in memos I have jotted down. It is then that I decide it’s time to unburden myself, lest my wife walks into my office one day and finds our dog frantically trying to dig me out.

To begin with, in the aftermath of the election, I found myself thinking that, as hopeless as things look, if Germany, Japan and Italy, could all recover from the mess that Hitler, Hirohito and Mussolini, got them into, it’s just possible that we will ultimately be able to survive Obama. But I sure wish we didn’t have to wait four years to find out.

I was also reminded of something I believe Winston Churchill once said: “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with a typical voter.”

In Metamorphosis, a novella Franz Kafka wrote nearly a century ago, his protagonist, Gregor Samsa, wakes up one morning to find he’s been transformed into an ungeheuron Ungeziefer, which, literally translated, is a monstrous vermin, but is generally taken to be a cockroach. I can’t help thinking that in a modern version, it would be great to have a cockroach wake up in the White House and be magically transformed into a human being.

I think the reason that Democrats get away with so much cheating at election time is that they have managed to turn it into joke material. Although voting is one of the most sacred duties Americans have, we have all grown accustomed to joshing about people in Chicago voting early and often and about dead people casting ballots. We all know that it has become habitual for Democrats such as Al Franken, when finding themselves in tough elections, to suddenly have boxes of uncounted Democratic ballots showing up in closets, church basements and the trunks of ’87 Buicks.

In a way, it’s like all the jokes we used to hear about Siberia when the brutal Soviet Union, the left-winger’s weird notion of Paradise, was using it as a frozen burial ground for political dissidents. Nobody, you must have noticed, ever made comparable jokes about Auschwitz and Buchenwald.

We’re all much better off when we confine ourselves to making fun of liberals. For instance, it was recently discovered by 48 year old ditz Janeane Garofalo that she’d been married for the past 20 years to TV producer Rob Cohen. As she tells it: “We got married drunk in Vegas at a drive-through chapel while sitting in a cab. We thought you had to go down to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so who knew? But apparently now that Rob is getting married for real, his lawyer dug up something.”

Perhaps what he dug up was an article I wrote a few years ago in which I made fun of a number of show biz marriages, including hers!

Keep in mind this is a middle-aged woman who has devoted a good part of her life to calling conservatives stupid. I guess when you get to a certain age and are still saying things like “sign papers and stuff,” you have formally declared your intention of remaining a perpetual teenager, no matter what it says on your birth certificate, on your marriage license or in your mirror.

If the folks at Columbia who hand out Pulitzer Prizes were actually in the business of recognizing journalistic excellence -- and not merely out to make the NY Times, in the face of diminished readership and revenue, feel good about itself -- they would recognize Fox News for its singular coverage of the Benghazi massacre and the subsequent cover-up, a political scandal that dwarfs Tea Pot Dome, Iran-Contra and Watergate.

Speaking of Benghazi, I can’t recall a time when military brass has been quite this tarnished. In addition to Generals David Petraeus and John Allen, we have recently seen 4-star General William (“Kip”) Ward lose two stars for squandering hundreds of thousands of our tax dollars treating himself and his relatives to travel on military jets and luxurious hotel accommodations; and Brig. General Jeffrey Sinclair stands a mighty fine chance of winding up in Leavenworth for raping and sodomizing women in the military and for turning a blind eye to troops under his command in Afghanistan doing the same.

Although I have great respect for the grunts who do the fighting and dying in far-off places, I have pretty much of a jaundiced eye when it comes to generals. This is especially so in the case of those who have risen in the ranks since the days when Jimmy Carter was the commander-in-chief. I have come to see them as people who would have been typical politicians had they elected to remain civilians. The way I see it, unless you die in action or come home with missing body parts, you’re not entitled to assume you command the moral high ground and you’re certainly not entitled to sport more medals than Idi Amin.

Finally, I have to confess that I have never understood the LGBT alliance. I really can’t imagine why any self-respecting lesbian or gay person would want to align him or herself with bisexuals, who half the time are consorting with the enemy, and the transgender crowd, those poor muddled souls who can’t even figure out which bathroom to use.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article:
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67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604
If you order using Burt’s Bookstore before December 17, Burt will even ship your personally autographed gift (with your brief, g-rated inscription) directly to your recipent in time for Christmas, complete with his stern warning on the package:  Do not open before Christmas! If you order from Burt’s Bookstore, don't forget to send Burt your autographing instructions. Only one address per order, please.

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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

OVER THE CLIFF WE GO….WHEE!

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

The only consolation to being in my 70s is that I got to spend most of my life in a pre-Obama America, and probably won’t have to spend too many years in the post-Obama one.

I hate to be a gloomy Gus, but prior to the election, I wrote that the nation could probably survive another four years of this schmuck, but what it couldn’t survive is an electorate that would give him another four years in which to do his dirty work.

By now, even Obama must be embarrassed to keep blaming Bush. But being the sort of egotist who can never acknowledge his own miserable failings, I fully expect he will now start blaming Biden. Speaking of Biden, it’s often said of vice-presidents that they provide the president with more protection than the Secret Service. But for my part, I would actually prefer to see Biden in the Oval Office. At least, thanks to his gift for malaprops, he could be counted on to keep us laughing.

What confounds me about the left-wing lap dogs in the media is the way they keep insisting that their role is to speak truth to power when, in fact, all they really do is provide cover for Obama and his cronies in Congress. For instance, remember how upset they were when George Bush got the Patriot Act passed, when he invaded Afghanistan and when he refused to shut down Gitmo?

Well, here it is 2012. Obama has extended the Patriot Act, lost more American lives in Afghanistan in four years than Bush did in seven and kept Gitmo open, and nobody in the media or the Democratic Party is calling him a fascist, calling for his impeachment or suggesting he should die a painful death. On top of all that, he has employed drones to assassinate terrorists with little or no concern for so-called collateral damage. Understand, I have mentioned a few of the things that I personally approve of, but how is it that liberals aren’t raising a stink about it? It’s because they are hypocrites, first, last and always. So long as their side wins elections, nothing else matters. That’s why Sen. Feinstein initially vowed to get to the bottom of the national security leaks to the NY Times, and then shut her yap when it became obvious that Obama was the source of leaks that were intended to bolster his foreign policy decisions leading up to the election.

Can you imagine what the Democrats would have said if President Bush had spent months avoiding having an actual press conference, preferring to be pandered to by David Letterman, Jay Leno, the goofy ladies on The View and talking football on 9/11 with Lazaro Mendez, who bills himself as the Pimp with the Limp on his morning radio show? Hard to believe the media would have let Bush get away with attacking Fox News if he then pretended that Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg and Senor Mendez, were the reincarnation of Edward R. Murrow, Eric Sevareid and Howard K. Smith.

In California, in case it escaped your attention, it seems that lemmings, along with illegal aliens, are now being encouraged to vote. How else to explain that in a state that has seen one city after another file for bankruptcy, and where gas prices continue to remain at least 60 cents above the national average, the electorate went along with Jerry Brown and voted to increase income taxes and sales taxes?

In spite of the fact that in many countries, Obama’s re-election was the cause for jubilation -- no doubt because misery, as usual, loves company – an English journalist named Janet Daley, writing in the Telegraph, observed that:
Janet Daley
Europe got the American president it wanted, the one who would present no threat to its own delusions. The United States is now officially one of us: an Old World country complete with class hatred, ethnic Balkanization, bourgeois guilt and a paternalistic ruling elite. And it is locked into the same death spiral of high public spending and self-defeating wealth redistribution as we are. Welcome to the future, and the beginning of what may turn out to be the terminal decline of the West. 
I have long contended that the biggest problem with conservatives is that they waste their money trying to win occasional elections. If they had the brains they were born with, billionaires like the Koch brothers and casino mogul Sheldon Adelson would start gobbling up newspapers, magazines and TV stations. They don’t have to sink any money into radio stations, where conservative talk show hosts continue to rule the roost. But so long as the Left controls the media outlets, they will continue to provide cover for the radicals who dominate the Democratic Party. Adelson, bless his heart, owns a newspaper, but it happens to be in Israel, which doesn’t do American conservatives a damn bit of good.

My wife informs me that even our fashion magazines are filled with pro-Leftist claptrap. So is it any wonder that single women continue to be seduced into voting overwhelmingly for the miserable likes of Clinton, Gore, Kerry and Obama?

I’m reminded of a joke I heard recently. A man and a woman strike up a conversation in a bar. The guy admits that he just got out of jail after serving a 20-year term for killing his wife and chopping her up with an axe.

After a couple of seconds, the woman says, “So you’re single.”

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, November 19, 2012

THE NOOKY FOLLIES

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Liberals: America’s TermitesBurt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

When you realize how many political careers and reputations have been destroyed because of sex scandals over the past several years, it’s truly mind-boggling. David Petraeus is just the latest in a long line that goes back at least as far as John Kennedy and includes the likes of Gary Hart, Bob Packwood, Wilbur Mills, Ted Kennedy, Mark Sanford, Anthony Weiner, John Edwards and Bill Clinton. Frankly, it’s a wonder that any of these guys ever got any work done.

It’s probably not that much of a shock when you consider that most politicians were formerly lawyers. And if it’s true that the ranks of dentists and psychiatrists are filled with would-be doctors who found they couldn’t stand the sight of blood, it’s probably fair to assume that politicians were lawyers who couldn’t stand the thought of working for a living.

But I think the bigger message we can take away from the rise and fall of Mr. Petraeus is that we would all do well to stop making heroes out of people we don’t really know. It’s bad enough when teenagers glom onto entertainers and athletes, but at least one can hope they’ll eventually grow out of wanting to emulate the likes of Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Michael Vick and Lance Armstrong.

There’s nothing wrong with admiring someone’s accomplishments, but if you’re looking for heroes, you should probably start looking closer to home. Find people whose honesty and character you’re actually in a position to vouch for. Maybe it’s your mom or dad, perhaps even a sibling. If you’re fortunate enough, you might even see one in your mirror.

Just keep in mind that just about everyone you see in the movies, on TV, in the stadium or arena or read about in newspapers and magazines, has a publicity person on salary whose job is to promote their image. Nobody ever hired a flack to make them look bad. Therefore, when you read about some famous person who finally gets caught misbehaving, it’s safe to assume you don’t know the half of it.

In the aftermath of the election, it has occurred to me that it is foolish to discuss the Catholic vote. When you realize that Obama received the bulk of Hispanic votes in spite of his endorsement of abortion and same-sex marriages, and his war on the Church over birth control pills for Church employees, it’s obvious that religion is a goofy basis upon which to base their identity. It’s just as foolish as believing that religion plays any role in the way that Jews vote. The fact of the matter is that the huge majority of orthodox Jews vote for conservatives. It’s secular Jews who overwhelmingly support liberal candidates. But pollsters continue to group them together and to then refer to the Jewish vote as if it’s monolithic and has anything to do with Judaism.

My jocular response to nutty people who have suggested that I should run for president is that I would except for the dress code. As one who has grown accustomed to running around in tennis shorts, sneakers and Hawaiian shirts, I wouldn’t even consider taking a job that required me to wear a suit and tie. Still and all, I’ll admit that I didn’t like seeing Obama or Romney, for that matter, campaigning in their shirtsleeves. If I had known that a suit and tie were now optional, I just might have thrown my baseball cap in the ring.

If I’m not mistaken, the slide in decorum began, not too surprisingly, with Bill Clinton. Before him, about the most embarrassing things that occurred during presidential campaigns, was seeing the candidates don Indian war bonnets, kissing babies and chowing down on such ethnic, vote-getting, delicacies as pizzas, strudel and knishes. While it’s true that Nixon, generally the stodgiest of politicians, went on Laugh-In and in a futile attempt to seem like a regular guy, said “Sock it to me!” it took Clinton going on MTV and telling the world whether he wore jockey shorts or boxers to place the presidential limbo pole at ground level. Monica Lewinsky was merely the inevitable result of electing the horny oaf to the highest office in the land.

Therefore, it was no big surprise to see Obama during the campaign popping up to chitchat with the tawdry likes of Barbara Walters, Joy Behar, Jay Leno, David Letterman and Lazaro Mendez, the radio host who bills himself as the Pimp with a Limp.

Speaking of he who should be back in Chicago, it’s not certain, as I sit here, whether Barack Obama will nominate U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice to replace Hillary Clinton as the Secretary of State. My question, though, is: How is it that Madeleine Albright, Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, Mrs. Clinton and now, possibly, Ms. Rice, have all been deemed fit for the job?

Just when was it decided that a position that had been held by the likes of Thomas Jefferson, John Marshall, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Henry Clay, Martin Van Buren, Daniel Webster, William Jennings Bryan, George Marshall and John Foster Dulles, would become nothing more than the final rung on the ladder of affirmative action?

In 20 short years, it’s gone from being a tough job for tough-minded people to being a really bad joke. Sort of like the presidency, itself, now that I think of it.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky.

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If you order using Burt’s Bookstore before December 17, Burt will even ship your personally autographed gift (with your brief, g-rated inscription) directly to your recipent in time for Christmas, complete with his stern warning on the package:  Do not open before Christmas! If you order from Burt’s Bookstore, don't forget to send Burt your autographing instructions. Only one address per order, please.

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Friday, November 16, 2012

MOVING FORWARD

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, California, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

There is a great deal of hand-wringing and finger-pointing going on in Republican circles after the recent election. Much of it is justified. After all, how is it possible that after four years of Obama’s policies that have resulted in a terrible economy, a weakened military and ObamaCare, Mitt Romney could possibly receive two million fewer votes than John McCain?

On the other hand, it’s not too shocking that Harry Reid and the Democrats picked up two additional Senate seats. Did nobody think to check Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock for signs of insanity before allowing them to win their GOP primaries? When one of these guys talks about legitimate rape and the other schmuck suggests that rape just might be part of God’s overall plan, they don’t belong in the U.S. Senate, they belong in a loony bin. For those who can’t see the difference between the two places, I’m referring to the one with the padded walls.

Going forward, I would like to see the Republicans attempt to impeach the president. I wouldn’t expect to see Obama booted out of office, but I’m convinced that the GOP has to at least go through the motions. If they’re going to give Americans a reason to believe there is a real difference between the two parties, they have to take action against a commander-in-chief who places more importance on his own re-election than on our nation’s security.

The articles of impeachment should start with the leaks from his administration to the NY Times that, among other things, led to Pakistan’s imprisoning a doctor for 33 years for his role in leading us to Osama bin Laden.

Then there’s the matter of all the lies that Obama, Susan Rice and Joe Biden, told about the terrorist attack in Benghazi, pretending that a video had anything to do with the murders of our ambassador to Libya and three of his courageous colleagues. This cover-up not only makes Watergate seem like an innocent prank, but points out how biased the media is when you consider what a big deal they made of the earlier scandal and how little attention they paid to the one that resulted in the massacre of four Americans.

And, finally, there is the fact that the FBI was ordered to hold off going public about the Petraeus-Broadwell affair until after the election. Apparently, the CIA Director shared national security secrets during pillow talk with his biographer, which should lead to his imprisonment and not merely to a divorce. (If nothing else, the affair gives new meaning to a journalist being embedded with the military.)

Getting back to the election, the aftermath reminded me of the 1990 Super Bowl game. With eight seconds left in the game, the New York Giants were leading the Buffalo Bills 20-19 when Scott Norwood attempted a 47-yard field goal. If he made the kick, the Bills would have won 22-20. But his kick sailed right of the goal post by a yard. If it had hit the right goal post and bounced left, he would have been a hero and the Bills would have won the championship.

Instead, the next day all the football pundits were pondering the future of the Bills. What was needed? A new head coach? New assistant coaches? A different quarterback? An entirely different offense? None of these questions would have been raised if the football had gone 37 inches to the left.

Well, that’s how close the election was. Perhaps if Romney had chosen Marco Rubio as his running mate, it would have sucked enough of those Hispanic votes away from Obama to have changed the results. Or, perhaps if half of those two million Republicans who somehow imagined that a nincompoop like McCain would make a better president than Romney had gotten off their lazy duffs and voted, we wouldn’t be facing another four years of Obama, along with ObamaCare and God only knows how many new left-wing Supreme Court justices.

Clearly something will have to change over the next four years if we Republicans are going to have any chance of taking back the White House, but it might be something as seemingly insignificant as getting a new field goal kicker.

I will confess that the other day, I woke up convinced that it was November 3rd and that the election was still three days off. It just didn’t seem possible that America had actually re-elected Barack Obama. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I realized that the election had actually taken place and that it hadn’t been one of my infrequent nightmares.

Although I heard a few rumors of cheating having taken place on November 6th, particularly in Florida and Pennsylvania, where in certain counties, the votes apparently out-numbered the voters, I’m not sure if Obama’s victory was or wasn’t the result of cheating, as it surely was when Kennedy defeated Nixon, when Al Franken defeated Norm Coleman and when any number of Democratic congressmen have defeated their opponents. But I do know that nothing will change until Republicans start doing some cheating of their own.

Understand, I don’t approve of cheating, but so long as Democrats receive all the benefits and suffer none of the negative consequences, they will do everything they can to make certain the vile practice continues unabated.

It’s only when boxes of uncounted votes start turning up in the trunks of Republicans, that white thugs start to intimidate black voters and that dead people finally start voting overwhelmingly for conservative candidates, that Democrats will finally have a reason to become morally outraged.

How is it that there are stricter rules governing baseball than politics? I mean, if they can keep cheaters out of Cooperstown, how is it we can’t keep them out of Congress or the Oval Office?
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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To order by mail, send your check to:

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If you order using Burt’s Bookstore before December 17, Burt will even ship your personally autographed gift (with your brief, g-rated inscription) directly to your recipent in time for Christmas, complete with his stern warning on the package:  Do not open before Christmas! If you order from Burt’s Bookstore, don't forget to send Burt your autographing instructions. Only one address per order, please.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

ALAS, E PLURIBUS PLURIBUS

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

Not being conversant in Latin, I may have bungled the title, but I figure that if e pluribus unum means one out of many, what we have turned into is an America that the Founding Fathers would never recognize. When you look at the election map, we more closely resemble the Balkans than the America that used to lie between the Atlantic and the Pacific.

Even if, like me, you wonder what happened to those two million Republicans who saw fit to vote for John McCain, but decided to stay home this time alphabetizing their canned goods, there’s no getting around the fact that Obama has managed to expand on FDR’s base. Whereas Roosevelt managed to win four elections by appealing mainly to blacks, Jews and union members, Obama has cobbled together those three blocs along with Hispanics, homosexuals, single women, Asians, Muslims and college students.

One can hardly blame Obama for causing divisions. After all, he was desperately seeking re-election. And you can’t blame Romney although a lot of right-wing Monday morning quarterbacks are doing so. He ran a fine campaign. And if the guy who oversaw the worsening of a bad economy; pushed through ObamaCare; lied about Benghazi; and promoted class, gender and race, warfare, could get himself re-elected, you can’t blame his opponent.

You can, however, blame the media that stood by while Obama provided the clumsiest cover-up of a government scandal since Watergate; that helped him portray Romney as an evil plutocrat; and applauded his every utterance as if it came straight from the Mount.

You can also blame parents who have reared the greediest, most self-indulgent, self-satisfied, bunch of hedonistic morons in this nation’s history. I mean, it’s not as if these youngsters who think that everything from a college education to cell phones and a lifetime supply of birth control pills are entitlements, were hatched from eggs, although they clearly have close ties to those, such as chickens and snakes, who are.

The reason that the future looks so bleak is because, as I wrote prior to the election, America could probably survive four more years of Obama, but it can’t survive a population that would re-elect him. It means that the takers now out-number the makers. What’s more, when you consider the demographics, it’s obvious that Obama’s groupies breed at a far faster rate than the rest of us. I guess that figures because they have so much more time to devote to that particular activity.

After Obama defeated Romney, Paul Krugman, who would be an embarrassment to the NY Times if the Times had the capacity to be embarrassed, advised Obama not to even consider compromising with the Republicans in the House. Instead, Krugman, who has won a Nobel Prize in the field of Economics, said Obama should call their bluff and let the economy go over the cliff. I guess there’s no reason why a guy who pulls down about $50,000 per speaking gig should concern himself with what another recession will do to the middle class. It just goes to show that the Peace Prize isn’t the only inexcusable waste of Alfred Nobel’s TNT royalties.

In the aftermath of the election, Chris Matthews thanked Hurricane Sandy for helping to get Obama re-elected. In a way, it’s rather magnanimous of Matthews to give a thumbs-up to a malevolent Mother Nature. It can only mean that he has finally forgiven the old girl for cursing him with that embarrassing lisp.

Speaking of Sandy, I have tried in vain to find mention of any nation offering to help us deal with the debt and destruction left in its wake. I would hope, but not expect, that Congress would keep that in mind when determining to which nations we should extend foreign aid with money we first have to borrow from the shylocks in China.

There are two groups of people to whom we are expected to bend a knee simply because they are identified as civil rights leaders or former members of the military. In the first group, we find such leeches as Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Joseph (“White folks are all going to Hell”) Lowery, the reverend who delivered the benediction at Obama’s inauguration, no doubt because Jeremiah Wright was still busy crawling out from under the bus where Obama had thrown him.

In the second group, we find the likes of Colin Powell, David Petraeus, Charley Rangel, John McCain and the late Rep. John Murtha. I’m not sure if the Peter Principle applies, the notion that people tend to rise in a bureaucracy to their level of incompetence, but it certainly seemed to kick in once these guys returned to civilian life.

In the aftermath of the election, I have tried to adopt a philosophical attitude. I tried to remind myself that this, too, will pass. But that’s like saying this, too, will pass when referring to a kidney stone the size of Obama.

Frankly, I’m not sure what I find the most disgusting, but contenders are, one, that 80% of blacks, whites and Hispanics, between the ages of 18 and 29, voted for Obama; that a super candidate like Romney couldn’t even do as well as John McCain; or that 50,000 Americans squandered their birthright voting for Roseanne Barr.

Finally, on November 6, 2012, it’s as if the ship of state was renamed the Titanic and the majority of the passengers said, “Hey, look, there’s an iceberg. Let’s hit it!”
©2012 Burt Prelutsky.
Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, November 12, 2012

2016

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. Larry Fargher of Santa Clara, CA, won the October drawing.  A copy of Liberals: America’s Termites is on its way to him.

by Burt Prelutsky

The next presidential election is just four short years away. It seemed like just yesterday that we Republicans envisioned a future of Romney, Ryan and Rubio. Now we have to wonder if we were too quick to laugh when Joe Biden said that this wouldn’t be his last hurrah, and that he would be on the ballot next time. These days, that seems all too possible. After all, if the majority of Americans don’t object to his being a heartbeat away from the Oval Office, why would they object to his actually having the heart that some other Vice President would be monitoring on a daily, if not hourly, basis?

After all, Biden will only be 73 when Obama vacates the White House. No doubt he will have even more hair and whiter teeth by then. Because the Republican Party will have gone the way of the Whigs and the Bull Moose, his only real worry will be whether Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton, who will be 69, but only 10 or 11 in dog years, decides to take him on.

If I’m still around, I’ll probably even vote for him. For one thing, he couldn’t possibly be worse than Obama. For another, I’ll never forget that he recently stated, “There’s never been a day in the last four years that I’ve been proud to be his Vice President.” That sort of candor should be rewarded.

It is a mystery to me, and one that will never be solved to my satisfaction, how it is that the majority of Americans can see what is happening in Greece and still continue to vote for left-wing ideologues like Barack Obama, who subscribe to the belief that the money that the government prints is every bit as good as the money that people earn. The closest I have come to generating a theory is that most people fail to see what is happening in Greece because they’re too busy watching really dumb shows on TV, and couldn’t find Greece on a map even if you printed “Athens” in really big letters.

I regret to admit that I come from a family of Democrats. Being secular Jews who were born in Russia, my parents seemed to suffer from the delusion common to a great many Jews that it was FDR, not Moses, who brought the tablets down from Mount Sinai. It helps explain why so many non-religious Jews regard it as a semi-sacred duty to vote for liberals.

I was so mistaken about the recent election that I actually believed that when the utility workers from Alabama who had come north to New Jersey in order to help the state restore power, and were turned away by the union thugs who demanded that they join the union or go home, it would open the eyes of the voters to how vile Obama’s public sector allies really are. But no such luck.

Aside from the fact that a lot of decent people are left to suffer without electricity, one of the truly despicable things about all this is that these blue collar union guys, who don’t give a damn about anything but saving all the work and overtime for themselves, are the very same schmucks who rail at the guys at the Stock Exchange for being greedy. Perhaps they are, although I have always found it peculiar that greed invariably seems to be a sin that only applies to other people, but at least no 80-year-old is going without heat and light because of those nogootniks on Wall Street.

I was reminded of the newspaper strike that took place in New York City in 1962-63. It killed off several newspapers, costing thousands of newsmen their livelihoods. By the time it ended, the papers had lost $100 million in sales and advertising, while the workers had lost $50 million in wages. But the union leaders were happy. So far as they were concerned, the other side had eventually caved, their own jobs were secure, and that’s all that really mattered.

Those at least were private sector unions. As such things are measured, it was a fair fight. It cost both sides. But in the intervening 50 years, we have seen public sector unions spring up. When these palookas negotiate, it’s with politicians. Therefore, the only side that loses is the one that never has a seat at the table: the taxpayers. The unions get whatever they ask for in terms of salary and pensions, and the politicians get the promise of campaign donations and campaign volunteers. And, most pathetic of all, because these groups include such sacred cows as cops, firemen and teachers, the poor suckers who are being financially bled to death are reluctant to object.

Finally, I’ve been thinking about our military. It seems to me that going back as far as Korea, it has been America’s policy, no matter who happens to be the president, to do everything in our power not to win wars. Apparently, it’s a carryover from the liberal belief that competition is a bad thing and that when kids play games, scores should not be kept, lest the losers wind up feeling like losers.

At some point, Americans began to look at our soldiers and, instead of seeing warriors, began to see Boy Scouts and Brownies. I first became aware of that during Desert Storm when I began reading editorials stating that something needed to be done and done quickly because the chocolate bars being issued to our soldiers were melting in the summer heat of Iraq and Kuwait.

The next thing I knew, Major Hasan was free to murder several Americans at his leisure because it had been decided that an army base, Fort Hood, would be a gun-free zone, except of course, for Muslim jihadists. Fortunately, a pistol-packing policewoman was in the neighborhood and she finally brought him down, ending the bloodbath that came to be referred to by this administration as workplace violence.

Frankly, inasmuch as our military has been singularly devoted for the past few decades to fighting and dying on behalf of one set of Muslims under attack by another equally vile set, I don’t see any real need to maintain a military.

The money saved could be used to pay down the national debt, but I suspect that America’s favorite fun couple would prefer to spend it on White House galas and exotic vacations.

And judging by the recent election, the American voter, who might well turn out to be Time magazine’s Simpleton of the Year, wouldn’t have it any other way.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky.
Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article:
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