Monday, December 31, 2012

A YEAR-END SMORGASBORD

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to


Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation.

The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

by Burt Prelutsky

If you’re anything like me, please accept my condolences. God knows it’s not easy being us. For one thing, you can’t stop seeking logical reasons for everything that happens even though you know that the search will, far more often than not, end fruitlessly. Our tombstones could read: “Finally, a logical conclusion.”

For instance, when I’m mailing out one of my books, unless it’s “Liberals: America’s Termites,” I have to make a trip to the Post Office. That’s because only “Termites,” at 11 ounces, is light enough to deposit in a mail box. In case it’s escaped your notice, you are not allowed to mail a stamped package weighing in excess of 13 ounces. I always assumed this rule came about because of Ted Kaczynski, a Harvard grad who came to be known as the Unabomber when, between 1978 and 1995, he mailed out 16 bombs that killed three people and maimed 23 others. But inasmuch as he was arrested in 1996 and the Post Office didn’t lower the limit from 16 ounces until 2007, it either means my assumption was incorrect or, more likely, that it took a federal agency all that time to cut through the red tape.

I recently suggested that wealthy conservatives, instead of bankrolling occasional elections, would have far more influence if they started buying up newspapers, magazines and TV stations. It has since occurred to me that Glenn Beck could have done more good if he had bought an existing Texas daily instead of creating The Blaze. The fact is The Blaze will not convert anyone to our side. Only those already committed to conservatism will even be aware it exists. Is it any wonder that the Left controls the mass media and pop culture, and therefore the message, when the Right is seemingly content to play defense?

Speaking of conversion, quite often, but especially during the Christmas season, I receive messages from readers who urge me to become a Christian. It never bothers me. Although I haven’t the slightest intention of converting, I find that I appreciate their concern. Why would I resent people who only know me from my articles worrying about my eternal soul? I take it as a compliment, even if that’s not always the way they intend it. In fact, if I could choose, I’d take their email over the stuff that includes videos, links and those endless invitations to stroll down memory lane. For me, at least, nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

When I hear Obama insisting to the Republicans in Congress that when it comes to taxes and spending, it’s his way or the highway, I understand what people mean when they refer to sore winners. Perhaps it’s because in his entire Affirmative Action-coddled life, he has never been forced to accept the inevitable losses that lead to maturity, he remains, even in his 50s, as blissfully unaware of his numerous shortcomings as your typical spoiled teenager.

My friend, Don Melquist, otherwise known as the Pride of Green Valley, Arizona, recently pointed out to me what a huge role bossy black women have played in Obama’s life. The ladies include Oprah Winfrey, Susan Rice, Whoopi Goldberg, Valerie Jarrett and Michelle Obama. But, it occurred to me that he has also surrounded himself with bossy Jewish men, such as Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod and George Soros, and assorted bossy ne’er-do-wells, such as Bill Ayers, Frank Marshall Davis and Jeremiah Wright. Whoever it was who first observed that when you lie down with dogs, you’re very likely to get up with fleas, must have had someone very much like Obama in mind.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard a guy being interviewed on the radio. It seems he had been in a coma. When he finally emerged, he was convinced of reincarnation. Nothing he said really indicated why. But because he had had what is referred to as a near-death experience, his words are supposed to be taken more seriously than anyone else’s. Oddly enough, that rule doesn’t seem to apply to those of us who have sat through entire Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler movies, although I could swear that several times my life flashed before my eyes before arriving at the closing credits.

It’s not merely my usual skepticism that causes me to doubt reincarnation. It’s that the concept makes no sense at all. As I understand it, we are placed on earth to learn from our mistakes. The ultimate goal is, I assume, perfect character. So perhaps in one life, a person was a thief. When he dies, he’s going to return and learn why it is wrong to steal. For me, the problem is that he doesn’t come back as himself. In fact, he comes back with no memory of a past existence, so he is really starting over again. It makes more sense to send the guy to jail in the first place and hope that he sees the error of his ways. At least he knows why he’s there.

Another reason it strikes me as nonsense is because the system suggests that we keep getting nicer and more civilized over the course of centuries. I mean, how can it be otherwise if we keep getting better, even incrementally? But is there anyone who actually believes the human race is showing even the slightest signs of improving? Any sane person, that is.

That automatically excludes the Ivy League faculty members who divided their political donations, 96% for Obama, 4% for Romney; the Democrats who believe their cause is well-served by having Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi fronting for their Party; and everyone on Madison Avenue who seems convinced that Sarah Jessica Parker was born to appear in fashion and perfume ads when normal people know that anyone carting around that face belongs in a stakes race.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, December 28, 2012

WHAT’S MEANT WHEN LIBERALS SAY “COMPROMISE”

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation.

The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

by Burt Prelutsky

Barack Obama and his stooges are forever complaining that Republicans are obstructionists, unwilling to compromise and meet them halfway. What’s so irksome about these nitwits is that when they say compromise, what they really mean is unconditional surrender.

During the campaign, Obama played to the rabble that constitutes his base by promising to stick it to millionaires and billionaires. As soon as he eked through to victory, he made it clear that he regarded those making as little as $250,000 as fat cats. And because his biggest fans make a lot less than that, they were fine with his usual blend of hocus and pocus. But, then, the truth is that his disciples are so unprincipled that so long as they make $49,999.99-a-year, they would be happy to see taxes raised on everyone making more than $50,000. For left-wingers, for whom envy is a way of life, it’s never enough to soak the rich; they want to soak the richer.

Obama claims he cut a trillion dollars in spending by pretending that money that was never going to be spent fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan is not going to be spent fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, and, voila, that constitutes a trillion dollar saving.

Now I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I’m campaigning to replace Timothy Geithner, but, frankly, I’m surprised that Obama doesn’t simply state that he has decided to spend $100 trillion building a railroad to the moon. Then, when he holds a press conference to announce the cancelation of the project, he can claim that he not only wiped out our $16 trillion national debt, but that we now have $84 trillion of found money in our rainy day account.

Speaking of the economy, have you noticed that every time the unemployment rate falls, it’s because so many people have removed themselves from the work force? Ever wonder where they went? With the space program shut down, we know it wasn’t to another planet. They went on welfare. After all, what else would explain the huge upsurge in folks collecting food stamps and disability insurance? What’s more, Obama couldn’t be happier. On the one hand, it makes it appear that more people are working and, on the other, it places an additional burden on taxpayers, hastening the day when the entire nation will go the way of Greece, Spain and California.

When people gripe about politicians, they generally have the swine in Washington in mind. But, often, you can find them in your own backyard. Here in Los Angeles, the County Board of Supervisors decided to keep paying County Assessor John Noguez his $197,000-a-year salary even though he’s in jail for accepting bribes. Some Angelinos are mystified by this seemingly bizarre decision. But it seems fairly obvious to me that his colleagues are merely trying to set a precedent for the day they wind up joining him in the hoosegow.

For those of you who might be considering whether to see Zero Dark Thirty, the movie about the mission to kill Osama bin Laden, be warned that it not only runs -- you should excuse the entirely inappropriate verb -- over two-and-a-half hours; but that the final half hour, which is devoted to the actual event, is shot almost entirely in total darkness. And the few minutes that don’t turn the movie into a very boring radio show are shot through the green lenses of night-vision goggles.

At times, I find myself envying the bliss of liberals. Because they lack principles, they never have to worry about ignoring them in pursuit of winning elections or collecting welfare at the expense of the productive.

Because they’re never called upon to think for themselves, they never have to think twice when parroting left-wing talking points when it comes to guns. It never occurs to them that instead of trying to prevent law-abiding citizens from owning weapons with which to defend themselves and their families, they should, one, be trying to institutionalize the crazies and, two, pass legislation that would automatically add 10 or 15 years to the sentence of any criminal using a gun in the commission of a crime.

Instead, the ACLU fights tooth and nail to prevent ticking time bombs from being taken off the streets for their own safety and the safety of others; and most liberals are far more offended by guns in the hands of their neighbors than by those distributed to Mexican gangsters by Eric Holder and his goons at the Department of Justice.

Finally, it occurs to me that if felons were smart, they’d form a union. Then Democrats would never dare arrest them and put them on trial. Instead, they’d let the National Labor Relations Board arbitrate between them and their victims, with the NLRB ultimately, and predictably, ruling in favor of the union members.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

GUNS, GATS, RODS & HEATERS

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation.

The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

by Burt Prelutsky

By this time, everyone in America has commented on the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, so I suppose I might as well toss in my two cents worth. It was a heart-wrenching event and I personally hope that there is a Hell and that young Mr. Lanza will spend eternity being roasted over a slow fire. But I don’t blame his guns. I don’t blame the NRA. I don’t even blame the movies. I blame him. I also blame society.

Unlike some, I don’t blame society because Americans love their guns and, as a result, there are millions and millions of guns running around loose. I fault society because there are so many evil lunatics like Mr. Lanza being allowed to run around loose.

Every time I hear about a person who requires meds in order to achieve something resembling mental stability, lest he lapse back into schizophrenia or paranoia, I say to myself, that person should be institutionalized because crazy people can’t be depended upon to faithfully take their medications. And anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to let them roam free is crazier than they are. Quite often, these self-righteous oafs are card-carrying members of the ACLU.

I am not suggesting electric shock treatment or lobotomies for people like Mr. Lanza or Jared Loughner, the cuckoo who shot Rep. Giffords. I simply think that they should have been institutionalized long before they finally called public attention to themselves by killing large groups of innocent strangers.

The way things are stacked these days, you have a better chance of getting Barack Obama recalled than you have of committing a ticking time bomb before he detonates.

Speaking of Obama, there’s only one bright spot in the economy that he can take credit for: gun sales. Smith & Wesson, along with every other gun manufacturer, is enjoying -- you should pardon the expression -- booming sales. There are a number of possible reasons for this. To begin with, some people are afraid that Obama, a big fan of the U.N., is about to go along with the group’s desire to confiscate firearms. Some people fear that Obama, who has shown an unhealthy appetite for ruling by presidential fiat, is establishing a banana republic without the bananas. Others just want to be able to confront the IRS on something like equal terms once push comes to shove over ObamaCare.

What I find fascinating about the current war on guns is that the person who has come up with the latest piece of legislation is none other than Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who had led an earlier crusade against gun ownership until it was discovered that she, herself, regularly carried a gat in her purse. If I were a senator, especially one who had vowed to get to the bottom of the security leaks that wound up in the NY Times and then never did a thing about it, I’d probably lug around a shotgun. After all, some people take it personally when America’s national security is jeopardized for no better reason than to make Obama’s foreign policy look good on that rag’s front page.

One hears that the schools should teach gun safety. It’s safe to assume that teachers, 99% of whom are liberals, would merely try to convince the kids that guns are intrinsically evil. Only a pinhead would fail to recognize that guns are the best way to confront those who are doing most of the killing these days, they being jihadists employing car bombs and land mines.

Besides, teachers can’t even teach their young charges to read, write and do math. Instead of trying to make schools weapon-free zones, and inevitably failing, they should have off-duty cops on patrol, ready at a moment’s notice to gun down armed nut-jobs, drug dealers and schoolyard bullies.

Some of the anti-gun advocates have called Hollywood on the carpet for romanticizing violence. I’m all for chastising Hollywood, but we all grew up watching westerns and war movies, and most of us didn’t end up popping our corks. We recognized that we were watching John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Jimmy Stewart, Humphrey Bogart and Gregory Peck. They were the good guys and when somebody had to deal with bad guys, whether they were cattle rustlers, bank robbers or Nazis, hot lead was what they were asking for and hot lead is what they got.

Instead of attacking Hollywood because of phony violence, I would prefer to see people like Jamie Fox being ridiculed for referring to Barack Obama as “our lord and savior,” or Matt Damon and Gus Van Sant for turning out Promised Land, an anti-fracking piece of cinematic propaganda. Because Hollywood already takes itself so seriously, the worst thing you can do is to follow their example and make them feel even more important than they already do.

In closing, I would like to leave you with these three thoughts: One Henry Ford, is alleged to have said, “Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian.”

Two: Susan Ertz said, “Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”

Three: I say that it’s not easy to be a Pollyanna when two of the biggest human disasters are sitting in the Oval Office and running the U.S. Senate, but I feel compelled to say that I for one am extremely grateful that it’s been ages since I’ve seen those two obnoxious caveman in a TV commercial.

Although, if I were given the choice, I’d prefer to see the two cavemen running things in Washington and those other two Neanderthals, Obama and Reid, trying to sell me precious metals or wart removers on the tube.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, December 24, 2012

ODD CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

by Burt Prelutsky


My wife is often after me to write an entire book about celebrities I have met. Some of the people she has in mind I interviewed, either for TV Guide, my column in the L.A. Times or one of my three collections; some I met through my work in TV; some I just happened to run across.

The idea of actually sitting down and writing an entire book about these various encounters puts my teeth on edge. Maybe it’s because a full-blown memoir strikes me as a rehash. I mean, isn’t it enough to live through it all without then having to sit down and write about it?

And, yet, some of the events were somewhat interesting and if I don’t share the experiences, who will? Certainly not Oscar Levant, Groucho Marx or Stan Laurel. They’re all dead, and I’m not getting any younger.

Orson Bean
The first celebrities I ever saw anywhere except on TV or the movie screen were Orson Bean and Jack Palance. That was because I took over the corner of Wilshire and Canon in Beverly Hills nearly 60 years ago when a friend was on vacation with his family and someone had to fill in for him, selling the Sunday edition of the L.A. Times.

I was probably the only newspaper boy in town who would have recognized Orson Bean because his TV appearances at the time were limited to shows like the Blue Angel, where he would deliver offbeat comedy monologues while constructing a Christmas tree out of a newspaper. For all I know, maybe the reason he bought a paper from me was so he could go back to his hotel room and rehearse his act.

Because there was very little foot traffic, I would sit on my pile of papers and read a book. So it was only when I noticed a pair of shoes in front of me that I realized I had a customer. Looking up from a sitting position at that clock-stopping visage of Jack Palance could take several years off a person’s life. Fortunately, he paid for his paper, but I certainly wouldn’t have pressed the issue. I had already seen him gun down little Elisha Cooke, Jr., in Shane for no good reason.

The next two notables I met came about while I was writing for the UCLA Daily Bruin. I went out to MGM to interview Tony Randall, who was shooting Boy’s Night Out. It was a frustrating experience because he told a series of amusing anecdotes, but each one ended with a string of obscenities. Without the payoffs, the anecdotes made no sense. With the payoffs, I couldn’t have gotten the article published.


Equally frustrating was my session with Stan Laurel. Because he had just recently been interviewed by John McCabe for Mr. Laurel & Mr. Hardy, a book that hadn’t yet been published, he felt it was unethical to tell me anything he had already shared with the author. Although I tried to convince him that a few hundred words in a college paper would do nothing to curtail future book sales, he stuck to his guns. To make up for it, he insisted on playing a comedy LP by the fellow he insisted was the funniest man in the world. It turned out to be some English music hall comic I had never heard of who specialized in delivering blue material in a Cockney accent, and who, it turned out, was only the third funniest person in the room.


I first met Groucho Marx at Nate ‘n’ Al’s, a famous deli in Beverly Hills. We hit it off pretty well, although I could have done without all the incessant puns. As the interview was just ending, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted an elderly couple who had just spotted Groucho. Like a hunting dog on point, the woman stopped in her tracks and then scurried over. As soon as she began gushing, I could see Groucho turn a gimlet eye on her. No sooner had she assured him that she was his biggest fan in the entire world, then he began to insult her. He insulted her looks, her intelligence and, if I recall correctly, even her husband, who hadn’t said a word. If Groucho had given her a pile of cash and a diamond necklace, she couldn’t have been happier. She was absolutely giddy as she led her husband away. If an elderly Jewish woman could be said to be floating on air, she was definitely floating.

As they moved off, a disgruntled Groucho turned to me and said, “I’ve discovered that’s the second worst thing about getting old. When you insult people, they think you’re kidding.”

Although I am not given to practical jokes, I was party to one when my friend, William Peter Blatty, struck gold with his novel, The Exorcist. When the book tour brought him back to L.A., the publicist contacted me about my interviewing him. I naturally agreed and we set up a lunch for a few days later.

That evening, Blatty phoned me. He thought it was absurd that we were going to do a standard interview. Instead, he suggested, I should come over to his house and we’d get the formalities out of the way. Then, because I was Jewish and he was of Lebanese heritage, when we got together at the Tail o’ the Cock, we could get into a mock argument and I would stomp angrily out of the place.

Two days later, right on schedule, he said something insulting about Israel, I said something insulting about Lebanon, I slammed my notebook shut, capped my fountain pen, got out of the booth and started for the exit. I had taken no more than four steps when I heard giggling behind me. It was Blatty. He couldn’t contain himself. It was probably just as well because when I went back to the table and took a look at the publicist, he appeared to have aged 20 years and was gasping for air. If I had actually gone out the door, he probably would have plotzed on the spot.

In retrospect, what most surprised me is that it was Blatty and not I who giggled. You see, years earlier, Blatty had worked as a publicist at USC. In order to break the monotony, he and a friend concocted a plot to pass Blatty off as an Arab prince. With his friend acting as his translator, they began hitting all the hot spots in L.A. In short order, word got around that the Prince had killed someone in Saudi Arabia, and his father had sent him to L.A. until things cooled down.

Every time they hit a nightclub on the Sunset Strip, the friend would ask the maître d’ for his birth date. He would then jot the information down in a little notebook. He had half the people in town thinking they were going to get a Rolls Royce on the big day.

As a result, they never paid for food or drink. But because Blatty had dreams of giving up flacking and becoming a writer, he finally blew his cover and wrote up the comic tale for the Saturday Evening Post.

When the story broke, there were a lot of red faces in town. The reddest probably were those belonging to Dick Powell and June Allyson. They had actually invited the Prince to dinner in their home. And being the perfect host and hostess, when he began eating the salad with his hands, they did, too.

One day, shortly after the story ran, Blatty’s phone at USC rang. It was Dick Powell. It seems he wasn’t angry. In fact, he was calling to invite Blatty to a party that weekend. There was only one stipulation. He had to come as the Prince.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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REGARDING FALSE IDOLS

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation.

The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

Some of you may not have seen this article which was published as a bonus last Friday, so we're republishing it today. -ed.

by Burt Prelutsky

When the Bible refers to false idols, it has a plethora of pagan gods in mind. The ones I’m referring to rest on mantels all over Hollywood, while the others reside in the White House.

Since 1928, when the World War I sky drama, Wings, won the first Oscar for Best Picture of the Year, 83 other movies have followed suit. I have seen all but seven of them, which even I find more than a little frightening. In my own defense, I will state that I reviewed movies for about a dozen years, so a lot of the viewing was work-related.

In my opinion, most of those movies were mediocre at best, coma-inducing at worst. But I have always contended that when it comes to judging movies, all that anyone is entitled to is an honest, but subjective, opinion. If you sit through, say, Titanic, and find it exciting, there’s no way on earth that I’m going to convince you that it was duller than watching grass grow.

What I did sense about the movies that the Motion Picture Academy has chosen to honor year after year is that they tend to be very, very long, as if the voting members, for reasons I can’t fathom, insist on confusing length with quality.

With that in mind, I decided to look into it. And sure enough, my instincts were right. Because the decade was nearly over before they started handing out Oscars, there were only two winning movies in the 1920s. Besides Wings, which ran 144 minutes, there was The Broadway Melody, which came in at just 100 minutes. That means, they averaged out to 122 minutes, or just slightly over two hours.

In the 30s, the average soared to 138.3 minutes. In fact, it wouldn’t be until 1955 that a movie shorter than The Broadway Melody would win. That would be Marty, which ran a sprightly hour and a half.

In the 1940s, the average length would dip to 125.8 minutes; in the 1950s, in spite of Marty, the average would shoot back up to 138.2, thanks to the 212-minute slogathon known as Ben-Hur. The 1960s averaged 146 minutes, mainly due to Lawrence of Arabia eating up 216 minutes on the clock, with four musicals, West Side Story, My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music and Oliver! all lasting more than two-and-a-half hours.

In the 1970s and 1980s, running times dipped a bit to 141.2 and 140.7, respectively. But the 1990s set a new record, averaging 154.5 minutes, with Schindler’s List, Titanic, Dances with Wolves and Braveheart, averaging out at a brain-numbing three hours and seven minutes.

With the start of a new century, the average dropped to 137.2 minutes in spite of The Lord of the Rings (201 Minutes), Gladiator (155) and The Departed (151).

In nearly perfect symmetry, there have been only two winners thus far in the present decade, The King’s Speech and The Artist, two fine movies that came in at a reasonable 118 minutes and 100 minutes, respectively. Only time will tell if we have entered an enlightened age, but Hollywood, being what it is, I wouldn’t bet on it.

This brings us to those other false idols, the ones who presently call the White House home.

Even people who have never set foot in Great Britain are aware of the endless complaints about the cost of maintaining the Royal Family. Converted from the English pound, the annual expense of keeping these blokes in crumpets is approximately $57 million.

No matter how anti-royalist an Englishman may be, it would be hard for him to argue that the pageantry that goes with having the la-di-dahs around doesn’t bring in several multiples of that paltry figure in tourist dollars.

Here in the States, on the other hand, maintaining the Obamas is estimated to run roughly $1.4 billion dollars a year, and understand I’m not referring to his loony economic policies.

It’s true that the cost of picking up the tab for any president and his family is mind-blowing when you factor in White House operating expenses; maintaining the grounds; health care that includes a traveling medical staff and equipment; the Secret Service; and the White House Communications Agency. But in the case of the Obamas, you also have to add in their numerous and extremely expensive vacations for family and friends; and, lest we forget, $311 million in unreimbursed campaign expenses, which included scores of cross-country jaunts on Air Force One for fund-raising events and those nifty black buses he used in Ohio, Iowa and Pennsylvania.

A few years ago, Newsweek compared Obama to FDR, even going so far as to picture Obama on its cover sporting a homburg and with a cigarette holder jutting out at a jaunty angle from between his teeth.

Now, after four years of a stagnant economy; an unemployment rate that’s in single digits only because so many people, out of sheer frustration, have removed themselves from the work force; and with the nation perched on the edge of a recession and record inflation; it’s clear that the president he most closely resembles is Herbert Hoover, with just a dash of Jimmy Carter.

In conclusion, I will only say that if I was upset with all those epic-length movies, and I was, especially when I added up the running times of the 77 Oscar winners I had actually sat through, and realized they ate up the equivalent of eight entire days and nights, you can imagine how I feel about sitting through eight years of what might best be called Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, December 21, 2012

DISORGANIZED LABOR

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

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by Burt Prelutsky

A lot of conservatives were delighted when Michigan decided to become a right-to-work state. I was one of them, but I wasn’t quite as ecstatic as some. The problem is that by now everyone who isn’t a union boss or one of the dumber members of a private sector union could see the writing on the wall. The unions have been going the way of the dodo for some time now.

It’s not just that private sector unions have been losing members and influence, but that they’ve gone out of favor with the public. We’ve seen their thug-like behavior in Wisconsin and now in Michigan. We’ve seen teachers carrying placards that insist they’re demonstrating on behalf of the kids who are using phony medical excuses to play hooky so that they can make an embarrassing spectacle of themselves in public. It’s worth noting that only 31 % of Michigan’s eighth graders are proficient in math and a mere 28% are up to snuff when it comes to reading.

Perhaps the next time that public school teachers in Michigan or anywhere else decide to do something for the kids, they might try teaching them something besides how to walk in circles while chanting inane slogans..

It’s no secret that right-to-work states have lower unemployment rates than those that allow unions to have a monopoly when it comes to jobs. In their defense, the unions point out that union employees get paid more than other workers. What they neglect to mention is that people don’t rush to build factories or start businesses in those states for that very reason.

These days, thanks to global markets, manufacturers located in, say, New York aren’t just competing with companies in South Carolina or Oklahoma, but with those in China, India and the Philippines. And when you factor in not only salaries, but pensions and health insurance, it’s a wonder that companies located in union states can compete with anyone.

Most of us have gotten fed up with unions using their clout in order to keep teacher/perverts on salary for years, long after they’ve been accused of molesting their young charges. Just recently, the UAW forced Chrysler to re-hire 13 workers who had been captured on video boozing and smoking pot on their lunch breaks. And let us not forget that when southern non-union volunteers came north to help restore electricity for victims of Hurricane Sandy, the union thugs in New Jersey made them turn around and go home.

One of the reasons that Broadway tickets are so pricey is because for decades, New York unions have forced producers of non-musicals to place high-paid musicians on their payrolls.

So the fact that private sector unions are finally getting their teeth kicked in is welcome news in most quarters. The problem is that it does nothing to rein in the public sector unions. Whereas private sector unions have been losing members for years, the federal government has been hiring, on average, 101 new employees every day since Obama took office. That comes to roughly 145,000 new deadheads. Their average salary is $84,000-a-year, which is $32,000 more than the average salary of those paying the freight.. So even if you forget the pensions looming in the future, that’s in excess of $12 billion a year and doesn’t include all the federal employees who were on the job prior to January 20, 2009.

Is there anyone anywhere who thinks those bureaucrats are worth their weight in tax dollars? Well, of course there are. I refer to the folks over at the DNC who know that 99% of these people will vote for Democrats in every election.

But at some point, you would think that even liberals would, if only for the sake of variety, face reality. Reality is that when Social Security checks first started going out, there were about 30 workers whose payroll taxes went to pay one recipient. Now the number is something like two-and-a-half to one. That is the reason that Social Security has to be altered in some meaningful way before it crashes and burns.

The same reality reveals that there are 66 million Americans collecting Medicaid and food stamps, with another 21 million people on the federal payroll, compared to 129 million suckers employed in the private sector. Just how long does anyone believe 129 million tax payers can go on supporting those 87 million people? The only question is which comes first: bankruptcy or revolution.

That is why all the talk about going over the financial cliff strikes me as sheer balderdash. Obama and the Democrats, with their outrageous spending and their refusal to even pass a budget, took us over the edge a long time ago. Just because we haven’t quite reached the rocks below doesn’t mean we’re not going to go splat in the near future.

We’re exactly in the same position that Wile E. Coyote is in every time he runs off the cliff’s edge and for a second or two seems to have vanquished gravity as he hovers in mid-air. But no matter how quickly he kicks his feet, the ground is his destiny.

But whereas Wile can immediately jump up, dust himself off, and – at least so long as the Acme Company continues sending him crates of dynamite on credit -- begin plotting his revenge on the Road Runner, we poor saps are stuck with our deadly nemesis for another four years.

“Beep-beep!” indeed.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

THE JEWISH GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
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by Burt Prelutsky

I never thought I’d live to see the day that Christmas would become a dirty word. You think it hasn’t? Then why is it that people are being prevented from saying it in polite society for fear that it will offend?

Why, after 60 years, is the city of Santa Monica, California, no longer allowed to erect its traditional crèche in the palisades overlooking the Pacific Ocean and why is the governor of Rhode Island insisting on calling the state’s Christmas tree a holiday tree?

Schools are being forced to replace “Christmas vacation” with “winter break” in their printed schedules. At some major retail chains, the word is verboten, replaced as a matter of policy by the generic Happy Holidays. Carols, even instrumental versions, are verboten in certain locales. All across the country, grammar schools are banning Christmas pageants.

How is it, one well might ask, that in a Christian nation this is happening? And in case you find that designation objectionable, would you deny that India is a Hindu country, that Turkey is Muslim, that Poland is Catholic? That doesn’t mean those nations are theocracies. But when the overwhelming majority of a country’s population believe Jesus to be their savior, only a darn fool would deny the obvious.

Although it seems a long time ago, it really wasn’t, that people who came here from other places made every attempt to fit in. Assimilation wasn’t a threat to anyone; it was what the Statue of Liberty represented. E pluribus unum, one out of many, was our motto. The world’s melting pot was our nickname. It didn’t mean that any group of people had to check their customs, culture or cuisine, at the door. It did mean that they, and especially their children, learned English, and that they learned to live and let live.

That has changed, as you may have noticed. And I lay a great deal of the blame at the feet of my fellow Jews. When it comes to pushing the multicultural, anti-Christian, agenda, you find Jewish judges, Jewish journalists, and the largely Jewish funded ACLU, at the forefront. What makes them even more obnoxious is that, by and large, the Jews who are leading the crusade against what is, we should never forget, a national holiday, are secular. So it’s not even a question of their religion being shortchanged; they hate their own, as well. They’re the pinheads who pretend that “separation of church and state” appears in the Constitution.

I should confess that because my family was Jewish, Christmas was never celebrated while I was growing up. But what was there not to like about the holiday? To begin with, it provided a welcome two week break from school. The decorated trees were pretty, the lights were beautiful, It’s a Wonderful Life was a great movie, and some of the best Christmas songs were even written by Jews.

But the dirty little secret in America is that in spite of the occasional over-publicized rants by the likes of Mel Gibson and Michael Richards, anti-Semitism is no longer a problem in society; it’s been replaced by a rampant anti-Christianity. For example, much of the hatred spewed towards George W. Bush had far less to do with his policies than it did with his religion. As you may have noticed, they haven’t called Barack Obama any bad names even though he’s kept Gitmo open, extended the Patriot Act and even used drones to kill American citizens. Could it be because they understand that he only attended church in order to get his political career off the ground?

These Jewish bigots voiced no concern when Bill Clinton or John Kerry made a big production out of showing up at black Baptist churches or posing with Rev. Jesse Jackson because, again, they understand that’s just politics. They only object to politicians attending church for religious reasons.

My fellow Jews, who often have the survival of Israel heading the list of their concerns when it comes to electing a president, only gave 26% of their vote to Bush and roughly 30% to Mitt Romney, even though they were clearly far friendlier towards Israel than John Kerry or Barack Obama.

What’s more, unlike Clinton, who had Yasser Arafat sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom so often even Monica Lewinsky got jealous, Bush saw to it that the Palestinian butcher was persona non grata at the White House. But if you mention George Bush to most secular Jews, their reaction is to spit first and ask questions later.

It is the ACLU, which is largely funded by Jews and has a legal department that is almost exclusively Jewish, that is leading the attack against Christianity in America. It is they who have conned far too many people into believing that when the 1st Amendment states that Congress is prohibited from establishing a state religion, what it really means is that a Christmas wreath can’t be placed on City Hall. They also cynically ignore the part that prohibits Congress from “abridging the free exercise” of religion.

You may have noticed, though, that the ACLU is highly selective when it comes to religious intolerance. The same group of self-righteous shysters who, at the drop of a “Merry Christmas” will slap you with an injunction, will fight for the right of an American Indian to ingest peyote and a devout Islamic woman to appear veiled on her driver’s license.

I happen to despise bullies and bigots. I hate them when they represent the majority, but no less when, like too many Jews in America, they represent an infinitesimal minority.

I am getting the idea that these self-righteous secular Jews won’t be happy until they pull off their own version of the Spanish Inquisition, forcing Christians to either deny their faith and convert to agnosticism or suffer the consequences.

I should point out that many of these people abhor Judaism every bit as much as they do Christianity. They’re the ones who behave as if atheism were a calling. They’re the nutcakes who go berserk if anyone even says, “In God we trust” or mentions that the Declaration of Independence refers to a Creator with a capital “C.” By this time, I’m only surprised that they haven’t begun a campaign to do away with Sunday as a day of rest. After all, it’s only for religious reasons -- Christian reasons -- that Sunday, and not Tuesday or Wednesday, is so designated.

This is a Christian nation, my friends. And all of us are fortunate it is one, and that so many millions of Americans have seen fit to live up to the highest precepts of their religion. It should never be forgotten that, in the main, it was Christian soldiers who fought and died to defeat Nazi Germany and who liberated the concentration camps.

Speaking as a member of a minority group -- and one of the smaller ones at that -- I say it behooves those of us who don’t accept Jesus Christ as our savior to show some gratitude to those who do, and to start respecting the values and traditions of the overwhelming majority of our fellow citizens, just as we keep insisting that they respect ours.

Merry Christmas, my friends.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, December 17, 2012

BEWARE LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
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by Burt Prelutsky

I have known a great many terrific individuals in the course of my 72 years. Some of them have been teachers, some have even been lawyers. But once you stick people in a group, my advice is to watch your back and hang on to your wallet.

Take the United Nations. Please, as Henny Youngman used to say about Mrs. Youngman. As you probably know by now, the U.N. recently voted to grant the Palestinians non-member state status. In reality, it doesn’t mean much. But in this world, perception, more often than not, trumps reality. It so happens that the United States opposed the measure. But in spite of getting a great deal of money from us taxpayers, the Palestinians ignored our wishes. What’s more, there were only eight nations that supported our position: Canada, Israel, the Czech Republic, Panama, the Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Nauru and Palou. There were 41 nations that abstained, who simply couldn’t bring themselves to choose between what we wanted and what the blankety-blank Palestinians demanded. Among them were many of those we had presumed to be our allies: Australia, Germany, Poland, South Korea and the United Kingdom.

The Palestinians, who are good for nothing but making trouble, garnered 139 votes.

If someone can please explain why we continue to literally house the U.N. and pay at least 25% of its expenses, I’d appreciate a call.

Another large group of ne’er-do-wells are to be found in the liberal arts faculties of colleges and universities. They’re the self-righteous numbskulls who regard themselves as elitists for no other reason than that they managed to survive endless years of boring lectures.

A recent study confirmed what most of us already assumed: those with the most education have the least exposure to those holding conflicting opinions.

It’s no secret that these academic boobs hold themselves in extremely high regard and hold those who don’t see eye-to-eye with them in contempt. But what does an advanced degree actually amount to? What does a PhD in French literature of the 19th century or ancient Chinese ceramics actually prepare you for beyond parroting what you’ve been taught to those who have an equally narrow field of interest and, of course, boring the pants off the other guests at dinner parties?

These are the same louts who are always yakking about diversity on the college campus, by which they merely mean a diversity of pigmentation, the very difference that the rest of us are supposed to ignore. When it comes to real diversity, even when it’s merely opinions voiced by students in their classroom, they are about as open-minded as Cotton Mather and Chris Matthews.

Consider, if you will, the political contributions of Ivy League professors. Between the eight schools, $1,211,267 was donated to Obama, $114,166 to Romney. At Brown, 129 faculty members kicked in to re-elect Obama, only one contributed to Romney. At Columbia, the score was 652 -21. At Harvard, 555-30.

Another group the world could well do without are politicians. The other day, the County Board of Supervisors informed my wife and me that in 2013, we would be charged a fee of $54 for clean water. The notice invited responses. I sent them the following:
Between taxes and fees, as if there’s a difference, you folks are bleeding us dry. And by you folks, I’m referring to the whole over-paid, over-pensioned, gang that includes supervisors, councilmen, mayors, assemblymen, state senators, governors, congressmen and senators.

We once had a revolution over taxation without representation. The next one will be set off by taxation with over-representation.

The Department of Water and Power is already charging us an arm, a leg and a kidney. What’s next, an additional tax for air?

It’s time you guys learned to tighten your belts instead of our nooses. Our weather is good, but it’s not that good.

Is it any wonder that people are leaving California by the tens of thousands? Keep it up and soon the only residents will be those who depend on federal and state handouts to survive; namely, illegal aliens and you politicians.

Sincerely, Burt Prelutsky.

Generally, when people refer to human creativity, they’re talking about inventions and works of art. But I recently discovered that it can manifest itself even when it comes to committing suicide. The chances are that most of us, if asked to make a list of means, would start scratching our heads after gunshot, pills, gas, rope, poison and leaping off bridges and tall buildings. But it seems that people have actually done themselves in by swallowing spiders; drilling into their own noggins; sticking hot pokers down their throats; injecting peanut butter into their veins; crushing their necks in vises; choking on underwear; and hurling themselves into vats of beer.

A few of those things smack of fraternity hazings that simply got out of hand, especially those involving spiders, underwear and beer. But even in my darkest hour, I can’t imagine contemplating swallowing that red hot poker and not deciding to keep on living, even under Obama.

Finally, some guy took exception to my suggestion that with America as polarized as it is between those who favor big government and those who are sane, the only rational solution is secession.

He wrote to say that divorce is no answer. I wrote back to say that divorce, while sometimes tragic, can often be the only civilized way to right an unfortunate wrong.

After all, I concluded, people, especially young people, are far likelier to marry for a really dumb reason than they are to divorce for an equally stupid one.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, December 14, 2012

TIPPING OUR FEZ TO EGYPT

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
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Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

by Burt Prelutsky

In recent months, there were two presidential elections of historical importance. In Egypt, they had their first ever democratic election for president. It was won by Mohammed Morsi over Ahmed Shafiq.

Here in the United States, we had our 55th presidential election, and re-elected a man who had inherited a bad economy and made it worse; insulted our friends and coddled our enemies; and spent most of his time golfing, throwing parties and taking vacations. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he compounds his sins by insulting Republican congressmen for no better reason than that they’re Republicans and refuse to rubberstamp his fiats.

The reason I bring all this up is to point out the irony that in spite of the fact that Morsi defeated his opponent by 3.4%, whereas Obama only had a 2.8% advantage over Romney, and in spite of the fact that Egyptians are novices at this, when Morsi started behaving like a Pharaoh, the voters stormed the streets of Cairo and reminded him he was just another politician.

Here, Obama wins a squeaker, and immediately starts talking about having a mandate to raise taxes and pass another stimulus bill. And not only is he not talking about cutting spending, but wants to increase it by over a trillion dollars. Playing to his base of college freshmen, welfare recipients and New York Times columnists, he even tries to get away with vilifying those earning over $250,000-a-year as the super-rich. Not since the glory days of Joe Stalin has any national leader played the class card as blatantly as Barack Obama.

The way that Obama incessantly goes about dividing Americans along race, gender, religion, income and political lines, it’s as if he’s trying to incite a second Civil War. It merely highlights how naïve people were when they heard the candidate talk in 2008 about a future in which there would not be a blue America or a red America, but a united America, and believed he actually meant it.

Speaking of the earlier Civil War, I can’t help noticing that there seems to be a renewal of interest in Abe Lincoln lately. He is suddenly the subject of movies, books and TV specials. What confounds me is that he is invariably depicted as a saint. While it’s true that he talked a good game, and it always helps burnish a politician’s reputation to be assassinated, I frankly don’t get it.

For openers, he didn’t wage the war in order to end slavery, but to preserve the Union. And we’ve all lived to see how well that worked out. These days, we’re about as united as the two Koreas.

Not only was Lincoln not out to free the slaves, but he disciplined those generals who tried to liberate them in the four states that did not take part in the rebellion. They were Kentucky, Delaware, Maryland and Missouri.

I have no way of proving it, but I have never believed that the Founding Fathers would have approved of a war that pitted Americans against one another, even in order to preserve the Union they created.

In 1861, there were roughly 31,000,000 people in the U.S., four million of whom were slaves. When the War was over, roughly 700,000 Americans were dead. That doesn’t count the enormous number who had been maimed and mutilated. It is estimated that 10% of the North’s population of men between the ages of 18-29, were killed during those four years; 30% of the South’s.

Imagine comparable numbers today. Imagine a war that left seven million dead, all of them Americans. And yet in spite of those horrific facts, we all have to pretend that the man with all that blood on his hands was our greatest president, the conscience of this nation.

I can only imagine that because he looked like a biblical figure, especially once he grew the beard, and delivered decent, albeit self-serving, speeches, and was finally gunned down by John Wilkes Booth, he has become bigger-than-life, someone, who more closely resembles a legendary figure like Robin Hood, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, than a savvy politician, which is what he was, once you get past the Oz-like curtain.

Getting back to 2012’s most memorable contests, one thing worth noting is that in Egypt's election, Morsi took 51.7% of the vote and Shafiq, 48.3%. That adds up to a nice, neat 100%. In our election, Obama got 50.6%, while Romney garnered 47.8%. That only adds up to 98.4%. Even all the cheating by Democrats doesn’t quite explain that odd discrepancy.

For me, as frightening as it is to realize that a slim majority, but a majority nonetheless, of the American electorate would vote for a schmuck like Obama, I can at least make sense of it. After all, between those who voted for him because they share his pigmentation, those whose votes were bought and paid for with our tax dollars and those who thought they were voting for Osama bin Laden, it figures he could eke out a victory. But how do you make sense of the nearly two million people who didn’t vote for either him or Romney?

Can you wrap your mind around the fact that those we might refer to as the bottom 1.6%, actually took the trouble of going out to vote for the likes of Gary Johnson (Libertarian), Stewart Alexander (Socialist), Virgil Goode (Constitutionalist) and Ron Paul (Last Hurrah), knowing full well that by doing so, they were actually helping Obama get a second chance to destroy our nation?

But as pathetic and irresponsible as those voters were, especially with the future of America and the Free World hanging in the balance, they are examples of mature and prudent judgment when compared to the 50,000 twits who voted for Roseanne Barr (Peace and Freedom).

One can only hope that those loons voted by way of absentee ballots, and were not running around loose, the result of somebody’s forgetting to lock the doors at the asylum.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

Liberals: America’s TermitesThis is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Barack Obama: You're Fired! or Liberals: America’s Termites. Please make your preference known when you make your donation. The winner of the November drawing is Joann Martin of Haslet, Texas. A copy of Barack Obama: You’re Fired! is on its way to her.

by Burt Prelutsky

In the old days, I don’t recall a lot of things surprising me. I’m not saying I could predict Kentucky Derby winners, but I don’t remember saying things like “Who would have guessed?” or “Imagine that!” or even “I never saw that coming.” Now that I’m an old guy, hardly a day goes by that I’m not surprised by something. And rarely, I hasten to add, in a good way.

I’m not just referring to Obama’s re-election, either, although that certainly knocked me for a loop. In spite of the pollsters predicting his victory, I refused to accept their conclusions. It seemed to me those guys weren’t reading tea leaves; they were smoking them.

To this day, I’m still asking myself what happened. In fact, if someone had assured me that Obama was going to receive some ten million fewer votes than he had scored in 2008, I not only would have been convinced that Romney was going to win, but that it would be a landslide. But who would have guessed that Romney would receive two million fewer votes than John McCain, who ran a campaign that reminded most people of the one waged by Michael (“Hey look at me, I’m sitting in a tank and looking like a major doofus”) Dukakis?

In the aftermath, a lot of people have suggested things that Romney could have done differently. But that’s typical of those folks known as Monday morning quarterbacks; you know, the guys who put on the team jersey and hoist a few brewskies, but who are never intercepted or sacked because they never leave the Barcalounger.

In my opinion, Romney ran a perfectly fine campaign. The fact that he did worse than McCain, even after Obama spent four years destroying the economy, gutting the military, antagonizing our allies and emboldening our enemies, has convinced me that the two main reasons he lost were because a large number of Republicans are religious bigots who couldn’t get past his Mormonism in spite of his getting endorsements from Mike Huckabee and Billy Graham, and because more Republicans than we’d like to believe are among the 15 million additional recipients of Obama’s food stamps.

Something else that surprises me is that at this late date, abortions continue to be an issue. The other day I found myself wondering how we can possibly expect our young people to actually learn math, science, English and civics, when after all the sex education classes that seemingly begin in kindergarten, they’re still knocking each other up.

I mean, with all the birth control pills and devices readily available for the sole purpose of preventing pregnancy, how is it that Planned Parenthood, all by its lonesome, performs over 300,000 abortions a year? And even that is only the tip of the bloody iceberg. Since 1973, it’s estimated that at least 50 million have been performed in this country. For the mathematically-challenged, that works out to roughly 1.3 million a year. Speaking of which, it’s no surprise that American kids score so badly on standardized math tests when they can’t add, subtract or do long division. It seems the only thing they can do is multiply, but they’d rather not.

One of the results of the presidential election that didn’t surprise me is that young voters, whether white, black, Hispanic or Asian, went overwhelmingly for Obama. And why wouldn’t they? For one thing, they think he’s cool. That means he panders to them, gives them free stuff and gives every sign that he dislikes working every bit as much as they do. Instead of sticking to the boring business of governing, he plays a lot of golf, likes to party and goofs around with celebrities every chance he gets.

The only thing about America’s youth that surprises me is that their thumbs still appear to be normal-sized. When you see how much texting they do, you’d think their thumbs by now would be the size of their biceps. As it is, this perpetual activity shows itself in other ways. One, they are unable to decipher any message that runs to more than 160 characters; two, they believe that “4” is how you spell “for.”

I’m not yet ready to make any New Year’s resolutions, however I am willing to predict that in 2013, Fox will expand Bill O’Reilly’s show to two hours. That’s in order to allow Bill sufficient time to sell his books; promote his appearances with Dennis Miller; peddle Factor gear; read letters from people wanting to ensure that their letters get read on TV by raving about “Killing Lincoln” and “Killing Kennedy;” and still leave a few minutes for shmendriks like Juan Williams, Geraldo Rivera and Alan Colmes, to remind us how dumb liberals can be when they really put their minds to it.
©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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