Friday, March 29, 2013

WHY AMERICA IS ON LIFE SUPPORT

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.
by Burt Prelutsky

Anyone who watched Mitt and Ann Romney being interviewed on Chris Wallace’s Sunday morning show and didn’t regret that they aren’t ensconced in the White House, instead of the Obamas, has a very weak grasp on reality. When even Bill O’Reilly, who was busy telling his viewers just a few short months ago that Barack Obama was a nice guy and didn’t have a socialist bone in his body, has finally seen the light, I say that any Republican who sat home last November because he didn’t think Romney was conservative enough or because he couldn’t bring himself to vote for a Mormon, should take himself out behind the woodshed and give himself a good tanning.

When the presidential debates were taking place and I warned Romney to keep his eyes open for incoming drones, I thought I was kidding. Recent developments involving Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Attorney General Eric Holder, suggest otherwise. Those of us who have been paying close attention know how much Obama hates being thwarted, so perhaps Romney was lucky he lost the election, after all.

Recently, I wondered why Democratic senators even bothered showing up for work when they allow Harry Reid to make every single decision for them. Why don’t they just sign over their proxies to him so they can stay home with the wife and kids? I had the same thought recently when I learned that the speaker of the Colorado legislature, a creep named Mark Ferrandino, refuses to allow his colleagues to vote on Jessica’s Law, which ensures long prison sentences for people convicted of raping a child. In spite of Ferrandino’s insistence that Colorado already has tough sentencing guidelines for such crimes, Fox News managed to come up with a number of cases in which child rapists have gotten off with one and two year sentences.

Instead of protecting Colorado’s children, Ferrandino spends his time campaigning for same-sex marriages and the legalization of marijuana.

For my own part, I think Jessica’s Law is too lenient. If there’s a crime that screams for capital punishment, I’d say this is it. No insufferable defense attorney can ever argue that his client destroyed a child and a child’s family because he was driven to it by poverty or acted in self-defense. It is an act of absolute evil, and any society that believes it is showing itself to be civilized by doling out anything less than a life sentence is sadly, even tragically, mistaken.

Speaking of which, have you ever noticed that liberals, who believe that abortions should be performed for any reason under the sun on anybody of any age, are forever insisting that whether it’s raising taxes to pay for foolishness like Operation Head Start or increasing outlandish salaries and pensions for teachers, it’s being done for the children? Children, these hypocrites incessantly parrot, remain our most precious resource. It would make as much sense for these arrogant bastards to argue that trees and flowers are proof of God’s existence, but the seeds from which they sprout are worthless trash.

Another group of people who mean everything to liberals are The Poor. Because one of the surest ways to remain poor and voting the straight Democratic ticket in America is to remain uneducated, it figures that Democrats devote most of their waking hours to ensuring that poor people remain that way. That’s why left-wingers are always prepared to ballyhoo all those lousy public schools with their inept teachers and administrators, who devote more time to demonstrating the proper use of condoms and suspending little kids for pointing their fingers at someone than they do to teaching reading, writing and math. Liberals have no reason to motivate people to achieve and succeed, which might very well result in their becoming Republicans. They would much rather encourage failure by coming up with new goodies to hand out to those individuals residing under that mysterious demarcation known as the poverty line.

What makes that line so illusionary is that most of the people allegedly lurking beneath it somehow manage to own color TVs, air conditioners, cell phones, automobiles, refrigerators, hand guns and fully-stocked liquor cabinets.

The fact is “poor” is merely a relative term. Some of us are richer than others and some of us are not, just as some of us are taller or shorter than others. Poor Americans would be middle class or even well-to-do in many, if not most, parts of the world. To believe that through the redistribution of wealth, one can do away with poor people is such an idiotic notion that you would have to be a Marxist zombie to believe it.

You might as well say that you’re going to do away with dumb people through the redistribution of brains or eliminate short people through the redistribution of height.

Those, at least, could very well be noble enterprises. But only a fool would confuse being poor with being deserving. In this marvelous country, with all the advantages it offers to everyone, regardless of race, gender or national origin, poverty is far more often a sign of sloth and/or dumb choices involving sex, booze and drugs, than of any of the societal sins a liberal would blame it on.

I realize that the Bible claims that the Meek, which could be taken to mean poor people, shall inherit the earth. But it doesn’t state how much earth. I have always taken it to mean a plot measuring roughly six feet by three feet.

Unlike Obama, I don’t believe it means poor folks are entitled to everything their neighbors have. Otherwise, as I see it, coveting would be the equivalent of jay-walking, and we’d only have nine Commandments.
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


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WACKO BIRDS & OTHER DODOS

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time. Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323) 203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.
by Burt Prelutsky

I readily admit I wasn’t as taken with Rand Paul’s filibuster as some other people were. For one thing, I thought if he was going to engage in a 13-hour talkfest, it should have been when Chuck Hagel was on the hot seat. After all, John Brennan is a far better choice to head up the CIA than Hagel is to be Secretary of Defense or, for that matter, a men’s room attendant in the Senate office building.

For another thing, it would have been far more important to use Hagel’s confirmation as a way to get to the bottom of the Benghazi massacre and Obama’s subsequent cover-up than it was to get Eric Holder to promise he wouldn’t use drones to kill American-born terrorists in the U.S.

Having now made my own position clear, I want it noted that I think it is time that John McCain and Lindsey Graham quit bad-mouthing the likes of Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Justin Amash, for not taking their marching orders from Republican dinosaurs such as themselves.

McCain, in particular, has a lot of gall calling them names and stating, “It’s always the wacko birds on the right and left that get the media megaphone.” Well, he ought to know. Ever since the NY Times, during the 2008 Republican primaries, referred to him as a statesman, McCain has rarely been more than a few inches away from a megaphone. What McCain and a few others can’t seem to grasp is that when the Times refers to a Republican as a statesman, it either means the guy just dropped dead or that he is the GOP primary candidate most likely to lose in the general election to a Democrat.

Recently, Mitt Romney told Chris Wallace that he realizes that as the fellow who lost the election to Obama, he can’t very well expect to be a spokesman for the GOP. Well, Romney came a lot closer to defeating Obama than McCain did, but we haven’t yet seen McCain grasp the fact that the parade has passed him by.

Inasmuch as McCain’s major accomplishments were getting his name entwined with those of Russ Feingold and Ted Kennedy on lousy pieces of legislation, and opposing the very enhanced interrogations that led to the execution of Osama bin Laden, one has to wonder why Arizona’s Republicans didn’t long ago retire his sorry butt to Phoenix, where he could raise chickens and bore the old timers at the local diner, telling them what a swell guy Ted Kennedy was.

Although I still like Marco Rubio, I’m a little concerned that he will merely pick up where McCain left off when it comes to comprehensive immigration reform. The Republicans went into such total shock after Obama took 71% of the Hispanic vote against Romney that they run a very good risk of shooting themselves in the foot, in the leg and in the head, in their attempt to make an inroad with that particular ethnic group.

But before they toss all of their principles out with the bath water, they should keep in mind the way that Reagan was sucker-punched by the Democrats. On the mere promise that the liberals would secure the southern border, Mr. “Trust-But-Verify” signed the 1986 amnesty bill. In appreciation, Latinos gave his successor, George H.W. Bush, a measly 30% of their votes in 1988. And in the six presidential races since then, they have given the Republican candidate an average of just 29%.

But, as you may have noticed, blacks don’t exactly flaunt their appreciation of Abe Lincoln’s political party, either.

My suggested response to Senator Rubio and all the other well-intentioned Republicans who start beating the drum, demanding a pathway to citizenship for illegal aliens, is to take a page out of the football fan playbook, and start chanting: “De-fence! De-fence! De-fence!”
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.



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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

APOCALYPSE NOW?

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.
by Burt Prelutsky

I know that Obama said that his primary concerns for his second term were major immigration reform and gun control. It’s probably just a coincidence, but despots often feel compelled to deal with those two issues. They usually deal with guns by confiscating them, while their immigration policy generally involves box cars headed off to Siberia or Auschwitz.

But, now, thanks to sequestration, he has to put those plans on the backburner so he can terrify Americans into believing that a tiny reduction in rising expenditures will lengthen the lines at airports, reduce the ranks of air traffic controllers, and turn teachers, cops and firemen, into sidewalk apple vendors.

I used to think I was a fairly cynical character, but that was before Obama came on the scene. Compared to this Chicago thug, with his obvious contempt for everyone who isn’t Obama and his conviction that he can feed swill to the American people and convince them it’s sirloin, I’m a mere babe in the woods.

Still, when even the NY Times took him to task and the Washington Post started bestowing Pinocchios on him and his puppets, Obama had to realize that he had badly misplayed his attempt to make political hay out of this particular crisis.
What it led many of us to realize is that if only we had a free (from left-wing bias) press in America, it would matter far less than it does whose rump was planted in the Oval Office.

Speaking of rumps, I used to wonder why Clark Kent never got canned by the Daily Planet. After all, he was never around to cover any of Superman’s headline-grabbing exploits. The same question comes to mind when I see the members of the White House Press Corps sitting politely, scribbling down Jay Carney’s lies, like a bunch of overpaid stenographers.

I mean, the nation is over $16 trillion in debt, Obama says we don’t have a spending problem, and those oafs who brag about speaking truth to power, don’t even give him a horse laugh? You could dismiss them as pimps, but at least pimps don’t pretend to be something they aren’t or to be peddling something they’re not.

For that matter, when the other 54 Senate Democrats demur to Harry Reid’s wishes as to how to vote and even which pieces of legislation he will permit them to vote on, I can’t help wondering why they don’t all have those unnaturally high voices one generally associates with harem guards.

When Obama boasted that he was a skeet shooter, it’s possible that he wasn’t actually lying. After spending the last five years watching the men and women of the media echoing his every word, he may simply have confused shooting skeet with shooting fish in a barrel or blasting holes in sitting ducks.

As for those on the other side of the aisle, I know it’s fashionable, even in some conservative circles, to claim that Republicans don’t have a message, but with a corrupt media ignoring their message or lying about it, it’s no wonder that even some Republicans are hopelessly befuddled. Let’s face it, if it weren’t for Fox News, “Benghazi” would be nothing more than an eight-letter answer in a crossword puzzle.

Finally, little seven-year-old Josh Welch was eating a Pop-Tart in his Baltimore grammar school when his teacher, who no doubt believes she is underpaid, decided he was shaping it into a gun. This led to his being suspended for two days. Josh explained “I just kept biting it and tore off the top, trying to shape it into a mountain.”

The school sent out a letter to all the parents, explaining why they thought it was a threat, stating, “A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture.”

When I read that, I made what I regarded as an appropriate gesture in the general direction of Baltimore. At the very least, the school authorities should learn the difference between a gun, a mountain and a gesture, however inappropriate.
I’m just wondering if it escaped everyone’s attention, as it had mine until eagle-eyed Arizonan Don Melquist pointed out to me that every single kid who has been suspended over the past several months has looked like one of those freckle-faced tykes who was always popping up in Norman Rockwell paintings.

How is it that it’s never a black or Hispanic tot? Is it that they are carrying actual guns and it’s a lot safer for craven school administrators to discipline kids packing Pop-Tarts? Or is it that political correctness, as usual, trumps every other consideration, including commonsense and sanity?

All in all, I figure little Josh was just lucky he and his folks don’t live in New York City. For simply daring to bring a loaded Pop-Tart to school, Nanny Bloomberg would have had him doing hard time in Sing Sing.


©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


BurtPrelutsky.com

Monday, March 25, 2013

THE END OF UTOPIA

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.

by Burt Prelutsky

One of many things I don’t understand about those on the Left is how naïve they are. Even if you get past their childlike belief that human nature doesn’t exist and that if you simply pass enough big government legislation, you can do away with greed, sloth, envy and evil, you still run into their conviction that nothing must ever be allowed to change the climate or the rate of federal spending.

I mean, even if we overlook the idiocy of believing that man controls the elements, and that if we just stop driving around or using air conditioning we can stop that hussy, Mother Nature, in her tracks, what’s so great about our weather? I happen to live in Los Angeles, where the climate is usually the only thing we have to boast about, but even I can see ways to improve it. For one thing, it’s far too hot in the summer and, judging by this year, winter has been much too cold. But what if you live in Louisiana, New Jersey or North Dakota? I bet a lot of those people would be grateful for a little change. I bet there are even a few in Minnesota who wish there was something to do in December besides ice skate, bowl and skid into snow banks. And, furthermore, I’m willing to wager that a large number of Brits long for the good old days when it was possible to grow grapes in England.

As for federal spending, how is it that, according to Obama, it must continue increasing, even beyond the Treasury’s ability to print Monopoly money? How is it that when everyone knows that the feds waste hundreds of billions of dollars every year, the mere thought of cutting spending by a mere two cents on the dollar is enough to cause apoplexy among left-wingers?

Even Republican congressmen who oppose the cuts mandated by Sequester and have suggested that the cuts should be done with a scalpel, not a meat cleaver, are starting to annoy me. With a federal debt approaching $17 trillion and an annual deficit of a trillion more, I’m all for using a cleaver or, better yet, an axe. Although I’m instinctively reluctant to cut defense spending, this is the same Pentagon, let us keep in mind, that has a history of blowing tens of millions of dollars on overpriced toilets, screwdrivers and jet planes. Besides, since 1945, when we adopted a no-win policy when it comes to waging war, if the Pentagon had to cut back their expenditures perhaps we wouldn’t feel the unnatural urge to run off every couple of years to defend one bunch of blood-thirsty Muslims against another bunch of blood-thirsty Muslims.

When it comes to blowing tax dollars on foolishness, we merely have to realize that since 2009, Obama has squandered six billion of those dollars subsidizing solar companies. The fact that in spite of those massive windfalls, one company after another has gone belly-up doesn’t really matter to this administration. No sooner does one company bite the dust than Obama turns around and sends a few hundred million dollars in seed money to another of his campaign contributors. I suppose we should all be grateful that none of his benefactors has decided to open a motion picture studio devoted to producing silent movies. After all, I’m sure they’d be every bit as popular as solar panels and electric cars.

Proof that you don’t have to be in the federal government to be a complete blockhead – although it certainly helps! – is provided by Oakland, California’s mayor, Jean Quan, who recently hosted a workshop weekend in her city. Oakland’s citizenry were offered free classes in, among other things, cheese making, producing origami photo albums and lock-picking. Last year, it should be noted, burglaries in Oakland jumped 40%. Inasmuch as the lock-picking class was even more popular than the one that taught people how to produce their own cheese, one has to assume that this year’s jump will dwarf last year’s. Let it be said that when it comes to crime, Oakland has never been a city to rest on its laurels.

A while back, in connection with the Sequester, Barack Obama felt it necessary to announce “I’m not a dictator.” It reminded me of the day Richard Nixon told us he wasn’t a crook. I know that Obama was only looking to reassure us, but when a chief executive feels compelled to tell us something we should never have reason to question, the chances are pretty good that whatever he says he isn’t, he is. Or would certainly love to be.

Speaking of our own despot-in-chief, I nearly fell off my chair when I heard him say the day after the Sequester kicked in, “It’s not going to be an apocalypse, as some have said.”

I have a variety of reactions to everything coming out of this jerk’s mouth, ranging from mimicking Justice Sam Alito’s “You lie!” to Rep. Joe Wilson’s “You lie!,” but only rarely is it “Huh?!” But I must confess to being dumbfounded. Was it possible that he’s been so busy reliving his round of golf with Tiger Woods that he hadn’t noticed that by “some people,” he was unaware that he was referring to Secretary of Transportation Ray Lahood, Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Jay Carney and, most notably, himself, President Chicken Little?

In case it slipped what passes for his mind, I am only too happy to remind President Little that he devoted several weeks to trying to terrify us, warning America that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were not only going to bring locusts, famine and the plague to America, but were even going to let their steeds crap on the White House lawn.
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


BurtPrelutsky.com

Friday, March 22, 2013

PRESIDENT BARACK ISUZU

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.

by Burt Prelutsky

Back in the 1980s, a fictional pitchman named Joe Isuzu made a series of TV commercials promoting Isuzu cars and trucks. A fast-talking, smarmy-looking guy, would make outrageous claims along the lines of “It has more seats than the Astrodome” and “It goes faster than a speeding bullet,” and everyone knew it was a takeoff on every overly zealous, ethically-challenged, salesman who had ever tried to sell you a lemon.

Today, it seems to me that we have his cousin living in the White House. I mean, is there anything our commander-in-chief says or does that doesn’t remind you of the cheapest sort of huckster? Instead of being the leader of the greatest nation on earth, this guy was born to work a carnival midway. He would clearly be right at home trying to con you into trying to knock iron ten-pins off a pedestal or blow several dollars trying to win a ten cent Kewpie doll by shooting at mechanical ducks.

You only have to look at the scare tactics Obama has employed in his attempt to use sequestration as an excuse to once again hike taxes to understand what a truly mendacious creep he is. Still, even I, who am always seeking the silver lining, have to acknowledge that Obama has surrounded himself with so many ignoramuses that rarely a day goes by that his stooges don’t provide me with a few good laughs. For instance, while standing in front of the other female members of the Congressional Black Caucus, a group that could have as its theme song “It Pays to Be Ignorant,” Maxine Waters warned that “the Sequester could cost the nation 170 million jobs.” That’s roughly 50 million more people than presently have jobs.

It reminds me that in 2009, Obama, allegedly the smartest person in the universe not named Hillary Clinton, promised that the Affordable Care Act would save employers 400% on their insurance costs. Most people, that is most conservative people, understand that you can’t save more than 100% in the cost of anything even if you give it away for free.

From the first time Obama announced that his would be the most transparent administration in history to the last time he told us the world would come to an end if he had to cut two percent out of the most bloated budget we’ve ever seen, he has lied about everything from skeet shooting to the importance of pre-school.

Speaking of schools, a recent poll disclosed that 52% of Chicago’s high school students have engaged in sexual intercourse. So it’s no wonder that those students are setting records when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases and illegitimate births. Speaking as an old geezer, it strikes me that something is definitely lacking in those sex education classes that liberals have spent the past few decades promoting. Inasmuch as the kids are also failing to master English, math and science, I have begun to believe that they come out of these classes wondering what the heck all those bananas have to do with them.

Lest anyone think that all the idiots are in Illinois, in Massachusetts they’re promoting the idea that kids as young as five or six should get to determine their gender of choice, and use whatever bathroom they deem appropriate. What’s more, parents would not be informed.

It makes you marvel at how adaptable these morons are. It was less than 20 years ago that liberals were rallying around Hillary Clinton’s contention that it took a village to raise a child. As nutty as that was, at least it acknowledged that parents were members of the village. Now, whether it’s gender identification or abortion, liberals are promoting the idea that when it comes to children, parents aren’t even entitled to basic information.

One can only assume that the next step is leaving parents out of the loop when their teenage offspring start having children of their own.

As a conservative, I realize only too well how easy it is to sink into terminal depression. After all, if in spite of the longest-lasting economic morass since the 1930s, and in spite of a trillion dollar Stimulus and the abominable ObamaCare, Obama could be re-elected, anything is possible. Still, it is worth noting that in all the years since 1952, the two parties have taken turns swapping the presidency every four or eight years. The only exception was 1980-1992, when Reagan and Bush broke the cycle. That doesn’t guarantee that the Republicans will take back the Oval Office in 2016, but as a conservative, you have to grasp at straws, no matter how flimsy they might be.

While I much prefer insulting Democrats, there are times when there’s no getting around the fact that Republicans, even those of us with very little hair on our heads, can’t help tearing out what few strands we have left. I refer to the vote that confirmed the vile Chuck Hagel to be Secretary of Defense. Inasmuch as the Democrats denied George H.W. Bush the right in 1989 to appoint John Tower to be his Secretary of Defense, how is it that Republicans Thad Cochran, Richard Shelby, Mike Johanns and Rand Paul, all decided that Obama had the inalienable right to put the nation’s security in the hands of an imbecile who has stated that the Jewish lobby controls the U.S. Senate and that Iran is a sovereign nation with duly-elected leaders?

Just for the record, Rand Paul is no longer on my short list of potential 2016 presidential candidates. He now shares 278th place with Chris Christie.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


BurtPrelutsky.com

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

STUPIDITY AS A BIRTHRIGHT

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.

by Burt Prelutsky

In case you missed it, on his first mission as Secretary of State, John Kerry boasted to a group of Germans “In America, you have a right to be stupid.” A right?! For years now, the Democrats have relied on it to win elections. As for horse-faced John Kerry, were it not for the terminally stupid, he would have spent the last 30 years not in the Senate, but in a stable.

Speaking of stupid, I believe that Barack Obama has badly miscalculated the aftereffects of the Sequester. Perhaps it’s because he, himself, is always campaigning that he has confused 2013 with an election year. If the results of his notion of across the board cuts in various federal agencies are half as terrible as he’s been warning, it’s he who will be blamed. And not just because Bob Woodward said that it was all his idea, but because his waging war on Congress is a truly dumb strategy.

For one thing, although Congress is nearly always unpopular, most people don’t mind their own representatives. That’s why incumbents are generally re-elected. For another thing, most Americans will forgive just about anything; the exceptions to that rule are those crybabies who go through life blaming their own failures on others. In Obama’s case, he has done nothing but bash Bush and Republicans ever since he was first elected. I suspect even Michelle is getting a little tired of it.

Ironically, the one thing he can take credit for is ObamaCare, and that is just about the most universally despised piece of legislation since the invention of income tax.

By whining about Congress when the next elections are more than a year-and-a-half off, Obama makes himself the handiest target for those looking to curse out someone for long lines at the airport or any of those other Doomsday events he has predicted. But as Secretary of State Kerry said, Obama has every right to be stupid. It would just make for a nice change if he didn’t take advantage of that right quite so often.

The U.S. doesn’t have a monopoly on stupidity. On the other side of the world, South Africa’s favorite amputee, Oscar Pistorius, would have us believe that in spite of a history of domestic violence, he shot and killed his girlfriend, Reeve Steenkamp, because he mistook her for an intruder. Somehow I doubt if the leggy blonde model had actually snuck into his home, Pistorius’s normal reaction would have been to shoot her. I understand that even in South Africa, a person is presumed innocent until proven guilty, but I’m just saying that if I were the judge, he’d have to do better than that.

But, then, I’m not a liberal. I swear those folks will believe anything. For instance, when “global-warming” became “climate-change,” they never missed a step. Ginger Rogers didn’t follow Fred Astaire the way these loons follow Obama’s lead. Even when all the bad things went from being Bush’s fault to being the fault of obstructionists in Congress, you never heard any of them complain, “Hey, what about Bush? Why are we letting him off the hook?”

In the meantime, drone attacks, Gitmo and the Patriot Act, which were all regarded as fascistic just a few short years ago, were all accepted as damn good ideas once they were being promoted by a Democrat. For that matter, look how easily they went from declaring homosexuality a mental disease to being a civil right, and the notion of same-sex marriages went from being a bad joke to being a fairy tale with Barack Obama in the role of the Fairy Godmother.

This brings us to the Academy Awards. First, let me confess that I was completely blindsided. I was so certain that Lincoln, a movie I didn’t like, was going to sweep the Oscars for Best Movie, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Actor, I would have bet a lot of money on it if I had stumbled across a sucker. As it was, only Daniel Day-Lewis got to go home a winner, while Argo and The Life of Pi, two other movies I didn’t care for, split up the other three major awards. The biggest surprise was that Argo, whose director, Ben Affleck, wasn’t even nominated, was judged the best of the year. Even in the early days of the Oscars, when they only nominated three directors, it was highly unusual that the fellow at the helm of the winner was so rudely snubbed. However deserving the snubbing may have been, Affleck was also one of the producers, so he still got to run on stage and make a spectacle of himself.

I must confess that when the evening’s host Seth MacFarlane first came on stage, I thought I had somehow tuned in on a TV game show or the local weather guy, so neat was his hair, so dazzling his smile, so unknown his name. All in all, I thought MacFarlane was okay. Not as good as Steve Martin, but much better than Whoopi Goldberg and David Letterman. And at least we were spared those dreadful Debbie Allen production numbers with the silly laser beams and the dancers dressed up like characters from the various films.

As it turned out, they saved the worst for last. For some unfathomable reason, they decided to devote time to a musical number titled Boobs, in which Mr. MacFarlane sang about all the movie actresses in recent years who have managed to convince themselves that it is not gratuitous sex, but, rather, essential to the artistic integrity of some dopey movie that they bare their breasts. They somehow ignore the fact that the likes of Ingrid Bergman, Jean Arthur, Bette Davis, Mary Astor, Loretta Young, Irene Dunne, Barbara Stanwyck, Katherine Hepburn, Rita Hayworth, Carole Lombard, Judy Garland and Meryl Streep, all managed to somehow carve out reasonably successful careers while keeping their blouses on.

At least once they got the part.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


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Monday, March 18, 2013

HIGHER (COST) EDUCATION

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.

by Burt Prelutsky

Mark Twain observed that everyone complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. He was of course making a typically wry comment, but leave it to liberals to take it to heart. First to jump on the let’s-try-to-monkey-with-the weather bandwagon was Al Gore, who has since made millions off the hoax known as “global warming,” but which sometimes goes by the alias of “climate change.” More recently, we had the Con Man-in-Chief mention it in his State of the Union address, promising to domesticate Mother Nature with the same ease with which he has cowed the media.

The real problem isn’t that corrupt politicians lie to their own advantage, which is a given, but that most liberal voters are so gullible that fooling them is the equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel.

Next, let us consider the rising cost of what is jokingly referred to as higher education. Obama is constantly fretting about the burden of college loans and the ensuing debt that graduates must bear. But, oddly enough, the debt he feels free to ignore is the $16.5 trillion currently crushing America’s economy.

However, the bottom line is that there is no good reason why anyone should ever have to take out a student loan. If the federal government would simply remove itself from the business of education, and if the self-serving system didn’t insist on people wasting four years taking unnecessary classes; overpaying administrators, coaches and professors; and squandering a fortune on fancy landscaping, college would cost about the same as high school.

In the midst of all the hyperbole surrounding guns, it is worth noting that in 1999, Illinois State Senator Barack Obama voted “present” on a piece of legislation that would require adult prosecution for anyone 15 years of age or older who discharged a gun in or near a school. The bill, which was proposed in response to the murders at Columbine High School, was enacted by a vote of 52-1. Even the Chicago Tribune pilloried Obama and four of his colleagues who joined him in voting “present,” calling them “gutless sheep.”

Considering how gung-ho Obama is these days to have the Second Amendment declared null and void, one can only assume that, as with same-sex marriages and women in frontline combat, his position has, as Jay Carney likes to say, evolved. Isn’t it a shame that his positions never evolve in the right direction?

Speaking of corrupt Democrats, the ex-mayor of San Diego, Maureen O’Connor, has recently been indicted for stealing over two million bucks from her late husband’s charitable foundation. That’s on top of the $50 million or so that she inherited when Robert Peterson, founder of the Jack-in-the-Box fast food chain, passed away. Apparently her game of choice was video poker, so she can’t even blame card cheaters nicknamed “Doc,” “Slick” and “Fingers.” Instead, she pissed it all away to a machine. How embarrassing is that!

On the other hand, I can fully sympathize with Jesse Jackson Jr. and his wife, Mrs. Jr. After all, why would the ex-congressman and the missus ever imagine the feds would get so doggone persnickety over the misuse of a measly $750,000 in campaign funds when his dad raised corporate extortion to the level of an art form and was never even indicted for jay-walking?

Speaking of embarrassing offspring, when I see the spoiled likes of Robert Kennedy Jr. being arrested outside the White House, I get one of those huge headaches one generally only comes across in Excedrin commercials. I mean here’s a wealthy doofus who has made a career out of condemning the oil industry for polluting the world while flying all over the world on private jets and riding around in gas-guzzling limos.

Naturally, his amen chorus of environmental zealots hold him in high esteem, and never once question his sincerity. The fact that he allows himself to be arrested, along with high-profile bimbo Daryl Hannah, while demonstrating on Pennsylvania Avenue is enough to establish his bona fides among the pinheads on the Left, even if he bails himself out 10 minutes later so he can fly off to Timbuktu and deliver a bromide-laden monologue on the evils of fossil fuels.

Remember the good old days when rich men’s sons spent all their time gambling, boozing and frolicking with chorus cuties, and poor people could at least use them as object lessons when lecturing their own offspring on the perils of a debauched life style that would inevitably lead to a life-shattering comeuppance?

Back then, the worst thing you could say about these ne’er-do-wells was that they were wastrels and incorrigible rascals, but never, it should be acknowledged, that they were a passel of self-righteous bores and hypocrites.
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


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Friday, March 15, 2013

BLOOM(BERG)ING IDIOTS

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m. That's L.A. time.  Click here to listen live or on demand 24/7 from Channel 1 LaTalkRadio.com. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.

Burt hopes you'll enjoy this article and when you've finished it, he also hopes you'll enjoy "Scratch a Liberal, Find a Racist." If you're reading this article on his web site or as a subscription copy, it follows.

by Burt Prelutsky

A New York Supreme Court judge, Milton Tingling, as you may have heard, has overruled Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s ban of large drinks, calling it “arbitrary and capricious,” which is legal-speak for dopey and asinine. For his part, Bloomberg announced he will appeal the ruling, which is Bloomberg-speak for “How dare he! Doesn’t he know who I am?!”

In case anyone is curious, the most obvious reason that the only dwarf to run a major city is so up in arms over sugar, salt, soda sizes and Styrofoam, is because it serves to distract voters from the recent study that showed that 80% of New York City’s high school graduates can’t read. After all, if you were a left-wing mayor, wouldn’t you rather take on soda containers and packing material instead of the teacher’s union that made you what you are today? And, no, I am not referring to the Laughing Stock of America.

The problem is that Bloomberg is not the exception to the rule. On the contrary, he is a perfect example of a liberal politician. For instance, when academics on the Left speak so glowingly about diversity, they are merely referring to pigmentation, never to a diversity of ideas, values and opinions. So it is that when Bloomberg goes to war over obesity, the only fat that concerns him is that which accumulates in bellies and on hips, never the stuff that liberals collect between their ears.

That’s not to say that we on the Right don’t have our own collection of fatheads. Just a few months ago, we lost a couple of Senate seats because our candidates decided that if Bill Clinton could get away with parsing the meaning of “is” and “sex,” they could do it with “rape.” And, unfortunately, they were both Tea Party candidates. To me, it suggests that in the future, along with checking out how potential candidates feel about same-sex marriages, taxes and abortions, someone should also spend a few minutes making sure they’re not morons.

When Rand Paul waged his filibuster in order to get Attorney General Holder to admit that Obama didn’t have the legal authority to use drones to kill Americans on American soil, I thought it would have been better if he had employed a filibuster against Chuck Hagel in order to get to the bottom of the Benghazi scandal. But that’s a far cry from John McCain and Lindsey Graham labeling Sen. Paul a wacko.

Although it may just be a rumor, it’s been said that the Roman despot Caligula once thought so highly of his horse, Incitatus, he made him a senator. More likely, it showed what he thought of the Roman Senate. Whatever the case, it’s a tradition that’s come down through the centuries. The only difference is that whereas Caligula may have appointed one horse, we now elect dozens.

According to Breitbart News, Mark Kelly, gun control zealot and husband of ex-Rep. Gaby Giffords, reportedly purchased an AR-15 and a 1911-style automatic pistol at a gun show in Tucson, Arizona. Allegedly, he did it in order to illustrate the need for more stringent gun laws. It’s reported that he also purchased high capacity magazines.

To me, that sounds like a minister caught going into a brothel and explaining he was only doing it to make certain the laws against prostitution were being enforced. After all, if Kelly didn’t already have enough proof that the current gun laws weren’t strict enough to suit him, why would he and his wife have jumped the gun, as it were, and created yet another anti-Second Amendment organization?

In the meantime, there’s been no word that Kelly has beaten his guns into plowshares or even turned them into the cops in exchange for concert tickets.

Finally, Sports Illustrated published a list of the 50 Most Powerful People in Sports. Logically topping the list were NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA. But lurking in 44th place was Barack Obama. In defending their selection, the editors mentioned Obama’s annual NCAA basketball tournament picks, which would have been enough to put him in a tie for 37,845,928th place on the SI list. They concluded their butt-kissing exercise with “and the 51-year-old can shoot the J.” In Sports Illustrated-speak, that’s a reference to the jump shot.

From my perspective, what the Prevaricator-in-Chief shoots far more consistently is the S.

Burt hopes you've enjoyed this article and now that you've finished it, he also hopes you'll enjoy "Scratch a Liberal, Find a Racist." If you're reading this article on his web site or as a subscription copy, it follows.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


BurtPrelutsky.com

SCRATCH A LIBERAL, FIND A RACIST

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show made its debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m.  That's L.A. time.  Access www.latalkradio.com, channel 1, and click on Listen Live.  You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps.  The call-in number is (323)203-0815.  I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con.  Especially pro.
by Burt Prelutsky

By this time, most people are aware that, according to those on the Left, the only racists in America are white conservatives. In much the same way, they dismiss the likes of Thomas Sowell, Ward Connerly, Condoleezza Rice, Walter Williams, Larry Elder, Shelby Steele and Allen West, as inauthentic blacks. In other words, the Left is so befuddled by reality that they ignore pigmentation in favor of politics.

By “authentic,” they apparently mean that if a black person is productive, well-educated and responsible for his family, he can’t really be black. Instead, authenticity is determined by how much welfare the person collects, how badly he mangles the language, how little schooling he’s had and how many illegitimate children he’s sired. Apparently, extra points can be earned if he uses or traffics in drugs and has spent some time in jail.

However, if a black person wants to avoid all that bad stuff and cut to the chase, he can, like Colin Powell and Juan Williams, establish his bona fides by endlessly voicing his support of Barack Obama.

Ever since Lyndon Johnson destroyed the black family back in the 1960s, America’s blacks have been systematically brainwashed by the Democrats. So successful has the campaign been that by now they actually believe it’s the Republicans who want to return them to the plantation, or, as Joe Biden put it, “Put y’all back in chains.”

Unfortunately, by this late date, too many are too dumb to recognize that the inner cities in which they dwell are latter-day plantations. But these days, it’s not the plantation owners who are keeping them barefoot, pregnant and illiterate; they’re doing it to themselves. Instead of having to pick cotton for their keep, all that’s required of them is that they regularly troop out and vote for the likes of Charles Rangel, Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee and Barack Obama.

Speaking of stupidity being rewarded, California is dropping eighth grade algebra because 80% of black and Hispanic students consistently fail the subject. The bad news is that overpaid and over-pensioned members of the vile teacher’s union can’t teach the subject. The good news is that apparently they’re still failing students. I had assumed in this age of grotesquely inflated high esteem that the worst grade they were allowed to give teenagers was B-minus.

In the wake of Obama’s ongoing campaign to disarm Americans, a reader sent me a 20-word message that sums up the case for making the Second Amendment tamper-proof: “Guns are a lot like parachutes. If you need one and don’t have one, you’ll probably never need one again.”

Another reader, who approved of my suggestion that the NRA begin producing TV commercials featuring real life people who have used guns to protect their homes and families, felt that the NRA should have its own network. I pointed out that only a certain number of NRA’s four million members would ever tune in. The NRA doesn’t need to change the minds of conservatives, after all. It needs to change the hearts of those without minds; namely, liberals.

In conclusion, I hope that by this time, you have all seen the video of Dr. Benjamin Carson addressing the National Prayer Breakfast. If you haven’t, I urge you to track it down. For nearly half an hour, Dr. Carson, a black neurosurgeon, made his case against this administration on everything from taxes to death panels. His tone was always civil, and he never once raised his voice.

But what made his remarks truly memorable was that Obama was seated on the dais, no more than four feet away, quietly seething. In fact, towards the end, if you look closely, you can see smoke coming out of those remarkable ears.

My major concern for the good doctor was that at any second, Obama was going to call in a drone strike.
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.


BurtPrelutsky.com

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A NATION OF NANNIES & JULIAS

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show will debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m.  That's L.A. time.  Access www.latalkradio.com, channel 1, and click on Listen Live.  You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps.  The call-in number is (323)203-0815.  I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con.  Especially pro.

by Burt Prelutsky

Last year, during the presidential campaign, Team Obama reached out to America’s single women by showing how a fictional woman named Julia only managed to make it from the cradle to the grave by depending at every turn on the largesse of the federal government. And it worked so well that those women chose Obama over Romney by a huge margin.

Why is it, though, that I haven’t heard old-line feminists such as Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Rachel Maddow, taking young women to task? I thought young women were supposed to build on all that empowerment that the ladies of NOW have been spewing for the past 40 years. As I recall, Ms. Steinem insisted that women needed men the way a fish needs a bicycle. Apparently that’s the case unless the man happens to reside in the White House. In which case, all bets are off. When they have a sugar daddy in the Oval Office, these powerful, glass ceiling-busting women can’t even manage to come up with $25-a-month to pay for their own birth control pills.

When I heard that New York City’s garden gnome of a mayor, Michael Bloomberg, wants to ban Styrofoam, my first thought was that Charles Krauthammer was right when he observed “A liberal is someone who doesn’t care what you do, so long as it’s mandatory.” But he neglected to point out that it has to be made mandatory by a left-winger.

Bloomberg, who has already banished trans-fats, sugar, salt, cigarettes, guns and large containers of soda, from what used to be a sophisticated city -- but has been turned into a burg filled with yokels under his leadership -- also wants to increase the number of parking spaces for electric cars. Just as an experiment, I’d like to see him ban toilet paper. That might finally awaken New Yorkers to the fact that the only thing big about their mayor is the size of his Napoleonic complex. But inasmuch as they already allowed him to get away with ignoring the two-term limit on mayors, my guess is that if the munchkin decided to add Charmin to his expanding list of contraband, the ninnies would let the nanny have his way.

These New Yorkers are barely human beings. You can more easily compare them to sheep or lemmings. That’s because no city in America has more self-identified liberals. They’re the knuckleheads who ignore the fact that “global-warming” was morphed into “climate change” the minute things began to cool down, which is like a casino arbitrarily changing red to black on the roulette wheel as soon as the little ball stops bouncing and settles in a red slot. So, naturally, these nitwits applaud Obama’s decision to do for weather what he’s already done for health care.

They’re the same folks who watch MSNBC and chuckled all 155 times in 24 hours that the network aired the moment when Marco Rubio, while delivering his rebuttal to Obama’s absurd State of the Union address, leaned over to grab a bottle of water. These New York liberals are the same morons who nodded when Hillary Clinton told the congressional committee that it made no difference who killed Ambassador Stevens and his three colleagues. And for good measure, they’re the same self-satisfied nincompoops who believe everything they read on the editorial page of the NY Times, and take pride in reading nothing else.

Obama used to say that the failing of the Constitution is that it failed to promote the redistribution of wealth. For me, the failing of the Declaration of Independence is that it mentioned “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Unlike the Constitution, which dealt with specifics and did so with wisdom and clarity, the Declaration was high-sounding balderdash and vague, to boot. It’s that “pursuit of Happiness” that opens the door to all sorts of nonsense. For one person, it means government-funded -- which means taxpayer funded -- abortions, marijuana or cell phones for everyone who wants one, but doesn’t care to pay for his own; for another, it’s a lifetime’s worth of unemployment insurance and food stamps.

When I hear conservative talk show hosts urge other conservatives to never say anything insulting about Obama or the rabble who adore him, I’m reminded of an exchange in Donna Leon’s set-in-Venice mystery novel, A Sea of Troubles. Referring to the inhabitants of a backward fishing village, a police sergeant says, “Pellestrinotti aren’t bright enough for something like that, anyway.” His superior, Commissario Brunetti, replies: “We’re not allowed to say things like that anymore.” “Regardless of whether they’re true?” “No,” Brunetti admits, “because they’re true.”

But even worse are those conservatives who are always urging Tea Party members to break away from the GOP and form their own political party. Each time I hear someone say something that stupid, I find myself wondering how much the Democrats are paying him.

Have these cheese heads never noticed that no matter how divided they may be on this issue or that one, liberals never split ranks? Is there a conservative in America who thinks that if a unified GOP can’t elect a president, a group consisting only of disenchanted Republicans is going to have better luck? How dumb does someone have to be not to recognize that all a third party would do is make it even easier for the Democrats to defeat us?

In the wake of ex-L.A. cop Christopher Dorner’s murderous rampage, it occurred to me that people who compose manifestos all appear to be whack jobs. Although there may be exceptions, the three who leap to mind are Karl Marx, Ted Kaczynski (aka the Unabomber) and now Dorner. So my advice is if you come across someone working on what he refers to as a manifesto, ask no questions. Just hit him with a baseball bat and move on.

And, finally, I confess I have no idea why Fox News thinks they’re providing a public service by placing a megaphone in the hands of loons such as Juan Williams, Geraldo Rivera, Leslie Marshall, Marc Lamont Hill and Alan Colmes. It stands to reason that if I wanted to hear left-wing drivel, I’d be tuned to MSNBC or CNN in the first place. But at least, dumb as they are, those five loons are all presentable. But what the heck is with Bob Beckel? It’s not just that he’s dumb as a rock and always appears to be nursing a hangover. But am I the only one who keeps expecting him to flick out his tongue and catch a fly?
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to pay for my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.

Terence Quinn of Eagle, Colorado, won the Feb. drawing. He requested Conservatives Are From Mars because he already had the other books.

BurtPrelutsky.com

Monday, March 11, 2013

ABOVE AND BEYOND

Although I'm still seeking sponsors, my online radio show will debut on Wednesday, March 13, at 1 p.m.  That's L.A. time.  Access www.latalkradio.com, channel 1, and click on Listen Live.  You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps.  The call-in number is (323)203-0815.  I'd like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con.  Especially pro.
by Burt Prelutsky

I actually watched Obama’s entire State of the Union address. I would like to think I was merely doing my duty as a citizen and as a political observer, but I’m beginning to worry that there is simply a streak of masochism that runs through me. After all, that’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back, and God knows I’m not getting any younger. If anything, just listening to and looking at His Arrogance has aged me considerably over the past five years.

I can’t even boast that I have cracked his code. A child of six could have figured out a long time ago that when he says “fees” and “revenue,” he means “taxes;” when he says “investing,” he means “spending;” and when he says “folks,” he means “suckers.” Furthermore, when he says “Let me make this perfectly clear,” he means “Abracadabra, now you see it, now you don’t.” And, finally, when he refers to “God,” he means himself.

If it weren’t for those masochistic tendencies, I would have long ago adopted Antonin Scalia’s approach to these annual telethons. For the past 16 years, he has avoided them, dismissing them as “childish spectacles.” Actually, the way that Joe Biden and Obama’s other puppets and stooges bounce up and down, applauding every platitude, cheering every cliché, I think Justice Scalia does a disservice to childish spectacles.

Frankly, I suspect the audience spends more time rehearsing their responses than Obama devotes to rehearsing his speech. After all, he not only has the use of a Teleprompter, but it’s only a slightly longer version of every other speech he gives. But it’s those senators and congressmen who have to know when the proper response is a furrowed brow, conveying their shared concern about rich people not paying their fair share; or polite applause, indicating they’re still awake; or whether it’s time to jump up and deliver the sort of ovation generally reserved for winners on American Idol.

One thing I know is that I wouldn’t want to be in Joe Biden’s shoes. That’s because, being on camera right behind Obama, he not only can’t afford to yawn or twitch around in his chair, but, like a musical conductor, he is expected to cue the other stiffs in the audience. If you’re Charles Schumer or Nancy Pelosi, you don’t want the TV camera catching you seated when Biden is up on his hind legs, waving his pom-poms.

Predictably, Obama went on at length about guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens, but nary a word about those in the hands of inner-city punks. On the other hand, I have to give him credit for at least suggesting that being a father entails more than knocking up a teenager. But, naturally, he gave less time to that all-important topic than he did to sending kudos to his wife and Mrs. Biden for something or other. Perhaps for putting up with the likes of him and Joe.

Some people actually take exception to my calling Obama arrogant. But what else would you call it when he decides that a $16.5 trillion dollar debt is of less concern than his golf score; when he ignored all the sensible recommendations of the Simpson-Bowles Commission, a commission, by the way, that he commissioned; and when -- thus completing the trifecta -- he apparently decided to override the counsel of his secretary of state, his secretary of defense, and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Gen. Martin Dempsey, who all urged him to arm the Syrian insurgents. It wasn’t simply their intention to put an end to al-Assad’s carnage, but to diminish Iran’s and Russia’s influence in the Middle East.

This fool is not only a one-man band, but he’s tone-deaf.

Actually, the way that Obama and his merry gang of fiscal idiots are going, it’s quite possible that by 2016, we’ll look back on a $16.5 trillion national debt as the good old days.

Apparently the only person who has any influence on him is Valerie Jarrett, who, rumor has it, is up for the lead in Rasputin, the Mad Monk! The Musical!

Because for liberals, the indoctrination of young minds can never start early enough, Obama pleaded for more money with which to fund pre-school for four-year-olds. What makes this particularly cynical is that his own Department of Health and Human Resources determined in 2010 that by the time kids are in kindergarten, there’s no discernible difference between the tots who have been attending nursery school and those who haven’t. For liberals, it’s not about the kids learning their ABCs; it’s all about teaching them to chant “Mmm-mmm, Obama” in unison.

No liberal speech would be complete without tossing a bone to women. What amazes me about women, especially single left-wing women, is that they’re always talking about being empowered and independent. But they invariably vote for Big Government in the hope that Big Brother will take care of them, providing them with free birth control pills and free abortions, while at the same time pretending they’re fit for frontline warfare. The other big lie that liberals foster is that being a social worker is the equivalent of being a brain surgeon and should therefore entitle them to the exact same paycheck.

I am always bemused when Obama brings up the need to renew our infrastructure. Inasmuch as he claimed that was the main reason he needed the trillion-dollar Stimulus passed as soon as he took office, he either lied in 2009 or all those roads and bridges had a shorter shelf life than cottage cheese.

This brings us to Marco Rubio’s rebuttal. The mainstream media made a big deal out of the fact the senator had to pause to drink some water. Some people, it is said, can’t see the forest for the trees. Liberals, on the other hand, can’t see the forest or the trees. In Rubio’s case, they apparently decided he might be okay as a senator, but would never hack it as a camel.

The truth is Rubio gave a fine speech. The reason that a rebuttal invariably falls short has less to do with the person giving it than with the venue. The president gets to make his way slowly through throngs of kiss-ups before arriving at his beloved Teleprompter. He then stands before hundreds of partisans and a balcony filled with his wife, his friends and a bunch of carefully selected guests. He is then interrupted, on average, every 30 seconds by thunderous applause.

The fellow doing the rebutting, on the other hand, is alone in a sweat box. Now if I were head of the GOP, God forbid, I would place the guy in an auditorium and have him address a packed house. There’s no trick to a politician getting an ovation, but it can’t happen if there’s nobody around to clap.

Next, provide him with a podium so he can pause to drink some water, preferably during a huge round of applause and laughter. And while we’re at it, turn on the damn air conditioner so it doesn’t look like the poor guy is being grilled by the cops.

Speaking of being grilled by the cops, I was delighted to see cop-killer Christopher Dorner meet his maker in that blazing cabin. For one thing, I figure it served to prepare him for his final destination. For another, what the world doesn’t need is another multi-million dollar, multi-year, murder trial, which would only encourage a bunch of mugs to argue endlessly over insanity pleas and the pros and cons of capital punishment.

If I was entrusted with his burial rites, I would say that Chris Dorner lived a despicable life. But in the end, Crispy Dorner went out like a champ.
©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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