Wednesday, October 30, 2013

COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON and AMERICA, 2013

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by Burt Prelutsky

Although I can sympathize with those who want Kathleen Sibelius’s head on a pike, just as I can sympathize with those who would like to see Eric Holder replaced as the attorney general, both groups are ignoring the fact that Obama would merely replace them with puppets who were just as bad or, if humanly possible, even worse. This is the same schmuck, let us keep in mind, who replaced Leon Panetta with Chuck Hagel and Hillary Clinton with John Kerry.

For only the second time in our nation’s history have we elected three consecutive presidents to second terms. The first time it happened, we wound up with Jefferson, Madison and Monroe. This time, we got Clinton, Bush and Obama. Does anyone require a clearer picture of America’s decline?

According to the polls and pundits, the next Republican presidential candidate is likely to be someone like Ted Cruz, Rand Paul or Marco Rubio, but being a senator is not the best thing to have on your resume. Although I grant that Clinton and Bush aren’t the greatest examples of ex-governors in the Oval Office, we would do better to seek our candidate from the ranks of the 30 Republican governors than from the 45 members of the Senate. The problem is that senators get to spend a lot of time on TV, so we’re more familiar with them. But being the president is like being the CEO of the world’s biggest corporation, and it’s governors who have the necessary executive experience to do the job. All that senators are called upon to do is vote occasionally and yak incessantly.

One of the things that has made the controversy over the Affordable Care Act so tiresome was having to hear yahoos like Obama, Schumer and Durbin, parroting the line about its being the law of the land, and, therefore, Republicans had no business calling for its demise. Even that trio of dunces has to be aware that slavery was once the law of the land. And it wasn’t just the law in the South. In fact, slavery was the law under the Stars and Stripes for many more years than it was under the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy.

For another thing, gun ownership is not guaranteed by a mere law, but by the Second Amendment to the Constitution, and yet the same crowd of bullies and bozos who shoved the Affordable Care Act down our throats without a single Republican vote , are constantly trying to disarm us.

In case you missed the news, Germany, France, Mexico and Brazil, are just a few of the countries that have voiced their displeasure upon learning that the current administration has been tapping their phones. What’s more, Saudi Arabia has threatened to cut off diplomatic relations with the U.S. because of the way that Obama is kowtowing to their archenemies in Iran, Syria and Russia. The Saudis have announced they no longer trust Obama. That makes two of us.

Clearly, Obama meant it when he said that once he became president, the world would look at us in a whole new way. For once, he kept his word.

I mean, really, how dare Obama and Kerry cozy up to Iran when it’s widely known that their three most recent defense ministers were all directly involved in the 1983 bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut, a bombing that resulted in the deaths of 241 American servicemen?

Has anyone else noticed that whenever this administration does something stupid or sleazy, Jay Carney claims Obama knew nothing about it until he read it in a newspaper? He knew nothing about Operation Fast & Furious; he knew nothing about Ambassador Stevens asking for additional security in Benghazi and he had no idea the consulate was under attack on 9/11/12; he knew zilch about the IRS targeting conservatives for the past several years; and he had not even a hint that there might be a problem with the rollout of the Affordable Care Act. I know the goofball plays a lot of golf and takes a lot of vacations, but really? Does he really enjoy being known as the Bystander-in-Chief?

The teachers union let it be known that it strongly objects to a bill that would prevent convicted sex offenders from being hired as teachers, counselors, coaches or janitors. Naturally, Rep. Keith Ellison backs the union, declaring that everyone deserves a second chance. Nobody bothered asking him if he meant a second chance to rape a school child.

Naturally, he and the union would be of a different mind if any of those creepy perverts exposed themselves and went “Bang-bang.” After all, schools, according to liberal pinheads, must maintain zero tolerance when it comes to weaponry, even if, 999 times out of a thousand, it means suspending six-year-olds, when the so-called smoking gun happens to be a tiny index finger.

It’s probably beside the point that Ellison is a Muslim. After all, left-wingers are always expected to back up unions. That is, if they expect campaign contributions to keep flowing into their re-election coffers. But what possible excuse can there be for people named Arif Alikhan, Mohammed Elibiary, Salam al-Marayati, Iman Mohamed Magid, Rashad Hussain and Eboo Patel, all being trusted advisors to Barack Hussein Obama? And, really, could Hillary Clinton, in a nation of 315,000,000 people, not find someone besides Huma Abedin (aka Mrs. Anthony Weiner) to be her closest aide and confidant?

Perhaps it’s just me, but I just don’t seem to recall a lot of people named Goering, Himmler and Hess, being in FDR’s inner circle the last time we were involved in an existential war with pure evil.



America, 2013

The United States isn't going to the dogs, which would be a good thing. Instead, it’s going to the dolts.

You want proof? Okay, ABC asked a group of typical voters three questions. One: Is ObamaCare a socialistic program? (Yes, they replied.) Two: Is the Affordable Care Act a socialistic program? (No, they said.) Three: Is the Affordable Care Act better than ObamaCare? (Definitely, they decided.)

A few minutes after Danne Desbrow received a 53-year sentence for murder, Judge Patricia Cookson not only married him and his fiancée, Destiny, but Judge Cookson had baked them a cake to celebrate the happy occasion. Is there something about wearing a black robe to work that destroys brain cells? Or do you simply have to flunk an IQ test to get the job in the first place?

Barack Obama was cranky because the government shutdown caused him to cancel his trip to Asia. Inasmuch as it costs the taxpayers a tidy fortune every single time he leaves the White House, why is it he never engages in teleconferencing? If it works for people who actually have important business to conduct, it should certainly work for the campaigner-in-chief.

Every time I hear about some tyke who’s suspended from kindergarten for pointing a stick and going “Bang!” I recall that I and every single kid I grew up with played with guns -- water and cap – and not one of us wound up killing anyone or having a rap sheet. So maybe, just maybe, it’s time for all you teachers and school principals to grow up and acknowledge gun violence has far more to do with values and parenting than it does with inanimate objects.

I find it odd that there wasn’t a single Democrat in the Senate who was willing to stand up and announce that Harry Reid doesn’t speak for him, that if the Republicans were willing to vote for a spending bill if all that was required was the elimination of the tax on medical devices, he was all for it. After all, even the Democrats knew that particular tax was not only a sure way to kill thousands of jobs, but to discourage medical research. Can you even begin to imagine how wonderful the perks must be for a U.S. senator that 54 of them would rather be viewed as eunuchs than risk the ire of Obama, Reid and the DNC!

In spite of all the recent news about black-on-white crime; in spite of Eric Holder’s refusal to even indict blacks who intimidate white voters; in spite of all the demonstrations on behalf of black thugs staged by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton; and in spite of Obama exhibiting far more regard for Muslims than for America’s Christians and Jews; a recent poll indicated that only 37% of white Americans regard black Americans as racists. It makes me wonder if the other 63% also lie to themselves or only to pollsters.

When the majority of House Republicans voted to conduct additional hearings regarding the IRS and Benghazi, the Democrats, taking their lead from their supreme leader, insisted the Republicans were playing politics over phony scandals. But when the Democrats passed ObamaCare without a single Republican vote, we were supposed to believe they were divinely inspired, and ignore the bribes and threats that emanated from Obama’s enforcers, Pelosi and Reid. It’s reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz insisting that Dorothy and her traveling companions pay no attention to the fellow behind the curtain.

In closing, I’ll leave you with three quotes. Henry David Thoreau said, “Beware of enterprises that require new clothes.” Ben Jonson said, “Being on a ship is like being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned.”

I say: “Liberal politicians remind me of those testosterone-deprived willowy lads one used to see, and perhaps still sees, holding lighted candles and swaying at Bono concerts. Unfortunately, too many Republican politicians seek to emulate those twerps, hoping to woo female voters.

“My advice to them is to forget about it. They merely make a hash of it and wind up embarrassing themselves. If a woman happens to go for that type -- as with shoes and handbags -- she wants the genuine article, and not the cheap knock-off.”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, October 28, 2013

WHO SAYS WE DON'T HAVE A MONARCHY?

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by Burt Prelutsky

For those who don't have enough irony in their daily diet, let me point out that the Founders fought a revolution in order to free themselves from King George. Now, a scant two hundred-odd years later, we are forced to support the Obamas in a style more lavish than anything ever dreamed of by even the most self-indulgent of the French monarchs.

We all know about the way these people squander our tax dollars on White House galas and African safaris, but until the recent shutdown, I wasn’t aware of the size of the personal staffs with which they surround themselves. Barack has a staff of 1,701, 90 of whom merely look after his living quarters. For purposes of comparison, Queen Elizabeth’s Buckingham Palace is 12 times larger than the White House, but she somehow manages to make do with a crew of 800.

Mrs. Obama has 16 personal assistants at her beck and call. That’s more people than George Washington had in his entire administration.

The question that comes to mind is: where do I sign up for the revolution?

In the wake of the recent shutdown of national parks and monuments, when the congressional Republicans said they would continue to fund keeping the World War II Memorial open, the Democrats dismissed it as “a stupid stunt.” And, still, some ignoramuses continue to parrot the line about both parties being the same.

What’s more, the best that Obama and his stooges could say in defense of the Affordable Care Act is that it’s the law of the land. It’s the law of the land only because Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi twisted arms and paid out bribes to the Democrats in the House and Senate, and because the Supreme Court, by a 5-4 vote, disagreed with Obama’s claim that it wasn’t a tax.

Besides which, that’s a pretty feeble defense when you recall that slavery was once the law of the land and that, for nearly 150 years, women were legally barred from voting.

Back in 1996, when we last had a government shut-down, federal workers were divided into essential and non-essential, with the latter group being sent home. This time around, this being an even more politically correct time, they were divided into excepted and non-excepted. My question is: why do we continue to employ bureaucrats we can live without? And who decided that Jay Carney wouldn’t be furloughed for the duration? I can barely imagine a world in which Carney wouldn’t be regarded as superfluous.

The problem with Social Security, and the reason that it has to eventually go bankrupt, is that it’s a huge Ponzi scheme. It forced young people to be taxed in order to support those who were old and retired. Once the majority of the recipients began living 10 or 20 years past their retirement age, the system was doomed.

So now we have ObamaCare, yet another federal boondoggle that compels young people, most of whom can’t even find fulltime jobs, to pick up the tab in order to subsidize their grandparents. To paraphrase Santayana, those who don’t learn from history are doomed to keep electing liberals.

Little kids start asking “why” out of revenge. It’s because they’re forced to put up with a couple of years of “No!” and “Because I said so!” that, with the discovery of speech, they can’t wait to get their revenge. What’s more, they quickly learn that when they constantly ask why the sky is blue, why water is wet, why they have to go to bed and why the family mutt has four legs when they only have two, it’s lauded as intellectual curiosity. For my part, I’m waiting to hear about the truly precocious three-year-old who asks why God gave left-wingers brains if they’re never going to use them.

Finally, anyone who’s ever visited a zoo will have noticed how closely human beings resemble apes, but the fact remains that we belong to two different species. It’s similar, I’d say, to the relationship that conservatives have with liberals.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, October 25, 2013

TRIAL BALLOONS

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by Burt Prelutsky

Politicians are always floating trial balloons to test the winds for their various programs. I have my own balloons, and I often wish I could use them to float off to another planet

For instance, I received an email from a fellow who had spent 40 years working in procurement for the U.S. military. He was calling my attention to how quickly the federal government got those signs announcing the shutdown printed and posted all across the country, at every national park and monument. As he says, it’s not as if they just happened to have those thousands of 3x4-foot signs lying around since the last shutdown 17 years ago.

He estimates that they had to have started getting them ready at least six months ago, and the only person who could have authorized the massive project is the schmuck in the Oval Office.

On the other hand, he had over a year and $500 million to spend getting ready for ObamaCare, and that was a total disaster, with apparently only a dozen Americans signed in and signed up after the first two weeks of the grand opening.

My assumption is that merely proves Obama can only juggle one catastrophe at a time, confirming him to be the sort who can walk and chew gum, but not simultaneously.

Some people are convinced that Obama was born in Kenya. I confess that I simply don’t know. Having said that, it wouldn’t shock me to learn that he had been born in the Aloha State. After all, Hawaii is even more liberal than California. In fact, it’s so far to the left, they couldn’t even find a place for it on the mainland; they had to stick it way out in the middle of the ocean. Unfortunately, they let it remain above sea level.

By this time, you have probably heard about the school that banned football, baseball and soccer from recess, lest a kid be hurt with a hard ball. Instead, they have them using Nerfballs. I suppose the next step is to eliminate language, history and math, from the curriculum because they’re hard subjects.

Along the same lines, the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition, has put the kibosh on three postage stamps in a series dedicated to healthy activities. The problem is that they showed a kid on a skateboard without knee pads, a kid cannonballing into a pool and a kid doing a handstand without a helmet.

I’m almost too shocked to ask the question, but what kid has ever performed a handstand while wearing a helmet? And what sort of loon do you have to be to be appointed to this council, and just what activities have they been performing without a helmet that’s left them in this tragic brain-damaged condition?

I’ve noticed that whenever anything unfortunate occurs, we can trust some pompous ass in Washington to declare “We must never allow this to happen ever again,” even though it’s something they are powerless to prevent. My theory is that by making that pointless statement, it makes them feel as if they’ve actually done something.

But when I say we must never allow this to happen again, I am referring to the election of Barack Obama, and I mean it. I understand that he, personally, can never run again, but that’s not good enough. The thing that must never happen again is electing someone simply because he or she is black, Jewish, Hispanic, gay, female or suffers from a physical disability.

For one thing, it’s a really dumb thing to do. I mean, it’s even dumber than most of the reasons we vote for some shmoe. For another, once one of these people is elected president and you happen to disagree with their policy, you will be labeled a bigot, an anti-Semite, a misogynist, a homophobe or just plain heartless.

Moreover, if you vote for anyone whose resume mentions time spent as a community organizer, which is just another name for a left-wing troublemaker, you shouldn’t be labeled anything. Instead, you should be belted with a baseball bat.

The Nobel Peace Prize, which has replaced the Stalin Peace Prize for all intents and purposes, has gone this year to the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons, a Hague-based group dedicated to eliminating poison gas. But inasmuch as it has no authority to do anything, it’s really just another of those organizations with a high-sounding name that’s created so that it’s overpaid members can live high, wide and handsomely, off their expense accounts.

The million dollar prize could have gone to Malala Yousafzai, the 16-year-old Pakistani who has been an advocate for Middle East girls being given an education. After all, for her efforts to bring civilization belatedly to the Muslim world, she took a bullet in the face when the Taliban attempted to assassinate her last year. There is still a fatwa on her and her father. The only risk to those clowns who received the Peace Prize is a severe case of gout.

Generally when it comes to our nation’s enemies, we speak longingly of bombing them back to the Dark Ages. However, when referring to the Taliban and their vile comrades in Al Qaeda and the Muslim Brotherhood, who already dwell in the Dark Ages, their appropriate fate would be to wake up with missing limbs in the Ice Age.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

MARIANO RIVERA FOR PRESIDENT

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by Burt Prelutsky

If you're not a baseball fan, you might not know who Mariano -- Mo to his friends, fans and teammates -- Rivera is. He is the closer for the New York Yankees, the fellow they’ve been calling on since the mid-90s to protect leads in the late innings. Nobody has ever come close to being as good at what he does as Rivera. This past season, as he’s announced his retirement, every team the Yankees have played against has honored him. Even the Boston Red Sox gave him testimonials and gifts. Several teams have given him checks for his foundation. And every member of the opposing teams has stood and applauded the man and his accomplishments.

But Mo deserves it. In addition to displaying unmatched talent for 17 seasons, he has performed under the largest spotlight in baseball with grace and humility. When people ask how this native of Panama has been able to pitch the way he has even into his 40s, he credits God first and foremost, and then mentions his family, his teammates and the Yankee organization.

When I saw him recently on TV making his farewell appearance at Yankee Stadium, I found myself wishing we had someone of his caliber in the Oval Office. Can anyone even imagine a Republican having a good word to say about Obama, who ran as a great uniter, but has spent five years demeaning the loyal opposition, accusing them at various times of being racists, obstructionists and traitors?

What I don’t understand is how Obama gets away with arbitrarily postponing the Affordable Health Care mandate for business owners. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi keep telling us ObamaCare is the law of the land, but Obama keeps ignoring the embarrassing parts of it. According to the Supreme Court, ObamaCare is legal because they decided it’s a tax, the very thing Obama spent two years denying it was. But if it’s a tax, where does Obama get off insisting that only some people have to pay it?

It may not have been noticed in some places, but Obama, Biden and Hillary Clinton, all stayed away from Margaret Thatcher’s funeral. However, Obama sent an official delegation numbering 14 when socialist dictator and all-around swine Hugo Chavez was laid to rest.

Although I rarely disagree with my friend Bernie Goldberg, he recently devoted an article to comparing the civil rights of gays to the religious rights of Christians. Bernie was entering the fray on behalf of gays, who had been denied wedding cakes and floral decorations by evangelical business owners who oppose same-sex marriages.

He pointed out that such marriages are now legal in several states, and that takes precedence in a nation of laws. I have a different take on things. One, I happen to think that if someone is willing to forego the profit, he should have the same right to withhold service as storeowners who refuse to deal with shirtless or shoeless customers.

In addition, there are always florists and bakers who would be only too happy to supply cakes and flowers, so it is hard for me to imagine that the homosexual couples wanted either as much as they wanted to create problems for those whose religious beliefs offended them.

Moreover, it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was reading about Muslim taxi drivers who were allowed to refuse rides to people carrying packages out of liquor stores and blind people if they were accompanied by their Seeing Eye dogs. It just seems to me that Christians shouldn’t have fewer religious rights in America than Muslims.

Recently, someone sent me a list of high-profile shootings. Starting in 1865, we had a Democrat named John Wilkes Booth killing Abe Lincoln. In 1881, a left-wing radical shot James Garfield. In 1963, a socialist shot John F. Kennedy. In 2010, a registered Democrat named Jared Loughner shot Rep. Gaby Giffords and killed six others. In 2013, a registered Democrat named Adam Lanza shot and killed his mother before killing 26 others at a local school.

The point being that guns don’t kill people; left-wingers kill people.
In closing I will quote H.L. Mencken, who wrote: “The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false face for the urge to rule it” and Mark Twain, who observed: “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

For my part, whenever I find myself in that unlikely position, I demand a recount.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
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Monday, October 21, 2013

PUTIN, THE POPE & THE PUNK

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Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED that Vladimir Putin would pull Obama’s chestnuts out of the fire? Nothing else could have saved Obama from having Congress deny him the green light to attack Syria.

Ironically, even though I opposed hitting Syria unless it was going to be with a nuke, for staking out a position and sticking to it in spite of massive opposition in his own party, I rather admired Obama. It was the first time I can recall that he did anything that he knew would upset his base.

For one thing, according to a straw poll, 42 of the 44 members of the Congressional Black Caucus intended to vote against a military strike. For another, when he was rattling his little saber, it forced his peacenik chums in Hollywood to bite their tongues and remain silent, thus confirming their hypocrisy once again.

The same people -- Susan Sarandon, Danny Glover, Barbra Streisand, Jessica Lange, Janeane Garofalo, George Clooney, Tim Robbins, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, Harry Belafonte, Bono and Michael Moore -- who spent most of the past decade reviling George Bush as a fascist and comparing him to Hitler for attacking Iraq, suddenly went missing. The strongest objection was voiced by Ed Asner, who limited his condemnation to “He’s no longer my Galahad.”

Question: What is the difference between a Congress on vacation and one hard at work? Answer: It was a trick question. There is no such thing as a Congress hard at work. If there were, wouldn’t Lois Lerner be back trying to explain who ordered the IRS to target conservatives? Wouldn’t people from the State Department be called on the carpet to explain why Ambassador Stevens and the other three Americans weren’t given the protection they requested and to rat out whoever told Susan Rice to tell lies about a stupid video? And how is it that Hillary (“What difference does it make?”) Clinton, now a private citizen, hasn’t been subpoenaed to come clean on her role in the tragedy and the cover-up?

Speaking of Benghazi, Obama swore he would round up and punish the perpetrators of the massacre, and yet here it is a year later, and the only person who has been punished is the schmuck who produced the video. In the meantime, several reporters have interviewed one of the terrorists in Libya, the very one the FBI explained the Libyan government is preventing them from arresting. It seems to me that we have a far better reason to lob Cruise missiles into Libya than we have for attacking Syria.

So, we can’t get our mitts on a single terrorist, but we’re asked to believe that we can verify that Assad is turning over all of his chemical weapons in the midst of a civil war. Well, why wouldn’t we believe it? After all, we have Putin’s word for it. Frankly, I’d be more apt to believe Putin if I didn’t know that he hates America, is a former KGB officer and that he’s convinced he has a Super Bowl ring because he personally led the New England Patriots to victory, not because he swiped it in broad daylight from sissy team owner Robert Kraft.

Speaking of liars, you may have noticed that after John Kerry mentioned the impossibility of getting Syria to hand over its poison gas, Putin pounced on the notion in his quest to join the likes of Yasser Arafat, Al Gore and Barack Obama, as a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. At the same time, Obama announced he had floated the idea to Putin at the recent G20 conference in Moscow. Does even Bo, the White House dog, believe for a second that if Obama had made such a suggestion, he wouldn’t have reported it at the time? After all, if one of those Peace Prizes is good, two are even better.

Let’s face it, Putin baited the hook, snagged himself a Barack, and he now has the poor dumb fish mounted over his mantel.

Apparently, Nabil Shaath, a Palestinian Authority commissioner has reported that John Kerry guaranteed the Palestinians in writing that the current Israeli-Palestinian conflict negotiations would start from the 1967 borders.

Of course that doesn’t necessarily make it so. Being a commissioner for the Palestinians is a lot like being a presidential press secretary. The main prerequisite is the ability to lie with a straight face.

In related news, according to a recent poll, terrorists are viewed more favorably among the Palestinians than they are anywhere else in the Muslim world.
Finally, Pope Francis has recently broken with protocol by smooching President Cristina Kirchner of Argentina and bowing to Queen Rania of Jordan.

I realize it’s all a feeble attempt to display humility. But whether it’s the Pope or the President of the United States who’s doing the bowing, it comes across as utter sham. Nobody who leads a billion Catholics or is the commander-in-chief of the most powerful nation on earth is going to be any more convincing than Uriah Heep in the role of a humble supplicant.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
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Friday, October 18, 2013

TOO MUCH NEWS, TOO LITTLE TIME

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

I often feel like one of those lumberjacks we used to see in the newsreels, trying to knock a competing lumberjack off a spinning log. The foolishness comes at us so rapidly that trying to stay on top of it all before we wind up in the drink is too much for one man.

That’s why when the opportunity presents itself, I like to delegate responsibility. So it’s with a sense of gratitude, I acknowledge that when Melanie Campbell, one of the many pinheads who was invited to speak at the Martin Luther King anniversary shindig, compared the Supreme Court to the Ku Klux Klan, comedy writer Argus Hamilton pointed out how wrong she was: “The Klan are a bunch of guys in white sheets that scare the hell out of black people, while the Court’s a bunch of guys in black sheets that scare the hell out of white people.”

I would like to give a shout-out to the folks in Colorado Springs who successfully recalled two liberal legislators who helped pass gun-control legislation. There’s nothing like a successful recall to remind politicians that they only think they live in a money-lined cocoon.

Speaking of elections, I regret that Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer both lost their attempts to climb back aboard the political gravy train. The voters in New York City, the same nudnicks who elected Michael Bloomberg three times, deserve to be embarrassed as often as possible, and what could be more embarrassing than to be represented by a whoremonger and a serial exhibitionist?

Well, I suppose being represented on the world’s stage by Barack Obama and Joe Biden comes close. These mooks can barely run a bath, let alone a country.

Imagine being in the Oval Office this long and having to boast of ObamaCare as your greatest accomplishment. Early on, when Nancy Pelosi was still telling us Congress would have to pass the Affordable Care Act before we’d know what was in it, a lot of us were already concerned about the federal government grabbing control of one-sixth of the economy. But now that everyone has a pretty good idea that it was conceived in a spooky backroom and passed in a toxic dump; when the Catholic Church, the labor unions and every major company from UPS and IBM to Xerox and Delta, are opposed to it; Obama, Pelosi and Reid, are still trying to tell us that this crapburger tastes like fried chicken.

This is a health care plan that is in desperate need of a health care plan of its own. Preferably, one that contains death panels.

Moving on, the Navy reports that sexual assaults in the ranks numbered 1,800 so far in 2013. Whatever happened to the notion of swabbing decks and peeling potatoes to keep the troops occupied?

A left-wing Italian newspaper publisher conducted an interview with Pope Francis. Apparently His Holiness didn’t actually claim that atheists could get into Heaven, as the story was headlined in the socialist press. But that’s why when I first heard about it, I recall wondering if St. Peter was shaking his head and muttering, “Well, there goes the neighborhood.”

Having now read the interview, with all of his papal parsing, I can see where it might have lent itself to such an interpretation; especially if you were looking to sell newspapers. If I had the Pontiff’s ear, I would advise him to quit yakking on his cell phone and doing one-on-ones with left-wing journalists. If he has too much time on his hands, I suggest he start swabbing the floors of the Vatican and peeling a few potatoes.

Possibly the biggest surprise of the year was watching John Kerry morph from the sort of self-righteous dove who was so outraged by the war in Vietnam that he tossed other people’s medals over the fence at the Pentagon into a liberal’s version of a hawk. That would be the sort of hawk who would demand a military attack consisting of teensy-weensy pinpricks that would let Bashar Assad, along with the mullahs in Iran and the nutty dwarf in North Korea, know that America doesn’t just stand around twiddling its thumbs when women and children are being gassed to death.

And, finally, in case you’re still brokenhearted because Ron Paul isn’t President Paul, you will be relieved to know he hasn’t gone gently into the night.
Instead, he was the keynote speaker at the Fatima Center earlier this month. In case you’ve never heard of the Center, some people claim it’s anti-Semitic just because it’s headed up by Father Nicholas Gruner. But, then, some people will leap to conclusions on nothing more than his having published articles claiming that Jews are trying to undermine the Catholic Church on behalf of Satan and that wealthy Jews are guilty of financially raping Russia, a nation for which Gruner feels a great empathy. Perhaps it’s based on their mutual hatred of Jews.

And then, of course, there’s the business about Gruner’s denial of the Holocaust. “A question that nobody has been able to answer for me is: how can you have six million Jews die, and have 13 million left, when you had 13 million to start with? I think it’s impossible. But you know I’m open-minded. I’ll listen to somebody who can prove it otherwise.”

Clearly he’s so open-minded, his brains fell out somewhere along the way.

As for Ron Paul, when asked for his opinion, he said the reports were disturbing, but added that he hadn’t read them. That, come to think of it, is exactly what he said when he came under fire during the 2008 presidential primaries, and was accused of regularly publishing anti-Semitic articles in his own newsletter!


©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

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Wednesday, October 16, 2013

COOKIES, KOOKS AND CALAMITIES

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt has two upcoming personal appearances!
On Thursday, Oct. 17th, at 12:30, He will be addressing the Palm Springs Republican Women Confederated, at 7 Lakes Country Club, 1 Desert Lakes Drive.

On Saturday, Oct. 19th, He will be speaking to the Mountain View Republican Club at the Calaycay Ranch, 1555 W. Baseline Road in Claremont, sometime between noon and 4 p.m.

Cookies, Kooks and Calamities

Even being incarcerated isn’t enough to make some hardened cases walk the straight and narrow. O.J. Simpson, who, among his other sins helped make household names out of creeps like Johnnie Cochran and Robert Shapiro, was recently busted by prison guards while trying to smuggle a dozen oatmeal cookies from the mess hall back to his cell.

In related news, Nabisco is negotiating with Simpson’s representatives to make him their corporate spokesman. And, if he gets paroled, “Sesame Street” is considering making him their Cookie Monster. After all, nobody answers the job description better.

The new Iranian president, Hassan Rhumani, gives new meaning to diplomacy every time he opens his pie hole. Without even winking or giggling, he actually said, “Iran is a country that loves culture and peace.” He also said, “We have never pursued a nuclear weapon.”

What gets me about mooks like Rhumani and Bashar al-Assad is that they spend half their time denying they have or are attempting to produce weapons of mass destruction and the other half offering to come to the negotiating table to discuss disposing of them.

One would wish that the United States was in a position to tell these people to stop lying, but when you have a president and secretary of state who can match them lie for lie and then some, the old adage about people living in glass houses invariably springs to mind.

Every time some nutcake runs amok and starts shooting up a mall, a school or a military installation, the usual gang of hypocrites can be counted on to start declaring war on the Second Amendment. What they can’t be counted on to do is recognize the real problem with gun violence. If they did, they would first have to recognize that the occasional crazies like Jared Loughner, Adam Lanza and Aaron Alexis, get the headlines, but they only account for a small fraction of the innocent victims. But if you think for half a second, that the liberals will ever send the National Guard into the hood to separate the black and Latino gangbangers from their artillery, you’re clearly non compos mentis.

Furthermore, if you think the ACLU is going to idly stand by and let the folks who use the sidewalks as their bedrooms and toilets be institutionalized against what passes for their free will, you simply haven’t been paying attention for the past several decades.

Unfortunately, because politicians and celebrities spend their lives being protected by men with guns, they can afford to be oblivious to the dangers faced by the rest of us. Still, every time you see Dianne Feinstein bloviating about how awful guns are, keep in mind that a while back, she was found to have a license to carry a concealed gun, and carry one she did. She claimed she had been threatened by a group of terrorists and was therefore justified to be a pistol-packing mama. After 9/11, Aurora, Newtown, Boston and the Navy Yard, not to mention all the teenage punks packing heaters, she has a fat lot of nerve pretending that we’re in any less danger than she ever was. The only difference, as I see it, is that she has scores of armed guards protecting her work environment.

Because I receive so much email from readers, I am often in the right place to notice certain trends. For instance, the most obvious mistakes I used to find in these communications were those that confused “to, too and two” and “their, there and they’re.” Of late, hardly a day goes by when someone isn’t confusing “loose” with “lose.”

When these errors appear in messages taking me to task, I merely nod and think, “Well, of course. No wonder they disagree with my analysis.” But when I find them lurking in email intended to give me a well-deserved pat on the back, it merely makes me sigh.

I was recently sent some amendments to Murphy’s Law. Among my favorites were: “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” “A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.” “Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” “Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.” “A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.” “It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.”

Finally, I’ve been seeing way too much of Henry Waxman on my TV recently as he’s split his time between railing against the Second Amendment and demeaning Republicans for trying to defund ObamaCare. The thought that has occurred to me is that he looks like the love child that would have resulted from the mating of two baseball mascots, possibly San Diego’s Chicken and Milwaukee’s Sausage.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.



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Monday, October 14, 2013

"Life in These United States" and "A Disaster of Biblical Proportions"

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky


Barack Obama says more dumb things in a day than some people say in a lifetime. For instance, regarding the shutdown, he said: “The House Republicans are holding the government hostage.” I know that Obama isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer and that he has only a passing relationship with the Constitution, but someone should tell him that the House is a part of the government, no matter how he feels about it. So, were we to take him at his word -- always a bad idea! -- the House Republicans would be guilty of holding themselves hostage.

One always hears that the president, whoever he may be, commands the bully pulpit, but only under Obama has it been changed into something that could better be called the bully’s pulpit.

I, for one, am getting sick and tired of hearing Obama constantly going on about the needy. In Obama’s case, he is forever referring to them when he’s pushing the Affordable Care Act. For three years, he’s been telling us one whopper after another about this god-awful piece of legislation cobbled together by Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi (think Dr. Frankenstein and his assistant, Igor).

He told us that if we liked our doctor and our health insurance, we could hang on to both. He also told us that ObamaCare would not only insure an additional 30 million people, but it would save the average family $2,500. Not even Bernie Madoff would have ever expected anyone to swallow a lie that big. But, as they proved last November, most American voters have very large gullets and no more brains than a herd of sheep.

It is true that the cost of health care will go down for some because of government subsidies. But those subsidies don’t come out of Obama’s pocket, they come out of yours if you pay taxes. So not only will you be paying more for your own health care, but you will be paying for millions of people who will show their appreciation for your generosity by continuing to elect Democrats who will continue to bribe them with your money. What a deal!

The sorry truth of the matter is that most of the neediest people in America are actually the greediest. Just the other day, I was standing in line with my wife at a fast food joint. The two guys in front of us, both of whom wore their pants below their butts, kept comparing wads of twenty dollar bills. I could only assume they made the money mowing lawns. However, when they bought their burgers, they used one of their food stamp credit cards.

The next day, I was at the drug store buying batteries. Again, I had a young fool ahead of me using one of those cards to pay for his purchases. The sad fact, though, is that he had a bigger fool standing behind him than I had standing in front of me. After all, I had helped pay his tab, he hadn’t paid mine.

Obama is now trying to pressure the Supreme Court to put a limit on what people can contribute to political candidates. He spoke of the democratic ideal being tainted by wealthy radical elements. Funny how that didn’t seem to bother him when he still had elections to win. Can we all say George Soros? You can’t get much wealthier or more radical than that old Hungarian commie who learned all about the redistribution of wealth when he helped the Nazis confiscate Jewish property in Budapest.

I have to fess up to a mistake I’ve made more than once. For the past year, I’ve been ruing the fact that Mitt Romney received fewer votes in 2012 than John McCain did in 2008. I must have seen numbers prior to the final tabulation. In any case, I don’t like to spread a falsehood if I can help it. While it’s true that Obama’s own numbers dropped about 3.5 million between 2008 and 2012, Romney did garner roughly a million more votes than McCain.

That reminds me, people, especially Republicans, keep wringing their hands and telling us that we might as well disband as a party because young people, single women, blacks, Jews, Hispanics, Asians and the mass media, all despise the GOP. And although I am not well-suited to play Pollyanna, the fact remains that Obama did lose those 3.5 million votes in his second election, something no two-termer had ever done in the past. In addition, whereas in 2009, the Democrats had super majorities in the House and the Senate, four years later they have five fewer Senate seats, have lost control of the House, and, what’s more, the lion’s share of governors are now Republicans. If anyone should be hitting the panic button, it’s the Democrats. And whether or not, they ever get the glitches out of those damn computers, ObamaCare is shaping up to be the disaster the Republicans all said it would be when Obama jammed it through Congress without a single Republican vote.

In case you hadn’t heard, Carrick High School in Pittsburgh decided to have a Trayvon Martin theme day as part of school spirit week. Some parents were upset when they got the news that their kids were being encouraged to wear hoodies on Trayvon Martin Wednesday. I’m assuming they will be even angrier when they hear the kids will be encouraged to sell drugs and steal from each other’s lockers on Trayvon Martin Thursday and Friday.

In other news, future Hall of Famer Chipper Jones, who played his entire 20-year career for the Atlanta Braves, was invited to toss out the first ball of the National League Division Series. But because he had committed the mortal sin of predicting that the L.A. Dodgers would take the best of five game series in four games, none of the Atlanta players, including his former teammates, would volunteer to catch the pitch. As a result, Jones was forced to pitch to the team’s mascot, a cartoonish character with a humongous head shaped like a baseball. The kicker is that the Dodgers won the series in four games. Perhaps Atlanta should have had the mascot suit up in place of one of their overpaid punks.

Finally, wrapping up the news of the day, a prosecutor in Houston filed aggravated rape charges against a 10-year-old girl who had been spotted by a neighbor touching a four-year-old boy in what they’re referring to as “his private area.” In other words, it’s now a felony to play doctor.

I’m no lawyer, but it seems to me that the charge should have been practicing medicine without a license.


A DISASTER OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS

Over the past couple of years, I made a couple of prophecies. The first was that in spite of Obama’s threats, Bashar al-Assad would remain in power longer than Obama would. The second was that although America could probably survive another four years of Obama, I doubted if the nation could survive an electorate that would re-elect him. Nothing I’ve seen in the intervening months since last November has caused me to change my mind.

Apparently, according to polls, even if the Republican House agrees to fund everything but ObamaCare and Obama then shuts down the government in a fit of pique, the majority of voters will hold the Republicans responsible if their Social Security checks are a week late. I mean, just how dumb are we as a nation?

Everyone, including the Catholic Church, labor unions and business owners and their employees, hate ObamaCare, but the voters are ready to punish the GOP in the 2014 elections if they try to kill the damn thing.

I used to just suspect that people got the leaders they deserve. Now I know it for a fact.

Even the United Nations, which helped Al Gore create the hoax known as global warming, has finally come around to admitting that the earth is not heating up. But that’s not going to change anything at this late date. For liberal politicians, there’s simply too much money and power up for grabs by maintaining the farce. For corrupt scientists, there are simply too many grants and department chairmanships up for grabs by pretending that anything other than the sun determines temperatures on earth.

Hell, if the various hucksters could see a way to bamboozle the rest of us, they would dig up the Piltdown Man and once again display him as the Missing Link. He, too, it should be remembered was “settled science” for about 40 years.

One thing you have to say about Pope Francis is that he knows how to grab headlines. In his latest attempt to steal attention away from Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus, he announced that the Church should stop “obsessing about gay marriages, abortions and contraception.” Instead, he wants to focus on social issues. Funny but I thought those were social issues. But apparently His Holiness has a lot in common with Obama, otherwise known as His Schmoliness, and seems to think his divine mission is to oversee the redistribution of wealth.

The more I hear from Pope Francis, the more certain I am that I’ve stumbled across Hillary’s running mate in 2016.

Aaron Alexis, who murdered a dozen innocent people at the Navy Yard, claimed in the weeks before the massacre that he was hearing voices giving him orders. He was pretty sure the voices were coming out of his microwave. It made me wonder if that could help explain Obama’s bizarre behavior. But in his case, I suspect the voice he hears is that of George Soros, who merely looks like a microwave.

I find that I am already sorry that the mayor’s race in New York City didn’t go the way I was hoping. For 12 years, Michael Bloomberg provided the rest of the country with one laugh after another. I am convinced the laughs would never have stopped if only New Yorkers had seen their way clear to electing Anthony (“I’ll show you mine if you let me show you mine”) Weiner.

Instead, we have to rely on Obama to keep us chuckling. But the way the media protects this cluck, we’re not only being deprived of our laughs, but of a few straight answers. For instance, why is it that nobody has asked him why, if Assad’s use of poison gas on a thousand Syrians was a sin of biblical proportions, how it was that when George Bush attacked Saddam Hussein, who had used the same stuff to kill tens of thousands of Iranians and Iraqi Kurds, he deserved to be impeached and tried as a war criminal?

Question: What do Mel Gibson, Laurence Olivier, Richard Burton, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Chamberlain, Ian McKellen, Kevin Kline, John Gielgud, John Barrymore, Edwin Booth and Barack Obama, have in common? Answer: They have all portrayed Hamlet. But none have equaled Obama’s mastery of the role. The others, after all, merely had to memorize the lines and repeat them for a few hours. But as we’ve all seen, with his talk about red lines and his threats about the inevitable consequences, followed by his calls for congressional support, followed by his plea for the United Nations to do something, anything or nothing, he has made the role his own. This schmuck doesn’t need to parrot Shakespeare’s lines; he is Hamlet.

For those who’d say he’s not a convincing Danish prince, not a manly and commanding presence like Gibson, Burton and Barrymore, I’d hasten to remind them that at times the role has been performed by the likes of Sarah Bernhardt and Judith Anderson.


©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.



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Friday, October 11, 2013

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, R.I.P. and POLITICS, GUNS & SURGERY

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky


The Democrats apparently think they can get away with anything simply because the major media outlets are in the tank for them, and perhaps they can. I suppose we’ll have to wait until the mid-term elections to find out if America really is prepared to pull the plug on itself.

Clearly, Obama and his gang thought it wouldn’t cost them any votes if the Department of Defense suspended death benefits to the widows and children of soldiers killed in Afghanistan. Apparently, they were equally copacetic about shutting down the outdoor World War II Memorial to military veterans, while throwing open the National Mall for a demonstration by illegal immigrants and some of their publicity-crazed supporters in the House.

Speaking of the shutdown, I don’t think it’s right for people to complain that none of the golf courses on military bases where Obama likes to play were closed for the duration. After all, Obama needs a place where he can unwind after playing all those other rounds of golf.

It is almost beyond belief that people like Obama and John Kerry can still find nice things to say about Syria’s al-Assad and Russia’s Putin just because they’re going through the motions of destroying Syria’s stash of chemical weapons. But when it comes to House Republicans, Obama calls them “saboteurs.” Chuck Schumer labels them “extortionists and hostage-takers,” while former Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau draws the line at extortionists; to him, they’re just “hostage-takers.” White House advisor Dan Pfeiffer insists they’re “terrorists,” while Sen. Dick Durbin agrees they’re “terrorists,” but adds that they’re also “squealing political pigs.” Harry Reid calls them “anarchists” and Nancy Pelosi is equally convinced they’re “arsonists.” Al Gore claims they’re “political terrorists,” while Sen. Angus King of Maine refuses to beat around the bush, insisting they’re nothing more or less than “murderers.”

I realize that the Democrats are taking comfort in the polls that show that whereas 65% of the people hold House Republicans responsible for the shutdown, only 50% lay the blame at Obama’s feet. They’re convinced it will lead to the Democrats retaking control of the House in 2014, enabling Obama to complete his mission of radically transforming America in his own disgusting image.

Now, if I were an extortionist, an arsonist or a hostage-taker, I would probably keep this to myself, but I’m not that sort of guy. The truth is that while everyone claims to hate Congress, they do not hate their own congressman, who happens to be the only member of the House they actually get to vote for. That is why the incumbent generally gets re-elected.

On the other hand, when half the people hold the president responsible for bad stuff, that tends to shred his coattails. Therefore, Democrats who’ll be running in 2014 would do well to realize that Obama will be gone two years hence, but if they keep pushing his loony agenda, they could be gone even sooner.

Also, it’s the president who gets tarred with a bad economy. The recession of 2008 was created by people like Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and Sen. Obama, but it was George Bush who got blamed and the Republicans who suffered the consequences.

In the meantime, Republican politicians would be wise to recall Reagan’s 11th Commandment, cautioning his colleagues not to speak ill of other Republicans. For one thing, a circular firing squad not only makes them look dumb, but it provides Democrats with a blood bath they can wallow around in, like pigs in mud. I know from my own experience that Republican politicians, by and large, are no smarter than the folks on the other side of the aisle, but there’s really no compelling reason to provide Democrats with sound bites to use in future elections.

When I state that Republicans are as dumb as Democrats, I don’t mean to suggest that they are equally vile. After all, in the same week that Obama decided that the federal government couldn’t possibly accommodate World War II veterans or pay death benefits to military widows, he decided it was essential to hand over 450 million tax dollars to continue funding NPR and PBS. From Obama’s point of view, it made perfect sense because both of those media entities are constantly promoting him and his agenda, whereas what the hell have old veterans and young widows ever done for him?

It was also the same week that Obama decided to deny money and military hardware to the Egyptian army. This was seen in Egypt, Israel and everywhere else in the Middle East, as Obama’s casting his lot with the Muslim Brotherhood.

That would certainly seem to be the logical conclusion. On the other hand, it could simply mean that he has the same contempt for Egypt’s military that he has for our own.

Politics, Guns & Surgery

One of the basic problems with those on the Left is that they become infatuated with certain words while choosing to ignore their meanings. For instance, one of their favorites is equality. Unfortunately, equality is merely a concept. No two individuals are really the same; human beings, after all, are not robots, although liberals come close. For sane people, equality translates to equality under the law and equal opportunity to achieve one’s goals.

For progressives, though, it doesn’t mean either of those things. To their way of thinking, it means equality of outcome. Nobody is supposed to be more talented, brighter or more successful, than anyone else. To their way of thinking, if you have a bigger house, a more expensive car and more money in the bank, it can’t be the result of greater effort on your part. The only answer is that you cheated the fellow who lives in a hovel, drives a wreck and relies on welfare to cover his expenses.

There is a reason, after all, that socialism has been defined as an economic system in which misery is shared equally, except by those who run the system.

I was surprised to read that Glenn Beck, in calling for Obama’s impeachment for sending arms to the Syrian jihadists, wrote: “We did not get into bed with Hitler to defeat Japan.” What he seems to have forgotten or chose to ignore is that FDR did get into bed with Stalin to defeat Germany.

In the meantime, Pope Francis, who talks as much nonsense as Juan Williams and Alan Colmes put together, told Europeans they should be more welcoming to Muslim immigrants because they are poor and needy. What he didn’t mention is that Muslims do not assimilate. They do not respect the laws, culture or traditions, of non-Muslims. Instead, they take advantage of all the tax-supported social services, which inevitably leads to their hosts becoming poor and needy.

Surely the pope must realize that being needy isn’t the same as being deserving. What’s more, being charitable doesn’t mean taking leave of one’s senses and prostrating oneself to one’s sworn enemies.

Chicago, it’s worth noting, is a gun-free zone, as is Washington, D.C., with some of the strictest gun control laws in the country. Through executive order, Bill Clinton made U.S. military bases gun-free zones. Yet, within a single week in September, over two dozen people were gunned down in those gun-free zones. The moral, as I see it, is that Obama, Feinstein and the rest of those 2nd Amendment-hating creeps whose own lives are protected by men with guns, should shut their hypocritical pie-holes.

It recently came to light that the USIS, a contractor that provides background checks for the federal government, okayed both Edward Snowden and mass murderer Aaron Alexis. But before anyone starts feeling too superior, keep in mind they had nothing to do with helping Obama, Biden, Pelosi, Reid, Waxman or Rangel, get or keep their jobs.

Not many people are aware of the fact that I once ran for president. Not of the United States, you understand, but of the Writers Guild. I didn’t really want the job, but I sure didn’t want the guy who had the job to win a third term. He saw his role as being the rubberstamp for the power-hungry executive director.

Possibly because I knew I didn’t have a chance, I was able to run the most honest campaign in the history of the Guild. For one thing, even though I had always been a freelancer because I didn’t want to get burned out writing for just one show, I told the Freelance Committee that I would do nothing to change the system in which most episodes were written by members of the staff. I explained that there were only about 24 episodes in a season. The Guild rate for an episode was about $13,000. Multiply that by 24 and you get $312,000. Even if you add a story editor, the total paid for writing services would only have amounted to about half a million bucks. However, a staff of six or seven could expect to be paid upwards of a million dollars; sometimes way upwards. How could I, in good conscience, insist they break up the staff system and only hire freelancers? Besides, the producer would still hire the same six or seven people to write the two dozen shows, but simply pay them less.

I also told the Minority Writers Committee that I did not believe that forcing producers to hire writers simply because they happened to be black, Hispanic, female or gay, was the American way. I told them that writing, like the world of professional sports, was one of the few places where people could excel on the basis of their own merits and had no need or right to demand employment on the basis of victimhood.

I still remember a friend and fellow member of the Writers Guild Board, David Rintels, following me into the men’s room one night during a Board meeting to apologize for not being able to support my candidacy. He said, “I believe the president has to be able to get along with the executive director, and I know you and Brian often butt heads.”

I told him he didn’t have to apologize over an honest difference of opinion. I told him I believed the executive director should have to get along with the president.

Needless to say, I was soundly defeated.

In closing, I wish to thank all of my readers who have written to let me know they hoped that the rheumatoid arthritis that has been plaguing my right wrist would get better. It hasn’t, and a recent MRI has confirmed that I also have torn tendons in my wrist.

I did see a surgeon who confirmed the bad news. But he did say that so long as I could bear the pain and discomfort, continue to wear the wrist brace and find some relief in Aleve, I shouldn’t rush into surgery.

On my way home, it occurred to me how wise I was to seek counsel from an elderly surgeon. You always stand to get honest advice from a guy who is too old to still be paying for his kids’ orthodontia and college tuition.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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