Monday, March 3, 2014


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by Burt Prelutsky

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I am not a warmonger, but isn’t Vladimir Putin just begging for a major slap-down? He has said that the worst event of the 20th century was the breakup of the Soviet Union, and he has done everything in his power to restore it to its former, let us say, gory.

He longs for the empire that had half of Europe under its heel and he yearns to be another Stalin, who was every bit a match for Hitler when it came to spilling human blood.

Putin invades Ukraine, and Barack Obama says “There will be costs.” Heck, Putin knows that there will be costs. It’s not cheap, after all, to invade another country. But it is clearly a price he is willing to pay, knowing full well that neither Obama nor any of the European pipsqueaks is likely to challenge him. But, then, neither are the Ukrainians. He sent a force of 2,000 Russian soldiers in to take control of two Ukrainian airports and the local radio and TV stations, and nobody even booed them.

Of course, Putin will say that Crimea, a district in the southern part of Ukraine, is connected historically and culturally to Russia, just as Hitler made a similar claim about the Sudetenland just before he annexed Czechoslovakia.

These events raise some important questions. For instance, what is the point of NATO or, for that matter, the U.S. military? Oh, I figure if Luxembourg invaded San Marino, it’s possible Germany, France, Italy, Spain and Greece, might take action, especially if they could then divide Luxembourg among themselves like a Christmas turkey. As for the U.S., so long as the sissy-in-chief remains in the Oval Office, I’d say there’s nothing to prevent Canada from invading us and planting the maple leaf on Capitol Hill.

I know I keep hearing that Americans are weary of war. I happen to believe we are weary of waging wars we have no intention of winning. So long as the only reason we have a nuclear arsenal is so that, depending on who the president happens to be, we can either brag about it or apologize for it, it’s a needless expense.

President Prelutsky would definitely use the bomb. As I see it, if Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan, wound up being large craters, it could only be an improvement, both politically and aesthetically.

But Prelutsky would also have a foreign policy that included political assassinations. There is no reason to go to war and needlessly lose tens of thousands of lives when it is perfectly feasible to achieve d├ętente by assassinating Putin, Assad, Kim Jung-un and the Ayatollah Khamenei. The only reason that we have been taught to reject such a notion is because national leaders are out to save their own bacon. After all, murders take place every minute of every day. The tragedy is that they are senseless and the victims are nearly always innocent and undeserving of such a cruel fate. But when it comes to bloodthirsty dictators, they are neither innocent nor undeserving. They are in fact asking for it, and to me it seems a shame not to give them what they have coming.

Moving on, if there is anything good to be said for the Affordable Care Act, it provides absolute proof that you can’t write and pass a 2,600 page bill and not create a monster of Frankenstinian proportions.

Brevity is an ideal rarely achieved. That is especially the case when it comes to federal legislation. If I were running things, I would make it a law that if a bill can’t be written in five pages or less, it is DOA and can’t even be brought to the floor for a vote. See, that only took 25 words.

I would also make it the law of the land that any bill passed by Congress and signed by the President would exempt neither them nor members of their staffs or families. That, alone, would prevent any number of two, three or four page bills from even seeing the light of day.

In case you haven’t noticed, judges are being even goonier than usual lately. In Montana, Judge G. Todd Baugh decided that a 47-year-old teacher should get off with a 30-day sentence for raping one of his students, a 14-year-old girl, because it struck the judge that she was old beyond her years, which is another way of saying she was asking for it.

Not to be outdone, a three member federal court of appeals upheld a lower court’s ruling that the school administrators at Live Oaks High, in Morgan Hill, CA, were acting lawfully when they insisted that a group of students who were wearing the American flag on their t-shirts had to turn their shirts inside out so as not to offend Hispanic students on Cinco de Mayo, the 1st Amendment be damned!

Apparently, liberal judges and school principals feel they are being courageous when they come down on patriotic displays in this fashion, but most of us understand that their displays of racial tolerance are actually ill-disguised acts of abject cowardice.

The fact is, the pimps that run Live Oaks were simply terrified that the Hispanic students would get violent, and God forbid that Hispanic students be suspended or even be lectured about what it means to be an American. As a public service, I, personally, would have provided the kids with maps showing them just how close the Mexican border is and the best route to take getting there.

Which reminds me, Oscar Wilde once observed: “In America, the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefit of their inexperience.”

The real shame is that ever since the 60s, when America’s youth proclaimed themselves the best, most decent, brightest and bravest, generation the world had ever seen, many older people, particularly liberals, have believed it.

Proof of the pudding can be seen in the White House, where the inevitable result of that sort of narcissistic self-delusion sits, twiddling his humongous thumbs while America sinks to economic, social and military defense, levels previously unknown and the rest of the world goes up in flames.

February's winner is David L. Ritter of Beaumont, Texas. A copy of "67 Conservatives..." is going out to him this afternoon.


There are times, I’m sure we’d all agree, when it seems that good news is a thing of the past. But if you look hard enough, sometimes you’ll spot a nugget. For instance, I recently learned that in Russia, 25% of the men die before the age of 55. That’s because, on average, their consumption of vodka is three half-liters of fermented potatoes every week. If my cavalier attitude strikes you as inhumane, I can only say that any nation that goes from Czar Nicholas to Joseph Stalin to Vladimir Putin in less than a hundred years doesn’t warrant anyone’s sympathy. So, bottom’s up, comrades.

You may have noticed that when they’re not calling conservatives racists, retards or homophobes, liberals like to say that we’re to the right of Genghis Khan, even though there was nothing even remotely conservative about the Mongol leader. But, following their example, I would suggest that conservatives begin referring to liberals as being to the left of National Socialist (Nazi) Adolf Hitler.

Closer to home, the NAACP continues to embarrass itself by calling itself the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, probably because if they changed it to African Americans, the group would be known, laughingly, as the NAAAA; and if they changed it to Blacks, it would be known as NAAB, which might be an embarrassing reminder that by the age of 23, 49% of black males have been arrested at least once.

In any case, when the North Carolina branch of the NAACP staged a march protesting voter I.D. legislation, they required, perhaps for no other reason than to provide me with a laugh,that those taking part present photo IDs. In other words, so far as they were concerned, marching was more important than voting. But that isn’t so far-fetched when you realize that those very same racially-insensitive photo IDs are required whenever people attend a Barack Obama fund-raiser or a Michelle Obama book-signing.

Speaking of the president, the good news is that his favorable poll numbers have dipped so low, they now resemble those of used car salesmen and the bubonic plague. Part of the reason for the overdue turnaround is that even Democrats don’t believe him when he denies that his IRS targeted conservative groups in order to improve his chances of being re-elected in 2012.

It now turns out, according to the folks at WorldNetDaily, that the IRS contracts with the Urban Institute, a group largely subsidized by George (“I’m not Satan, we’re merely close friends”) Soros, to process financial data filed by organizations with $50,000 or less, which would include most, if not all, Tea Party groups. For some reason, the image of foxes guarding chicken coops springs to mind.

The most recent bit of good news is that San Diego, having rid itself of Bob Filner, elected Kevin Faulconer, a Republican, to replace the liberal letch. However, while it’s great that San Diego is now the largest American city with a Republican mayor, before we break out the party hats and uncork the champagne, we should note that San Diego is only the eighth largest city in the nation.

Rand Paul, who has shown himself to be a master when it comes to political stunts, is convinced that he has the standing to bring a class action suit against Obama over the NSA. I wish him well, but I’m curious why he, Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio, don’t file a lawsuit against Obama on behalf of Americans who are having their health care dismantled on an hourly basis via executive fiat. I know I am far more concerned about having access to my doctor than I am about the feds possessing my phone number.

If the NSA is guilty of infringing on my 4th Amendment right to protection from unlawful search and seizure, surely there is more to fear from a president who feels he can trample on the Constitution and Congress with impunity, as he goes about, willy-nilly, creating and changing legislation to suit his mood and promote his partisan agenda.

Speaking of which, even I was blindsided when the Republicans in Congress demanded nothing in return for rubber-stamping Obama’s increasing our national debt. Just a few of the items that were being floated were restoring the recent cuts in military pensions; a reversal of the loony tax on medical instruments; a cut in the deficit; or even a refusal to bail out the insurance companies that will suffer inevitable losses, thanks to the misbegotten Affordable Care Act. Those are losses, by the way, they have coming because the greedy bastards did so much to promote ObamaCare, convinced it would fill their coffers with untold billions of dollars.

When the Republicans can’t even agree on something this basic, you have to begin getting used to the notion, as far-fetched as it might seem, that Hillary and Bill could soon be moving back to the White House.

Although the world of fashion is an alien planet so far as I’m concerned, even I sat up and paid attention when I heard that the gown Michelle Obama wore when she and Barack recently hosted those other notable Socialists, the First Couple of France, at a state dinner, cost $15,000! That, by the way, is $510 above the official poverty level in America.

When asked if she didn’t think it was a bit unseemly to display such extravagance when millions of Americans are unemployed and half the nation was suffering through the cruelest winter in recent history, she is rumored to have said, “Let them eat crepes.” At least it sounded like “crepes.”

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?

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