Wednesday, July 30, 2014

"Who Are These People?" and "Alas, Poor Obama, I Knew Him Well"

Sometimes, as I take in the passing scene, I find myself wondering if I went to sleep on earth and woke up on some other planet. And, mind you, it’s not just the politicians who are giving me this queasy feeling.

For instance, Eric and Charlotte Kaufman are apparently the kind of people who are the envy of other couples in their circle. I can hear the wives in that circle looking disdainfully at their own husbands and saying, “Why can’t you be more like Eric? Why don’t you ever decide to take us on a 3,000 mile sailing voyage? You’re such an old stick-in-the mud.”

The husbands are now in a position to give their wives the horselaugh because when the Kaufmans decided to sail from Mexico to New Zealand, they also decided to take their one-year-old twin daughters along. Not too surprisingly, one of the little girls took sick 900 miles out, and the Kaufmans had to be rescued at sea at a cost to California’s taxpayers of $663,000!

Once on dry land, Mrs. Kaufman, defending herself against those who called her a lousy mother, said, “Kids get sick.” She seemed unaware that she was actually making the case for those of us who regarded them as a pair of irresponsible dunderheads. Kids do get sick. With annoying regularity, I would add. That is why normal people with little kids take them to the park or the zoo. Where they don’t take them is on a 3,000 mile ocean voyage in a sailboat just so that their friends will gush, “Those Kaufmans sure are a fun couple.”

While we’re on this subject, I think that anyone, with or without kids in tow, who gets it into his head to sail around the world or climb a mountain should be compelled to take out the appropriate insurance, so that innocent taxpayers don’t get stuck having to foot the bill to finance rescue operations. If you require an adrenaline rush to make your life worth living, it’s no business of mine, just so long as I don’t have to pay for the helicopters and the brave crews who are going to have to risk their necks to save your silly one.

Another example of a civilian behaving as foolishly as a politician was the guy who fell asleep at a baseball game and is now suing ESPN because when he was caught snoozing on camera, the broadcasters made a few jokes at his expense. He is suing for $10 million because of the emotional distress he was caused.

Of course he won’t win, but imagine the precedent if he did, and everyone who ever fell asleep at a baseball game decided to sue. I mean, so what if ESPN broadcasters didn’t humiliate you on national TV? It’s possible you were hit with a bag of peanuts thrown by a vendor or spilled a cup of your over-priced beer while sawing logs. The problem, as even the greediest shyster will acknowledge, is that everyone knows that falling asleep at a baseball game is the real national pastime.

But when dealing with the loons of America, you can only go so long without mentioning politicians. So let us consider Harry Reid. In the wake of the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision, when the majority had the gall to rule that religious rights still exist in America, Sen. Reid declared: “The one thing we’re going to do during this work period, sooner rather than later, is to ensure that women’s lives are not determined by virtue of five white men.” I understand that as Senate majority leader, Reid has a great deal of authority, but not even he has the power to turn Justice Clarence Thomas into a Caucasian.

Although a genuine contender, Reid can’t really rival Obama when it comes to abusing logic and ignoring reality. This is the bloke, after all, who defended trading five major Islamic terrorists for one Army deserter with the high-sounding “America brings all of its soldiers home.” What he neglected to add were the words “Except for one Marine rotting in a stinking Mexican jail.”

The message we should all take away from Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi’s nightmarish imprisonment is that Mexico remains a third world cesspool. Why any American would go there of his own free will is beyond me. Frankly, I think I’d rather sail off to New Zealand with the Kaufmans.

After the bloody July 4th weekend shootings in Chicago left dozens of people wounded or dead, I fully expected to hear that huge numbers of children from that war zone were showing up in Guatemala, Salvador and Honduras, seeking refugee status.

Obama went to Texas and the only politician willing to be seen with him was a Republican governor. Then he went to Colorado, where the incumbent Democrat running for governor and the incumbent Democrat running for the Senate insisted they were too busy to even show up for the fund-raisers he was hosting on their behalf.

It’s disgraceful. The Democrats are treating the president the way cheating husbands treat their mistresses in public. That is except for Bill Clinton, who famously gave Monica Lewinsky a big squeeze in front of the White House, and, of course, Chris Christie who got tongues wagging when he gave Obama an even bigger squeeze in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

It’s not widely known, but a man posing as Barack Obama was recently discovered in Texas. He looked and even sounded exactly like the president, but he gave himself away when he declined to visit the border by saying, “I’m not interested in photo ops. I’m interested in solving a problem.”

Then, with everyone within earshot doubled over with laughter, he scooted off and was next spotted shooting a game of pool in Colorado.

For many years, I was a Democrat. I used to hear that rich people were all Republicans and I believed it. God knows I’m still hearing it. And assuming it’s true, what I want to know is why all those damn Republicans keep showing up at these endless $30,000-a plate fund-raisers for Barack Obama!

"Alas, Poor Obama, I Knew Him Well"

I realize that conservatives like to take pot shots at Obama over his constantly flying off to engage in fund-raising events. Heck, I enjoy taking those pot shots as much as anyone. In fact, some days it’s the only exercise I get. But we should always engage in fair play. In that spirit, I must ask, channeling my inner Hillary, what difference, at this point, does it make where he is? After all, he needn’t be in the Oval Office or in the White House Rose Garden in order to say, “I can’t comment in the midst of an ongoing investigation “ or “Let’s not get in front of the facts” or “I’m going to hold my breath until President Putin decides he’s tired of being isolated by the global community.”

In one of my favorite movies, “The Princess Bride,” the villain, Vizzini’s comment after every exasperating setback is “Inconceivable.” After several such utterances, the gallant swordsman, Inigo Montoya, is finally moved to say: “I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” So it is that every single time I hear Obama refer to this mystical world community that exists only in his pointy head, I imagine Senor Montoya suggesting that the term doesn’t mean what Obama seems to think it means.

This wonderful community that Obama refers to as if it were a heavenly host located here on earth consists of China, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iran, Venezuela, Syria, Yemen, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, North Korea, Gaza and all those sniveling nations in Europe, who live in fear of Russia’s refusing to sell them oil and gas. The sad truth is that if you counted up the nations that are either allies or dependents of Russia, they would far out-number those committed to the spite of the countless bribes we bestow on our sworn enemies.

If you want to see the world community in all its glory, just take a look at the United Nations, an organization so morally bankrupt that if the Mafia were a nation, the chances are it would refuse to join, lest its reputation be tainted by association.

As for Obama, he recently went on record as favoring statehood for Washington, D.C. There is no other reason for such a proposal except that it would mean two additional senators under Harry Reid’s control. In much the same way, the Catholic Church can always be counted on to encourage illegal aliens to sneak across our border, something the Church would never condone if those violating our sovereignty were Protestants or Jews.

The more I hear about all those innocent civilians in Gaza being killed by Israelis, acting in response to the Palestinians’ constant shelling of Israel, the more I want to scream. Those so-called innocent civilians not only elected to be governed by Hamas, a group of sub-humans sworn to exterminate the Jews, but then went along with having their children used as human shields simply to provide the terrorists with the little battered bodies they use as propaganda tools.

On top of that, I have to keep listening to left-wing politicians and media pundits referring to civilian casualties in Gaza. Inasmuch as the creeps firing missiles non-stop into Israel refuse to wear uniforms, they are all technically civilians, at least according to the Jew-haters in our midst.

I trust nobody was too surprised that Obama decided to provide Iran with another four months of pointless negotiations, along with releasing a few billion dollars in frozen assets. If the outcome didn’t promise to be horrific, I would probably be amused by the way the mullahs play us and the Europeans for suckers. Even though the game is rigged, we in the West continue playing strip poker with Islamic card sharks. By this time, they have taken just about everything we have, including John Kerry’s skivvies and Angela Merkel’s girdle.

Is it only my imagination or is this administration only concerned with religious persecution when the victims are the followers of Allah? In fact, even the murders of Christians and Jews, and the wholesale destruction of churches in the Middle East, seems to pale in importance when compared to the bruised feelings of a few American Muslims.

I don’t happen to believe that it is the government’s job to provide charity in any form. But I understand that there are millions of Americans, generally of the liberal persuasion, who seem to think that is the federal government’s primary purpose even though there is no mention of it in the Constitution. Therefore, doesn’t it behoove Obama to point out to those attending his frequent fund-raisers that they could have provided a year’s worth of hot meals for a dozen homeless people for the same $35,000 they coughed up to listen to one of his usual self-serving bullshit speeches?

So much for the redistribution of wealth malarkey!

Finally, a friend of mine likes to quote George Will’s line that people should only speak if in doing so they improve on the silence. It brings to mind that Obama and his gang of criminal accomplices rode to power by promising to radically transform America. As we’ve seen over the past six years –both domestically and on the world stage – it’s not a good idea to change something unless you can improve upon it.

What Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Sebelius, Kerry, Hagel and Holder, have done by way of transforming America is comparable to calling in a graffiti vandal to spray paint a mustache on the Mona Lisa or asking a bull to redesign a china shop.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?