Friday, September 12, 2014

Biden, Baloney & Beheadings


On the chance that for one reason or another Hillary Clinton decides not to run in 2016, Joe Biden wants us all to know that, after spending most of his adult life at the public trough, he is willing to sacrifice his golden years to being president. It’s worth noting that he would be 72 years old when he’d move into the White House, meaning he would be 80 when he moved out. One look at Obama’s white hair should remind everyone that even a president who’s always taking off for Martha’s Vineyard or Hawaii, seems to age at supernatural speed.

Inasmuch as I’m 74, I wouldn’t want to hold his age against him, especially when there are so many other, even more compelling, reasons Biden shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the Oval Office, even as a member of a tour group.

For one thing, although he was sold to us in 2008 as a man with a great deal of experience when it came to foreign affairs, as a senator he was inevitably wrong. And for the past six years, his chief function was cheerleading for the worst president in U.S. history. Will any of us ever forget the moment when the biggest potty-mouth in Washington leaned in close to Obama’s left ear and told him that the Affordable Care Act was “a big f-----g deal!”

In “The First Family Detail,” Ron Kessler’s latest book about the Secret Service, Kessler reminds us that in 2011, Obama put Biden in charge of cutting government waste. As executive decisions go, that ranks right up there with putting a fox in charge of the White House chicken coop. At least a fox wouldn’t cost taxpayers a quarter of a million dollars a year flying between the coop in Washington, D.C., and his den in Wilmington, Delaware. Furthermore, I very much doubt that -- unlike Biden -- any self-respecting fox would charge the Secret Service $2,200-a-month for the cottage that the agents assigned to protect him are forced to rent.

This is the same vice-president who spent Labor Day telling UAW members in Detroit: “It’s time to take back America.” His rallying cry drew predictable cheers from the assembled louts. But how is it possible that not even one person in the crowd raised his hand and asked, “Do you mean take it back from you and Obama?”

A Missouri state senator, Jamilah Nasheed, has been all over TV, insisting that Robert McCulloch can’t be trusted to prosecute the Michael Brown case for the novel reason that he didn’t win a majority of the black vote. I found that fascinating because Barack Obama didn’t win the majority of the white vote in 2008 or 2012. In fact, no Democratic presidential candidate has done so since LBJ back in 1964, which explains the Democrats’ endless pandering to black voters during the half century since then.

One of my readers, Penny Alfonso, has suggested that one of the most over-used expressions in America is the one that goes “We need to have a national conversation about (race) (guns) (police violence),” pointing out that, in spite of what Eric Holder claims to the contrary, we already have these conversations. They take place all the time at dinner tables, in the workplace, in taverns, ballparks and churches.

The fact is I hear from more people than most congressmen. What’s more, they hear back from me. In my experience, writing to one’s representative is a waste of a postage stamp. You either get a canned one-size-fits-all-occasions note or nothing at all.

Generally, when people call for a national conversation, they, like Attorney General Holder mean, shut up, listen to my litany of grievances, apologize for being (a racist), (a misogynist), (a homophobe), (a patriotic gun owner) or (a Christian) and admit the error of your ways.

Equally annoying is the statement to which so many members of this sleazy administration are addicted: “I can’t possibly comment in the midst of an ongoing investigation.”

Frankly, I don’t know why people decide to run off and be war correspondents, but I would suggest that anyone who decides that his destiny demands that he venture into Middle East conflicts pack a poison pill along with his toilet paper and bottled water. It would sure beat getting beheaded by some Muslim creep. And it certainly makes for a better obituary than one that happens to mention that your last words were propaganda statements attacking America.

Speaking of the Middle East, the king of Saudi Arabia recently said that people shouldn’t support terrorists. I’m not sure if you file that one under Irony or Hypocrisy. After all, the Saudi royal family has been paying off Muslim extortionists for decades in the hope that the Islamic alligators will eat them last.

Between Russia, China, North Korea, Iran and Syria, the world has become a very wicked place. But the truth is that since 1988, we’ve elected two Bushes, one Clinton and an Obama. So not only haven’t we been part of the solution, we’ve been a major part of the problem. I would suggest that you’d do better than that quartet by randomly picking four names out of the phonebook.

And as much joy as I get from kicking Obama in the shins every chance I get, and ridiculing his constant need to be playing golf and attending fundraisers, the only people I know who think they’re entitled to take five week summer vacations are the French and the members of Congress.

But at least the French know how to speak French, whereas most members of Congress can barely ask for directions to the bathroom in English.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.


CLICK HERE TO GO TO BURT'S BOOKSTORE