Friday, October 31, 2014

"America Is Tied To The Train Tracks" and "Anti-Semites & Other Ignoramuses"

During the silent movie era, every villain eventually tied every heroine to the railroad tracks. Just in the nick of time, the hero would gallop up on horseback and free her just before the 4:20 out of Joplin came barreling through. Once in a while, it would be Rin Tin Tin who untied the knots with his teeth, a trick not even Tom Mix ever mastered.

These days, the progressives have hogtied America and it grows increasingly unlikely that either man or beast would be able to rescue her.

Judging by an article titled “Readin’, Writin’ and Social Justice Agitatin’,” written by Michelle Malkin, it appears that our schools are even in worse shape than most of us imagined. In cities across the nation, magnet schools whose curriculum is geared to promoting “social justice” have begun springing up. Their mission statements read like something out of the Saul Alinsky playbook, mired with such brain-numbing verbiage as “helping students to develop the necessary skills to analyze and synthesize information and to generate empathy by looking to multiple sides of important issues facing the world, be that hunger, water quality, racial barriers, child labor or imbalance of power.”

In other words, these schools are looking to make certain that America never lacks for clones of Barack Obama. Imagine a generation of youngsters coming of age with a belief that America and capitalism are evil, collectivism is good. The only good thing about these schools is that the kids will be somewhat handicapped in life by the fact that they won’t be able to read, write or do math.

There are so many things that are rotten about liberals, running the gamut from their arrogance to the foolishness of their ideas, from their love of chanting while marching around in circles carrying placards bearing simple-minded slogans to their lack of historical knowledge, that it’s hard to decide which of their failings is worst. But if forced to pick just one, I’d probably go with hypocrisy.

After all, it shouldn’t be too much to ask for a little consistency between their words and their actions. I mean, really, shouldn’t a professor who spends his class time railing against capitalism have his salary slashed to the bone? Shouldn’t a Caucasian journalist who constantly harps on the disadvantages faced by minorities have to surrender his job to a black or a Hispanic? Shouldn’t women who claim men should have no say when it comes to female reproductive rights insist that Roe v. Wade, which was made the law of the land by an all-male Supreme Court, be reversed? And shouldn’t liberal pinheads who label cops bigoted goons be denied the right to call them in an emergency?

In case you’re one of those people who wonder why it is that so many Hollywood actors and actresses seem so loony, a partial answer may be found in the fact that Michelle Pfeiffer, Tom Cruise, Rose McGowan, River and Joaquin Phoenix, Glenn Close and John Travolta, were all raised or have spent years in very peculiar cults. And in this instance, I’m not referring to the Democratic Party.

As a Jew, it is a source of great shame that there are about 35 Jews in Congress and now that Eric Cantor is gone, every single one of them is a left-wing moron. And when you realize how much power and seniority people like Dianne Feinstein, Brad Sherman, Chuck Schumer, Barbara Boxer, Henry Waxman, Richard Blumenthal, Carl Levin, Bernie Sanders, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Al Franken, have, you can’t help thinking how much good they could have done if they’d all been brought up as Republicans. So I blame the parents.

In case you missed the news, Obama picked Ron Klain to be the Ebola Response Coordinator. When you realize this is the same bumpkin who appointed the likes of Hillary Clinton, Chuck Hagel, John Kerry, Rahm Emanuel, Kathleen Sebelius, Eric Shenseki, Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor, Valerie Jarrett and Eric Holder, to positions of authority, it’s not too surprising that Obama chose a guy with no medical experience to be the Ebola czar.

However, when you know something about Mr. Klain’s background, you’ll better understand how he got the job. Twenty years ago, Klain was Janet Reno’s chief of staff. He’s also the political hack who greased the rails so that the extremely partisan Ruth Bader Ginsburg had no trouble at all moving from her controversial job as chief counsel for the ACLU straight to the Supreme Court.

Finally, Mr. Klain has served as an advisor to Vice President Al Gore and was Vice President Joe Biden’s chief of staff.

Actually when you think about it, a political operative who has spent most of his adult life in close proximity to the likes of Janet Reno, the Clintons, Al Gore and Joe Biden, may be just the person to be point man when it comes to dealing with toxic organisms.

Finally, a reader, Robert Thomason, sent me an email in which he opined that whether it’s at the top of the GOP ticket or in second position, there’s a strong possibility that Jeb Bush, whom neither of us favor, would be on it in 2016.

When Thomason explained that since 1928, the GOP had not won a single presidential election that didn’t have either Nixon or someone named Bush on board, my first response was that he was nuts. But after running the past 23 elections through my head, I realized that the only ones the Republicans had won were in ’52 and ’56 (Eisenhower & Nixon), ’68 and ’72 (Nixon & Agnew), ‘80 and ’84 (Reagan & Bush), ’88 (Bush & Quayle), ’00 and ’04 (Bush & Cheney).

The oddest thing of all is that most of us are unaware of the fact that royalty is apparently alive and well in America.

Anti-Semites & Other Ignoramuses

As is usually the case, the mainstream media ignored what in a different time would have been a major news story. It seems that in Valenton, a city on the outskirts of Paris, the French once again took the opportunity to display its legendary hatred of Jews by naming a street in honor of Marwan Barghouti, a Palestinian terrorist serving time for murdering five Israelis.

They weren’t even dissuaded by the fact that a couple of his victims had been born in France. But, then, like the Nazis with whom so many Frenchmen collaborated during WWII, the prevailing attitude is that you can be either French or Jewish, but you can’t be both.

It seems that Mr. Barghouti had already been granted honorary French citizenship by a large number of French towns and cities. So far as the French are concerned, Barghouti is a liberator, which is exactly how millions of their fathers and grandfathers regarded Hitler.

In somewhat related news, a Palestinian recently murdered a Jewish baby in Jerusalem. Naturally, I blame the killer, but I also blame the Israeli government. It seems that the killer had already served time for terrorist activity, but had been released. So long as Israel doesn’t make terrorist activity a capital offense, the politicians should be held accountable for all such acts of recidivism.

In Canada, a few days after one Muslim crashed his car into two Canadian soldiers, killing one, another shot and killed a second Canadian soldier and then attempted to shoot up Parliament. Fortunately, the sergeant-at-arms, a former police officer, shot and killed him before he could add to his Islamic resume.

The facts are these: one, the shooter had changed his name from Michael Joseph Hall to Michael Zehaf-Bibeau; two, he had converted to Islam, and three, ISIL had recently transmitted orders to the Islamic faithful to murder as many soldiers in Canada and the U.S. as possible. And yet, the politicians and their craven allies in the media once again pretended that a jihadist’s motives were unknown.

Closer to home, we have been bombarded with tributes to newspaper editor Ben Bradlee, who had just died at the age of 93. Most of the gushing involved his time at the Washington Post when he oversaw the work by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein during their endless coverage of the Watergate scandal.

Having been in my 30s at the time, I felt it was a molehill of a story that would have stayed that size if Richard Nixon hadn’t allowed his ego and paranoia to turn it into a Mt. Everest-sized scandal.

It seems that a few political operatives decided to burgle the office of the Democratic National Committee in the Watergate complex. Why anyone was curious what a party on the verge of losing a presidential election by 18 million votes, and an Electoral College margin of 520-17, was up to is a mystery for the ages. If Nixon had been half as smart as people claimed he was, all he needed to do was insist he knew nothing about what the Five Stooges had been up to, and that would have been the end of it. But, of course, being a politician, his instinct was to deny, lie and cover up.

But even back then, I couldn’t figure out why Bradlee, Woodward and Bernstein, were being hailed for their courage. As an editor and reporters, they risked nothing and stood to gain fame, fortune and the ability to brag that they’d brought down a president. The one person at the Post who risked anything was the publisher, Katharine Graham. She was the only one of the four who stood to lose friends and social standing because in her circle, unlike theirs, Richard Nixon was a popular president and not the sewer rat that editorial cartoonist Herblock had been portraying him as for the previous quarter century.

Usually when people quote Santayana’s line about those who fail to learn from history being doomed to repeat it, they’re referring to ancient history. But it seems that some of us have memories that are so short they could dance under a table wearing a top hat. I refer to the scary fact that in just the past two years, eight different states have made it possible for people with terrible credit scores to buy homes with minimum down payments.

I’m sure that those of you old enough to remember all the way back to the 2008 bursting of the real estate bubble are scratching your heads. But the explanation is quite predictable. It seems that the consumer loan industry has gone on a bribing binge. As I said, so far it has worked in eight states. If your state isn’t one of them, it’s safe to assume it soon will be. State legislators really hate being left out in the cold when the slop is being tossed to the other pigs.

Speaking of swine, it seems that, according to Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton, the greatest threat facing us isn’t Ebola, ISIL, Vladimir Putin, the Iranian mullahs or even Jim Carrey movies; it’s income inequality.

As silly as that sounds, what’s even sillier is that those sounding the alarm, namely, Obama, Reid, Pelosi and Clinton, are all multimillionaires, all very comfortably –even luxuriously – ensconced within the 1%, the very group that Democrats never tire of demonizing.

Of course it also happens to be the only group in America that can afford those endless $35,000-a-plate dinners Obama spends his non-golfing days attending.

It’s no surprise that Democratic big wigs are hypocrites and that they lie, sometimes it seems, just to stay in practice. But what I don’t understand is why all the Democratic little wigs pretend not to notice.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Rinos Are Not The Enemy

Because it is once again election season, I am hearing from a great many people who sincerely believe RINO is the vilest of all four-letter words. The weird thing is that although I am about as conservative as a person can be, I wind up spending an inordinate amount of time defending them.

I understand that people who take their conservative politics and values seriously wish every Republican did the same, and resent those who don’t. But we are Republicans and therefore, unlike liberals, we are not all the end result of the cookie cutter. It is easy for Democrats to line up in a very neat row because they all subscribe to the same talking points. For instance, they believe that a massive federal government collecting a massive amount of tax dollars, running up a massive debt and controlling everything from the economy to education, from health care to the climate, is the answer to every problem.

In spite of the fact that states that allow their citizens to carry concealed weapons have lower crime rates, liberals are convinced that the Second Amendment should be made null and void. In spite of falling temperatures, they believe that Al Gore’s warnings about global warming are as close to gospel as they care to get. In spite of his lies about ObamaCare, Benghazi, the IRS and Ebola, they are convinced that Obama is an honest man.

Furthermore, they believe that the Republican House is filled with obstructionists who stay awake nights trying to figure out ways to thwart the people's’ will in spite of the fact that Harry Reid stops every House bill in its tracks, refusing to even allow the other 99 members the opportunity to do what they’re paid to do; namely, vote.

My defense of RINOS doesn’t mean I share their views, it means I am enough of a realist to recognize that ours is not a conservative nation, and probably hasn’t been one since the days of Calvin Coolidge, and that our real choice is between the zealots for socialism who infest the Democratic Party and those who constitute the only buffer we have against them.

Again, I understand that some people hate to confront reality and prefer to say that both parties are the same, and if there isn’t a Ted Cruz or a Mike Lee on the ballot, they prefer to stay home on Election Day, indulging in the luxury of feeling themselves superior. Which would be bad enough, but they then spend the next two, four, six or eight years, whining about how the liberals are ruining the country.

Recently, a reader wrote to complain about Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, and wondering how these two dullards came to be the face and voice of the Party. Frankly, I told him, I had no idea. But my theory has always been that the parties came to an agreement at some point, and that if the Democrats picked the putrid likes of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, the GOP would try to play fair by selecting McConnell and Boehner. Naturally, the Democrats complained that even McConnell and Boehner looked good by comparison, but the Republicans said that was the best they could do unless the Democrats would agree to lend them Charlie Rangel and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

Another reader, a veteran, wrote to say that he had donated to Wounded Warriors, but was shocked to discover that the group’s CEO was being paid $360,000-a-year. I let him know that, with the possible exception of the person heading up the Salvation Army, the CEOs of major charities will often make a million dollars a year. I admitted to often wondering how it was that Wounded Warriors was able to afford to advertise every single day on Fox News.

For my part, I have always preferred charity that was as close to one-to-one as possible. I know that I personally would prefer to help a deserving individual than to give money to an organization that has a massive overhead that includes pricey administrators, offices, furniture, staff and an advertising department. It explains why this past election season, I donated directly to a few Senate campaigns, but not to the RNC.

Just recently, I discovered that Houston, Texas, has a lesbian mayor, Annise D. Parker. As a rule, one’s sexual proclivity might not be anybody’s business, but Mayor Parker made it everybody’s when she decided to subpoena the sermons of several local pastors so she could determine if they were speaking out against homosexual activity or saying things that might offend the transgender crowd. As she saw it, if they were engaging in what she determined to be political matters, they could be risking their church’s immunity from the tax collector.

It seems that Mayor Parker is unaware of the fact that sexuality, for better or worse, has been a legitimate concern of Christian pastors at least since the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. It’s only been in recent years that liberals have managed to turn these matters into political fodder as they’ve gone trolling for votes and financial support in some very peculiar places.

Yet at the same time that Christian pastors are being hassled, Muslim ministers go their merry way, indoctrinating our prison population, long an ideal recruiting ground, particularly among black inmates, for Islamic terrorists.

In the meantime, our State Department, which often seems to get its marching orders from our sworn enemies in the Middle East, endorsed a Muslim handbook that promotes Sharia law and refers to jihad as a noble pursuit.

I was recently addressing a Republican group here in the San Fernando Valley. During the Q&A session, one woman asked me how I felt about the political future of this country. I told her that based on what I know about human beings, I tend to be pessimistic. On the other hand, I confessed, I can’t help being optimistic because when all is said and done I’m an American.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, October 27, 2014

"It's A Mad, Mad, Mad World" and "Sour Notes At The Met"

It just recently came to light that back in February, Joe Biden’s son, Hunter, was booted out of the Navy Reserve when he tested positive for cocaine. A great many people wrote, wondering how it was that the media didn’t cover the story.

When I actually delved into it, I discovered that Biden’s daughter, Ashley, was busted by the narcs back in 2009, and that story has been buried even deeper and for more years.

It would be bad enough if the media decided that what the children of politicians did was nobody’s business, even though that would mean that the kids received all the perks that go with being the son or daughter of a senator, a vice president or a president, but had no reason to fear their dirty laundry would be exposed. But the sad truth is that the media plays favorites, depending on whether the parent is a Republican or a Democrat. As you may have noticed, when George Bush was in the White House, the media delighted in letting us know about every stupid thing his young daughters did, and the twins Jenna and Barbara were barely 20 when he was elected, and one of the things they didn’t do was cocaine.

They even went after Sarah Palin’s daughter when Sarah was John McCain’s running mate in 2008 and Bristol was still a teenager.

On the other hand, when Ashley Biden was busted in 2009, she was 28 years old and Hunter was all of 43 when he got kicked out of the Navy Reserve, but the media treated them as if they were a couple of innocent young squirts whose futures they had to protect.

As of this moment, Ebola has killed two Americans, the same number of Americans that the butchers in Iraq have beheaded, and yet Obama has sent 3,000 soldiers (otherwise known as 6,000 boots on the ground) to West Africa and none to confront ISIS. It must occur even to the nitwit in the White House that sending troops to Ebola Central serves no purpose other than to increase the odds of Ebola killing a great many more Americans in the future.

Lest anyone think that ours is the only government controlled by boobs, the British Parliament just voted 274-12 to pass a motion recognizing an Arab state alongside Israel. Right, as if what the world needs is one more barbaric nation that can join the U.N. and vote against us on an hourly basis.

Although the vote was only symbolic, it shows that the Brits are ready to recognize the legitimacy of Islamic terrorists whose approach to peaceful relations with Israel consists of raining down thousands of missiles on Jewish civilians, and who occasionally break up the monotony of beheading Americans by beheading Englishmen.

I have heard from a great many of the 150 people who responded to my recent poll by saying that even if the GOP took control of the Senate, it wouldn’t make any difference. It seems they took offense to my describing them as misguided. I obviously anticipated that would be the case, but how could I do otherwise when I honestly believe they are misguided?

I thought it was telling that even in their angry rebuttals, most of them didn’t bother refuting my contention that even if all a Republican Senate did was force Obama to veto House bills instead of leaving it up to Harry Reid to bury them, and that, even more importantly, would prevent Obama from sticking any more Kagans and Sotomayors on the Supreme Court, it would be, in the immortal words of Joe Biden, “a big (#&%@*$*%#) deal!”

One of the sorriest aspects of what the liberals have been able to do, mainly through a corrupt education system, is convince America’s youth that they are smarter, wiser and more decent, than other people. As you may have noticed, most students don’t take science and math, but they consider themselves experts when it comes to global warming. Most of them don’t study economics, but they know corporations are evil and raising the minimum wage is good. They barely know how to read and they get their news from Bill Maher and Jon Stewart, but they know that conservatives are out to destroy the world and only they can save it.

Finally, for all of Harry Reid’s complaints about wealthy Republicans like the Koch brothers destroying democracy by supporting GOP candidates, year in and year out, the Democrats out-spend the GOP, and this year is no exception. By November 4th, the two parties will have shelled out about a billion dollars to get their people elected, with the Democrats outspending the Republicans by roughly $100 million, and, God willing, having far less to show for it.

Even liberals had to be embarrassed when it came out that one of Obama’s major donors is a guy actually named Richie Richman. Believe me, if Richie were a Republican, David Letterman would never stop teasing him and wondering if he has a brother named Fat Cat.

Sour Notes At The Met

As the old joke has it, a tourist asks a New Yorker how to get to the Met, and the wiseacre responds: “Practice, practice, practice.” These days, thanks to a few screwballs inhabiting the opera world, the answer is “First kill an old Jew on the high seas.”

To get the full story, we have to go back to 1985 when Leon and Marilyn Klinghoffer decided to take an ocean cruise to celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary aboard an Italian liner called the Achille Lauro, having no idea that along with the buffet and shuffleboard, the cruise would include four members of the Palestine Liberation Front.

Once on the high seas, the terrorists hijacked the ship and demanded it sail to Syria. They also demanded that Israel release 50 of their fellow swine. After Syria refused to allow the ship to dock, they went on to Port Said in Egypt. But along the way, they decided it would please Allah if they killed Mr. Klinghoffer, who was 69 and confined to a wheelchair. They shot him and had his body tossed overboard.

In the immediate aftermath, a spokesman for the group suggested that Mrs. Klinghoffer, who would die of colon cancer just four months later, had killed her husband for the insurance money. But, on second thought, the PLO quickly scuttled that story, refusing to give up its bragging rights so easily. After all, if a Jew was killed, they naturally wanted all the glory for themselves.

After the ship docked, the hijackers escaped in a jet. Unfortunately for them, Ronald Reagan, not Barack Obama, was in the White House at the time and he ordered a U.S. fighter plane to force the getaway plane down in Italy, where the hijackers were arrested.

Inevitably, a composer named, of all things, John Adams decided to turn the gruesome event into an opera, which not too surprisingly in this day and age set out to show the human side of the Islamic butchers. Just as predictably, New York’s Metropolitan Opera decided to schedule the production.

Because of the subject matter, suddenly even people who can’t tell their Puccini from their spumoni were paying attention to opera. What’s more, it seemed to split Manhattan down the middle. On the one hand, you had the former mayor, Rudy Giuliani, leading a demonstration against the “The Death of Klinghoffer.” On the other hand, you had Mayor Bill De Blasio, an unrepentant Communist and all-around knucklehead, insisting that Giuliani and his fellow protestors were acting in an un-American manner, while neglecting to mention what was un-American about exercising their First Amendment right to demonstrate peacefully.

It is invariably goofballs on the Left who seem to forget that the First Amendment provides for free speech, but does not deprive others of their right to disagree with that which is spoken. It also guarantees Americans the inalienable right to compare De Blasio to the hindquarters of a particularly unattractive horse.

It’s not too surprising that among the fashionable opening night crowd at the Met was Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. So far as I know, she did not offer a judgment of either the production or of De Blasio’s comment.

In other news, it seems that the teacher’s unions have donated over $80 million to the Democrats this year. As near as I can determine, there are roughly four million teachers in those unions. That works out to $20-per-teacher. If I were in the union, and even if I were a Democrat, I believe I would be very vocal about the misuse of my dues. Inasmuch as we are always hearing that schools can’t afford to devote class time to art or music, how about chipping in some of that $80 million to help solve the problem?

As you may have noticed, Monica Lewinsky, 41, is back in the news. I swear she’s harder to get rid of than crabgrass. After listening to this perennial adolescent prattle on about how the media ruined her life, it seems she hasn’t learned anything since the day she mastered the art of not gagging while engaged in oral sex. I have an open mind, though. If Ms. Lewinsky can explain exactly how the media managed to get her under Bill Clinton’s desk in the first place, I’ll take her complaints seriously.

The cynicism on the Left probably reaches its apex when it comes to the use of photo IDs when it comes to voting. The Democrats keep promoting the fiction that it serves no other purpose but to disenfranchise minority voters. When it’s pointed out that the same IDs are required to buy booze, board planes, cash checks or enter any venue at which one or both of the Obamas are in attendance, their only response is to repeat the silly lie.

Democrats also claim that Republicans exaggerate the actual amount of voter fraud taking place, whereas Republicans point out that even if it only happens once, it’s once too often because it serves to offset a legitimate vote.

In speaking about the subject, Brit Hume, usually the reliable voice of commonsense at Fox, suggested that the two parties should strive to achieve a compromise. When I heard that, I had to blink to make sure that Juan Williams, the living equivalent of a lawn jockey at Fox, wasn’t throwing his voice.

Inasmuch as Brit Hume didn’t indicate what such a compromise would look like, I could only picture voters showing up at their polling places carrying an Etch-a-Sketch of themselves.

Finally, a friend sent me an email in which she suggested that one way to protect her home would be to tear out the alarm system and, instead, place a few black ISIS flags in the front yard, thus guaranteeing that the local cops, the FBI and Homeland Security, would keep their collective eyes on her property 24/7.

I let her know that I get the same results by having an American flag next to the front door and an “Anyone but Hillary” sign in my front yard.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, October 24, 2014

Invitation To A Tea Party

Recently, my wife told me to stop picking on the Tea Party. Frankly, I was taken aback that after six books and 1500 articles espousing my conservative beliefs, not to mention 29 years of marriage, I would be accused of attacking those with whom I tended to agree.

But Yvonne’s words gave me pause and made me think about it. I had to admit that on a couple of occasions I had admitted that I couldn’t stand listening to Sarah Palin’s voice, and that the recurring “You betchas” had begun wearing on me like an Alaskan water torture.

I had also taken Ted Cruz to task because his carefully engineered, but ill-timed, shutdown of the federal government, had allowed Clinton bagman Terry McAuliffe to defeat Republican Ken Cuccinelli in Virginia’s 2013 gubernatorial race. To be fair, Cruz wasn’t entirely responsible. If the Libertarian candidate Robert Sarvis hadn’t sucked off roughly seven percent of the votes, Cuccinelli would today be ensconced in the governor’s mansion.

But that hardly makes me an archenemy of the Tea Party. From my perspective, the major problem with it is that it is composed in great part of true believers who are unwilling to settle for half a loaf when in most parts of America the only choice is between half a loaf or no bread at all. In all but a small handful of states, a real conservative couldn’t be elected dog catcher if that job were ever made an elective office.

From the email I receive from the Tea Party faithful, it seems to me that they despise those they dismiss as RINOs ( Republicans in Name Only), far more than they do Democrats. By doing so, they ignore the fact that America is not a conservative nation, much as some of us might wish it were. Outside of places like Texas, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Utah, people like John Cornyn, Trey Gowdy, Mike Lee, Jason Chaffetz and Ted Cruz, couldn’t even win a GOP primary. An unfortunate fact of life is that geography generally determines which politicians are electable, but it’s an unpleasant fact that the Tea Party faithful often choose to ignore.

I know that a lot of Tea Partiers didn’t care for Scott Brown when he was the senator from Massachusetts and aren’t rooting for him to trounce Jeanne Shaheen in New Hampshire next month. But the fact remains that in New England, only a moderate Republican has even the slightest chance of winning a statewide election. Do they really prefer to have Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren in the Senate?

In other words, the Tea Party motto seems to be “All or Nothing” when it should be “51 or Bust.” Any number less than 51 means that Harry Reid retains total control of the Senate and means that if there’s an opening or two on the Supreme Court over the next couple of years, there will be no way to stop someone like Eric Holder from joining his soul mates Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor on the bench.

So, as much as I love my wife, I will not accept her charge that I’m an enemy of the Tea Party. Inasmuch as I am not merely a conservative when it comes to the economy, but would eliminate or at least slash the funding of nearly every department and agency in Washington, including Energy, Education, Commerce, Labor, Health & Human Resources, and the EPA; would do away with federal funding of the arts; am opposed to same sex marriages, the current tax laws, abortion on demand and legalized drugs; but would expand capital punishment to include such crimes as rape, child molestation and computer hacking; and would erect a 25-foot high, 2000 mile wall, at our southern border; I am probably to the right of Attila the Hun, who for some reason or other seems to be the yardstick by which conservatives are measured.

What I mainly dislike about the Tea Party is the way they often ignore William F. Buckley’s wise counsel to vote for the most conservative candidate… who can win. In other words, feel free to support any Republican you like in the primary, but don’t then stay home sulking on Election Day if a more moderate candidate wins the nomination. Also, Karl Rove is not the enemy, Barack Obama is.

Keep in mind that these days any Republican is better than any Democrat because every Democrat would toss out James Madison’s Constitution and replace it with Saul Alinsky’s manifesto.

That doesn’t mean they don’t lie about their true nature. As we’ve seen this election season, Democrats who are forced to fight for their political lives will lie about being rubberstamps for Obama; that, in spite of voting for his policies 99% of the time and voting 100% of the time for ObamaCare, insist they have often parted company with the President and Harry Reid on issues vital to the nation.

Of course they lie, but they feel they’re lying in a good cause; namely, getting themselves re-elected so they can go back to Congress and reattach their lips to the President’s rump.

In conclusion, it’s not I who am at war with the Tea Party, but the Tea Party which, far too often, seems to be at war with the GOP. It’s okay to be sick and tired of John Boehner and Mitch McConnell just so long as you are still rational enough to recognize that they are preferable to Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.

There is nothing to prevent the Tea Party from going its own way, to cutting itself off from what it dismisses as the Republican establishment, which includes roughly 80% of the registered Republicans in the nation. But if they do, they will end up playing the same spoiler role in American politics as the Libertarians, who can’t actually get anyone elected, but can occasionally garner enough votes to deny, for instance, Virginia’s governorship to a worthy Republican.

Let me just conclude my remarks by saying that I think the Tea Party serves a good purpose in that it encourages Republican candidates to be as conservative as they can be without serving themselves up as martyrs to the cause. But they should also keep in mind what I say to all minority groups – be they racial, religious or political – you have every right to be heard, but you are not entitled to have the final word.

It is always and should always be the dog that wags the tail, and not the other way around.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, October 22, 2014

"Ice Buckets & Oracles" and "Christmas Might Come Early"

Let me confess that, aside from donating time or money, I rarely understand the odd things done on behalf of charities. For instance, even decades ago when I was an advertising copywriter, my fellow workers would often ask me to donate money based on how far they walked or ran on the weekend. I understood the part about donating, but I couldn’t fathom why the distance they covered should have anything to do with the amount.

These days, a great many people are allowing themselves to be doused with a large bucket of ice water as a way to help finance one cause or another. Although I admit to experiencing a certain joie de vivre each and every time I see some left-wing show biz celebrity being given an ice bath, I fail to see the connection to charity.

Am I to assume that some people have added being assaulted with ice cubes to such bucket list items as enjoying the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower, wind-surfing in Hawaii and helping the Obamas pack up and move out of the White House?

That reminds me that I have some good news to pass along. It seems that two Hawaiian councilmen decided to name a local beach in Barack Obama’s honor, but backed down in the face of public outrage. So it seems that contrary to the popular notion that everyone in Hawaii is a stoned, leftist, slacker, there are still some stoned slackers who haven’t entirely lost their minds in the Aloha State.

One poor soul who must still be addicted to marijuana, even if he may have kicked the nicotine habit, is Obama. How else to explain that in an election year when every Democratic candidate is trying his or her best to distance themselves from the White House, he decides to sabotage their campaigns by announcing, “I’m not on the ballot this time, but my policies are”? What’s next? Will he begin funneling the loot he collects at his endless fund-raisers to the Republican National Committee?

Moving on, I have never understood the objection many people have to capital punishment. I mean, assuming that they themselves are not residing on Death Row, why would anyone object to justice being meted out to cold-blooded killers?

I know that some folks claim that the state should not be engaged in the taking of life. To me, that means they’re so morally dysfunctional that they equate the taking of an innocent life with the taking of a guilty one.

In order to be consistent, would these self-righteous schmucks also object to executing the jihadists beheading Americans, Brits and Kurds, over in Iraq? If not, why not? And if so, what difference does it make to them where the butchery takes place, and what possible reason can they have for punishing murderers in the Middle East more harshly than murderers in, say, the Midwest?

Something else I can’t figure out is why it’s expected to take an entire year to train the Free Syrian Army so they can fight ISIL on our behalf. After all, these are the very same people who have been doing a decent job of fighting Assad’s far more formidable army for the past three years!

Finally, when I ridicule Warren Buffet, it’s not because I’m envious of his enormous wealth. The truth is I would like to be a little richer than I am, but not as rich as Buffet. For one thing, I would never want to devote that much of my life to the accumulation of money. For another thing, I would never want to be 84 years old and have to spend so much time keeping track of it and making sure nobody is stealing it while I’m distracted, busy sleeping or having a tuna fish sandwich.

But when the so-called “Oracle of Omaha” states that Hillary Clinton will win in 2016, I find myself wondering why anyone takes him seriously. I have no problem with his making a prediction, even one with which I happen to disagree. The problem is because he’s very wealthy, a great many people actually think he knows what he’s talking about. It even explains why he’s called the Oracle of Omaha, instead of the Rich Old Coot from Nebraska.

It will obviously come as a thunder bolt to some, but being rich only means that some individuals have the knack for making money, just as some have an ear for music and others have a knack for wiggling their ears.

Bill Gates knows a lot about computers, Donald Trump knows a lot about real estate and Ted Turner knows a lot about sailboats and bourbon, but grown-ups are being childish when they take them seriously when they prattle on about matters outside their expertise. It’s like those young dopes who take to heart every dire warning uttered by Matt Damon about global warming or accept as gospel the nonsense Sean Penn spews forth on the evils of capitalism.

In short, rich people know how to make money in the same way that beavers know how to build dams.
But only a schnook would ask a beaver to predict the outcome of a presidential election or refer to one as an oracle.


I understand that many conservatives have come to believe that there is no difference between the two major parties. Some of them even stayed home on Election Day in 2012 and bragged about it to me, as if their refusal to vote for Mitt Romney, thus making it easier for Obama to win a second term, somehow reflected well on them.

If the GOP wins back the Senate and banishes Harry Reid from his current position as the second most powerful politician in Washington, I swear I wouldn’t ask Santa for anything more.

I believe that so many people have repeated the lie about Republican politicians being indistinguishable from Democrats that a lot of people who should know better have swallowed the bilge. One party voted 100% for the Affordable Care Act, the other party opposed it. One party has tried to sweep every scandal from Operation Fast & Furious to Benghazi and the IRS under the carpet, while the other party has tried to get to the bottom of them because, contrary to Hillary’s self-serving lie, the truth always makes a difference. And a lie that is repeated a thousand times isn’t magically transformed into the truth, even though demagogues and those involved in advertising might wish it were otherwise.

More than one person has written to me with the expectation that even if the GOP only gains five Senate seats in the midterm elections, there is a good chance that Joe Manchin (D) of West Virginia might agree to switch his party affiliation, especially if he were to be promised an important committee chairmanship.

My advice to Sen. Manchin is that he should make the switch before Nov. 4th. After all, the GOP stands a very good chance of winning the Senate without him. In which case, he loses his bargaining power and merely looks like the worst sort of political opportunist, sort of like that weasel Jim Jeffords, who switched in the other direction and was thereafter regarded with contempt by those on both sides of the aisle.
Speaking of weasels, no politician should ever have his name attached to anything – be it a bridge, a highway or a post office – unless he personally built it or paid for it. The only exception is his tombstone.

In what has come to be known as American diplomacy, Joe Biden just announced that we are giving Gaza an additional $212 million to help them rebuild everything the Israelis knocked down in retaliation for unending missile attacks. The truth is that most of the money will be spent, not on apartment houses, but to construct new tunnels and buy more Katyushas. So, once again, this administration tries, like so many past ones, to buy the friendship of terrorists. It’s bad enough that it adds to our national debt, but the practice also adds to our national shame.
Interestingly enough, those who have campaigned to change Columbus Day to Indigenous People’s Day believe that the white race has a great deal to be ashamed of when it comes to the way that Indigenous People, otherwise known as Indians, have been treated in this country.

According to the lunkheads, the natives were a kind and peaceful people who lived on loving terms with Mother Nature until Caucasians landed on Plymouth Rock. When you realize that all the tribes were basically Stone Age savages who would inevitably have been overtaken by the modern world, it makes you wonder if these dunces also believe that the blacks in Africa were residing in the Garden of Eden until the Europeans came along.

At least Columbus Day pays tribute to a superb seaman and reminds people to visit an Italian restaurant in the near future. What would a celebration of the Indigenous People look like? Inasmuch as they were notorious for scalping their enemies and devouring their internal organs, I’m sure the menu would leave something to be desired.

As for their creative heritage, when you get past blankets, trinkets, totem poles and wickiups, it hardly measures up to that of the European transplants whose heritage, even in the 1600s, already included Butler, Milton, Moliere, Vermeer, Rembrandt, Velasquez, Donne, Cervantes, Purcell, Bach and Shakespeare. Of course not everyone would agree with me. I’m sure that those whose religion is multiculturalism, and whose devotion to political correctness forever dooms them to be fatuous lunkheads, prefer cave paintings to Rembrandt.

Speak of the Devil, have you heard that in Nebraska, school kids are being told to call each other Purple Penguins because terms such as “boys” and “girls” might be offensive to transgendered eight year olds? It’s all part of an agenda prepared by an organization calling itself Gender Spectrum, which seeks to make bathrooms accessible to one and all, no matter the nature of the individual’s plumbing. Funny, one used to be able to assume a certain level of commonsense from Midwesterners, but that was before the Purple Penguin crowd moved in and took control of school boards and city councils, forcing normal people to park their brains at the curb.

But the lunacy unfortunately isn’t limited to Nebraska, Iowa or any of those other flat rectangular states. In Washington, D.C., the resident space aliens refuse to stop incoming flights from West Africa, even though France and England have done so in an attempt to keep Ebola from taking root in their countries. The only reason we don’t follow suit is because most of those flights are carrying black passengers, and no politician wants to risk being labeled racist, even though their cowardice might lead to an epidemic of terrifying proportions.

By deciding not to rule on the constitutionality of same-sex marriages, the Supreme Court allowed lower court rulings to stand, thus pretty much making it the law of the land.

In just about every state that has placed the issue on the ballot, the people have voted against it. Nevertheless, we’re told that polls indicate that Americans have changed their minds. That may well be true. But I’d hate to think that most Americans don’t share my objection to unelected federal judges assuming the authority to override the laws of Congress and the stated will of the people, which in 1996 led the House and Senate to overwhelmingly enact the Defense of Marriage Act.

We appear to be trying very hard to turn ourselves into a Third World nation brimming over with indigenous knuckleheads of the sort who lack the most basic skills and have to import even our blankets and cheap trinkets from China.
I’m beginning to think I may have been a tad too hasty when I hopped off Santa’s lap.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, October 20, 2014

John Lennon, Che Guevara & Me

When the Beatles were at the height of their popularity, John Lennon said that they were more famous than Jesus. It infuriated a great many Christians, but I just thought it was simply the latest in a series of inane and egomaniacal statements he delighted in making. He was, after all, a liberal zealot, and I have noted through the years that the richer these people are, the more strident they are in their opposition to capitalism and the more separated they are from reality. In much the same way the more power that politicians have over the people who elect them, the more they pretend to be populists. Which is why anytime I hear a wealthy politician of either party brag about his humble beginnings, the less likely I am to ever vote for the schmuck.

The irony of John Lennon’s life was his death. After writing the sappy “Imagine,” which contained such banal lines as “Imagine there’s no country/It isn’t hard to do./Nothing to kill or die for,/And no religion, too./Imagine all the people/Living life in peace,” along came Mark David Chapman, who first got Lennon’s autograph and then a few hours later shot him dead.

In other words, Chapman took Lennon’s lyrics to heart. He didn’t pull the trigger because he was motivated by patriotism or on behalf of any religion, but because he was nutty as a fruitcake. Or perhaps it was because he believed that if a singer-songwriter could be more famous than Christ, so could a latter day Judas.

I used to say that every time I turned around, liberals were doing something crazy or wicked. So I finally decided to quit turning around, but it didn’t stop them. For instance, Seattle’s city council voted to stop celebrating Columbus Day because they decided, I assume, that by “discovering” North America, Columbus helped bring about the downfall of the Indians. So, instead, Seattle’s city fathers and mothers decided they would celebrate Indigenous People’s Day. Being liberals, they failed to see the absurdity of mainly non-indigenous white people using the occasion to insult millions of Americans who take pride in the accomplishment of the great Italian seaman.

In New Haven, CT, the city council allowed ARTE, Inc., a non-profit group dedicated to promoting Hispanic culture in the community, to put up their posters honoring Heroes and Icons on City Hall. One of those pictured was Che Guevara, so, predictably, someone had scrawled the Spanish word “asesino” (murderer) across his face. Daniel Diaz, the co-founder and executive director of ARTE admitted that he had received objections from several people in town, but the weasel explained, “The exhibit celebrates Hispanic History Month and not everyone on the poster is a hero, some are merely icons.”

Just because someone’s face shows up on t-shirts worn by young American ignoramuses doesn’t make a mass murderer an icon, and neither does name recognition. Otherwise, we would expect to see Charles Manson on a poster celebrating American History Month.

Say what you will about the pinheads in Seattle and New Haven, I, for one, appreciate it when there’s actual competition for the honor of being known as the Wackiest City Council in the Nation, and it’s not just Oakland, Berkeley and San Francisco, duking it out year after year for the title.

Recently, because I think it’s essential to wrench control away from Harry Reid and prevent Obama from seating someone like Eric Holder on the Supreme Court in the next couple of years, I actually donated a few dollars to help specific Republicans win their Senate races. What I hadn’t counted on was that those people would send me emails on an hourly basis, begging for more. I felt liberated when I discovered that if I scrolled down to the bottom of the page, I could click on the Unsubscribe button and put a stop to it. But, lo and behold, the dunning messages continued unabated. When I reported this to my friend and computer maven, Steve Maikoski, he explained that “Unsubscribe Me” has replaced “The check’s in the mail” as the biggest lie in America.

As my readers know, LBJ was the last Democratic presidential candidate to have received the majority of white votes. Something I had not known until recently was that although Obama won the majority of female votes in 2012, Mitt Romney won the majority of white women’s votes. Now you and I both have a clearer idea of the reason why liberals are forever pandering to blacks and Hispanics, whether it comes to welfare, open borders or amnesty. If ever the GOP comes close to garnering even 35 or 40% of those votes, the Democrats will appropriately go the way of the dodo bird.

When I read that corporations are moving their headquarters out of the country in order to avoid ridiculously high taxes or when I write that companies simply pass along their tax bite to consumers in the form of higher costs for their goods and services, I’m not casting stones at them for doing so. Heck, if I could get some car company or grocery chain to pay my taxes, I would happily do so.

It’s not that I’m not willing to pay my fair share, as those on the Left are wont to say, but I deeply resent the way that the folks in Sacramento and Washington, D.C., squander my tax dollars. I simply have no desire to fund most of the state and federal agencies, and I hate having to support able-bodied welfare recipients, bureaucrats, illegal aliens and those millions of creeps who lie about their disabilities.

When our forefathers cast off the yoke of English tyranny, it wasn’t really over a penny for a pound of tea; it was over the principle of taxation without representation. Today, however, when we’re all saddled with mayors, councilmen, members of the state assembly, congressmen, senators, Joe Biden, the Obamas and several million unionized civil servants, we have reached the point where the pendulum has swung back and we’ve all discovered that a far worse problem is taxation with too much representation; or at least too many blood-sucking representatives who represent nobody’s interests but their own.

The final word goes to one of my readers, Daniel Parker, who, with the likes of Valerie Jarrett, Denis McDonough and Josh Earnest no doubt in mind, described Barack Hussein Obama as a man who always keeps his wits about him: namely, dimwits, nitwits and halfwits.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, October 17, 2014

Liberals: An Endless Source Of Amusement

Liberals, I hasten to add, are also an endless source of aggravation, terror and sheer nausea. But, really, if you can’t laugh at them, you not only lack a sense of humor, but even the most basic of coping skills required to survive the current administration.

For instance, Joe Biden, who can nearly always be counted on to be unintentionally hilarious, recently told a crowd of sycophants in Joplin, MO, that we should never forget the 161,000 Missourians who lost their lives during the 2011 tornado that ravaged their town. Because everyone in the crowd and on the stage with him was a liberal, nobody pointed out to the Vice President that the actual number was 161. Joplin’s entire population is only 50,150 and, no, Mr. Biden, it wasn’t 211,150 before the tornado hit.

Even when Biden tells the truth, as he recently did at Harvard, when he pointed out that our alleged allies, Saudi Arabia, Turkey and the United Arab Emirates, have spent years financing Islamic terrorism, he wound up having to apologize for his unseemly candor. I’m sure Biden has learned his lesson and will never again tell the truth about anything.

Even the FBI’s chief honcho, James Comey, made me laugh when he said that the Americans who have been fighting alongside the butchers of ISIL will be “closely tracked” when they return. The FBI couldn’t even keep track of the Tsarnaev brothers before they blew up the Boston marathoners, the agency’s excuse being that someone had misspelled “Tsarnaev” on a terrorist list.

To tell the truth, I didn’t start laughing immediately because I assumed I was going deaf. You see, I so much expected him to say the homegrown vermin would be indicted, tried and sent off to be gnawed on by rats in a dungeon as soon as they stepped onto the tarmac at Dulles or JFK, I was simply caught by surprise.

As you may have noticed, Obama had refused for the longest time to give a name to the bombing mission in Iraq and Syria. Looking to correct that oversight, Free suggested its readers give it a try. Some of the submissions were “Operation Too Little, Too Late,” “Operation Just for Show,” “Operation Pussyfoot,” and “Operation Rolling Blunder.” I would have suggested “Operation Nothing Ventured, Nothing Ventured.” Just recently, Obama finally came up with (a drum roll, please) “Operation Inherent Resolve,” proving once again that we’re all better off when this administration does nothing than when it does something.

When asked why Obama elects to call the Khorasan Group by that name instead of calling it Al Qaeda, which it is in spite of Obama’s having campaigned as the dude who wiped it off the map, a spokesperson for the President said, with a straight face, it was because that’s what they call themselves. However, when it came to the butchers affiliated with the Islamic State, Obama insisted that no matter what they call themselves, they are neither a state nor Islamic. This is clearly a man who regards consistency, along with honesty, to be cardinal sins.

That reminds me that while I hate tooting my own horn -- always hoping that others will step forward and volunteer -- I must point out that three years ago, when Obama announced that Assad’s days were numbered, I pointed out that everyone’s days are numbered, but I was giving odds that Syria’s despot would remain in power longer than our own. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any takers because even then most people recognized that Obama was just a big gasbag.

Another funny thing about liberals is that they always fear guns more than they do the various thugs -- be they Muslims, blacks or illegal aliens – who misuse them.

But nowhere, not even in Washington, D.C., are liberals as hilarious as they are in Hollywood. This is ground zero for more lunacy than even I can keep track of, but, then, I lack the resources of the F.B.I.

For openers, this is the one place in America where even conservatives often have to pretend to be liberals in order to be employable and be invited to parties. This is the bizarre world where actors are every bit as likely as actresses to have a plastic surgeon on speed dial, and where starlets are so pumped up with silicone that even their own dogs can no longer recognize them.

Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence explained the existence of her nude photos by stating that she had been in “a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years, but it was a long distance relationship, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.” She added that she was as angry with those who looked at her nude photos as she was with the hackers who downloaded them because even looking constituted a sex crime.

Well, even though I didn’t look at the photos, I think she was being unfair. I suspect that the various Peeping Toms imagined that they, too, were in a loving, healthy, great – albeit long distance –relationship with Jennie, if only for a few minutes.

Speaking of actors, one of my all-time favorites was the sardonic Englishman, Alastair Sim. Not only was he superb in “School for Scoundrels,” “The Green Man,” “An Inspector Calls” and “The Belles of Saint Trinian’s,” but he was responsible for yet another great comedic tour de force. It seems that Alec Guinness was so impressed by Sim’s performance in “Dulcimer Street” that he confessed using it as the basis for his own memorable turn in “The Ladykillers.”

Alastair George Bell Sim, as he was baptized, not only was a remarkable actor who had the distinction of having had four names, each of which was one or two letters shorter than the previous one, but he once said a very wise thing that, like Alec Guinness, I intend to adopt, perhaps as my own epitaph: “It was revealed to me many years ago with conclusive certainty that I was a fool. Since then, I have been as happy as any man has a right to be.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

"Militant Liberals" and "The Minimum Wage War"

The emasculation of the U.S. military began, I believe, during the first Gulf War, and had nothing to do with the red carpet that was eventually rolled out for women and homosexuals. I still remember how shocked I was that there was such a to-do over the fact that our troops had to deal with their chocolate bars melting in the desert heat. I kept hearing that something, by God, had to be done about it.

I would never suggest that our soldiers should be regarded as cannon fodder, but the uproar over candy bars made it sound as if they were a troop of Brownies.

Things have only gotten worse under Obama’s watch with his pledge that our warriors will never get any closer to the battlefield than 20,000 feet above it.

I have always supported a robust military budget, but if soldiers are no longer going to be required to get their boots dirty, but continue to receive salaries, pensions and free medical care for decades under a properly managed Veterans Administration, it strikes me as a colossal waste of our tax dollars. We can just have our Secretary of State give our enemies a good stern talking-to.

We used to have military mottoes like “A Few Good Men,” “Semper Fi” and “Be the Best You Can Be,” but now the all-inclusive one seems to be “No Boots on the Ground.”

It isn’t just that liberals are always wrong on the issues, either, they’re equally besotted when it comes to their heroes. During the 30s and 40s, the intelligentsia never stopped singing the praises of Joseph Stalin, the Soviet butcher who had even more blood on his hands than Hitler. Pinheads like Lillian Hellman, Dorothy Parker and half of the people on salary at the Hollywood studios would often refer to him as “Uncle Joe,” as did FDR and most of his left-wing advisors.

In later years, American liberals showed their affinity with murderous vermin by adopting the likes of Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, Che Guevara and, of course, the Palestinians who elected Hamas, the terrorist organization sworn to annihilate the Israelis, to lead them.

It was no longer surprising that during his recent address to the U.N., Obama took a moment to praise Sheikh Abdallah Bin Bayyah, the Muslim cleric who has called for the killing of Jews and American soldiers. The question no longer is whether Obama is a Muslim or merely has a soft spot in his heart and his head for Islam, but whether he is a Muslim or a Martian still suffering from jet lag.

One can imagine Obama being the Commander-in-Chief during World War II and announcing, “Yes, we are at war with Adolf Hitler and his savage war machine. But we are not – let me repeat – not at war with Nazism, which is a religion of peace. And we will definitely not have any boots on the ground in Europe.”

As for those European nations currently unwilling to take up arms either against Russia’s invasion of Ukraine or the Islamics in the Middle East, I suggest they heed the words of concentration camp survivor Elie Wiesel: “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the oppressed. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” Or as Winston Churchill once said, “An appeaser is one who feeds an alligator in the hope it will eat him last.”

One can only hope that the civilized world will wake up sooner rather than later, and conclude that a united front is required to hasten the transformation of ISIS into WasWas.

Closer to home, we have our own problems. The 9th Circuit Court ruled that Judge Margaret McKeown was correct in ruling that the administrators at Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, CA, were within their rights to send students home for wearing American flag t-shirts because they might have offended the Hispanic kids celebrating Cinco de Mayo, and it might have led to violence on school grounds.

A more appropriate ruling would have sent the Hispanic kids back to Mexico, where they might be astonished to discover that Cinco de Mayo is not Mexican Independence Day, but merely marks a Mexican victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. On the other hand, why would anyone think they’d know any more about Mexico’s history than they do about America’s, especially when their school principal and the knuckleheads on the 9th Circuit Court aren’t even on speaking terms with the First Amendment’s guarantee of free speech?

It recently occurred to me that Lucy Van Pelt and Charlie Brown are both liberals. The proof is that she’s mean enough to keep pulling the football away right after promising not to and just before doing it for the thousandth time, and he’s so dumb he keeps allowing her to get away with it, thus establishing that like every liberal who has ever argued that the federal government should control the economy, education, energy, the environment and health care, he is simply incapable of learning from history.

In other words, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Lucy has a copy of Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” on her book shelf and Charlie has a poster of Che Guevara on his wall.

The Minimum Wage War

Among the issues that the Democrats are trying to run on this year, it’s a tie between the minimum wage and the war on women as to which of them is the phonier.

The first step in trying to make the case for the minimum wage a campaign issue came years ago when the liberals changed what everyone knew was supposed to be the salary paid to teenagers who were looking to pay for their own movies and tennis shoes to something called “a living wage,” which, thanks to the influx of unskilled Hispanics streaming across our border, was suddenly supposed to support entire families.

These days, when the Democrats incessantly campaign to raise it, their motives are two-fold. One, unskilled, generally illiterate, Hispanics and their relatives are expected to express their gratitude at the ballot box for the next hundred years. Two, union contracts are often tied to the minimum wage and, as a result, any rise in the rate automatically results in a higher hourly wage for union members without the inconvenience of their having to go on strike.

While I understand that the union bosses are happy to see illegal aliens flooding into this country because they will inevitably join unions before long and start paying dues, I don’t get why American union members remain so passive when it’s their jobs that will be lost to these young interlopers.

When it comes to the war on women, the Democrats accuse Republicans of two sins. The first is that we intend to reverse Roe v. Wade. Inasmuch as it’s been the law of the land for half a century, that is, unfortunately, extremely unlikely.

The other red herring is that we on the Right want to continue paying women less for doing the same work as men. The fact is that the equal pay law was passed while JFK was still in the White House. The way the liberals lie their way around that inconvenient truth is by changing the wording from “the same work” to “equivalent work,” and then pretending that being a kindergarten teacher is the equivalent of being, say, a longshoreman. The fact is that when it comes to the exact same job – be it a firefighter, a cop or a member of Congress – men and women doing the same job get the exact same pay.

Because I continue to receive mail begging for donations from those behind the Ben Carson for President Movement, I keep trying to figure out why anyone, including Dr. Carson, thinks he’s the best man for the job. After all, we already know that he is a little mushy when it comes to the Second Amendment and he’s in favor of affirmative action, but he is also, like uberliberal Bill Gates, on the Costco Board of Directors. I don’t know what these folks get paid or what they’re supposed to do for their money aside from allowing their names to be printed on the company stationery, but I do know that Costco’s CEO James Sinegal is a major contributor to Barack Obama and the DNC, and I also know that until public outrage forced them to back down, Costco pulled Dinesh D’Souza’s best-selling “America” off its book shelves.

So, having given the Carson candidacy some thought, the best I could come up with is that some conservatives want to prove that our amateur is better than their amateur, and it gives his supporters a way to show that their objection to Barack Obama has nothing to do with his pigmentation.

Responding to something I wrote about charities recently, Chuck Tatum wrote to me, asking: “Does anyone else find it weird that abused animals, starving children and wounded warriors, can all be helped for the exact same $19-a-month?”

I let him know that I hadn’t been aware of that, probably because I record everything I watch on TV so that I can fast-forward through commercials and Juan Williams’ appearances on Fox. But I expect the folks who run charities all discovered what terrific results were achieved by retailers who priced their products at $99.99 or service stations who always peg their gas prices at $3.59 or $3.69 a gallon, and never at $3.60 or $3.70.

Speaking of gasoline, although the feds add a standard 18.4 cents to a gallon, the states get to add anything they want. Here in California, the liberal riffraff in Sacramento, who long ago mastered the art of squeezing blood from a turnip, add roughly 50 cents to the cost of a gallon of gas, and then have the gall to whine about greedy oil companies.

As if that’s not bad enough, California’s state income tax rate is along the highest in the nation., whereas if you live in Washington, Nevada, Wyoming, Texas, South Dakota, Alaska or Florida, you don’t pay anything.

I suspect the California state legislators would quickly point out that roughly one out of every eight Americans live in our state, so naturally they require more tax revenue. But, I would respond, if it’s the enormous population that makes this state so unappealing to the individual taxpayer and to the company owners who keep moving their factories to such accommodating places as Texas and Nevada, why do you ignoramuses continue to make the problem worse by keeping the border as porous as a sieve and constantly urging illegal aliens to make use of our schools, our hospitals and our welfare, not to mention our jails?

Speaking of which, in California, thieves have three choices: They can either go to prison, Sacramento or Washington, D.C.

In response to an article in which I quoted the architect of ObamaCare, the Dr. Frankenstein of death panels, Ezekiel Emanuel, 57, stating that he plans to die when he’s 75 and that the rest of us should follow his example, Carlene Hobbs wrote to say: “I’d like to help him out. Trouble is I’m dyslexic, so he better update his will real soon.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, October 13, 2014

"The Attack Of The Cuckoos" and "Ebola & Other Epidemics"

CALIFORNIA READERS: At the Wednesday, October 15th, 11:30 meeting of Reseda-Tarzana Republican Women Federated, I will be giving a talk, followed by a Q&A session, starting at 1:30. Address: Braemar Country Club, 4001 Reseda Blvd.

How it is that so many cuckoos escaped from their clocks and have wound up in positions of authority, I will never know. But there’s no getting around the fact that the American symbol is no longer a bald eagle or even Ben Franklin’s preferred turkey, but has been replaced by the Swiss-made cuckoo bird.

For instance, the University of California, San Francisco, has just launched an online abortion course that will delve into “clinical aspects of medication abortion, aspiration abortion, post-abortion contraception, and pain management for abortion.” According to Prof. Jody Steinauer: “I think if we can inspire even a small portion of the people who take the course to take steps in their communities to increase access to safe abortion and decrease stigma about abortion, then we will have been totally successful.”

So far, 3,000 people have signed up for the course. I’m sure that ghouls everywhere are taking heart from the fact that abortion continues to be a growth industry. As for me, I think America is suffering from a dangerous lack of stigma.

As you may have heard, Nidal Hasan, who killed or maimed over 40 innocent people at Fort Hood, has written a letter to Pope Francis, complaining that Barack Obama keeps claiming that his butchery was workplace violence. Apparently he wants Francis to intercede on his behalf and point out to Obama that he is one of Allah’s proud soldiers and not just another creep who went postal because he got fired or didn’t get a raise. I can see his point. I mean, imagine how Hitler would have felt if his invasion of Poland had been dismissed as trespassing.

I do get a chuckle when young poorly educated malcontents who are often subsidized by wealthy old hypocritical reprobates like George Soros periodically take to the streets and demonstrate against Wall Street or the International Monetary Fund, blindly obeying the marching orders of wealthy old hypocritical reprobates like George Soros.

In addition to hosting an Obama fund-raiser at her home, Gwyneth Paltrow also introduced the guest of honor by batting her eyes and gushing: “You’re so handsome, I can’t speak properly.” If she considers Mr. Bat Ears so good-looking it makes her tongue-tied, one has to wonder how she ever managed to deliver a single line of dialogue when she worked with Hollywood heartthrobs Daniel Craig, Viggo Mortensen, Michael Douglas, Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr. Perhaps the 42-year-old Valley Girl had all her dialogue dubbed by a grown-up.

Obama, who also tends to swoon in his own presence, managed to say, “I’m taking her to my next event.”

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when Obama got home. Recalling how angry Michelle got when Obama took a selfie of himself with the leggy blonde Prime Minister of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt, at Nelson Mandela’s memorial, I couldn’t help picturing Barack trying to sneak into the White House only to find Michelle in the hallway holding a rolling pin and giving him the fish eye, just the way Maggie used to greet Jiggs in the Sunday funny papers.

The Army, which has become just as corrupt as the IRS, the Secret Service and the FBI, under the current administration has announced that it won’t go public about its investigation into Bowe Bergdahl’s desertion. At this point, don’t be too surprised if Bergdahl winds up receiving the Medal of Honor for merely pretending to be a traitor so he could go undercover and spy on the Taliban.

When the late Thomas Duncan first visited the Dallas hospital, he had a 103 degree fever and he admitted he’d just been to Liberia, but he was sent home with nothing more than a few pain killers. Once he died of Ebola, it figures there would be those who claimed that racism was the reason he was treated in such cavalier fashion. Nonsense! So far as I can tell, it was simply ObamaCare in action.

Although I dislike being at odds with my readers, I must confess I was shocked by the results of my latest poll. When I asked if people thought the Republicans would take control of the Senate and, if they did, if it would make a difference, I was obviously asking people to make an educated guess or, rather, two educated guesses. That meant that “maybe” or “perhaps” was a given, but it wasn’t a suitable response to either question. Fortunately, I managed to get 211 people to play by the rules.

It seems that 159 people thought the GOP would gain control, while 52 thought Harry Reid would manage to retain his stranglehold. However, only 61 people thought it would make a difference, 150 were just as sure it wouldn’t.

Frankly, I don’t know how those 150 could be so misguided. It’s true that a Republican Senate and Republican House wouldn’t be able to stop Obama entirely in his tracks. He’d still have his phone and his pen, but at least House bills would finally be voted on in the Senate, and Obama would be forced to veto them, showing everyone once and for all who the real obstructionist is. In addition, it is no small thing that Obama wouldn’t be able to appoint judges to the federal bench or place any more Kagans and Sotomayors on the Supreme Court, which is the legacy whereby ex-presidents are able to continue poisoning the atmosphere for decades long after they’ve left the scene of the crime.

Finally, by now I suspect everyone knows that 10 Secret Service agents lost their jobs for consorting, as they say, with Colombian prostitutes while a White House insider who happened to be the son of a major Obama donor wound up with a promotion to the State Department after he consorted with his own Colombian prostitute that very same evening.

In other news, Bill Clinton has announced that he’s heading down to Colombia on a fact-finding mission.

Ebola & Other Epidemics

I hope that the Republicans gain control of the Senate, but I don’t expect any miracles. I just want to wrench the reins away from Harry Reid, and force Obama to veto all those bills that the House has been sending along since 2010 that Reid has killed, thus sparing the Senate Democrats from ever having to cast an embarrassing vote. After all these years, the public would finally have a chance to see a real obstructionist in action.

Some of my readers have likened Obama to the serpent in the Garden of Eden, but that’s hardly fair. For one thing, the snake didn’t keep running off to play golf and attend fund-raisers. For another thing, the snake didn’t require the services of a Teleprompter in order to utter a coherent sentence. And for yet another, the snake only lied once.

I keep wondering why Sarah Palin keeps sticking her shnoz into every election in the nation -- sometimes to the detriment of the Republican Party -- but shied away from running for the Senate, leaving it up to a relative unknown, Dan Sullivan, to oppose Alaskan incumbent Mark Bigich (D).

Another question that keeps popping up in my head is why we don’t enlist Israel to help us defeat ISIS. The Arab and Muslim nations wouldn’t approve? So what else is new? At least we can trust the Israelis, which is far more than we can say about our alleged allies in Iraq, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the United Arab Emirate or Turkey. And once we mop up the beheaders, we should team up and take out Iran’s centrifuges.

Speaking of our only real ally in the Middle East, it seems that an Israeli cargo ship, the Zim Shanghai, was prevented from unloading in Oakland, thanks to pro-Islamic demonstrators. Members of the International Longshore and Warehouse Union claimed they were physically threatened and feared for their lives.

Did I forget to mention that there were eight demonstrators? Apparently longshoremen aren’t quite as tough as they used to be, or perhaps, like the majority of pinheads in the Bay area, they’re just more anti-Semitic than they used to be.

Israel has managed in a little over 60 years to become one of the most indispensable nations on the face of the earth, and not just because of their medical and scientific innovations. For the various despots in the Middle East, Israel serves as a very handy scapegoat. For the likes of college professors, show business celebrities and, apparently, California’s longshoremen, it allows them to be as anti-Semitic as Hitler and Stalin, without having to admit to anything worse than being opposed to Israel’s policies.

It is nearly impossible for civilians to compete with politicians when it comes to telling lies, but feminists Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem came close with their relentless propaganda telling women that they could have it all. Nobody has it all. Aspirations are important, even essential, but these chowderheads spent decades not only telling impressionable young women that, no matter what their own limitations were, everything was possible, and if they didn’t wind up achieving all of their wackier fantasies, they’d been cheated. And by whom, you ask? Well, by the entire male gender, of course.

Women have even been convinced that they are paid 70 cents on the dollar for doing the exact same job as a man, even though that requires believing that every employer is engaged in a huge conspiracy to pay men 43% more than women, the bottom line be damned!

Other big lies involve the minimum wage and corporate taxes. The way the liberals tell it, if employers are forced to pay unskilled workers far more than they’re worth and if corporations are forced to pay higher taxes in order to finance an ever-expanding, increasingly corrupt, state or federal government, it serves them right. What the liberals never mention to their sheep-like followers is that any such increases are immediately passed on to the rest of us in added costs for goods and services. As Sherlock Holmes was wont to say, it’s elementary.

Unfortunately, millions of our fellow citizens never learned anything about basic economics in school. The only things drilled into their empty little noggins was that nicotine, capitalism and conservatives were bad; the Constitution was inconsequential because it was the work of old white men; and that those like Obama, Castro, Guevara, Chavez, Allende and Mao, were the sort of leaders America needs, but too rarely gets.

That’s not to say we don’t have more than our share of nincompoops in positions of authority. Take Dallas Judge Clay Jenkins. He got himself a trove of publicity by accompanying Thomas Duncan’s relatives out of their Ebola-contaminated apartment in his civilian duds, all part of the carefully programmed narrative being spoon fed to us that Ebola can’t be transmitted through the air.

I assume that Judge Jenkins measured the risk and decided that it would be worth a ton of votes in future elections. After all, if the disease can only be passed along through direct contact and bodily fluids, why is everybody whose job calls for being in the vicinity of Ebola victims, but doesn’t require conning voters, walking around looking like an astronaut?

Finally, a few readers have taken me to task for referring to Bob Packwood in a recent piece dealing with sexual predators as a Democrat when, in fact, he was a Republican. The short answer is that I forgot that for political reasons, the very liberal Packwood pretended to be a Republican. The longer answer is that just because some people lie about their political affiliation is no reason the rest of us should encourage that sort of thing.

For instance, in the Senate, both Angus King and Bernie Sanders call themselves Independents, even though they caucus and vote with the Democrats, and take their marching orders from Harry Reid.

Worse yet, we have Charlie Crist, he of the white hair and the used car salesman’s smirk, running for governor in Florida. In a matter of just eight short years, the former ambulance chasing buzzard has run and lost as a Republican and as an Independent, and now that he’s running against Rick Scott, he’s calling himself a Democrat. He even lies about his own name, which happens to be Joseph.
When it comes to camouflage, chameleons could take lessons from this phony.

Finally, I’m betting that if Crist loses this time, in 2016, he’ll be running as a Whig.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, October 10, 2014

Politically Correct Insanity

CALIFORNIA READERS: At the Wednesday, October 15th, 11:30 meeting of Reseda-Tarzana Republican Women Federated, I will be giving a talk, followed by a Q&A session, starting at 1:30. Address: Braemar Country Club, 4001 Reseda Blvd.

It is my contention that political correctness has so deeply infiltrated American society that it has affected our approach to defending ourselves against Islamic terrorism, deadly epidemics and even presidential assassins.

In the past, AIDS, which, in spite of the massive publicity campaign waged by the homosexual community, was never a great threat to heterosexuals – unless, of course, they were the really cheap and stupid drug addicts who shared hypodermic needles -- nobody in public life ever had the guts to suggest that those with the disease be quarantined.

Today, because those spreading Ebola are West Africans, nobody has the gumption to suggest curtailing flights from that part of the world to America, lest we be accused of being a nation of racists. At the same time, if the epidemic was centered in Scandinavia and we stopped all incoming flights from Oslo, Stockholm and Copenhagen, I very much doubt if we would be condemned for practicing blondophobia.

The other major export from that particularly noxious part of the world is Islamic terrorism. Again, we are so frightened of appearances when it comes to Arabs and Muslims that we refuse to engage in racial profiling (which is otherwise known as being rational in a world in which 90% of the violence is committed by young males named Mohammad who look a great deal like Osama bin Laden) or to even risk referring to “Islamic terrorism” as such, preferring to pass it off as “workplace violence.”

That brings us to Omar Gonzalez, who hopped the Pennsylvania Avenue fence and made it all the way into the White House while carrying a knife before being brought down and disarmed. Although as my friend Ron Kessler has made clear in his books about the Secret Service, there has been a recent history of dangerous cost-cutting by a number of Service chiefs, I have my own theory as to the reason security broke down so dramatically in this case. I believe the agents spotted a Hispanic racing across the White House lawn, and instead of expecting commendations for shooting him, they envisioned being brought up before a congressional committee of political opportunists and facing trumped-up charges for over-reacting to a potential threat.

Speaking of Ron Kessler, in his latest book, “The First Family Detail,” he reports that even though they both insist they’re conservative cost-cutters and always having the American taxpayer foremost in mind, whenever Ted Cruz or Rand Paul shows up for an interview at Fox, they are invariably accompanied by an entourage of five or six aides, although the customary number of toadies, even when it comes to liberal lawmakers, is no more than two.

That is why I have come to believe that no matter how much Republicans may talk about cutting the size and cost of the federal government, they’re really only talking about when the Democrats are in charge. Besides, it goes entirely against human nature – and, all evidence to the contrary, politicians are human beings – for any politician to ever crave less power or fewer fawning acolytes on the payroll than his or her predecessor.

To absolutely nobody’s surprise, the Government Accountability Institute recently disclosed that over the past two years Barack Obama has attended only 42.1% of the daily intelligence briefings. But that didn’t stop him from blaming Director of National Intelligence James Clapper for his being left in the dark about the imminent threat from ISIL.

Not that long ago, Obama had labeled the cutthroats a bunch of nobodies who thought that if they donned the uniforms of the L.A. Lakers, it would turn them into the Lakers when, as Obama cockily assured us, they were no more than a junior varsity squad. As it turned out, they proved that they could teach Kobe Bryant and the rest of the Lakers a little something about playing offense. Of course it always helps when the other team – in this case the very Iraqi military that we had spent years and a bloody fortune training and arming – ran off the court while ripping off their uniforms.

The fact that Obama paid absolutely no attention to the facts supplied on a daily basis by U.S. Intelligence was typical of His Arrogance, and it certainly didn’t prevent him from casting Mr. Clapper in the role of every lazy student’s favorite scapegoat, the dog with an insatiable appetite for homework.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?