Monday, March 31, 2014

"READING THE POLLS" and "ANOTHER JOB FOR CLARENCE ODBODY"

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by Burt Prelutsky

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I don't recall a time when it was so profitable to be in the polling industry. It seems as if there’s a new one every five minutes, and most of them, you’ve probably noticed, show Obama cratering at the speed of light. As a result, Republicans can hardly conceal their glee. I, on the other hand, look at the numbers and I feel like tearing my hair out. That is, I would if I had hair. Instead, I’d settle for tearing out someone else’s; perhaps Chuck Hagel’s or Harry Reid’s.

I know I should celebrate the fact that 59% of the electorate think Obama is doing a lousy job, but that means that 41% don’t see it that way. How can I feel good as an American knowing that 83% of the people believe that our country is weaker and less powerful than it was six years ago? For one thing, that’s not a situation in which I ever want America to find herself, but for another, it means 17% think we’re stronger and more powerful since Obama took office, and they can’t all be smoking pot in Colorado.

There are even 9% of our friends and neighbors who think Obama has been too tough with the Russkies! One of those nincompoops, I’m happy to say, is neither a friend nor a relative of mine; he is, however, Rand Paul’s old man.

Speaking of Rand Paul, I am happy to see him peaking in 2014 because I’m hoping that by 2016, he’ll be “Rand Who?” during the GOP primaries. I don’t think he’s a bad fellow, and I wouldn’t want to misjudge him because his father is an anti-Semitic nincompoop. But I do believe his crusade against the NSA is a cheap and dangerous political stunt. I think that anyone who actually believes the government is eavesdropping on several billion monotonous phone calls every day or monitoring tens of billions of email messages every 24 hours is either a paranoid schizophrenic or is addicted to pornography and is terrified that the NSA is going to snitch him out to his wife.

Even Paul’s receiving 31% of the votes cast at the annual CPAC convention isn’t all that great when you actually break down the numbers. I mean, when your platform involves legalizing pot and other illegal substances; accepting same-sex marriages as the norm; opposing a military draft; and turning a blind eye to any evil taking place outside our borders; and you realize that a totally disproportional 46% of the CPAC voters were very young, garnering a mere 31% of the vote has to be regarded as a massive underachievement.

While listening to radio host Dennis Prager the other day, I heard him mention that at Harvard, they have come up with a notion that anything that is said about a specific group, even if it’s positive in nature, should be regarded as bigotry. So if someone assumes that an Asian got a high-paying job as a computer programmer because Asians are widely assumed to be technically proficient, that’s racism.

And if someone assumes that I’m one thing or another because I happen to be Jewish, that’s a sure sign of religious bigotry. So if you decide I’m smart or dumb because I’m a Jew, you’re a bigot. So, as I see it, you may as well decide I’m smart. At least that way I’ll put in a good word for you when you’re put on trial for being politically incorrect by the knuckleheads at Harvard.

Speaking of academic knuckleheads, one of the great mysteries of life involves the way so many professors and their young liberal charges have opted to side with the Arabs and Muslims in the conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. I mean, if you believe in free speech, equal rights for women, equal protection under the law and religious tolerance, on what possible basis, aside from anti-Semitism, can anyone identify with those opposed to those democratic virtues and who, instead, side with the rabble that applaud the jackals who blow up school buses and pizza parlors?

As for the trouble being fomented by Vladimir Putin, my question is why Europe has become so totally dependent on Russian oil that this cheap thug can so easily turn them all into sniveling little eunuchs? Has Saudi Arabia run dry? Have France, Germany and England, all heard nasty things about Canadian oil? Has Mexico been caught watering their product? Or is it that, like Americans, the poor dears are simply war-weary? After all, it’s only been 69 years since the end of World War II.

Speaking of which, Ukraine asked Barack Obama for weapons with which to defend itself against a Russian invasion. Instead, he gave them MRES (Meals Ready to Eat). Or in other words, food stamps; thus increasing the number of recipients in the blink of an eye from 50 million to 95 million.

At this point, it’s only a rumor that he’s arranging to sign up all 45 million Ukrainians for ObamaCare by the end of April.


ANOTHER JOB FOR CLARENCE ODBODY

Because it's so easy and so much fun to belittle politicians, and because the fun isn’t limited to just Republicans or Democrats, we often lose sight of the fact that these folks are not members of royal families who inherit power the way others may inherit a farm or a family photo album. They actually have to run for office and be elected, even if their names are Bush, Clinton or Rockefeller.

That being said, can you even imagine how stupid people have to be to elect Sheila Jackson Lee to represent them in Congress for the past 19 years? In spite of having a BA from Yale and a JD from the University of Virginia’s Law School, Ms. Lee recently said, “We have survived for 400 years under a Constitution that defines what is constitutional and what is not.” Even if you overlook the fact that she hasn’t uttered a single negative word about the way Obama has trampled on both the Constitution and the House of Representatives, you would have assumed that a member of Congress would be aware that the Constitution is only 227 years old, not 400. I guess it’s safe to assume that those degrees owe far more to affirmative action than to Ms. Lee’s scholarship.

In New York, the recently-elected mayor, Bill de Blasio (born Warren Wilhelm, Jr.) has declared war on one of NYC’s few educational successes, charter schools. The reason is elementary. People like de Blasio and his fellow Democrats are so deep into the pocket of the teacher’s union there isn’t even room for lint.

The mayor would be a fascinating subject for a clinical psychiatrist. He decided to adopt his mother’s maiden name for his own, to forsake Catholicism for atheism and to marry a black woman who had previously been a lesbian. They met while both were serving in the administration of Mayor David Dinkens. (Dinkins, by the way, was such a disaster that from the time he left office in 1993, the liberal capital of America didn’t put another Democrat in the mayor’s office for 20 years. Strange as it may seem, Michael Bloomberg, a lifelong Democrat, ran all three times as a Republican.) Bill and the missus naturally honeymooned in Cuba.

In other news, Iraq’s Shiite majority, which came to power once we eliminated Saddam Hussein, is now looking to legalize marriage for men to girls as young as nine, and to allow husbands the right to have non-consensual sex with their wives.

The idea that a single drop of American blood was spilled in the defense of these creeps is obscene. If in the future, we have cause to fear attack from Muslims, we should be prepared to bomb them off the face of the earth, but never again should an American soldier’s life be risked on their behalf.

Closer to home, Warren Buffet is once again the world’s second richest man, having overtaken Mexico’s Carlos Slim. His worth is now estimated to be $63.4 billion, having increased by 4.3% just since the first of the year, proving that even in this pathetic economy, it’s still possible to do well if you’re a pal of Barack Obama’s.

Speaking of he who seems intent on being Putin’s favorite bitch, Obama has managed to become the biggest scofflaw to have ever had the key to the White House. For in addition to his obvious contempt for the Constitution’s clearly specified separation of powers, he has personally seen to it that various federal agencies don’t enforce laws regarding drugs, marriage and illegal aliens.

In one of my favorite movies, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” Clarence Odbody, Angel Second Class, decides to grant George Bailey’s wish to have never been born as a way to show him what a difference his seemingly nondescript life has made in the lives of others.

The differences range from his uncle winding up in a mental asylum and George’s wife Mary ending up a spinster. It also includes a thousand American G.I.s dying when their troop ship is sunk, because George’s brother, Harry, whose own life had been saved by George years earlier, wasn’t around to save theirs.

I feel that for the past five years, thanks to Obama, we Americans have been living in the hellhole Bedford Falls became once George wasn’t around to do battle with the town’s evil banker, the corrupt and soulless Mr. Potter.

Over the years, a lot of American presidents have been depicted on screen. Off the top of my head, I recall mediocre movies devoted to Andrew Jackson, both of the Roosevelt’s, Wilson, Truman, Nixon and, of course, Lincoln. It seems to me that if they ever get around to devoting one to Obama, they might consider calling it the third version of “Despicable Me.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, March 28, 2014

WAR AND PEACE

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Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt's Webcast is every Wednesday at 1 PM Pacific Time.
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It seems like almost every day someone sends me pictures of George W. Bush riding dirt bikes with injured military veterans or greeting returning vets at a Texas airport. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a fine thing for him to do, but I can’t help being reminded that he was the same guy who sent them off to fight two of the stupidest wars we’ve ever waged.

What it mainly reminds me of is John Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men.” The mentally deficient Lennie is eternally grateful to his cousin George for saving him from drowning; having forgotten it was George who pushed him in the river in the first place. In similar fashion, young women and blacks are grateful for the welfare that the Democrats provide, ignoring the fact that it’s Barack Obama’s policies that have kept them in poverty by drying up the job market, promoting dependency and driving up our national debt to over $17 trillion, thus ensuring that they, their children and their grandchildren, will remain hooked on welfare, the worst addiction of them all.

Getting back to Bush’s wars: I happen to believe Iraq was justified. Even if you forget about the faulty intelligence regarding Iraq’s attempt to pursue nuclear weaponry, Saddam Hussein had used poison gas on the Kurds and had invaded neighboring Kuwait. Besides, it wasn’t his fault that his old man had defeated Hussein, but, then, for no apparent reason, left him in power. It led me to wonder if George H.W. Bush had been president during WWII, he would have left Hitler in charge of Germany after we’d defeated the Nazis on the battlefield.

Where George W. Bush went wrong was in his attempt to make “nation-building” the cornerstone of his war policy. We helped Europe, including Germany and Italy, rebuild after 1945, but that was a post-war policy. We waited until we’d cleaned their clocks before we concerned ourselves with living conditions in Berlin and Rome. I guess the expression “first things first” was unspoken in the Bush household.

As for Afghanistan, that’s a war that never should have taken place. What business is it of ours if the Taliban run the cesspool? How are they any worse than Hamad Karzai? Or any worse than the regime that is currently destroying our own nation?

For the life of me, I have no idea why we always seem so anxious to run off and fight one group of Muslims on behalf of another group of Muslims?

Even Bill Clinton, hardly the most hawkish of presidents, couldn’t resist sending troops to Somalia. He only came to his senses when he realized that it might cost the Democrats some votes if the 6 o’clock news showed the American military killing black gangbangers. Besides, if that’s what he had in mind, he had no reason to go all the way to Africa. He could have found them far closer to home, in Detroit, Chicago, Philadelphia and, of course, Washington, D.C.

Of course he also sent troops to Europe in order to protect Muslims from Serbs. In that particular conflict, I’d have had to flip a coin before I could have chosen sides.

It strikes me that most people spend more time deciding on a side dish when they go to a restaurant than they do asking themselves if it makes any sense to mortgage their homes in order to send their kids to college. The college conspiracy has been so successful, that it’s become a given that every 18-year-old is entitled to a degree. People no longer even weigh the pros and cons. Unless the kid decides he or she would rather find a job and gather work experience instead of spending four or more years delving into the intellectual shallows devoted to black, Hispanic, gay and lesbian, studies, parents have been conned into regarding themselves as abusive if they don’t write out a check.

It’s pretty much the same way that middleclass parents feel if they don’t send their young’uns off to summer camp. But at least at camp, they learn to swim, ride horses and make lanyards. In college, they will have their brains washed and hung out to dry by left-wing pinheads, and, after four years and several thousand dollars, they still won’t know how to make a decent lanyard.

Finally, if you got nothing else out of this article, at least you can now claim that you actually read all of “War and Peace,” even if it didn’t happen to be Tolstoy’s.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

SORTING THROUGH THE RUBBLE

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by Burt Prelutsky

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Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443


Even the good news these days is tainted. For instance, the department of Homeland Security has granted the Romeikes, the German family seeking asylum, indefinite deferred status. That means they will not be deported back to their homeland, where they faced losing custody of their children because of their insistence on home-schooling the kids. The bad news is that our government took the case all the way to the Supreme Court, which wound up denying them asylum on a technicality.

What was the point? To frighten them? To prove America can be as intolerant as Germany? To show that even in the midst of the longest recession in our history and all of those pricey Obama vacations, we still have money to waste on pointless legal exercises?

Speaking of unanswered questions, I have often challenged my fellow conservatives by asking why they are so cavalier about sending their kids off to be indoctrinated by pointy-headed professors and why they continue to subscribe to left-wing newspapers, but two other questions come to mind. The first is why they continue paying dues to AARP when everyone knows that AARP was singularly responsible for foisting ObamaCare on us and why, with all the insurance companies in America, conservatives continue dealing with Progressive, whose owner is a major contributor to the Democrats.

On the heels of Lois Lerner telling the House Oversight Committee where to get off, we had a teacher’s union telling the police that their members can’t be drug-tested even when heroin paraphernalia has been found on two occasions in the faculty bathroom of a grammar school.

Frankly, I’d like to know where I can shop for one of these stonewalls and just how much they cost. Unlike Lerner and the drug addicted teachers, I haven’t done anything illegal, but, according to ObamaCare, merely being 74 years old may soon be a crime, and I’d just like to be prepared.

Recently, I watched a movie on TCM I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was “Lives of a Bengal Lancer,” starring Gary Cooper and Franchot Tone. I was reminded that there was a time -- in this case 1935 – when it was okay to make movies in which it was permissible to depict Muslims as evil blackguards. I’m not saying that they’re not still doing it occasionally. Arabs and Muslims were the bad guys in “True Lies,” “Delta Force” and “Argo.” But back in the days when they were churning out the likes of “Four Feathers,” “Gunga Din” and “Bengal Lancer,” not only were the movies better, but the villains were dealt with in a far more mature fashion.

In “Bengal Lancers,” for example, on two separate occasions, when a Muslim is captured by the British and refuses to cough up information about a planned ambush, he is not only threatened with death, but is also told that his sorry carcass will then be buried wrapped in a pigskin. In no time at all, they were squealing like little piggies. No need at all to deal with that messy waterboarding that so upsets squeamish liberals and John McCain.

Recently, while Obama was addressing the goofballs involved with Organizing for America, the group whose sole purpose is to promote his agenda, Obama told them “You’re doing God’s work.” So much for those who don’t believe the ex-community organizer has a messiah complex.

Sometimes you have to wonder if Obama really cares how many Senate seats his party loses in November. I mean, why would he force Senate Democrats to vote to install cop killer mouthpiece Debo Adegbile as a high-ranking member of the Justice Department? As things turned out, not even Harry Reid could carry that much water. But that’s beside the point. As if it’s not going to be hard enough for Democrats to get re-elected in November, thanks to ObamaCare, now a slew of them are going to be righteously smeared during their campaigns as being opposed to the 325,000 member Fraternal Order of Police, who had strongly urged a “No” vote on this scumbag.

Finally, I wasn’t the least bit surprised that at the recent CPAC event, Rand Paul once again ran away with the straw vote. That is easily explained by the fact that college Republicans are bused to the convention in disproportionate numbers. Although we are always talking about appealing to young Republicans, young Republicans are often appalling.

For instance, last year when I attended the GOP state convention here in L.A., I happened to glance out the hotel window and saw a large number of buses and vans unloading youngsters across the street. Ten minutes later, the young vandals were running and hollering through the main corridor, tearing down the posters for Romney, Santorum and Gingrich. Naturally, they had been bused in by the Ron Paul campaign.

I’m afraid Rand has inherited not only his father’s take on foreign policy, but his adolescent supporters. It’s no mystery why Rand Paul won CPAC’s mock election, garnering 31% of the votes (to 11%, 9% and 8%, respectively, for Ted Cruz, Ben Carson and Chris Christie). After all, 41% of those at the event voted to legalize marijuana.

I know that the GOP is always carrying on about enlarging the tent, but what’s the point if it’s going to be filled with pot smokers and pot fumes? To me, that sounds less like the Republican Party and more like a Democratic convention.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

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Monday, March 24, 2014

LIES, DAMN LIES & LIBERAL TALKING POINTS

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt's Webcast is every Wednesday at 1 PM Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443


According to Harry Reid, “There have been plenty of horror stories being told about the Affordable Care Act, but they’re all untrue.”

My initial reaction was to ask if people were going to believe Harry or their canceled health insurance policies. But then, after thinking about it a while, it occurred to me that the real horror stories are the lies Obama and his collection of sock puppets keep feeding us.

From Harry Reid’s point of view, the facts regarding low enrollment numbers, the small percentage of enrollees who are young and healthy and the inevitable loss of Senate seats to the GOP in November, are far more horrific than anything even I could conjure up.

It would make for a nice change if instead of forever whining about America’s having a prison for terrorists in Cuba, liberals would occasionally get outraged over Russia having a military base in Ukraine and puppet states in Iran and Syria. It would also make for a nice change if the mere thought of using military force against our enemies didn’t have them fanning themselves like old southern ladies suffering from the vapors.

After Barack Obama said the Senate vote that denied Debo Adegbile a major position at the Justice Department was a travesty, I felt it might not be my place to argue the point. After all, Obama has been personally responsible for so many travesties, who was I to question his expertise in that area?

Still, I thought his comment was a tad harsh, especially since it was a bipartisan vote in which seven Democrats joined with the Republicans to remind Mr. Adegbile, a lawyer formerly affiliated with the NAACP, that he had every right to work on behalf of a convicted cop killer and to lead demonstrations on his behalf, but that actions have consequences. And just because Barack Obama and Eric Holder have proven that being racial bigots isn’t always an obstacle to success, luck is no more equally distributed than wealth.

Speaking of wealth, it strikes me that Obama and his corporate buddies are using America as their own personal piñata. The dirty little secret on the Left is that nearly all the fat cats are in bed with the Democrats. That’s why no matter what sort of shellacking the insurance companies are likely to take as a result of the Affordable Care Act, written into the bill is a federal bailout. So while you lose your health care and your doctor, those guys won’t lose a dime. Period!

Besides, who do you think has been showing up these past six years at Obama’s $35,000-a-plate fund raisers? In exchange for their generosity, Obama not only underwrites all those doomed green energy companies with our tax dollars, but he sees to it that the Federal Reserve keeps printing $85 billion a month, so that Wall Street can keep setting records for the wealthy, while most Americans are left trying to survive long-term unemployment and 29-hour work weeks.

Vladimir Putin may not serve as a plague to the world for as long as Joseph Stalin, who ran the Soviet Union for 30 years, but it won’t be for lack of trying. George W. Bush said he looked into Putin’s eyes and saw his soul. I suggest that President Bush should never have left the house without his glasses. Rumor has it that later that same day, Bush also spotted the lost city of Atlantis, the Loch Ness monster and invited Big Foot over for bar-be-que.

But even Bush wasn’t as pathetic as Obama. The current occupant of the Oval Office seems to think that just because it works with his daughters, a time out is all it takes to make Putin toe the line. What Barack fails to grasp is that when Putin looks at his Obama Christmas card, he sees four females, not three, and he realizes that in a fight, Michelle is the only one he might have reason to worry about.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.



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Friday, March 21, 2014

REPUBLICANS AGAINST DEMOCRATS

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt's Webcast is every Wednesday at 1 PM Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443


In the ongoing battle between those on the right and those on the left, the big difference is that the former approach it with one hand tied behind their back and the other hand clutching the Marquis of Queensbury rulebook, while those on the left will knee, gouge and use blackjacks whenever necessary.

All things considered, when liberals merely settle for lying, they’re being on their best behavior. That’s why when it was discovered that Obama had been lying for three years when he repeatedly told us that we would all be able to keep our medical insurance and our doctors, he wasn’t compelled to say, “That being the case, let’s toss out the Affordable Care Act and start over. After all, its passage was based entirely on fraud, and that’s just not the way we do things in America.”

And when, in February, 2014, Kathleen Sebelius, aka Cruella DeVil, said that she had no idea where anyone had come up with the goofy notion that ObamaCare required at least seven million sign-ups by the end of March to be considered a success, I only wish I had been nearby to remind her that in September, 2013, a scant six months earlier, she had said, “Success would be at least seven million signed up by the end of March.”

Of course there’s always the chance she wasn’t fibbing. It could mean the early onslaught of Alzheimer’s. She really should go in for a check-up, and since she isn’t covered by ObamaCare, I’m sure she’d actually be able to find a doctor.

According to a recent poll, it seems that 80% of Democrats have their fingers crossed, hoping that Hillary Clinton will deign to run in 2016. No doubt many of them simply can’t wait to see her husband back in the White House. It might be something of a sticky wicket as to what his title would be. After all, he can’t be the First Lady, and we all know that calling him the First Gentleman would be laughable. I suppose First Hound Dog or First Creep would be appropriate, but, assuming the GOP doesn’t blow a very winnable election, it should remain a moot question.

Some think tank recently accessed government records that showed that the Obamas have taken about two dozen vacations over the past five years, costing the tax payers roughly $20 million. Frankly, I suspect that once you figure in all the additional costs of carting around the Secret Service, it’s much more than that. But in any case, I don’t think that Barack, Michelle or the kids, work so hard that they require four vacations a year. Furthermore, Camp David has already been set aside as a getaway for the First Family. It has all the accoutrements of a first class resort and, best of all, it’s just a short hop by helicopter from the White House. But I say if whoever is president finds Camp David inadequate, he or she should pay for their own damn vacations. They’re all millionaires, after all, so they can all afford to pick up the tab.

Speaking of the Pipsqueak-in-Chief, Obama, through his sock puppet Chuck Hagel, is calling for budgetary cuts to the Pentagon so that we’ll have a leaner, more flexible and efficient, military. So why is it that he simultaneously insists on a fatter, more sedentary and wasteful federal government? What rationale is there for cutting the Army down to 440,000 while constantly increasing the number of federal bureaucrats, a number that currently stands at just under three million? I mean, who are these civil service palookas prepared to fight? Besides the Tea Party and other conservative groups, that is.

When Obama and the Democrats display such favoritism towards federal bureaucrats, it all comes down to their acknowledging on which side their ballots are buttered.

In comparing the two parties, I find that the best one can often say for Republican politicians is that they’re better than those on the other side of the aisle. Once in power, Republicans never push back or really undo what the Democrats have done. They must think that would constitute unsportsmanlike conduct. Instead, they’re satisfied with the status quo, which means that once the liberals regain control, they merely pick up where they left off.

For instance, Ronald Reagan said all the right things, but he did nothing to diminish the size and scope of government, and, what’s more, the national debt rose under his stewardship. For his part, Bush foolishly engaged in nation-building at a cost to our treasury and to the lives of our soldiers, who were simultaneously trying to win a couple of wars. On the other hand, he did nothing to iron out the few wrinkles in our health care system, which would have probably prevented ObamaCare from wreaking such havoc on the people and the economy.

The best that can honestly be said for their presidencies is that they kept Jimmy Carter from having eight years in the Oval Office and prevented the likes of Walter Mondale, Al Gore and John Kerry, from having even four.

Finally, the expression “slightly pregnant” used to refer to a contradiction in terms, a cousin to an oxymoron. But for liberals, it’s become a legal technicality. For some of them, the “slightly” refers to an embryo not yet 27 weeks old, while to other left-wing nincompoops it refers to a nine month old baby getting ready to shake hands with the obstetrician.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

LUCY AT THE CANDY FACTORY

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt's Webcast is every Wednesday (Today!) at 1 PM Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443


In one of her classic comedy bits, Lucille Ball, as Lucy Ricardo, once got a job working on the conveyor belt packing chocolates. Every few seconds, the belt would speed up and she started packing the chocolates in a panic. Some went into boxes, others went into her mouth and still others went down the front of her dress.

There are times I feel like poor, bedraggled Lucy. The news just keeps getting worse and worse and it keeps coming our way faster and faster, and none of it tastes anything like chocolate.

For instance, people call Obama a dictator, and with good reason. After all, he keeps trampling on the Constitution, treating the House as if it were more like a motel. And with a disregard even for the optics, he employs the IRS and the EPA as his personal bully boys, using them to punish conservative groups and those companies whose owners have neglected to contribute to his political campaigns.

But he is a dictator unlike all others. Whereas Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Chavez and Putin, all wanted to make their countries stronger, this schmuck has done his best to weaken America by destroying our economy, mucking up our health care system and dividing us along racial, class and gender, lines.

And lest we didn’t get the message, he’s not only made us the laughingstock of the world by constantly drawing red lines in invisible ink, but he appointed as his Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, a knucklehead who had a truly undistinguished career in the Senate, marked only by contempt for Israel, and a bias against the military that is nearly the equal of Obama’s. So nobody should be too surprised that Hagel is leading the charge to cut the Army back to its pre-World War II numbers. But, then, who wants to squander tax dollars to finance a robust military when Russia, Iran, China, Syria, Yemen and North Korea, all have shown themselves to have only our best interests at heart?

Domestically, we could be making major advances if only companies stopped demanding or even requesting that their potential employees come armed with college degrees.

For one thing, colleges no longer help teach their young charges how to think. In fact, the opposite is true. Unless the students are prepared to regurgitate the nonsense fed them by socialist pinheads, they run the risk of not even graduating.

For another thing, most jobs can be mastered in a matter of months, if not weeks.

For a third thing, outstanding student loans now total $1.2 trillion, and, frankly, there aren’t that many outstanding students. Why do people who are going to be nursery school or grammar school teachers, social workers or, in fact, any liberal arts major, need to spend four or five years in college?

For that matter, the first four years of college are merely a way to separate parents from their hard-earned savings. Those who wish to become scientists, doctors, dentists, architects or engineers, should go directly from high school to high tech trade schools, saving themselves a lot of time and money.

I say if a person can learn to fly a military jet in a matter of months, a human being should certainly be able to learn how to be an accountant or an insurance agent in less than a year. And if a person intends to become, God forbid, a politician or go to work for the State Department, I would think he or she could master lying, cheating and stealing, without wasting three years in law school.

Finally, I read a study that confirmed something I’ve been saying for years; namely, that older people start forgetting things not because their brains are rotting away, but because they’re jam-packed with so much stuff.

It’s like moving into a house with an attic. Early on, everything is stored neatly and is easily accessible. But over the years, as the family begins tossing old clothes, photo albums, board games and furniture, up there, things start getting messy. For all their good intentions, old magazines start getting mixed up with picnic hampers and Nehru jackets. Neatness becomes clutter, clutter morphs into chaos. So good luck when you actually need to find something. Eventually, assuming you’re not one of those unfortunates plagued with dementia, you will come up with the long-discarded item -- or the misplaced word -- you’re searching for, but it might take a while.

Democrats, of course, don’t have the same problem. Their attics tend to remain as pristine as the day they moved in, completely empty, except, perhaps, for a few old Jimmy Carter bumper stickers, a stolen copy of Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” and a lot of spider webs.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
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Monday, March 17, 2014

"THE LATE BARACK OBAMA" and "PROUD TO BE A FLAT EARTHER"

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

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Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443


I apologize if some of you read the title of this piece and leapt to the conclusion that Joe Biden had ascended to the Oval Office, not that that would be cause for dancing in the street. Biden, after all, is a great champion of the Affordable Care Act and has been wrong when it comes to foreign affairs for nearly as long as Obama has been alive.

No, I was referring to Obama’s lack of punctuality. He is not only late when it comes to delivering his annual budgets, laughable as they are, but he’s even late when it comes to delivering his speeches, and we all know how much he loves the sound of his own voice. I can’t count the times that someone at Fox News – usually Bret Baier – would announce that Obama was about to deliver a speech, and 10 minutes later, he still hadn’t shown up. The camera would show the microphone, but there’d be nobody there. Finally, he’d stroll in –no explanation, no apology – and there would still be nobody, just an empty suit at the microphone.

What it tells you when someone is habitually late is that he regards himself as not only more important than anyone else, but more important than everyone else.

Next, I’m afraid I have to be more careful about my jokes. For instance, a while ago I pointed out that the administration was boasting about the decrease in the rate of unemployment, while ignoring the fact that the decline was entirely attributable to the millions of Americans who had simply stopped seeking jobs. I predicted that if things continued that way, eventually both the employment and unemployment rates would be zero.

Almost before I got the words typed, we heard that ObamaCare would cost us 2.3 million jobs, while an increased minimum wage would cost between 500,000 and a million jobs. What’s worse, the Democrats are actually trying to stick a smiley face on it. Cripes, isn’t there anyone in this regime who can take a joke?

Nancy Pelosi insisted that the loss of all those jobs would be wonderful because people would be free to pursue their dreams, unless, of course, their dreams involved actually working fulltime and earning a decent living.

If you sit down and read the Constitution, you will find that our forefathers, employing remarkable prescience, protected us from just about every imaginable contingency. The one thing they couldn’t protect us from was ourselves – and the electoral power of the lazy, the ignorant, the greedy and the envious.

Kathleen Willey, one of the many women Bill Clinton sexually assaulted, has recently pointed out that his wife aided and abetted him every inch of the way, starting way back when he was still the governor of Arkansas. Whereas the Democrats never stop accusing Republicans of waging war on women, Ms. Willey is right on the money when she says that Hillary Clinton is the war on women.

She’s exactly right. Not content with trashing the women that her husband attacked, Hillary Clinton dismissed all the women who accused ex-Sen. Bob Packwood of similar actions as “whiners.” How he treated his female staffers was of absolutely no concern either to Mrs. Clinton or to her vile cohorts in NOW. What mattered was that Mrs. Clinton felt she needed his vote in the Senate in order to help pass HillaryCare. And let us not forget that it was HillaryCare, not RomneyCare, which was really the precursor to the nightmare we know as ObamaCare.

Honesty compels me to admit that I can’t stand anything about Mrs. Clinton, including her voice, her eyes and that awful grimace that passes for a smile. In fact, I have always felt that when it came to the Clintons, as with the Obamas, it was the wives who possessed the Y chromosome.

Speaking of males and females, a textbook used at South Carolina University insists that Ronald Reagan, who not only appointed a woman to be Ambassador to the U.N., but, unfortunately, saw to it that Sandra Day O’Connor would be the first female justice on the Supreme Court, was a misogynist. The partisan textbook aside, I doubt that any woman would stay married to a misogynist for 52 years, putting up with a ton of embarrassing crap, unless, of course, she felt she had to in order to run for president herself.

I do not understand why the House Republicans are so reluctant to use the one power they possess, that of the purse, to rein in Obama. After all, if your kid acts like a spoiled brat, you cut off his allowance, and there’s never been a bigger brat than the one acting up in the Oval Office.

Finally, I am not one to sniff at free market capitalism, but I nearly keeled over when I heard that an Oregon company is selling action figures of Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and Eric Holder. I don’t know about the others, but if you want your very own Snowden, it will cost you $99 or just $60, if you merely want the little head, perhaps to stick on a little pike.

After wondering why anyone would want any of these figures, assuming they’re not into voodoo, the next question that comes to mind is what actions would be the most appropriate. The best I could come up with is that you might wind up the Snowden doll and watch it run off to Russia; wind up Assange and watch it sneak into your private papers; or wind up Holder and watch it sell weapons to Mexican gangster dolls.

PROUD TO BE A FLAT EARTHER

As you have probably heard, John Kerry, who is nearly as screwy as Al Gore, has announced that climate change “is the most dangerous, most fearsome, weapon of mass destruction.”

Inasmuch as Obama and his underlings have once again dragged out this bugaboo in hopes of currying favor with their base and redirecting attention away from the stench of the Affordable Care Act, it would be better described as a weapon of mass distraction.

Even if global warming, or whatever they’re calling it this week, wasn’t political chicanery posing as science, Obama, Kerry and the jack-booted thugs at the EPA, would be whistling in the wind. That’s because China, India and Indonesia, have no plans to shut down their coal-burning plants and withdraw quietly to the pre-industrial 19th century just so the brie-noshing, cabernet-swilling, swells can feel good about themselves. China, alone, for crying out loud, opens a new coal-burning plant every single week of the year.

Scuttling the coal industry in America will not only drive an economic stake through the heart of such states as Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia, but send the energy costs of every American soaring through the stratosphere, just as Obama swore to do in 2008.

The fact is that even if not a single lump of coal were burned in the United States, it would have no more effect on the atmosphere than I would have on the world’s water supply if I only showered every other day.

Possibly the biggest victim of the weather hoax is science itself. When those seeking grants and tenure forsake any pretense of being truth seekers, and go along with the notion of science being based on consensus and actually use the toxic United Nations to seal the deal, you know you’re dealing with liars and fakers.

Furthermore, these are some of the same folks that couldn’t create a workable website in spite of blowing several hundred million dollars and wasting three years in the attempt. They are obviously in no position to label those who question their technological expertise as paid-up members of the Flat Earth Society, as Obama and Kerry do with annoying regularity.

It just strikes me that if you can’t even produce a viable website, you’re on very shaky ground when it comes to trying to screw around with the world’s weather.

In 2008, when Obama boasted that his energy policy would send energy costs skyrocketing -- and still got elected – I assumed most people thought he was joshing. And when, as president, he unleashed the dogs of the EPA on the coal industry, I assumed most people sloughed it off as strictly between him and the folks in those coal mining states. But when he was re-elected last year, even carrying some of those very states, it merely convinced me that a lot of people can’t chew gum and vote at the same time.

Coal is responsible for 40% of our energy. If a foreign power had somehow deprived us of our coal supply, we would have gone to war with them. Well, not Obama, of course, but all our other commanders-in-chief would have. Hell, Obama wouldn’t have gone to war over Pearl Harbor

In case you’re not able to keep up with all the shenanigans Obama pulls off on behalf of those whose votes the Democrats require if they’re not going to follow the Whigs and Bull Moosers into the dustbin of history, he is opening gas stations offering free gas in 70 inner-city locations around the country.

Apparently, a little known provision of ObamaCare authorizes “improved transportation routes to hospitals.” As the regime’s argument goes, what good is this splendiferous new health care system if poor people can’t get themselves to the few remaining doctors? The first such station just opened, naturally, in Detroit. And, no, the customers, if you can even call them that, will not have to prove they’ll be using the gas to get to Henry Ford Hospital or Sinai-Grace.

The price tag attached to this giveaway is two billion dollars, and only a very backward child would believe it has any other purpose aside from persuading grateful recipients to use some of that gas to drive themselves to the voting booth on Election Day.

Finally, in case you missed the news, “Cover Oregon,” that state’s ObamaCare exchange, has spent $160 million and has yet to sign up a single person. In some quarters of the state, that has been the cause of high dudgeon, but I say, back off! After all, Obama blew nearly a trillion dollars on his stimulus bill and it led to no jobs, shovel ready or otherwise, and he’s still running victory laps over it.

The shmuck also wasted several hundred million of our tax dollars on Solyndra and other con games involving green energy, all for the benefit of his major campaign contributors.

It just seems to me that Oregonians who have twice voted overwhelmingly for Obama have no business getting all hissy over a paltry $160 million. One could say it’s merely a case of Oregon’s chickens answering that age old question by crossing the road in order to come home to roost.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

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Friday, March 14, 2014

GOLD MEDALS, FRIED CHICKEN & ANTIQUES

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Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt's Webcast is every Wednesday at 1 PM Pacific Time. Tune in at K4HD.com
His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443


Now that the Winter Olympics are over for another four years, let me say, at the risk of being regarded as a party pooper, that I think the Games are one of the worst ideas anyone has ever come up with.

As far back as 1948 and 1952, I knew that when people praised them as a way to bring nations together in peaceful competition, with the emphasis on the individual athletes, I knew I was listening to high-sounding hooey. I knew that because every day, the newspapers would let us know how many medals the U.S., the Soviet Union and East Germany, had won. And if it happened that the Commies were winning more gold medals than we were, we’d make a big deal about the larger number of silver and bronze medals we were taking home.

Future Olympics were no better. In Mexico City, we had arrogant, angry black American sprinters, raising their black gloved hands, displaying their contempt for the nation that had enabled them to have their moment of glory.

Then there were the games in Munich, which saw Arabs massacring the Israeli athletes. Other Games merely saw cities such as Montreal bankrupt itself in order to blow money it didn’t have trying to impress the world.

When it comes to corruption, it would be hard to beat the Olympic Committee, whose members are as open to bribes as the various governors of Illinois and the members of the California Coastal Commission. And as if that’s not bad enough, time and again, Olympic judges have shown they are quite willing to award medals based on politics rather than performance. But, then, you’re always asking for trouble when victory isn’t determined with a yardstick or a stopwatch, but by a bunch of clucks holding up cards with numbers written on them.

By this time, we all know that, among its many sins, one of the more notable ones connected with ObamaCare is that it provides a disincentive to work. The worst part of it is that it’s actually members of the workforce who will suffer. If those being laid off were politicians and federal bureaucrats, even I would have something good to say for Obama’s signature piece of abominable legislation.

Speaking of politicians, I can understand why those who rely on their party leaders for committee chairmanships and campaign contributions might be reluctant to display the slightest bit of independence. But when these schmucks finally get around to announcing their retirement, wouldn’t you think that for once in their pathetic lives, they would have the courage to wander off the reservation?

Wouldn’t you expect, for instance, Henry Waxman to say what he really thinks of Obama’s constantly siding with the Palestinians who despise us and negotiating with the Iranians, who want us dead, while showing nothing but contempt for our allies in Israel? But I guess 40 years of party fealty, otherwise known as gutlessness, is a mighty tough habit to break.

Being a regular reader of mysteries, I am at a loss when it comes to their being adapted to the screen. At least in the old days, the studios tried to stick pretty close to the original. If you read “The Thin Man,” you would have recognized William Powell as Nick Charles. If you were familiar with Sherlock Holmes, you’d have thought Basil Rathbone had stepped out of Arthur Conan Doyle’s pages. Although a great many actors have portrayed Philip Marlowe, including Humphrey Bogart, Robert Mitchum, Dick Powell, Robert Montgomery and James Garner, only Elliott Gould struck a really false note.

With a little makeup and a so-so Belgian accent, even Albert Finney made an adequate Hercule Poirot in “Murder on the Orient Express.”

But these days, the studios have gone nuts. Jeffery Deaver has written a series of books about a paraplegic, a brainy white guy who solves murders through the use of forensics, but when it came time to cast “The Bone Collector,” Denzel Washington got the role.

When James Patterson’s literary franchise, Alex Cross, a Minnesota police detective who has made a fortune designing computer programs and who drives expensive cars, came to the screen, he was a middle class black man, portrayed by Tyler Perry, living in Detroit. No fortune, no fancy wheels.

When it was time for Jack Reacher to reach the screen, Reacher, a nomadic former Army M.P. who stands 6’5” and tips the scales at 250, was portrayed by 5’7” Tom Cruise, who isn’t even big enough to have been an M.P.

Then there’s Robert Downey’s rendition of Sherlock Holmes. Downey is a fine actor, but he is nothing like Holmes, and the special effects are like nothing to be found in Doyle’s work.

My question is: why do they make these movies? If it’s to cash in on the popularity of the books, it stands to reason that the fans of the fiction are not going to care for actors who are entirely unsuitable in the roles. Instead, why don’t the producers simply have screenwriters create their own characters? That way, nobody stands to be disappointed, except if the movie turns out to be a stinker.

Something else I have never understood is why it’s offensive to connect black people with fried chicken and watermelon, but it’s quite okay to link Italians with pizza and spaghetti and Jews with blintzes and matzo ball soup.

Finally, the other night I was walking past the TV while my wife was watching “The Antique Roadshow.” So I picked up a pot lid, insisted it was a 16th century Spanish helmet and told her it was easily worth $9,000. I figure if the experts on the show can get away with that stuff, why shouldn’t I? Furthermore, I say that unless they’re prepared to write a check on the spot, those experts are just conning gullible people.

I mean, have any of you actually tried selling an antique? Now that’s a show I’d watch!

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

TED-IOUS NUGENT

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

Burt's Webcast Starts Today at 1PM Pacific Time!
You may listen live at K4HD.COM.
Get His First Show Rolling! Call Him at (225) 209-6188!


I understand that right-wing celebrities are in such short supply that we conservatives can’t help swooning over those whose politics jibe with ours. Still, should we be so enchanted that we are willing to overlook the fact that Ted Nugent appears to be both dumb and a potty mouth?

Mr. Nugent certainly has the right to say whatever he pleases about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, but when conservatives applaud his every obscenity, they do a disservice to our movement, and when Republican politicians like Greg Abbott, who hopes to be the next governor of Texas, embrace him, they do a disservice to their campaigns.

The question is, or should be, where do we get off complaining about jerks like Bill Maher, Michael Moore and Martin Bashir, who spend their lives leveling the crudest of insults at people like Sarah Palin, George Bush and Clarence Thomas, but then clap like trained seals when Ted Nugent does the same?

In other embarrassing news, it seems that Martin Luther King’s kids are once again fighting, this time over the sale of their father’s Nobel Peace Prize medal and one of his seven Bibles. This comes after Sotheby’s auctioned off 10,000 of his documents in 2006 for $32 million! What’s next? His gold fillings?

I keep hearing people theorizing that Hillary Clinton might not be running in 2016. Oh sure, and in other related news, the sun will no longer be setting in the west, the ocean tides will no longer be governed by the moon and Eric Holder will begin prosecuting blacks for hate crimes.

Because I believe that some of my cultural biases are shared by others -- people who have been so intimidated by elitists that they censor their true beliefs -- I feel it my duty to provide them with cover. Therefore, I hereby confess that in my opinion, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby,” Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick,” William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies,” Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden” and Ernest Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises” and “The Old Man and the Sea,” are six of the most boring books ever written and any high school English teacher who foists them on unsuspecting students is guilty of abusing his or her power.

Those movies that don’t run their credits until the end are yet another of my pet peeves. It’s basically a stunt they picked up from TV. The difference is that TV shows want to engage you immediately because they worry about those trigger fingers on the remote. But once you’ve bought your movie ticket, you’ve made your commitment. Short of a stink bomb being released in the theater or, as happens occasionally, on the screen, you’re not going anywhere.

A thought that often plagues me is why it is that the only time members of Congress ever seem to question the waste in government spending is when they’re trying to come up with the money to finance their own pork projects.

In much the same way, the only time these chuckleheads are willing to acknowledge that thousands of federal bureaucrats are unessential is when they’re sent home during government shutdowns. Why is it that even the Republicans never suggest they stay home?

Thanks to the leftist radicals who permeate the current regime, we have gone from a government of, by and for the people, to one that only seems to concern itself with the well-being of people who happen to be poor, and preferably black or Hispanic. When it comes to those who are white and, worse yet, middle class, the attitude of Obama and his stooges seems to be they can eat dirt.

I have long heard that if you love something, you should set it free. If the love is reciprocal, it will return. If only Obama would set us free, we could test out the theory. But I’m afraid Obama knows as well as I do how that would work out, which is why he’s keeping a death grip on that phone and that blasted pen.

Since time immemorial, pacifists have felt entitled to the moral high ground, even though war has often proven to be the only way to preserve freedom and liberty against those -- be they Communists, Nazis or Muslims -- who would like nothing better than to also deprive us of life.

The foolishness of that philosophy was brought home recently when Pope Francis released two doves in Rome, and those eternal symbols of peace were immediately attacked and slaughtered by two birds of prey.

It should have been an object lesson for those simpletons who believe that a strong military is a waste of money and the Second Amendment is a waste of parchment, but I suspect they were content to simply quote Darwin.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.



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Monday, March 10, 2014

"THE WORLD IS A BAD SOAP OPERA and "IT’S NOT HEARSAY, IT’S HERESY"

I'm sure that some of you feel guilty about reading three or four of my articles every week for free. Absolution is available by sending a donation to Burt Prelutsky at 16604 Dearborn St., North Hills, CA 91343-3604. PayPal also works.

Also, please check out the information on my radio show that is posted on my website.


by Burt Prelutsky

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The health and fashion magazines keep telling their readers that 60 is the new 50, and 50 is the new 40, and so on. We now have further proof that college is the new high school. It seems that the SAT, an exam that is supposed to establish which 18-year-olds are college material and which ones should consider getting into politics as soon as possible, is not only making the essay portion optional, but removing difficult words from the vocabulary part of the exam.

Apparently, anyone who can spell c-a-t and is willing to hock his or her future for a college loan is now deemed to be college material.

Speaking of places that have the effrontery to claim they’re institutions of higher learning, Rutgers’ Faculty Council passed a resolution calling for the university to rescind its invitation to Condoleezza Rice to be this year’s commencement speaker. The tenured pinheads based their objection on her having played a role in the Iraq War and in “Bush’s policy of enhanced interrogation techniques.” You know, those watery techniques used on a trio of Muslim terrorists that led to our finding and killing Osama bin Laden.

I have to ask: Is there any group of individuals that is simultaneously as stupid, arrogant and self-righteous, as those to be found on our nation’s college campuses? Of course I mean, aside from the members of the current administration.

Rutgers, I should add, is the same place that paid Snooki (real name: Nicole Polizzi) of the so-called reality show “Jersey Shore” $32,000 to share her wisdom at a couple of hour-long Q&A sessions. And you no doubt had been wondering what colleges did with all that tuition money they scarf up like industrial-sized vacuum cleaners.

While we’re on the subject of education, Barack Obama took a break from a visit to a pre-school – which is a heck of a thing for a place that claims to be a school to call itself –to give a press conference. He took the occasion to say, “Putin may have a different set of lawyers making a different set of interpretations, but I don’t think that’s fooling anyone.”

Wow! Kennedy said, “Ich bin eine Berliner;” Reagan said, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall;” and Obama stands around comparing lawyers. Rumor has it that on his way out the door, a four-year-old bullied Obama out of his lunch money.

In other news of the day, I have to admit that when I heard that some young New Jersey woman, possibly a friend of Snooki, was suing for child support, I naturally assumed she was suing a husband or a boyfriend who had dumped her and their kid. But it seems that the child was herself and that Rachel Canning, 18, was suing her parents because they insisted that so long as she lived in their home, she’d abide by their rules. So she moved out and tried to get the court to force them to support her.

In a voice mail to her mother, Rachel had said: “I really just wanna s--- all over your face right now because it looks like that anyway. Anyway, I f------ hate you and I’ve written you off. I’m blocking you from just about everything.” Isn’t that just like kids? They’ll say the nastiest things imaginable, but they’ll leave the door open a wee crack so you can still pay their bills.

In his decision, Judge Peter Bogaard ruled in favor of the parents, saying that to do otherwise “could open the gates to a 12-year-old suing for an X-Box or a 13-year-old suing for an iPhone.”

If I were the president, I’d have Judge Bogaard, clearly one of the very few sensible jurists in America, on my short list for the next opening on the Supreme Court in spite of that annoying extra “a” in his name.

At the very least, Ms. Canning should not have been allowed to sue for child support, but, rather, for brat support.

Moving on, I’d like to see the day when any American citizen who has the time and money to bring a lawsuit against the federal government is considered to have standing before the Supreme Court. For instance, the Affordable Care Act, which was strong-armed into existence four years ago by Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, doesn’t directly affect me. But as an American, why should I have to stand idly by while the bill wrecks the economy, destroys healthcare for millions of my fellow citizens and allows the president to shred the Constitution a little more every time he arbitrarily, and for purely partisan reasons, bypasses Congress and changes it by executive fiat?

And, finally, what the heck does Lois Lerner have on those guys on the Congressional Oversight Committee? Twice, she has refused to answer questions about the IRS scandal, once illegally hiding behind the Fifth Amendment after she had already spoken for the record, and twice she has been allowed to traipse out the door into that nutty parallel universe where she is still being allowed to collect her IRS pension.

In my world, contempt of Congress is regarded as an appropriate attitude. But, legally speaking, it also happens to be a crime that carries with it jail time. So why isn’t she being led out of the room in shackles with both incarceration and an IRS audit in her future?

This is a question I would love to be able to put to Committee Chairman Darrel Issa, but I suspect he, too, would take the Fifth.

"IT’S NOT HEARSAY, IT’S HERESY"

Several hundred years ago, an Italian astronomer named Galileo Galilei, which sounds like something a Swiss shepherd might yodel, was found guilty of heresy and placed under house arrest for insisting that the earth revolved around the sun. Unfortunately for Signor Galilei, this contradicted Church doctrine that had long contended the earth was the center of the universe.

Today, polling shows that one in four Americans actually believes that the sun spins around the earth. But it’s not because the Church tells them falsehoods. Rather, it’s because they’re stupid and because they, like the knuckleheads who parrot the nonsense about man-made global warming, are convinced they are dealing with “settled science,” a term concocted by liberal nincompoops for the purpose of silencing logical skeptics.

What those who stand to profit from the billion dollars Obama wants to set aside for those engaged in the climate hoax never tell you is what would be so terrible about a little more warm air. Oh, I know that Al Gore fed us a bunch of bull about melting ice raising the ocean level 20 feet and drowning polar bears and loons in San Francisco, but nobody has seriously paid any attention to the buffoon since he announced he invented the Internet.

If the earth warmed up so that people on the Atlantic coast would stop freezing every winter and the English could once again grow grapes, I think those would be good things. But, then, I also thought it would be swell if the Pacific Ocean wiped out all the polar bears and also took out the coastal regions of California, Oregon and Washington, wiping out 90% of west coast progressives.

Speaking of Oregon, it seems that Trader Joe’s won’t be opening a store in Portland because, according to a group of louts calling themselves the Portland African American Leadership Forum, “the store would increase the desirability for non-oppressed minorities” to shop there.

Portland, in an attempt to bring some prosperity to the neighborhood, offered a two-acre parcel of empty land appraised at $2.3 million for $500,000 to encourage development. The project was to include two large anchor buildings and 10 retail shops. What’s more, the construction was to be done by a company owned by blacks.

But that was before the PAALF weighed in with their objections. And you can understand their position. After all, who wants to have those damn white shoppers contaminating the hood? You’ve got to keep things pristine for the local pimps, hos and drug dealers.

Before you get too depressed, I’m delighted to report that the United Auto Workers lost in its attempt to unionize the VW plant in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Part of the reason could be that a starting worker was already earning $19.50-an-hour, whereas their counterparts in Michigan start out at $15.50.

In fact, as historian Ron Radosh pointed out in a recent article, membership in the UAW has fallen from a high of 1.5 million to the current 400,000. In addition, Michigan, which back in the days of union boss Walter Reuther, was the most unionized state in the union, is now strictly right-to-work. The writing is clearly on the wall; at the rate at which people are finally waking up, industrial unions will soon join those damn polar bears on the endangered species list.

Founding Father James Madison once wrote: “In framing a government to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: You must first enable the government to control the governed, and next oblige it to control itself.”

But there’s the rub, as we’ve watched Barack Obama assume the very powers that Madison, Jefferson and Adams, tried so hard to keep out of the hands of some future power-mad tyrant whose role model, alas, wasn’t George Washington, but, rather, King George III.

Finally, when I heard the news that a few flakes were closing down the nation’s capital, I jumped to the happy conclusion that the media was finally catching on to the truth about the current regime and its traitorous enablers at the Justice Department, the EPA, Health & Human Resources and the IRS.

But, to my chagrin, it seems they were only referring to the latest snow storm.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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