Wednesday, April 30, 2014

"REID, STEYER & OTHER LEFTIST SLUGS " and "AMERICA IS BARELY HANGING ON"


I know that a lot of people continue to call for Obama’s impeachment, but it’s an exercise in futility. The Republicans can’t, even though Obama has treated the Constitution as if it was an old rag, and the Democrats won’t. We had a great opportunity to dump him in 2012 and replace him with Mitt Romney, and we blew it.

That doesn’t mean that we have to sit back and patiently count off the hours until Harry Reid decides to retire. I have suggested that Nevadans recall him in the past and I continue to urge them to take action.

I have heard that Reid’s entire career is based on the support of the unions and the owners of Vegas casinos, and, quite frankly, I don’t get it. What is it that Nevada’s unions like about Reid? Is it his to-die-for impression of a zombie? Do they find his charm and wit so beguiling that they are willing to overlook the highest rate of unemployment in the United States?

And just what is it that the casino operators find so compelling about him? He hasn’t even been able to persuade the DNC to hold one of their presidential conventions in Las Vegas.

Now that he has shown his true colors by having his former aide, and currently the head of the Bureau of Land Management, sic the mad dogs of the BLM on cattle rancher Cliven Bundy, so that Reid can turn a personal profit off the acreage, what’s keeping Nevada’s Republicans from moving to have the old bastard recalled?

For that matter, why is it that Senate Democrats don’t rise up and get themselves another majority leader? Reid has shown the same disinterest as Obama in saving his colleague’s Senate seats in November. Frankly, their cavalier attitude even has me shaking my head, although I’d be fibbing if I said I didn’t appreciate their bizarre behavior.

When every red state Democrat is running as fast as his or her little legs can carry them from ObamaCare; when every oil state Democrat is pleading with Reid to let them at least cast votes supporting the Keystone pipeline; and when every coal state Democrat is begging Obama and Reid to stop trying to put America’s coal industry out of business, their rational pleas continue to fall on deaf ears.

Speaking of coal, leftwing environmental billionaire Tom Steyer, 57, recently awoke to find a massive lump of the stuff lying on a pillow by his head, reminding some people of the horse’s head the studio boss found in his bed in “The Godfather.” I could hardly be more delighted if he’d found that overnight his entire fortune had disappeared, all due to his failure to sign up with LifeLock.

As many of you are aware, Mr. Steyer has pledged $100 million to helping elect senators who share his environmental concerns and to defeat those who have managed to retain the brains God gave them. One of his major pet peeves is the Keystone Pipeline, and is the reason that Obama has decided to put off making a final decision about it until after the midterm elections.

Now I would think that if I were about to hand over $100 million to the Democrats, I’d expect Obama to stop it dead here and now, rather than risk that the day after the elections, Obama would call me and say, “Sorry, Tom, but I’m getting a ton of pressure from the damn unions, and I’ve got to green light the project.” But, then, Steyer has probably limited his gambling to Wall Street and has never played poker.

It now turns out that Mr. Steyer, whose resume includes stints at Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs is a major investor in Kinder Morgan, which has an alternative plan to the Keystone in the works. As if that’s not smarmy enough, Steyer made a large portion of his fortune in, of all things, coal! It seems that Farallon Capital Management, the firm he ran until recently, was heavily invested in foreign coal mining. So, apparently, it’s only American coal miners and the American coal mining industry that he finds so repellant, in much the same way that Obama, who claims to hate oil the way I hate gefilte fish, provided Brazil with two billion of our tax dollars so they could develop their offshore oil resources.

Because it was kept out of the news in 2012, at the behest of the White House, I only recently discovered that during Spring break that year, Malia Obama, then 13, took off for Oaxaca, Mexico in two jets, with 12 friends and 25 Secret Service men in tow. Inasmuch as we all paid for it, you’d have thought Michelle would have had the kid send out 300 million thank-you notes once she got home. But, alas, like mother, like daughter.

To be fair to the ladies in the family, one could say that Barack is the one who sets the tone. As you may have heard, during his recent Asian tour, Obama dined with Japan’s Prime Minister at a restaurant called the Sukiyabashi Jiro, where meals start at $300, and where one of the chef’s recommended courses involves an endangered species of blue fin tuna. So, although the Japanese are notorious for turning a blind eye, as well as a profit, on the slaughter of whales and rhinos, Obama is constantly trying to convince well-heeled pinheads like Tom Steyer that he can barely get to sleep at night from worrying about the plight of spotted owls and three-inch long delta smelts.

I can only imagine that when, upon his return, he’s confronted by the loons from the Sierra Club bearing hot tar and feathers at one of his endless fund-raisers, he’ll have no recourse but to insist that diplomacy required that he chew, but he certainly never swallowed.

AMERICA IS BARELY HANGING ON


Ihave heard for the longest time that ours is a nation of laws. So how is it that Barack Obama and Eric Holder haven’t gotten the word? In 2014, it seems that they get to pick and choose which laws to enforce and which to ignore.

And as if it’s not bad enough that they turn a blind eye to laws dealing with illegal immigration, traditional marriage and drug traffickers, Obama gets to bypass Congress and revise his signature piece of legislation three dozen times. Then, for good measure, if anyone cries “Foul!,” Holder and Obama pull out their matching His and Her crying towels and insist it’s only because they’re blacks.

For the longest time, I’ve said that political life should be a hardship, so that fewer lowlifes would be attracted to it. Maybe if we made members of Congress sit on rickety chairs or have offices the size of broom closets, we’d see a better sort of human being going to Washington, more Mr. Smiths and fewer Mr. Reids and Mr. Boehners.

For reasons I’ve never figured out, Presidents are expected to make an appearance at the site of natural disasters, be they floods, earthquakes or giant mudslides, such as the one that recently buried Oso, Washington. In the case of Barack Obama, I gather the purpose of his showing up is to remind people that there are far worse disasters than the one they just survived.

Speaking of survival, prior to the 2012 presidential election, I wrote that I believed that America could survive four more years of Obama, but I wasn’t at all certain it could survive an electorate that would elect him to a second term after we’d seen what a wretched job he’d done during his first four years.

Nothing he’s said or done since then has changed my mind or dispelled my fears. How can one not fear for the future of the Republic when so many people are oblivious to what Obama and his cronies have been up to when it comes to tapping the phones at the Associated Press, covering up the killing of four Americans in Benghazi and turning the IRS into an arm of the Democratic Party – with its power to punish, truly the strong arm of the Democratic Party.

But millions of Americans, including the liberals in Congress, don’t seem to object to the fact that their President spent three years lying to them about the Affordable Care Act, insisting they would be able to keep their doctors and their health insurance when he not only knew those statements to be false, but that he’d have never gotten the bill passed in the first place if he hadn’t lied, no matter how many members of Congress he, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, bribed and bullied.

In Nevada, the Bureau of Land Management confronted a cattle rancher, Cliven Bundy. Apparently, the BLM (or BM, for short) had the law on its side, Bundy having had several judges rule against him, insisting that he pay the feds for grazing rights, in addition to the fees he’s been paying to the county and the state.

One can safely assume he holds the courts in much the same contempt as the rest of us. And by us, I’m including Mr. Obama, Mr. Holder, Joe Biden, Elijah Cummings, Chuck Schumer and Lois Lerner.

Still, you would think the storm troopers who showed up to steal Mr. Bundy’s cattle would be aware that optics matter. The big trucks and heavy artillery was bad enough, but it made me sick to my stomach seeing them bring in snarling German shepherds. Surely I wasn’t the only one who flashed on Nazi death camps and Birmingham’s Eugene (“Bull”) Connors.

The three things I hadn’t known about the State of Nevada v. Cliven Bundy was, one, that the alleged crime he was committing was grazing cattle in a tortoise habitat; two, that the federal government owns 86% of the entire state; and, three, that Sen. Harry Reid wanted Bundy’s spread in order that his friends could build solar panel power stations.

My take on it is that turtles aren’t that fussy, and could be moved to Arizona to work on their tans. The federal government shouldn’t own any land unless it’s used as a military base or a national park. And it should be enough that Reid has so many generous friends in the unions and the casino business. After all, Nevada is a very small state, so it doesn’t cost all that much to run and win an election.

In case you hadn’t heard, the IRS is going to withhold tax refunds from about 400,000 people because they claim that 30 or 40 years ago, one of their relatives received a disability check or a Social Security payment to which they weren’t entitled. All of these shenanigans by the feds make you wonder if Putin would consider invading the United States if we said, “Pretty please.”

While John Kerry makes an ever-bigger fool of himself trying to promote a two-state solution in the Middle East, while ignoring the fact that the Palestinians refuse to even recognize Israel, I can’t help thinking that he would be better served if he advanced a two-state solution here in America, so that liberals and conservatives could finally and peacefully go their equal, but separate ways.

While delivering a speech to a gathering of fawning females, Hillary Clinton had a shoe thrown at her. “Was that a bat? Was that a bat? Is that someone throwing something at me?” she yelped.

To which I would have responded, “At this point in time, Mrs. Clinton, what difference does it make?”


©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, April 28, 2014

"A NATION OF FLAWS" and "BLACK NINNIES IN THE NEWS"



We like to think of ourselves as a nation of laws, but, increasingly, it has become a meaningless term. For one thing, there is nothing great about obeying laws that are indecent. Slavery, after all, was perfectly legal for several decades in the United States, as was Jim Crow. Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union had just as many laws as we did. So it’s high time we quit mouthing the cliché as if it were Holy Scripture.

In recent years, the whole notion of our being a nation of laws has been turned completely on its head by the current administration. Whether the laws deal with the definition of marriage, illegal immigration, drug dealers or health care, Barack Obama and Eric Holder, have taken it entirely upon themselves to determine which laws are to be enforced and which are to be ignored.

Just recently, the House and Senate voted unanimously for a bill that would deny a visa to Iran’s choice for ambassador to the U.N., Hamid Aboutalebi, or to any other suspected terrorist. But even after signing the bill, Barack Obama announced that it wasn’t binding, that so far as he was concerned, it was merely a suggestion. But is anyone really surprised that even though all 535 members of Congress finally agreed on a piece of legislation that he then signed into law, the emperor didn’t consider it binding if, say, he decided he’d like to run up to New York City and talk about the good old days with Mr. Aboutalebi.

That brings us to Eric Holder. We all know him as the distinguished-looking, soft-spoken, Attorney General. We also know him to be a scofflaw who has already been cited for Contempt of Congress. But I only recently found out that, as an Afro-sporting radical at Columbia University in 1970, he was a leader of a group called the Student Afro-American Society (SAAS) and took part in an armed takeover of the Naval ROTC building on campus, demanding that it be converted into the Malcolm X Lounge.

The event took place one month after the arrests of 21 Black Panthers, who were charged with plotting to blow up department stores, railroad tracks, police stations and the New York Botanical Gardens. Not too surprisingly, it was a group supported by the SAAS. It certainly helps explain why Attorney General Holder refused to arrest and indict the members of the New Black Panther Party for intimidating white voters in 2008.

Although Columbia’s Dean Carl Hovde deemed the occupation of the ROTC building illegal and a serious violation of university policy, he displayed the usual lack of backbone we have come to expect of college administrators by declining to prosecute or expel the members of the mob. It’s worth noting that 10 years later, the Malcolm X Lounge became a favorite hangout for young Barack Obama.

Speaking of left-wing pinheads, you probably noticed that although Harry Reid was one of the people who decided that Major Nidal Hasan’s killing and injuring over 40 people at Fort Hood, while pledging his troth to Osama bin Laden,, was “workplace violence,” he labeled the American men and women who stood with beleaguered Nevada cattle rancher Cliven Bundy, and faced down federal agents armed with snarling dogs and automatic weapons “domestic terrorists.”

Still, I had to laugh when Reid appeared the next day on a Las Vegas TV show and actually referred to “domestic tourism” before correcting himself.

But not to be overshadowed by Sen. Reid, we had billionaire nanny Michael Bloomberg grabbing headlines by pledging $15 million to fund gun safety legislation. If he weren’t more ninny than nanny, don’t you think that Bloomberg would have simply written a check to the National Rifle Association? After all, over the years, no group has done more to promote gun safety in America.

Looking to the midterms, I have a hunch that, knowing that they can’t possibly hold on to the six Senate seats that could determine whether they retain control, the Democrats will concentrate on financing and winning just one or two. Ever since Harry Reid decided that only 51 votes were required to pass legislation– actually only 50 because of Joe Biden’s constitutional right to cast tie-breaking votes – the Democrats don’t need to hang on to all of them. It also explains why Obama has shown no desire to help those senators whose political futures are in jeopardy by signing off on the Keystone XL Pipeline.

As is usual when it comes to poll results, I didn’t take heart in the fact that a recent one disclosed that 37% of Americans believe that Obama lies most of the time, that 24% believe he lies some of the time or that 20% think he lies only once in a while. Instead, I focused on the 15% who are convinced he never tells a whopper! Who are these people? Are they all institutionalized or is there a way I could lure them into a poker game?

Or perhaps the explanation lies in a joint study by medical researchers at Harvard and Northwestern proving that smoking marijuana causes permanent brain damage. Upon learning of the report, rumor has it that Barack Obama, who was an admitted pothead in the old days, said, “Can’t prove it by me, dude.”

When asked if he disputed the study, Eric Holder said, “There’s an ongoing investigation and therefore I can’t comment,” just before eating another brownie and nodding off.

BLACK NINNIES IN THE NEWS

Both Barack Obama and his mini-me, Eric Holder, felt the necessity of addressing the goony birds who flocked to Al Sharpton’s annual National Action Network, a confab that gives racially inclined extortionists the opportunity to get together and compare notes.

When it was Holder’s turn to bellyache at the dais, he said, “What other Attorney General has ever had to deal with that kind of treatment?” He was referring to his appearance before a congressional committee a day earlier, at which Republican representatives had the temerity to wonder when he would actually produce documents relating to the IRS targeting of conservatives.

If I’d been present, I would have responded to Holder’s plaintive question by saying, “Sorry, but there’s an ongoing investigation and I’m not free to comment.” The only problem is that I might be found guilty of copyright infringement for using those twelve words he has established as his personal trademark.

Democrats always come across like amnesiacs, totally unaware of the way they’ve treated Republicans. For instance, judging only by the things liberals said about them, you would think that former A.G.s, people like Ed Meese, John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzalez, had all been child molesters. Hell, John Mitchell actually went to jail for doing far less than Eric Holder, who has been involved in scandal after scandal, starting with Operation Fast and Furious, and including the tapping of reporters’ telephones and his refusal to indict the Black Panther Party for intimidating white voters in 2008.

If Republicans dare utter an unkind word about ObamaCare, possibly the worst single piece of legislation ever foisted on the American people, the Left labels them racists, having conveniently forgotten that they called for Reagan’s impeachment and George Bush’s assassination.

Although I have been a baseball fan all my life, I have always had mixed feelings about Hank Aaron. He was a great baseball player, but I always found him a less than admirable human being. For one thing, although he broke Babe Ruth’s record for home runs hit in a career, 755-714, I always thought that he should have pointed out that whereas Ruth reached that total in 8,399 at-bats, it took Aaron 12,364 at-bats.

Now it’s not Aaron’s fault that Ruth spent his first five seasons pitching for the Red Sox, but I thought a classy guy would have pointed out that it took him an extra 4,000 plate appearances to break the record, especially since Aaron only hit more than 45 dingers once in a single season, whereas Ruth exceeded that number nine different times.

But when I really came to disrespect Aaron was when I heard him interviewed 20 or so years after he retired and he mentioned that a lot of white people had written him vile letters as he was closing in on the Bambino’s sacred record, and he had kept them all stored in his attic so he would never forget.

Well, it so happened that back in 1974, when he broke the record, I sent him a letter congratulating him on his accomplishment. Even if he wasn’t the hitter Ruth had been, there is something to be said for staying healthy, consistent and productive, for so many years.

I didn’t hear back, but I assumed he had received a ton of such laudatory letters. But, if he did, he’s never mentioned them. Instead, he has chosen to focus entirely on the hate mail from bigots that were probably scrawled in crayon.

Recently, he said he has kept the hate mail now for 40 years, no doubt to keep the flame simmering under his racism. In spite of the fact that the President of the United States and his Attorney General are black, Aaron, now 80 years old, recently stated, “There’s not a whole lot that’s changed since then. The big difference is that back then they wore hoods. Now they wear neckties and starched shirts.”

The trouble with people like Obama, Holder, Charley Rangel, Elijah Cummings, Sheila Jackson Lee, Maxine Waters, the crew over at the NAACP and Mr. Aaron, is that they choose to see the world through black-colored glasses.


©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

MY READERS CHIME IN


As many of you already know, I refuse to access links or watch videos on my computer. I have tried to get the word out that although I appreciate my readers thinking of me, I don’t care to spend my time that way.

Recently, I spelled it out for one of them: “Years ago,” I wrote, “ when I was still reviewing movies, the pornographic “I Am Curious Yellow” was the talk of the nation, but I decided I didn’t wish to see it. At about the same time, because I was writing for Los Angeles magazine, I was offered tickets to the scandalous stage show, “Oh, Calcutta!” which I also decided to skip. I simply made up my mind that it wouldn’t kill me to be the only person at a cocktail party who couldn’t offer an opinion.


“In the 50 years since then, I have lived my life accordingly, and I’ve had no regrets. So if I miss out on something terrific because I don’t wish to deal with an endless supply of links and videos floating out there in cyberspace, I know that I will somehow manage to survive.”

Another reader, Marty Robinson, responding to my contention that a four year college degree is essentially a large and expensive waste of time because most jobs can be mastered in a matter of months, if not weeks, wrote, “While a friend of mine studied ‘communications’ at the University of Illinois, I took a 13-week course at Midwestern Broadcasting School. I got a job immediately upon graduation, so that I had four years of experience and was making a good salary when he started looking for his first job.”

Mac, a reader in Arizona, in referring to something negative I had written about legalizing marijuana, wrote that “The purpose of pot is to dull the senseless,” a line, I contend, that rivals anything Oscar Wilde ever wrote.

Although I could keep quoting my brilliant readers, I shouldn’t make them do all the work. So let me state for the record that every time I see Juan Williams mugging and rolling his eyes whenever Steve Hayes, George Will, Bret Baier or Charles Krauthammer, points out yet another misstep by Obama and his acolytes, Juan should understand that Fox viewers are not sitting home, nodding in agreement with the only person on the network even dumber than Bob Beckel. I dare him to roll his eyes when the Prince of Fox, Bill O’Reilly, is pontificating. Juan would wake up in Newark and never know what hit him.

To those who insist that Putin was within his right to annex Crimea because so many of its citizens speak Russian, while choosing to ignore the fact that Hitler used a similar rationale when he annexed Danzig and Czechoslovakia in the 1930s, I wonder what they would say if Mexico decided to invade Texas, Arizona and California, because so many of their residents se habla Espanol.

Someone else that the pinheads continue to laud is the self-righteous traitor, Edward Snowden, ignoring the fact that this defender of our Constitutional rights first ran off to China and then sought refuge in Putin’s Russia, twin paragons of liberty and human rights. If he’s looking for a catchy moniker, I’d suggest “Moscow Rose.”

In response to homosexuals who insist that their right to commit bizarre sex acts trumps the rights of others, and who seek out Christian bakers, florists and photographers, and insist they provide their services in celebration of same-sex marriage ceremonies, Alex Torres, a William F. Buckley Fellow at the National Review, carried out a dandy little experiment.

Mr. Torres contacted a large number of New York City bakeries, asking if they would bake a cake featuring a swastika. Not too surprisingly, none of them would. That doesn’t mean they’d refuse to sell cakes or donuts to a neo-Nazi out of uniform who walked in off the street. But they felt they had the right not to comply with a request that they do something they sincerely regarded as odious. And you can bet the ranch that no homosexual would take them to task for refusing to do so, although there is no law that prevents knuckle-draggers from being Nazis.

And yet gays insist that they suffer a psychic toll every time someone declines to make a buck by taking part in a ceremony that offends their religious convictions, a toll comparable, to hear them tell it, to the radio announcer who watched the Hindenburg go up in flames: “Oh, the humanity!”

Finally, it seems that the five states that boast the greatest gap between rich and poor are California, New York, New Jersey, Michigan and Illinois, all states that went solidly for Obama in 2008 and 2012.

It suggests that either income inequality isn’t as big a deal as the liberals keep insisting it is or that, like long term unemployment and the treasonous wars Obama and the EPA continue to wage against the coal and oil industries, the Democrats have typically found a way to use them to their political advantage.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

THESE ARE EMBARRASSING TIMES


Ibelieve it was Confucius who warned about the hazards of living in interesting times. I assume that was because they tended to be times of war, famine and pestilence, the sorts of things that tend to appeal to historians seeking grist for their mills.

I am wondering if our current age, a time when just about everything from our pop culture to our political leaders, but definitely including our idols, our media and even those places laughingly referred to as centers of higher education, are better described as embarrassing than interesting, will be a lode worth mining for anyone but scamps like me.

For instance, because the fascists who run CAIR, a front group for Hamas, object to Ms. Ayaan Hirst Alin’s message, she was uninvited to speak at Brandeis University. Actually, Ms. Alin, who has collected death threats the way a magnet collects steel shavings because she dares speak of the horrors that women face in the Islamic world, was slated to receive an honorary degree and deliver the commencement address until Brandeis President Frederick Lawrence, proving that even a man without a spine can somehow manage to stand erect, rescinded the invitation.

For those unaware, Brandeis was founded in 1948 as a Jewish-sponsored secular liberal arts university. Two of its founders were Rabbi Israel Goldstein, who retired to Israel, and Albert Einstein. For personal reasons, Einstein quickly cut his ties to Brandeis. But I feel I am safe in assuming that both men would be spinning in their graves if they heard that the same university that has bestowed honorary degrees on the likes of playwright Tony Kushner and the Nobel Prize winning anti-Semite, Desmond Tutu, two men who despise Israel even more than I hate barley soup, had caved to Muslim fascists.

As a Jew, the cowardice shown by Brandeis gives me that same warm feeling in the pit of my stomach usually associated with the onset of nausea.

It might be worth noting that in his former life, Frederick Lawrence was a lawyer specializing in civil rights. To me, that sounds a lot like having “ex-community organizer” on one’s resume.

But when it comes to cowardice, Lawrence is no more craven and corrupt than the media and the rest of academia, which consistently portray the Palestinians as the good guys in the conflict between them and Israel. One constantly hears that it’s five million Israelis pushing two million Arabs around when the reality, to anyone who isn’t a rabid Jew-hater, is that the two million Palestinians are merely the poisoned point of the spear used by 200 million Arabs and Muslims who refuse to even recognize Israel’s right to exist.

In addition, we should never lose sight of the fact that it is often the case that those who relish in promoting themselves as underdogs are sometimes simply sons of bitches.

As for those American Jews who believe that by siding with Israel’s enemies, they are showing themselves to be tolerant, highly principled and holding the deed to the high moral ground, they only prove that no matter how well-educated you might be, no matter how weighted down with college degrees, if you lack wisdom and commonsense, you merely come off as foolish and arrogant.

Speaking of which, I recently saw a photo of Gloria Steinem, the rich and spoiled doyen of the feminist movement. She was wearing a t-shirt that boasted “I Had An Abortion” and she’s holding her arms aloft and grinning, like a boxing champion. And somewhere, I suspect some schmuck was wearing a t-shirt that bragged “I Knocked Up Gloria Steinem” and, instead of just grinning, he’s laughing out loud.

In his desperate attempt to ward off a Republican takeover of the Senate in November, Obama has predictably fallen back on the old chestnut about women earning only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes. Even though his own Department of Labor calls that one a whopper and even though his own White House was called out for paying females 88 cents compared to a man’s dollar, Obama pushed ahead.

He did it because women, particularly single women, who at other times tell the world how empowered they are, thanks in good part to grotesque role models such as Gloria Steinem, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton, seem to enjoy being treated like simpering little girls by the Big Daddy Democrats.

But even the lying liberals never say women get paid less for doing the exact same job, but for comparable jobs. They then get to work fictionalizing which jobs are comparable. They will say, for instance, that being a nursery school teacher is comparable to being a cop or a fireman, but never address the fact that women who wear a police badge or fight fires are paid the same as their male colleagues, and they have to cope with things even more dangerous than a pissed-off four- year-old who’s missing his oatmeal cookies.

The proof that the campaign is a fraud is as plain as the nose on my face. And believe me, that’s about as plain as it gets. After all, if it were true that companies could get the same work done by paying women 77 cents on the dollar, why on earth would they ever pay men more? Do you know any companies that are so misogynistic they would add 23% to their payroll rather than hire women?

To be fair, when they talk about the White House underpaying female staffers, it’s because they’re comparing people in different positions, cabinet members, for instance – nearly all of them male –with their secretaries. Now I’d be the first to acknowledge that the secretaries of the various Secretaries are undoubtedly more honest and competent than the likes of John Kerry, Chuck Hagel, Jack Lew, Thomas Perez, Arne Duncan, Eric Shinseki, Ernest Moniz, Jeh Johnson and Eric Holder.

But we all know that, as is often the case, honesty and competency have to be their own reward. In Obama’s White House, especially, they have as much place as a time-of-arrival betting pool on the Titanic.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, April 21, 2014

"CONUNDRUMS" and "THE BOGUS ERA"


In the immortal words of Oscar Hammerstein's King of Siam, “Is a puzzlement.” Everything from the media’s silence when it comes to Benghazi to liberal voters not being even slightly perturbed by Obama’s constant lies about the Affordable Care Act, or the fascistic activities of the IRS, leaves my head spinning.

A reader of mine we’ll call Ray sent me six contradictions that sum up the thinking of Progressives, or at least what passes for thinking in those bizarre quarters. It begins: “One, America is capitalist and greedy, and yet half the population is subsidized. Two, half the population is subsidized, yet they regard themselves as victims. Three, they think they are victims, yet their representatives run the government. Four, their representatives run the government, yet the poor keep getting poorer. Five, the poor keep getting poorer, yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about. Six, they have things that people in other countries only dream about, yet they want America to be more like those other countries.”

It seems that in spite of Nancy Pelosi predicting that the Democrats will be running on ObamaCare this November and Obama’s running victory laps over the number of alleged enrollees, Obama keeps trying to pivot the discussion from his signature piece of legislation to the economy. Good luck with that. Nothing like bragging about fewer people holding down fulltime jobs than when there were 30 million fewer of us than there are today, and with the promise that between ObamaCare and a higher minimum wage there will be between three and five million fewer people employed in 2016 than there are today.

When a reader named William let me know that terrorist-cum-professor-cum Barack Obama’s best bud, Bill Ayers, was the scion of a very wealthy family, I wasn’t too surprised. In America, as in Western Europe, communists often emerge from a life of privilege. They feel that their status, though not earned, is fully deserved, and entitles them to dictate how others should be forced to live.

In my own extended family, we had a number of poor communists and an equal number of wealthy, obnoxious, knuckleheads who never stopped parroting fanciful lies about the glories of the Soviet Union. Those relatives without money were a lot easier to stomach because as wrong-headed as they were, they weren’t hypocrites living a lie and they weren’t arrogant.

Speaking of the rich, while I am delighted to see the Koch brothers donating a ton of cash to electing Republicans to the Senate, I would love to see them finance a campaign to recall Harry Reid. Considering the role Reid has played in promoting ObamaCare, the fact that Nevada has the highest unemployment rate in the nation and that he is very much involved in the Bureau of Land Management’s attempt to seize Cliven Bundy’s cattle ranch so that his cohorts can erect a solar panel power station on the property, I would think persuading Nevadans to dump the walking cadaver would be both easy and delightful.

Lest anyone think I am merely a mouthpiece for the GOP, let me say that I would also enjoy seeing John Boehner gone from the scene. The rest of us know that the prime purpose of these numerous congressional committee hearings is to get the Republican chairmen face time on TV, not to get to the bottom of the endless scandals in which this administration has become embroiled. But Bonehead Boehner continues to dither around, refusing to appoint special counsel with the power to jail perjurers, while the scandals fade, gather cobwebs and ultimately fall off the radar, much like that Malaysian jetliner.

Everyone but anti-Semites will readily acknowledge that until the Palestinians agree to at least recognize Israel’s right to exist, no U.S. President is going to see positive results from his attempts to broker a peace agreement. So why do they keep trying to place a dead horse before a broken cart? As with immigration reform, until an actual wall is erected along our entire southern border, it is nothing but a phony political football for Democrats and Republicans to kick around at election time.

Finally, according to a Bloomberg report, divorce is actually a boon for the economy. The report points out that when a couple call it quits, there is a need for moving vans, a second household with new furniture and dishware and, of course, pay days for two sets of lawyers.

I expect that the next Bloomberg report will point out the glorious financial advantages of death, what with the need for cosmeticians, gravediggers, casket makers, florists, hearse drivers and, where needed, professional mourners.


THE BOGUS ERA

Idoubt if there has ever been a time when obvious lies and sheer humbug were ever as widespread as they’ve been over the past couple of decades. But, then, I don’t believe we have ever had as many really stupid people eating, breathing, voting and taking our parking spaces, as we have today.

I believe there are many causes for this dismal state of affairs. To begin with, there was the generation that came of age in the 1960s, arguably the largest group of arrogant and narcissistic youngsters America had ever seen up to that point. Alas, they, in turn had millions of children and grandchildren, even though they trumpeted the Roe v. Wade decision as if it were the Second Coming.

Those louts then elected Jimmy Carter, who betrayed the Shah of Iran, thus ushering in three decades of Islamic terrorism; Bill Clinton, who first tried foisting HillaryCare on us and then settled for turning military bases into gun-free zones; George W. Bush, who kept insisting, parrot-like, that Islam was a religion of peace; and Barack Obama, whose litany of sins is simply too lengthy to list.

Over that same time frame, homosexuals have gone from being hounded for their practices to being the moral arbiters of the nation, a role that they are ill-suited to play. For one thing, they like to pretend that their status is the same as that of blacks who were living in Birmingham in the early 60s.

They actually compare religious Christians who object to providing cakes and flowers for same-sex marriages to Dixie lunch counter owners who denied service to black patrons. They’re so far off base, it’s almost obscene. For one thing, there were no alternative lunch counters that would accommodate blacks, whereas the gays had to go out of their way to find the bakers, florists and photographers, whose religious beliefs would compel them to sacrifice the fees.

Furthermore, you’ll note that none of the gays who sued ever claimed they had been banished from the place of business, no matter how the proprietors may have felt about sodomy. It always came down to those wedding ceremonies.

The gays, who have seen virtually every court rule in their favor and every company they have pressured knuckle under to their demands, have proven themselves to be the one thing more contemptible than sore losers, and that’s sore winners!

Still, I would be remiss if I didn’t offer them a piece of well-meaning advice. It wasn’t that long ago that the psychiatric profession labeled homosexuality a mental disorder, and sodomy laws were strictly enforced in certain locales. Well, pendulums, being pendulums, tend to swing back over time. So if I were a homosexual, I believe I would leave well enough alone and not make such a major to-do over same-sex marriage, especially since statistical reality, unlike media coverage, shows it to be a low priority item for most gays.

If we didn’t live in an age of such willing dupes and useful idiots, even liberals would have to acknowledge that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, who stated their own objections to same-sex marriages in 2008, hadn’t had a moral epiphany when they switched their positions. I’m not saying that a middle-aged man and an elderly woman can’t experience a sincere change of heart. But, injected with sodium pentothal, I’m betting that even Michelle Obama and Chelsea Clinton would admit it was only the realization that gays represent a fairly sizable bloc of votes and extremely deep pockets that explain the sudden conversion.

Speaking of Mrs. Clinton, I find the notion of her succeeding Obama into the Oval Office as an even worse nightmare than the one in which I find myself married to her. In fact, after writing an article in which I stated that, considering his tortured early life, which involved being abandoned by his father, his stepfather and, ultimately, his nutburger of a mother, it’s probably to his credit that Obama didn’t wind up a serial killer, a reader questioned my conclusion by bringing up the tragic massacre at Benghazi.

In response, I wrote, “I get your point, but considering that, as Secretary of State, it had been Mrs. Clinton’s decision not to supply the additional security that Ambassador Stevens had constantly begged for that led directly to the deaths of four brave Americans, I consider her the serial killer. As I see it, Obama’s role was limited to driving the getaway car and coming up with the phony alibi.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Friday, April 18, 2014

OBAMA, GAYS AND BETTING ON THE OSCARS


Where does Obama keep finding these guys? As if Eric Holder wasn’t horrible enough, Obama tried to push Debo Adegbile, whose most notable achievement was keeping a cop killer from being executed, into the Department of Justice, turning it into even more of a sewer than it already was.

Next, he decided to make Vivak Hallegere Murthy, who apparently regards the Second Amendment to be a greater threat to the nation’s health than booze, tobacco and Katherine Sebelius, put together, America’s Surgeon General.

Obama has also hired an Afghan immigrant named Mohammad Rasool to be a financial management analyst for the IRS. Odd even for Obama, considering the fact Mr. Rasool had a friend who just happened to be connected to al-Qaeda. What’s more, he tried to help his chum evade a terrorism probe by the FBI. Ultimately, the friend was arrested, convicted and deported. Mr. Rasool was arrested, placed on probation for two years and, perhaps by way of apology for causing a Muslim the slightest bit of embarrassment, given this gig with the IRS.

I’m just asking, understand, but doesn’t Obama know any guys named Tom, Steve or Charlie? And is it just me, but doesn’t “Barack” sound like the noise you make when you’re trying to clear your throat?

Speaking of which, when I get on a plane, I want the pilot and co-pilot to have names along the lines of Jack, Bob or Hank. Perhaps if they’re English, Canadian or Australian, they can be named Philip, Ross or Jonathan. What I don’t want is to board a jetliner and hear a voice on the PA say: “Welcome aboard Malaysia Airlines. This is your pilot, Zahara Ahmad Shah and I know I speak for my co-pilot Fariq Abdul Hamid when I say Allah Akbar. Now sit back, relax and prepare to die, infidel dogs!”

My own theory about the missing airliner is that it was abducted by a James Bond villain, and is probably concealed on an island with a retractable roof. The only other possibility that has occurred to me is that the Bermuda Triangle has moved to the Indian Ocean.

When I recently wrote about my idea to present a little figurine called the Neville to the biggest wienie on the world stage, a reader wrote to say that England’s hapless pre-WWII prime minister, Neville Chamberlain, after whom my booby prize was named, and our current commander-in-chief were exactly alike. I begged to differ. Chamberlain, I pointed out, was an Englishman of the old school and always carried an umbrella, whereas Obama carries a parasol.

I don’t watch very much TV, except for old movies on TCM, a few shows on Fox News, the New York Yankees during baseball season and one or two English mysteries. So it wasn’t too surprising that I was late discovering the sit com “Modern Family.” One reason I’d avoided it is that I hate getting hooked on shows because they can be so time-consuming. Another reason is that I knew that one of the three families involved was a homosexual couple.

It wasn’t out of any hatred of gays. Having worked most of my life in Hollywood, I have nothing against them so long as they’re not tying up traffic with their goofy parades; running amok in churches; or pretending that a same-sex marriage is just the same as any other, only better, as one of George Orwell’s characters in “Animal Farm” might have said.

My reason was that I had gotten so sick and tired of having every homosexual I encountered in movies or on TV portrayed as not only the fount of all wisdom, but kind and warm, funny and generous, the best friends and finest neighbors anyone could possibly imagine, but nobody has ever had.

When I finally broke down and watched “Modern Family,” I was surprised to discover that Mitchell and Cameron have all the foibles and frailties of every other dopey character on the show, and then some. Just like real life.

In fact, I have only one problem with “Modern Family”: except for the kid who plays Manny, I can barely understand a single word slurred by the other three teenagers on the show. Just like real life.

Speaking of things pop cultural, I am here to offer a tip to those of you given to betting on the Academy Awards. Because Hollywood places such a premium on good looks, they tend to be in awe of anyone who gains or loses a lot of weight for a role or someone, especially an actress, who allows herself to look less than her best on screen. Right there, you have the explanation for Robert De Niro winning an Oscar for “Raging Bull,” Matthew McConaughey winning one for “Dallas Buyers Club,” Shelley Winters winning for “The Diary of Anne Frank,” Charlize Theron for “Monster” and Ann Hathaway for “Les Miz.”

Academy voters are also overly impressed if people go against their previous image, which explains the Oscars that went to Frank Sinatra for playing the dorky Maggio in “From Here to Eternity,” and former good girls Donna Reed and Shirley Jones playing bad girls in “From Here to Eternity” and “Elmer Gantry,” respectively.

But, best of all, in a town where actors generally decide whether or not to accept a role only after counting their lines in the script, you can’t top playing someone who can’t or won’t speak if you have your eye on an Oscar. Jane Wyman won for “Johnny Belinda,” but she was also raped in the movie, so Ingrid Bergman, Olivia de Havilland, Irene Dunne and Barbara Stanwyck, never stood a chance.

Other non-speakers who walked home with Oscars were John Mills for “Ryan’s Daughter,” Daniel Day-Lewis for “My Left Foot”, Holly Hunter” for “The Piano,” Jean Dujardin for “The Artist” and Marlee Matlin for “Children of a Lesser God.”

But Ms. Matlin had the ultimate advantage of actually being deaf, so Sissy Spacek, Jane Fonda, Kathleen Turner and Sigourney Weaver, might as well have stayed home and re-arranged their canned goods.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

IF I WERE A FOX CONTRIBUTOR


Recently, Laura Ingraham was a guest on Howard Kurtz’s Sunday Fox show, “Media Buzz.” She offered what I thought was an intelligent solution to a problem that has been annoying me for some time.

As we all know, Fox remains an oasis on TV, the only news network that isn’t in the tank for Obama and the liberals. However, in attempting to comply with Roger Ailes’ desire that Fox be “fair and balanced,” too many shows have fallen into the habit of teaming up a liberal and a conservative, and having them spend five or ten raucous minutes shouting over each other and trading insults. We wind up with a lot of heat and absolutely no light.

Ingraham’s suggestion was to unload the liberals and, instead, invite conservatives on board and let them hash out their differences. She’s right. We already know the liberal positions because we read them in every newspaper and we hear them trumpeted every day over at the three major networks, along with CNN and MSNBC.

It would be far more enlightening to hear Republicans share their differences over immigration reform, same-sex marriages, gun laws, health care and foreign policy. What’s more, we would be spared ever again having to listen to the likes of Juan Williams, Geraldo Rivera, Bob Beckel and Alan Colmes, flapping their gums.

In a related matter, if members of the media, people like Juan Williams and Rachel Maddow, are going to tell us how wonderful the Affordable Care Act is, I want them to announce whether they’ve signed up for the platinum, gold or silver, plan. And if they haven’t, it only goes to show how much brass they have to constantly act as shills for ObamaCare.

In 2012, pollster Nate Silver was the darling of the Left because he not only predicted that Obama would be re-elected, but got every swing state right. Then, for an encore, he predicted which turkey would receive a presidential pardon. This year, simply because he said that the GOP had a 60% chance of taking back the Senate, they suddenly began questioning not only his honesty and qualifications, but his legitimacy. Talk about killing the messenger. If they take a mere prediction this hard, imagine how they’ll carry on when they actually lose the Senate and watch Harry Reid revert, Cinderella-like, from the second most powerful politician in Washington to just another cranky mouse.

The pro-abortion females, composed for the most part of women who keep telling us how empowered they are, give the game away every time they pretend they can’t afford a few bucks a month for birth control pills, and need the rest of us to finance their sex lives.

Another annoying habit of theirs is to equate abortions with health care. How is it they inevitably fail to factor in the cost to the emotional and mental well-being of those who undergo the procedure? I don’t buy for a second that most women don’t pay a huge price for ending the life that is taking place inside their wombs.

Obviously, I am not referring to the likes of Sandra Fluke, Wendy Davis and the cold-blooded harridans who hang out at Planned Parenthood, and who seem to believe that murdering the defenseless is their birthright.

Some of those man-on-the-street interviews that have begun to permeate late night television are just plain funny. But recently, a man took his camera and microphone to the campus of American University, which just happens to be located in Washington, D.C. He asked a cross section of students if they could identify just one current member of the U.S. Senate. Most could not.

He also asked how many senators there are. They didn’t know that, either, so it’s no surprise they also had no idea how many senators are allotted to each state. Their embarrassing guesses ranged from five to a dozen.

But all is not lost. Almost without exception, they knew that the hit song from the animated film “Frozen” was “Let It Go.”

Understand that unlike most of those segments that are shot on Hollywood Boulevard or in Times Square, where you wouldn’t stand out from the crowd if you were dressed up as a gorilla or were wearing two coke spoons as earrings, this is a place where the yearly tuition is $41,316.

I suppose that some would say that parents who balked at forking over $165,264 for an education that apparently places a higher premium on music trivia than on civics are cheap and small-minded.

I, on the other hand, would say that parents who subsidize their children’s education only to discover they don’t know the first thing about their government are not cheap and not necessarily small-minded, but they are definitely suckers.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, April 14, 2014

MOVIN’ ON UP TO THE WHITE HOUSE


There used to be a TV sit com in the 80s called “The Jeffersons.” The central characters were a married black couple, George and Louise. George had worked hard and parlayed one dry cleaning store into a successful chain, enabling them to move into an expensive apartment in a luxurious high-rise. Success quickly went to George’s head, turning him into a blowhard and a bigot. Critics referred to him as the black Archie Bunker.

When I look at Barack Obama, aside from the hard work, I unfortunately see a lot of George Jefferson in him, when what the nation needs is a president more reminiscent of Thomas Jefferson.

Like George, there is nothing Obama finds more enchanting than the sound of his own pomposities. But whereas Mrs. Jefferson was a kind and sensible woman who did her best to keep her husband from floating off on his own hot air emissions, Obama’s wife is not only an enabler, but is a royal pain in her own right.

For instance, in the tradition of people named Obama to trash America when they’re in foreign lands, Michelle told the Chinese that it wasn’t long ago that there were laws on the books that discriminated against people like her and her husband. It was bad enough that she didn’t play up the fact that it was also thanks to America that she, as a beneficiary of Affirmative Action, went to an Ivy League school, and, oh, by the way, her husband has twice been elected President. But even worse is that she chose to whine in a country where couples are prohibited from having two children, regularly abort females, and where people are required to have internal passports before they can move from a rural area to a nearby city.

However she feels about the past, it would only be good manners if just once she expressed a word of gratitude to the American people for picking up the tab so that she, the kids and her mother, could scratch so many items off their respective bucket lists.

One final thing she neglected to mention was that all of those vile discriminatory laws were written, enacted and enforced, by Democrats like Orval Faubus, George Wallace, Albert Gore, Robert Byrd and “Bull” Connor.

Speaking of Democrats, I began referring to Harry Reid as “The Undertaker” because he looks and sounds like the stereotype we all grew up with, but the other day it occurred to me that the moniker is even more appropriate because his chosen role as the Majority Leader of the U.S. Senate is to bury any piece of legislation passed by the House Republicans, while at the same time deriding them as do-nothing obstructionists.

Until she killed herself, I had never heard of fashion designer L’Wren Scott, 70 year old Mick Jagger’s 49 year old lady friend. Not being religious, I don’t have a basis upon which to condemn her act. Without knowing what led her to hang herself, I simply assumed she felt she had a good reason to commit what I have heard described as a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

But, being nosy, I decided to check her out. It seems her real name was Laura Bambrough, and that she invented that cockamamie name with the apostrophe all on her own. Perhaps the explanation is that having been 6’3”, she had banged her head once too often on low-hanging branches.

However, what I found unpardonable was that a woman had reached middle age and was so unconcerned with other people or charitable causes that instead of leaving her $9 million estate to friends, relatives, medical research, wounded British soldiers or even an orphanage for cats and dogs, the dingbat left it to Mr. Jagger, who is already worth $328 million!

As many of you already know, I despise college athletics because they are so rife with corruption. Now, the National Labor Relations Board, which never met a union it didn’t adore, has decided that the football players at Northwestern are free to unionize. So it is no longer enough that the ability to play a game garners these guys free college tuition, food, health care and an unlimited number of cheerleaders; now the NLRB thinks they should also get a paycheck.

Back in the day, there was a joke going around that college all stars like Kyle Rote (SMU), Hugh McElhenny (U of Washington) and Charlie “Choo-Choo” Justice (U of North Carolina), all had to take pay cuts when they turned pro. Thanks to the chowderheads over at the NLRB, it could soon be reality.

Bruce Braley, who’s running for the Senate in Iowa, dissed Sen. Chuck Grassley as a farmer who, unlike himself, never attended law school. Knocking farmers in Iowa strikes me as a very goofy campaign strategy. But even goofier, it would seem to me, is actually bragging about being a lawyer.

Finally, the world’s diplomatic buffoons are running victory laps after signing yet another of those absurd nuclear non-proliferation pacts, even though among those not signing were Russia, China, India and Pakistan.

Still, I’m sure we’ll all be sleeping better tonight knowing that Lichtenstein, Luxembourg and Papua, will not be nuking anyone in the near future.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

NO-BRAINERS


These days, you can't go an hour without someone insisting that one thing or another is a no-brainer. They mean that something is so obvious that even a child of six or seven could figure it out. But I suspect that more times than not they are guilty of over-estimating the intelligence of the American public.

These are the folks, after all, who re-elected Barack Obama. They also keep electing boobs like Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Sheila Jackson Lee, Chuck Schumer, Barbara Boxer, Brad Sherman and Patty Murray, to represent them in Congress. Politics aside, these are very stupid people. They and the knuckleheads who vote for them are literally no-brainers.

If you’re looking for additional evidence, we the people actually stood by and allowed public sector workers to unionize. These are the people who vote as a bloc and get to negotiate their contracts with politicians. In other words, when they go on strike, unlike when private sector unions call for a work stoppage, the other side has nothing to lose. Nothing is coming out of the pockets of the politicians. It’s not their money that’s going to subsidize those over-inflated pensions; it’s ours. The pols risk nothing for caving. Instead, they stand to gain campaign contributions, volunteers and votes.

Another stupidity that took place under our noses was allowing 18-year-olds to cast ballots. Everyone knows that teenagers make lousy drivers and can’t hold their liquor, so who ever thought they should be deciding elections?

I realize that at one time, the argument was that if they were old enough to be drafted to fight and die for their country, they should be old enough to have a say in who’s running the country. But even back in the day, I thought that was only a cogent argument for allowing youngsters in the military to vote. I didn’t see how it pertained to civilians. These days, the idea that a kid who is still getting an allowance from his parents, and getting his news from Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and David Letterman, can cancel out my vote is a moral outrage.

In the past week, I have heard three professional atheists on talk radio. For all I know, it may have been the same guy. The truth is, they all sound alike. They’re all cranky and whiney, and sound as if they suffer from terminal constipation. If they simply didn’t believe in God, it would be one thing. But that’s never enough with them. The way they go on about how upset they get each time they see a cross, how they get weak in the knees and feverish, and start jibber-jabbering about the First Amendment -- which says nothing about symbols, but simply prohibits Congress from establishing a religion -- it’s a wonder these pathetic mooks can ever get a date.

It seems that in England, over the past two years, more than 15,000 aborted and miscarried fetuses were burned to help heat hospitals. I guess it’s fortunate that they weren’t burning coal, or English environmentalists would have been storming the barricades.

A few hundred years ago, Irish-born satirist Jonathan Swift suggested that the English should eat their children, but even he didn’t suggest they should use them for heat.

With the 2016 presidential election on the horizon, I don’t think it’s too early to suggest ground rules for the Republican challengers. First, keep in mind that you will never be the media darling. The NY Times will pretend to respect a Republican, as they did with John McCain in 2008, but only until he gets the nomination. Unfortunately, even after the Times brought out the heavy artillery, he never wised up. He really did buy the baloney that he was a statesman, which is why he refused to even refer to the vile Rev. Jeremiah Wright during the entire campaign.

It would make for a nice change if the Republican challengers didn’t spend four months supplying the enemy with eight months of ammo. Wouldn’t it be great if the candidates would stick to telling us why we should vote for them instead of giving us all the reasons to hate the other guys? If only they could grasp the simple truth that we already know those reasons only too well. Mainly, there are two. The first of these is that they’re all politicians, and therefore not to be trusted with your money or your women. The second is that they are certifiably insane, proven by the fact that each of them is convinced that in a nation of 320 million people, he alone should be the anointed one.

Speaking of he who belongs in a loony bin and not in the Oval Office, Obama actually said with a straight face that Putin’s invasion of Crimea “will simply diminish Russia in the eyes of the international community.”

How divorced from reality does a person have to be to speak of the international community in glowing terms, ignoring the obvious fact it is a community made up mainly of gangsters, thugs and jihadists, or did China, North Korea, Syria, Afghanistan, Yemen, Pakistan, Uganda, Venezuela, Cuba, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia and Somalia, all take off for parts unknown while my back was turned?

Frankly, I’m only surprised that Obama hasn’t thought to confront Putin with his ultimate threat: holding his breath.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

AMERICA IS THE NEW JEW

Note: This is a change from 1PM

For thousands of years, the Jew has served the world as its most popular scapegoat. If crops failed, a battle was lost or an economy tanked, tyrants would invariably blame it on the Jews. Adolf Hitler wasn’t the first and he hasn’t been the last. Throughout the Middle East, whatever troubles beset an Arab or Muslim nation, you can bet that the resident kingpins are blaming it on Israel.

But in more recent years, the United States has become a target. When the economy bottomed out under Venezuela, Hugo Chavez blamed the U.S. When Iran has trouble building a nuclear bomb or Syria’s al-Assad has a problem defeating the rebels, they blame us and the Israelis. When the world speaks out against Putin’s attempts to restore the Soviet Empire and the Russian economy finds itself in the toilet, he blames America.

Actually, being blamed by despots for being at the root of their problems is a badge of honor. Our problem is that instead of being led by Moses, as was the case with the Jews, we’ve chosen to saddle ourselves with a leader who far more closely resembles King Herod.

Before people tried to watch Barack Obama deal with Vladimir Putin, they should have been warned – especially children and the faint of heart – that it could be traumatic. I mean, if this administration wasn’t prepared to defend Crimea, we should at least have had weapons on their way to the Ukrainians and those promised missile defense systems on their way to Poland and the Czech Republic the day after the Russkies crossed the border. At the same time, we should have announced that we were reversing our present course and increasing the size of our military, contrary to Obama and Hagel’s earlier plan to gut it.

Because programs generally need a slogan to sell them to the voters, I would have suggested “Billions for Defense, Bubkas for Food Stamps.”

If I didn’t despise Obama for all the things he’s done to America in his attempt to radically transform it, I might feel sorry for him. After all, this is a guy who has coasted through life like a traveling salesman, relying on a smile and a spiel. Suddenly, he has come face to face with the reality that you can’t keep the peace by calling for time-outs with people like Putin and the Ayatollah Khomeini the way you can with Sasha and Malia. Affirmative Action, he has finally discovered, can only carry you so far.

Speaking of frustrating activities, is there anything more pointless than two guys arguing over the existence of God? It seems to me that people should be free to believe or not to believe, as they see fit. Believing in God doesn’t make people good, just as doubting His existence doesn’t make them bad. Among the more prominent atheists, you will find Katherine Hepburn, Jawaharlal Nehru, Marlene Dietrich, Randy Newman, Mark Twain, John Malkovich and Penn & Teller. Among the more prominent believers, you will find Osama bin Laden and a great many Mafia dons.

Aside from Islam, which I regard as an evil cult, I personally prefer those who believe in something greater than themselves to those like Obama, Hugh Hefner and Bill Maher, who appear convinced there could be nothing greater.

The people I don’t get are those like Englishmen Richard Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens, who seem or seemed totally preoccupied with proving the non-existence of God, and, of course, those folks who paid good money to sit and listen to them debate believers. Frankly, I would rather watch a soccer game than watch two people trying to prove or disprove the unprovable. If ever there was a case for live-and-let-live, I would think this would be it.

Speaking of things English, teachers over there are being encouraged to grade papers using green ink instead of red. England’s educational nannies, who are obviously trying to match our own, inanity for inanity, regard red as too harsh, even though English students apparently prefer red because it’s easier to read.

Still, assuming the nannies aren’t entirely daft, they may have a point. So when I insist that Obama is the vilest disaster to ever befall America, I want him and the IRS to know that I mean it in the nicest green way imaginable.

My friend Bernie Goldberg recently wrote an article in which he questioned whether Obama is delusional or merely political. Personally, I think he’s both. On the one hand, he is clearly a partisan creature who is willing to lie, cheat and wipe his shoes with the Constitution, in order to promote his agenda.

At the same time, he seems to ignore the polls and even the desertion of House and Senate Democrats, who have finally awakened to the fact that blindly following his lead was turning them into lemmings who would inevitably topple over the edge of the electoral cliff.

But, ask yourself: why wouldn’t he be delusional? Here’s a middle-aged man who, as a young boy, was abandoned by his father, his step-father and, ultimately, by his nutburger of a mother, who dumped him on his aging white commie grandparents.

With that background, it’s no surprise that he wound up so loony that he actually believed his election would mark the lowering of the ocean and the healing of the planet.

The biggest surprise is that, with such a torturous upbringing, he didn’t wind up a serial killer.

On the other hand, if he had, he would only have had a handful of victims, and not an entire nation, and by now would probably be in jail, not the White House.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

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Monday, April 7, 2014

"THE MAGICAL, MYTHICAL, SEVEN MILLION" and "THE CHURCHILLS: WARD & WINSTON"


We have heard Obama blathering for so long about seven million sign-ups to the Affordable Care Act being a sure sign of success that, like the audience at a magic show, we have fallen for the misdirection that is the secret of every magician’s sleight-of-hand.

To begin with, we are being asked to ignore the fact that millions who have signed up used to pay for their own health insurance before ObamaCare forced their policies to be ruled null and void. Next, we are asked to ignore the fact that a large percentage of those people being counted haven’t even made their first payment and, therefore, aren’t actually enrolled. And, finally, we are asked to overlook the fact that, initially, we were told that 40% of the new sign-ups had to be young and healthy -- the so-called invincibles -- the latest estimate is that the number is closer to 25%.

Still, even if we go along with their numbers, we are still left with a question that nobody connected to the current regime has answered. Namely: what’s the big frigging deal -- to channel my inner Joe Biden -- about seven million? When Obama, Pelosi and Reid, were shoving this humongous suppository up our collective tuchis, they insisted it was to insure the 40 million people who had no health insurance. So even if they have seven million signed up, and even if we don’t drive the point home that this law forced six million policies to be cancelled by the end of 2013, seven million only represents a mere 18% of those 40 million.

For such dismal results, it would take a moron like Obama to invalidate the patient-doctor relationship, cripple the nation’s economy, hurt small businesses and up-end a health care program that worked just fine for the overwhelming majority of Americans.

It is poetic justice that Obama not only earned Liar of the Year honors for constantly fibbing about people’s ability to retain their health insurance and their physician, while simultaneously saving $2,500-a-year, but his arrogant intransigence is likely to cost his party control of the U.S. Senate.

It was clearly unconstitutional for Obama to change the Affordable Care Act by executive fiat more than 40 times. But it was just plain dumb of them to suggest that extending the deadline for those people who were allegedly in line to sign up was the same as allowing people to vote past the official deadline if they were already in line at their polling place. What they have chosen to overlook for obvious reasons is that only one day is allotted for voting, whereas people had six months in order to enroll in ObamaCare.

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) is at it again. This time, they’re marshalling their demonic forces to kill a documentary, “Honor Diaries,” devoted to depicting violence against women in the Muslim world. This is violence that takes the form of female genital mutilation, so-called honor killings and the forced marriage of little girls to mature, often elderly, men.

Predictably, CAIR’s first success took place at the University of Michigan, Dearborn, where they managed to get a scheduled screening cancelled.

Because the spokesmen for CAIR are always well-dressed and well-spoken, it is easy for some people to ignore its ties to Islamic terrorist groups, such as Hamas. Whenever they decide Islam is being portrayed in a bad light, no matter how factual the portrayal happens to be, they declare it “Islamophobic.” And America’s pinheads can always be counted on to cave, justifying their abject cowardice by calling it religious tolerance.

CAIR is not the first gang of thugs to employ intimidation in order to silence honest criticism. Before America entered World War II, the German American Bund, Hitler’s spies and devotees in this country, used the same tactics against those who dared to suggest Nazi Germany wasn’t a land of peaceful shepherds and lyrical milk maids.

Iran has announced that they will be sending Hamid Aboutalebi to New York to be its ambassador to the U.N. The fact that Mr. Aboutalebi was one of those behind the hostage-taking gang of Islamic blackguards in 1979 has many people in a dither, which is perfectly understandable. But I feel they are taking their eye off the big picture. The question isn’t whether he should be allowed to take his seat at the big round table, but why are we still hosting and subsidizing such a vile bunch of schmucks.

The U.N. is filled with the likes of this miserable Muslim terrorist. The only two things its members ever do is accuse Israel of committing crimes against humanity and deliver bogus jeremiads about global warming, whose main purpose is to turn America into a third world nation.

Just in case you were wondering who Obama has in mind when he speaks so glowingly about the international community, without whose participation we can never move against Syria or Iran, and who, he feels, are deserving of the last word when it comes to our Second Amendment, the Internet and the environment, the airhead is referring to the likes of China, Russia, Cuba, Venezuela, Indonesia, Pakistan, Laos, Afghanistan, Haiti, Saudi Arabia, Rwanda and Turkey.

These are not nations with whom we should be sitting down, seeking either their counsel or their approval. They simply do not belong in a gathering of civilized nations. Frankly, where they belong is in a textbook devoted to toxicology.


THE CHURCHILLS: WARD & WINSTON

In my book, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” one of the questions I asked of all my subjects, who ranged, alphabetically, from Ablow, Keith, a prominent psychiatrist, to Zucker, David, a famous screenwriter-director, was which eight people who had ever lived, they would invite to a dinner party.

Being conservatives, it wasn’t too surprising that two people who would never have to pay for another meal if they ever showed up ready to tie on the old feedbag, were Jesus Christ and Winston Churchill.

I have a feeling that if I had, God forbid, interviewed liberals, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and even the phony Indian, Ward Churchill, would have wound up with a lot of meal tickets. Although perhaps by this time, Ward might have to give up his seat to make way for that other phony Indian, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, at the big pow-wow.

Still, I think that when trying to get a handle on the distinctions between Democrats and Republicans, you won’t go wrong if you compare how those in either group feels about the two Churchills, as does the regard in which the two groups hold, say, Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton or, for that matter, God and Barack Obama.

Speaking of he who has managed to yank the title of Worst President in U.S. History from the grasp of Jimmy Carter, the one thing you have to admire about him is that he’s never content to rest on his withered laurels. Instead, we get to watch him go public with his predictions in the NCAA basketball tournament while Vladimir Putin rolls his tanks into the Crimea and his Russian cohorts tweet insults in America’s direction. Obama certainly gives “March Madness” a whole new meaning.

Frankly, it was something of an eye-opener for me. In past years, when he made his tournament selections, I assumed he was tossing a bone to his base – the young and stupid, which sounds like the name of a soap opera. But this year, because of what the Russian bear has been up to, he has convinced me that in what passes for his mind, a college basketball competition really is more important than the fact the world is perched on the precipice of what could be World War III.

As for what’s happening in Eastern Europe, a friend sent me the following: “The U.N. Security Council is deeply concerned with the situation in Ukraine. The reason being that so far, no possible reason to blame Israel has been found.”

Even if I were to bang my head on something, knock myself out and wake up thinking I was a Democrat, I’d like to think I would question how it is that Barack Obama can keep taking multi-million dollar vacations, only to come back in time to lecture his guests at $35,000-a-plate fund-raisers about the horrors of income inequality.

When you get right down to it, if poor people didn’t exist, the Democrats would have had to invent them. In that respect, as well as others, they resemble drug dealers who are constantly turning dummies into addicts.

Finally, I don’t often send emails to people I don’t actually know unless they write to me first. So, although radio talk show host Hugh Hewitt is a subject in my book, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” I’ve never met him. We conducted the interview via email.

But the other day, after listening to his show and one of his usual pleas for charitable donations, I sent him the following message:

“Dear Mr. Hewitt: You are obviously a good man, but these food drives you regularly conduct seem to be pointless because there is never an end to them. Has it ever occurred to you that instead of constantly trying to provide food for the needy around the world who can’t feed their own children, you might consider promoting birth control?

“On one of the spots, I recall you mentioned a woman who had six children she couldn’t feed. I understand that the children already exist, but the fact remains that there are Americans who might like to have six children or two or even one, but don’t because they know they won’t be able to support them.

“I hate the idea of children starving in Haiti and Guatemala or anywhere else on earth, but your food drives put me in mind of the line from the Bible about the difference between giving someone a fish and teaching that person to fish. You don’t even try telling them how to bait a hook.

“I’m not trying to get you to stop what you’re doing, but you’re not really addressing the main issue if you don’t at the same time get serious about the major cause of the problem. And that doesn’t happen to be the generosity or lack of generosity of your listening audience, but the irresponsibility of people in Third World countries who choose to place their own desire to have or at least make babies over the wretched lives they’ve doomed those babies to endure. Regards, Burt.”

So far, I’ve not heard back. But just in case those of you who haven’t yet delved into “67 Conservatives” were wondering, the eight people Hewitt would like to dine with are Jesus Christ, Julius Caesar, Augustine, Augustus, Disraeli, Churchill, Washington and Lincoln.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

Enjoy Burt’s latest collection of interviews: 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.

Get your personally autographed copy of 67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die for $30, Barack Obama: You're Fired! for $25, or Liberals: America’s Termites for just $15. Or get all three for just $50! (All prices include postage & handling.)

For more information about these titles, including special combination and multiple copy discounts, visit Burt’s Bookstore.

To order by mail, send your check to:

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn St.
North Hills, CA 91343-3604

You can now use PayPal to purchase my books or make a donation to BurtPrelutsky.com.

Click here to send money to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don't forget to specify whether this is a donation, or a book payment with your address, and be certain to include the autograph instructions.



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