Friday, May 30, 2014

CUTTING THROUGH THE MUCK


While the Left buries us in lies and obfuscation, those on the Right can often be trusted to keep it short, sweet and revelatory. For instance, the following two sentences contain more honest commentary about our society than 10 years of the Congressional Record: (1) We are told not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge all gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics; and (2) It seems we are constantly hearing that Social Security is running dry, but we never hear the same thing about Welfare, even though the folks in the first group worked for their money and those in the second group didn’t.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself longing for the good old days when the “axis of evil” referred to Iraq, Iran and North Korea, and not Barack Obama, Chuck Schumer and Eric Holder.

In a recent CNN poll, nearly 10% of respondents believed space aliens were behind the disappearance of the Malaysian jetliner. I’m not saying I believe that, but I certainly wouldn’t object to waterboarding Harry Reid until he tells us where he stashed it.

Nancy Pelosi finally got around to naming the five House Democrats to be seated on Trey Gowdy’s committee. Unfortunately, they aren’t five of the seven Republicans who voted to form the committee in the first place. Instead they are among those who did everything in their power to prevent the Republicans from discovering the facts about the Benghazi massacre and the ensuing cover-up; in short, the dirty deeds of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Susan Rice, Jay Carney and their various henchmen who lurk in the White House and the sewers of the State Department. Clearly, the role of the five will be to use whatever it takes, be it monkey wrenches or TNT, in order to derail the investigation and prevent King Barack and Queen Hillary from being tarred-and-feathered by the evidence.

I know there are some people who still aren’t convinced that Hillary Clinton is going to run in 2016. But when you look at the Democratic bench, which pretty much consists of Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren, you know how desperate they are. The Republicans, on the other hand, are loaded for bear with Scott Walker, Rick Perry, Mike Pence, Paul Ryan, Rick Scott and Ted Cruz, along with such reserves as Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, John Kasich and Kelly Ayotte. It’s a lot like comparing the 1927 Yankees to a Little League team.

On 9/11/01, the mainstream media was relentless in its flaying of George W. Bush because he took a few extra minutes leaving an elementary classroom in Sarasota, Florida, where he’d been reading a book to the children. However, on 9/11/12, when four brave Americans were being butchered in Benghazi and Barack Obama was AWOL for seven long hours – perhaps packing for his next day’s fund-raising trip to Las Vegas or maybe fine-tuning his Al Green impression – the very same media never even cocked its collective eyebrow.

Because I like to provide solutions as well as call attention to problems, I believe I have come up with a way for environmentalists to be happy without our having to destroy America’s economy. I suggest that Al Gore and all his wealthy chums in the Sierra Club move to Bangladesh. They wouldn’t ever again have to worry their pointy heads about fracking, oil pipelines or coal-fueled power plants. They could live as one with Mother Nature in a latter day Eden bereft of such modern evils as air conditioning, automobiles and indoor plumbing.

One thing that the world would be better off without is the fairytale notion that democracy is a cure-all for the world’s problems. Russia has the vote, and they elected Putin. Egypt has the vote and they elected the Muslim Brotherhood. The Palestinians have the vote and they elected Hamas. Outside of those few nations where the people subscribe to Judeo-Christian values, we would all be better off if a dictator friendly to or at least fearful of America, such as was the case with the Shah of Iran, Hosni Mubarak and even Muammar Gaddafi, once Reagan dropped a bomb on his tent, ran things.

Among the many sure signs that the inmates are currently running our own asylum is the fact that so many people are doing cartwheels because Michael Sam recently became the first openly gay football player to be drafted to play in the NFL. My question is: how many more glass ceilings are we going to have to hear about? Frankly, I think it would be far more newsworthy if a heterosexual ever wins another Tony or a conservative is ever hired to join the editorial board of the NY Times.

To get an inkling of how divorced from the truth those on the Left are, you merely have to take an occasional look at Garry Trudeau’s never amusing comic strip, “Doonesbury.” He first created it while a student at Yale, and here in his mid-60s, he is still cranking out the same old uninspired left-wing claptrap.

When George Bush was in the White House, Trudeau was always carrying on about Bush’s wars. He even devoted weeks of Sunday strips to listing the names of the fallen warriors. But once Obama moved into the White House, there was no indication that a far greater number of American soldiers were dying in Afghanistan.

Way back in 1985, the editors of the Saturday Review voted Mr. Trudeau “one of the most overrated people in American Arts and Letters” and their good judgment has been borne out by the fact that he’s won Oscars and Pulitzer Prizes, and even got to marry the darling of the Left, Jane Pauley.

In a recent strip, Trudeau had a TV newsman touring an exhibit of G.W. Bush’s paintings at his Presidential Library. After pausing to make a few predictable cracks about Bush allies Tony Blair and Angela Merkel, he moves on to a picture of Vladimir Putin (“In whose eyes Bush peered and sensed a soul, when everyone else saw only the dull, blank stare of a stone cold killer.”) with nary a mention of Hillary’s reset button or Obama’s vow to be more flexible in his dealings with Putin after the 2012 election.

In the final frame, the reporter is standing in front of a blurry picture and saying, “Here we see the artist trying to wash away the stain of two wars.” But, as usual with this hack, there is not or ever will be even a suggestion that the military deaths and injuries increased exponentially under Obama’s reign.

Considering that Trudeau labors under the delusion that he speaks truth to power, wouldn’t you think he would be at least slightly offended by the fact that not since Stalin perfected the big lie has any national leader fibbed as frequently or about such essential matters as the ex-community organizer?

Obama rode into the presidency on a cloud of malarkey and, thanks in good part to a lapdog media in which I would picture Chris Matthews as a pet poodle and Garry Trudeau as an annoying Pekinese, the mongrel in the White House has never been compelled to change his ways.

Even after all this time, the mutt is still dumping on the carpet in the Oval Office and blaming it, no doubt, on Bo.


©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

"THE OUT-BOX" and "Ah, Sweet Mysteries of Life"


Because simply keeping track of all the absurdities that make our lives so troubling makes my in-box expand to its breaking point, I occasionally have to clear it out. So consider this a spring cleaning.

For openers, I would suggest that in the wake of the spineless administrators at Rutgers uninviting Condoleezza Rice to deliver this year’s commencement address, it’s time for conservatives to quit behaving like Charlie Brown, who never seems to catch on that Lucy Van Pelt is going to snatch away the football just before he kicks it. In the future, conservatives should insist on a $50,000 cashier’s check when they agree to speak at a college. If they get to say their piece, the check is returned to the college. Otherwise, it gets cashed.

It’s high time that the academic cowards face actual consequences when they cave in to the demands of CAIR, the NAACP or some campus group representing left-wing albinos, and pull the welcome mat out from under their guest speakers.

Moving on, too many people are dying because the FDA not only takes too many years to green light new drugs, but refuses to allow the terminally ill to at least try experimental cures. It seems to me that if you only have a few months to live, so long as you sign a release guaranteeing that no ambulance-chasing shyster is going to come after the manufacturer or the FDA if the drug fails to save you, a person should be free to try anything, however unlikely it is to prevent his demise.

Speaking of death, in 2009, Barack Obama swore to cut through the red tape and get our military veterans the health care they deserve. Considering his track record, it should come as no surprise that the backlog at the V.A. hospitals has only gotten worse over the past five years. But, then, has the troll in the Oval Office ever delivered on a promise, aside from his vow to destroy the coal industry?

Whether it’s involved lowering the cost of healthcare; capturing and punishing those who murdered four Americans in Benghazi; letting us keep our doctors and our health insurance; or removing Syria’s vile despot if he crossed a red line; one must assume the schmuck goes through life with his fingers crossed.

Moreover, the Liar-in-Chief claims that the GOP’s refusal to raise the hourly minimum wage from $7.25 to $10.10 is one more example of Republicans waging war on the middle class. This twerp has spent so much time in the company of millionaires and billionaires that he actually confuses the middle with the bottom. While it is true that, thanks to his economic policies, a lot of people have seen the American Dream morph into the American Nightmare, even Obama should understand that the middle is not defined by those making between $15,000 and $20,000-a- year.

As repulsive as Obama is, his acolytes are no better. When discussing the recent disclosures regarding Benghazi on the Fox panel show “The Five,” Bob Beckel, channeling his inner Hillary Clinton, started hollering and banging his pudgy fists on the table, insisting that nobody cares what happened there.

Because it drew attention to the show, I assume Beckel’s boss, Roger Ailes, immediately gave Beckel a raise and extended his contract. For my part, the embarrassing performance left me wondering if Beckel, the ex-alcoholic, had perhaps tripped over his tongue and fallen off the wagon.

Someone sent me a takeoff on an old advertising campaign, but instead of American Express, it was for something called the Race Card, and instead of Karl Malden, it was none other than Barack Obama endorsing it: “I sure love my Race Card. It comes in handy whenever I find myself in a mess I’ve made. I just whip it out and, voila, the mess is ignored. Plus there’s no limit on how many times I can use the Race Card. So don’t leave home without it.”

The campaign has been so successful that Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Elijah Cummings and Eric Holder, would never dream of leaving home without theirs.

Speaking of which, Jeri Wright, daughter of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, was recently found guilty on 11 counts, including money laundering, embezzling from charities and lying to federal agents. I’d love it if someone asked Reverend Wright how it feels to have a few of his own damn chickens coming home to roost.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the two men who have sponsored my weekly webcast for over a year. At a time when liberals can pressure colleges into uninviting anyone they disagree with; homosexuals can use the courts to put bakers, florists and photographers, out of business; and people like Jesse Jackson can extort money from companies by threatening them with boycotts; I think it behooves conservatives to reward those with the courage to sponsor a conservative loudmouth like myself.

Therefore, I would like to voice my appreciation to Mike Carmolinga, owner of Lulu’s, a wonderful, moderately-priced, restaurant here in the San Fernando Valley, and 82 year old Tom Tinney, who specializes in buying and selling precious metals. He has three stores in Phoenix and two in Connecticut, but he also conducts business online at Goodoletom.com.

They’re my sponsors, but they’re also my friends, and I just happen to think that their loyalty and their good sense should be rewarded by like-minded people.

Finally, I saw a photo of Jay (“I’m not really Pinocchio, we just talk alike”) Carney. He was standing in front of a sign that read “WHITE HOUSE” on the top line, with “WASHINGTON, D.C.” just below it. But because his head was blocking the right side of the sign, it read “WHITE” on top, “WASHING” below.

I contend that never before, at least under the current administration, has a job description been spelled out as clearly as that.

AH, SWEET MYSTERIES OF LIFE


It's a very weird world when the degenerates who populate the Muslim world can condemn our society as degenerate, and be right. After all, you don’t have to be a prude to consider our movies; our rap music; our insistence in turning teenage icons into false idols; our pretense that same-sex marriages are the same, if not better, than the traditional variety; our dependence on illegal, as well as prescription, drugs; our corrupt politicians; and our pathological fascination with pornography, to conclude that America is experiencing a moral decline that rivals that of ancient Rome.

It certainly helps explain why we elected Barack Obama and then, in spite of a stagnant economy, a decline in American power and prestige, an unrivaled series of scandals and a life style financed by our tax dollars that reminded some people of 18th century French royalty, we re-elected him.

As if all the changes wrought by the Affordable Care Act weren’t bad enough, I had already been aware of what I refer to as the Sleep Apnea Racket. It so happens that I suffered from the condition in which one stops breathing periodically during the night and begins kicking one’s feet. When my wife first called it to my attention, I found it hard to believe that I could carry on like a Radio City Rockette and not wake myself up. Still, I had noticed that I was getting very sleepy by mid-afternoon, so I decided to visit a doctor.

He sent me to be tested at a local sleep clinic, where I discovered that I was unable to fall asleep with all those electrodes attached to me. So I got off the cot at 4 a.m. and drove home. But not before the technician insisted that I had in fact fallen asleep and, sure enough, I had sleep apnea.

When I went back to see the doc, I gave him the full report, but added that I was willing to assume that my wife wasn’t making it up, and therefore I wanted to know my options. He said that I had three choices. I could either have surgery performed on my nasal passage, making it easier for me to breathe; I could try sleeping with an oxygen mask on my face; or I could try losing some weight.

So I lost some weight and my wife assured me I was cured. There was no more kicking, no more struggling to breathe.

However, when it came time to buy a new life insurance policy, it seems I was expected to pay a premium because sleep apnea was on my medical record. But in order to prove I was cured, I had to be tested. So I went to a different sleep clinic, figuring that perhaps I would be able to fall asleep under different conditions.

Apparently, the conditions weren’t different enough because once again I failed to sleep. This technician, however, also insisted that I had dropped off and, what’s more, announced that I was still suffering from the dreaded apnea.

It is therefore my belief that no sleep clinic ever tells anyone the truth. And why would they? Without an endless supply of the walking dead, they’d be out of business. No vampires, no future in being vampire hunters. I mean, it’s not as if the insurance companies, which make a bundle off sleep apnea, whether real or alleged, are going to blow the whistle on the con artists in white smocks.

You may have seen the female members of the Congressional Black Caucus calling for military action and even the use of drones to kill the Muslim thugs who abducted the black school girls in Nigeria, something they’ve never done when the victims were merely Christians or Jews. By the way, it’s worth noting that while she was still Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton refused to identify Boko Haram, the Islamic gang responsible for the crime, as a terrorist group. But, then, again, I’m sure her response today would be, “What difference, at this point, does it make?”

And considering that the overwhelming majority of America’s 1.4 million gang members, who commit 50% of the violent crime in our country, reside in the districts the women of the Black Caucus and their male counterparts represent, you would think they’d at least call for appropriate federal action to wage war on those vermin who victimize the decent law-abiding, members of the black community.

The U.S. State Department, which rivals the IRS and the EPA when it comes to shaming itself, is listed as a “cultural partner” of the 24th Abu Dhabi International Book Fair. Among the best sellers on display, both in English and Arabic, are such page-turners as “Mein Kampf,” “The International Jew” and the ever-popular favorite of anti-Semites everywhere, including, I’m sure, those entrenched at the State Department, “The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion.”

Finally, I have long pondered why American parents continue to believe that their children all belong in college. It was pathetic enough when there were actually jobs awaiting those who had majored in liberal arts. But today, when the likeliest doors such a degree is likely to open is the one leading to a career flipping burgers or the one to their parent’s basement, you’d think everyone would acknowledge that it makes far more sense to learn a trade than to waste four years majoring in Black, Hispanic or Lesbian Studies, or listening to liberal professors prattle on about the evils of the free market, religion and America.

Along those lines, I’d like to share a joke that’s gone viral on the Internet. It seems Bubba went to a state university on a football scholarship. He was a great running back, but a terrible student.

Come Graduation Day, Bubba didn’t have enough credits to warrant a sheepskin, but his fellow students, who had no doubt recently staged a demonstration demanding that Condoleezza Rice, Ayaan Hirsi Ali or Clarence Thomas, be uninvited to give the commencement address, staged yet another, demanding that Bubba’s gridiron exploits be rewarded with a diploma.

Predictably, the dean, who lacked the spine to stand up to an organized pout, announced that Bubba would first have to answer a single question.

Come Graduation Day, the auditorium was packed to the rafters when the dean called Bubba to the stage. “Answer this one question correctly,” he said, “and you graduate. Are you ready?”

“Is that the question?”

“No, Bubba. The question is: How much is three times seven?”

Bubba gazed up at the ceiling, then down at his shoes. Finally, when the tension was as thick as Bubba’s head, he said, “I think the answer is…twenty-one.”

A hush fell upon the auditorium…and then, after emitting a collective groan, the students shouted: “Give him another chance.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, May 26, 2014

"SEEKING ANSWERS" and "HEY DUDE"


H.L.mencken, who was referred to as “The Sage of Baltimore” by people besides H.L. Mencken, at least until he shared his Nazi sympathies, at which point they began referring to him as “The Loony Tune of Baltimore,” once observed that “For every complex question, there is an answer that is simple, obvious and wrong.” And every day, the left-wingers in Congress and the Oval Office prove how right he was.

Whether the question revolves around how best to deal with health care, Vladimir Putin, Islamic jihadists, the economy, environmental zealots, the IRS, the Veterans Administration or racist thugs like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Eric Holder, the current administration, against extraordinarily long odds, somehow manages to be wrong every single time.

One of the problems with our society is that we insist on corrupting the language in order to promote some fool’s political agenda. So, for example, we are all supposed to use the term “gays” even though there is no legitimate reason for “homosexual” to be regarded as offensive, as would be the case with, say, “fag” or “queer.” If “heterosexual” is perfectly acceptable in polite society, why not the other?

An even goofier example is “African-American.” In common usage, it means that some black man who was born and raised in Detroit and a fellow born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, but now living in New York City, neither of whom ever got within three thousand miles of the dark continent, are both African-Americans, but a white guy born in Johannesburg and now living in Cleveland, isn’t.

I think some people choose not to believe in God simply because they prefer ignoring the possible repercussions if He actually exists. After all, nearly everyone would like to believe he or she is a moral human being or at least fool others into thinking so. But we have all seen what happens to people such as Donald Sterling when their dirty little secrets become grist for the public’s mill. And I continue to believe that a great deal of the anxiety surrounding the secrets possibly collected by the NSA can be traced to people’s fears that their reliance on the Internet to fuel their porn addiction might someday become public knowledge.

But if God is omnipresent and omniscient, nobody’s secrets are really safe. Therefore, if some folks are ever going to get another good night’s sleep, the solution is to convince oneself that God is nothing more than a pipedream, no more real than Rumpelstiltskin or the Easter Bunny.

In their desperate attempt to hang on to the Senate, the Democrats continue to push for raising the minimum wage from seven bucks and change to $10-an-hour, ignoring the fact that very few employers are going to fork over $400-a-week to a person doing a job that a monkey could be trained to handle.

Because liberals know that as well as I do, they play up the argument that people can’t raise a family on $7-an-hour, ignoring the fact that a minimum wage was never intended to support anyone, least of all a family. Instead, it was solely intended for high school and college kids, who were expected to come away with a few dollars in their pocket, along with a few life lessons involving what it takes to get a job, do a job and keep a job, at least through an entire summer vacation. Nobody was ever encouraged to think of it as a career.

What will Obama do next? Encourage teenagers to unionize and demand their parents raise their allowances to $10-an-hour?

I am not always in agreement with Sen. Rand Paul, but I certainly agree with him when it comes to his bill calling for the U.S. to cut off financial aid to the Palestinians, who recently joined forces with the terrorist group known as Hamas. Ironically, the bill died in the Senate, not because of Harry Reid for once, but because it was opposed by the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. It seems that AIPAC, a major lobbying group for Israel, believes there is a good reason to continue funneling our tax dollars to those out to exterminate Israel and who aren’t that crazy about us.

There in a nutshell is the reason, verging on a phobia, behind my reluctance to join groups. By and large, I have found them to be governed by their lowest common denominator, individuals I wouldn’t trust to pick out my socks.

And, no, in case you were wondering, I am not only referring to those groups led by the unsavory likes of Harry Reid, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner.

HEY DUDE

I was delighted that by a 5-4 margin, the Supreme Court recently decided it was constitutional for city governments, such as the one in Greece, NY, to open its public meetings with a prayer. It’s not that I’m religious, but I am always happy to recognize and praise commonsense on those rare occasions I encounter it.

Speaking of the Court, I wrote a letter to Chief Justice John Roberts a couple of months ago. I was waiting for him to respond before sharing it, but he seems to be preoccupied with other matters, which, I suspect, includes dealing with Sonia Sotomayor’s hissy fits. Boy, talk about your sore losers!

“Dear Chief Justice Roberts: By way of introduction, I am a conservative who has spent nearly two years defending your shocking vote on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act.

“As I saw it, your vote, which gave your daffy colleagues a 5-4 margin of victory, was dictated by a number of things having nothing to do with its constitutionality. One, having seen the consternation over Roe v. Wade and the Court’s ruling in George Bush’s favor in the 2000 presidential election, you didn’t wish to embroil the Court in yet another controversy, one that would overturn legislation passed by the majority in the House and the Senate, even though the vote was along strictly partisan lines.

“For another thing, you were well aware that the 2012 presidential election was just a few months off, and you decided that if ObamaCare was as unpopular as it appeared to be, the people would elect Mitt Romney and perhaps a GOP majority in the Senate, and they would quickly move to repeal it.

“I would appreciate it if you would either confirm or deny my theory. I hope I haven’t misjudged you during all this time, and that you didn’t really believe the bill was constitutional in spite of the very thing that Obama and the Democrats denied it was; namely, a tax.

“And as long as I have your attention, who exactly would have the necessary standing to bring Obama’s three dozen arbitrary – and unconstitutional – changes to his signature piece of legislation before the Supreme Court?

“Keep up the usually good work. Regards, Burt Prelutsky”

A reader of mine wondered if Barack Obama gave a speech in the middle of the woods and there was nobody there to hear it, would he still lie? My guess is that he would, or if he was otherwise occupied on the golf links, Jay Carney would lie for him. Their motto, after all, seems to be “practice, practice, practice.”

Abubakar Shakar, the leader of Nigeria’s major terrorist group, which recently kidnapped over 250 school girls, has made a video on which he announced, “I abducted your girls. I will sell them in the market, by Allah.”

In the meantime, the man Obama recently invited to the White House and is proud to call a friend, the Sultan of Brunei, just announced that he is introducing Sharia Law in a nation where 20% of the population is not even Muslim. Therefore, we can soon expect to hear that infidels by the truckload are being stoned to death, along with adulterers, homosexuals and, no doubt, anyone caught reading a book, painting a picture or practicing the Meringue.

I realize I’m asking for a miracle, but wouldn’t it be swell if just once some Muslim, any Muslim, would say or do something decent in the name of Allah?

When ex-White House spokesperson Tommy Vietor paid a visit to Bret Baier’s “Special Report,” and was asked about the role he played in changing the talking points about the Benghazi massacre, which laid the blame for the deaths of four Americans on some silly video, he feigned forgetfulness and then, under Baier’s prompting, explained, “Dude, we’re talking about two years ago.”

It should be pointed out that Vietor, he of the short attention span, started out driving the press van for Senator Obama, and apparently did such a great job of parallel parking that President Obama couldn’t wait to make him the mouthpiece for the National Security Council. To be fair, I suppose when a 33-year-old is still calling himself Tommy, instead of Thomas or Tom, you have to expect he’s going to still be calling grown-ups “Dude.”

On the other hand, Obama, who’s in his 50s, never refers to “people,” “ladies and gentlemen” or, God forbid, “my fellow Americans.” With him, it’s always “folks.” It’s his typically heavy-handed way of pretending that, in spite of all the pricey vacations that he and the missus take on our dime, and all the time he spends hobnobbing with the superrich at his non-stop fund raisers, he’s really just another regular guy. Or “dude,” if you prefer.

Although, I think “dud” is more like it.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

"THE CESSPOOL AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE" and "CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT"


Afriend of mine, after taking note of Obama’s approach to foreign affairs, has decided that his doctrine is to speak softly and carry a big grudge. But if you stop and think about it, that also sums up his domestic policies, which seem aimed at burdening the middle class with additional taxes; a health system that will be the envy of nobody on earth, including the folks in Bangladesh; and an EPA and IRS that are out to target anyone who didn’t contribute to Obama’s re-election campaign.

In other news, John Hinckley, 58, would-be assassin and would-be swain of lesbian actress Jodie Foster, is now a free man. It’s only a rumor that in his rush to appoint left-wing dingbats to the federal bench, Obama is considering appointing Mr. Hinckley to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, where he would be right at home with the other liberal nutburgers. After all, he established his bona fides by trying to off conservative icon Ronald Reagan.

As I appreciate anything that saves my doing heavy lifting, I’d like to share an email I received from a reader named Juan Motie. He was writing in response to a piece in which I stated that Harry Reid owed his political career to Nevada’s unions and casino owners. He wrote: “You’re not entirely correct. In the general election of 2010, the establishment GOP Party in Nevada abandoned its own candidate, Sharon Angle, and came out vocally and financially in support of Harry Reid. Those traitorous Republicans formed a PAC, calling themselves “Republicans for Reid.” That was because these turncoats were upset that their fair-haired girl, Sue Louden, had lost the primary election to Ms. Angle, the Tea Party favorite.

“In 2010, another unhelpful factor was Wayne LaPierre of the NRA sharing a stage with Reid at the grand opening of a shooting range in southern Nevada. There was LaPierre shucking and jiving with Reid, acting as if he and Reid were the best of friends. While it seems that the NRA made no formal endorsement of Reid, I’m sure LaPierre’s actions swayed a large number of wavering voters.”

So it would appear that Chris Christie isn’t the only loony tune who doesn’t think twice about betraying the Republican Party.

There’s a good chance you missed the news about Benghazi, considering how disinterested the media is in exposing the truth about Obama and his stooges. Ironically, it seems there is finally a smoking gun covered in dirty fingerprints belonging to members of this rabidly anti-gun administration that sheds new light on the 2012 massacre that left four dead Americans in its wake.

In a memo written seven weeks before the presidential election by the Deputy National Security Advisor to the President, Ben Rhodes reminded everyone in the White House that “…the purpose of the talking points” Susan Rice was to deliver on five Sunday morning news shows “were meant to underscore that the protest was rooted in an Internet video, and not a broader failure of policy.”

A dozen senior members of Obama’s inner circle were copied. Among them was serial liar Jay (“Don’t call me Pinocchio”) Carney, who looks like a choir boy, but lies like a sleazebag running for office.

Sen. Ed Markey (D-MA) wants the government to track down hate speech wherever it can be found. One, I doubt if the senator and I would agree on what constitutes hate speech. But, two, I am quite willing to admit I hate Sen. Markey and every other self-appointed censor who is looking to trim the 1st Amendment to suit his partisan agenda, while pretending that they’re just being sensitive to the bruised feelings of their liberal base.

But in the unlikely event that Markey is having a difficult time tracking down the haters, I would suggest that he pay closer attention to what the likes of Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Rangel, Durbin, Schumer and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, have to say about Republicans in general and Tea Partiers in particular.

It’s possible that you are already aware that the U.S. pays the lion’s share of the bills, between two and three billion dollars a year, keeping the U.N. afloat. As stupid and as essentially immoral as that is, considering what a gang of cockroaches and cut-throats inhabit the place, and that Russia has the authority to veto anything they like or, rather, dislike, that’s only the tip of the scum-covered iceberg. It seems we also send foreign aid to 145 nations, and that among those with whom we share this largesse are – if you’re standing, please be seated, and if you’re seated, please lie down – Cuba, Venezuela, Iran, Rwanda, Turkey, Mexico, Sudan, Pakistan, Iraq, Brazil, Cambodia, Yemen, Afghanistan, China, Russia, North Korea and those folks in Gaza who go by the name of Hamas.

It’s bad enough when a little kid gets bullied out of his lunch money. But for America to voluntarily cough up tens of billions of dollars, especially, when we’re already in the hole for 17 trillion bucks, you’d think someone in Washington would not only insist we stop digging, but would hide the damn shovel.

CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT

It's an odd paradox, but I understand those who commit cold-blooded murder better than I do those people who attend vigils outside prisons where killers are being executed. The murderers, after all, are evil, making their acts, along with those of rapists and child molesters, comprehensible. When such a crime is committed and people say, “How could anyone do such a thing?” conservatives know the answer is: “They’re the evil spawn of Satan.”

Liberals, on the other hand, assume that nobody, except conservatives are truly evil, and that bad behavior can inevitably be traced back to capitalism. If it weren’t for money, they’re convinced we’d all be living in condos in the Garden of Eden. They never bother explaining how money or the lack thereof motivates rape or the sexual abuse of children, but logic, as you may have noticed, is never their strong suit.

Therefore, it was no surprise to me that when the lethal injection given to Clayton Lockett wasn’t as painless as advertised, the pinheads had a major hissy fit.

The fact that Lockett was guilty of murder, rape and burying a 19-year-old woman, Stephanie Neiman, alive was of no concern to the self-righteous loons, but they were morally outraged that the monster had experienced some discomfort while being executed.

Well, I’m outraged by their outrage. The fact that he took 43 minutes to finally die of a heart attack hardly compares to the time it took Ms. Neiman to suffocate in a shallow grave. The 15 years Lockett got to live after killing the only child of the Neimans is the thing that should offend the sensibilities of normal human beings.

If it had been up to me, Lockett would have been spared the chemical injection. Instead, if we were truly a moral society, he would have been locked away in a dungeon shortly after he was convicted, where he would then be gnawed to death by rats.

Speaking of immorality, it took about 70 years for elderly American G.I.s to finally receive the medals they were entitled to after being interned in a World War II POW camp. It seems the problem was that they weren’t in a camp run by Nazis, but by the Swiss. Because we generally think of Switzerland, if we ever think of Switzerland at all, as the happy land of chocolate and cuckoo clocks, we tend to overlook the fact that they are as corrupt a nation as any place on earth.

When you consider their stringent banking laws, which, in the main, serve little purpose other than to safeguard the accounts of Nazis, drug dealers and various dictators -- tyrants ranging from Idi Amin to Yasser Arafat, from al-Assad to Vladimir Putin -- their death grip on the pilfered funds of Jews who were herded off to the German death camps; and their much-flaunted, extremely profitable neutrality, the only clean thing about them are their streets!

A reader, Tom Halleck, shared an item he’d come across on the Internet: “The way Obama is slashing military defense, Putin might decide to take over New York City instead of eastern Ukraine. In fact, if he displaced Mayor Bill de Blasio, it would result in less communist control of that city.”

With the current administration, just when you think it couldn’t get worse, it gets worse. Ever since the 9/11/2012 attack on our consulate in Benghazi, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Susan Rice and the State Department, have told us one lie after another, trying to conceal their involvement in the massacre. Because the narrative, constantly parroted by Obama in his presidential campaign that GM was alive, but Osama bin Laden was dead and Al Qaeda was on life-support, they had to pretend that the assault was an impromptu response to an anti-Islamic video nobody had ever seen. Then, to better sell the charade, they sent an armed response to arrest and imprison the producer of the video, after refusing to lift a finger to save American lives in Libya.

Even after they lied about the cause of the bloody event and the reason they hadn’t sent the additional security Ambassador Stevens had pleaded for, they lied to the parents of the murder victims in the presence of four flag-draped caskets, insisting that they would do everything in their power to capture or kill the Islamic jihadists responsible for the carnage. They not only knew they were lying, but compounded the sin by then concealing the truth from Congress.

It is only now that, thanks to Judicial Watch obtaining previously concealed and/or redacted documents and emails, that we are finding evidence that after the initial cover-up, Obama and his cohorts have been as busy as psychotic beavers covering up the cover-up.

To answer Hillary Clinton’s plaintive question, it makes a hell of a big difference, and anyone who would still consider voting for the arrogant shrew in 2016 would be better off holding moonlight vigils for convicted killers.

Most of them, after all, only have the blood of one innocent victim on their hands, not four!

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

JOHN KERRY, MEET DONALD STERLING


Secretary of State Kerry, who seems to be working overtime to make his predecessor look good, announced that if Israel didn’t cave to the Muslims, who pray to Allah several times a day for the extinction of all Jews, they ran the risk of being denounced as an apartheid nation. The next day, after an initial firestorm, he decided, as they say, to walk his statement back. Not too surprisingly, Donald Sterling wasn’t allowed the same opportunity, even though he is just another sports team owner, and Kerry is allegedly America’s number one diplomat.

Understand, I am not standing up for Mr. Sterling (born Donald Tokowitz 80 years ago). There’s nothing I like about him, including his past career as an ambulance-chasing lawyer, his name change or his choice of girlfriends. Heck, I don’t even like basketball.

But I happen to hate hypocrisy. So the NBA, which pretty much turns a blind eye to infractions by players, which includes beating up their wives, using illegal drugs, engaging in bar fights, driving under the influence and siring a couple of dozen babies with a couple of dozen different women, lowers the boom on the stupid white guy.

When it comes to the disciplining of players, it usually takes the form of wrist slaps involving short suspensions and fines the players can pay off with the loose change they find under their sofa cushions. But when it comes to this seemingly senile old coot, whose crime consists of shooting off his mouth to his slutty ex-mistress, it suddenly calls for a lifelong banishment from the league and a forced sale of the team.

The dirty little secret in America is that it’s only the likes of silly old white guys like Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling who get pilloried for their ignorant comments. It’s never old black guys like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Charley Rangel and Hank Aaron or middle-aged black guys like Eric Holder or vapid Hispanics like Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

That brings us to John Kerry. He made the vulgar comparison of Israel to the formerly apartheid South Africa, even though two million Arabs and Muslims call Israel home, and enjoy the same rights as Jews and even get to serve in the Knesset, the Israeli parliament.

One might even find it ironic that with as many Muslims in Israel as there are in the United States ( about two million), and even though Israel has a mere two percent of our population, there are more Muslims in the Knesset, about a dozen, than we have in Congress, which happens to be two – Democrats Keith Ellison and Andre Carson. I’m not complaining, you understand, as I personally think they’re over-represented. I just wanted to clear up a few things for Kerry.

In his defense, some liberals have argued that Kerry made his statement in private at a gathering of the Trilateral Commission, but you may have noticed that they had quite a different take when it came to Mitt Romney’s reference to 47% of the population at a closed meeting or Donald Sterling’s private phone conversation. Apparently people should be more worried about scorned women than they are of the NSA.

Naturally, Juan Williams gave Kerry the benefit of the doubt after Kerry, as is typical with this administration, belatedly tried to explain he didn’t really mean what he said. But, unlike Sterling, Kerry’s remarks weren’t unfortunate ad libs; they were written out in a prepared speech and had, like all such addresses, been vetted by the State Department.

There were even some of my fellow Jews willing to defend the Secretary of State’s vile statement. Those, of course, would be JINOS, Jews in Name Only. Those are Jews whose god shouldn’t ever be confused with Jehovah, but, rather, who happens to be any Democrat residing in the White House at the time. They can always be counted upon to be in lockstep with an anti-Semite like Kerry.

Or considering that Kerry looks like he should be pulling a plow, perhaps “lockstep” is the wrong term, and a more appropriate expression would be in “double harness.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, May 19, 2014

SAINTS & MARTYRS


Awhile back, I took Hank Aaron to task for hanging on to hate mail from 1974, when he was closing in on Babe Ruth’s career homerun record of 714. To this day, he admits to storing the stuff in his attic so he would never forget. He also said that white people are no different today than they were then, except that instead of hoods, they now wear shirts and ties.

Aside from the fact that I sent him a congratulatory letter in 1974 to which he didn’t respond, I thought it was not only a pathetic and racist thing for him to say, but one showing a tremendous lack of gratitude. After all, this is a guy who got to make a great deal of money playing baseball for over 20 years and then got a good-paying front office job with the Atlanta Braves, and none of those checks were signed by a black man. They were also not signed by a white man, for that matter, at least not one wearing a hood.

But something I neglected to mention is that 13 years earlier, another man was closing in on Babe Ruth’s other cherished record, the one for most home runs in a single season. His name was Roger Maris. He was a white guy who was a first-rate outfielder for the New York Yankees, but had never hit more than 39 home runs in a single season. But 1961 was magical, and he would ultimately hit his 61st homer on the last day of the season. But in the meantime, he received a ton of hate mail, some of it involving threats on his life and the lives of his wife and children.

It seems that a lot of people didn’t want to see Babe Ruth’s 34-year-old record broken, but if it was to be broken, they wanted to see Maris’s Yankee teammate Mickey Mantle break it. In a way, it was rather ironic because Maris was a decent, straight arrow, married guy, whom fathers could have held up as a role model to their sons, whereas Mantle was a notorious boozer and womanizer, who had kicked off all traces of his Oklahoma upbringing once he became the toast of New York.

But Maris wasn’t a black guy, so we didn’t have to spend 40 years listening to him bitch about having his feelings hurt. What’s more, in 1961, Baseball Commissioner Ford Frick announced that unless Maris broke Ruth’s record within the first 154 games of the season (the season having just been extended to 162 games), it would go into the books with an asterisk attached.

But 13 years later, nobody said that Aaron’s career record would be tainted because he hadn’t broken Ruth’s career record within his first 8,399 at-bats, as Ruth had done. So even though it took Aaron 3,865 additional at-bats to hit just 41 more home runs, nobody -- least of all “Hammerin’ Hank” -- ever mentioned it.

But he’s not alone. You notice that a great many blacks are constantly letting you know how offended they are by the Confederate flag, but you never see them honoring or erecting statues to the hundreds of thousands of northern soldiers who fought and died in the Civil War.

Sadly, it seems that grievance alone is a part of their DNA, never gratitude.

Apparently, Benjamin Franklin, were he still alive, would not be a liberal. As I was recently reminded, Franklin once said, “I am for doing good for the poor, but I think the best way is by not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. In my youth, I traveled much, and I observed in different countries that the more public provisions were provided for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer.”

Even now, that seems so obvious, but Franklin lived at a time when politicians didn’t require the votes of poor people to remain entrenched. One would think that after a while, adults would be ashamed to be dependent on political hacks who see their role as that of a perverted Santa Claus, depositing other people’s hard-earned money in the Christmas stockings of able-bodied brats.

While politicians dither over what should be done to dissuade Putin from his imperialistic designs on Eastern Europe, someone sent me a seven point plan that would stop him in his tracks: (1) Force Russia to ban the use of coal. (2) Mandate that Russia dismantle its health system in favor of PutinCare. (3) Don’t allow any oil drilling on Russia’s public land. (4) Have the EPA take control of Russian businesses. (5) Curtail the Russian work week to 30 hours. (6) Raise the Russian minimum wage. (7) Demand that the Russian government provide welfare benefits for unqualified citizens and illegal immigrants.

I say it’s worth a try. Obama’s agenda has certainly managed to turn America into a second-class power closing in on third world status.

Finally, as you probably noticed, Pope Francis oversaw two canonization ceremonies in one day. He did so by simply ignoring the previous two miracles yardstick. To me, it suggests that standards have gone out the window and that sainthood is no longer what it used to be.

Some have suggested that Francis intended to help unify two segments of the Church, but when I saw the turnout in St. Peter’s Square, I thought it might just be a papal bone tossed to Roman restaurants, ice cream parlors and souvenir shops.

But, whatever the case, it means I am no longer setting my sights on sainthood, instead focusing on receiving a knighthood. Sir Burt has an even nicer ring to it than Saint Burt, which definitely carries with it the off-putting aura of hungry lions and burning stakes.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

CONSPIRACIES & CONSPIRATORS


When I was young, a lot of conspiracy theorists (aka crazy people) were convinced that fluoride in our water was a Commie plot to destroy America one glass at a time. Back then, I discounted it as a result of the Cold War jitters, but for the past six years I’ve found myself wondering if young Barack, in addition to cocaine and marijuana, used to mainline fluoride back in Hawaii.

You would think that millionaires and billionaires would finally tell Obama to either stop using them as scapegoats for what’s wrong with this country or stop diving into their pockets every chance he gets. Instead, they keep showing up at his $35,000-a-plate fund raisers. Just recently, he went so far as to invite the future heirs of those people to the White House, softening them up for the DNC. One of the 19-year-old invitees said after the meet-and-greet that he thought they’d be hitting him and the other scions up for donations, and was surprised when it didn’t happen. I guess that even though he will one day be able to write checks with six or seven zeroes on them, he doesn’t yet understand how these things work. The Democrats are certifiably cuckoo, but even they know better than to kill the goose before it’s had a chance to lay golden eggs.

Speaking of kids, I have long believed that the greatest gift they could ever receive would be to live 24 hours 20 or 30 years in the future, just so they could see how unimportant all the things that plague them today really are. Things like asking or being asked for a date, getting a bad grade on a test, a falling-out with a friend, things that loom so large for a 15 or 16-year-old and lead some of them to take their own lives, are so trivial in the long run. But you can only realize that long afterwards. No teenager can ever believe that he won’t even remember the name of the girl in the 10th grade he has a crush on or the name of the teacher who’s driving him nuts today. For that reason alone, someone should get to work inventing a time machine. It would prevent an awful lot of heartache.

But sometimes even age doesn’t bring wisdom. It was, after all, Albert Einstein who said, “To my mind to kill in war is not a whit better than committing ordinary murder.” Was he serious? Did he honestly believe that the soldiers who killed Nazis and liberated concentration camp prisoners were no better than garden variety murderers? Some people, I’d suggest, should stick to physics or, perhaps, get one.

There seems to be a controversy over whether after we remove our main force from Afghanistan, we should leave behind 5,000 or 12,000 soldiers. Their mission, we’re told, would be to train Afghans to defend their own country. Now I’m willing to grant that they may be slow learners, but if we haven’t taught them the basics after a dozen years, I think it’s time to accept it’s a lost cause. The one thing these mugs seem to have learned is how to murder our soldiers and doctors. So, understand I’m just asking, but how much worse could things be if the Taliban came back and ran things? As I see it, where Muslims are concerned, there’s precious little difference between one group and another.

It recently occurred to me why they call liberal arts colleges liberal arts colleges. It’s because conservative professors are never hired and conservative students are persona non grata. That doesn’t stop the colleges from bragging about their tolerance and their desire for diversity, at least so long as it’s only diversity of pigmentation and not political opinion.

Along with that time machine, it would be a boon to mankind if someone would come up with a way to convert liberal hypocrisy into a source of unlimited renewable energy. But, alas, as things stand, all it’s good for is making my head explode and forcing steam to shoot out of my ears.

The other day, a friend of mine was ruing the fact that the GOP seems incapable of selling itself to the public. I agreed. I went on: “They can’t even agree on a plan with which to replace ObamaCare. But Reince Priebus has some worthwhile ideas for 2016, which include a shorter primary campaign, fewer debates, along with a ban on liberal moderators, and an earlier convention date.

And if I had his job, I would make it a hard and fast rule that Reagan’s 11th Commandment would be strictly enforced. In short, Scott, Rand, Rick, Ted, Mike, Bobby, Chris, etc., would get to tell us why he should be the standard bearer, period, and not waste our time pointing out that the other guys are rats and weasels. Step over the line, and a trapdoor will open underneath you. When you came to, you’d be on a small raft in the middle of the Atlantic, heading for Greenland.

We know that Democrats will be throwing mud at our candidate, but at least make the bastards find their own damn mud.

Based on his blatant arrogance, it’s obvious that the endless praise Barack Obama has received from the likes of the New York Times, the Washington Post, the major networks, CNN and the screwballs in Hollywood and at MSNBC, over the past six years went straight to his head.

It is, I contend, merely further proof that Nature truly abhors a vacuum.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2014

ISLAM, AMERICA’S SACRED COW


In spite of the fact that Islamists were attacking us long before 9/11, going back to 1979 when the Iranians held Americans hostage for well over a year, and including murderous attacks on American embassies, a Marine base, the USS Cole and the earlier bombing of the Twin Towers, some of us keep insisting it’s a peaceful religion.

Our presidents never tire of telling us that most American Muslims are peace-loving, even though it took the F.B.I. to stop those peaceniks from sending money to support jihadists even after 9/11, and a poll established that 21% of American Muslims have a soft spot in their hearts for suicide-bombers.

For their part, Islamic Americans keep portraying themselves as victims of bigotry, although there has been no evidence of it over the past 13 years. These days, they are demanding that a film at the 9/11 Museum in Manhattan recounting the events on that terrible day avoid any mention of Islam and make a point of distinguishing between bad Muslims and good ones.

I’m afraid that’s a distinction I am unable to make. To be sure, there are those who are active terrorists and there are those who simply cheer them on from the sidelines. Shortly after 9/11, I suggested that if the American variety wanted to differentiate themselves from the barbarians, they could have easily convinced me by passing the hat in their numerous mosques, followed by an announcement that they were offering a multi-million dollar reward on the head of Osama bin Laden.

But that never happened. Now I’m not suggesting that every American who kneels to Mecca is a villain. But not every German was a Nazi and not every Russian was a Communist. But when the Nazis were killing six million Jews and when the Soviet Union was rolling over all of Eastern Europe, we didn’t hear about a lot of conscientious objectors.

The First Amendment prohibits Congress from establishing a religion, but it’s obvious that Islam has a special place in the pantheon of major faiths. A great many Americans feel free to state their objections to Christianity and Judaism, but when it comes to Islam, we all have to pretend that it’s better than the others and that its followers deserve special consideration. I mean, when was the last time you heard an American president say that Christianity or Judaism was a religion of peace?

Our government is so tongue-tied when it comes to condemning followers of Islam, they couldn’t even describe the mass murders at Fort Hood as Islamic terrorism, dismissing the butchery of Major Nidal Hasan as “workplace violence.”

Radio talk show host Michael Medved has referred to Islam as “the religion of perpetual outrage.” It is a neat term that pretty much describes several other groups, including atheists, gays, blacks and young single women.

A lot of the blatant hypocrisy is a result of the multi-cultural crap that has permeated our society. Our kids are being taught that every culture is at least as good, and usually better, than our own. It used to be said that America was a melting pot. I never thought that was an appropriate metaphor. I think it used to be more of a patchwork quilt, with each square unique, but adding up to a thing of beauty. Now it would be closer to the truth to describe it as a bunch of rags.

The enemy has been so totally whitewashed that when the latest Middle East peace talks predictably broke down because the Palestinians decided to cast their lot with Hamas, State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki blamed both sides. Right, on one side you had those rotten Israelis building homes on land the Arabs and Muslims claim is theirs, while on the other side you had Palestinian President Abbas linking up with terrorists who have vowed to eliminate Israel from the face of the earth. Only the anti-Semites who inhabit the rat’s nest known as the State Department would find those two facts equally damning.

As you may have heard, Obama and Holder have decided it would be a great idea to cut loose several thousand felons, whom they insist are serving unpardonably harsh sentences. They have set up some phony guidelines for clemency, including the conditions that the criminals were not involved with gangs or guilty of violence.

Why phony? Well, for one thing, there is no such thing as a drug dealer who was not connected to a gang or did not engage in violence. For another, virtually every schmuck who winds up in the jug has had his mouthpiece plea bargain a deal with the prosecutor. So pretending that the crime he was finally sentenced for has anything to do with the crime he actually committed is a joke at best and racial politics at worst; especially when the Democrats are constantly looking to give convicted felons the vote.

On the other hand, inasmuch as actual justice would demand that both Obama and Holder eventually serve hard time for their various offenses against the Constitution, perhaps they’re simply hoping to provide escape hatches for themselves.

The problem is that neither of them could get away with claiming they have no gang affiliation. In their case, the gang isn’t the Crips, the Bloods or the Devil Hunters, it’s the DNC.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, May 12, 2014

MICKEY MOUSE & MICKEY ROONEY


To get an idea of how far removed from reality or at least from the truth liberals are, you merely had to listen to them insist that when Eric Holder appeared before Al Sharpton’s National Action Network, boohooing about the way he and Obama are treated, he wasn’t referring to the fact they’re both black.

The truth is that virtually everything Holder does or says is racial in nature. Some would even say “racist.” He was the fellow, you might recall, who called whites cowards for being unwilling to speak honestly about race, by which he meant fess up to being bigots. Also, according to certain lawyers at the Justice Department, upon taking office, Holder announced it would not be his policy to charge non-whites with hate crimes or civil rights infractions. What’s more, he proved he meant it when he refused to indict the Black Panthers for intimidating white voters in Philadelphia during the 2008 presidential election. Under his despicable watch, the blindfold was forcefully removed from Lady Justice’s eyes.

As for his boss, only Obama would have the gall to insist that the $700 million he spent promoting the Affordable Care Act didn’t constitute a “hard sell.” But, then, considering a $17 trillion national debt and the millions of tax dollars he and the missus have blown on exotic vacations, perhaps he’s really come to regard $700 million as chump change.

When you realize how welfare has expanded under the current administration, and how many people are now fraudulently getting free food, tax refunds in spite of paying no taxes and subsidized health care, you understand why it might be difficult for a presidential candidate who points out that when people refer to a safety net, they’re not talking about a hammock, to be elected.

It’s not just leftists who say foolish things, as so many Republican politicians are only too eager to remind us. For instance, Jeb Bush insists that those who sneak into America are committing “acts of love.”

Frankly, I’m not sure I’ve heard such a stupid comment from a Republican since his big brother told us on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis that Islam is a religion of peace, even after 9/11 and even while American soldiers were fighting and dying in two wars with Muslims. As bad as FDR was in many ways, he never, not once, insisted that there was a lot to be said for the Nazis.

I’m thinking that Barbara Bush was a bit too lenient with the boys, perhaps sparing the rod a little too often, especially when they were spouting flapdoodle.

For good measure, Jeb came out four-square in favor of Common Core. That leads me to believe he could offer Hillary Clinton some real competition in 2016. That is, if he decides to go after the Democratic nomination.

With the passing of Mickey Rooney, 93, I was reminded that for years, at the semi-annual lunches that brought six people who had an interest in American musicals together, I and my old friend Tom Pflimlin would get on the case of Ray Charles – not the blues singer, but the musical conductor and arranger who had put in several years with Perry Como. “The Other Ray Charles,” as he took to calling himself, served as music conductor for the annual Kennedy Center Awards, and although he had no say in the matter of the honorees, Pflimlin and I would invariably harass him for not doing more on behalf of Mickey Rooney.

For those of you unaware of the award, its recipients are honored for their lifetime contributions to the performing arts at an annual gala attended by Washington’s elite, such as they are.

Since 1975, there have been 178 recipients. Although the selection process is secret, certain criteria are apparent. They like to have a mix of artistic disciplines represented, along with a mix of men, women and minorities.

The 1978 group, Fred Astaire, Marian Anderson, George Balanchine, Arthur Rubenstein and Richard Rodgers, was, by their standards, ideal. Over the years, the likes of Aaron Copland, James Cagney, Leonard Bernstein, Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, Bob Hope, Billy Wilder, Gene Kelly, Tennessee Williams and Benny Goodman, were honorees.

But why, Tom and I would annoyingly demand of Ray Charles, was Mickey Rooney never selected? After all, Rooney had been a star from the time he was a boy. He had made his mark in movies – in certain years being an even bigger box office attraction than his MGM cohort, Clark Gable. He could sing, dance, perform equally well in drama and comedy, and, when called for, play various musical instruments. In addition, he won Oscars and Emmys. But the best Ray could come up with is that a lot of people disliked Rooney, regarding him as an egotist and a blowhard.

The mystery only increased as the years went by and even the lesser likes of Ossie Davis, Ruby Dee, Martin Scorsese, Shirley MacLaine, David Letterman and Joanne Woodward, were inducted into the Pantheon.

I can assure you that some of these people aren’t all that congenial and were definitely less deserving of a Kennedy Award than the Mick.

Finally, it was recently disclosed that Bill Clinton had his aides look into Roswell, N.M., where a certain segment of the population are still convinced a spaceship crashed in 1947. Their mission was to make certain there were no alien critters being held incognito by the feds, as the conspiracy-minded believed.

The story that the only one they discovered was Hillary is, at best, an unprovable rumor; at worst, a slander of alien critters.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

"Debunking Balderdash" and "Piling on Cliven Bundy"


The oracles at the New York Times recently announced that, economically, our own middle class has fallen behind that of our neighbor to the north.  I’m not sure what their intention was in sharing this bad news.  Heaven knows they’d never think of laying the blame for this embarrassment at the feet of Barack Obama and his absurd economic policies, which have included destroying the world’s preeminent health care system; extending unemployment benefits to the end of time; encouraging the EPA to do its best to regulate the oil and coal industries out of existence; and seemingly doing everything in his power to destroy capitalism.

The two things that the Times neglected to mention by way of explanation was that, unlike the left-wing slacker in the White House, Canada is being led by a conservative prime minister, Stephen Harper, who has lowered taxes and passed a balanced budget, which just happen to be two things that Obama would never even consider, lest the mere concept sent him to bed with a severe case of shingles.

One of the many things wrong with Obama is that he is so terribly concerned with the plight of illegal aliens, who have no right, either morally or legally, to be in this country, but apparently doesn't care a whit that our military veterans are being treated like shit by the federal bureaucrats at the V.A., who continue to cash their bonus checks while ignoring the physical and mental problems of those they’re supposed to serve.

In the meantime, students at the University of Hawaii were prevented from passing out free copies of the U.S. Constitution by school administrators, who obviously hadn’t taken advantage of the free offer to bone up on the 1st Amendment.

However, it’s my suspicion that if the students had torn out the pages and passed them out as wrappers for marijuana, the same administrators would have never dared to impinge on their right to do so, as long as the recipients swore to use them solely for that purpose, and nobody cheated by actually reading the immortal words of James Madison.

Speaking of the Constitution, it seems that big city liberals never quit trying to gut it.  This time, they are attempting to get rid of the Electoral College by letting the popular vote determine the presidential election.  Thus, they would give urban voters (read liberal) a leg up over rural and suburban voters, as if they don’t already have a decisive advantage in L.A., New York, Philadelphia, Detroit, Chicago, Houston, San Francisco and Newark, thanks to the high concentration of black voters.

There are well-meaning people whose kneejerk reaction is to say that it should be the popular vote that determines winners and losers, but the Founding Fathers had a realistic fear of large groups of people.  They wanted to protect the nation by preventing the major population centers in a few states from running roughshod over the smaller states.  In other words, they felt that just because one candidate won by several million votes in half a dozen states and the opposing candidate won more states, but by smaller margins, the tail shouldn’t be allowed to wag the dog.

The Founders believed in the sovereign rights of individual states, and this was one of the many, and perhaps the wisest, ways in which they expressed that belief.

In other predictable news, Iran has been given a seat on the U.N. Commission on the Rights of Women.  How could it be otherwise?  After all, who would know better about women’s rights than Iran, where recently a woman was sentenced to death for stabbing a man who was attempting to rape her?  The irony of the sentence is that if the rapist had been successful, his victim would have either been executed for adultery by the state or been murdered by her father or her brothers for bringing dishonor to the family.

But there are some things which even the U.N. Commission won’t abide.  Last month, they passed a resolution condemning Israel for its treatment of Palestinian women.  I can only imagine they object to the Israelis’ stubborn refusal to make them wear burkas in public and the reluctance of Jewish surgeons to perform clitorectomies!

Because we are still so far from the 2016 presidential race, besides believing that the GOP would be best served by having a governor as our standard bearer, and personally favoring Scott Walker, Mike Pence and Rick Perry, the one thing I can promise is that any of them can win me over by simply vowing to cut us loose from the United Nations.

If we have to join something, and I don’t know why we would, let it be along the lines of a Confederation of Civilized, Capitalistic, Nations, with membership pretty much limited to Canada, England, Japan, Israel, Australia and us.

Short of that, how about the American Legion or a summer bowling league?



PILING ON CLIVEN BUNDY

For a few days, Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy was a heroic figure to a great many conservatives. Then, overnight, he became a pariah. There were some people, aside from Harry Reid, who suggested he should have to ring a little bell whenever he went out in public, and announce his presence by repeating, “Unclean! Unclean!”

Now I grant that there was no good reason for him to open his yap about the urban blacks residing in North Las Vegas, just as there was no reason for those two Republican knuckleheads running for the Senate in 2012 to shoot off their mouths about rape.

But, aside from the fact that Mr. Bundy is not the most eloquent of speakers, what did he say that was so terrible? I mean, it’s not as if he spent three years lying about our being able to keep our doctors and our health insurance just so he could shove his disgusting signature piece of legislation down our throats.

What Bundy said out loud is what most people think about millions of black people who, in spite of decades of Operation Head Start, Affirmative Action and billions of tax dollars squandered on welfare, are quite content to live off Uncle Sam, to continue voting the straight Democratic ticket and to encourage the next generation to follow suit. Are any of you self-righteous buffoons looking to lynch Mr. Bundy volunteering to drive into the hood tonight and ask for directions? Or stop for a beer? I thought not.

What Bundy was basically saying was that when you have a 71% rate of illegitimacy, a record number of abortions and more young men finding they’d rather peddle drugs than get an education or a job, you can’t be too surprised at such dismal and heartbreaking results.

As for his politically incorrect use of the word “Negroes,” we should all take a deep breath and realize that a great many black people not only use a far more repulsive term in their everyday speech, but that the “CP” in NAACP doesn’t stand for “Cool People.”

A reader let me know that a religious friend of his is convinced that people are all good at their core. I responded, “If I were to speak to her, I’d say that Christ and Moses, like the Founding Fathers, understood that man is not a perfect creature, and that is why the Golden Rule, the 10 Commandments and the Constitution, were so essential to mankind. Conservatives understand that we all need guide posts. It’s only those on the Left who think that people are perfect, and that it’s only, say, capitalism that needs to be reined in.

“So, assuming she’s a conservative,” I went on, “what makes her believe such malarkey? If parents don’t teach a child that it’s wrong to take another kid’s toys, the child is very likely going to grow up to be a thief, if not something even worse.

“Heck, we see the results of a child being denied a father and a father’s discipline every day in the black community. The point was made powerfully some years ago when there was an outbreak of violence on an African game preserve. Rhinos were being attacked and killed in large numbers. The game wardens couldn’t figure out the cause of the butchery until they set up cameras in strategic locations and discovered that young elephants were running in a pack and killing the rhinos for fun.

“The problem was that poachers had killed off the bull elephants for their ivory tusks. The solution that the wardens came up with was to bring in a few bulls from outlying regions. The wardens then decided that the leader of the teenage gang was beyond redemption and shot him. But the other young elephants quickly fell into line once the “fathers” let them know how elephants were expected to behave.”

I trust you understand that I am not tarring all blacks with the same brush. After all, we’re all very much aware of such exemplary individuals as Clarence Thomas, Walter Williams, Thomas Sowell, Ben Carson, Star Parker, Allen West and Tim Scott. But there’s no getting around the fact that 95% of blacks vote the straight Democratic ticket because the liberals have set themselves up as the slave masters who see to it that their able-bodied wards don’t go hungry, while only demanding that they express their gratitude by occasionally going out to vote, not require that they tote any barges or lift any bales.

That brings me to entitlements. We have been so brainwashed by the media and liberal politicians that we have actually come to refer to welfare as an entitlement. Entitled on what basis? That the recipient is still breathing? I understand that there are actual entitlements, but those are limited to pensions for veterans who risked their lives in defense of America and Social Security checks for those who worked and paid into the system for 40 or 50 years.

I’m sure there are those who will take offense at my stereotyping millions of people, but I contend that the word exists because stereotypes exist, or would you deny that, by and large, Asians are technologically advanced, that Germans are efficient, Russians drink an awful lot of vodka, that American teenagers suffer from excessive self-esteem and that Jews are argumentative?

Ha! I didn’t think so.



John Reagan of Dallas, TX, who won the April drawing. A copy of "Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco" is on its way to him.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Wednesday, May 7, 2014

MISTAKES & OTHER MISDEMEANORS


Over the course of writing 1,400 articles, I have made some mistakes. Liberals would insist that each of the 1,400 is jam-packed with them, but they’d only be taking issue with my opinions and my conclusions.

I’m not claiming that even conservatives agree with me all the time or that all of my jokes are gems, but I can only recall two instances when I’ve made factual errors. The first time was when I griped that Mitt Romney garnered fewer votes than John McCain. I also fell hook, line and sinker, for the hoax about Obama’s opening gas stations in several inner cities where poor people could fill up their gas tanks for free.

In the first case, I had apparently based my belief on what I thought were final election returns, but weren’t. In the second case, I can only say that it sounded so much like what Obama does on a regular basis – namely, dispensing favors in exchange for votes – that I saw no reason to be skeptical.

But honesty compelled me to come clean in subsequent articles, much as I hated doing so.

So why can’t Senate Democrats simply admit that ObamaCare is an unmitigated disaster? I’m obviously not referring to the poor dumb clucks who will be up for re-election this year and are running from the Affordable Care Act the way Ernest Hemingway and his drunken cohorts used to run from the bulls in the streets of Pamplona, frightened it’s their ox that will be gored in November.

Why can’t Obama stop misusing his presidential authority by altering the bill every five minutes? Why can’t Pelosi stop making us laugh by insisting that the Democrats will actually run on ObamaCare because we will have all come to love it by next winter? Do they really think we haven’t noticed that they keep delaying the vilest portions of the law because they know it’s as toxic as nuclear waste?

Perhaps worst of all was listening to Harry Reid label actual cancer victims liars simply because they’ve gone public over the additional horrors they’ve been forced to deal with because of Obama’s signature piece of legislation. To top it off, Reid, who’s something of a cancer on the body politic, then announced on the slimy floor of the Senate that he had never done any such thing.

For what it’s worth, Fortune magazine’s recent list of the 100 greatest leaders in the world was topped by Pope Francis, and included the likes of Angelina Jolie and Derek Jeter, but there was one notable exception: Barack (“Watch me lower the oceans and heal the planet”) Obama.

In related news, the Nobel Committee has sent out two guys named Sven and Olaf to take back Obama’s Peace Prize.

Speaking of Francis and Barack, the Pope took a vow of poverty. The President, on the other hand, obviously took one, together with the missus, of royal excess and extravagance.
Obama, who never gets tired of locking his lips on the rump of something he lovingly refers to as the International Community, now wants to relinquish America’s control of the Internet to this mythical beast. Next on his agenda is giving the Statue of Liberty back to France and returning Alaska to Russia.

When the stupid and naïve whine about a do-nothing Congress, my inclination is to suggest they take two aspirin and go to bed. That’s because it recently came to light that for every law that Congress passes, the bureaucrats add, on average, 51 regulations. So is the problem that some of you can’t get enough of Washington’s sticking its nose in your business? If so, just say the word and I’ll come over and check out your closets, drawers and medicine cabinets.

As if it’s not bad enough that we tend to elect really stupid people to high office, a recent study disclosed that Washington, D.C., has the highest consumption of alcohol in the nation. On average, they go through 34 liters of the stuff every year. In distant second place came New Hampshire with just 20 liters. With all the crap going on in Washington, you’d think it would be the rest of us who’d be guzzling ourselves into a stupor.

In other news, the response to the Supreme Court’s recent decision lifting some of the limits on campaign contributions had me shaking my head. No sooner was the decision handed down than Democrats were gnashing their teeth and the Republicans were breaking out the confetti and noisemakers.

I know that the left-wing propagandists portray Republicans as wealthy fat cats and Democrats as the downtrodden, but so far as I know, the majority of billionaires are on the Left. On our side, we have Sheldon Adelson, Donald Trump and the Koch brothers. But they have George Soros, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Paul Allen, Mark Zuckerberg, Ted Turner, David Geffen, Tom Steyer, Oprah Winfrey, not to mention the unions, trial lawyers, Hollywood and the music industry.

It’s my guess that the Right has been snookered once again and the tears those on the Left are shedding are of the crocodile variety.

Speaking of the Left, as despicable as they are, sometimes you simply have to sit back and admire their sheer audacity. For instance, imagine devoting a part of the campus at the University of Michigan, Dearborn, to an artistic celebration of abortion.

I grant that’s not the least bit audacious. On an American college campus, it’s commonplace. What raises it to a new level of audacity, not to mention hypocrisy, is their daring to call it “a life-sustaining” event. But, on second thought, I suppose that’s in keeping with calling those creeps who celebrate 500,000 abortions a year as “Pro-Choice,” which is only one step removed from referring to other gruesome acts as “Pro-Rape” and Pro-Child Molestation.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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Monday, May 5, 2014

"THE FEDS ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS" and "NAZIS, AMERICAN STYLE"


Fortunately, I no longer board a lot of airplanes because if I did, it would really piss me off that after a teenager flew to Hawaii in the wheel well of a jetliner, a spokesperson for the TSA said that nobody can be expected to prevent a kid from hopping over the fence at the San Jose Airport in the middle of the night.

I suppose that would hold true even if the kid happened to be a jihadist carrying a bomb in his backpack. Keep that in mind the next time you’re doffing your jacket, belt and shoes and being X-rayed, by the same jerks who are only too happy to disarm you of your nail clippers, toothpaste and shampoo, after you’ve been shuffling along in a serpentine line for an hour or so.

Those people like Tom Steyer who get to pretend they’re sane because they get to call themselves a multi-syllabic word like “environmentalists” when the rest of us know they are simply mental cases, are insisting that the Keystone pipeline would destroy every state through which it would pass. But at the same time, they ignore the fact that Canadian oil is already coming south, but instead of traveling safely through a pipeline, it is coming down by train and truck. That being the case, wouldn’t you think they would prefer the option of a nice clean pipeline? Of course that would be the case if they were rational. But because these arrogant schmucks are divorced from reality, all they care about is winning, even if it harms the very thing they allegedly care the most about; namely, the environment.

Speaking of which, I am not one of those people who thinks cattle rancher Cliven Bundy is another Nathan Hale, but I am far more sympathetic to the side he represents, the individual standing up to the federal government, than I am of his opponents.

Like everyone else who has followed the story, I am aware that the feds own 84% of Nevada. They also own large portions of Colorado, Idaho, Oregon, California, Alaska, New Mexico, Utah, Arizona and Wyoming, in amounts ranging from 36% to 69%. The question is, why. Aside from national parks, military bases and a few fancy buildings in Washington, D.C., why should the federal government lay claim to a single acre of the United States? As I see it, they have no more business or constitutional authority to claim it than I have.

Getting back to rancher Bundy, I know there are people who regard him as a scofflaw because there have been court judgments made against him in the past. But, thanks to super-duper scofflaws like Obama, Holder and Harry Reid, it’s difficult for most of us to take that argument too much to heart.

One could say that Harry Reid, who has led the condemnation of Mr. Bundy, has feet of clay, but under closer analysis, it appears they only look like clay. They have an aroma far more reminiscent of a pig sty.

In the case of Bundy’s ranch, Reid has been hip-deep in a land scam that involves his son Rory and his former senior advisor, the current head of the Bureau of Land Management, Neil Kornze. The way it works is that Reid makes a deal with, say, the Chinese, making public land available at a reduced price so long as lawyer Rory Reid gets to handle the pricey paperwork, in the meantime getting Kornze to use his heavily-armed BLM thugs to push people like Bundy off the designated property.

Those who are naïve or just plain knuckleheads will say, “But what about those federal court orders?” To which I say, “Who the heck do you think gets to appoint those judges in the first place?” Sometimes, black robes are a better disguise for villains than black masks.

In a great many political races now taking place, liberal incumbents who have never served in the military are being contemptuous of their opponents who are veterans, and I suggest they should pay a heavy price on Election Day.

How dare some damn ex-ambulance chaser dare to claim that what they do is essential, but defending our nation on the battlefield isn’t even a real job, as a couple of them have suggested!

Now I’m not one of those people who believe that military veterans necessarily make great politicians. The evidence in the form of Charley Rangel and the three Johns – Murtha, McCain and Kerry –is pretty compelling in the opposite direction. Secretary of State Kerry, in 2006, speaking for liberals everywhere, said that smart people, referring no doubt to his own offspring, go to college and make something of themselves, whereas other people’s sons go to Iraq.

Even if George W. Bush wasn’t another George Washington, Calvin Coolidge or Ronald Reagan, it should never be forgotten that he was the man who kept Kerry, along with Al Gore, out of the Oval Office. For that alone, his birthday should be a national holiday.

NAZIS, AMERICAN STYLE

It's no secret that the Left tends to be totalitarian in nature. Whether it was Hitler’s Germany, Mussolini’s Italy, Stalin’s Russia, Castro’s Cuba or Mao’s China, there’s nothing that pleases a Progressive more than a dictator with his boot on the neck of those they regard as a lower form of animal life: namely, conservatives.

We can now add Obama’s America to the long and dismal list. Whether it’s using the IRS to punish his political foes; the Justice Department to spy on members of the press; the State Department to provide cover for the Benghazi massacre; or his own executive power to circumvent Congress and the Constitution by altering the Affordable Care Act on a weekly basis, Obama has decided it’s good to be the dictator.

Unfortunately, we only have Republicans opposing this naked grab of power. Heck, during his State of the Union address, the House Democrats actually gave him a standing ovation when he announced that in the future he would ignore his constitutional restraints and legislate from the Oval Office.

Still, there are people who insist that if you oppose Obama’s agenda, it means you’re a racist. A sane person just wants to shake them until the marbles in their head sound like castanets. Do they actually believe that if a white person – say Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton – had given us five years of rising debt; a stagnant economy; coddled our enemies; betrayed our allies; and saddled us with a disastrous health care plan; we’d be donning our party hats and dancing in the streets?

On the other hand, if Obama weren’t black, would so many Americans have ignored his promise in 2008 to destroy the oil and coal industries and to redistribute our wealth in ways reminiscent of Lenin and Stalin? Also, if he weren’t black, wouldn’t his vow to personally lower the ocean and heal the planet have been viewed as the ravings of a mad man?

I grant that not voting for someone simply because he’s black is racist. But how is voting for him because he’s black not also racist?

But Obama isn’t the only one exhibiting totalitarian instincts. In 2008, Brendan Eich donated $1,000 to the Proposition 8 campaign here in California. Like the majority of the voters at the time, he believed that marriage should involve one man and one woman. For what it’s worth, it just so happens that both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton shared that rational view.

But this is 2014, and although they don’t really mind being on the wrong side of history, liberal politicians don’t want to be on the wrong side of homosexuals, who have a great deal of disposable income with which to promote the campaigns of their favorite butt-kissers.

Once Mr. Eich was promoted to the position of CEO at Mozilla, the tech company he helped found, the homosexual termites crawled out of the woodwork, demanding his head on a pike. Within days, Mozilla’s board of directors, who could easily pass for a gang of jackals, if jackals wore suits and lacked spines, demanded and received Eich’s resignation. Not too surprisingly, those Mozilla executives who donated to Obama or Clinton back in 2008 remain gainfully employed.

In 2008, I wrote that the homosexuals who were invading church services and threatening those who had merely taken advantage of their 1st Amendment rights were not only fascist thugs, but cowards. I came to that conclusion because although the vote was fairly even among whites, the reason Prop 8 passed was because the black vote was overwhelmingly in favor of the bill. And yet, for all their moral outrage, the gays didn’t dare disrupt services in a black church or confront black business owners for fear of the physical consequences.

No matter how often they get their way because of gutless judges and legislators, liberals are never content to rest on their laurels. Whether the issue is same sex marriage, abortions or unions, leftists never leave their jackboots at home. For instance, simply because Gov. Scott Walker had the temerity to oppose ever-increasing pensions for Wisconsin’s public service unions, he, his wife and his children, all received death threats.

Let a conservative be invited to speak on a college campus –whether it’s former Secretary of State Condi Rice, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, an Israeli diplomat or someone representing the anti-abortion movement -- one can fully expect that campus liberals, CAIR or feminists, will either see to it that the invitation is rescinded or disrupt the address with catcalls and demonstrations. They know all too well that gutless college administrators won’t dare expel them.

Speaking of the cesspool that academia has become over the past few decades, the University of Michigan promoted a Pro Choice exhibit with a sign that announced “Abortion is a Gift from God.” My assumption is that the God they had in mind was either named Barack Obama or Baal.

Speaking of religious lunacy, a furor was set off because Iran appointed a known jihadist to be its ambassador to the U.N. Frankly, except for Guantanamo or a casket, I can’t think of a more appropriate destination for a Muslim terrorist.

Besides, who are we to cast stones? Here in America, as you may have noticed, we not only send our own native-born terrorists -- people like Bill Ayers and Angela Davis -- to college, we give them tenure!


©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

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