Wednesday, July 30, 2014

"Who Are These People?" and "Alas, Poor Obama, I Knew Him Well"

Sometimes, as I take in the passing scene, I find myself wondering if I went to sleep on earth and woke up on some other planet. And, mind you, it’s not just the politicians who are giving me this queasy feeling.

For instance, Eric and Charlotte Kaufman are apparently the kind of people who are the envy of other couples in their circle. I can hear the wives in that circle looking disdainfully at their own husbands and saying, “Why can’t you be more like Eric? Why don’t you ever decide to take us on a 3,000 mile sailing voyage? You’re such an old stick-in-the mud.”

The husbands are now in a position to give their wives the horselaugh because when the Kaufmans decided to sail from Mexico to New Zealand, they also decided to take their one-year-old twin daughters along. Not too surprisingly, one of the little girls took sick 900 miles out, and the Kaufmans had to be rescued at sea at a cost to California’s taxpayers of $663,000!

Once on dry land, Mrs. Kaufman, defending herself against those who called her a lousy mother, said, “Kids get sick.” She seemed unaware that she was actually making the case for those of us who regarded them as a pair of irresponsible dunderheads. Kids do get sick. With annoying regularity, I would add. That is why normal people with little kids take them to the park or the zoo. Where they don’t take them is on a 3,000 mile ocean voyage in a sailboat just so that their friends will gush, “Those Kaufmans sure are a fun couple.”

While we’re on this subject, I think that anyone, with or without kids in tow, who gets it into his head to sail around the world or climb a mountain should be compelled to take out the appropriate insurance, so that innocent taxpayers don’t get stuck having to foot the bill to finance rescue operations. If you require an adrenaline rush to make your life worth living, it’s no business of mine, just so long as I don’t have to pay for the helicopters and the brave crews who are going to have to risk their necks to save your silly one.

Another example of a civilian behaving as foolishly as a politician was the guy who fell asleep at a baseball game and is now suing ESPN because when he was caught snoozing on camera, the broadcasters made a few jokes at his expense. He is suing for $10 million because of the emotional distress he was caused.

Of course he won’t win, but imagine the precedent if he did, and everyone who ever fell asleep at a baseball game decided to sue. I mean, so what if ESPN broadcasters didn’t humiliate you on national TV? It’s possible you were hit with a bag of peanuts thrown by a vendor or spilled a cup of your over-priced beer while sawing logs. The problem, as even the greediest shyster will acknowledge, is that everyone knows that falling asleep at a baseball game is the real national pastime.

But when dealing with the loons of America, you can only go so long without mentioning politicians. So let us consider Harry Reid. In the wake of the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision, when the majority had the gall to rule that religious rights still exist in America, Sen. Reid declared: “The one thing we’re going to do during this work period, sooner rather than later, is to ensure that women’s lives are not determined by virtue of five white men.” I understand that as Senate majority leader, Reid has a great deal of authority, but not even he has the power to turn Justice Clarence Thomas into a Caucasian.

Although a genuine contender, Reid can’t really rival Obama when it comes to abusing logic and ignoring reality. This is the bloke, after all, who defended trading five major Islamic terrorists for one Army deserter with the high-sounding “America brings all of its soldiers home.” What he neglected to add were the words “Except for one Marine rotting in a stinking Mexican jail.”

The message we should all take away from Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi’s nightmarish imprisonment is that Mexico remains a third world cesspool. Why any American would go there of his own free will is beyond me. Frankly, I think I’d rather sail off to New Zealand with the Kaufmans.

After the bloody July 4th weekend shootings in Chicago left dozens of people wounded or dead, I fully expected to hear that huge numbers of children from that war zone were showing up in Guatemala, Salvador and Honduras, seeking refugee status.

Obama went to Texas and the only politician willing to be seen with him was a Republican governor. Then he went to Colorado, where the incumbent Democrat running for governor and the incumbent Democrat running for the Senate insisted they were too busy to even show up for the fund-raisers he was hosting on their behalf.

It’s disgraceful. The Democrats are treating the president the way cheating husbands treat their mistresses in public. That is except for Bill Clinton, who famously gave Monica Lewinsky a big squeeze in front of the White House, and, of course, Chris Christie who got tongues wagging when he gave Obama an even bigger squeeze in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

It’s not widely known, but a man posing as Barack Obama was recently discovered in Texas. He looked and even sounded exactly like the president, but he gave himself away when he declined to visit the border by saying, “I’m not interested in photo ops. I’m interested in solving a problem.”

Then, with everyone within earshot doubled over with laughter, he scooted off and was next spotted shooting a game of pool in Colorado.

For many years, I was a Democrat. I used to hear that rich people were all Republicans and I believed it. God knows I’m still hearing it. And assuming it’s true, what I want to know is why all those damn Republicans keep showing up at these endless $30,000-a plate fund-raisers for Barack Obama!

"Alas, Poor Obama, I Knew Him Well"

I realize that conservatives like to take pot shots at Obama over his constantly flying off to engage in fund-raising events. Heck, I enjoy taking those pot shots as much as anyone. In fact, some days it’s the only exercise I get. But we should always engage in fair play. In that spirit, I must ask, channeling my inner Hillary, what difference, at this point, does it make where he is? After all, he needn’t be in the Oval Office or in the White House Rose Garden in order to say, “I can’t comment in the midst of an ongoing investigation “ or “Let’s not get in front of the facts” or “I’m going to hold my breath until President Putin decides he’s tired of being isolated by the global community.”

In one of my favorite movies, “The Princess Bride,” the villain, Vizzini’s comment after every exasperating setback is “Inconceivable.” After several such utterances, the gallant swordsman, Inigo Montoya, is finally moved to say: “I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” So it is that every single time I hear Obama refer to this mystical world community that exists only in his pointy head, I imagine Senor Montoya suggesting that the term doesn’t mean what Obama seems to think it means.

This wonderful community that Obama refers to as if it were a heavenly host located here on earth consists of China, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iran, Venezuela, Syria, Yemen, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, North Korea, Gaza and all those sniveling nations in Europe, who live in fear of Russia’s refusing to sell them oil and gas. The sad truth is that if you counted up the nations that are either allies or dependents of Russia, they would far out-number those committed to the spite of the countless bribes we bestow on our sworn enemies.

If you want to see the world community in all its glory, just take a look at the United Nations, an organization so morally bankrupt that if the Mafia were a nation, the chances are it would refuse to join, lest its reputation be tainted by association.

As for Obama, he recently went on record as favoring statehood for Washington, D.C. There is no other reason for such a proposal except that it would mean two additional senators under Harry Reid’s control. In much the same way, the Catholic Church can always be counted on to encourage illegal aliens to sneak across our border, something the Church would never condone if those violating our sovereignty were Protestants or Jews.

The more I hear about all those innocent civilians in Gaza being killed by Israelis, acting in response to the Palestinians’ constant shelling of Israel, the more I want to scream. Those so-called innocent civilians not only elected to be governed by Hamas, a group of sub-humans sworn to exterminate the Jews, but then went along with having their children used as human shields simply to provide the terrorists with the little battered bodies they use as propaganda tools.

On top of that, I have to keep listening to left-wing politicians and media pundits referring to civilian casualties in Gaza. Inasmuch as the creeps firing missiles non-stop into Israel refuse to wear uniforms, they are all technically civilians, at least according to the Jew-haters in our midst.

I trust nobody was too surprised that Obama decided to provide Iran with another four months of pointless negotiations, along with releasing a few billion dollars in frozen assets. If the outcome didn’t promise to be horrific, I would probably be amused by the way the mullahs play us and the Europeans for suckers. Even though the game is rigged, we in the West continue playing strip poker with Islamic card sharks. By this time, they have taken just about everything we have, including John Kerry’s skivvies and Angela Merkel’s girdle.

Is it only my imagination or is this administration only concerned with religious persecution when the victims are the followers of Allah? In fact, even the murders of Christians and Jews, and the wholesale destruction of churches in the Middle East, seems to pale in importance when compared to the bruised feelings of a few American Muslims.

I don’t happen to believe that it is the government’s job to provide charity in any form. But I understand that there are millions of Americans, generally of the liberal persuasion, who seem to think that is the federal government’s primary purpose even though there is no mention of it in the Constitution. Therefore, doesn’t it behoove Obama to point out to those attending his frequent fund-raisers that they could have provided a year’s worth of hot meals for a dozen homeless people for the same $35,000 they coughed up to listen to one of his usual self-serving bullshit speeches?

So much for the redistribution of wealth malarkey!

Finally, a friend of mine likes to quote George Will’s line that people should only speak if in doing so they improve on the silence. It brings to mind that Obama and his gang of criminal accomplices rode to power by promising to radically transform America. As we’ve seen over the past six years –both domestically and on the world stage – it’s not a good idea to change something unless you can improve upon it.

What Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Sebelius, Kerry, Hagel and Holder, have done by way of transforming America is comparable to calling in a graffiti vandal to spray paint a mustache on the Mona Lisa or asking a bull to redesign a china shop.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 28, 2014

"Planet of the Apes" and "I'm From The Government..."

Every so often the Palestinians pick a fight with Israel for the sole purpose of provoking the Israelis to retaliate. Once, thanks to the terrorists sticking women and children in target zones, the civilian casualties pile up, the world, led by the U.S., can be counted upon to condemn the Israelis for over-reacting and to then bestow billions of dollars on the provocateurs. That in turn provides the scumbags with the money with which to purchase more missiles and more concrete with which to construct tunnels into Israel.

You never notice anyone pointing out that Germany suffered far more casualties during WWII than America did because it would be so obviously pointless. For one thing, Germany started it. For another thing, if the numbers had been reversed, it would have meant the Nazis had won the war.

Whenever these conflicts between the Jews and the Muslims break out, you can bank on the fact that the media will claim that Israel is out to commit genocide. It is widely accepted that European and, to a lesser extent, American journalists and entertainment figures are anti-Semitic. In some quarters, it’s nearly a prerequisite. As bad as that is, they also feel it essential to leave their powers of logic and reason out in the cold. I mean, when Israel is accused of committing genocide against the Palestinians, wouldn’t you think someone at NBC, ABC or the NY Times might pipe up to say: “Israel is a nuclear power with a modern military equipped with jets and tanks. If they were really out to eliminate those people whose own charter calls for the extermination of Israel, don’t you think that after three weeks, they would have killed more than a thousand Palestinians?”

Here in America, you have a Congress filled with Jewish Democrats, and yet not one of them confronts Obama over his tying funds for Central American immigrants to a bill that calls for us to help Israel purchase replacements for the Iron Dome defense system. It’s the system, by the way, that has prevented most of the 20,000 Palestinian missiles from landing, missiles that, had they landed, would have resulted in civilian fatalities that would have dwarfed what the Palestinians have experienced.

The sharp-eyed among you would have noticed that I haven’t mentioned Hamas. That is because I no longer differentiate between the terrorist organization and those who elected and continue to support them.

One so often hears about the Israeli occupation of Gaza, especially on college campuses and in newsrooms, but does anyone really believe that if such an occupation actually existed, the Palestinians could continue to fire all those rockets and dig all those damn tunnels with such impunity?

A friend of mine wrote to say he couldn’t figure out why Jewish supporters of Israel such as Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz and Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks, continue to support the current administration. After all, on their best days, Obama and John Kerry claim to see a moral equivalence between Israel and its Arab and Muslim enemies, and, on their more candid days, clearly side with the riffraff who continue referring to America as the Big Satan.

The fact remains that so far as most Jewish liberals are concerned, the continued existence of Israel has a lower priority than same-sex marriages, open borders, abortions on demand, legalized drugs, gun control, unions, climate change and an ever-expanding federal government.

Another area where this administration is clearly out of sync with the majority of Americans is illegal immigration. Obama constantly refers to something called “comprehensive immigration reform.” But inasmuch as neither he nor congressional Democrats ever propose legislation that calls for an extension of the wall, along with armed border agents patrolling the Rio Grande, it makes about as much sense as trying to contain water in a sieve. It’s reminiscent of the days when Obama used to describe his energy policy as “all of the above,” while excluding oil, coal and nuclear power, from the list.

When it comes to promoting what amounts to open borders, the liberals are constantly telling us that we need all those unskilled, illiterate, Hispanics to do the work Americans won’t do. It’s as if they’re pretending that every American is carting around a Ph.D in advanced calculus and can’t possibly be expected to do manual labor. I contend that this country is rife with unskilled native-born illiterates who just happen to prefer collecting welfare to working.

I’m willing to predict that if you boot all those able-bodied loafers off the dole, they will suddenly discover that they’re only too happy to bus tables, flip burgers and put up drywall.

With the November elections less than 90 days away, it’s not too soon to remind people that whether you favor the Tea Party, the GOP establishment or the Libertarian wing of the party, you have a lot more in common with each other than you have with Obama, Reid, Pelosi and their congressional enablers. If you don’t get out and vote for whichever candidates have an R after their name, I say you forfeit your right to gripe about the awful direction in which America is headed.

I'm From The Government..."

Ronald Reagan once observed that “I’m from the government and I’m here to help” were the nine scariest words an American could hear. But he said that about 30 years ago. With all that has transpired since then, particularly over the past six years, what an American hears when confronted by a federal bureaucrat, whether representing the IRS, the EPA, the NSA or the FBI is “I’m from the government and I’m here to (snoop), (take your money), (take your land), (take your cattle), (take your liberty), (take your religion) and/or (take your birthright).”

Speaking of the IRS, the Heritage Foundation recently came up with a graph proving that along with all their other lies, one of the biggest concocted by the Democrats is the one about the rich not paying their fair share when it comes to income taxes. It seems that the top one percent of income earners suck up 17% of the money, but pay a whopping 37% of the taxes!

The top 2-5% rake in 15% of the dough, but pay 22% of the total taxes. It’s only when you get to the top 5-10% that things begin to even out; those folks take in 11% and pay out 12%. The top 10-25% earn 23% and pay out 17%. Those who fall into the top 25-50% earn 21%, but pay only 10% of the tax. Finally, the bottom 50% earn 12%, but kick in a measly two percent. These numbers must be a real eye-opener to those naïve souls who don’t believe that socialism is alive and well in America.

Democratic politicians don’t have a monopoly when it comes to hypocrisy, but sometimes it sure seems that way. For instance the governor of Maryland, Democrat Martin O’Malley, has been one of the loudest voices in the left-wing chorus calling for the U.S. to provide a home to the thousands of Central American youngsters flooding across our border. A show of hands, please -- is anyone really surprised that when O’Malley pleads for America to roll out the welcome mat, it turns out he means anywhere but Maryland?

Thanks to Obama’s dithering over Iran, Syria, Gaza, Iraq and Ukraine, the world has rarely been such a dangerous place. And yet he claims it is as tranquil as the Garden of Eden. On the home front, he and his criminal cohort, Eric Holder, continue to ignore scandals involving the IRS, the VA, the EPA and Benghazi, all the while trying to fend off those seeking answers and looking to punish the guilty, by referring to ongoing investigations. Apparently, when these two schmucks refer to “ongoing,” they really mean “endless” and “phony.”

Another popular lie that’s been circulating ever since a bi-sexual freak named Alfred Kinsey, who conducted the most unscientific survey since Margaret Mead bid adieu to Samoa, insisted that about 10% of Americans were homosexual.

Recently, a government survey that, unlike Kinsey, did not overly rely on responses from prostitutes, prisoners and pedophiles, found that 96.6% of Americans are straight, 1.6% are gay or lesbian and 0.7% are bisexual. Apparently 1.1% decided it was nobody’s damn business.

Predictably, a spokesperson for the Lesbian Gay Bi and Transgender group (LGBT) cried foul! He, she or it, insisted that the numbers were much higher, but that lots of people simply refuse to be honest. Oh, really? When every movie, TV show and magazine, conveys the message that being lesbian, gay, bi, a tranny or having sexual relations with farm animals is cool, I suspect that some of the straight respondents – especially those in Hollywood and the media – lied in order to further their careers.

Some years ago, conservatives were being called the Silent Majority. These days, I think those whose sexual practices so titillated Dr. Kinsey should be referred to as the Noisy Minority.

Finally, during his last State of the Union address, Barack Obama said he would legislate with his pen and his phone. Led by Nancy Pelosi, House Democrats immediately rose to give Obama, the man who had just vowed to castrate Congress, a rousing ovation. That having been the case, how dare any House Democrat run for re-election? Why should anyone go to the bother of voting for them? Why should anyone pay them a salary or a pension? For that matter, why should anyone pay good money to provide them with office space and a staff?

After all, a rubberstamp only costs a couple of bucks, it doesn’t require a staff and it fits very comfortably into one of Obama’s desk drawers.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, July 25, 2014

Drug Cartels & Left-Wing Cults

We are told that the thousands of Central American kids streaming into America aren’t really illegal aliens, that, instead, they’re refugees from those Central American countries where the drug cartels rule. My brainstorm is that we stop worrying about Muslims killing Muslims in the Middle East and, instead, send our military to Honduras, Salvador and Guatemala, to wipe out their gangsters. Then the kids could safely return to where they came from.

Simultaneously, we could send the National Guard into Chicago, Detroit, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Newark and Washington, D.C., to clean out our own gangs. Even Rand Paul couldn’t object to employing the military to defeat our native-born enemies, and make inner-city neighborhoods safe for law-abiding citizens.

Secretary of State John (“Mr. Ed”) Kerry and his European cohorts like to pretend that they are making progress with Iran because that is what negotiators, otherwise known as eunuchs with diplomatic immunity, do. I mean, everyone knows that you don’t need plutonium for any benign use of nuclear energy. But these lunkheads are so desperate to make it appear they’re earning their salaries and all those fancy meals at five star restaurants, that they’ve mastered the art of turning a blind eye to the 800-pound Islamic gorilla defecating in the middle of the room.

In the meantime, Barack Obama announces that we live in a world that has rarely been so tranquil. But, to be fair, that is probably how it appears to someone who spends his life on uncrowded golf courses or being surrounded by adoring acolytes at $30,000-a-plate fund-raisers.

It continues to astonish me how little coverage the media expends when the Palestinians fire rockets into Israel and how much moral outrage they muster when Israel, inevitably portrayed as the aggressor in the world press, eventually strikes back.

Inasmuch as warning civilians to evacuate buildings before a bombing also serves to alert the terrorists, these pathetic attempts by Israel to generate sympathy for their cause strike me as the height of foolishness. For one thing, the anti-Semitic American and European media will never be won over. For another, the terrorists in Gaza and the West Bank don’t wear uniforms, so, in a sense, the Palestinians are always able to maintain that even those firing missiles into Israel are civilians.
For the life of me, I have never understood why for the longest time, both Israel and the United States have refused to go into battle with the idea of winning a war and, instead, are only too happy to play for a tie.

At least Israel has never lacked for politicians who have had the ability to succinctly voice the differences between themselves and their enemies, and who also happen to speak English better than our own. It was Prime Minister Golda Meir who said that she hoped that one day “the Arabs would love their children more than they hate ours.” It was Israel’s ambassador to the U.N., Abba Eban, who, in reference to peace negotiations between the two people, pointed out that “the Palestinians never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.” And it is the current prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, who recently noted that “We’re using missile defenses to protect our citizens and they’re using their citizens to protect their missiles.”

The Democrats always respond to any mention of Obama’s plummeting approval numbers by pointing out that the numbers for Congress are even worse. That’s even sillier than comparing apples to oranges, which at least are both fruits. While it’s true that most people hold Congress in contempt, they tend to like their own representative. That’s why incumbents usually win re-election. The exception to that rule is when the people feel the president is doing a particularly lousy job, which explains why the Democrats not only lost control of the House and five seats in the Senate over the past four years, but why Obama is the only two term president in American history to garner fewer votes in his second election.

At this point, Obama is so toxic that the only way the Democrats have a chance of hanging on to the Senate is to cheat this November. They always cheat, but they will be more desperate than usual to keep Harry Reid in the driver’s seat. Therefore, they will not only cheat when counting the ballots, but will also use the more sophisticated approach of running one of their own in the general elections, a fraud who will self-identify as a Tea Party favorite, hoping to fool low information Republicans into splitting their votes. So if you happen to be one of those people who don’t follow politics religiously, do us all a big favor and stay home on Election Day.

The Senate Banking Committee is actually proposing legislation to secure home loans for the high risk (read: minority) community. This was the same sort of pandering that brought on the real estate bubble and the financial collapse of 2008. But, heck, that was all of six years ago, constituting ancient history so far as Harry Reid and the minority vote-trolling Democrats are concerned.

The other day I received a joke email that stated that Chicago is famous for three things: Pizza, Gangsters and Corrupt politicians. It concluded: One thing that can be said with certainly is that Obama is definitely not a pizza.

For my part, it occurred to me that Dinesh D’Souza titled his book and movie: “America: Where Would the World Be without Her?” and that a similar book could be titled “Barack Obama: Where Would the World Be without Him?” It would be a very short book, as the obvious answer is: a whole lot better off.

Finally, you may have heard that the Selective Services System mailed out 14,000 notices to Pennsylvania men born between 1893 and 1897. When I heard about it, I naturally assumed they were being notified that their appointments at the VA were finally being scheduled. It turned out they were being ordered to register for the draft.

A while back, TV recruiting commercials were telling us that the modern Army isn’t your father’s Army. No, I guess not. Apparently it’s your great-great-grandfather’s Army!

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

"Illegal Aliens Are What They Are" and "Moral Equivalency & Other Fantasies"

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans when it comes to illegal immigration is that the Democrats stand to benefit from increasing the Hispanic vote. But both are equally guilty when it comes to not stemming the invasion. Otherwise, we would hear the Republican politicians demanding that a huge wall be erected along our southern border, instead of parroting Obama’s call for comprehensive immigration reform (aka amnesty).

The problem is that folks on both sides of the aisle want to privatize the profits to be accrued from cheap labor while socializing the costs. If we were serious about solving the problem, we would, one, stop subsidizing illegals with free health care, free education and free food; and, two, we would fine and jail anyone responsible for hiring them. And I’m not just referring to smalltime outfits that hire a few guys to help out on construction jobs, but the folks who own the hotels and restaurants where these people are making beds and busing tables.

Obama wants Congress to help him bring what he refers to as “the best and the brightest” to the United States. If he’s referring to those illiterates sneaking across the border, perhaps he’s auditioning for a career as a stand-up comedian. Until now, I had assumed he kept his sense of humor concealed in the same vault where he’s concealed his birth certificate, his early travel visa and his college application.

The EEOC, like every other federal bureaucracy under Obama, has over-stepped its authority by constantly filing lawsuits against companies that insist their employees speak English.

But, then, there is no government agency that I wouldn’t like to see either diminished or eliminated altogether. What’s more, I would see to it that no government bureaucrat, be it at the city, state or federal level, ever received another bonus. What do they ever do that deserves one? It certainly can’t be for working overtime. As we all know, anytime you show up at one of those offices after closing time, whether it’s at 4:01, 4:31 or 5:01, you’ve found the doors locked and the lights off.

Speaking of federal agencies, I bet no conservative in America was surprised to hear that our State Department was far more incensed over the killing of one Arab youngster than it was by the killing of three Jewish teenagers in Israel. What’s more, Israel arrested six suspects in the murder of Abu Khdeir after a couple of days, whereas the Palestinians not only haven’t made any arrests in the murders of Eyal Yifrah, Gilad Shaar and Naftali Fraenkel, after a few weeks, but aren’t likely to in the next fifty years. But it’s only Israel that is ever condemned by the weasels at the U.N. and the anti-Semites who infest academia and the media.

It seems that Hillary Clinton, who is pinning most of her political hopes on carrying a large majority of the single woman vote, once, as a 27-year-old lawyer, defended a creep who beat and raped a 12-year-old girl. Recently, a four decades-old tape popped up on which she is heard laughing while saying that she had lost all faith in polygraph tests because her client had fooled the machine. She then went on to brag that she got him off with a 10-month sentence on a minor charge. And this is a person who insists it’s Republicans who are waging war on women.

While on the topic of double standards, it’s worth noting that Obama wants same-sex married couples to be granted sick leave to care for an ailing “spouse” even in states that don’t recognize such marriages. However, people who have the legal right to carry a concealed weapon in one state will be arrested if discovered to be packing heat in another state, although the Second Amendment guarantees the right to bear arms, while the Constitution says nothing about two guys exchanging wedding vows. And the reason for that is because, quite frankly, such a preposterous notion would never have occurred to Adams, Jefferson or Madison.

Finally, I’m no scientist, but is it just possible that trailer homes work like magnets where storms are concerned? I’m just wondering because every time I see the aftermath of a hurricane, I see dozens of them lying around the landscape looking like a child’s abandoned toys. Seems to me that by this time you don’t have to be particularly religious to suspect God is trying to send us a clear message, encouraging us in no uncertain terms to next time get a house with a damn foundation.


Liberals are so stupid they actually believe that when they claim to see a moral equivalence between Israel and the Palestinians or between a murderer and the state that executes him for his crime, they are being sophisticated because, unlike lesser beings, they don’t view the world in black and white, but in nuanced shades of gray. All they really prove, of course, is that they lack a moral compass.

I first became aware of this spiritual blindness when Hollywood pinhead Steven Spielberg made a dud of a movie called “Munich.” Apparently Spielberg assumed, being Jewish and the self-proclaimed conscience of Hollywood, that he was entitled to decide there was no difference between the barbarians who massacred Israel’s athletes at the 1972 Olympics and the members of Mossad who tracked down the killers and dispensed justice.

What’s more, the Israeli agents used guns. That, alone, would be more than enough to prove that they were no better than the killers they pursued. So far as Hollywood big wigs are concerned, the only people who are entitled to bear arms are members of the Beverly Hills Police Department, their own personal bodyguards and of course the actors in their blood-drenched action movies.

There are times when I question whether liberals are people at all or are merely a weird breed of parrot. I mean, by this time, surely even Dianne Feinstein must have noticed that virtually every gun-related massacre, including Columbine, Fort Hood, Aurora and Newtown, has taken place in a school, a movie theater or a military base, and that the one thing they had in common were that they were all gun-free zones. What’s more, the cities with the highest murder rates in America, namely Chicago and Washington, D.C., have the strictest gun control laws on the books. But those facts never dissuade liberals from campaigning for more gun-free zones and gun control legislation.

Speaking of gun violence, recently, Ronald Lee Haskell went hunting for his ex-wife. When her sister, Katie, and Katie’s husband, Stephen, refused to divulge her whereabouts, Haskell murdered them and four of their five children, ranging in age from four to 14. The lone survivor, a 15-year-old daughter, suffered a fractured skull when the bullet merely grazed her head.

The court will now determine Haskell’s mental condition and decide if he is legally responsible for his actions. And I’d like to know why that’s necessary. There’s no question of his guilt, so why does it matter if a psychiatrist decides he didn’t know that he was doing something wrong when he pulled the trigger seven times in that Houston home? If he didn’t understand that what he did was evil, he’s no less a monster, simply one lacking a brain as well as a soul. In either case, he has the blood of six innocent victims on his hands and has left a teenage girl, who had two parents and four siblings just a short while ago, with no family at all.

Liberals have a difficult time maintaining a consistent point of view when it comes to the Supreme Court. For instance, Obama held it in high regard when, against all logic, it ruled that the Affordable Care Act was constitutional because it was a tax, in spite of the fact that in its argument to the Court, the administration insisted it wasn’t any such thing. But two short years later, when the Court decided to get serious and began chiding Obama over his blatant disregard of the Constitution’s separation of powers, he’s decided they’re nothing more than a collection of drunks and reprobates.

Nancy Pelosi has been even harsher in her condemnation of the male justices who ruled in favor of Hobby Lobby. In fact, she condemned them solely on the basis of their gender, declaring that men had no business voicing an opinion when it came to contraception. She didn’t even bother excluding Justice Stephen Breyer, who sided with Kagan, Ginsburg and Sotomayor. Something else Pelosi neglected to consider while venting her misandry was the fact that in 1973, when the Supreme Court legalized abortion in America, all nine justices were male, and only two of them, Rehnquist and White, dissented from the misguided majority.

There are a great many people who believe or at least strongly suspect that Barack Obama, who spent his impressionable early years in Islamic Indonesia and proclaimed the Arab call to prayer (the muzzein) “one of the prettiest sounds on earth,” is a Muslim. Maybe yes, maybe no, but it would certainly help explain why a recent Gallup Poll showed that, whereas Obama’s approval numbers among the rest of us hovers around 40%, a staggering 72% of American Muslims think he’s doing a bang-up job.

Another group that would no doubt write him a letter of recommendation are illegal aliens. After all, he has rolled out the red, white and blue carpet for thousands of Central Americans, who are bringing few marketable skills with them, but any number of communicable diseases, including tuberculosis. And if that’s not bad enough, according to the National Border Control Council, Obama is allowing them to fly on commercial airliners without valid identification.

I bet the next time you’re standing in an endless serpentine line at an airport, and removing your shoes, belt and prosthetic devices, you’ll wish you, too, had had the foresight to sneak into the United States.

Finally, why do people keep referring to the caliphate being established in Iraq and Syria as the first terrorist state in the world? What about Iran? Surely you haven’t forgotten good old Iran -- the pigsty that’s developing a nuclear bomb, has sworn to wipe Israel off the face of the earth, and has kept busy recruiting suicide-bombers and exporting Islamic terrorism ever since the late 70s!

Is it any wonder that Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, recently displayed his justifiable petulance when he was heard to whine: “What are we, chopped liver?”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 21, 2014

The World Cup Runneth Over

I have no interest in soccer. Just as I have no interest in most events staged during the Olympics. And, frankly, I don’t get why any American feels the need to tune in every four years to watch the World Cup or synchronized swimming.

I just find it profoundly stupid to sit and watch a game played with a ball in which you can’t use your hands. I’m not suggesting it isn’t a display of great stamina, but so is the marathon. What’s more, as with soccer, marathon-running is a sport in which scoring is apparently frowned upon. But I don’t hear about a lot of people spending hours on end watching other people run 26 miles for no particular reason.

Still, when a car passed me here in L.A., at a time when both Mexico and the U.S. were still in competition, and the driver had two Mexican flags waving from his back window, I was infuriated. I had no way of knowing if the schmuck had snuck across the border or if his family had been in L.A. for a hundred years.

What I do know is that if you live here and get to take advantage of all this wonderful nation has to offer -- even with Obama in the White House and Harry Reid running the Senate as his own personal fiefdom -- you don’t root for the other guys. It’s just a matter of good manners, no matter who the other guys happen to be. And that’s the case even if the competition involves something as pointless –- both literally and figuratively -- as soccer.

Speaking of things that annoy the heck out of me, I have never been able to figure out why people such as Cassius Clay, Lew Alcindor and Stokely Carmichael, decided that the best way to express their dislike of America was to change their names to Muhammad Ali, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Kwame Ture. Anti-American bigotry is bad enough, but when you combine it with historical ignorance, you’re really establishing your credentials as a bottom-feeder. Is it possible that these three lunkheads were unaware of just who it was that was rounding up and placing the shackles on their ancestors in Africa? Could it be they simply didn’t recognize that their name-change was the equivalent of a Jew’s deciding to call himself Goering, Eichmann or Hitler?

On the other hand, when you think of the advantages they had by being born in the U.S., perhaps it was their way of expressing their appreciation to the Muslims and Arabs who even today are widely involved in the slave trade. Nah, I don’t think so, either.

I know that liberals take pride in being regarded as pacifists. But it’s worth noting that it was warfare that brought about our freeing ourselves from English rule; that it was warfare that freed the slaves in the South; and it was warfare that stopped Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan in their bloody tracks. On the other hand, it’s war-fear that allowed the Soviet Union to gobble up and cannibalize Eastern Europe for half a century and is today allowing Islamic barbarianism to expand its disgusting domain.
Speaking of Muslims, it recently occurred to me that the followers of Muhammad are a lot like the typical American teenager. They’re full of false pride, otherwise known as self-esteem, although they have accomplished nothing, invented nothing and created nothing. And if it weren’t for what others have produced, Muslims wouldn’t even be able to blow up themselves and their innocent victims with those bombs to which they’ve become so addicted.

In the meantime, we have the president and his would-be successor continuing to make public spectacles of themselves. Barack Obama actually had the gall to announce: “By every economic measure, we are better off now than we were when I took office. You wouldn’t know it, but we are.” Now if he were speaking to Michelle, I might buy it, but apparently he was actually addressing the American people. Or “the folks,” as he likes to call us when what he really means is “you boneheaded suckers.”

Recently, I had call to send my friend Michael Medved an email, suggesting he stop telling his radio audience that Hillary Clinton is a nice person simply because he liked her when they were both at Yale. As I pointed out, that was four decades ago. She has since married Bill, been the First Lady of both Arkansas and the United States, been a senator, a secretary of state and become a multimillionaire.

It seemed to me that Medved was either being hopelessly naïve or going out of his way to let us all know that he had once been on a first-name basis with Mrs. Clinton, not that I would think that was something a conservative talk show host should ever brag about. As I reminded him, back in those days, he and I had both been registered Democrats. So why on earth would he imagine that she hadn’t changed even more dramatically than we had since those long ago school days?

This afternoon, when I tuned in to his show, I heard him proclaiming Hillary brilliant because she had been a successful lawyer. Well, for one thing, a person can be both a success in his or her chosen profession and an ignoramus. For another, calling her a successful lawyer is a lot like calling Barack Obama a constitutional scholar simply because that’s what he calls himself, or his wife a successful hospital administrator. Michelle was pulling down $350,000 at a Chicago hospital because her husband was an up-and-coming politician in the Illinois legislature.

As for Hillary, she married Bill when she was 27 years old. When she was 28, her husband became the governor of Arkansas. Does anyone, including Michael Medved, think you have to be Antonin Scalia to be a successful lawyer when your hubby is running the state?

Speaking of Mrs. Clinton, she keeps insisting that she and Bill accrued $150 million by “dint of hard work.” When you realize that these Herculean labors consisted of putting their names on books written by lesser mortals and delivering $250,000 speeches written by hacks to the various wolves of Wall Street they pretend to revile, you begin to wonder if Hillary has already gone into her folksy campaign mode and is pronouncing “didn’t” as “dint.” The fact is she hasn’t done a lick of actual work since completing her college thesis, a devotional dedicated to Chicago’s thuggish community organizer, Saul Alinsky.

Speaking of Alinsky, I got to see “America,” Dinesh D’Souza’s tribute to this nation, the other night. It is quite different from his earlier “2016: Obama’s America,” in which he exposed Obama as the anti-American creep he is. This time around, like the appreciative immigrant he happens to be, D’Souza both defends and lauds his adopted land in a way that most native-born Americans never would, lest they be regarded as cornball and labeled xenophobic.

D’Souza not only proves that America is not the oppressive, imperialistic, cesspool constantly condemned by the contemptible likes of Noam Chomsky, Ward Churchill, Michael Moore, Jeremiah Wright, Mr. Alinsky and, unfortunately, Barack Hussein Obama, but that it remains, in spite of the traitors and haters among us, the shining city on the hill Ronald Reagan claimed it to be.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, July 18, 2014

A Few Sad Truths

Only a liberal dunce could seriously contend that the exclusion of four of 20 contraceptive options constitutes a war on women. And yet in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling in the Hobby Lobby case, that is exactly what people like Hillary Clinton, Sandra Fluke and the three politically partisan harpies on the Court, Kagan, Ginsburg and Sotomayor, would have you believe.

As I see it, the fact that young women actually expect that people with whom they’re not having sex should provide them with free birth control pills is clear evidence that the real war is the one being waged on the American taxpayer and commonsense.

I realize that Sen. Thad Cochran’s primary victory in Mississippi is being appealed by his challenger, Tea Party favorite Chris McDaniel. If I lived in that state, I very likely would have voted for the challenger. But the real mystery is why on earth registered Democrats are allowed to cross over and vote in a Republican primary. I’m not asking as a conservative. After all, I assume Republicans are also allowed to vote in Democratic primaries. But how dumb is that!

It’s bad enough when the Democrats financially support the Republican candidate in a primary because they assume he or she will be the easiest to defeat in the general election or when they run a fake Republican in the general election, hoping to fool a sufficient number of dummies into splitting the vote with the actual nominee. But a state really has to be addicted to stupid pills to have open primaries, which negates the whole purpose of having primaries in the first place. What’s next, declaring the winner of a Mississippi election to be the candidate who receives the fewest number of votes?

Recently, after encountering “ISIS” in one of my articles, a reader wrote, asking what I was referencing. I explained that the scumbags currently overrunning the cesspool known as Iraq started out calling themselves the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria before, like certain show biz celebrities, shortening their name to the Islamic State. But my first reaction to being asked to define ISIS was to channel my inner Bill Clinton. I then immediately took a shower.

Speaking of congenital liars, it occurred to me the other day that the only time Barack Obama can be trusted to tell the truth is when he’s telling his fellow jihadists the date upon which the U.S. will be withdrawing its troops from a war zone.

I wasn’t a great fan of either George H.W. Bush or his son, but even compared to them, Obama is the ultimate bush leaguer. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why his approval ratings remain in double figures or how it is that any Democrat in the House or Senate can refrain from calling him out over Benghazi, the VA, the IRS or his constant trashing of the Constitution. Is it conceivable that Satan has worked out the traditional swap of eternal damnation for successful careers with each and every one of them?

Somewhere in this formerly great nation not only is there a young slacker who looks at Obama and says to himself, “If he can be elected president, so can I,” but somewhere else there is a young ne’er-do-well who is perfecting his or her lying skills so that one day he or she might be Hillary Clinton’s press secretary.

If you dare point out that black politicians are the dumbest and most corrupt in Washington or that most of the problems plaguing black Americans are self-inflicted, you will be labeled a racist. That’s the case even if you happen to be a black American. That is one of the reasons that I so admire Jason Riley, a black man who is an editorial writer for the Wall Street Journal and an occasional panelist on Bret Baier’s “Special Report.” In his recent book, “Please Stop Helping Us,” a scathing indictment of white liberals, Mr. Riley makes a strong and logical case against both affirmative action and the minimum wage.

In one of the book’s more memorable lines, Riley writes that “having a black man in the Oval Office is less important than having one in the home,” summing up in 17 words the reason that blacks, by and large, only seem to overachieve when it comes to dropping out of high school, siring illegitimate babies and engaging in criminal activity.

Finally, my recent poll was such a rousing success that I have decided to conduct my own version of a recent national poll. People were asked to name the worst of the 12 presidents since the end of WWII. I, on the other hand, will ask that you rate the three worst in order, with the worst being #1. Your choices are Harry Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama.

You are also invited to vote for the Best of the dozen.

The voting deadline will be 48 hours after the posting of this article. Send your votes to me at

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

"Lincoln Was Mistaken" and "Red Coats, Blue Coats & Turncoats"

When Lincoln was delivering the Gettysburg Address, after referring to the blood of the fallen soldiers having consecrated the ground of that Pennsylvania pasture, he concluded his brief remarks by saying that because of their ultimate sacrifice, “This nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that the government of the people, by the people and for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

What Lincoln could not foresee was that a century and a half later, we the people would elect and then re-elect a despot who would usurp the role of Congress simply because it refused to do his bidding and would make a practice of ignoring all the constitutional limits on the executive branch with such regularity that even those who voted for him less than two years ago have begun to experience buyer’s remorse. A recent poll has disclosed that if they could do it all over again, a sizable number of those who gave him another four years in 2012 now wish they had voted for Mitt Romney.

I happen to be one of those people who voted for Romney. I still believe he would have been a great president, but he wasn’t a great candidate. But it wasn’t entirely his fault. For one thing, the Democrats knew that he would eventually beat out Santorum and Gingrich for the nomination, and therefore spent months attacking him and his connection to Bain Capital while he was kept busy beating out Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum.

Once he was a candidate, he was stuck debating Obama in what was never a fair fight because the referee – a liberal moderator named Candy Crowley -- kept working Romney over with a blackjack.

He also suffered from either not possessing or not having the opportunity to display a sense of humor. His writers didn’t help. Even after running for the nomination in 2008 and running for president in 2012, the only two things anyone ever remembers his saying was that illegal aliens should self-deport and that 47% of the people would never vote for him. Compare that to the number of lines we continue attributing to Ronald Reagan.

Speaking of humor, a reader sent me the following definition: A Hillionaire is a woman who is worth millions of dollars, but claims to be dead broke.

I would like to know who it is that hires those who speak for the State Department. You only have to look and listen to Jan Psaki and Marie Harf, two supercilious young women who come off like a pair of teenage brats, address the press corps to suspect it was Barack Obama himself who signed them up. He has, after all, made a practice of surrounding himself with such obnoxious louts as Eric Holder, Kathleen Sebelius, Lois Lerner, Jay Carney, Valerie Jarrett, Van Jones and John Koskinen. I swear, if you could convert arrogance into electricity, you could wire up those weasels and make America energy-independent for the next century.

Because I believe that a progressive income tax is socialistic and therefore unfair, I would like to see it replaced. Some favor a Flat Tax, some a Fair Tax. I am open to persuasion, but what I do know is that the current system is far too cumbersome and is at its core un-American.

Liberals are always calling for the rich to pay their fair share. But what’s fair about their having to pay at a higher rate than other people? If a person makes a million dollars a year and pays, say, 10%, he will pay the taxman $100,000. Someone earning $50,000 will have to cough up $5,000, and someone making $20,000 will owe $2,000. But why should the rich guy have to pay at, say, a 20% rate? What’s fair about that? Besides, he’s already paying much more in sales taxes because he buys more expensive stuff than the rest of us.

I don’t often quote members of the entertainment industry because they are generally pinheads and never say anything bright or amusing unless someone else is writing their dialogue. But the star of my favorite TV series, “Doc Martin,” a rather odd-looking Englishman named Martin Clunes, had the wit and candor to describe himself thus: “Jug ears and child-bearing lips.”

Finally, I would like to speak up on behalf of those people among us who are generally described as mentally-challenged. I used to live next door to a home that housed half-a-dozen young men whose collective IQ probably didn’t top 450, but they were unfailingly polite, kind and, to the extent of their ability, helpful neighbors.

Where I now live, I often see vans conveying similarly disabled young men and women to and fro between their homes and their jobs. They often wave when they see me walking my dog Angel and seem delighted when I wave back.

What got me to thinking about them was seeing a segment on TV about the government finally deciding to only buy American flags made in America, and not in China or Indonesia. One of the American workers they showed was just such a woman. But when she was asked how she felt about sewing the flags, she smiled proudly and said, “It makes me feel just like Betsy Ross.”

I can’t help wondering how many college students, who are drowning in debt so that left-wing professors can live high off the hog, have ever even heard of Betsy Ross.

Red Coats, Blue Coats & Turncoats

When Barack Obama swapped five Taliban commanders for one U.S. Army deserter, he said with his customary arrogance, “This is what happens at the end of wars. That was true for George Washington, that was true for Abraham Lincoln, that was true for FDR. That’s been true of every combat situation, that at some point you make sure that you try to get your folks back. And that’s the right thing to do.”

At the time, I merely pointed out that, one, the war is not over in Afghanistan, and, two, Bowe Bergdahl is not the sort of guy anyone has in mind when we talk about leaving no soldier behind. Especially at that price.

But, thanks to a reader, George Alexander, I now realize that Obama was once again talking through his hat. To begin with, the Revolutionary War ended in 1783 and Washington didn’t become president until 1789.

Lincoln was assassinated on April 15, 1865, and although General Lee surrendered six days earlier, the Civil War continued until May 9th. As for FDR, he died of a stroke four months before the end of World War II.

I suppose Obama’s defenders would point out that his specialty was the Constitution, not American History. I suppose that would also explain his contention that the nation is comprised of 57 states.

It’s not often that we get to hear a story with a happy ending these days. But it recently came to light that a six-month old baby who was promoted by Nazi propaganda chief Joseph Goebbels as the ideal little Aryan in 1934 was, fortunately unbeknownst to Goebbels, the child of classical musicians Jacob and Pauline Levinson, who were Latvian Jews living in Germany.

Today, Hessy Taft (nee Levinson) is an 80-year-old chemistry professor living in New York. Had the Nazis realized that the baby whose photo they put on magazine covers and postcards was Jewish, they would have killed her, just as the latter-day Nazis whose god is not Hitler but Allah would do today.

Speaking of children, Americans are at a loss over what to do with the tens of thousands of Central American kids piling up at our southern border. With Obama’s policies acting as a magnet, thousands more will soon be arriving. But it’s not entirely his fault. While it is true that Reagan signed the amnesty bill nearly 30 years ago, absolving three million illegal aliens of their crime, he only did so because the Democrats in Congress promised to build a wall. Naturally, once they got their way, they broke their promise.

The Democrats had pulled the same trick on Nixon, who removed our troops from Vietnam because the Democrats swore they would supply arms to the South Vietnamese. As usual, the liberals had their fingers crossed, leaving our erstwhile allies to be slaughtered by Jane Fonda’s nearest and dearest.

But to be fair, the two Bushes spent 12 years in the White House and they also neglected to do anything about securing the border. At least when schmucks like Clinton and Obama promote illegal immigration, they do so in the full knowledge that most of those people will eventually end up voting for Democrats. With the Bushes, it was either pure sloth or sheer stupidity.

I realize it’s become a tradition that whenever a professional sports team wins a championship, the mayor of the city feels called upon to celebrate the event as if the entire town had accomplished some great feat, when in fact it’s 10 or 20 mercenaries who probably don’t even live within the city limits who won the game or the series. Here in L.A., Mayor Gil Garcetti, grabbing for a beer and a photo op, announced that the L.A. Kings winning the Stanley Cup was “a big f-----g deal.” Only, unlike Joe Biden’s celebrating the passage of the Affordable Care Act by whispering those words into Obama’s ear, Garcetti shouted the words to a crowd that included women and children. Predictably, he received a rousing ovation.

I can only imagine that Garcetti felt he needed to show the yokels that he could be as uncivilized as those who spray paint our walls, flip us the bird as they cut us off on the freeway and neglect to clean up after their dogs. Or perhaps he simply noted what a folk hero Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has become ever since he began exposing his inner boor.

For the VA, things only keep getting worse. Even when they’re trying to share good news, as they thought they were doing recently when they sent a letter to a veteran letting him know his appointment had finally been scheduled, it wound up biting the agency in the butt. But, really, how could they possibly be expected to know that while waiting for the big day to arrive, he had died? Two years ago.

While watching Bill Ayers being interviewed by Fox’s Megyn Kelly, it occurred to me that back in the 1940s, it was countries like Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Paraguay and Uruguay, that rolled out the red carpet for Nazis trying to escape their just deserts, while here in the U.S., 30 or 40 years later, it was our universities that provided sanctuary and tenure for native-born terrorists like Professor Ayers, his wife Bernadine Dohrn, Kathy Boudin and Angela Davis. Keep in mind these are the very same places where it’s unwelcome mats that greet the likes of Clarence Thomas, Condoleezza Rice, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Mitt Romney, John Roberts, Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney and Ben Carson.

Frankly, I used to take it personally that I was never invited to be a commencement speaker. But now that the barbarians have taken over our college campuses, it’s become a badge of honor.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 14, 2014


I don't think it's coincidental that the Palestinians and Obama both use children as props. Because they both know that most normal human beings have a soft spot for kids, they don’t hesitate to use them as propaganda tools. In the case of Arabs and Muslims, they place them in harm’s way so that they can then carry their mangled little bodies through the streets in a perverted attempt to make their side appear to command the moral high ground.

Because Israelis know that the world’s left-wing, anti-Semitic, press opposes their nation’s very existence, they try to avoid collateral damage when striking back at those who are constantly firing missiles at them. They even call ahead to warn civilians to avoid certain places being targeted. It is at that point, that, more often than not, the Palestinians round up children and place them on those rooftops. I suppose that’s why it finally dawned on me why Islamics don’t eat pork: professional courtesy.

As usual, Obama, Biden and their trained monkeys in the Senate, called for restraint on the part of Israel, something they never request of Israel’s enemies in the Middle East. Frankly, inasmuch as Israel has a nuclear arsenal, I would say that every day that passes without their nuking Gaza is an example of unparalleled restraint.

Recently, we have seen how Obama has gone about using Central American children as a way to coerce the passage of legislation that he hasn’t been able to create with his pen and his phone. He entices thousands of children to come north, and when they arrive Obama labels it a humanitarian crisis and insists that Congress fork over four billion dollars to deal with the self-inflicted problem.

But it’s not for our government to roll out the red carpet for everyone who thinks they’d like to live here. On the other hand, Malia and Sasha are getting to be big girls, and we all know how parents sometimes suffer from the empty nest syndrome. So if Barack and Michelle decide they’d like to adopt 65,000 kids, it’s fine with me. But I don’t think those kids have any more right to show up, expecting to be clothed, fed and sheltered, than I would have the right to, say, sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom if I dropped by the White House uninvited.

Something that bugs me no end about the pro-illegal alien side of the debate is that they choose to ignore the fact that nobody else in America is entitled to benefit from the commission of a crime. So how is it that if the parents snuck into the country and therefore are not really “subject to the jurisdiction thereof,” their offspring are magically bestowed with the benefits of citizenship? Just because the kids didn’t personally sneak in doesn’t change a darn thing. After all, if the parents had knocked over a bank, their kids wouldn’t somehow be entitled to the loot.

Speaking of invasions, twice in the distant past, Europe has had to fight off Muslim armies. It happened in 732, at the Battle of Tours, and again in 1683, at the Battle of Vienna. Clearly, in the intervening 431 years, the followers of Islam have wised up, which is why just about every nation on the continent is infested with millions of them, with not a shot having been fired. God knows that Islam hasn’t changed for the better over the centuries. It’s Europe that’s changed for the worse.

But, for that matter, so have we. Walter Williams quoted James Madison in a recent piece, reminding us that the father of the Constitution once pointed out that “Charity is no part of the legislative duty of the government.” And that holds true whether the charity we’re referring to is welfare for the individual or group, farm subsidies, corporate bailouts or foreign aid. And anyone who tells you anything different is simultaneously trying to pick your pocket and trash the Constitution.

If I didn’t hate him so much, I might even feel sorry for Obama. Imagine being the president during an election year, and not one of your party’s candidates wants to be seen sharing a hamburger, let alone a stage, with you. Even the nuclear fallout at Chernobyl in 1997 wasn’t as toxic as this guy. But, then, when you think about all the rats running around in this administration, the big surprise is that Washington, D.C., hasn’t yet experienced an outbreak of bubonic plague.

I know that Costco had a change of heart about pulling Dinesh D’Souza’s book, “America: Imagine the World without Her,” off its shelves. But the turnaround only happened because so many people raised a hue and cry about it. However, the fact remains that its co-founder, and still an influential voice in the company, James Sinegal, is a major contributor to Obama and the Democrats and got to address the Democratic convention in 2012. Therefore, is it asking too much of conservatives that they avoid shopping there, and that at least in this one small way display their annoyance with liberals who take their hard-earned money and hand it over to those who despise them and oppose every single thing conservatives hold dear?

In other news from the wacky world of liberalism, the madcap ladies of NOW have placed the Little Sisters of the Poor on their list of the Dirty 100 because of the Sisters’ resistance to the abortion-causing contraceptives offered by ObamaCare. Well, it just so happens that I keep a nasty little list of my own, and NOW is very near the top of it.

Finally, a reader of mine, Roy Bahr, wrote to suggest that we bring Edward Snowden back to the U.S. and have him recover Lois Lerner’s lost emails.
Maybe I’m turning into a softy in my old age, but in exchange for that, I just might offer the arrogant schmuck immunity.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, July 11, 2014

The Stoned President

It wasn't that long ago that a prospective Supreme Court justice was blackballed because he had occasionally smoked marijuana while in college. Although it seems as if it happened a hundred years ago, it wasn’t that long until we elected Bill Clinton, who admitted he had smoked pot, but lied about never having inhaled. That’s like saying you ate a T-bone steak, but didn’t swallow.

We then elected Barack Obama who not only smoked the shit on a regular basis, but bragged about it in his autobiography. All along, I had thought that all of his obvious problems were the result of his having been abandoned as a child by his mother, father and stepfather, and left to be raised by communist grandparents and a sexual pervert, Frank Marshall, who served as a mentor to young Barack.

However, now that medical research has linked marijuana not only to a diminished mental capacity, but to schizophrenia, I have had to revise my diagnosis. It’s just possible that marijuana played an equally large role in the stoner’s turning out to be such a lousy excuse for a president.

Considering the way he has constantly fed us one whopper after another, I find it surprising that we haven’t begun to see those old posters of Richard Nixon captioned “Would You Buy a Used Car From This Man?” popping up bearing Obama’s likeness.

What do you think the odds are that Ahmed Abu Khattallah, the captured Benghazi terrorist, will blame the deaths of Ambassador Chris Stevens and his three colleagues on a spontaneous uprising over a certain video when he finally testifies in a New York court? After which, Obama will grant him executive clemency and send him back to Libya when it’s discovered that Khattallah is suffering from inoperable cancer.

If you’re one of those parents who are mortgaging their home in order to subsidize your kid’s college education, you might be interested to discover that UCLA coughed up $300,000 and the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, ponied up $225,000, in order to get Hillary Clinton to give one of her brain-numbing speeches on campus.

Thanks to Hillary Clinton using her book tour as the first step in her 2016 presidential campaign, things are heating up even earlier than usual. With an eye on the Republican ticket, I would say, based on my recent poll, that I have a better chance of winding up as the GOP nominee than either Jeb Bush or Chris Christie. Having said that, I still prefer to see a governor at the top of the ticket. That’s because the office calls for someone with executive experience. And as much as we might like and admire certain senators, congressmen and even a retired surgeon, I don’t believe that voting, giving speeches or removing a gallbladder provides the necessary prerequisites.

Of course, living in California as I do, I am merely judging governors on the basis of rumor. Out here, all that’s required of our governors is that their last name be Brown and that they be ready to raise our taxes at a moment’s notice in order to give public unions whatever they want and that they cave to the rich environmentalists, even if it means destroying what little remains of industry in California and turning the San Joaquin Valley, once the salad, fruit and rice bowl of America, into just another dust bowl.

Barack Obama was simply crazy about the Supreme Court when it ruled on June 28, 2012, that the Affordable Care Act was constitutional, but now, alas, we discover in the wake of the Hobby Lobby decision that it wasn’t real love, after all, but merely a temporary infatuation. Well, I’m not too surprised. Those summer romances rarely last.

Speaking of Obama, the hubris that he expressed when, as a candidate, he insisted that he would use his super human powers of persuasion to convince our mortal enemies to befriend us has, predictably, blown up in his face. In Syria, Iran, Egypt, Russia, Libya, Yemen, North Korea, Iraq and Gaza, the only change he’s brought about is that they hate us more and fear us less.

He continues to appear befuddled when the likes of Maliki, Abbas, Putin, Assad and Kim Jong-un, quite blatantly display their contempt for him. They’re so unlike the fawning college students who used to hang on his every word when he was a lecturer at the University of Chicago. The difference, of course, is that our archenemies don’t have to kiss his butt to get a passing grade.

In the meantime, Hillary Clinton, yet another self-proclaimed constitutional authority, found it profoundly disturbing that the Supreme Court decided that a family-owned corporation had religious rights. Mrs. Clinton seemed to believe that the mere incorporation of a business should automatically deprive Americans of their First Amendment rights. I, on the other hand, believe a stronger case could be made that a civil servant such as Lois Lerner should not be allowed to hide behind the Fifth Amendment when called upon to answer questions related to the job for which she was receiving a government check and now receives a federal pension.

Furthermore, this administration seems to think that Islamic terrorists such as Ahmed Abu Khattallah have the same constitutional protections as an American citizen, and that among those protections are the right to be defended by a taxpayer-funded attorney and the right not to self-incriminate.

Finally, I watched Megyn Kelly’s two-part interview with the unrepentant terrorist pal of Barack Obama, William Ayers. I thought that she did her usual fine job, but she neglected to ask the arrogant creep one obvious question. In response to his insistence that the reason his group, the Weather Underground, was bombing police stations, the Capitol and the Pentagon, was in order to bring the Vietnam War to an end, I would have pointed out that the War continued unabated for several more years. In fact, it so happens that their criminal activities were prolonging the conflict because Americans in general and Richard Nixon in particular hated them even more than they did the North Vietnamese.

Therefore, I would have asked Ayers if it wasn’t true that altruism had nothing to do with the reason they kept bombing buildings -- and that the sad truth was that they simply liked busting up stuff because that’s what little brats enjoy doing more than anything else.
Besides, behaving like bad boys is really the only way for geeky guys to attract girls.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Lunacy Reigns

How is it that ISIS, numbering fewer than 10,000 Islamic cretins, can pretty much overrun Iraq and instill fear throughout the entire Middle East and here in America? And while we’re on the subject, why haven’t we signed them up to deal with Iran, Russia and North Korea?

As for Iraq, where Obama saw fit to squander American lives and treasure by simply packing up and walking away, I say the most sensible resolution to a problem involving Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds, is to divide the one big cesspool into three smaller cesspools. In the past, the hang-up has been that each sect insisted on winding up in possession of the oil fields. My solution is to put their three names in a hat. The winner gets the oil, the other two get casinos.

I would also like to see America divided into two parts. Our part gets the Constitution and the rule of law; the other guys get Obama and liberalism. The difference between the two groups is obvious. Our side would have gotten the Christian woman out of a Sudanese prison cell and the Marine out of a Tijuana jail within 24 hours, or the bombs would have immediately begun falling on Khartoum and Mexico City.

Another illustrative failing of liberalism is that in the five years since Obama was elected, the thugs at the EPA have come up with 2,839 new regulations, every one of which was intended to destroy our economy and increase unemployment by placing stumbling blocks in the way of industry. Any business owner who still has his head above water these days is a magician. And any federal agency that comes up with nearly 50 regulations every month, nearly two-a-day, including weekends, is an agency that should be eliminated from the face of the earth.

Another tipoff that the feds shouldn’t be running a damn thing is that the private sector fires its executives at a rate six times that of the public sector. Seriously, does anyone really believe that civil servants are as smart, as capable or as honest, as those employed in the real world, let alone six times as smart, capable and/or honest.

In spite of constantly being shot down by the Supreme Court, the alleged constitutional scholar in the White House, Barack (“Mr. I’ve Got a Pen and a Phone”) Obama, in the words of my friend Steve Maikoski: “Continues to ignore his constitutional duties, not just to respect the limitations of presidential power, but to take care that the laws of the land are faithfully executed.”

With disgusting regularity, Obama and his bitch at the Justice Department, Eric Holder, refuse to enforce those laws, such as the Defense of Marriage Act or the ones dealing with illegal drugs and illegal aliens, which they happen to disagree with; and to arbitrarily re-write others, such as the Affordable Care Act.

My biggest concern isn’t even with Obama, but with an electorate that continues to approve of the job he’s doing by managing to ignore the havoc he’s wreaking. From my vantage point, it seems that while he keeps giving us wake-up calls, 40% of Americans keep hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

Obama lies about our getting to keep our doctors and our health insurance, lies about Benghazi, lies about the VA, lies about the IRS, and then lies about lying, and the response of most Democrats is to pull the blankets over their ears and….zzzzzzzz.

The truth is that it’s hard to find good news anywhere these days. For instance, when he was campaigning in 2012, Obama kept reminding us that Osama bin Laden was dead, but G.M. was alive. General Motors, which began being called Government Motors, thanks to Obama and the Democrats bailing out the members of the UAW with our tax dollars, has now had over three million cars recalled because of their lethal ignition systems. So a more appropriate mantra would be: Osama bin Laden is dead and so are at least 13 people who were foolish enough to buy GM cars.

You would think that UCLA would be sufficiently embarrassed to be known as my alma mater without going out of its way to make a public spectacle of itself. But such is not the case. The school recently hosted a workshop titled “Finals Can Wait, Masturbate,” where students were to receive training in the practice of what used to be called self-abuse. As if that’s not bad enough, what’s this younger generation coming to that they can’t do both at once?

Between having to spend more time with doctors than with friends and suffering the general aches and pains that go with aging, getting older is already bad enough. But what’s with the shrinking? When I was 60, I was 5’7. When I hit 70, I was a tad over 5’6. Now I’m 74 and I’m 5’5 ½. At the rate I’m going, by the time I hit 80, I’ll be able to play the Mayor of Munchkinland in a re-make of “The Wizard of Oz.” And when I die, they’ll probably be able to bury me in a shoebox like a pet parakeet.

Speaking of dying, a reader, who claims not to be a conspiracy theorist, is convinced that in 2016, Bill is going to mysteriously drop dead, resulting in Hillary’s receiving a huge sympathy vote.
I said it will all depend on how Bill goes. If he suffers a heart attack, she’ll no doubt get a sympathy vote. On the other hand, if she shoots him, she’ll get my vote.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 7, 2014

The Good Book & The Bad Woman

During her book tour, Hillary Clinton was asked to name her favorite book. One might have expected her to be honest for once in her life and mention “Hard Choices,” the ghost-written tome bearing her name that brought her an $8 million advance, but, instead, she declared it to be…(a drum roll)…the Bible.

She went on to say that she finds it a constant source of wisdom, comfort and encouragement. A show of hands, please – is there anyone who believes that a devout Christian would ever ask what difference it makes who murdered four Americans in Benghazi or slander every young woman her husband ever preyed upon?

Mrs. Clinton also described her pushing the re-set button with Russia as a “brilliant” bit of statecraft. That, by any normal standard, is a very bizarre way to sum up Vladimir Putin’s bamboozling us about Syria, swallowing up Crimea, destabilizing Ukraine and threatening all of Eastern Europe. Typically, Mrs. Clinton failed to explain how a policy that helped bring about those disasters was brilliant when the far more appropriate word that would occur to most of us is “catastrophic.”

You would think that even Democrats, who insist that every House investigation into Obama’s numerous scandals are examples of partisan politics, would have to agree that the timing of our abduction of Benghazi terrorist Ahmed Abu Khattala was anything but coincidental. Although Khattala has been interviewed any number of times by American newsmen while lolling at sidewalk cafes in Libya, it took the chilling optics of Islamists taking back Iraq to finally get Obama to order his capture.

Speaking of Obama, is it really a coincidence that every time there’s a new outbreak of violence in the Middle East, whether it was the 9/11 attack on our consulate in Benghazi or the rash of beheadings in Iraq, he’s busy packing for a fundraiser in Vegas or a round of golf in Palm Springs? To me, it seems like he’s trying to create an alibi. I suppose that’s why every other day I receive email from people referring to him as Sgt. Schultz, referencing the POW guard on “Hogan’s Heroes,” the man who replied “I know nothing” to every question ever put to him. But even Schultz didn’t pretend that he only found out about problems at Stalag 13 by reading about them in the newspaper.

Speaking about newspapers and the media in general, how is it that even after we sent soldiers to Nigeria to assist in the search, we’ve heard nothing more about the 300 Nigerian girls who were abducted last April? Perhaps it’s just an indication of the amount of bad news we get on a daily basis that nothing can hold our attention for more than a few days, unless, of course, it involves the Kardashians or Justin Bieber.

As for Obama’s chickens coming home to roost in Iraq, if I weren’t aware that where Sunnis and Shiites are concerned, it’s a distinction without a difference, I might actually feel sorry for those being murdered by the ISIS thugs. But so far as I’m concerned, the followers of Allah are all scum. I say that because all of them, whichever bloody cult they pledge allegiance to, would be applauding like trained seals if those being butchered and beheaded were Americans, Israelis, Christians or Jews.

Here in America, we have cults of our own. The largest of which is the Democratic Party. It explains why their adherents, many of whom seem to be of normal intelligence, are always saying such stupid things. For instance, only religious fanaticism can explain why John Harwood of Public Broadcasting insisted that Eric Cantor lost his Congressional race because he’s Jewish and was running in a Southern rural district.

It’s nothing new for liberal pundits to attribute racial and religious bigotry to conservatives in general and southerners in particular. But surely it must have occurred to Mr. Harwood that it was those very same people who somehow managed to overcome their blatant anti-Semitism when they elected Mr. Cantor to the House on seven previous occasions. What does Harwood think? That they simply got tired of waiting for him to convert?

One is always hearing that the Barbarians are at the gate. But that is clearly old news. Today, the Barbarians are not only inside the gates, they’re running the schools, dominating the mass media, controlling the Senate and contaminating the White House.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?