Friday, August 29, 2014

Trayvon Martin, Meet Michael Brown

All it took for Al Sharpton and the other race hustlers to rush off to Ferguson, Missouri, was for a 6’4,” 250-pound gangbanger named Michael Brown to be shot while struggling for a cop’s gun. That’s also all it took for Eric Holder to decide to send the F.B.I. in to investigate what he decided within mere hours was a federal crime.

My question is why none of these actions are ever taken when, as is usually the case, it’s some black thug who’s killing other black people in Chicago, Detroit, Atlanta, Philadelphia and L.A.  Perhaps it’s because if they did, Mr. Sharpton wouldn’t have the time left to host his MSNBC show and even Eric Holder would have to start skipping meals if he wanted to keep calling white people “racists” on what seems to be a daily basis.

As for Barack Obama, after finding a moral equivalence between Israel and Hamas, it wasn’t too surprising that he did the same when it came to the rabble who were rioting and looting in Ferguson and the members of the Ferguson P.D. who were merely trying to protect the law-abiding citizens and the businesses that employ them and serve their community.

Clearly, the president is a hollow shell without a moral compass.  In fact, if anyone ever decided to stage a production of “The Wizard of Oz,” they could do it on the cheap by hiring Obama to play all three of Dorothy’s traveling companions.  Unlike Ray Bolger, Jack Haley and Bert Lahr, this fellow was born to portray a man without a brain, a man without a heart and a third who lacked courage.

Although I have seen a number of photos on the Internet showing young Mr. Brown flashing gang signs that suggest he was an active member of the Bloods, the photos I haven’t seen, I’m happy to say, are those showing him as a cherubic-looking 10-year-old, as was the case with the 6’2” Trayvon Martin.

As you may have noticed, Hillary Clinton has been trashing Barack Obama’s foreign policy lately, hoping that we’ll all forget that as his Secretary of State, she implemented most of it for four long years, and that as recently as a few months ago she doubled down on the reset with Russia, insisting, with a straight face, that it was brilliant statecraft.

In the Middle East, we have the clearest divide between good and evil that has existed since World War II.  On one side, we have peace-loving Christians, Jews and Yazidis, while on the other we have blood-lusting Islamic butchers.  Things are so apparent that even the Vatican, against its long-standing tradition, has called for military action.  And, yet, Obama, playing to his left-wing base, keeps assuring our enemies that we will never have boots on the ground.  My question is: why do we even have a military, aside from providing a backdrop on those rare occasions when Obama wants to appear patriotic?

I’m just asking, you understand, but when people join the Army these days, is it with Obama’s personal guarantee that they’ll never be expected to engage in warfare?

When I heard that the divorce rate was going down in America, I took that as a good sign until I discovered it was because the marriage rate has plummeted even faster.  Like just about every other societal calamity, I assume the source of this decline can be traced to our colleges and universities.  One would assume that curriculum devoted to feminist studies, achieving self-induced multiple orgasms, experimenting with homosexuality and the acceptance of transgenderism as an alternate life style, would culminate with a generation that is so self-absorbed that marriage licenses will at some future point only exist at the Smithsonian, along with Jefferson’s writing desk, Franklin’s walking stick and dinosaur bones.

Another contributing factor is the portrayal of marriage on TV and in the movies.  It is usually depicted as armed warfare, with husbands depicted as stupid, boring, close-minded louts and wives pictured as potential high-flyers who would be soaring through the clouds were it not for having had their glorious wings clipped through the twin tragedies of marriage and children.

These days, when laughs are at a premium, I found myself chuckling while watching a documentary dealing with Charley Chaplin’s depiction of Adolph Hitler in “The Great Dictator.”  One of the talking heads in the documentary was Reinhard Spitzy, apparently a friend of Der Fuhrer.  When asked if Hitler, apparently a great fan of American movies, had ever seen Chapin’s satire, Spitzy said he had, and not just once, but twice.

And when asked how Hitler would have reacted to it, Spitzy, insisted “He would have laughed.  Hitler wasn’t dull.  Hitler wasn’t a killjoy, and within the inner circle, he could definitely laugh at jokes.”

If Mel Brooks ever decides to make a sequel to “The Producers” with its “Springtime for Hitler” musical number, he could do a lot worse than “Hitler Wasn’t a Killjoy.”

Finally, someone let me know about a sign that was allegedly posted on the wall above the latrine at a country club.  In my estimation, not since the great English humorist P.G. Wodehouse hung up his niblick, has anyone done a better job of summing up the world of golf: “Welcome to This Facility.  It is the only place on the grounds where nobody will try to change your stance or adjust your grip.”

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?

In the 2 1/2 years I've been requesting donations from readers who might feel guilty about reading my hundreds of essays for free, I have yet to receive even a single response from the following states: Idaho, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming.

Unlike Abe Lincoln, I'm not looking to provoke some unseemly competition between the states, but I'd hate to think that these 12 states are so lacking in pride and patriotism that they'd sit idly by and be outdone by Puerto Rico, Canada and even Thailand!


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

"Counting Down to Jan. 20, 2017" and "Libertarians + Liberals = Lunacy"

There used to be a popular radio show, followed by an equally popular TV show, called “The Amateur Hour.” Singers, comedians and musicians, including even accordion players, would seek fame and fortune by competing on the show. These days, that notion has morphed into any number of similar shows, the most successful of which is “American Idol.”

What led me to think about all this is the realization that by the time the next president is inaugurated, Barack Obama will have held office for 2,922 days. (Don’t forget to count leap years before writing to question my math.) Or in other words, we will have suffered through the equivalent of 70,128 amateur hours.

In his book “Presidential Power,” Richard Neustadt wisely wrote: “The Presidency is no place for amateurs. It requires politicians of extraordinary temperament. That sort of experience can hardly be acquired without deep experience in political office. The Presidency is a place for men of politics. But by no means is it a place for every politician.”

I happen to agree with his analysis, which is why I opposed Herman Cain’s candidacy in 2012 and oppose Dr. Ben Carson’s today. Both men seem to be intelligent and decent fellows, and while I consider both qualities essential in a Chief Executive, I don’t see how that qualifies them to sit in the Oval Office. Heck, I’m intelligent and decent, and have devoted far more time to politics than either of them, and even I wouldn’t vote for me. Well, not unless I was the only thing standing between Hillary Clinton and a return trip to the White House.

In the same way, I tend not to support senators or congressmen. Their jobs don’t provide them with executive experience. What it does provide them with is a megaphone, so they are able to capture people’s attention.

For instance, I very much like Paul Ryan, but except for his expertise when it comes to budgetary matters and a very pleasant personality, I have no idea how he would govern. I am also taken with Trey Gowdy, and the way he cuts through the crapola when questioning the smarmy likes of IRS chief John Koskinen. But I can’t help feeling that the country might be better served if they either stayed where they are or were promoted to Cabinet positions as Secretary of the Treasury and Attorney General, respectively.

Speaking of the IRS, I always thought I had a great way to lessen the annual pain of writing a check to the Treasury. It would take advantage of people’s addiction to lotteries. Don’t you think that people would be somewhat more anxious to pay what they owe if the IRS instituted a lottery that would pay out a first prize of, say, a hundred times the amount you paid in? I would also have runner-up prizes that would return 75-1, 50-1, 25-1, 10-1 to a handful of lucky taxpayers, and perhaps a thousand additional payouts to those whose prize would be the return of their checks torn into several pieces.

Because the Senate Democrats who are up for re-election this November are understandably nervous, Obama has decided to hold off fines on those of us who haven’t signed up for ObamaCare by extending exemptions for anyone who has recently been evicted or faced foreclosure; received a utility shut-off notice; experienced a death in the family; experienced fire, flood or other disaster; had their hometown baseball team eliminated from the playoffs; lost their cat; suffered a case of hiccups lasting more than 15 seconds; or misplaced their eyeglasses. Okay, I made up a few of those, but I’ll leave it to you to figure out which ones.

Those of you who defend Putin’s takeover of Crimea and possible invasion of Ukraine simply because a lot of Ukrainians speak Russian should keep in mind that was Hitler’s rationale for invading Danzig and the Sudetenland and could serve to justify Mexico’s officially invading the American Southwest next week.

The obvious solution for those pigheaded Ukrainians who long to live under Putin’s KGB-bloodied thumb is to pack up their samovars and move to Russia.

While announcing a new day at the VA, Obama recently declared that “If you engage in an unethical practice, if you cover up a serious problem, you should be fired.” I then expected him to say, “That is why I have demanded that Lois Lerner return to Washington and answer every question Congress puts to her regarding the IRS’s unlawful targeting of Tea Party conservatives in 2012.” But, alas, I woke up before he had the chance.

In the musical “Finian’s Rainbow,” a bigoted U.S. senator is magically transformed into a black man. There are many times when I wish that those hypocrites who hate Israel, yet insist they’re not anti-Semites, but simply oppose Israeli policies, would wake up as the sons and daughters of Abraham.

I can’t help suspecting that if the likes of Penelope Cruz, Vanessa Redgrave, Javier Bardem, Emma Thompson, Russell Brand, Stevie Wonder, Rosie O’Donnell, Selena Gomez and Danny Glover, discovered they were Jewish, they wouldn’t be quite so quick to condemn Israel and to side with Islamic terrorists.

On the other hand, I am Jewish, but that doesn’t prevent me from being critical of Israel on occasion. For instance, I have no problem taking Israel to task for repeatedly going through the “peace process,” a long-running farce in which the Israelis are cast as fools whose role it is to sit across the table pretending to negotiate in good faith with people who have sworn to complete the job left half-finished by Hitler.


I keep hearing that libertarian candidates are just about the only things standing between the GOP taking control of the Senate and Harry Reid’s continuing to run it as his own private fiefdom.

What is wrong with these people? Libertarians know they can’t possibly win any Senate seats and yet they don’t mind acting as spoilers on behalf of Obama and his leftist henchmen. Just how arrogant and self-absorbed can people be? Perhaps if he weren’t his father’s son, Rand Paul would consider speaking some sense to his base. Unfortunately, he of the eternal smirk appears to be almost as goofy as his old man.

Speaking of loons, a recent poll found that 74% of people think Obama isn’t tough enough with Putin, 6% think he’s too tough and 16% think he’s handling the pride of the KGB just right. Inasmuch as that only adds up to 96%, I can only assume that 4% of those polled had never heard of Putin or Obama. But it’s that pesky 6% that grabbed my attention. Obama has been too tough with Putin? Either those dopes think Putin is the name of Obama’s dog or I now know what percentage of the vote Rand Paul would receive if he managed to get on the ballot in 2016.

The other day, I heard a radio talk show host talking about all the ways that the middle class has it better now than, say, 40 years ago. I agreed with him when he mentioned medical and dental science, and certain technological advances, but then he pointed out that in 1965, only 6% of those in the middle class, had college degrees, while today that number is 35%. Inasmuch as he is a conservative commentator, I assumed he would qualify that statement. But he didn’t, so I will.

This is a time, after all, when many of those sheepskins are going to people who major in Black, Hispanic or Lesbian studies, and when a great many others are being handed out to teachers, who have been indoctrinated on leftist theology and will spend the rest of their lives regurgitating the claptrap to their young charges.

I mean, does anyone really want to make the case that most college degrees today are anything more than dolled-up high school diplomas? The main difference between them is that you can still graduate from high school without finding yourself a hundred grand in debt.

I keep hearing that Obama has played 200 rounds of golf since he moved into the White House, and that he’s constantly playing basketball on the court in the basement. But none of that comes close to the amount of exercise he’s had running victory laps since pulling the troops out of Iraq.

How many times have we had to listen to him brag about how peaceful and tranquil Iraq is, all thanks to him? It would, I believe, rival the number of stars in the heavens, grains of sand in the Sahara and perhaps even the number of fund-raisers he’s attended. Unfortunately, the only folks who apparently didn’t hear the good news are the butchers currently over-running Iraq and Syria, and who, if they have anything to say about it, will soon be appearing in your own neighborhood.

The Middle East has long been a cesspool, but now that beheadings have become commonplace and genocide is always just a day away, it’s worse than ever.

Still, we must find our laughs where we can. And fortunately, Obama, who is often good for a chuckle, has announced that it wasn’t his idea to remove our troops from Iraq. If I know anything about comedy and the rule of three, he will follow up that knee-slapper by telling us it’s not his idea to pull our troops out of Afghanistan at the end of the year, and have us rolling in the aisles with a punchline that suggests we can keep our doctors and our insurance plans if we’re happy with them.

Speaking of which, as bad as ObamaCare is, it will only get worse if a recent major survey is to be believed. It seems that a large percentage of doctors plan to take early retirement over the next few years for no other reason than that they have no wish to practice in a post-ObamaCare world. My own physician told me that his son, presently in medical school, has now decided to pursue a career in research, and will never treat a single patient.

Still, the Democrats continue to sing the praises of Obama’s Frankenstinian creation, choosing to ignore the ugly scars, the mumbled speech and those two handlebars sticking out of its head.

Someday, I swear, the liberals will outlaw logic and commonsense once and for all, and every conservative in America will end up in a gulag.

Finally, the other day, I watched a bunch of pigeons waddling around in a parking lot. Frankly, I found it unnerving how close they came to being run over. It struck me as totally bizarre. I mean, pigeons are still birds, even if they are commonly referred to as rats with wings. Their death-defying behavior made no sense until I concluded that pigeons are like those numbskulls that show up every year in Pamplona, Spain, for the running of the bulls.

I know it sounds absurd. But I find it more believable that at the end of a long day, male pigeons sit around some avian saloon bragging about how close they came to being flattened by a ’98 Chevy or KFCed by a 2007 Range Rover than that they’ve simply forgotten how to fly.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?

In the 2 1/2 years I've been requesting donations from readers who might feel guilty about reading my hundreds of essays for free, I have yet to receive even a single response from the following 13 states: Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming.

Unlike Abe Lincoln, I'm not looking to provoke some unseemly competition between the states, but I'd hate to think that these 13 states are so lacking in pride and patriotism that they'd sit idly by and be outdone by Puerto Rico, Canada and even Thailand!


Monday, August 25, 2014

Words Well-Worth Heeding

As a rule, I prefer to fill my articles with my own well-chosen words, but there are some thoughts that deserve the widest possible circulation. For instance, in critiquing the state of education in America, it’s hard to improve on the following 21 words of Thomas Sowell: “In an age when scientists are creating artificial intelligence, too many of our educational institutions seem to be creating artificial stupidity.”

Although he wasn’t necessarily known for his positive messages, I believe Friedrich Nietzsche neatly encapsulated the differences between socialism and capitalism when he wrote: “The craving for equality can express itself as a desire to pull everyone down to our own level or as a desire to raise ourselves up along with everyone else.”

Or as someone else once pointed out, “Socialism is the system under which all are made equally miserable.” But of course that isn’t quite true. Whether we’re referring to China, the Soviet Union, Cuba or North Korea, the ruling class always manages to feather its own nests very nicely. As George Orwell observed in “Animal Farm,” in which he turned the Soviet Union nightmare into a fable: “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.”

While some of us can’t help trying to point out -- logically, honestly, at times even humorously -- all the damage being wreaked by Obama and his henchmen and henchwomen, Thomas Paine noted that “Time makes more converts than reason.” That would explain why Obama became the first two-term president to receive fewer votes the second time around. So while it’s true that time makes more converts, it doesn’t necessarily make them quickly enough to suit some of us.

But we don’t want to get too carried away with what other people have to say when I still have so much on my mind. So, let me commend General James Amos for having the courage to complain about the way the Commander-in-Chief is doing his job. Someone has to have the nerve to point out that the emperor is as naked as a blue jay, and it’s nice when that someone has stars on his shoulders.

For my part, as a Jew, I want to call out every Jewish member of Congress for not confronting Obama, Kerry and the anti-Semitic State Department, for spending weeks pretending there is a moral equivalence between Israel and her 8th century dwelling enemies. It is high time these Jewish politicians understood that Obama needs their support a lot more than they need his. Only the rankest sort of partisanship can explain why they either remained silent or joined anti-Semites like Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Emma Thompson, Vanessa Redgrave and a slew of other show biz lunkheads in condemning Israel for “over-reacting” to thousands of missiles and scores of tunnels.

Let us keep in mind that these are the same coddled celebrities who take to their beds and sulk for a week if they even get a bad review. But they demand that Israel not raise a finger to prevent missiles from killing its own people.

The numerous references in the world’s media to Israel’s committing genocide was particularly insufferable not only because the Jews stood accused of doing to others what was so tragically done to them, but because it flies so blatantly in the face of reality. I mean, does anyone actually believe if the mission of Israel’s military was to wipe out the Palestinians that after a month of trying they would have only managed to kill a thousand of them?

To be perfectly honest, I don’t believe that anyone in the so-called civilized world actually cares about the Palestinians or about any Arab or Muslim. How could they? These are the folks who celebrate suicide bombers. These are people who burn down churches and behead Christians. These are people who believe in honor killings and clitorectomies, and where different pay for the same work is the least of women’s concerns. All of that being the case, you’ll please pardon me if I don’t believe those who claim that it’s always Israel that’s in the wrong in these Middle East conflicts, and who then self-righteously deny that they’re Jew-haters.

Closer to home, we have Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg griping that while the Supreme Court is using language of “equal dignity” in recent rulings supporting same-sex marriages, “gender cases rarely get the same consideration.” She complains: “The Court has yet to embrace the ability of women to decide themselves what their destiny will be.”

Inasmuch as Roe v. Wade has been on the books for about 40 years, I can only assume she’s referring to women’s inability to have a butcher like Dr. Kermit Gosnell perform third-trimester abortions. But in response, I say that if women really wish to decide their own destinies, they might want to refrain from engaging in unprotected, irresponsible, sexual relations.

Otherwise, Justice Ginsburg, it’s a lot like whining that people who use illegal drugs, rob banks or commit suicide, don’t get to determine their own destinies because their addiction, jail time or death, has unfairly intervened.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?

In the 2 1/2 years I've been requesting donations from readers who might feel guilty about reading my hundreds of essays for free, I have yet to receive even a single response from the following 13 states: Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming.

Unlike Abe Lincoln, I'm not looking to provoke some unseemly competition between the states, but I'd hate to think that these 13 states are so lacking in pride and patriotism that they'd sit idly by and be outdone by Puerto Rico, Canada and even Thailand!


Friday, August 22, 2014

"Riots & Racism" and "Inconvenient Truths"

Can we all agree that , the recent riots in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson, MO, had as much to do with the police shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown as it did with a hurricane in Hawaii or a square dance in Iowa?

As I have written in the past, a legitimate protest consists of tossing tea into Boston Harbor; it doesn’t involve stealing a TV. Time and again, young black thugs in Detroit, L.A., Philadelphia and now St. Louis, have taken advantage of an event to run amok, turning over cars, looting stores and setting fires. They do it because they are bottom-feeders who feel empowered by corrupt politicians, a liberal media and race hustlers like Al Sharpton, to carry out the sort of violence which when committed by one or two individuals results in jail time, but when committed by a mob results in liberal pundits justifying the mayhem.

A reader, Bob Alton, wrote to me, posing the following question: Now that Hillary Clinton is speaking out against Obama’s foreign policy, can we expect her to be branded a racist? It’s a fair question when you realize that her husband was labeled one in 2008 for no other reason than that he campaigned for his wife during the primaries, and “racist” has been branded on the rump of every Republican who has voiced an objection to anything Obama has said or done over the past six years.

It’s no secret that Democrats, including Obama, have been pressuring the older liberals on the Supreme Court to retire ASAP so that Obama can leave a longer lasting impression on America. I think it’s a move that can wind up biting the Democrats in the butt in 2016. After all, if Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 81, Anthony Kennedy, 78, and Stephen Breyer, 76, are too old for the job, which pretty much consists of sitting around reading briefs and occasionally casting a vote, it might be hard to convince people they should run out and vote for Hillary Clinton, who will be 69 when the 2016 election takes place, and a ripe 77 by the time her second term would conclude. But perhaps they simply assume that being the commander-in-chief is as easy a gig as Obama makes it seem: rounds of golf, interspersed occasionally with expensive vacations and fund-raising galas.

Speaking of things that have not only ripened, but dropped off the tree and are well on their way to being mulch, we have Jimmy Carter. According to a recent article in the Washington Times, the reason that Carter, who once condemned Israel as an apartheid nation, is such a vociferous fan of Hamas is because he blames his loss to Ronald Reagan in 1980 on Jewish voters.

As a Jew, nothing would make me prouder. However, inasmuch as Reagan garnered 43 million votes to Carter’s paltry 35 million, and 489 electoral votes to Carter’s infinitesimal 49, and that Jews represent a mere 2% of the population, it’s a bit far-fetched. What’s more, although he did better than other recent GOP presidential candidates, Reagan still managed to lose the Jewish vote 39% to Carter’s 45%.

If Carter is going to be pissed off with anyone, it should be with John Anderson, the third party candidate who sucked off the other 16%. But I guess Carter figures it’s cooler to be an anti-Semite than to target Anderson, a member of the Evangelical Free Church. It certainly explains why he’s so revered in the Middle East and why the Carter Presidential Library owes its very existence to Arab and Muslim donors.

As you have no doubt heard, Donald Sterling has been deprived by a confederacy of sharks and skunks of his legal ownership of the L.A. Clippers, all because of the public exposure of his private comments to a girlfriend. I only hope that when, inevitably, the racist comments of black basketball players are made public by their disgruntled ex-wives, business associates, former teammates and publicity-hungry groupies, they, too, will be slam-dunked by the NBA. But somehow I doubt if any of us will live that long.

Finally, when I see all the terrible mischief taking place in the world, much of it the result of Obama’s feckless foreign policy, I long for the time when America spoke softly but, like the beat cops in the old days, carried a big night stick.

Alas, we’ve gone from a time when our allies relied on us and our foes feared us to what we have today, a world in which our allies feel betrayed and our enemies are emboldened.

In short, we have gone from the Monroe Doctrine to what can only be called the Moron’s Doctrine.

Inconvenient Truths

I had always thought that the greatest marketing strategy ever devised was the one the shampoo industry came up with when they advised people to shampoo, rinse and then repeat, thus doubling their sales. That one word, “repeat,” was worth billions of dollars. But “Hope and Change,” which was used to sell Barack Obama as a unifier was an even greater example of marketing legerdemain.

For, far from unifying us, he has devoted every moment that he hasn’t been golfing or fund-raising to dividing us. Franklin Roosevelt who, ideologically, had far more in common with Joseph Stalin than he had with Winston Churchill, succeeded in separating us along class and race lines, but he was a piker compared to Obama, who has added age, income, gender and religion, to the list of dividers.

Speaking of religion, in the wake of Obama and Kerry deciding that Israel is no more moral and upstanding than the barbarians who target both our nations, I counted up the number of Jewish members of the House and Senate, all of whom have kept their yaps shut during this shameful period. It seems there are 10 Jewish senators representing nine states, and 21 House members representing 10 states, and not one of them has had the moral integrity to call out the President or the Secretary of State.

In the meantime, Obama claims he has no sympathy for Hamas, but great respect for the PLO and the Palestinian people, somehow ignoring the fact that the Palestinians elected Hamas to govern Gaza and just this past April, the PLO officially linked up with Hamas.

And how much longer must we continue to pretend that the so-called civilians in Gaza are all innocent victims in this conflict? Surely I’m not the only person who has seen videos of Palestinian children parroting the words of their elders, vowing to kill the Jews, and proudly posing with pretend belts of explosives strapped around their little bodies – at least I hope they’re fake – emulating suicide bombers.

But we’re told by the U.N. and the vile world media that it’s Israel that’s breeding future generations of terrorists by attempting to protect its own people from terror tunnels and missile barrages.

I say it’s high time for the United States to tell Arabs and Muslims, the present day Nazis, that “Never again!” means “Never again!”

When Obama talks about the GOP House doing nothing, he never mentions the fact that Harry Reid refuses to allow House bills to be voted on by the Senate. For those of you who can’t imagine why Reid would stick all such bills in his wastepaper basket when it’s the Democrats who control the Senate, it’s in order to protect those members from being forced to cast a vote that is certain to antagonize either the White House or their own constituents.

It seems that 47 of the 73 independent federal watchdogs known as inspectors general, whose mission is to sniff out fraud, waste and mismanagement, have signed a letter to Congress complaining that government agencies including the Justice Department, the EPA, Homeland Security and the Peace Corps, are refusing to divulge information, classifying it as confidential.

In case you might be wondering what the Peace Corps could possibly be hiding, apparently it’s the large number of volunteers who have been sexually attacked. I can see where the Peace Corps might wish to conceal that piece of information from fathers and mothers, who might otherwise wish to dissuade their idealistic daughters from running off to dig wells and plant taters in Somalia or Botswana.

Speaking of Africa, if Ebola is not an airborne disease, as they keep telling us, and can only be transmitted through bodily fluids, would someone please explain how the American missionaries, Dr. Kent Brantly and his nurse, Nancy Writebol, contracted the loathsome disease?

Although I am not a fan of Rand Paul, and not simply because he shares the same smug smirk as Kirsten Powers, I do agree with him when it comes to foreign aid. I mean, even Santa, the biggest soft touch in the world, keeps track of who’s naughty and who’s nice. But America, like a rich guy on a drunken binge, doesn’t care who it’s buying drinks for when it shouts: “Drink up. It’s on me.” when it tosses billions of our tax dollars on the bar.

I have no patience with those who oppose capital punishment, insisting it is cruel and unusual. There is nothing even slightly cruel about executing someone who has murdered others, and if liberal judges and lawyers didn’t make it such a needlessly long and complicated a process, it wouldn’t be so freaking unusual.

Here in California, where we have so many really embarrassing politicians that even I can’t keep track of them all, occasionally one will pop up from nowhere to claim their moment in the spotlight. So it is that the formerly anonymous Rep. Julia Brownley, representative from the 26th congressional district, recently made her presence known by sending out a mailer which included a photo of a young woman wearing what Brownley’s re-election team assumed was a U.S. Navy uniform. Apparently it’s the uniform of the German Luftwaffe.

The good news for Rep. Brownley is that it’s the current Luftwaffe and therefore comes without a swastika. Otherwise, even in California, that would have constituted a major whoops.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?

In the 2 1/2 years I've been requesting donations from readers who might feel guilty about reading my hundreds of essays for free, I have yet to receive even a single response from the following 13 states: Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming.

Unlike Abe Lincoln, I'm not looking to provoke some unseemly competition between the states, but I'd hate to think that these 13 states are so lacking in pride and patriotism that they'd sit idly by and be outdone by Puerto Rico, Canada and even Thailand!


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Tender Hearts & Soft-Boiled Brains" and "Death & Taxes

We Americans like to think of ourselves as 320 million humanitarians. While it’s true that we tend to be charitable, even going so far as to help our enemies around the world when they’re hit by a natural disaster, sometimes our better nature flies in the face of commonsense.

For instance, in recent weeks, we have welcomed thousands of Central Americans into the U.S. and then transported them around the country even though we know that many of them suffer from chicken pox and tuberculosis. In the old days, when America actually had borders and a sense of self-preservation, even legal immigrants were turned away if they were found to have communicable diseases. In some cases, sick children were separated from their nuclear families and sent back to their relatives in Europe and Asia until they were healthy enough to return.

Now we go so far as to allow those suffering from Ebola to be brought back from West Africa. While it’s true that the doctor and the nurse in question are not only both Americans, but are heroic examples of humanity, having become infected while treating others who had the disease, it is sheer insanity that they were brought home to be treated. If they could treat others in Africa, there was no sensible reason they couldn’t have been treated there, rather than risk introducing the disease to North America.

Speaking of the Central American border-crashers, George Will has pointed out that there are 3,143 counties in the United States, and then used that number to suggest how easily we could accommodate the newcomers, as if the solution to the problem was to simply divide the 65,000 kids, dispersing, say 20 or so to each county. For my part, I think there is more than enough empty space between George’s ears where we could safely stash them.

What I would be willing to consider is dropping those kids off at the White House and at the homes of Hollywood and Manhattan liberals who are sobbing into their crying towels over their plight. That way these select few could adopt, feed, house and school, the kiddies on their own, without expecting the American taxpayer to pick up the tab for these mini-freeloaders.

Speaking of kids, I have come to the conclusion that the move over the past few decades to remove competition from sporting events involving youngsters, lest anyone come to regard himself as a winner or, worse yet, a loser, has infected our military. Whereas in the distant past, we waged wars with the idea of winning them and making our enemies say “Uncle!” we now play for ties, lest others think badly of us or are embarrassed for having lost.

Speaking of the military, I am in no way an isolationist, but I think before we enter into defense treaties with other nations, we require that they maintain the largest military they can possibly afford. If they’re going to keep relying on our military to protect them, thus treating us as mercenaries, we should send them a monthly invoice, payable on demand. At least that way, we could afford to restore the military force that our own gutless administration, using sequester as an excuse, has decimated.

One last word on the subject of children: I am getting sick and tired of seeing men on TV whining that their rights as fathers have been usurped by a system that favors mothers. The problem is that in most of these cases, the man never bothered marrying the child’s mother. Simply being the sperm donor doesn’t entitle you to any say in the matter, and I say that as a veteran of a custody battle. But it was a battle between a husband and a wife. It was lengthy, expensive and excruciating, but a marriage certificate entitled me to my day in court.

As I see it, planting a seed in a field you haven’t title to doesn’t make you anyone’s father. Not even a sharecropper. At most, it makes you a fieldhand.

Although I have on occasion taken the Catholic Church in general and Pope Francis in particular to task, I don’t harbor ill-feelings towards the Church. But I did think that a couple of comments by Catholic friends were worth sharing. One friend, Tony, at the height of the pedophile scandals, was being attacked by a mutual friend. I thought his response, “The Church is greater than the sum of its human parts,” made a great deal of sense. More recently, another friend, Steve, suggested that a lot of Catholics believe more in the confessional than they do in the Commandments.

Finally, while it may surprise some of you, I have yet another friend, Tom, who is a great lover of old movies and often, against my advice, uses one of Leonard Maltin’s various books as his viewing guide. It so happens I’ve met Mr. Maltin. On one occasion, I ran into him soon after I found that he had given a TV movie I had written just two stars out of a possible four, even though my script had won a Writers Guild award, been directed by multiple Emmy-winner Gil Cates, and starred Sharon Gless, Richard Thomas, Lillian Gish and Jack Warden.

I asked Maltin why he had scored it so low, and he explained he hadn’t even seen it, that it had been farmed out to one of his young subordinates. I offered to send him a video so he could judge it for himself. He begged off, saying that he would then have to second-guess every movie critique in the book. I pooh-poohed that fear, pointing out that he would only have to reconsider movies written by writers he had the misfortune of running into at parties. And besides, inasmuch as the guides all carried his name alone, he owed it to his own reputation.

In reporting all this to Tom, I concluded by saying that I considered Maltin something of an inspiration. He’s a person, I pointed out, without wit, above average intelligence or even, by my lights, character. Furthermore, he looks like something left out in the rain, and yet he managed to carve out a successful career both in print and on TV.

His value can’t be denied. In a world in which most of us aspire to be superior, and are foiled by our own limitations, Leonard Maltin, like Barack Obama, is an inspiration to mediocrities everywhere.

After all, if those two can succeed, surely there is hope for everyone.

Death & Taxes

A while back, Theodore VanKirk died in Georgia at the age of 93. His death would have gone unnoticed except by friends and relatives if 69 years earlier he hadn’t been the navigator on the Enola Gay, the B-29 Superfortress that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima.

As the last living member of the historic crew, he was interviewed in 2005. At the time, he said that his experience showed that wars and A-bombs don’t settle anything. I would have understood if he’d said something about the terrible emotional toll that delivering that bomb had taken on him personally. But to have suggested that it didn’t settle anything was absurd. That bomb, along with the one dropped on Nagasaki three days later, ended World War II. The two bombings led to Japan’s unconditional surrender and eliminated the need for the allies to invade the islands, which, according to reliable sources, could have cost a million lives.

It so happens I had friends and relatives who were stationed in the Pacific, dreading what everyone knew would be a long and bloody invasion, and fell to their knees, thanking God and Harry Truman, not necessarily in that order, for sparing them the inevitable bloodbath.

There are times when you have to wonder if a prerequisite of working at the State Department is proving yourself to be an anti-Semite. The latest example was the Department’s decision to honor Samira Ibrahim as a 2014 Woman of Courage. Ms. Ibrahim, you see, supported the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt. Far from being courageous, her own statements show her to be a sewer-dweller. She has not only contended that Jews are behind every evil act committed anywhere in the world, but in the wake of the 9/11 attack on the American consulate in Benghazi, said that every 9/11 should be celebrated in similar fashion, with America burning.

It’s only because the Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol, acting as a referee on behalf of basic human decency, threw a flag that the State Department backed off at the last second. And in case you were wondering if Mr. Kristol had a secret source of information, he didn’t. All you have to do is Google Ms. Ibrahim, which, one presumes, the State Department already had.

Although I have made a point of cutting down on my Fox viewing habits, in part to avoid wasting time with Alan Colmes, Kirsten Powers, Bob Beckel and Geraldo Rivera, so long as I continue watching Bret Baier’s “Special Report” and Chris Wallace’s Sunday morning show, I can’t seem to avoid Juan Williams.

Barack Obama has no more ardent defender than Mr. Williams. He is always Johnny – make that Juanny-on-the-Spot – when it comes to denouncing those who oppose Obama’s policies as racists. But never do I hear anyone suggesting that his kneejerk defense of everything Obama does, no matter how blatantly unconstitutional it happens to be, is race-based.

A reader recently let me know that he disagreed with my contention that the rich and poor should pay their income taxes at the same rate. His far more radical plan is that everyone should pay the same amount. That struck me as so bizarre, I wrote back to make certain he meant what I thought he meant. It turns out he did.

He actually felt that if a poor person paid $100 to the IRS, that is also what Warren Buffet and Bill Gates should pay.

As politely as I could, I pointed out that was sheer lunacy, and that the federal government couldn’t survive on that pittance. He, in turn, dared me to come up with federal departments that deserved to exist. I explained that the military would vanish under his system. I added that there are agencies which should continue to function, but on a limited budget and without the Gestapo-like powers Obama has given them.

For openers, even under my reader’s plan the IRS would be required to ensure that Gates and Buffet mailed in those $100 checks. Also, there is nothing intrinsically evil about the EPA. I mean, do any of us really want factories to be free to poison our water and pollute the air simply because the factory owners want to maximize profits?

To which, my reader replied: “Where in the Constitution do you find any mention of these agencies?”

Well, there are any number of federal bureaucracies that I would immediately shut down if I could, including the Commerce Department, Education, the “Human” part of Health and Human Services, and even the Justice Department so long as Eric Holder is taking his marching orders from Barack Obama. But, instead, I replied: “The Founding Fathers were a remarkable group of individuals, but just because they lacked the foresight in the 18th century to imagine jetliners, radio stations and TV networks, doesn’t mean that the FAA and FCC are unconstitutional.”

To which Reader replied: “This is what amendments are for. If something is to be added, amend the Constitution. The Founders did foresee modifications to address new items; that is why Madison included Article Five.”

To which I countered: “Amending the Constitution is a long and laborious process. Commonsense would dictate that Congress creates legislation and agencies to deal with new inventions, and that we don’t start amending the Constitution every time someone like Steve Jobs comes up with a brainstorm.”

Finally, I just saw a show produced in 2007 that dealt with the Mayan Calendar. Back then, in case it slipped your mind, there was a lot of attention focused on the mysterious fact that the last date on the ancient calendar was December 21, 2012. The pinheads took that to mean the world would cease to exist on that day.

When the show ended, I found myself wondering if those who were convinced of the world’s end awoke on the 22nd of December happy to still be alive or miserable because they knew that anyone in their circle who was anything like yours truly would never stop teasing them.

But then I found myself wondering if perhaps those Mayans foresaw that six weeks prior to that date, Barack Obama would be re-elected, and that for millions of Americans, although the world hadn’t really ended, it sure felt like it had.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, August 18, 2014

The Fat Lady Is Practicing Her Scales

I don't think there is any way to overestimate the importance of the mid-term elections. Although I wish I could view the world through non-partisan eyes, Barack Obama and Harry Reid have conspired to make that impossible. I’m just hoping that a sufficient number of Americans come out of their collective coma before the fat lady has a chance to warble “Nearer My God to Thee” at this nation’s funeral.

The trouble is that we have a president who seems to lie awake nights trying to come up with new ways to destroy America. For openers, he is terrified -- partly because of his liberal base and partly because of his own questionable background -- to be confrontational towards the Islamists who are enthusiastically waging war on us and our allies. So even as he does the right thing in Iraq by trying to prevent the barbarians from exterminating Christians and Kurds, he keeps assuring those who are out to create a caliphate that we are limiting our response.

His defenders like to say that he is thoughtful and deliberate, seemingly slow to act only because he is so concerned with nuance, so profoundly aware of the possible consequences of taking action. What makes that analysis so comical is that when Hamlet behaved exactly the same way, most people wrote it off as pathological indecision at best, cowardice at worst. It’s also worth noting that, thanks to Hamlet’s constant dithering, everyone is dead by the end of Act V.

For anyone who is curious what this impending caliphate would look like, they merely have to consider the fact that these savages are beheading children; turning captured women into sex slaves, much as the Japanese did during World War II; and committing genocide with a relish unseen since the days when Nazi Germany was running its gas ovens 24/7.

Instead of doing everything in his power to defeat pure evil, Obama prefers to remind us that Bush’s war in Iraq was a disaster. He happens to be right, but for the wrong reason. The war was a blunder not so much because we waged it or because we failed to find weapons of mass destruction, but because George Bush insisted that our actual mission was to bring democracy like a gift box of chocolates to that misbegotten land, and because he kept repeating the moronic message that Islam is a religion of peace as if he were a parrot gone berserk.

I do not believe that the majority of Americans are as weary of war as they are of squandering billions of dollars and thousands of military lives in the naïve hope that at the conclusion of hostilities, our sworn enemies will like us, when the aim should be that they, along with every other potential foe, fear us.

I believe that if Obama unleashed our full military might on the Islamic State or whatever these creeps are calling themselves this week, and turning the sand these monsters stand on into glass, most Americans would stand up and cheer.

I also believe that it is time that our politicians quit pretending that there are good Muslims and bad Muslims. A good Muslim is someone like the non-Muslim Meriam Ibrahim, who barely escaped a hundred lashes and death by hanging, who was condemned as an apostate, but who refused to deny her Christian faith. A bad Muslim is everyone who clapped and danced on 9/11 and who, in his heart of hearts, takes pride in every act of violence by a fellow Muslim perpetrated on Christians, Jews and anyone else labeled an infidel by his vile religion.

To me, it seems that there are only two groups of peace-lovers in the entire Middle East. Those would be, one, the Israelis and, two, the members of the Iraqi military, who shed their uniforms and tossed away their American-supplied weapons as soon as they were confronted by the blood-lusting vampires heading towards Baghdad.

Finally, the moment you’ve been waiting for, especially if you’re one of the 389 readers who cast votes in my latest poll, which asked for your personal choice to be the 2016 GOP presidential candidate.

To begin with, I want to apologize to those of you who took me to task for leaving Dr. Ben Carson off my original list of 16 potential candidates. It was an innocent oversight. I had actually caught it a few hours after putting the list together, but I forgot to alert Steve Maikoski, the brilliant fellow who manages my website. I did let him know the morning of the posting, but by that time the article had gone out to those who subscribe to my blog. Fortunately, I had that possibility covered because, along with the 16 names, I had left a place for “Other.”

Even though I had specifically asked for a single name and no commentary, some people couldn’t resist explaining their vote. A few others felt they couldn’t narrow it down and insisted on naming two or three candidates. Those people received a curt message that read: “One man, one vote. This ain’t Chicago, bub!” Without exception, they saw the light and re-submitted a single name.

As I have pointed out in the past when polling my readers, I make no pretense that I’m doing what the likes of Pew and Gallup do. I am not breaking my responders down by religion, gender, income, region or age. But I do believe my readers represent a cross-section of Republicans, whether they lean right to the Tea Party side of the GOP or to the Libertarian left. By and large, even those who damn what they call the Republican establishment would prefer a presidential candidate with an (R) after his name to Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren or anyone else branded with a (D).

I must confess that I found the results surprising, in some cases extremely so. Speaking personally, I confess that I was buoyed both by how well Governor Walker polled and how badly Senator Rand Paul did.

Far and away, the top six vote-getters were: Scott Walker, 79 votes; Ted Cruz, 58; Trey Gowdy, 57; Mitt Romney, 44; Ben Carson, 41; and Rick Perry, 31.

The only others to receive double digit support were: Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin, each with 14 votes.

Marco Rubio garnered 9 votes, Paul Ryan received 8; Mike Huckabee got 6, Chris Christie, 5; Jeb Bush, 4; Mike Pence, Susana Martinez and Rand Paul, 3; Rick Santorum tied me with 2; Donald Trump, John Kasich, Allen West, John Bolton, Nikki Haley and Mike Lee, 1.

I can’t speak for any of my competitors, but when I see that in spite of not having spent a dime on TV spots and not having visited Iowa or New Hampshire even once this past year, I am essentially running neck and neck with Rubio and Christie, and leaving the likes of Trump, West and Bolton in the dust, I have no choice but to officially toss my hat in the ring.

Donation requests to follow.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, August 15, 2014

"It's Chinatown"

At the end of the movie, “Chinatown,” when the rich, powerful and totally depraved Noah Cross drags his granddaughter away in order to use and abuse her as he used and abused his own daughter, the private eye, J.J. Gittes, tries to stop him. But he’s held back by a friend, who says, “Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinatown.” And although at the time they are standing in the middle of a street located in L.A.’s Chinatown, what he’s really saying is that some things never change, that those in power are always corrupt and, tragically, that corruption always triumphs at the end of the day.

If the movie had been made in 2014 rather than 40 years ago, he might have said, “Forget it, Jake, it’s Washington,” and conveyed the same cynical message.

Recently, the IRS agreed, on behalf of the atheist group Freedom from Religion, to go after churches that they feel have gotten too involved in politics, and should therefore face forfeiture of their tax-exempt status. But how involved is obviously less important than who’s involved.

For instance, when the Catholic Church pushes for amnesty on behalf of illegal aliens, 99% of whom just happen to be Catholics and are likely to fill its pews and collection plates, not to mention the ranks of the Democrats, I have a feeling the Church is not likely to be reprimanded by Obama’s IRS. And when at election time, black Baptist ministers pick up a few extra bucks by renting out their pulpits to leftwing candidates, I don’t think they have to worry about Eric Holder’s Justice Department lowering the boom.

One would have thought that America would have recognized what a terrible idea it was to join the United Nations back in 1945. After all, it had been less than ten years earlier that Haile Selassie, the leader of Ethiopia, had gone before the League of Nations, the precursor of the U.N., to plead for the world’s help in fending off the invading Italian forces. Predictably, the League, a pipedream of the vile Woodrow Wilson, did nothing. On his way out the door, Selassie uttered the ominous warning: “Today, it’s us; tomorrow, it will be you.”

As he foretold, World War II was waiting in the wings, even as Neville Chamberlin promised “Peace in our time” and the isolationists in the U.S. had us twiddling our thumbs for an additional three years until the Japanese foolishly dragged us into the fray by demolishing our fleet at Pearl Harbor.

That is why I get so annoyed when people like Rand Paul suggest that we keep our noses out of foreign affairs and others insist that Americans are sick and tired of waging war. I could be mistaken, but what I think Americans are sick and tired of is rushing off to defend one sect of Muslims being attacked by some other sect, and settling for cease-fires instead of actually winning wars by defeating the enemy.

That’s not to suggest we should keep our hands off the Middle East. For one thing, we have an ally in that part of the world, Israel, with whom we share a great deal, including civilized values, human rights and common enemies. What we shouldn’t do is what George W. Bush did in Iraq and Afghanistan; namely rebuild that which we had just knocked down, or pretend that we had anything in common with those who pray to Allah, parrot the lie that Islam is a religion of peace or announce that we actually expected to leave a western-style freedom-loving democracy in our wake.

The only thing we have a right to expect of those who refer to us as the Big Satan and to Israel as the Little Satan is what we had prior to Jimmy Carter’s pulling the Persian rug out from under the Shah of Iran: namely, a collection of backward nations ruled by tyrants who were beholden to the U.S., ruthless despots who would either keep their heel on the necks of would-be terrorists or exterminate them on our mutual behalf.

Something that is impolite to mention, but is nevertheless true, is that inbreeding has long plagued the Arab/Muslim world, where for centuries marriage between first cousins has been the norm. It certainly helps to explain their lack of progress, even in terms of personal hygiene, since the days when Mohammad was racing around on his camel killing everyone he couldn’t convert.

Were it not for the oceans of oil that lie beneath their sand, they would probably have died off by this time, assuming that Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” is anything more than a rumor.

The only cultures that come close to the Muslims when it comes to exhibiting signs of inbreeding are certain clans to be found in the hollows of the Ozarks and among the liberal pinheads whose natural habitat are urban areas such as Berkeley, West L.A. and New York’s Upper West Side.

Much like Africa, whose most important contributions to the modern world have been AIDS and Ebola; and the Middle East, which prides itself on having introduced suicide bombs and clitorectomies; liberal enclaves have bestowed precious little besides the New York Times’ nonsensical editorials, politically correct censorship and wine spritzers.

Or, to put it another way, it’s still Chinatown, Jake.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

"Notes From My Bunker" and "To Impeach Or Not To Impeach"

One of my readers is given to sending me messages fraught with anger and frustration over news items related to the ever-increasing amount of madness in the world. In his last communique, he let me know that it was getting to be too much for him to bear and that he had resorted to listening to more music and less news. I wrote back to report that my wife, who is addicted to Fox News, will sometimes switch it off in order to lower her blood pressure by watching cooking shows and old movies.

I then acknowledged that I’m lucky because when the bad news begins to overwhelm me, I sit down and write another article ridiculing liberals or Muslims. And lately, I added, it’s become increasingly difficult to distinguish between the two villainous groups.

Speaking of those who should be bombed back to the Stone Age, except for the fact that they’ve never really emerged from it, I have noticed that even Fox has focused far more sympathetic attention on the Palestinians than on the Israelis. That might be the inevitable result of their stationing their Middle East correspondent Conor Powell in Gaza rather than in Tel Aviv. I have begun to suspect that Mr. Powell, who wears a helmet to protect himself from Israeli bombs, has become a victim of the Stockholm syndrome. Inevitably, he has begun to empathize with those who are being bombed today instead of those who have been under missile attack for the better part of the past decade. But, then, we know that even Fox is not impervious to the media motto that dictates that if it bleeds, it leads.

If the Israelis want to start garnering a little sympathy, they have to stop using the Iron Dome defense system to bring down Palestinian missiles. And if they station women and children in targeted zones, I’m sure they’ll do even better in the PR war.

Of course if they really want the world’s pity, at least for a week or so, they can simply roll over for the Muslims in Gaza, Syria and Iran, and allow themselves to be wiped off the face of the earth.

In what passes for stupid even by her own Olympian standards, Nancy Pelosi had the gall to say: “According to Qatar, Hamas is a humanitarian organization.” So, even though most of the civilized world, including the United States, has declared Hamas a terrorist organization, the House minority leader is willing to go on TV and seriously parrot the words of one group of Muslim terrorists about another

But, then, in what must go down as one of the oddest moments in human history, we have America’s Secretary of State John Kerry siding with Hamas and the terrorist gang’s supporters in Qatar and Turkey, while Egypt, Saudi Arabia and most of the Middle East, sides with Israel.

The fact that there are demonstrations against Israel in particular and the Jews in general all over Europe is no surprise. For one thing, many of the demonstrations are led by the demented followers of Islam. For another, anti-Semitism is part of Europe’s DNA. Far more troubling is the fact that there have been scores of similar demonstrations here in America.

It makes me wonder about some of you parents: When you see your college-age sons and daughters out in the streets carrying signs condemning Israel for trying to protect herself from enemies sworn to destroy her, some of their signs equating Israel with Nazi Germany, do your hearts swell with parental pride? Do you pat yourselves on the back because you’ve allowed leftwing, anti-American, Jew-hating professors to fill their heads with sewage?

Were you too busy playing golf or watching “The Survivor” to pay any attention to the crap with which they were being indoctrinated as far back as grade school? Did it not give you pause when over 70% of young people voted to re-elect Barack Obama? Did you at least have second thoughts about having spared the rod and, instead, applied discipline through time-outs, which consisted of exiling the kids to bedrooms that could pass for Toys-R-Us outlets? Did you waste time pumping up their self-esteem while neglecting to even consider their lack of values, logic or commonsense?

Finally, I have come up with what I think is a vast improvement on the tax system. Whether it’s a Fair Tax or a Flat Tax, I think we’d all be a lot happier if we could direct our payments to those parts of the government we personally support. So, for instance, conservatives could apply theirs to building up the military and providing more generous pensions for our veterans.

For their part, liberals could apply theirs to, say, financing Barack Obama’s vacations or Nancy Pelosi’s Botox injections.


Even before Sarah Palin called on the GOP House to institute impeachment proceedings against Barack Obama, I suggested it, so long as they held off until after the mid-term elections. That’s because I didn’t want anyone to be distracted from the Affordable Care Act or any of the numerous scandals associated with this administration.

It wasn’t that I believed the Senate, whether controlled by Harry Reid and the Democrats or by a post-January GOP majority would actually vote Obama out of office. What I wanted was for all those millions of people who manage to get through life while paying no attention to politics to finally have no place left to hide. When a president is being impeached, even those who spend most of their time watching “American Idol,” “Perry Mason” re-runs and fishing shows can’t help but absorb some unpleasant facts through osmosis.

I see no other way for these human ostriches to learn that all those scandals – ranging from Operation Fast & Furious to the Internal Revenue’s targeting of Republicans, from the Benghazi massacre to Obama’s shredding the Constitution in order to legislate from the Oval Office – aren’t as phony as Obama keeps insisting they are.

One of my readers, Joe Vincent, agrees with me. Quoting religious leader Max Lucado, he wrote to say: “It is never wrong to do the right thing.” Even so, timing matters, which is why I want to wait until 2015 to have the right thing done..

I understand that there are those, including Charles Krauthammer, John Boehner and Michael Medved, who disagree with me when it comes to impeachment. They believe that such an action could bite the Republicans in the butt because the Democrats would label them racists. To which I say, so what else is new? If a conservative so much as admits he prefers white meat to dark meat at Thanksgiving, he’s called a bigot.

It’s time for Republicans to grow up and quit sniveling every time a demented liberal calls them names. My suggestion is to consider the source, pull on your big boy pants and move on.

I realize that the impeachment of Bill Clinton proved disastrous for the GOP and did a lot to help the Democrats gain congressional seats in the 1998 mid-terms. But that was then and this is now. For one thing, the economy was zipping along in 1998, and although that had less to do with Clinton than with Newt Gingrich and the House Republicans, it accrued to his benefit. For another thing, say what you will about Clinton, he comes off as a good old boy. Obama comes across as an arrogant schmuck whose domestic agenda has put a brake on our economic recovery and whose foreign policy has alienated America’s friends and emboldened our enemies.

In addition, although he was guilty of perjury, Clinton’s defenders in Congress and the media could make it appear that he was being persecuted by Puritans over his sleazy private life. The proceedings quickly took on the appearance of a French sex farce, with the prosecutor, Kenneth Starr, in the role of a vengeful wife, while Hillary Clinton cast herself as Bill’s loyal drinking buddy, ever ready to provide an alibi, while simultaneously blaming a vast rightwing conspiracy and trashing every woman who ever dared complain about his boorish antics.

Finally, while it’s quite true that Clinton’s impeachment made him a sympathetic character for a great many people and helped fuel the Democrats’ unprecedented mid-term victories in 1998, Krauthammer, Boehner and Medved, seem to have overlooked the fact that it hardly proved fatal to the GOP, which managed to win the presidency two short years later against the incumbent vice-president.

Speaking of the Clintons, Hillary is still kicking herself in the backside for trying to come off as a typical housewife worried sick over the future when she insisted that she and Bill were flat broke in 2001 – or at least as broke as two people could be when they had tens of millions of dollars’ worth of impending book deals and speaking fees just waiting for them to turn off the lights and put the key under the White House welcome mat.

The same golden future, I regret to say, will face the post-presidential Obamas. But even they wouldn’t have the audacity to claim they’re broke when they check out because they already had about ten million bucks when they checked in, and we taxpayers have been picking up the tab ever since.

Although the Obamas won’t be leaving their current digs for another two-and-a-half years, I think it’s safe to predict that, come January, 2017, while they’ll be far from broke, they’ll still be as morally bankrupt as the day they moved in.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?