Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Gnomes In The News

I recently saw a photo taken during a September event called the People’s Climate March in New York City. There was Jane Goodall in the front rank holding a couple of stuffed toy monkeys, thus making herself more readily recognizable to caption writers who might not otherwise recall that she spent a large portion of her life eating, sleeping and hanging out, with gorillas.

Apparently nothing much has changed because there she was linking arms with such primates as France’s Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius, U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio and none other than the king of the chimps, Al Gore.

I would say that Ms. Goodall enjoyed better company in the old days. But you could readily see why some people are convinced that apes and people are closely related. Looking at De Blasio and Gore, you would almost swear they’re human.

Another name that’s been in the news lately is Bill Cosby, who has cancelled some TV appearances because he doesn’t wish to be asked about the rape accusations that have been hurled his way by a number of women. Frankly, I have no way of knowing if he sexually assaulted all of them or any of them. But what I do know is that back in the 1970s, a friend of mine was Cosby’s publicist and on more than one occasion, when I was in my friend’s office, Cosby, who was already a husband and father, would phone from wherever he was finishing up a gig – often Tahoe or Vegas –to say he was coming to town and to line up some women.

That doesn’t make him a serial rapist, but it does explain why I never bought the wholesome Cosby image used to peddle Jell-O and family values to a gullible public.

Speaking of women, I think someone needs to point out to Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton and Valerie Jarrett, that politics is a rough and tumble game. If you can’t take it, perhaps you should take up macramé. What you don’t get to do is play the game and also referee, tossing a penalty flag for sexism every time you’re forced to play defense. Perhaps if you weren’t so personally offensive, it wouldn’t be necessary. It would also help if your notion of sexism was based on gender and not politics so you didn’t always turn a blind eye to it or even participate when its victims were Republicans like Condoleezza Rice, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.

Is it just me or is everyone sick and tired of hearing about glass ceilings being shattered every time some left-wing female sneezes? I mean, this is 2014, for god’s sake. In case you haven’t been paying attention, women have been ruling nations and commanding armies for centuries. The list includes the likes of Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth I, Joan of Arc, Mary Queen of Scots, Catherine II, Queen Victoria, Indira Gandhi, Benazir Bhutto, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher and Angela Merkel.

For years now, I have regularly been receiving a June, 1920 quote attributed to H.L. Mencken of the Baltimore Sun: “As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folk of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright utter fool and complete narcissistic moron.”

The people who pass it along to me obviously know my opinion of Barack Obama. What they don’t seem to grasp is that the source of the quote obviously had the same elitist contempt for his fellow Americans, whom he identified as boobs, that we’ve now seen time and again from Prof. Jonathan Gruber.

For another thing, Mencken finally fell out of favor, even with the boobs, when he made his affection for Adolf Hitler a little too obvious in the 1930s. And, finally, at the time he wrote those lines, the President was Woodrow Wilson and in a few months would be Warren G. Harding, two of the very worst rodents to have ever planted their rumps in the Oval Office. So, far from being prescient, Mencken was seemingly unaware of what was taking place right under his shnoz.

As for Obama, whom I grant is even worse than Wilson and Harding, in defending his use of executive action to defer the deportation of illegal aliens, he said he had to do what he had to do because Congress wouldn’t do what he wanted. However, for five years, he was telling Hispanic groups that he lacked the constitutional authority to do the very thing he is now threatening.

And because most congressional Hispanics have their lips glued to Obama’s butt, they never asked why he didn’t simply pass legislation during his first two years in office, when the Democrats had a stranglehold on the House and Senate.

But, then, my fellow Jews in Congress never confront Obama over the fact that at the same time he spits on Israel, he invariably plays up to Muslims and Arabs, both here and abroad.

Clearly, at least for Jewish and Latino Democrats, an essential part of the congressional initiation process is voluntary neutering.

By now, we all know that the unemployment rate has become a joke. All people have to do is drop out of the labor market in order to make an 11% unemployment rate appear to be a mere 5.8%. But recently, a poll disclosed that 40% of women, 28% of men and 39% of young people, don’t even want a job. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 93% of all adults (86 million people) who aren’t in the work force don’t wish to be in the work force. And so long as Uncle Barack is willing to redistribute wealth by taxing those who are working to subsidize those who aren’t, that number will only keep growing.

Once the Republican mission in Congress goes from stopping Obama in his tracks to actually doing something to reverse America’s decline, they will have to do something about programs that feed, clothe, house and hospitalize, the able-bodied.

That also includes the millions who have committed fraud in order to receive monthly disability checks. If I were in charge, I would send an inspector to the home of everyone collecting one of those checks. And unless the recipient could prove what particular disability he’s afflicted with, the inspector would be authorized to hit him with a sledge hammer, thus legitimizing his claim.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, November 24, 2014

"Who Needs Amendments" and "Liberals Are All Scaredy Cats"

In the old John Huston movie, “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” when Humphrey Bogart’s Fred C. Dobbs asks to see the badge of the Mexican bandit leader trying to pass himself off as an officer in the Federales, Alfonso Bedoya carved a niche in motion picture history by replying: “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges.”

Barack Obama has now carved a niche in American history by usurping the power of Congress with his recent executive edict which serves to make our immigration laws null and void. And he didn’t have to show anyone any stinking amendments to justify it. To be fair, he had already carved a pretty sizable niche by simply ignoring the most inconvenient aspects of the Affordable Care Act.

What is most troubling about his cavalier attitude towards the Constitution is the way that those on his side of the aisle, including Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, the members of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, the racists at Univision and his usual defenders at Fox, including Alan Colmes and Kirsten Powers, commend him, proving once again that for some on the Left a short term political advantage will always trump the Constitution.

When asked why Obama didn’t do anything about immigration during his first two years in the Oval Office, his hand puppets insist he was too busy working on the Affordable Care Act. But the fact is that with the super majorities he had in the House and Senate, he could have gotten any bill his heart desired written, passed and signed, in 24 hours, let alone 24 months.

I always thought the epitome of selfless loyalty was exemplified by Spicer Lovejoy, Cal Hockley’s henchman in “Titanic.” Even after the mishap with the iceberg, Spicer kept trying to complete his boss’s assignment, which was to make sure Jack Dawson lived only long enough to regret sneaking aboard the doomed ocean liner.

But even Spicer can’t hold a candle to Juan Williams. Even after Obama declared on 25 separate occasions since 2010 that he lacked the constitutional authority to use executive action when it came to illegal aliens, once he did a 180, Williams was first in line to say that of course he not only had the legal authority, but the moral obligation.

It makes you wonder if the Constitution itself were placed on a ballot, if liberals, including Justices Ginsburg, Kagan and Sotomayor, would vote for it. We already know that the First and Second Amendments would never survive the cut.

The most tragic aspect of what will come to be known as the Obama Era is that it divided America in a way that not even the Civil War managed to do. That divided the nation geographically, but Obama has sliced and diced it to such an extent that America is now divided between races, religions, genders and even generations.

The founders fought a revolution, but it wasn’t like those fought in France, Russia and China, which merely exchanged one despot for another. It was a revolution waged on behalf of an idea, the idea being that liberty, the freedom to think one’s own thoughts and pursue one’s own path in life, trumped the government’s power to inflict its will on the individual. One can only imagine how James Madison would shudder at the realization that Americans twice elected a man who made King George appear not only reasonable, but fairly good-natured.

It was King George, remember, who said, upon hearing that George Washington had rejected the American kingship, spurning the royal crown, that if the rumor was true, Washington was the greatest man on the face of the earth. I suspect Emperor Obama would have called Washington a sucker.

What Obama has been attempting to do for the past six years is covered by the German word, gleichschaltung, which means the forced standardization of political, economic and cultural institutions; in short, an authoritarian state. When you rack up all the scandals that have taken place during his reign – everything from Operation Fast & Furious and the targeting of conservatives by the IRS to Benghazi and the amnesty he is now granting to five million illegal aliens -- he has all but ruled the Constitution unconstitutional.

Lest anyone get the silly idea that Obama is only wrong when it comes to domestic issues, after two Palestinians butchered five Jews in an Israeli synagogue, three of whom were Americans, he said, “Too many Israelis have died. Too many Palestinians have died.” Well, at least this time he was half right.

What sort of degenerate, though, finds a moral equivalency between Jews being killed in cold blood and Palestinians who die as a result of Israel’s deciding to put an end to missiles targeting its civilians? What sort of cretin calls Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu a pile of chicken poop, but speaks respectfully to and about President Abbas, who referred to the five murders as “a victory” on his political website and personally lauded the two killers as martyrs? What sort of creep ignores the Palestinians celebrating the axe murders by dancing in the streets and tossing candy to the children?

Finally, I must hand out kudos to William B. Stoecker of Sacramento, CA, who called my Wednesday webcast and raised two questions that even I had never considered. First, he wondered why those – often utility companies – who send you bills always supply you with a return envelope with a little window in it. Sometimes, as he mentioned, the little window is just a cut-out and sometimes it’s covered with a tiny piece of clear plastic. But either way, you are occasionally going to stick the return portion of the bill in backwards so that the address doesn’t show through. At which point, you have to take it out and put it back it in correctly. You are already in a foul mood if you’re anything like me and can’t believe how much water and power costs here in California.

As Stoecker says, “Why don’t they just provide you with a regular envelope that has the return address already printed on it?” Why, indeed? My guess, based on my knowledge of utility companies, is that they love to imagine all the frustrated people who stick the return portion of the bill in backwards.

Stoecker’s other comment was in the form of a question: There are about seven billion people on earth, he pointed out. That is a 10 digit number that looks like this: 7,000,000,000. America’s population is roughly 320,000,000, a nine digit number. So why is it, he’d like to know, that he often receives bills that have as many as 15 digits in the serial number?

These are usually the kinds of things that keep me up nights. Until now, I worried that if I fell by the wayside, there would be no one to carry on in my stead. But now I can rest easy, knowing that Stoecker is up there in Sacramento ready and willing to do the work that Americans usually won’t do.

Liberals Are All Scaredy Cats

There is a very good reason why liberals rarely become cops or join the military. It’s because they could get hurt. They will lie and pretend that it’s because they’re so very smart and prefer careers that call for them to use their brains. But I’m Jewish, so I know a great many liberals first hand. In addition, I live in California where you can’t swing a cat without hitting a bunch of them, which explains why I carry a couple of cats every time I leave the house.

I first became aware of this during the Vietnam War when just about every guy I knew at UCLA suddenly became a devout pacifist. Some of them even preferred falsely identifying themselves as homosexuals -- getting left-wing psychiatrists to confirm their lie – as an easy way out. Anything was better than having army sergeants shout at them or having the Vietcong shoot at them.

Part of the reason they’re cowards is because they are raised to never hit back even if a schoolyard bully is taking their lunch money or their lunch. They’ve never been spanked for misbehaving. Instead, they’ve been given time outs, which involve being sent to their room to meditate on their questionable behavior. Of course it’s not their fault that their rooms resemble a Toys-R-Us warehouse and that their meditations usually take a backseat to their video games.

When riots break out, liberal politicians won’t even allow the police to bash heads because they’re so terrified of being compared to such racists as George Wallace or Bull Connors. But it’s also because to them, all blacks are alike and, therefore, sacred. They are incapable of seeing the difference between blacks who are trying to attend school or eat at a lunch counter and those turning over cars or burning down businesses. Political correctness makes cowards of them all.

A friend of mine thinks that granting amnesty to millions of illegals will force America’s poor -- blacks and Hispanics alike – to realize that the welfare system is about to be overwhelmed. But I think his concerns are groundless. When it comes to doubling the number of people receiving food stamps or forking over billions of dollars to those claiming fraudulent disabilities, all the feds do is alter the plates at the printing presses, changing the denomination on the bills being run off from fives and tens to twenties and fifties. Problem solved.

I think it’s a stretch to call the material that lurks within the skulls of liberals “brains.” It’s more of a mix of mush, straw and horse manure. How else to explain the way Al Gore managed to turn tens of millions into Chicken Littles running around the barnyard clucking, “The earth is heating up!”

Obama, the biggest chicken in the coop, pats himself on the back for getting China to promise to adopt the FEA’s loony limits on industry as their own. Now, really, how stupid does someone have to be to believe that China will do anything that would diminish itself economically or militarily? This is a country that is building warships and submarines at a record pace, and is testing the waters, so to speak, not only in Asia and Africa, but in the Caribbean. We can’t even find out how far along Iran’s nuclear program is or how many chemical weapons Assad is concealing, but Obama is convinced we can hold China to a climate agreement!

It may have escaped Obama’s attention, but China didn’t even cease its cyber-attacks on our government, our military and our industries, while he was prancing around in that silly Mandarin jacket. It’s really not so amazing that he places so much faith in our worst enemies because it has become increasingly clear over the past six years that Obama doesn’t view America’s enemies as his own.

In addition, he has surrounded himself with a great many who share his distaste for America and Americans. The worst of whom is Eric Holder, who would seem more at home smoldering the flames of racial division in Ferguson than he is at the Justice Department.

His likely successor, Loretta Lynch is cut of the same racist cloth and it’s no wonder that she was handpicked by Holder when you learn of her background. While attending Harvard, Ms. Lynch belonged to the Black Law Students Association, which every year she belonged (1981-1984) invited representatives of the Jew-hating, pro-terrorist, Palestinian Liberation Organization to spew anti-Semitic bile on campus.

Lest you think that should be written off as merely youthful folly, more recently Judge Lynch described Voter I.D. as a throwback to the days of Jim Crow.

We are told by those in the know that Ms. Lynch was the most reasonable person on Obama’s short list to replace the vile Eric Holder that conservatives could expect. What does that tell us about the schmuck whose last truthful statement was that he planned to radically transform America?

Finally, I find it all too telling that Joe Biden defended allowing thousands of Central American children to enter the U.S. illegally, claiming it allowed them to “escape the poverty and violence in Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador.”

That pretty much sums up this administration’s approach to foreign policy: Never allow poverty and violence to fester somewhere else when you can bring it along with all those future Democrats to America.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, November 21, 2014

Tax In The Form Of A Billy Club

Taxes have always been something that normal people resented. It’s not simply because the money raised is often wasted by those in power, whether those people happen to be kings, czars or congressmen, but because, as individuals, we resent many of the things our money goes to support.

But something else that everyone should resent is the use of taxes as a means by which those in power can punish others without having to involve judges and juries. For instance, cigarettes, which used to cost 25 cents a pack or $2.50 a carton now sell for $2.50 a pack or $25 a carton. It’s not because the price of tobacco, paper, plastic or cardboard, have increased by 1000%, but because the elitists wish to punish those who smoke. In the same way, they want to punish those who use fossil fuel, so they gouge you at the gas pump every time you fill up.

So it was that while the rest of the nation was busy electing senators and governors this past Nov. 3rd, in Berkeley, CA, the voters, by a 3-1 margin, passed the nation’s first city tax on sugary drinks. New York’s favorite nanny, Mayor Michael Bloomberg managed to ban super-sized sodas, but that merely forced people to buy two 16-ounce cups instead of a single gargantuan 32-ouncer. But even he didn’t add a sin tax to the beverage.

I am not campaigning for sugary drinks and I don’t own stock in Coca-Cola, but I don’t think it’s the job of politicians and bureaucrats to try to dictate legal behavior through the power of the tax.

And, yes, I do understand the argument for the other side. They claim that consumption of these beverages can lead to diabetes and other ailments and that places a drain on medical resources, although nowhere near the drain that ObamaCare does. Moreover, everything leads to something, but in the end nearly everyone lives to be about 75, no matter what they eat or drink.

Heck, anal intercourse can lead to AIDS, but I don’t see Berkeley levying a tax on homosexual activity, although that can also lead to a drain on medical resources. In addition, it happens to be a communicable disease, unlike diabetes.

At least the Berkeley tax was the result of a popular vote passed no doubt by those whose own preference is for coffee or, more likely, pot.

I think most of you know how I feel about third party candidates, but assume I only have the Tea Party in mind. Not true. If I seem to focus on the Tea Party, it’s because I have a vested interest in Republicans voting for Republicans, and not sitting out elections or voting for people like Maness or Sarvis when Republicans are already on the general ballot. But I also include Libertarians, Constitutionalists and the ecology crowd who look for a candidate with a (G) for Green on the ballot.

Third party candidates have no legitimate purpose, although those who vote for them always seem to believe they’re sending one party or another a message. The only message that gets through is that they’re idiots who long ago stood on a dock and waved their hankies in fond farewell as reality sailed away.

I have compared Barack Obama to so many creatures over the years, I was surprised to find I had never compared him to Chanticleer the legendary rooster who was convinced that it was his crowing that brought on the dawn.

Obama is so deluded about himself that in spite of the government-controlled press in China greeting him with insults regarding his brain, his will and his manhood, he believes he handled them and that they will cut back on their industrial expansion and abide by an agreement involving carbon emissions. It never even entered his brain to ask why they would actually do something that was against their national interest. But, then, he also never wondered why Putin would agree to a pact that called for Russia and the U.S. to deplete our nuclear stockpiles.

I suppose the answer must be that when you tell as many lies as Obama, it never enters your mind that others can also play that game.

Speaking of liars, when the video of Jonathan Gruber went viral, I wasn’t the least bit surprised to hear one of the architects of ObamaCare admit that he and everyone else involved in shoving the toxic bill down our throats knew they were lying. What shocked me is that the other academic panelists we saw in the video didn’t display shock, disgust, disapproval or any other natural emotion, as Obama’s favorite professor of economics rattled off exactly how he managed to put one over on stupid Americans.

Recently, when I wrote about Tim Russert’s being the putz who decided that blue would represent Democrats and red would represent Republicans on political maps, even though that was clearly at odds with red having been the color historically associated with communists and socialists, my friend Steve Maikoski sent me an email. He suggested that I begin thinking of blue as being representative of liberals, who typically regard themselves as blue bloods, elitists superior to the rest of us, and red as being representative of red-blooded American patriots who regard the Constitution as a sacred document and not as something written on water that doesn’t mean what it says, but only what some left-wing professor or equally loony judge claims it means.

That would certainly explain why a panel of academics could listen to a spokesperson for this rancid administration brag about telling one whopper after another to the American people and not even blink.

For my part, after spending years attacking the Affordable Care Act and cursing those who turned it into law, I am beginning to change my tune. I still believe it is an abomination, but I also have to credit it with being the major reason that 28 Senate Democrats and about 70 of their House colleagues are now collecting their pensions.

I can’t imagine anything that would have so radically changed the political landscape in America. After the disaster of the 2008 elections, I found myself wondering if the GOP would go the way of the Whigs.

But in their arrogance, the Democrats came up with a 2,000 page bill that was so vile and overreaching that not a single Republican in Congress could bring him or herself to sign on. Compounding matters, when a Republican even suggested an amendment to make it slightly more palatable, Obama, Reid and Pelosi, told him to sit down and shut up. This was their baby and they didn’t want to share paternity with anyone. How odd that a party that champions abortion on demand has gone down in flames because of the one abortion they didn’t perform.

So in a way, Obama has been the best thing to happen to the GOP since Reagan. I mean, even if, in 2009, Obama had dressed up in a Nazi uniform and high heels and started goose-stepping in front of the White House, I don’t think it would have made a bigger or more lasting impression on the American electorate.

Still, I suspect that, fashion-wise, it might have been a better overall look than that cheesy Mandarin coat he modeled in China.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

"A Gruber By Any Name" and "A Survival Plan For The GOP"

If you've been watching Fox recently, you would think Prof. Jonathan Gruber had been given his own show. He’s been on more often than Juan Williams. While normally that would be a good thing, Gruber is no improvement over Obama’s house black.

In case you only watch the major networks, you wouldn’t even know that Gruber existed, let alone that, after helping to create the Affordable Care Act, he spent years bragging about how he helped the Democrats peddle chicken poop to the American people by calling it chicken fricassee.

What fooled me when I first heard about Prof. Gruber was that he was connected to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. In my mind, I connect MIT to very brainy people who know all about science, math and engineering; namely, the college classes you can’t bluff your way through by regurgitating left-wing pap. But then I found out he was a professor of economics, and it all made sense. Economics is to actual science what sausage links are to haute cuisine.

Gruber was paid $390,000 by this administration to provide “impartial” testimony on behalf of ObamaCare to Congress, the Federal Budget Bureau and the media, and millions more for consulting on state exchanges. Inasmuch as he freely admitted that he lied and lied and then lied some more, the arrogant elitist definitely earned his money, while sacrificing his soul.

I’m not sure if he got paid extra to say that Barack Obama’s own series of lies about people being able to keep their doctors and their health plans under the ACA “constituted a profile in courage.” But I would have thought it was worth at least an extra fifty grand, especially as Obama was using our tax dollars.

All in all, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it has to be more than mere coincidence that “Gruber” sounds like “goober” and that Adolf Hitler’s birth name happened to have been Schicklgruber.

The irony is that he did his job so well that in a very real sense, he is one of the people most responsible for the GOP’s taking back control of the House and Senate. If not for all the work Gruber did promoting ObamaCare, Republicans might have been forced to spend the next 40 years wandering in the wilderness.

Ironically, when Gruber repeatedly said Americans are stupid, he was only referring to Democrats. For their part, Republicans, both in and out of Congress, knew from the start that ObamaCare was one huge pile of socialist manure.

Gruber reminds me of every schlemiel in junior high who was convinced he was the smartest kid in school, and based that belief on the fact he was the only boy who didn’t know how to throw a football. It’s now been about 30 years since he was last pantsed and shoved head first into a trashcan. It’s time once again.

Trey Gowdy, one of the shining jewels of the House, in referring to such enormous, power-grabbing pieces of legislation as Dodd Frank, the Affordable Care Act and Obama’s Comprehensive Immigration Reform, suggested that “Comprehensive is Latin for full of bad stuff.”

Speaking of immigration, being American should never be the end result of sneaking across our border in order to give birth. Sneaking in is against the law, and in no other circumstance are people permitted to benefit from the commission of a crime. If that’s too complicated for Obama and the self-righteous members of the Congressional Latino Caucus to grasp, it would be tantamount to an illegal alien robbing a bank and his family getting to keep the money.

What’s more, in 2011, Obama told an audience that he lacked the constitutional authority to grant any form of immunity to illegals. Although he’s done his best to ignore the fact, the Constitution hasn’t changed over the past three years.

Although Chris Christie is one of a very few Republican governors I wouldn’t wish to see on the GOP ticket in 2016, I do appreciate that he did yeoman’s work in helping several of his colleagues get elected or re-elected in the midterms. In appreciation of his service, I will offer him a piece of free advice. While it comes as a breath of fresh air when a politician reacts to hecklers like a normal human being, you should ask some stand-up comic to provide you with a better line than “Sit down and shut up!”

What plays in New Jersey doesn’t work so well on the national stage. So while coming on like a street thug will get you face time on TV, it will not get you to the White House, except as a member of a tour group.

In other news, the FDA has announced it’s lifting its ban on homosexuals donating blood because of what it refers to as “an infinitesimal” chance of the blood being contaminated with the HIV virus. Far be it from me to question their definition of infinitesimal, but is it asking too much that the blood be clearly labeled and only used to transfuse gays and those straights who agree to sign a waiver?

Finally, Barack Obama’s net-neutrality is, as usual, a benign-sounding term to disguise a program intended to squelch conservative twitters. According to Michelle Malkin, while urging the FCC to “keep the Internet free and open,” Obama paid a million dollars to some professor named Filippo Menczer to develop a twitter-snooping database. (Am I the only person who feels a chill run down his spine every time I come across some hooker with a Ph.D servicing this administration?)

Although Prof. Menczer claims he only wishes to eliminate hate speech from the twitter universe, he has proclaimed his support for such left-wing purveyors of hate as Barack Obama’s Organizing for Action,, Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, Amnesty International and True Majority.

Clearly, Prof. Menczer is as politically neutral as Lois Lerner and every bit as fair-minded as George Orwell’s Big Brother.

It sounds to me like we need another trashcan.

A Survival Plan For The GOP

Although England has its own problems, there are things about their political system that I’d like us to adopt. First of all, I wish we, too, had a clear delineation between the royal family and the world of politics. In the U.S., we have combined the two so that the President and his family live like royalty while the President simultaneously serves as the Commander-in-chief and the very partisan head of his Party. It’s simply too much to expect of any one man.

Another aspect of the English system that I prefer is that when the Prime Minister’s policies seem unpopular and he wants to guarantee that he is still leading the nation in the direction it wishes to be led, they conduct a vote of confidence. If the opposition then wins a majority of the seats in Parliament, that party selects a new Prime Minister. After the midterm election results, if we had a similar system in place, there is no way that Obama would remain in power for an additional two years.

Speaking of the midterms, isn’t it high time we got rid of the two month lame duck session? By what right should people who lost their elections in early November remain in office until early January?

Perhaps in the old days, when it could take a long time for the newly elected to reach Washington, D.C., it made sense. But now, when even those who won in Alaska and Hawaii can get to the nation’s capital in a matter of hours, and those who lost can pack up their belongings in even less time, the two-month gap is not only unnecessary, but should be unconstitutional.

In other news, a 2013 video of Jonathan Gruber, an architect of the Affordable Care Act, addressing a panel at MIT recently turned up. Mr. Gruber is heard admitting that he and everyone else involved in pushing ObamaCare down our throats knew they had to lie about it as far back as 2009 in order to get the bill passed. That speaks badly about Obama, Reid, Pelosi and all their trained chimps in Congress, but it also speaks volumes about those voters who elected and then re-elected those same schmucks. But, then, Mr. Gruber did go on in his remarks to concede that the plan probably wouldn’t have worked if Americans weren’t so stupid.

Recently, someone sent me a two-panel cartoon. In the first panel, a reporter is asking Obama: “Why are you planning to grant amnesty to millions of illegals?” Obama replies, “Because they will do the jobs Americans don’t want to do.” In the second panel, the reporter asks: “Like what?” and Obama answers: “Voting for Democrats.”

In another email, a friend asked me why our fellow Jews continue to vote overwhelmingly for liberals, and went on to wonder why American Jews adored FDR, even though he refused to expand immigration for European Jews trying to escape the Nazi ovens and even refused to oblige his Air Force generals who begged to be allowed to bomb the train tracks leading to concentration camps.

I replied “Jews loved FDR because he was the first actual socialist elected to the White House. Some would say that honor belongs to Teddy Roosevelt or Woodrow Wilson, but it was FDR who actually adopted the socialist agenda as his own. It was no accident that between 1908 and 1932, the Socialists kept running presidential candidates, averaging 1.1 million votes in seven elections. But once FDR served his first term, the Socialist candidate never again garnered more than 187,000 votes. In 1948, starting with former FDR V.P. Henry Wallace, the Communists started running their own candidates, calling them Progressives.

When you grasp that for most of my fellow Jews, Liberalism is their true religion, you can begin to fathom why even during the recent tsunami for GOP candidates, 67% of Jewish voters voted the straight Democratic ticket. And that was in spite of the fact that Obama is the most anti-Semitic president we have ever had, dropping the vile Jimmy Carter into second place. Obama is a weasel who has had anti-Semitic mentors like Frank Marshall Davis, Jeremiah Wright and Valerie Jarrett, ever since he was a teenager, so it should come as no surprise that today he curries favor with despots in Russia, Iran and China, but dismisses Israel’s Bibi Netanyahu as a pile of chicken poop.

With 2015 looming on the horizon, when serious presidential candidates will begin making their intentions official, I am prepared to announce that my dream ticket is Scott Walker and Susana Martinez.

By way of explanation, I will point out that both have been successful governors with proven executive ability, having run on their records and been re-elected. In Walker’s case, having had to weather a nasty union-financed recall attempt, he’s actually been re-elected twice.

Geographically, Walker of Wisconsin and Martinez of New Mexico are well-balanced, and both are youthful. At least they are from my perspective. Walker is 47, Martinez is 55. Even when you add their ages together, they’re only 35 years older than Mrs. Clinton.

Inasmuch as I believe that we are best governed by people with executive experience, I prefer to have governors rather than senators or House members in the Oval Office. What sense is there in electing a president whose only experience consists of voting and giving speeches? Besides, we need all the Republicans we can get in Congress. No need to deplete our numbers by having them run for offices above their pay scale.

It might be in bad taste to mention that Gov. Martinez just happens to be a Latina, but the fact remains that it would provide the GOP with a convenient inroad to the Hispanic vote, and would have the added benefit of not having to pander by promoting their own pathetic version of amnesty or the Dream Act.

If you prefer to see two other people running in 2016, let me know by sending your dream ticket to me at

What’s more, I promise to report the results truthfully even if you’re goofy enough to mention people like Jeb Bush, Rick Santorum and Chris Christie.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, November 17, 2014

Not Entirely Idle Thoughts

Some people collect stamps, others collect sea shells, and I collect notions. Unfortunately, unlike those others, I can’t just stick mine in albums or glass jars. I have to stick them in my articles.

First up is illegal immigration. Before Obama or Congress gets around to pulling any stunts, they should enforce the laws already on the books. Nobody is entitled to sneak into our country any more than they have the right to sneak into your house. Anyone caught sneaking in should only be deported after serving a six month stretch in one of those Tent City prisons overseen by Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Nobody lacking a green card should ever be hired. Anyone caught hiring illegals should be sentenced to the same six month term as illegal aliens, giving them ample time to consider the error of their ways.

Every president of a nation south of our border should be compelled to get the word out to his people that the gravy train has been put in mothballs, and anyone caught trying to sneak into Los Estados Unidos will be shot. If they refuse to get the word out, all future aid from the U.S. will be stopped.

As you may have noticed, in his post-election press conference, Obama announced that our mission in the Middle East is to forge a border between Syria and Iraq, thus once again establishing Iraq’s sovereignty. It’s a shame that he is so much more concerned with Iraq’s sovereignty than he is with our own.

As we saw on November 4th, the Democrats attempt to divide the electorate along racial and gender lines didn’t work nearly as well as it has in the past. This is not only a good sign for the GOP, but a better one for America.

When I read that Albert Camus once wrote that “Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity,” I immediately thought of billionaires like Bill Gates, Ted Turner and Warren Buffet, who set up foundations in order to fund left-wing causes, but never consider bestowing huge bonuses on the people whose labor has provided them with their wealth.

I have often had similar thoughts regarding Hollywood big wigs. Some actor who is paid $10 or $20 million to appear in a movie will turn around and, one, condemn capitalism and, two, attend a $35,000-a-plate fundraiser for Barack Obama. What he won’t do is donate a couple of million to the members of the crew, blue collar workers to whom $25,000 would be a massive windfall.

Speaking of actors, I don’t really have a problem with them taking advantage of their First Amendment rights to sound off on things they know nothing about. However, the hypocrisy of people who make more money in a single year than most folks will earn in a lifetime promoting socialism is extremely annoying, as is the parroting of Al Gore’s claptrap about global warming by knuckleheads who never even took high school science. But the First Amendment doesn’t distinguish between the wise and the foolish. On the other hand, as John Kindseth recently reminded me, in 1927, when Jack Warner suggested that Warner Brothers finance “The Jazz Singer,” promoting it as the first sound movie, his brother Harry very sensibly asked: “Who would want to hear actors talk?”

In the wake of the recent elections, my friend Steve Maikoski asked me who came up with the idea of calling liberal states blue and conservative states red when, historically, red was not only the color closely associated with the Soviet Union, but communists and socialists, alike, were commonly referred to as Reds. It took a while, but then I recalled it was the late Tim Russert, who mis-colored the states during the 2000 election. At the time, I assumed he was colorblind, but perhaps he was merely mischievous or stupid.

Will Rogers was regarded as something of a homespun sage when it came to political commentary. Part of the reason is because, like Bob Hope in the 40s and 50s, he was seen as non-partisan, taking good-natured swipes at both parties. In 2014, those innocent days seem as distant as Mars. America has become so polarized over the past few decades, the differences between Democrats and Republicans are wider and deeper than the Grand Canyon. And, sadly, anyone who says he votes for the man and not the party just sounds like a drooling idiot.

Still I believe that something Will Rogers said back then clearly delineates the difference between the two parties. “I would rather,” he said, “be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.” From my perspective, the Democrats are always trying to sell someone a bridge they don’t own and, too often, Republicans are the ones pulling out their checkbooks.

Finally, I’d like to pay my respects to Tom Magliozzi, who recently died at the age of 77. For years, he and his brother Ray hosted a radio show I loved called “Car Talk.” What made this rather extraordinary is, one, the show was on NPR, the home of everything left-wing and, two, the show consisted of people calling in seeking advice about their cars. Considering that I hate everything associated with the Left and that my disinterest in cars is rivaled only by my disinterest in golf, Brittany Spears and the accordion, my having been a fan astonishes even me.

But the Magliozzis never talked politics, at least not while I was listening, and they were very funny. From personal experience, I know it’s pretty easy to get laughs when your subject is Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, or when you’re writing dialogue for Hawkeye Pierce or Lou Grant, but being able to get laughs about cars is a rare gift.

But there were times when Tom would expand his subject matter, as when he disclosed the secret of his successful marriage: “I know I’m always right, but it’s more important to be happy. So whenever my wife and I disagree, I tell her she’s right. As a result, she thinks I’m a big dummy, but she loves me anyway. So I’m happy.”

I’ll miss Tom, but at least now God will know whom to turn to the next time He needs a good laugh or has trouble with His carburetor.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, November 14, 2014

"2016 Is Just Around The Corner" and "Now Let's Get Things Undone"

With the next presidential election less than two years away, it’s not too soon to get a few things straight. Although Reince Priebus has already mentioned some worthwhile changes in the way we end up with a nominee, including a shorter campaign season, an earlier convention and a ban on liberals moderating the debates, there are a few more items I would suggest.

First of all, before allowing any of the GOP hopefuls to take the stage, I would insist they sign a contract vowing to actively support the eventual nominee. Next, I would insist they all honor Ronald Reagan’s 11th Commandment, not to speak ill of a fellow Republican. After all, when it comes to insulting politicians, none of them do it as well as I, and they should leave it to the professionals.

For another thing, there is a better way to show that you differ from, say, Rick Santorum or Chris Christie, without calling the first a sanctimonious creep or pointing out that the latter helped Obama win in 2012 by doing everything after Hurricane Sandy but promising to have his baby.

Finally, I would require every potential candidate to drop out of the competition if, after half a dozen primaries, they hadn’t won any. The only thing that results from people like Newt Gingrich hanging around is that it depletes the GOP war chest and it gives Democrats additional time in which to make the eventual nominee as toxic as West Africa.

In other words, it is high time we started taking the process seriously and not simply roll out the welcome mat for every mediocrity who seeks the spotlight the way a moth seeks the flame.

Just when you think how lucky we are to have Canada as a next door neighbor, they go out of their way to drive the point home. I mean, here is a nation led by a brilliant conservative prime minister named Stephen Harper, but you don’t see them rubbing in the fact that they have Harper at the helm and we’re stuck with our own Captain Ahab, who’s obsessed with harpooning America. Instead, lest we feel totally demoralized, Toronto re-elects crack cocaine addict Rob Ford to the city council. It’s as if Canada is saying, “See? We’re not so darn perfect.”

Frankly, I’m amazed that there are still people who doubt that Hillary Clinton will be running in 2016. Normal kids start out thinking they want to be firemen or cowboys, rock stars or famous models, but Hillary has wanted to be President since she took her first baby steps. Her first words, I can assure you were not “mama” or “dada,” but “Me want power.”

A question that recently occurred to me was whether Obama ever played golf before he became president and no longer had to pay the greens fee. We all know that in his pathetic attempt to pass for an American, he smoked a lot of dope and played a great deal of basketball. But when did he take up golf? And is there an amendment to the Constitution I’m unaware of that dictates that everyone who occupies the Oval Office has to spend so many hours a week working on his swing?
Speaking of the twit in the White House, over the years I have often heard people say “Obama” when they meant to say “Osama,” and vice versa. Lately, I keep hearing them confuse “Obama” and “Ebola,” and vice versa. I used to think it was just an embarrassing coincidence, but I’m beginning to think not.

With West Africa so much in the news lately, I’m beginning to think that after exporting Obama, AIDS and Ebola, it might be time to quarantine the whole damn continent.

Just as a sign of good faith, wouldn’t it be nice if once in a while race hustlers like Eric Holder, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, stopped ganging up on white people and, instead, took a moment to say a few honest words about the late Michael Brown? Whatever else may have transpired between him and Officer Darren Wilson, we know the 320-pound thug was high on marijuana and had just shoved around a store clerk while ripping off a box of cigars.

Or if that’s asking for too much, perhaps they could find it in their hearts to chastise the other black hoodlums in Ferguson, MO, who took advantage of a tense situation in order to rob, burn and vandalize? Or perhaps they might take a moment out of their busy lives to admonish the black Muslims who have recently been murdering soldiers and cops in Canada and New York?

While appearing on Megyn Kelly’s Fox show, John Coleman, founder of the Weather Channel and world renown climatologist, not only labeled global-warming an enormous hoax, but revealed that Al Gore, who has made a billion dollars off his part in promoting the con, took one science class in college…and received a D. How’s that for an inconvenient truth?

Finally, 17 years after taking up residence under Bill Clinton’s desk, Monica Lewinsky, 41, wants the world to know that her feelings were hurt when, among other things, she was called a whore, a tramp, a slut, a tart, a bimbo, a floozy, a skank and a spy.

Even I can understand why she would have been upset. She definitely wasn’t a spy.

Now Let's Get Things Undone

So far as I’m concerned, the Republicans received a mandate, not to plow ahead with some hastily cobbled programs, but to try to undo what Obama has done over the past half dozen years. I realize that “Can Undo!” doesn’t compare with “Can Do!” as a call to arms, but it’s what’s most needed at this time.

Besides, until 2016, when some Republican or other will teach Hillary Clinton one final political lesson, there isn’t a great deal of legislation that the Republicans could get past Obama’s veto.

There are those who believe that the GOP tsunami will work to Hillary’s advantage because she will be able to base her campaign on opposition to a Republican House and Senate. That will be quite a trick because it would involve siding with Obama, which she has gone to great lengths to avoid doing.

The truth is that Hillary is in an untenable position. On the one hand, she was Obama’s hand maiden for four years and apparently never differed with him on foreign policy; at least not to the extent that led her to resign on principle. Also, she lied about Benghazi, which makes her an accomplice in the cover-up of four American deaths.

On the other hand, if she voices her disagreement with the way Obama has handled things, she risks offending the 40% of the people, which translates to 80% of Democrats, who still think he’s been doing a swell job. She also risks having Obama swing his support to, say, Elizabeth Warren, who happens to be younger, more attractive, a better speaker, and a far more pleasant and intelligent version of Hillary. Warren is equally loony in her politics, but she carries a lot less baggage than Hillary, who, by this time, carries more than a team of redcaps.

At this point, aside from the dyed-in-the-wool Progressives, everyone else in America is convinced Obama is radioactive. That’s why even his most ardent fans in the Senate didn’t want him campaigning on their behalf. The conditions aren’t identical, but in 1974, in the midst of the Watergate scandal, Barry Goldwater paid a visit to the White House and told Richard Nixon that, for the good of the nation and of the Republican Party, it was time for him to vacate the premises.

Far be it from me to give the Democrats advice, but if I were someone like Chuck Schumer or even Harry Reid, I would pay Barack Obama just such a visit. I’m not suggesting that Obama, whose narcissism is as legendary as his arrogance, would agree to pack up, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And for a Democrat, I can’t imagine things could be more desperate than they are at this very minute.

The irony of the recent elections was that they finally fulfilled Obama’s promise in 2008 to be the Great Uniter. Although as he said, he wasn’t on the ballot, his policies were. And they served to unite Americans in a way I had no longer thought possible.

I know that the Democrats have tried to draw comfort from the fact that it was only a midterm election when many people elected to stay home. They were claiming that as a result, a huge portion of their base – the silent two-thirds Obama referred to in his post-election press conference – didn’t turn out. But even that turned out to be another lie. According to the postmortems, the percent of black and female votes was only one percentage point less than the turnout in 2012.

To me, the biggest mystery to come out of the midterms took place in Minnesota, where, in 2008, Al Franken wound up pulling ballots out of his butt in order to become the state’s junior senator. But this time around, he cruised to victory, crushing Mike McFadden by 200,000 votes. I know it gets cold in Minnesota, but did a million people simultaneously suffer a brain-freeze?

What we did see was that once again, those who support third parties, while insisting that the two major parties are identical, exist only to remind us of the thin line that divides sanity from lunacy. If everyone just tried a little harder to find Republicans or Democrats to vote for, we’d all be a lot better off.

Third party supporters like to say they’re sending a message to one party or the other; but it’s generally the GOP. And whether they’re voting for Maness in Louisiana or Sarvis in Virginia, their sole role is as spoiler and, therefore, the only message that’s coming through loud and clear is: “We’re a bunch of dopes.”

In Virginia’s 2013 gubernatorial election, Libertarian Robert Sarvis sucked up 6.52% of the vote, enabling Terry McAuliffe (D) to defeat Ken Cuccinelli (R) 47.76% to 45.23%. This year, he only managed to receive 2.45%, but even that was enough to ensure victory for Democrat Mark Warner, 49.05% over Republican Ed Gillespie 48.50%.

In conclusion, I’ll remind you that Edward Everett Hale (1822-1909), publisher, minister and blood kin to both Nathan Hale and Helen Keller, when asked if he prayed for U.S. Senators, said, “No, I look at U.S. Senators and pray for the country.”


©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

"The Nanny Media" and "Que Sera Sera"

We all know that Obama’s federal government wants to control us from the cradle to the early grave mandated by the Affordable Care Act, but they wouldn’t have nearly so easy a time of it if it weren’t for the complicit media. As I have said in the past, if I could control the media, I’d be willing to let the Democrats control the House.

I mean, look at the fawning way the media continues to treat Hillary Clinton even after she first boasted about how impoverished she and Bill were in 2001, at least for the first two seconds after leaving the White House before $20 million in book advances took effect, and then stated that “companies and corporations don’t create jobs.” If a potential Republican presidential candidate had tried to get away with such unmitigated nonsense, the media would turn him or her into a laughingstock. They managed to do it with Sarah Palin, even though the line about being able to see Russia from her front porch was delivered by Tina Fey during a “Saturday Night Live” sketch and never by Mrs. Palin.

Speaking of Mrs. Clinton, someone sent me a cartoon depicting Hillary as the Wicked Witch of the West melting after Dorothy splashed her with a bucket of water. It could explain why the person often described as the Smartest Woman in the World has so far refrained from accepting the ice bucket challenge.

According to a recent study, the estimate of non-citizen votes in 2008 was 1.2 million, which was believed to represent 6.4%, of illegal aliens. Having taken math when it was still taught in the public schools, I was able to determine that rather than the oft-repeated 11million “living in the shadows,” the number would actually be 19 million. And, frankly, since the same 11 million figure has been kicking around for about 20 years by those looking to grant them amnesty, I expect the actual number is closer to 25 million.

Even though we know for a fact that a great many of those who have been released from Guantanamo by Bush and Obama returned to the war zone and have been killing Americans for the past several years, I have no idea why we ever bother capturing Islamic terrorists. It’s not as if when they capture our soldiers, they place them in POW camps. They don’t have POW camps. They only have mass graves. So I will support Obama’s plan to close Gitmo, but only if its inmates are sent off to their perverted Paradise and not back to the war zone.

As my readers know, I am a proponent of capital punishment, not merely for murderers, but for rapists and child molesters. My reason in those cases is revenge for the victims. But I would also execute those who were guilty of perpetrating election fraud. One reason is that I think that anyone subverting the election process deserves to die because he is attempting to disenfranchise legitimate voters of their most precious constitutionally guaranteed right. My other reason is because I believe such a punishment could actually deter those contemplating this form of villainy, whereas I’m not at all sure it works with those depraved enough to kill, rape or molest, the innocent.

I find it singularly bizarre, even for Obama, that the same Commander-in-chief who refuses to have boots on the ground in Iraq, Syria or Iran, in order to combat Islamic terrorism, has no problem sending 3,000 soldiers to Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone, to combat Ebola, although the former falls within their job description and the latter doesn’t.

When you hear knucklehead Ben Affleck claim that only a few bad apples are guilty of Islamic terrorism, it’s easier to take than when fellow knuckleheads like George Bush and Barack Obama spouted the same foolishness. But the irony is that super knucklehead Bill Maher got into trouble with his own demented base when he had the temerity to argue the point with Affleck.

So it was that after inviting fulltime Christian-basher Maher to be the commencement speaker at UC Berkeley, 3,000 students signed a petition uninviting him. I suppose this means that in the future, Maher will stick to insulting Christians and lay off those marvelous peace-loving Muslims.

How nutty is California? Well, Jerry Brown and his flying monkeys up in Sacramento recently set aside $9.2 million so that state universities can subsidize illegal aliens, and another $3 million with which illegal aliens can pay attorneys to assist them in fighting deportation.

Speaking of which, the Mexican who recently killed two sheriff deputies had been deported twice after being arrested on drug charges. The truth of the matter is that threatening to deport Hispanic criminals in lieu of jailing or shooting them is about as effective as threatening to throw Br’er Rabbit in the briar patch.

Apple’s CEO Tim Cook has announced that he’s not only a homosexual, but proud to be one. It’s the pride that confuses me, even though his rationale is that being gay has taught him what it’s like to be a member of a minority and has made him tougher. He even thanks God for making him a homosexual. Frankly, that strikes me as terribly naïve. As I see it, when you’re as wealthy as Mr. Cook, you can easily afford to pay other people to be tough on your behalf. For another, I suppose being short and bald in a nation where most people are neither makes me a member of a minority. But it would never enter my mind to be particularly proud of it or to consider sending God a thank-you note.

Our little dog Angel hates the mailman with a vengeance and starts barking her head off every time he slips his daily offerings through the slot in our front door. It’s as if she’s convinced he’s trying to contaminate our living space. And inasmuch as his delivery consists almost entirely of bills, flyers and letters pleading for donations to the likes of Ben Carson, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich, I share her displeasure.

But the other day, I found myself listening to her bark, which sounds as if it’s being made by a dog three or four times her size, and wondering if it fools other dogs. I also wondered if dogs can tell each other’s gender by their barks, the way we can usually determine gender by our voices. I realize that if I were a congressman, I could get a study funded for about $750,000 in tax dollars to find out the answer, but I can’t and, being a conservative, I wouldn’t. But if anyone knows the answer, please send me an email.

Finally, whatever else you say about this administration, you can never accuse its members of lacking gall. Imagine someone in the inner circle of the White House actually having the chutzpah to call Bibi Netanyahu a big pile of chicken poop.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever had a more intimate relationship with the stuff than Barack Obama. And that definitely includes Colonel Sanders.

Que Sera Sera

In the words of an old tune introduced by Doris Day in “The Man Who Knew Too Much,” what will be, will be. I am writing this three days before the mid-term elections. The polls suggest that the GOP will wrest control of the Senate from Harry Reid’s sweaty grasp, but they also indicate that in several races, the Democrat is running 10-15% ahead of Obama’s approval numbers. If you were ever in doubt, this alone should convince you that millions of our fellow citizens are fatheads.

I mean, when Obama’s approval numbers range between 30 and 40%, when 60% of the nation believe America is going to hell in a hand basket, and, yet, those who have voted for Obama’s policies 97% of the time still have a good chance of being re-elected, contagion by Ebola is the least of our problems.

In one of my recent polls, I asked if the GOP would gain control of the Senate, and, if so, would it make any difference. A number of the Tea Party faithful thought we’d recapture the Senate, but it would make no difference at all, and took offense when I referred to them as misguided. Even though I pointed out that at the very least, Obama would finally be compelled to veto House bills and could no longer pretend the House was filled with “obstructionists,” and that he would be prevented from placing any more Kagans or Sotomayors on the Supreme Court, they still insisted it didn’t matter.

Now as you all know, I’m a live-and-let-live sort of guy. But when the Tea Party muddied the waters in Louisiana, where Bill Cassidy was trying to defeat three-term Sen. Mary Landrieu, by placing a second Republican candidate, Rob Maness, on the ballot, it merely ensured that Cassidy wouldn’t be able to avoid a runoff by receiving the necessary 50% of the vote.

In spite of Sarah Palin’s prediction that Maness would win the election, the reality is that Cassidy will be forced to run and win all over again in December. By that time, with control of the Senate possibly in the balance, the DNC will be able to flood the state with money and high-profile Democrats, including not only the Clintons and a gaggle of actors and rock stars, but will very likely manage to roll out the late Huey Long for a few meet-and-greet barbecues.

At times I’ve been asked if I’m not afraid of offending disenchanted Democrats and so-called Independents by never pulling my punches when it comes to ridiculing liberals, and even throwing the occasional jab at Tea Partiers. The answer is that I’m not even slightly fazed. I’m not a politician trolling for votes, so I can afford to be honest. I seek only to enlighten and amuse.

The reason I write so often is because I sincerely believe those on the Left are out to destroy America, to fundamentally change what, at most, required only a little tweaking. But even writing as often as I do, and covering a variety of items in each piece, I keep falling behind. What’s more, I suspect that would be the case even if I concentrated all my efforts to exposing Eric Holder, the vilest and most dangerous racist in America, and the toxic dump he has made of the Justice Department.

As for my relationship to the Tea Party, I happen to share their beliefs, just not their stubborn agenda. I wish everyone agreed with my politics and theirs, but I know that’s not the case. Therefore, I always say that philosophically, I’m a conservative. But, politically, I’m a Republican, which means I will always vote for the Republican candidate in a general election. And when, as in Louisiana, there are two Republicans on the same ballot, I will vote for the one I’m convinced is able to defeat the Democrat.

I even vote early by mail because I realize that at some point everybody dies, and I wouldn’t want to pass away just before Election Day and miss out on the chance to vote against the Democrats. In fact, the only drawback to being a Republican is that, unlike those on the Left, we don’t get to keep on voting long after we’ve been buried.

The fact is I used to be a Democrat. Having been raised in the home of Russian-Jewish immigrants, how could it have been otherwise? But thanks to Jimmy Carter, I finally came to my senses just as the Party took leave of its own.

We’ve gone from being a nation of, by and for the people, to one that is of, by and for, the political hacks and their multitude of hand maidens contaminating the federal bureaucracy. In particular, the folks at the EPA and the IRS would have been right at home in the old Soviet Union, dancing to Stalin’s tune.

If I had been running a GOP Senate race, I would have produced a TV ad in which the Democrat’s face would have morphed into that of Harry Reid, and then into Obama’s mug, before reverting to his own. For as Obama said on two separate occasions, no matter how much space Senate Democrats tried to put between themselves and the President, his policies were on every ballot.

Recently, Hillary Clinton told a cheering crowd of liberal dolts that “companies and corporations don’t create jobs.” And because her staff is apparently as dumb and as lazy as the slackers who comprise her base, it took them three days to get around to explaining she didn’t really mean what she said.

It’s bad enough that Mrs. Clinton made such an utterly stupid remark, but it must have been particularly galling to the folks at NBC after they’d gone to the trouble of creating a $600,000-a-year job specifically for Chelsea.

It is now three days later. It’s Election Night and I can not only breathe more easily, but my unlikeliest fantasies have been exceeded. The GOP has gained control of the Senate, no matter what happens in Virginia and Alaska, and Harry Reid, like one of Cinderella’s coachman as the clock struck midnight, has been transformed back into a mouse with a rotten personality.

The GOP has apparently picked up a dozen seats in the House and have even added to their governorships, not only defeating Charley Crist in Florida, but Jimmy Carter’s grandson in Georgia.

But, perhaps most satisfying of all, they unseated the incumbent governor in Illinois, in spite of both Obamas campaigning for Pat Quinn, and the Republicans won in Arkansas, although both Clintons figured their charisma alone could carry Mike Beebe across the finish line.

As the Clintons and the Obamas have shown repeatedly in the past, their coattails are even shorter than those of Batman’s arch nemesis, the umbrella-wielding Penguin.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, November 10, 2014

Buckle Up For A Bumpy Ride

Anyone who believes that the GOP will have a newly chastened Obama to deal with in 2015 must be living in one of those states where marijuana was recently legalized. After all, the same guy who referred to the 2010 midterms as a shellacking for the Democrats dismissed the even more impressive 2014 drubbing with a shrug and “The Republicans had a good night.”

As for the two-thirds of registered who didn’t bother voting, Obama said, “I hear you.” At first, that struck me as truly bizarre. The schmuck hears what people who aren’t talking are saying? But then I took a look at those ears of his and decided that, like our dog Angel, who apparently has the ability to hear the mailman even when he’s three houses away, Obama’s jug handles aren’t merely decorative.

Furthermore, he let us know that his idea of compromise was for the Republicans to tell him which of his bills and policies they were ready to support. Compromise should be the last thing on the minds of Boehner and McConnell. After all, they just received a mandate that dwarfs the one Obama boasted he had after winning a squeaker in 2012. And in 2009, lest we forget, the Great Compromiser took his rightful place at the top of the list of Bad Losers. Or as one of my readers, Algirdas Carneckis, put it, “I would love to be there to hear John McCain tell Obama: ‘We won, you lost.’”

One lesson I assume the Democrats learned after Mark Udall in Colorado and Wendy Davis in Texas got thumped is that the phony GOP War on Women is officially over and, happily, its last two victims were those who waged it incessantly.

Fortunately, the GOP ran gaffe-free campaigns. The only wrong note that I was aware of was an email signed by Sarah Palin, seeking contributions to help Rob Maness win the Senate race in Louisiana. It arrived the day after Maness received 14% of the vote, running a distant third to Landrieu and Cassidy.

On the other hand, Tea Party favorites Rand Paul, Mike Lee, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, all did themselves proud, campaigning far and wide for Republicans of every persuasion.

I also received an email from a friend of mine, letting me know that I should rejoice because 33% of my fellow Jews actually voted for Republican candidates. It seems that in midterms, we average just 26% and that 2014 marked a 30 year high. That sound you hear is me pounding my head against a wall.

If I were John Boehner or Mitch McConnell, I would urge House and Senate Republicans to pass every bill on their wish list along to the White House. Give America a chance to see Obama in action, vetoing legislation that calls for finally closing the border; drilling for oil on federal land; building the Keystone pipeline; cutting corporate taxes; deconstructing the Affordable Care Act; whittling the EPA down to a manageable size; getting the federal government out of the education racket; and bulking up the military and using it to actually win any war in which we have a legitimate reason to be engaged.

Obama has spent four years damning the House Republicans as obstructionists, claiming they’re the reason nothing got done. Now that he can no longer use Harry Reid as his own personal goalie, making sure that legislation he dislikes never reaches the Senate floor, let alone his desk, even the dumbest liberals will get a gander at what true obstructionism looks like.

If Obama carries through on his threat to make illegal Latinos legal, House Republicans can retaliate by cutting funding for the Democratic base’s pet projects, and they should start with Planned Parenthood and the National Endowment of the Arts. In fact, they should do that even if Obama backs off on his threat.

I know that the Democrats keep trying to convince us that open borders are the main concern of Hispanics. I don’t believe it. Their chief concern is the economy, and additional cheap labor only serves to undercut their earning power.

After all, Mexico is nearby. If they miss their relatives so damn much, they can always go down and visit them.

The folks who really champion illegal aliens are Latino politicians who are looking to inflate their influence; the Catholic Church, which seeks to fill its pews and collection plates; and the folks --Democrats and Republicans, alike – who own hotels, restaurants and large farms, and want a steady flow of cheap labor.

Those who have a vested interest in keeping the borders porous portray those of us who argue that a sovereign nation either maintains control of immigration or it is no longer a sovereign nation as racists. Their contention is that we simply hate Mexicans and Central Americans and wouldn’t be at all concerned if the illegal aliens were all from Sweden. Well, the fact is that we now have upwards of 20 million illegal Hispanics in America. To give you a better sense of that number, if every person living in the Nordic nations – Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland and Norway -- packed up today and moved, lock, stock and leverpastej, to America, the total number would only be 25 million.

We keep hearing we shouldn’t shut down our borders, even though every other nation on earth regards protecting its homeland as its first order of business, and that these Hispanics are all hard-working and wish to pay their own way. But the fact is they don’t; most of them depend entirely or in great part on the largesse of American taxpayers for their health care, their schooling and their welfare checks. Even if you ignore the numbers who are involved in crime, there is still a perception in their ranks that America is one big juicy piñata.

Finally it is time to report the results of the latest Prelutsky poll, which asked respondents whether they identify themselves as Tea Party or Republican.

I heard from 141 readers, 129 of whom called themselves Republicans; a dozen, Tea Partiers. It should be said that at least 40 of the 129 had kind words to say about the Tea Party. The general feeling, at least from those who let me know they are true conservatives, was that the Tea Party serves to keep the GOP from veering too far away from basic constitutional principles.

The main objection, one I happen to share, was that those in the Tea Party too often appear to despise Republican moderates more than they do Progressives, and instead of following the sterling example of Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio and Mike Lee, and displaying a united front on Election Day, often seem willing to stay home and allow Democrats free rein to destroy America.

As I see it, if you’re unwilling to settle for what you regard as the lesser of two evils, you are, it seems pretty clear, encouraging the greater.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, November 7, 2014

"The Midterm Miracles" and "Axes Of Evil"

Perhaps because I define myself myself as a optimistic pessimist or a pessimistic optimist, I was blindsided by the election results. As much time as I devoted to poring over the Senate races, I just couldn’t see how the GOP could wind up with more than 51.

Perhaps, best of all, the liberals can’t carry off their narrative, which was that they lost the Senate only because of the map. Anticipating defeat, they wanted to pretend it was simply because they happened to have so many Senate seats at risk in certain Republican-leaning states. But, thanks to God and in good part to Barack Obama, who has done so very much to destroy the Democratic brand, we even won gubernatorial races in Illinois, Maryland and Massachusetts.

In the end, it wasn’t the map that defeated the Democrats, it was the American people. It was as if the Democrats went to a doctor for a physical and were told they had a terminal disease. And when they said they wanted a second opinion, the doctor told them they were also stupid.

One of my favorite races took place in Florida where Charlie Crist lost in his race for governor, meaning he can now get back to doing what he was born to do; namely work on his year-round tan and romance rich elderly widows.

But the list of great things that happened on November 4th is endless. For instance, political legacies took a thumping. In Georgia, where Sam Nunn’s daughter and Jimmy Carter’s grandson were running for the Senate and the governorship, they both lost. In Colorado, Udall lost. In Louisiana, Landrieu will lose in the December runoff. She always was going to lose, but thanks to a Tea Party candidate sucking off votes from the winner of the GOP primary, she will now be running when everyone in the state knows she will be a complete nonentity in the minority party. Even when she chaired the Senate Energy Committee, she was unable to get Obama to sign off on the Keystone pipeline, so who needs her keeping a seat warm in a GOP-controlled Senate?

Certainly among the priceless memories of the election was seeing Illinois electing a Republican governor in spite of both Obamas showing up to campaign for loser Pat Quinn, and seeing Arkansas elect a Republican governor and senator in spite of the Clintons campaigning for losers Mike Ross and Mark Pryor. As the four of them have shown in the past, their coattails are even shorter than those of Batman’s arch nemesis, the Penguin.

On Election Night, one of the highlights was listening to the various Fox News contributors, including Charles Krauthammer, Bret Baier and Steve Hayes, taking turns ridiculing Juan Williams after he insisted it wasn’t a wave election for the GOP. Come to think of it, I don’t know who took the final results the hardest – Barack Obama, Harry Reid or Barack’s favorite lawn jockey, Juan Williams.

Speaking of Fox, I sometimes amuse myself by imagining what the Fox males would look like if, like their female colleagues, they all had to dye their hair blonde. I guarantee that even Geraldo Rivera, Alan Colmes, Juan Williams and Bob Beckel, are a lot easier to take if you can pull it off.

Although I’m sure the Democrats will try to play down the results, insisting as they have all along, in concert with the NY Times, that the elections were about nothing. But they were actually about quite a bit. For one thing, it was about stopping Obama in his tracks before he succeeded in totally destroying America. By all rights, the voters should have come to that conclusion a lot sooner – preferably when they had the option of Mitt Romney – but better late than never.

It was also about the GOP learning how to come up with candidates who didn’t embarrass themselves or the Party. This time around, unlike 2012, we weren’t stuck with anyone insisting she wasn’t a witch or a couple of nincompoops who tried explaining the difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape.

After guaranteeing that Rob Maness would be the shocker of the evening by defeating both Mary Landrieu and Bill Cassidy for the Senate seat in Louisiana -- and his winding up a distant third, Sarah Palin proved that allowing one’s ego to trump reality is a really dumb idea whether you’re shooting elk or trying to elect unelectable candidates.

One of the major takeaways from the elections was that even low-information voters don’t like being lied to, whether it’s Obama’s claiming we could keep our doctors and our medical insurance and that Republicans hate women or his stooges in Congress, all of whom have had their lips glued to his rump for nearly six years, suddenly claiming they couldn’t pick the schmuck out of a police lineup.

For my part, I have been euphoric ever since the 4th. Living, as I do, in California, jubilation is not an emotion I’m accustomed to experiencing in the aftermath of elections.

In spite of the fact that I don’t drink and I don’t smoke pot, I feel as if I’m floating on air. I’m not even on Cloud 9, people, I’m on Cloud 78. The truth is I can barely see Cloud 9 from this high up.

Axes of Evil

In New York City, yet another black convert to the Religion of Peace named Zale Thompson went after a few cops with an axe, which mirrors the way Mohammad, himself, went about converting infidels. It also suggests that Mr. Thompson might have misunderstood those two cheerleaders for Islam, George Bush and Barack Obama, and thought he was converting to the Religion of Pieces.

No doubt Obama will label the event workplace violence rather than Islamic terrorism because it was, one, violent and, two, the cops were working. It should remind us that while Obama may not be a Muslim, as some people insist, he certainly has a soft spot in his heart and his head for those who are.

It also serves as a segue to a debate I recently had with one of my readers. In one of my articles, I had written a defense of capital punishment, and he took exception to it. His initial objection was based on the fact that over the years, a number of innocent people have been executed. I argued that the number has been inflated by those who oppose capital punishment, and who feel that their morality trumps the facts. Moreover, with DNA used so often to convict or acquit, I expect miscarriages of justice are even less likely.

Lest I think he was a typical sob sister, he let me know that he believed a life behind bars was worse than an execution. I disagreed. Perhaps if a life sentence meant solitary confinement, he’d be right, but it doesn’t, so he’s wrong. Prisoners get to play basketball, work out in the gym, watch TV, read books and even engage in conjugal visits. The last I heard, Charles Manson’s friend Tex Watson had sired four little Watsons while behind bars.

He also pointed out that execution tends to be painful. I honestly don’t care about that, and see no moral reason why those who have tortured and murdered people who have done them no harm should be provided with the same painless deaths we offer to our beloved cats and dogs. Besides, those engaged in the anti-capital punishment movement are always bringing the pain factor into the argument, using the electric chair, hangman’s noose, firing squads and even the gas chamber as reasons to get rid of the practice. As a compromise measure, I am willing to let the painless Guillotine do the job for which it was invented.

I concluded by pointing out that polls indicate that a majority of people approve of capital punishment. But trial lawyers, left-wing judges and Eric Holder, have chosen to emphasize the notion that it is often poor defendants and blacks who make up a majority of those executed. That’s intended to prove the system is weighted against them, while the rest of us are supposed to ignore the inconvenient fact that those are the very people who commit most murders.

The hypocritical lawyers even try to use the fact that many defendants spend decades on Death Row, never knowing when their time will run out, as an excuse to eliminate the penalty. A more sensible solution is to limit the number of appeals to one, and insisting that the basis of the appeal involves new evidence.

I heard from another reader who agreed with my take on the so-called Noble Savage, which is that more often than not the native North American tribes were certainly savage, but rarely noble, and could literally be described as blood-thirsty, based on their cannibalistic diet.

His sarcastic conclusion was “If only we could all live in peaceful harmony with nature…” To which I replied in kind: “Ah, yes, where only the animals slaughter each other, and where Mother Nature sometimes wakes up cranky and unleashes a tidal wave or an earthquake, ignites a volcano or introduces some version of the Bubonic Plague.”

Speaking of plagues, proving that she is a worthy successor to Obama, who once famously said, “If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build it,” Hillary Clinton told an appreciative audience of liberal loons, “Don’t let anyone tell you that businesses create jobs.”

That reminds me that someone sent out a hoax message announcing that Deanne Favre, the wife of former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, was going to be the new Packers coach. She based her qualifications on the fact that she has been married to a Hall of Fame quarterback, even though she has never played a single quarter of football. The point of the hoax was that Hillary is essentially seeking the presidency based on her own marriage license.

What else qualifies her? As First Lady, she tried and failed to push through HillaryCare. As a senator, she did nothing but manage to add an elective office to her resume. As Secretary of State, she pushed a re-set button with Russia, oversaw Obama’s military withdrawal from Iraq and was at least a co-conspirator in the deaths of four Americans in Benghazi and the subsequent cover up.

At least Mrs. Favre is a looker!

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?