Note: This is the LAST of Burt's old system of articles that will appear on this blog. Because of its costs, Burt has gone to a private subscription system for his three articles each week. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org for the particulars.
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The nuclear deal with Iran sounded terrible from the start. But then, against all odds, it just kept getting worse. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Obama and Kerry were willing to pay Iran $150 billion in exchange for merely signing the agreement, it has now come to light that in one of the side arrangements, we have agreed to allow Iran to monitor itself!
I’m old enough to remember the scandal in 1976 when a large number of cadets at West Point were discovered to be cheating on tests. And unlike the Ayatollah and his cronies both in Tehran and Washington, D.C., West Pointers tend to be men of honor.
But apparently, like George W. Bush, who famously gazed into the eyes of the former KGB butcher, Vladimir Putin, and claimed to see his very soul -- an object that Putin had long ago signed over to Satan -- Obama sees something nobody else sees who looks into the reptilian eyes of the Ayatollah Khamenei.
Meanwhile, the director of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), Yukiya Amano, assures us that the agreement doesn’t really mean what it says. Amano is the sort of bureaucratic scuzball who has spent his life in the shadowy world of diplomacy.
Like others of his ilk, he winds up working in a fancy building with a high-flown title, a generous salary and an even larger expense account. His chief responsibility is to get along with some of the most evil creatures on the face of the earth. So if the Ayatollah says we can trust him to honestly report on Iran’s nuclear development, to take photos and test soil samples, Amano is quite prepared to believe him without even asking himself why we wasted years negotiating the matter since, obviously, the Ayatollah would have snitched on himself if he had been up to any sort of skullduggery.
If I had any say in the matter, diplomats would never gather in countries like Switzerland and Luxembourg, the kind of places boasting feather beds, four-star restaurants and steam heat. That, after all, is the reason you have boneheads like Kerry and Amano signing up for these gigs. Have you ever seen the creeps arrive or depart from these get-togethers? You’ve never seen so many limousines in your life. Frankly, I won’t take any of them seriously until I see them riding burros and camels and gathering in hellish locations like Mongolia in December or Fresno in July.
♦ As if those rotters aren’t bad enough, you have a Senate filled with Democrats who were quite willing to abandon Obama over his stupid trade deal, but are lining up to kiss his ring when it comes to this nuclear deal, which not only places Israel and our Gulf allies in immediate threat of extinction, but has already seen Russia providing the Ayatollah with missiles and defense systems they could use against us.
One has to wonder about Jewish senators in particular, people like Dianne Feinstein, Al Franken and Barbara Boxer, who have already announced they’ll vote in favor of the worst deal since the Boston Red Sox sent Babe Ruth to the Yankees. The question is whether they are truly deranged or merely worried they won’t be invited to the Obamas’ Passover seder.
I was hoping that Hillary Clinton might seize the opportunity to put a little daylight between herself and Obama, thus providing the Senate Democrats with some cover. But Hillary is still hoping that Obama won’t sic the Justice Department on her in order to hand the nomination over to the man who’s had his lips faithfully glued to the presidential rump for the past seven years, Joe (“Just bidin’ my time”) Biden.
My friend, Ron Kessler, who probably knows more about the Secret Service than its director, Joseph Clancy, reports that being assigned to Mrs. Clinton’s detail is generally regarded as a form of punishment. The agents may have taken an oath to take a bullet for her, but that doesn’t mean she has to like them. Apparently, she is given to screaming obscenities at the agents if they so much as say “Good morning” to her, letting them know in no uncertain terms that it’s bad enough she has to see them without also having to hear them.
What’s more, Hillary’s top aide Huma Abedin, 39, is equally obnoxious. She has confronted agents who insisted on checking her I.D. by channeling her inner Reese Witherspoon and rebuking them with “Don’t you know who I am?!” and insisting that they act as bell boys and tote her luggage.
So far there’s no record of an agent replying, “Of course I know who you are. You’re the wife of Anthony Weiner, a congressman who had to resign in disgrace, and Hillary Clinton’s main squeeze.”
Officially, Ms. Abedin is Hillary Clinton’s personal assistant. But in political circles, the job, itself, whether held by a man or a woman, is called something else. It just so happens that because of their unique relationship, it sounds like a double entendre to refer to Huma Abedin as Hillary’s “body woman.”
♦ Finally, it is time to end an era. As of this Wednesday, I will no longer be posting articles on my blog. I am pleased to report that I have garnered enough subscriptions for my newsletter to make the transition official.
The truth is I was losing money because the donations weren’t covering the cost of the blog and paying a tech to maintain it. So I will continue to write three articles-a-week, but people will have to pay to read them.
I will miss those of you who have decided not to subscribe and can only hope you will miss me, too, and might decide at some point to sign up.
As for those of you who have subscribed, if you fail to receive an article this Wednesday, please send me an email at BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.
After all, any new system is likely to have a glitch or two...particularly if I’ve had a hand in setting it up.
Because Barack Obama says he wants his administration to look more like America, he recently appointed Raffi Freedman-Gurspan to be the director of the White House Office of Personnel. I’m not sure what that title means, either, but that’s not really important. What matters is that Mr. Freedman-Gurspan is the first transgender to ever be a White House official. At least his/her/its being a transgender makes that goofy hyphen slightly more appropriate than is usually the case.
So it is that one more item gets scratched off Obama’s bucket list. It does raise the question, though, why it is necessary that this freak be given a slot in the White House, when there are, fortunately, only a handful of these critters in the entire nation. On the other hand, there are tens of millions of conservatives, and yet Obama has resisted the urge to give any of them a cushy job.
But, then, this is the same guy who is always Johnny-on-the-spot with a phone call and a shout-out whenever a homosexual athlete ventures out of the closet. One gets the feeling that if he thought he could get away with it, Obama would turn the White House into a replica of a San Francisco bathhouse.
♦ One has come to assume lunacy in places like New York, Massachusetts and California, but apparently the liberal virus is more virulent and fast-moving than the notorious bird flu. For instance, in Connecticut, the state Supreme Court has ruled that all executions are unconstitutional.
As if that’s not bad enough, seven years ago an 11-year-old girl, who was a next door neighbor, had her two best friends, along with their mother, raped and murdered. But, today, as radio talk show host Dennis Prager recently pointed out, at the age of 18, she has been brainwashed so successfully by the media and her teachers that she insists it would be wrong to execute the two barbarians responsible for the crimes.
Meanwhile, in Tennessee, a state court has insisted that the designation of Mother and Father on birth certificates be replaced by Parent One and Parent Two, all because homosexuals, who represent 4% of America’s adoptive parents, must be accommodated.
In the nation’s mad rush to concern itself with the tender sensibilities of minorities, the majority are being compelled to live in a bizarre universe where black thugs, illegal aliens and sexual oddballs, are treated with the sort of coddling generally reserved for little babies, sacred cows and the Ayatollah Khamenei.
♦ Although I don’t make it a practice to tune in on Rush Limbaugh, some of my friends do. One of them, Art Hershey, let me know that Rush recently said that if he had the opportunity to interview Hillary, he would say: “Mrs. Clinton, let me mention seven names: Paula Jones, Juanita Broadrick, Kathleen Willey, Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky, Beth Dozoretz and Denise Rich. Now tell us: How can you look at anyone with a straight face and talk to them about family values, when it takes a village to satisfy your husband?”
♦ I know that a lot of people on our side of the aisle have been going after Megyn Kelly because she dared to ask Donald Trump one of the many questions he would prefer not to be asked. I thought it was a fair question, but, then, I haven’t signed on to be a member of Trump’s Praetorian Guard.
That’s not to say that I am totally on board with Megyn. At times, I regret to say, she has shown signs of morphing into a diva ever since Roger Ailes placed her front and center on Fox. There are times I can’t help thinking she is devoting more time to selecting her wardrobe than to selecting her guests.
Frankly, I had assumed that nobody could be worse than those idiots Bill O’Reilly regularly sprang on us. But there are times when I look back on Bob Beckel, Alan Colmes, Juan Williams, Leslie Marshall, Marc Lamont Hill and Geraldo Rivera, almost with a sense of nostalgia.
I have no idea where Ms. Kelly dug up the arrogant Richard Fowler and the downright spooky Robert Zimmerman, but she should get busy with that shovel and bury them before anyone at Forest Lawn notices that they’re gone missing.
Speaking of wardrobes, Fowler, who is identified as a nationally syndicated radio host, although nobody had ever heard of him, must have a bigger closet than Imelda Marcos. He always shows up dressed to the nines, as the old saying goes. But like a cheap Christmas gift that tries to fool you with the wrapping, he is nothing but a second-hand Marc Lamont Hill, black and full of himself. Like Rand Paul and Kirsten Powers, he is obviously a graduate of the American Academy of Smugness.
As for Mr. Zimmerman, who looks as if he has never seen daylight and can only be killed with a silver bullet or a wooden stake through the heart, is apparently a P.R. man who works for the DNC. The way he postures and preens, one would assume that at some point he had given serious thought to pursuing an acting career. It’s probably just as well that he didn’t because he would have been typecast as a zombie or a purveyor of child porn.
♦ Finally, a reader, who is even more cynical than I am when it comes to the political scene, wrote to say that there is no candidate on the horizon who will be acceptable to the majority of American voters. “This,” he pointed out, “is usually fertile ground for a political coup.”
I replied: “Hey, this is still America, buddy! Keep 2008 and 2012 in mind. It’s pretty obvious that when we want a coup, we elect a coup.”
It goes without saying, though I’ll say it nevertheless, that it takes an enormous ego to imagine oneself the president of the United States. Imagine waking up one morning and deciding that nobody in a nation of 320 million is better suited to be the most powerful man or woman in the world; or, if not the world, at least in the United States.
Cartoons used to be filled with little guys wearing bicorne hats, with their right arms stuck inside their vests, and we knew that the joke had something to do with crazy people laboring under the delusion they were Napoleon Bonaparte. Today, those crazy people are all seeking the presidency.
Although we’ve seen plenty of egotists duking it out over the years -- Lincoln and Douglas, Wilson and Teddy Roosevelt, FDR and Wendell Willkie, Kennedy and Nixon -- I think they would all pale compared to a clash of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. To be fair, Trump at least has a bunch of tall buildings and golf courses on his resume, whereas all that Mrs. Clinton can point to is a marriage license.
If there wasn’t a chance that Hillary Clinton could wind up in the Oval Office, it would actually be very comical watching her try to shake off the email scandal the way a dog tries to shake water off itself. Even she must know how silly it is to suggest that the F.B.I., the New York Times, a couple of inspector generals, Obama’s highly partisan Justice Department and liberal icon Bob Woodward, are all a part of the vast right-wing conspiracy out to sink her candidacy.
♦ I used to complain that Iowa had no business playing such an instrumental role at election time. That still holds true because Iowa remains one of the least representative states in the Union. The least representative, of course, is New Hampshire, both in terms of size and demographics.
But these days I have a more tolerant attitude because I’m getting such a kick out of watching all the candidates showing up, trying to pretend they grew up milking cows and tossing around cow pies. I’ve even seen Scott Walker and Carly Fiorina showing up at the State Fair wearing their very first pairs of blue jeans.
But so far nothing beats Hillary Clinton munching on some revolting item called a pork chop on-a-stick. I’m sure there must be worst-sounding foods, but unless it’s a monkey burger, I can’t imagine what it might be.
The question is whether in the off-years, Iowans get along with standard fare like hot dogs, hamburgers and cotton candy, and if they only roll out the deep-fried Milky Ways and the chocolate covered chunky bacon maple nougat on-a-stick for laughs when the political hucksters roll into town.
♦ Proving itself to be the equivalent of a drunken sailor on leave, California passed the Clean Energy Jobs Act in 2012, which they swore would create 11,000 jobs-a-year for the foreseeable future. In the three years since it was passed, 1,700 jobs have been created. But when things are being run by the likes of Jerry Brown and his trained fleas in Sacramento, promising 11,000 jobs-a-year and coming up with 567 is what we in California have learned to call a darn good try.
♦ When it comes to offering sanctuary to illegal aliens, California takes a backseat to nobody. As if the reality weren’t bad enough, those responsible for the madness continue to tell us that open borders are not only humane, but a financial boon for America. How can it be humane that illegal aliens are stealing jobs from American citizens? But when you realize that $338 billion a year is squandered by the feds and the states providing welfare, education and incarceration, for untold millions, it is even harder to spot the financial bonanza.
When you factor in the emotional cost of the murders, rapes and child molestations, committed by many of these interlopers, the big lie becomes even more apparent and far more tragic.
The 14th Amendment was ratified in 1868 for the purpose of granting legal status to ex-slaves who were brought to America against their will. It has required generations of half-witted judges to decide it grants similar rights to the babies of women who snuck across our border to give birth. It would make as much sense if an illegal alien snuck into your home to deliver a baby and then argued that the kid, and therefore his parents, are entitled to take up permanent residence.
♦ The Smithsonian has seen fit to display a bust of Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, in a place of honor. This is the same woman who popularized eugenics, making a staunch believer out of Adolf Hitler with her insistence that those whom she deemed unfit to reproduce -- namely, blacks, Jews and Italians -- should undergo mandatory sterilization.
The irony is that she is a hero to the Left, although if her plans had been carried out here in the States, no Democrat in the past 50 years would have been elected president.
♦ When people demonstrated in Poland, Hungary, Iran, Syria and China, it was to seek freedom from tyranny. In the United States, it’s nearly always the mob that takes to the streets, whether it was Chicago in 1968, L.A. in 1992, or Ferguson and Baltimore in the past year.
Other nations saw freedom fighters confront the Soviet, Chinese and Islamic, despots; here it’s the despots calling themselves Yippies, Occupy Wall Streeters or members of the Black Lives Matter movement, whose goal is nothing more than to create chaos, attack the police with impunity, and to turn the clock back on civilization.
In a sane world, these nitwits would be deep fried, stuck on sticks and served at the Iowa State Fair.
How can anyone take an honest look at the black community in 2015 and not damn the Democrats? It was bad enough when the Democrats formed the Ku Klux Klan and passed Jim Crow laws in the South. It was bad enough when bigots like Bull Connor, Orville Faubus and George Wallace, sicced dogs and cops on black people who were peacefully demonstrating on behalf of equal rights and a decent education, and against segregation and the poll tax.
There was a time when blacks, taken as a group, were among the most admirable people in America. In huge numbers, they attended Christian churches and lived by Christian precepts. Black children were more likely than white ones to be raised in two-parent homes. When it came to drug use, it was limited for the most part to jazz musicians and those boneheads, both black and white, who believed that drugs would magically transform them into jazz musicians.
Today, even those blacks who are college-educated and safely ensconced in the middle class continue to vote 90-95% of the time for those very same plantation-owning Democrats who once used the whip on them, and who today keep them in line with welfare. Why those blacks who are actually productive and who can pay for their own housing, food and cell phones, continue to kneel down to the insufferable likes of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden, is beyond me.
There was a time when blacks set the gold standard when it came to persevering, for aspiring to independence and a better, more self-respecting, life. There was a time when it was truly an insult for a young white person to refer to black adults as “boys.” But today, when millions of black men have spent the past several decades deserting their pregnant women, leaving them to raise their offspring in poverty, they hardly deserve to be called men.
Even to call many of them “boys” is a bit of a stretch. When you saw the black goons jumping on cars in places like Ferguson and Baltimore, they looked more like the chimps you see doing the very same thing in Africa when safari vehicles slow down than like anything recognizably human.
♦ The brouhaha involving the Confederate flag has pretty much quieted down by now, leaving those who demanded its removal from public spaces feeling very self-righteous, morally superior to those who saw the flag as a tribute to those ancestors who bravely fought and died to defend their homes, their farms and their families.
For the most part, the rebels were not fighting to defend slavery any more than Lincoln was waging his bloody war in order to end it. But it took a note from reader Jim Hawkins to remind me that FDR, Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and even Barack Obama, all prominently displayed the Confederate flag on their campaign posters, flyers and buttons.
♦ Sometimes, even I’m surprised by the unbounded greed and stupidity of bureaucrats. For instance, it recently came to light that here in California, scores of truck drivers had bribed the folks down at the DMV to grant them licenses by rigging the test results. Inasmuch as it means that a bunch of truck drivers too dumb to pass a relatively easy test would be using the same roads as these civil servants and their loved ones, wouldn’t you think it would make more sense for these knuckleheads to consider knocking over a 7-11 if they need the money that desperately?
It certainly might explain why, over the past few months, there have been a record number of crashes in California involving trucks. At least I hope that’s the explanation and that it’s not because even the ones who passed the test can’t drive and chew gum at the same time.
♦ It took me aback in 2008 when Obama vowed to fundamentally transform America and won the election. It had never occurred to me that so many people felt that America required anything more than a few tweaks to make it even better than it was. Now Bernie Sanders is promising nothing less than a revolution, and the old self-proclaimed Socialist is drawing bigger and more enthusiastic crowds than those other two sideshow attractions, Clinton and Trump.
♦ When it comes to politics, I’m no stranger to idiots. In fact, I was related to several. Back when I was a kid, my uncles, who had all been born in Russia when Czar Nicholas encouraged his Cossacks to give Jews a hard time, thought that Stalin and the Communists were heaven-sent. They never stopped rhapsodizing about the Soviet Union, although not one of them ever took a trip back to the old country to check out the reality.
Instead, they would go on and on, pointing out all the ways that the Soviet Union was superior to America. When I was about 11 or 12, I had finally heard enough. One day, I interrupted my Uncle Al long enough to point out with the logic that remains my trademark that, come the revolution, he and his brothers -- all four of whom were wartime black marketers, absentee landlords and successful capitalists, the trifecta of bourgeois transgressions -- would be lined up against the wall and shot, even before the Commies got around to the Morgans and the Rockefellers.
He seemed shaken, but whether it was by his nephew’s words or the grin that accompanied them, I can’t say.
But, either way, I knew I was never going to wind up in his will.
As you may have heard, the EPA dumped three million gallons of toxic acid and arsenic-contaminated mining sludge into the Animas River near Durango, Colorado. At first, it seemed to be an unfortunate accident caused by someone on a tractor with a claw that punched a hole in a dam containing the waste in a mining holding pond. But, now it seems there may be evidence that the agency did it intentionally in order to federalize the area, shut down the mines and prevent future development from taking place. They might consider a name change to the River Styx.
One would have to be pretty cynical to imagine that a federal agency would risk befouling the Columbia River and with it the drinking water of people in Nevada, California and New Mexico. On the other hand, one would have to be pretty gullible to imagine there are any lengths that Obama and his toadies at the EPA wouldn’t go in order to place the entire country at the mercy of the well-heeled environmental fascists.
Once the word got out, Gina McCarthy, the head of the EPA, almost immediately announced that the mess had already been cleaned up. I’m still chuckling. Can you imagine what the response of Ms. McCarthy would be if you or your company announced, within a few short days of spewing three million gallons of arsenic and other pollutants into a river, that we can all get on with our business; nothing to see here, folks?
♦ A recent poll revealed that although 52% of us think Hillary Clinton’s emails should be subject to a criminal investigation, 41% disagree. Who are these knuckleheads who believe that Mrs. Clinton shouldn’t be subject to the same laws as you, I and General Petraeus? As for the 7% who didn’t respond either way, one can only assume they asked what email is.
♦ I suppose the 41% who sprang to Mrs. Clinton’s defense shouldn’t shock me. After all, Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist, VT) told a huge crowd that his campaign is a revolution and that, furthermore, “This revolution is about transforming the United States of America.” The scary part is that the line drew thunderous applause. I guess Obama’s radical transformation of America wasn’t quite enough for these bozos. After all, the U.S. is still functioning, sort of.
♦ In Ferguson, MO, a small group of Oath Keepers showed up to protect the police from the mob. I don’t know how the cops felt about it, but the city fathers didn’t welcome them with open arms because, as is often the case, the politicians are more concerned with the comfort of the thugs than the safety of the cops. The Oath Keepers were told that their presence might inflame the mob. But aren’t mobs, by definition, already inflamed? And wouldn’t they otherwise be referred to as groups or clubs or fraternal organizations?
♦ Although I feel free to comment about municipal pigsties, I live in Los Angeles, California, so I’m hardly in a position to cast stones. This is the place where a great many homes have fireplaces for no other reason than that realtors in the 30s thought eastern transplants would miss them, but they are rarely, if ever, used. In fact, if you ever tried starting a fire, so much flammable material in the form of dust and leaves will have collected in the chimney, you’d probably burn the house down. That, come to think of it, is pretty much what Gov. Jerry Brown and his liberal cohorts in Sacramento have done to the state.
♦ L.A. is also the place where 98 wealthy Jews, including architect Frank Gehry; real estate billionaire Eli Broad; “Mad Man” creator Matthew Weiner; film producer Mike Medavoy; executive producer of “Game of Thrones” Carolyn Strauss; and Norman (“All in the Family”) Lear, all signed an open letter calling on Congress to sign the nuclear agreement with Iran. These lunatics had the chutzpah to identify themselves as “American Jewish Supporters of Israel.”
I say “chutzpah” because an American Jew would have to possess unlimited gall to oppose the position taken by the two Israeli leaders who recently faced off in a national election, Benjamin Netanyahu and Isaac Herzog, both of whom have described the deal in existential terms.
Unfortunately, it would never occur to these bozos that those living in the shadow of a nuclear-armed Iran just might have a better take on the situation than those hunkered down in their Beverly Hills, Brentwood and Bel Air, mansions.
♦ Donald Trump recently acknowledged that he had played a round of golf with Rand Paul. Frankly, I’m surprised that there was room on a single green to accommodate those two massive egos. Trump reported that Sen. Paul is a lousy golfer and that Trump easily defeated him.
Rand Paul, showing himself to be a bad loser, insisted that he only lost because they were playing on one of Trump’s own courses. Trump, proving that he is an equally bad winner, then responded by advising Kentucky voters not to re-elect Paul to the Senate.
Isn’t there an adult in the vicinity who can tell these two spoiled brats to go their separate ways if they can’t learn to play nicely together?
♦ It occurred to me recently that, although we don’t get a salary or collect a pension, we are all civil servants because, thanks to taxes and the soaring national debt, we all wind up working for the federal government. And I say it’s high time we went on strike.
♦ Finally, I was sent a picture of a sign identifying the facility behind the barbed wire fence as the U.S. Dept. of Justice Federal Bureau of Prisons. Under those words, jolly prankster Josh Donoho had photo-shopped a Clinton bumper sticker reading: Ready for Hillary.
It's too bad that schmucks like Bull Connor gave firehoses such a bad image back in the 1960s when he and his goons trained them on black people who merely had the audacity to think they should be allowed to vote, go to school, ride a bus and share a lunch counter, with white people.
I say that because every time I see the morons in Ferguson and those involved in the Black Lives Matter movement, I find myself thinking how much I’d enjoy seeing the swine hosed off stages, podiums and the streets of our cities.
On the other hand, I don’t find myself lamenting the fact that they shout down the cowardly likes of Martin O’Malley and Bernie Sanders. It’s not that I would ever endorse the mob’s having its brutish way and silencing anyone who’s merely attempting to take advantage of his right to free speech, even if it is to utter left-wing twaddle. But I do enjoy seeing these guys, who couldn’t win elections without garnering super majorities of black votes, having to expose their cowardice, lest word get out that they had the guts to face down a swarm of ignorant blacks.
♦ I know that a lot of people like it when Trump attacks the media, but I’m not one of them. It’s not because I respect the media, but because it’s an old trick that was perfected, but then overused, by Newt Gingrich, in 2012. Someone would, for instance, ask Gingrich to explain how he could bring himself to divorce one wife, who was then in the hospital with cancer, so he could marry another, presumably healthy, woman, and instead of dealing with the question, Gingrich would then chastise the reporter for asking it. Well, character matters or at least is supposed to, so I wanted to hear his answer, not a fire-and-damnation sermon from St. Newt.
Admittedly, it got Newt a great deal of applause in the arena from conservatives who were justifiably sick and tired of liberal bias in the news. But by the fourth or fifth time he tried it, people began to catch on that he was a one-trick pony.
It just so happens that it was a question I would have asked Gingrich because the matter was very much in the news at the time. And if Donald Trump has made it a practice to insult women, and hadn’t limited it to his little feud with Rosie O’Donnell, I want to know about it. Furthermore, in responding to the question by insulting Megyn Kelly, he didn’t provide me with a suitable answer, merely a very strong suspicion that he is guilty as charged.
♦ That shouldn’t be taken to mean that I think women should never be attacked. It depends on who they are, and who’s doing the attacking. So, I have long been engaged in telling the truth about female leftists, such as Mrs. Clinton, Maxine Waters, Barbara Boxer, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Sheila Jackson Lee, Patty Murray, Nancy Pelosi and Valerie Jarrett, all of whom have played major roles in helping Barack Obama destroy America.
I suppose I could defend myself by using the words of Harry Truman, when, in 1948, he denied he was attacking the Republicans, by saying “I just tell the truth about them and they think I’m attacking them.”
But the truth is, I really am attacking them.
If I weren’t, I might not share an email I received from my friend, Merrill Heatter, who informed me that “Hillary Clinton is considering a sex change operation. Thinking about becoming a woman.”
♦ Speaking of which, inasmuch as Bruce Jenner has not undergone castration, he is not really a transgender so much as he’s a transvestite. If and when he has the operation performed, he still won’t be a transgender because you can’t alter your DNA; he’ll simply be a eunuch and would be able to find work guarding a harem.
It just goes to show that not only isn’t it nice to fool Mother Nature, as we were repeatedly told during the 1970s in the TV commercials for Chiffon Margarine, but it’s well-nigh impossible.
♦ So far, it hasn’t been a great year for memorable campaign lines. For a long time, there was nothing close to Carly Fiorina’s one-liner about having traveled as much as Hillary Clinton, but of being aware that flying is an activity, not an accomplishment. I would say that Bobby Jindal’s take on our border situation: “Without assimilation, immigration is an invasion” is second best.
♦ I understand that the GOP debate drew record numbers of viewers and that most of the credit went to Trump. If that’s the case, bless him for letting Americans know what a treasure trove of potential presidents we have to offer. I’m not suggesting I’m crazy about all of them, but when you stack them up against the likes of Mrs. Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Martin O’Malley and Joe Biden, they look like the 1927 New York Yankee line-up, except that I’d have Carly Fiorina batting cleanup in place of Babe Ruth.
Getting back to Trump, I’d compare him to a carnival barker whose job it is to get people who have already paid to get in the tent to then pay more money to see the sideshow, and who then turns out to be the sideshow’s main attraction.
♦ With September looming on the horizon, it is finally time to ask those who wish to continue receiving one year’s worth of articles to pay the piper to the tune of $100. Please send a check or money order to this piper at 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. And even if you think I already have it, please enclose your email address, as I’ll need it in order to fulfill my end of the bargain.
As for those of you who have decided you’ve had quite enough of me, I’ll miss you...but we’ll always have Paris.
I must confess that I was pleasantly surprised by the GOP debate on Fox. Although I had hoped that all 17 contenders could have shared the main stage, in retrospect, it may have worked out better the way it was. I say that because my current favorite, Carly Fiorina, might have been squashed between the enormous egos of Donald Trump, Chris Christie and Rand Paul.
Overall, I thought Fiorina, Rubio, Cruz, Huckabee and Carson, came off best. They were followed, though not too closely, by Jindal, Perry, Walker and Santorum.
Because I find it hard to believe that Lindsey Graham, George Pataki and Jim Gilmore, are in it for anything other than increasing their name recognition and jacking up the price of their speeches, I think we can pretty much forget about them.
That leaves Kasich, Bush, Paul and Trump. I wish I liked Kasich more than I do. It would be nice to have the governor of a major swing state like Ohio on the ticket, but every single time he opens his mouth, he sounds like he’s delivering a sermon. He is constantly letting us know that he has a soft spot in his heart for poor people and drug addicts. Well, a great many poor people are poor because they thought that getting an education or learning a trade was something other people were supposed to do in order to support them. When it comes to drug addicts, I believe they are responsible for their lousy decisions. Nobody put a gun to their heads and made them waste their lives. It’s not as if they didn’t know the danger of getting too chummy with crack, meth and heroin. Heck, it was more than 30 years ago that Nancy Reagan was telling all of us to just say no. It’s not my fault they decided to just say “Yes,” and I certainly don’t wish to waste my tax dollars or have President Kasich waste them trying to save these selfish, hedonistic, idiots from themselves.
I believe that charity should be provided for those whose misfortunes can be blamed on old age, disease, injury and military service, not for those who have simply made unbelievably stupid decisions.
I almost admire the way that Jeb Bush manages to chuck and jive when it comes to amnesty and Common Core, but the operative word is “almost.”
Even if I agreed with Rand Paul when it comes to the NSA, which I don’t, because nobody should intentionally confuse the government’s collecting of phone numbers with its listening in on those calls, I would despise him because of that nasty smirk he barely even tries to conceal. It’s the smirk of a guy who grew up being told that he’s the smartest little boy in the room, and that his spit curls just make him all the more adorable.
That brings us to Trump. I know that he and some of his followers thought that the Fox moderators, Megyn Kelly in particular, asked him tougher questions than were asked of the others. I disagree. I watched both debates and all 17 contenders were asked tough questions. The difference is that Trump isn’t accustomed to being backed into a corner. The truth is that he has spent a lifetime surrounded by sycophants. He has naturally come to regard any question besides “Just how high would you like me to jump, Mr. Trump?” as sneaky.
Trump is accustomed to passing himself off as a tough guy, but if he can’t deal with a Fox host without whining about it, how the heck is he going to deal with a real adversary like Vladimir Putin, the Ayatollah Khamenei or even the President of Mexico? Overall, he came across as the anti-Ben Carson, a combination of a schoolyard bully and a barroom blowhard.
Trump’s low point came when, referring to Megyn Kelly, he complained “There was blood coming out of her eyes, out of her…whatever.” The crude dude didn’t do himself any favors when he later claimed that by “whatever,” he was referring to her nose.
I don’t know how many people I speak for, but I personally would much prefer having the Megyn than the Donald on the 2016 ticket. It’s not just because she has nicer hair, either, but because I have heard her speak intelligently on the issues and never once heard her say anything along the lines of “I know how to handle (Russia) (China) (Mexico) (Iran), but don’t ask me for any details. Just trust me. And, oh, by the way, if you don’t trust me, you’ll hurt my feelings and I might just run as a third party candidate or even support Hillary Clinton,” which, as we all know, he’s done in the past.
To sum up the debates, I came away even more impressed with Carly Fiorina than I’d been previously. It’s not just because she would make mincemeat out of Hillary in a debate, but because once she was elected, I believe she would remind us of Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher on steroids.
♦ Now it is finally time to report the results of my epitaph challenge. The idea, you may recall, was to come up with a pithy (12 words or less), memorable, preferably witty, epitaph.
There were 68 responses. I guess it was a tougher challenge than I realized because although they each came in under a dozen words, most of them weren’t really worth carving in marble.
A few people sent me the old standby: “I told you I was sick,” but the only person I ever knew who deserved to use that one was my old friend, and perennial hypochondriac, Oscar Levant.
Now, without further ado:
In fifth place, Burgess Schnitzler: “The S.O.B. is Lying Again.”
In fourth place: Sara McLain: “Now I’m Really Not Listening to You.”
In the third slot: Darrel Knowles, who suspects his friends and relatives will send him on his way with: “Thank God -- We Thought He’d Never Leave.”
In second place, Dan Christmas signs off with “Sorry, Kids, No More Christmas.”
And in first place, Frank Balkin reports: “I don’t have one for myself, but my high school trigonometry teacher, Mr. Wheat, used to tell us that when he died, the stone should simply read “Aftermath.”
With that name, the lucky stiff could also have used “I’ve Been Harvested.”
In closing, I just wish to report that I have definitely decided to shut down the blog at the end of the month. After that, I will only submit my articles to those who have subscribed by sending word to me at BurtPrelutsky@aol.com and who have sent the yearly fee of $100 for the 150-175 articles to me at 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604, all before Wednesday, August 26th.
Until I was 68 years old, it never occurred to me that I could actually hate someone I had never even met, unless, of course, his name was Stalin or Hitler or had been found guilty of murder, rape or child molestation. But, then, I never dreamed that America would ever elect a president as vile, both politically and personally, as Barack Hussein Obama.
Although some people would suggest I despise him because he’s a Democrat, that wouldn’t explain why I have tolerated and continue to tolerate a great many Democrats. Others would insist that I hold him in contempt because he’s black, but that wouldn’t explain why I admire people like Clarence Thomas, Condoleezza Rice, Thomas Sowell, Jason Riley, Tim Scott, David Clarke, Walter E. Williams and Ben Carson, all of whom had two black parents, not one white and one Arab.
Of all the disgusting statements Obama has made over the past seven years, perhaps the worst came recently when, in his defense of the indefensible agreement he made with Iran, he said: “It’s the hardliners in Iran who are most opposed to the deal. They’re making common cause with the Republican caucus.”
Aside from the fact that he had the audacity to compare Republicans to those who burn and behead Christians, turn women into sex slaves and crucify children, he had the gall to pretend that Javad Zarif and the Ayatollah Khamenei aren’t the hardliners calling for death to America, aren’t, in fact, the very hardliners without whom there would not have been a negotiation in the first place. And why on earth wouldn’t they approve a deal which gave them everything they wanted -- including an end to sanctions, a pathway to a nuclear arsenal and a signing bonus of $150 billion -- and which required nothing of them in return, including even the release of four American hostages?
What made Obama’s speech at American University all the more abominable was the audience reaction to his slander of their fellow Americans: they actually laughed and applauded his foul, false and foolish, remarks.
♦ It is appalling that this administration is bestowing billions of dollars in foreign aid to our existential enemies in the Middle East; putting miles of daylight between America and Israel; refusing to wage war against ISIS; increasing by millions the number of Americans dependent on welfare; allowing the EPA and the IRS free rein to intimidate and punish anyone who doesn’t toe the line; and continuing to fund Planned Parenthood, PBS and the NEA, while piling up trillions of dollars in national debt. But even worse is the fact that half of all Americans are on board and would love to see more of the same from Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden.
In case anyone might think that California is ready to rest on its laurels as the state with the most sanctuary cities, the fewest insane asylums and the most liberals, think again. In Huntington Park, City Councilman Jhonny Pineda, whose parents apparently didn’t know how to spell “Johnny,” is keeping a campaign promise by picking two illegal aliens, Francisco Medina and Julian Zararain, to serve as city commissioners. If the residents of the town don’t recall Pineda, it will only go to show that they’re as corrupt as he is.
♦ As reader Bill Groomer recently alerted me, in 1951, the left-wing muckraker Upton Sinclair wrote the following to Norman Thomas, the six-time presidential candidate for the Socialist Party: “The American people will take Socialism, but they won’t take the label.”
Sinclair was dead on, and that’s why today’s Democrats have adopted the platform, just as FDR did back in the 30s, but, aside from Bernie Sanders, not the name.
♦ When I stopped watching Bill O’Reilly about two years ago, part of the reason I quit was because I couldn’t stand having to spend time with Juan Williams, Geraldo Rivera, Bob Beckel, Marc Lamont Hill and Alan Colmes. Now that I watch Megyn Kelly, and find myself having to put up with the likes of Kirsten Powers, Mark Hannah, Robert Zimmerman and Richard Fowler, all of whom must have majored in smirking at the Arrogance Academy, I now look back and regard my time with O’Reilly as the good old days.
♦ Finally, I have always thought that an essential lesson that should be drummed into our kids is to never, under any circumstances, be guilty of envy. I know it’s not an easy lesson to digest because, at times, it’s only natural to envy someone -- a rock star, a professional athlete, a billionaire -- someone who seems to have everything a person might want. That’s why I think everyone -- parents, teachers, ministers, friends and relatives -- should make a concerted effort to drive the point home.
Simply knowing that others have fame or money, talent or good looks, doesn’t mean we know about the demons that plague them -- the fear that people only like or love them for what they have, the fear of abandonment, the fear that he or she doesn’t deserve such good fortune and that it will all simply vanish. We can’t know and, in fact, even the idol might not know, that he has a fatal disease, or that some loon like Mark David Chapman is plotting to kill him or that, like Robin Williams or Ernest Hemingway, is planning to kill himself.
Recently, I read about a woman whose poor Greek grandfather was sailing with his family from England to a new life in America. The night before boarding, a ticket master told him that he could sell his tickets for a great profit. Her grandfather decided it was too good an offer to pass up, especially as there was another ship ready to set sail the following day.
It’s very possible that the woman’s father, a little boy at the time, envied those rich people who could afford to pay extra. But those were the poor souls who sailed off on the Titanic.
When I was a kid, guys who said dem, dese and dose when they were attempting to say them, these and those, were regarded as ignorant mugs, and in the movies were often portrayed by the likes of Nat Pendleton and “Slapsie” Maxie Rosenbloom.
These days, dese and dose have pretty much vanished from the scene, leaving only the dems, otherwise known as Democrats, as representative of gross stupidity.
What I find most objectionable about Democrats isn’t simply that they are wrong on every issue, ranging from abortion and taxes to global warming and national defense, but that they’re convinced that they are smarter and more decent than the rest of us. I ask you, in what universe would anyone believe that Joe Biden, Barbara Boxer, Elijah Cummings, Nancy Pelosi, Al Sharpton, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Patty Murray, Alan Grayson and “Slapsie” Maxine Waters, wouldn’t have to cheat in order to score 80 on an IQ test?
Only a liberal pinhead who thinks that the government should handle charitable contributions, along with everything else, would actually suggest that Democrats are even more giving and more compassionate than, say, churchgoing conservatives.
By way of full disclosure, I used to be a Democrat, though never a liberal. I still blame my parents, but that was a long time ago. Back then, it was quite acceptable to be a Democrat and still object to Jack Kennedy’s allowing partisanship to trump principles by urging civil servants to unionize or to dismiss LBJ as a boor and a bully or to write off Hubert Humphrey as a naïve simpleton.
Today, that is never the case. It’s as if every registered Democrat has sworn an oath not to speak or even think badly of any cheap hack with a (D) after his or her name. They view it as an act of heresy to even question the various crimes and sins committed by the Clintons, be they political, fiscal or moral.
I mean, how is it that we never hear Democrats say, for instance, that they approve of the Affordable Care Act, but that they resent the lies Obama kept repeating in order to sell it.
And why is it that no Democrat, in or out of Congress, ever points out that inasmuch as ObamaCare is supposed to provide comprehensive health care for women, it should no longer be necessary that $500 million in federal tax dollars be used to fund Planned Parenthood, an abortion mill run by crones who all seemingly aspire to be this generation’s Dr. Mengele.
Why are Democrats unable to even ask, if gun control laws are the answer to lowering the nation’s violent death rate, why it is that Chicago, Baltimore and Washington, D.C., with the toughest gun laws on the books, remain the murder capitals of America?
Clearly, it must be difficult for some liberals to swallow all the vile swill that this administration doles out, particularly when it comes to something like the nuclear deal with Iran. But when you see the way that the Democrats have closed ranks behind Obama, difficult -- even in the face of an existential threat -- does not mean impossible.
♦ The other day, a caller to a radio talk show raised a point I had never even considered. It seems that the number of representatives in the House is based on the 1910 census. A century ago, there were 92 million people in America. With 435 members in the House, that worked out to one for every 211,000 people. Today, with a population of 320 million, each member is allegedly representing 735,000 of us. The caller felt deprived and thought that the House membership should be increased in order to bring it in line with what it used to be. But in order for every member to represent, say, 200,000 of us, the total would rise from 435 to nearly 1,600!
Frankly, I can’t imagine a worse idea, unless it would be increasing the number of U.S. senators. Taxation without representation brought on the American Revolution. These days, when politicians are among the most revolting people in America and when most of them reckon that raising our taxes is their main responsibility, the very thought of increasing their numbers makes my blood run cold.
♦ A wise friend of mine sent me an email in which he pointed out that over the past century, three major delusions have poisoned our planet, infecting billions of us.
The first was communism, also known as socialism, progressivism and liberalism.
The second was Nazism, also known as Fascism and Islam, but always having as one of its major tenets the annihilation of Jews.
The third is Global Warming, aka Climate Change and Environmentalism, which goes to prove that nothing was learned at the Tower of Babel about the inability of mankind to usurp the power of God or Mother Nature to control the weather.
I would add that Babel should also have taught us that just as we’re not destined to all speak the same language, we’re not all really the same under the skin, and that those hayseeds who argue that we’re all brothers apparently never heard of sibling rivalry and apparently confuse Cain and Abel for characters on a sit com.
♦ Finally, I found myself sympathizing with Mike Huckabee when he came in for a hailstorm of criticism for saying that the deal Obama cut with Iran will lead the Jews to the oven. Even some Republicans took him to task for suggesting that Obama was no better than Hitler. Of course he’s better than Hitler. Whereas Hitler actually used the ovens to exterminate six million Jews, Obama was merely providing Iran with the means and the money with which to annihilate six million Jews.
Still, Huckabee was off base when he referred to ovens. After all, Iran’s plan is to nuke Israel. Therefore, the kitchen appliance he should have referred to is a microwave.
Whenever liberals defend Planned Parenthood, steam shoots out of my ears when they insist that not a penny of the $500 million they receive from the feds goes towards abortions. Clearly, they assume that everyone is as stupid as they are. Look at it this way: if I have a thousand dollars and you give me $500 on the condition that I don’t spend it buying a gun, all I have to do is spend $500 of my own money on the gun. Then, thanks to your generosity, I still have $1,000....and a gun!
♦ Speaking of money, when it comes to foreign aid, we’re like the lush who lets his own family starve while he buys drinks for everyone at the saloon. We’re like the lush, but we’re even worse because whereas he’s blowing his own money, we’re borrowing from the likes of China so that we can hand it out to Mexico, Russia, Kenya and our various enemies in the Middle East. And, for good measure, we’re paying interest on the money we’re borrowing. Isn’t it time we stopped acting as the middleman and let them write their own damn IOUs?
♦ As I sit here, Donald Trump is riding high in the polls. As most of you know, I was glad to see him actually enter the race, after merely threatening to run several times over the past 20 years. Because I’m something of a gadfly, I like to encourage other gadflies. But I have come to regard him as something of a blowhard and a buffoon. He makes a lot of big promises about how he’s going to make China, Mexico and Iran, toe the line. Well, aside from Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, who doesn’t want to see that happen? But Trump’s a little sketchy on the details. And, frankly, I don’t see the Ayatollah Khamenei being bowled over by an invitation to eat, drink and play golf, for free at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Country Club in Florida. Vladimir Putin, maybe.
I also wouldn’t make too much of the fact that Trump is at 25% in the polls right now, leading both Walker and Bush by about a large margin. It’s not just that the GOP convention is still several months off, but those voters who aren’t in Trump’s corner already, I’m guessing, never will be. Whether they prefer Rubio, Walker, Cruz, Perry, Bush, Fiorina, Jindal, Carson, Huckabee, Santorum or any of the other contenders, the chances are highly unlikely that Trump, whose appeal is mainly that of a loudmouth, is their second, third or even fifteenth choice.
Mainly, I hope that those who adore Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Lindsey Graham or any of the others, will suck it up if their personal favorite doesn’t garner the nomination. I know a lot of Republicans like to think that Obama won twice because the Democrats rig voting machines and vote multiple times. But they didn’t win in 2008 and 2012 because they cheated, but because too many on our side stayed home and sulked on Election Day. Then, to compound their sin, they then spent the last seven years griping about this awful administration.
While it’s true that voting is a privilege and not an obligation, if you stay home on November 8, 2016, you have absolutely no right to spend the following four or eight years whining about Hillary Clinton’s reign of terror.
♦ Speaking of which, too many Americans seem to regret that our side won the Revolution. They openly long for royalty. As if it’s not bad enough that we’ve had an emperor for seven years, nearly half of us are now dying to have a queen. And if circumstances or an act of God should somehow prevent Mrs. Clinton’s coronation, those same people will be almost as happy to crown one of the court jesters, Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders.
Because all of my representatives -- local, state and national -- are liberals, I have no reason to attend townhall meetings with them. But I do wish the rest of you would ask your Republican senators and representatives two questions for me. The first is why Bowe Bergdahl still hasn't been tried after all this time; the second is why they keep electing Mitch McConnell and John Boehner to leadership positions when neither is capable of leading baby ducklings across a dirt road.
♦ Because I believe in spreading wisdom around, I am happy to share the following:
Cartoonist Robert Quillen once observed, quite aptly, that “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
Honore de Balzac, who obviously knew what he was talking about, said: “When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.”
It so happens that the great French novelist didn’t get married until he was 51, and he died five short months later. Make of that what you will.
♦ Finally, there’s no way that a Minnesota dentist is going to kill an African lion without my commenting on it. I’m not as outraged as most people seem to be. After all, it was a lion, even if someone decided to name it Cecil. It wasn’t someone’s pet. It wasn’t our dog Angel. It was a lion, for heaven’s sake, and five minutes before the dentist hired a couple of schmucks to lure it off a reserve so he could hit it with a spotlight and shoot it with an arrow, it was probably gnawing on Bambi.
Still, there is something comforting in the fact that a guy can blow $50,000 killing an animal in the most pathetic way imaginable and wind up, not with a lion’s head on his wall, but with his own dumb mug on the front page.
There is an old saying that doctors should cure themselves. In the case of this dentist, it seems that before packing for this safari, Walter Palmer should have paused to fill the cavity between his ears.
I understand that a lot of you are hunters, and regard yourselves as sportsmen and would never do the chickenshit stuff the dentist did, but, assuming you’re not hunting in order to feed your families, I confess I don’t grasp the appeal of getting the best of dumb animals. I admit that I don’t shy away from matching wits with liberals, but at least I don’t leave their bloody carcasses lying around to frighten their wives and children.
There is a very good reason why Obama declared that the Faustian deal he and John Kerry made with Iran is not a treaty, but simply an agreement. If it were a treaty, according to the Constitution, it would require the consent of two-thirds of the Senate. This way, once the Senate rejects it, Obama will only require the votes of 34 Democrats to override their rational objection.
The question is how and why the GOP-controlled Senate allowed him to get away with this vile example of political legerdemain.
In a sane universe, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell wouldn’t be trusted to lead a group of baby ducks across a country road. The real tragedy is that the Senate Republicans did as lousy a job in electing their leader as America did when twice electing ours.
When Ted Cruz called McConnell a liar because he first swore he would prevent the re-funding of the Import Export Bank before breaking his word, the other GOP bigwigs in the Senate, instead of saying “Amen!” rallied to McConnell’s defense. When you get right down to it, the only real difference between McConnell and Harry Reid is that Reid was slightly more effective when it came to promoting Obama’s agenda.
♦ In the world of sports and entertainment, a great deal of attention is lavished on people who have made extraordinary comebacks, people like baseball’s Alex Rodriguez this season and Hollywood’s John Travolta in the early 90s. However, nothing can compare to that of John Kerry.
It wasn’t that long ago that Kerry was joined at the hip and the lip with Jane Fonda when it came to excoriating America’s military. Kerry even pretended to throw his medals --including the phony Purple Hearts -- over the wall of the Pentagon. It later came out that those were other people’s medals. The big fraud had his own medals framed and hung on the wall of his Senate office.
But today he is America’s Secretary of State, a position once held by the likes of John Jay, Thomas Jefferson, John Marshall, James Madison and James Monroe. In more recent times, it has morphed into something along the lines of an ambassadorship to a place like Luxembourg, a political favor bestowed on such mediocrities as Kerry, Colin Powell, Warren Christopher, Madeleine Albright and Hillary Clinton.
♦ In the recent furor brought on by the gruesome videos starring Planned Parenthood spokeswomen, one question continues to be overlooked: Why, after decades of sex education in our schools and many inexpensive means of avoiding pregnancy, a million abortions a year are still taking place. The fact that all these years after Roe v. Wade, the biggest abortion mill in America is still in business suggests that we are handling the problem of unwanted pregnancies in the worst way possible.
For openers, anyone who still hasn’t figured out how babies are created should be institutionalized for their own safety. They are simply too dumb to be allowed to walk around. They are the sort of dimwits who stick hairpins in electric sockets and try to iron their clothes while wearing them.
If locking them up strikes you as too drastic, how about sterilizing those who have abortions? Moreover, because I believe in gender equality, I would charge the sperm donor for the cost of the procedure. I would also give him a choice of jail time or paying for his own vasectomy.
Understand, I am not a prude. But I am sick and tired of paying for other people’s mistakes.
♦ Comedian/political pundit Jackie Mason observed that “In New York, agents of the Health Department can enter any restaurant at any time and conduct an inspection. However, the international inspectors have to give Iran 24 days’ notice before entering a nuclear facility. So while we’re not protected from a bomb, we are protected from a bad tuna fish sandwich.”
♦ As some of you know, whereas I welcomed Donald Trump into the race because I like gadflies, his trashing of POWS was a bridge too far even for me. And while I don’t always object to loose cannons, it seems to me that if you’re running for the GOP nomination, you might occasionally train those cannons on the Democrats.
But the question when it comes to Donald Trump is what he is, aside from being an Olympic-class flip-flopper. After all, in 1999, he left the GOP because “I just believe the Republicans are just too crazy right.” Back then, he was considering running as the Reform Party candidate in 2000. That was the party created by Ross Perot back in 1992, when his presence on the ballot helped get Bill Clinton elected.
In 2001, Trump became a Democrat because “It seems to me that the economy does better under the Democrats.”
In 2009, he once again joined the GOP, but the honeymoon only lasted until 2011, when he decided he was really an Independent, and once again contemplated a third party run for the presidency.
I had assumed Trump had contributed heavily to the Senate campaigns of Hillary Clinton, Chuck Schumer and Harry Reid, and even invited the Clintons to his last wedding in 2005, as the price of doing business in New York. But, now, after looking into his record a little more closely, I’m not so sure. Today, he claims to be a Republican. And by today, I mean today, not necessarily tomorrow.
As for the issues, he sided with the liberals, both on and off the Supreme Court, when it came to the Kelo vs. City of New London decision, which gave municipalities the right to take one man’s property and hand it over to another man if they believed it would lead to increased property taxes. The typical 5-4 decision gave a new and terrible meaning to eminent domain.
It wasn’t that long ago that Trump endorsed a massive surtax on the rich, which called for a one-time 14.25% tax on fortunes exceeding $10 million, but he now claims he wants the top rate cut in half.
He was for single payer health care, which even Obama balked at pressing for, but Trump now claims he opposes ObamaCare.
It’s ironic that many of the same people now pushing Trump to the top in GOP polls hated Mitt Romney simply because he signed a liberal health care bill pushed by the left-wing legislature in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts.
♦ With less than 18 months to go before he has to head off into the sunset, we can expect Obama to speed up the release of Gitmo terrorists. My own suggestion is to turn the whole place over to Cuba. The Castro brothers have shown they know how to deal with those they view as troublemakers. In the past, those have been teachers, journalists, homosexuals and anyone who dared speak out on behalf of freedom. It would make for a nice change if those they dealt with, as only they know how, were actual villains.
♦ A friend of mine, Missouri’s favorite son Richard Ryan dropped me a note wondering whether, if Bruce Jenner ever goes missing, his picture will appear on a carton of half & half.
♦ Finally, I am considering getting rid of my blog and going to a monthly newsletter. Over the past 14 or 15 years, I have posted nearly 1,700 articles. Although I began asking for donations about three years ago, very few readers have kicked in anything. In fact, nobody in Idaho, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, Vermont, West Virginia or Wyoming, has ever sent me a dime, even though a contribution enrolls the donor in the monthly drawing for one of my books.
I do wish, though, to take this opportunity to thank those of you who have contributed, probably because they understood that I live in California, the open-air asylum, where gas goes for over $4-a-gallon and where the voters voluntarily raised our state income taxes to a record high simply because Jerry Brown said: "Pretty please."
I understand that you get to read other people for free, but most of them are making a decent living as professors, talk show hosts, writers and editors for conservative outlets or as Fox contributors. But keep in mind I’m on a fixed income and I still haven’t stooped to plastering my blog with those annoying pop-up ads for second-rate products and third-rate politicians.
Let us also keep in mind that I spend dozens of hours every week responding to your email, whether it's a question, a comment or even a criticism.
What I need to know is how many of you would sign up for a year’s worth of articles (150-175) for $100. I’m not asking for any money at this point. I’m only looking to count noses. You can let me know by sending me an email at BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.
As I see it, when so many of you will buy any book with Bill O’Reilly’s name on it and send money of your own volition to one of 17 GOP contenders vying for the nomination, if I’m not worth a hundred bucks, I’ve been wasting both my time and yours.
Martin O'Malley recently laid claim to the title of America’s Biggest Wuss when he apologized for suggesting that all lives matter and not just black ones. What he might have pointed out to the black thugs booing his comment was that black lives apparently only have value when they’re ended by cops. They certainly don’t seem to matter, judging by the response of race pimps like Barack Obama, Al Sharpton and Marilyn Mosby, when it comes to the thousands of black people shot and killed by other black people or to the hundreds of thousands of black babies aborted every year.
It doesn’t say much about all those black Americans who take to the streets every time a black criminal is killed by a cop doing his job, but they never seem to notice or to give a damn that 501 black babies are aborted for every thousand who are allowed to live.
♦ But blacks aren’t the only people who go through life wearing moral blinders. For instance, if I happen to know that when John Kerry was working on the nuclear agreement with Iran, he was sitting across the table from his very good friend Mohammad Javad Zarif, I have to assume that Obama, Biden and a great many senators, were also aware of it.
Apparently, Kerry and Zarif first hit it off when they met at a cocktail party hosted by the swinish George Soros at his New York penthouse a dozen years ago. It seems the two schmucks are so tight that Zarif’s son served as best man when Kerry’s daughter, Vanessa, tied the knot with an Iranian-American named Behrouz Vala Nahed, in 2009.
♦ While I’m divulging backgrounds, it might be worth mentioning that Cecile Richards, 57, the president of Planned Parenthood, is the daughter of the former governor of Texas, Ann Richards. During her checkered past, she was the deputy chief of staff for Nancy Pelosi, and founded the Texas Freedom Network, an organization formed to oppose the Christian right. To me, the only surprise is that the woman who oversees the largest abortion mill in the world is not only married, but is the mother of three.
It’s no surprise, though, that her husband, Kirk Adams, is an executive with the Service Employees International Union. In checking up on him, I discovered he is one of 15 SEIU officials pulling down between $165,000 and $333,000-a-year. That works out to nearly $1,600-an-hour. I only mention that because people like Adams, Obama and Mrs. Clinton, are always going on about how much money corporate officers earn compared to the salaries of their employees. Well, how do you think $1,600-an-hour for the fat cats compares to what the janitors and security guards, whose union dues pay their salaries, are making?
♦ Some of my readers have leapt to the defense of Donald Trump by insisting that the reason John McCain was shot down in Vietnam was because he had screwed up. If so, I’d suggest he couldn’t have been the only POW who did. But so far as I know, he was apparently the only one offered his freedom and the only one who turned it down because he refused to leave his men behind.
On the other hand, I resented that as a senator, McCain used his status to oppose enhanced interrogation. If he couldn’t tell the difference between having his bones broken just for the hell of it and waterboarding jihadists in order to gather information that could prevent another 9/11 or lead to the capture of Osama bin Laden, he’s a fool. A fool, I’d suggest, just like the former president of Mexico, who compared a fence at the border with the Berlin Wall. Because he was so morally myopic, he couldn’t tell the difference between a wall erected to keep illegals out and one built to keep East Germans in.
♦ Speaking of the border, someone sent me an email showing illegal aliens sneaking into the U.S. with a caption that read “Dear Mr. President, if 11 million illegals will help the U.S. economy, why didn’t they help the Mexican economy before they left?” I wrote back to say, they did help the Mexican economy.....by leaving!
♦ A friend sent me a copy of a letter that a father in Israel wrote to his two children, both of whom were considering attending college in America. He was warning them that they would likely face a great deal of antiSemitism.
Considering how widespread the BDS (boycott, divest, sanctions) movement has become -- particularly among college bureaucrats and liberal arts professors -- any Israeli parent who failed to follow his lead would be guilty of child abuse. The sole purpose of the vile movement is to paint Israel as a modern Nazi state, while portraying the Palestinians, who elected Hamas terrorists to lead them, as the good guys in the endless conflict.
In my response, I told the Israeli something he might not be aware of; namely, that on many American campuses, the movement is being led by Jewish students. These young imbeciles have been so completely brainwashed by their left-wing, addle-headed, professors that they’re now convinced that down is up, left is right and bad is good, just like those dupes whose brains had been sautéed by Big Brother in Orwell’s “1984.”
I say shame on the parents who have stood idly by while their kids were being transformed into useful idiots for Islam, just like their grandparents and great-grandparents, who played the same shameful role on behalf of Stalin and the Soviet Union.
♦ Finally, I’ll close with a couple of lines written by the poet John Milton back in the 17th century. “None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license.” He could be addressing the advocates of Planned Parenthood, summing up in 15 carefully chosen words the moral case against those who insist that somehow women’s health requires murdering a million babies a year.
In “Paradise Lost,” Milton had Satan, the fallen angel, explain his motivation this way: “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven,” self-defining words that might have been uttered by every tyrant down through the ages, including the one whose rump is currently perched in the Oval Office.
Barack Obama and John Kerry are taking bows for the deal they cut with Iran. I wonder how long it will take before they realize that being compared to Neville Chamberlain isn’t a compliment.
In an old joke, the president’s wife is asked: “Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?” Brought up to date, it would read: “But aside from Tel Aviv, Rome, London, Paris and New York, being nuked, President Obama, would you still insist it was a good deal?”
It is sometimes said about a deal that the Devil is in the details. In this instance, you will find the Devil on the signature lines.
The arrogance of this administration is that even at this late date, they are still sending Susan (“Pinocchio”) Rice out as their spokesperson. Have they never heard of the bromide: “Fool me nine times, shame on you. Fool me 10 times, shame on me”?
I know a lot of people think the explanation behind making the deal that had the Ayatollah dancing a jig in Tehran is that Obama is a Muslim who, for all his big talk, always intended to give Iran everything it wanted while demanding nothing, including the immediate release of American hostages, in return. But I respectfully disagree.
For one thing, Obama doesn’t attend services at a mosque. He doesn’t kneel down and pray to Mecca five times a day. He doesn’t observe Ramadan. He smokes, he drinks and I frankly believe he is a homosexual.
Besides, Democrats, some of them Catholic, some of them Jewish, some of them Protestants, very few of them Muslims, both in Congress and on the Supreme Court, support every item on his vile agenda.
What Obama is, I submit, is a corrupt black Chicago politician, who attended a racist, allegedly Christian, church for 20 years. He dislikes and distrusts white people, America and capitalism. So before I blame his odious behavior on his being a Muslim, you’d have to show me an inch of daylight between him and Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Al Gore, Dick Durbin, Harry Reid or George Soros, none of whom, I wager, has ever even read the Koran.
While it’s true that Obama refuses to confront Iran or ISIS, you may have noticed that he also avoids facing down Vladimir Putin, yet nobody ever suggests he’s a Russian, although clearly a Communist. He even let Putin know in 2012 that he’d be even more flexible after being re-elected. And sure enough, for once he was telling the truth, which is all Putin needed to know before invading Crimea.
As is the case with most liberals, the very notion of engaging in warfare makes Obama shake in his ballet slippers.
♦ I wish the media would stop referring to jihadists like Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez as lone wolves. These guys, along with mass murderers Adam Lanza, James Holmes and Dylann Roof, are all as crazy as bedbugs, but they also happen to be nerds, twerps and punks. In their sick fantasies, they yearn to be called lone wolves, which makes them sound like the sort of ass-kicking heroes one has come to associate with Liam Neeson’s screen characters. Instead, we should refer to them as lone skunks, lone weasels and lone cockroaches.
♦ Some people have asked me why I think so many American blacks have converted to Islam and taken part in savage attacks on behalf of ISIS. I believe there are two main reasons. One, Islamic clerics have free access to our prison population. Two, Islam encourages murder and rape of those they deem to be infidels. Therefore, it figures that those who have already exhibited violent behavior would be drawn to a belief system that rewards them with 72 virgins in Paradise rather than the 20 years-to-life they’d face in a civilized society.
♦ When all else fails, the Democrats can always be counted on to demand a raising of the minimum wage, which they continue to justify by calling it a living wage, which it was never intended to be. The irony is that these days, a number of unskilled workers are requesting fewer hours because they don’t want to earn too much, lest they jeopardize the government assistance they receive. Ah, the joys of the welfare state! It’s a godsend if you’re the ones receiving the goodies; something else altogether if you’re the suckers working to provide them.
♦ Speaking of lousy deals, LifeLock has been vowing to protect your personal data, including your Social Security number, your credit cards and your bank accounts, for years now. The one thing they have managed to keep under lock and key is the fact that in 2010, the Federal Trade Commissions and 35 states filed a judgment against the outfit, resulting in a ruling that they repay customers they failed to protect to the tune of $12 million.
It seems that the FTC is after them again for making false promises. Apparently, LifeLock does everything its commercials promise up to the time that someone in China gets around to swiping your data. It’s rather like a faulty parachute that works just fine until you decide to jump out of an airplane.
The irony, however, is that the feds came after LifeLock just a couple of weeks after we learned that hackers had swiped the personal information of 21 million Americans from federal computers. It’s just another reminder that people who work in marble buildings shouldn’t throw stones.
It leads me to suggest that over the portal of every government office building in Washington, D.C., they should engrave the words: “Do as I Say, Not as I Do.”
♦ Because I take some delight in reading amusing epitaphs, I was disappointed to learn that W.C. Fields’ tombstone does not read “I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
However, sometimes people do rise to the occasion. Billy Wilder’s marker refers the reader to his fadeout line in “Some Like it Hot”: “I’m a writer, but then nobody’s perfect.” The marker of Wilder’s good friend consists of “Jack Lemmon In.”
Merv Griffin, alluding to his decades-long TV career, reports: “I will not be right back after this message.” Rodney Dangerfield acknowledged his loud and sweaty presence with “There goes the neighborhood.”
At this point, I am thinking that my farewell address will be “After a lifetime of punctuality, I’m finally late.” But God willing, I will have additional time to work on it.
In the meantime, I would like to invite all of you to submit your own final words. The only rule is 12 words or less and no additional commentary. After all, if it requires an explanation, you’re going to have to have a recorded message running 24/7 at your grave site.
I will report on the top 10 submissions. The deadline, as it were, is two days after you read this.
Beggars Shouldn't Be Choosers
The worst thing about our elections is that Democrats win far too often. But the reason they do is because millions of people are voting who, in a sane world, would be disenfranchised. I realize that sounds terribly elitist, but why should people who rely on government handouts rather than their own efforts be allowed to elect those whom they bribe with their votes?
♦ Although I am as conservative as they come, I have no idea why we have a defense budget. For one thing, Obama refuses to even consider taking up arms against our existential enemies in the Middle East. For another thing, millions of Americans are quite willing to not only allow Iran to become a nuclear power, but only too happy to fork over $150 billion to help finance their worldwide terrorist activities. On top of all that, we have a Congress filled to the brim with Quislings who quake in their boots at the mere notion of going to war with the Ayatollah. So, what, really, is the point of having a military? It’s like paying good money not to have your appendix or your gall bladder removed, but in order to retain them.
♦ Recently, a reader asked me why I thought our politicians, including George Bush and Barack Obama, have spent years paying lip service to Islam in spite of the fact that so much of the violence taking place around the world, as well as here in America, can be traced to Muslims. Because I don’t believe Obama is a Muslim any more than I thought Bush was, I believe it’s because they both think it makes them appear to be morally superior to the rest of us. I happen to think they’re mistaken, and that it makes them look criminally naive. But, then, feeling as I do about Islam, I have long suspected that the snake in the Garden of Eden not only lowered its head and prayed to Mecca five times a day, but also swore off pork and alcohol.
♦ I don’t expect liberals to know anything about history, but it so happens that Japan attacked a single naval base and the U.S. went to war. Hitler invaded a single nation and Europe went to war. But the Muslims kill Christians, burn churches, butcher children, turn women into sex slaves, lop the heads off Spaniards, Brits, Frenchmen and Americans, and the West holds a conference at some luxurious resort!
♦ Another reader asked me if I would defund the National Endowment of the Arts if I could. I told him I would do that a minute after defunding Planned Parenthood. As I see it, the government has no business subsidizing any artistic endeavor. For one thing, by supporting one artist and not another, it’s guilty of censorship, a power denied it by the First Amendment. For another thing, in a nation numbering 320 million and counting, if an artist can’t support himself, he doesn’t deserve a government subsidy, what he requires is vocational guidance.
♦ Still another reader asked me why Obama can so easily reject anything Congress does or tries to do when the three branches of the federal government are allegedly co-equal. The reason is that the president is an individual who can be counted upon to always agree with himself, but there is no such unity of purpose in Congress. At least not on the Republican side of the aisle!
Besides, how can anyone think the executive and the legislative branches are equal when everyone is expected to stand up when the president enters a room, but only lobbyists leap to their feet when a senator or congressman strolls by?
♦ When I’m not busy writing articles or replying to my readers, I will sometimes find the time to write a letter or send an email to people in the news. Recently, I had occasion to address Fox’s Bret Baier and Megyn Kelly, along with Cecile Richards, the president of Planned Parenthood.
“Dear Ms. Richards,” I wrote, “I realize that as a man, I’m not expected to have any say when it comes to abortions, but the question that inevitably comes to mind whenever the topic is raised is why they are still needed.
“After all, Roe v. Wade has been the law of the land for half a century. Sex education in the schools has been taking place nearly as long. Therefore, when I see how prevalent and affordable birth control is in 2015, I find myself wondering how it is that a million abortions a year are still taking place.
“I would appreciate hearing what you have to say about it because it seems to me that by this time, abortions would have gone the way of high button shoes, Hula Hoops and Nehru jackets.”
♦ To Bret and Megyn, my two favorite Fox hosts, I wrote: “I wish to suggest that the arbitrary cutoff for this week’s debate makes no sense. If an hour and a half isn’t enough time, extend it by 30, 60 or 90 minutes. But all 17 contenders deserve their time on stage. If it calls for a double tier to accommodate them all, so be it.
“For one thing, the convention is still a long way off. For another, by limiting the participants to 10, you are arbitrarily deciding which seven will have little or no chance of breaking out of the pack. History tells us that those who are frontrunners 15 months before a presidential election generally aren’t on the ballot come Election Day.
“Finally, I have long contended that in its desire to be fair-and-balanced, Fox constantly ignores the fact that, unlike the monolithic liberals, conservatives come in assorted shapes and sizes. Most of us disagree on a wide range of issues, and a debate between two intelligent Republicans would better serve the interests of your viewers than simply rolling out a liberal like Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera or Juan Williams, to remind us, as if we needed reminding, how really stupid they are. Regards, Burt Prelutsky”
Richard Metz of Sumter, SC, won the July drawing. A copy of "Liberals: America's Termites" is on its way.