Friday, January 30, 2015

Movies, Morons & Muslims

Barack Obama continues setting free one Islamic terrorist after another in his rush to empty Gitmo, all the while insisting he has to get the place shut down because it is a major recruiting tool for the jihadists. The only problem with that explanation is that, like everything else he says, it’s a big, fat lie.

You see, the detention center wasn’t opened until January, 2002, four months after 3,000 Americans were killed on 9/11. By that time, the Islamists had already taken hostages in Iran; attacked three of our embassies in Africa and the Middle East, along with the U.S.S. Cole and the Marine barracks in Lebanon; initially bombed the World Trade Center in 1993 and, finally, the Islamic version of Pearl Harbor which took place on September11, 2001.

All of that was in addition to a score of isolated jihadist attacks beginning in 1972 that left 47 Americans dead.

So, if not Gitmo, what does Obama think was ticking off these barbarians during all those pre-Gitmo years? Could it have been rock ‘n’ roll? Maybe it was the capitalistic “Let’s Make a Deal.” Or perhaps it was Barbara Eden flashing her belly button on “I Dream of Jeannie”?

For reasons of its own, this administration refuses to identify the problem plaguing the West as Islam, pretending there’s simply no way to connect the dots between Boko Haram, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Taliban, ISIS, the Muslim Brotherhood, al Qaeda, Yemen, Syria and Iran.

Lest anyone think that Obama is the only high profile ignoramus around, we have Pope Francis not only pretending that global warming is the greatest danger facing the world, but has come up with a codicil to our First Amendment. Although he insists it shouldn’t be a capital crime to insult the faith of another, he does think that there should be a limit on free speech when it comes to insulting anyone’s religion. That would naturally include the religion that fosters jihad, honor killings and clitorectomies.

Inasmuch as Nazism and Communism have been regarded as religions by a billion numbskulls, I wonder if the Pontiff also considers them off-limits to insults and satire or is it only Islam and Catholicism that he regards as taboo topics?

Recently, while attempting to shoot down Mitt Romney’s attempt at a second run, Rand Paul said that Romney had received even fewer votes in 2012 than John McCain had received in 2008. While one can certainly sympathize with an overly ambitious politician’s attempt to discredit his competition, it would be nice if the smuggest person in the Senate got his facts straight. For the record, McCain received 59.9 million votes, Romney garnered 60.6 million.

Perhaps instead of trying to shut down Mitt Romney, Senator Paul could devote some time to shutting up his demented anti-Semitic father, Ron Paul.

On the other hand, Arizona’s straight-shooting Sheriff Joe Arpaio spoke the unvarnished truth when he said: “A liberal paradise would be a place where everybody has free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does, indeed, exist….It’s called prison.”

Recently, the North Korean hackers let the world know that behind his back, Hollywood big shots – namely, Sony executive Amy Pascal and producer Scott Rudin -- made racist jokes about Barack Obama, suggesting that the only movies he’d be interested in would be those involving blacks. For weeks on end, the sound of Hollywood liberals tsk-tsking over those comments was so loud, you could barely hear yourself think. In a desperate move to save her job, Ms. Pascal even crawled to Al Sharpton, begging the little shit for dispensation.

Well, in the wake of the Oscar nominations being made public, it seems that the Obamas have requested four films for their personal viewing in the White House screening room. The four were “Selma,” “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom,” “Lincoln” and “Beasts of the Southern Wild.” I think it’s high time that Ms. Pascal got off her knees.

Speaking of the Academy Awards, I have a few tips for those who will be placing bets on the winning actors and actresses. There are certain roles that can make all the difference, and I’ve used this knowledge to my financial advantage over the years.

For instance, the Academy voters always have a soft spot for those portraying mutes. Offhand, I recall that Jane Wyman, John Mills, Holly Hunter, Patty Duke, Daniel Day-Lewis and Marlee Matlin, all won Oscars without saying a single intelligible word. So did Jean Dujardin, but “The Artist,” if you recall, was shot as a silent movie, so that doesn’t really count.

The Academy, because it is full of narcissists, is so impressed by those who either gain or lose a lot of weight for a role or allow themselves to be made to look ugly or homely, they have sent Shelley Winters, Charlize Theron, Robert DeNiro, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, Ingrid Bergman and Ann Hathaway, home happy.

The Academy voters, much like those people who voted for Obama because he was black, like to feel good about themselves, so they actually think that when they give Oscars to Dustin Hoffman and Tom Hanks for portraying mentally deficient characters, it shows their hearts are in the right place.

Speaking of the Oscars, it figures that when the nominations were recently announced, Al Sharpton would throw one of his weekly hissy fits upon discovering that for the first time in years not a single black actor or actress is in the running. Therefore, he is demanding a meeting with studio executives to discuss possible repercussions for what he sees as blatant bigotry.

I must say he has his nerve. After all, blacks are no longer the largest minority in America. Whereas there are only 38 million blacks, there are now 54 million Hispanics. But you don’t hear Antonio Banderas, Jennifer Lopez, Javier Bardem, Benecio del Toro, Penelope Cruz, Sofia Vergara or Andy Garcia, whining like little babies because they didn’t get invited to the Hollywood prom.

On the same day that Sharpton schedules his meeting, I’m planning to call for a showdown of my own, demanding a full-court boycott of the all black NBA.

Finally, while watching Christopher Reeve transform himself time and again into Superman in four movies made between 1978 and 1987, it occurred to me how much has changed over the past few decades.

Thanks to cellphones, telephone booths have all but disappeared. Which means that if Clark Kent were around today, his crime-fighting exploits would be severely curtailed because he’d spend most of his time being busted for indecent exposure.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?