Monday, April 20, 2015

Fables, Foibles & Fibs


If the North Korean media is to be believed, Kim Jung-un learned to drive when he was still a toddler, won a yacht race when he was nine and, as an adult, once had 11 holes-in-one during a single round of golf. And that’s the yardstick by which North Korean school kids are supposed to measure themselves.

It’s easy enough for us to laugh at such nonsense. As folk lore, it takes its place among such tall tales as lumberjack Paul Bunyan, who could clear a forest single-handed; Superman, who could stop a bullet with his teeth; and Barack Obama, who, legend has it, was a constitutional scholar.

In Obama’s latest attempts to legitimatize the illegitimate, he has pledged solidarity with Cuban despot Raul Castro and spent well over a year trying to make nice with the Ayatollah Khamenei. And let us not forget that prior to the 2012 election, Obama got word to Vladimir Putin that he intended to give new meaning to “flexibility” -- or was it “sucking up”? -- once he dusted off Mitt Romney.

The fact that he has a soft spot for the vilest men on the face of the earth shouldn’t surprise anyone. After all, before even coming to Washington, his closest friends and advisors were pedophile/pornographer Frank Davis Marshall; the American-born terrorist William Ayres; the rabidly racist Rev. Jeremiah Wright; and the preeminent anti-Semite, Louis Farrakhan.

To get an even clearer view of this psychopath, consider those he despises. He began by having the bust of Winston Churchill removed from his sight. Then he took an immediate dislike to Benjamin Netanyahu and has spent most of his six years in office praising Islam, while treating Israel like a leper colony.

The only Muslim he has treated with contempt is Egypt’s President el-Sisi, who, to his credit, removed the Muslim Brotherhood from power and demanded that Egypt’s mullahs speak out against the jihadists who have, in el-Sisi’s own words, hijacked Islam.

Finally, when it comes to Obama’s enemy list, one shouldn’t overlook Christians, whom he hasn’t yet forgiven for the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition and, of course, insisting he abide by the limitations imposed by our Constitution.

Recently, Obama and the Ayatollah openly disagreed about the details of the nuclear deal. It figures that Iranians, the victims of a government-controlled media, believed the Ayatollah’s version. It also figures that after listening to Obama’s endless lies for the past six years, most Americans also believed the Ayatollah’s version.

Speaking of Obama’s lies, he promised to personally see to it that the V.A. would finally be treating wounded and aging veterans with the respect they deserved. However, a recent study reported that medical delays of 60-90 days are at the same level as they were when the scandal initially broke. Worse yet, the number of delays exceeding 90 days have doubled in the past year!

Once again, the facts bear out Reagan’s observation that government is not the solution; government is the problem.

I recently read about a pre-WWII community in New York, where the German-American Bund intended to promote Nazism as a way of life. I take it they intended to make Yaphank, NY, a model for the rest of the country. They even had streets named Hitler, Goering and Goebbels. Before you write it off as too shocking to believe, keep in mind that at some point we’re going to see any number of streets and schools re-named in honor of Barack Hussein Obama.

As you have no doubt been reading, California is suffering through one of our worst droughts in history. We don’t deserve your sympathy. For one thing, most of the country has spent the past several months dealing with cyclones, snowstorms and freezing temperatures.

But mainly we don’t deserve your sympathy because we keep electing Gov. Jerry Brown. The goofball still intends to waste billions on a train between L.A. and San Francisco. It’s a train that nobody will ever ride on because it only takes about six or seven hours to make the drive and because once you reach either city, you still need to rent a car. In the meantime, however, he hasn’t considered building even a single desalinization plant.

Everyone knows it costs a lot to remove the salt from water, but we have a state that is half desert, boasts a 700 mile coastline and suffers droughts on a recurring basis. The idea that we have billions of dollars to blow on Gov. Moonbeam’s train set and providing food and shelter for an endless parade of illegal aliens, but not a red cent to prevent the Golden State from going brown, is proof that California remains a state of mind closely resembling full-blown dementia.

How goofy is California? Let me count the ways. Over 60% of the registered voters are Democrats. Obama received 84% of the votes in San Francisco and the surrounding counties. In 2012, the techies who work in the Silicon Valley donated $720,000 to Obama’s campaign, $25,000 to Mitt Romney’s.

Finally, because even the liberal legislators in Sacramento weren’t raising our state taxes quickly enough to suit him, Brown put higher taxes on the ballot and got the thumb-sucking voters to pass the measure.

As promised in a recent article, I intend to devote space every so often to replying to comments and questions from my readers in the spirit of Abigail Van Buren.

“Dear Burt: In addition to being a great writer, I think you’d have been a great reporter, psychoanalyst or politician. Ray”

“Dear Ray: You’re too kind, but I’m not cut out to be any of those things. A reporter? I much prefer providing answers to asking questions. A psychoanalyst? Don’t let the beard fool you. I don’t want to spend my time with crazy people. A politician? As I said, I don’t want to spend my time with crazy people. Regards, Burt”

“Dear Burt: What kind of people would force others to play a role in their same-sex weddings? With bakers being forced to bake and photographers being forced to take pictures, what happens if I’m invited to one of these weddings and I don’t wish to attend? Will they sue me if I don’t go? Concerned in Cape May.”

“Dear Concerned: I don’t think they can make you show up. But I suspect you’ll hear from Eric Holder if you don’t at least check the bridal registry and send a gift. Burt”

“Dear Burt: What to do? My wife is a Democrat. Anxious in Wisconsin”

“Dear Anxious: One: Does your wife look anything like an elk? Two: Is a hunting accident out of the question? Burt”

“Dear Burt: I can’t stand my wimpy husband, but if I left him, I’d miss the perks, which include a lovely mansion on Pennsylvania Avenue, a battalion of servants, free use of a military jet, a 24/7 security detail and any number of exotic vacations. Still, I’m considering getting a divorce. Disgruntled in D.C.”

“Dear Disgruntled: All things considered, I’d suggest you hold off filing until January 20, 2017. In the meantime, you can join the rest of us in counting off the days until we, too, are finally liberated from the schmuck. Burt”

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.