Wednesday, April 22, 2015

"Who the Heck Isn't Running?" and "The Rolling Stone Gathers No Facts"

I, for one, am getting sick and tired of these over-produced announcements that so-and-so has deigned to run for president. We’ve known their identities all along and by now, unless I belatedly toss my hat in the ring, there are no surprises. At this point, what I’d really like to hear is that Chris Christie, Mike Pence, John Kasich, Mike Huckabee and Ben Carson, have decided not to run.

I hate to be viewed as a flip-flopper, but I have decided that Mike Flynn, the retired general who formerly headed up the Defense Intelligence Agency, might be more valuable as the Secretary of Defense than as president. In the meantime, Carly Fiorina has replaced Gov. Scott Walker at the top of my ticket. My reasons are two-fold. One, like Rick Perry in 2012, he has appeared to be unprepared for national politics. Two, everything I have heard from Ms. Fiorina has resonated with me. Although I prefer a governor to a senator for the top job, I am quite happy to have someone whose life experience is in the business world. In fact, if Mitt Romney hadn’t been a governor and been saddled with the albatross of RomneyCare, he and Ann might today be calling the White House home.

I must confess that I was blindsided by Fiorina. Even though she ran for the Senate out here in California, I paid very little attention to her campaign because I knew there was no way on earth she could defeat Barbara Boxer in a state where 60% of the registered voters, and 100% of the unregistered voters, are Democrats. In fact, the only good thing to come out of that campaign was that it knocked political blowhard Dick Morris, who confidently predicted a slam-dunk victory for Fiorina, off Fox News.

Of all the campaign announcements, Hillary’s was predictably the most embarrassing. It was a two-minute spot in which she didn’t appear until the 90-second mark. The opening consisted of a variety of people boasting of their new beginnings before Hillary got to lie about her own. So we had a couple who hoped to have greater success in the future housebreaking their dog; a couple of Spanish-speaking brothers who are starting a business, which naturally doesn’t require that they learn English; and, predictably, a homosexual couple who are looking forward to a summer wedding.

For Hillary’s part, although you might have expected her to mention that she is still hoping to housebreak or at least neuter Bill, who happens to be 13 in dog years, she pretty much limited herself to telling hard-working Americans that the deck is still stacked against them because the rich (Republicans, that is) have it in for them. Frankly, I don’t see why hard-working Americans would want to hear a pep talk from a woman whose family has accrued $200 million, not to mention a family foundation worth two billion dollars, without ever having done a single day’s worth of hard work.

The money aside, I am dying to find out what achievements she is going to brag about over the next 18 months. As First Lady, she gave us HillaryCare, which was the blueprint for the Affordable Care Act. As a senator, she strongly supported the Iraq War, which, you would think, would be reason enough for the Democrats to burn her in effigy.

As the Secretary of State, she pressed the re-set button with Russia, agreed with Obama’s decision to withdraw all of our troops from Iraq, pushed for a nuclear deal with Iran and announced that it made no difference to her who killed four Americans in Benghazi.

Finally, as someone who was setting the groundwork for her campaign with the customary book tour, she told us a whopper about being broke when she and Bill left the White House. But she neglected to mention that she jeopardized America’s security by using a private email server, lest anyone ever find out the truth about Benghazi or about the millions of dollars flowing into the family foundation from unfriendly nations while she was serving as the Secretary of State.

According to no less an objective authority than Chelsea Clinton: “It’s important for symbolic reasons” to elect a female president. Well, the last time we elected a symbol, we stuck ourselves with Barack Obama. But if we’re going to have a woman at the helm, as I say, I’d prefer to see Carly Fiorina, who seems to be in the mold of Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher and not another Nancy Pelosi or Barbara Boxer.

Unfortunately, too many women – particularly those who are young and unmarried – will vote for Mrs. Clinton for no other reason than that she fully endorses federally-funded abortions on demand.

Morality aside, the one inescapable conclusion I have glommed from the fact that one million abortions continue to take place every year in America is that sex education classes have been an abject failure.

The time and money spent showing the school kids how to put a condom on a banana have been a total waste, leading them to believe, apparently, that it’s produce, not people, that must be prevented from engaging in unprotected sex.

The Rolling Stone Gathers No Facts

When the Rolling Stone devoted a great deal of space to a cocked-up story about a gang rape that took place at a University of Virginia frat house, they had a pretty good idea it never happened. After all, they knew that the reporter had not spoken to anyone but the alleged “victim.” Even the Stone wouldn’t cover a traffic accident without interviewing those involved, the police and any eye witnesses. All of that is covered in the first week of Journalism 101.

However, all the rules are tossed out when the story involves any of the left’s favorite narratives. So if black hooligans riot, it’s reported as if it were an insurrection of slaves in 1850 Mississippi. If a white cop shoots a black thug, it’s reported as if it’s 1950 Mississippi. And if college boys are accused of rape, it’s assumed the rape actually took place, although even government statistics indicate that it’s just about as likely that the sex was consensual and that the coed woke up the next day, entertaining second thoughts.

Keep in mind I’m not diminishing the horror of rape. In fact, I have long proposed that actual rape, along with child abuse, would be a capital offense in a civilized society. That’s because it can never be defended on the grounds that a bank robber was merely trying to support his family, that a teenage car thief couldn’t resist showing off for his girlfriend or a killer was acting in self-defense.

A reader recently asked me why so many people, particularly Republicans, are so reluctant to refer to black-on-white or even black-on-black crime, but will leap at the chance to pretend that white-on-black crime is rampant in America. I replied that white people, politicians in particular, are terrified of being called racists. What makes their concern so peculiar is that no matter what they say or do, blacks and other liberals will always label them as such. As I see it, being someone that Obama, Holder or Sharpton, calls a racist is a commendation. But leave it to craven Republican politicians to worry about people who will never vote for them not voting for them!

Speaking of Democrats, they’re fond of repeating the mantra that all lives matter when expressing their solidarity with the likes of Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown, but suddenly when the victims are those not yet born, they don’t seem to matter quite so much. In fact, to listen to the head of the DNC, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, they don’t matter at all. As for Barack Obama, he made his own feelings clear when he was still taking up space in the Illinois legislature and voted to legalize the killing of those babies who survived a botched abortion.

I keep receiving messages from my readers insisting that Obama is a Muslim. As proof, they send me photos of him holding up his index finger as a symbol of solidarity with the followers of Islam. Or they’ll explain it’s why he is so reluctant to confront Islamic terrorists or to even call them Islamic.

I have no idea if he’s a Muslim. I don’t even care. How much worse would it make him? I mean, he attended Reverend Wright’s church for 20 years and listened to sermons damning America, white people, Jews and Israel. Would it really have been worse if he’d spent two decades attending services in a Chicago mosque?

Besides, he also refuses to confront Vladimir Putin. He won’t even supply Ukraine with arms so they can defend themselves against Putin’s aggression. Should we take that to mean that Obama was born in Minsk?

What I assume is that he inherited his father’s hatred of white people. Isn’t it enough that Obama despises America and has only contempt for those who gave us a Constitution that never mentioned the redistribution of wealth, and that he openly despises those Judeo-Christian values that inspired the Founding Fathers?

On April 15th, I happened to drive past a church billboard that read: “Thank you, God, that tax day is only one day a year.” If I hadn’t been running late, I would have stopped and pointed out to the resident minister that we live in California, where every day is tax day, thanks to Jerry Brown and his sock puppets in Sacramento.

Because I like to share other people’s observations nearly as much as I do my own, I thought it worthwhile to let you know that Anatole France once advised people to never lend books. “Nobody,” he pointed out, “ever returns them. The only books I have in my own library are those which people lent me.”

Speaking of books, Lily Tomlin once asked: “Why if you read a lot of books, you’re considered well-read, but if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well-viewed?”

Ms. Tomlin also wondered, “Why is it that when we talk to God, we’re said to be praying, but when He talks to us, we’re called schizophrenic?”

And, finally, Anne Lamott observed: “You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

I see her point. For my part, though, inasmuch as that happens to be my criteria for picking my friends, I don’t see why it shouldn’t be the same for my God.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?