Monday, July 27, 2015

The Deal to End All Deals


In his hour-long defense of the indefensible deal that had the Ayatollah Khamenei dancing in Tehran, Barack Obama called for Congress and the American people to consider it from every possible angle. But then our own Supreme Leader, the Ayatollah Obama, went on to say that he would veto any attempt to scuttle it, no matter what we all decided.

To do what he threatens would require that 34 Democrats in the Senate rush to uphold his veto. Were that to happen, each of them should be regarded as a Quisling and be forced to ring a little bell whenever he or she ventured out in public, alerting decent people that a plague carrier is in the vicinity. Right now, I am shopping for just such a bell so I can send it to Mrs. Clinton, who quickly endorsed the treaty that pretends not to be a treaty.

At the last minute, Obama allowed Iran to remove the ban on ballistic missiles, but did nothing to compel Iran to release four American hostages. He then got his nose out of joint when a reporter dared to ask him why he didn’t even try. After several seconds spent seething at such impertinence, Obama said it might have scuttled the deal. It’s my guess, however, that it was because all four are Christians and none of them are black. Time and again, he has shown that blacks and Muslims are the only Americans with whom he sympathizes.

A friend of mine was surprised that the Ayatollah didn't demand that Obama release more prisoners from Gitmo. I told him that the bigger surprise is that Obama didn't offer it as a signing bonus.

In discussing the $160 billion that we will be releasing to the regime that bankrolls most of the terrorism taking place in the world, Sen. Ted Cruz cleverly and correctly referred to it as the jihadist stimulus bill.

Jack Engelhard, writing in Arutz Sheva, managed to find a few silver linings in the agreement. To begin with, Israel is once again being recognized as David to Iran’s Goliath, and can no longer be depicted by the anti-Semites as a gigantic ogre lording it over the Hamas-dominated Palestinian swine.

Two, the deal even managed to unite Netanyahu and Herzog, the recent opponents in the Israeli election, in their mutual condemnation of the agreement. Moreover, Saudi Arabia and the other Sunni states finally came to recognize, at least temporarily, Israel as a partner, and not merely a scapegoat.

And finally, if the Democrats in Congress actually link arms to defend their president, having decided that partisanship counts for more than Israel’s survival and our own nation’s security, everyone will understand that they care more about Obama’s well-being than America’s. They will also belatedly grasp that it wasn’t just a few malcontents at the 2012 presidential convention who were booing loudly every time that Israel was mentioned.

I believe that those who support Chris Christie in his pursuit of the GOP nomination should keep in mind that if another hurricane hits the Jersey shore anytime soon, the schmuck will go rushing back into the arms of Obama.

While watching the video of the creature from Planned Parenthood, Dr. Deborah Nucatola, the group’s senior director of medical services, noshing on her salad and sipping her glass of wine, I nearly upchucked my own dinner. While discussing how carefully their abortionists go about crushing embryos in order to avoid destroying the tiny body parts they harvest for re-sale put some in mind of another doctor, Josef Mengele. For my part, I was reminded of Hannibal Lecter’s insistence on fava beans and a nice Chianti being the proper accompaniment to dining on human flesh.

Baltimore prosecutor Marilyn Mosby, who has spent the past several months demonizing and persecuting police officers over the death of Freddie Gray, has defended herself all along by insisting that she has no bias against the police because, after all, she hails from a family of cops. But it only recently came to light that her father, mother and uncle, had all been booted off the Boston police force for criminal behavior!

It would be like Al Capone’s kid claiming he would make a great district attorney because his father had had longtime dealings with law enforcement.

Speaking of law enforcement, Joaquin Guzman, the 5’6”drug czar better known as El Chapo (“Shorty”), crawled out of a mile-long tunnel that just happened to originate below his shower stall at the Altiplano Federal Penitentiary. Nobody can explain how it happened, least of all the prison guards, who are now driving around in new Lexus SUVs, sporting Rolexes and dating Mexican starlets.

It used to be that when people wanted to state how obvious something was, they’d ask a rhetorical question, such as “Is the Pope Catholic?” or “Does a bear poop in the woods?” In recent times, the questions have been updated to “Is the Pope a Communist?” and “Does Barack Obama poop on the Constitution?”

A reader recently asked me how I would sum up liberals without using obscenities. I acknowledged it would be difficult, but that I would give it a try. I came up with the following: A liberal is someone who thinks 14-year-olds should be able to have abortions behind their parents’ back; that eight-year-olds should be able to have their genitalia altered on a whim; and that marijuana should be legalized; but think nicotine is a weapon of mass destruction; that cigarette smoking is an act of terrorism; and believe there should be a 12-step program for those who drink soda pop.

Another reader asked me if I noticed that the camerawork in movies and TV has become very quirky. I admitted I hadn’t. Mainly what I’ve noticed is that directors and cinematographers are under-lighting every scene, including daylight exteriors. It’s as if they’re suffering under the delusion that they’ve re-invented radio.

Over the past couple of decades, the language Gestapo has done everything in its power to emasculate English, turning perfectly legitimate words into linguistic eunuchs. These days, like a child learning to cross streets, you are being warned to look both ways before opening your mouth.

Oddly enough, the NAACP is the one place where it is still acceptable to refer to blacks as Colored People. And inasmuch as the word that the same-sex marriage crowd enjoys clubbing the rest of us with is “homophobia,” I guess that means we can finally take a deep breath and return “gay” to its former meaning of happy and joyous; and once again refer to the sodomites as “homosexuals” or even “homos,” for short.

Finally, I think that most of us are at long last aware of the fact that when Obama vowed to radically transform America, he meant it exactly the way Bruce Jenner meant it when declaring that he is now and forever Caitlyn.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.


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