Friday, January 30, 2015

Movies, Morons & Muslims


Barack Obama continues setting free one Islamic terrorist after another in his rush to empty Gitmo, all the while insisting he has to get the place shut down because it is a major recruiting tool for the jihadists. The only problem with that explanation is that, like everything else he says, it’s a big, fat lie.

You see, the detention center wasn’t opened until January, 2002, four months after 3,000 Americans were killed on 9/11. By that time, the Islamists had already taken hostages in Iran; attacked three of our embassies in Africa and the Middle East, along with the U.S.S. Cole and the Marine barracks in Lebanon; initially bombed the World Trade Center in 1993 and, finally, the Islamic version of Pearl Harbor which took place on September11, 2001.

All of that was in addition to a score of isolated jihadist attacks beginning in 1972 that left 47 Americans dead.

So, if not Gitmo, what does Obama think was ticking off these barbarians during all those pre-Gitmo years? Could it have been rock ‘n’ roll? Maybe it was the capitalistic “Let’s Make a Deal.” Or perhaps it was Barbara Eden flashing her belly button on “I Dream of Jeannie”?

For reasons of its own, this administration refuses to identify the problem plaguing the West as Islam, pretending there’s simply no way to connect the dots between Boko Haram, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Taliban, ISIS, the Muslim Brotherhood, al Qaeda, Yemen, Syria and Iran.

Lest anyone think that Obama is the only high profile ignoramus around, we have Pope Francis not only pretending that global warming is the greatest danger facing the world, but has come up with a codicil to our First Amendment. Although he insists it shouldn’t be a capital crime to insult the faith of another, he does think that there should be a limit on free speech when it comes to insulting anyone’s religion. That would naturally include the religion that fosters jihad, honor killings and clitorectomies.

Inasmuch as Nazism and Communism have been regarded as religions by a billion numbskulls, I wonder if the Pontiff also considers them off-limits to insults and satire or is it only Islam and Catholicism that he regards as taboo topics?

Recently, while attempting to shoot down Mitt Romney’s attempt at a second run, Rand Paul said that Romney had received even fewer votes in 2012 than John McCain had received in 2008. While one can certainly sympathize with an overly ambitious politician’s attempt to discredit his competition, it would be nice if the smuggest person in the Senate got his facts straight. For the record, McCain received 59.9 million votes, Romney garnered 60.6 million.

Perhaps instead of trying to shut down Mitt Romney, Senator Paul could devote some time to shutting up his demented anti-Semitic father, Ron Paul.

On the other hand, Arizona’s straight-shooting Sheriff Joe Arpaio spoke the unvarnished truth when he said: “A liberal paradise would be a place where everybody has free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does, indeed, exist….It’s called prison.”

Recently, the North Korean hackers let the world know that behind his back, Hollywood big shots – namely, Sony executive Amy Pascal and producer Scott Rudin -- made racist jokes about Barack Obama, suggesting that the only movies he’d be interested in would be those involving blacks. For weeks on end, the sound of Hollywood liberals tsk-tsking over those comments was so loud, you could barely hear yourself think. In a desperate move to save her job, Ms. Pascal even crawled to Al Sharpton, begging the little shit for dispensation.

Well, in the wake of the Oscar nominations being made public, it seems that the Obamas have requested four films for their personal viewing in the White House screening room. The four were “Selma,” “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom,” “Lincoln” and “Beasts of the Southern Wild.” I think it’s high time that Ms. Pascal got off her knees.

Speaking of the Academy Awards, I have a few tips for those who will be placing bets on the winning actors and actresses. There are certain roles that can make all the difference, and I’ve used this knowledge to my financial advantage over the years.

For instance, the Academy voters always have a soft spot for those portraying mutes. Offhand, I recall that Jane Wyman, John Mills, Holly Hunter, Patty Duke, Daniel Day-Lewis and Marlee Matlin, all won Oscars without saying a single intelligible word. So did Jean Dujardin, but “The Artist,” if you recall, was shot as a silent movie, so that doesn’t really count.

The Academy, because it is full of narcissists, is so impressed by those who either gain or lose a lot of weight for a role or allow themselves to be made to look ugly or homely, they have sent Shelley Winters, Charlize Theron, Robert DeNiro, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, Ingrid Bergman and Ann Hathaway, home happy.

The Academy voters, much like those people who voted for Obama because he was black, like to feel good about themselves, so they actually think that when they give Oscars to Dustin Hoffman and Tom Hanks for portraying mentally deficient characters, it shows their hearts are in the right place.

Speaking of the Oscars, it figures that when the nominations were recently announced, Al Sharpton would throw one of his weekly hissy fits upon discovering that for the first time in years not a single black actor or actress is in the running. Therefore, he is demanding a meeting with studio executives to discuss possible repercussions for what he sees as blatant bigotry.

I must say he has his nerve. After all, blacks are no longer the largest minority in America. Whereas there are only 38 million blacks, there are now 54 million Hispanics. But you don’t hear Antonio Banderas, Jennifer Lopez, Javier Bardem, Benecio del Toro, Penelope Cruz, Sofia Vergara or Andy Garcia, whining like little babies because they didn’t get invited to the Hollywood prom.

On the same day that Sharpton schedules his meeting, I’m planning to call for a showdown of my own, demanding a full-court boycott of the all black NBA.

Finally, while watching Christopher Reeve transform himself time and again into Superman in four movies made between 1978 and 1987, it occurred to me how much has changed over the past few decades.

Thanks to cellphones, telephone booths have all but disappeared. Which means that if Clark Kent were around today, his crime-fighting exploits would be severely curtailed because he’d spend most of his time being busted for indecent exposure.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

"Abraham v. Muhammad" and "It's Official - I'm Not Running"


I am Jewish, but not very Jewish. I had Jewish parents and Jewish grandparents, but I am not religiously observant, don’t keep kosher and never even had a bar mitzvah because my secular parents left it up to me whether after six hours of junior high I wanted to spend my afternoons attending Hebrew school or playing ball.

I only mention this as a matter of full disclosure, so you will understand that when I take Israel’s side against its Arab and Muslim neighbors, it’s understood that I do so because it is a western-style democracy that shares America’s traditional values and not because it is a Jewish state.

When I hear liberals in the media, academia and the Protestant hierarchy, condemning Israel and taking up for its enemies, labeling Israel an apartheid nation oppressing the so-called Palestinians, I get the queasy feeling that I’m in a surrealistic universe as it might have been imagined by George Orwell and painted by Salvador Dali.

After all, Israel is so religiously tolerant that Arabs and Muslims serve in its legislative body. It guarantees freedom of speech, religion and financial opportunity to all of its citizens, whereas in neighboring states, Jews have been banished, Christians have been burned and crucified, women are stoned for adultery -- although not their male partners in sin -- and prevented from working or attending school. They also have to wear burkas in sweltering heat and are vulnerable to honor killings if they fall in love with a non-Muslim or even consider converting to another, less restrictive, faith.

If ever there was a clear line separating good and evil, this would be it. But our campus and cultural elitists nevertheless insist on siding with the barbarians and giving full vent to their inherent anti-Semitism, going so far as to insist that universities, corporations and individuals, divest themselves of investments in Israeli companies, even those turning out life-saving pharmaceuticals and medical devices.

I am not one of those Jews who wrap Jewish contributions to the world around myself like a comfort blanket, pretending that the accomplishments of others somehow reflect gloriously on me. But from strictly an objective point of view, when you compare the gifts that a few million Jews have bestowed on an unfriendly world compared to what billions of Arabs and Muslims have contributed, it is an embarrassingly lopsided competition.

In whatever field you can name, but particularly in medicine, science and the arts –both classical and popular – Jews have excelled. Even a partial list includes the likes of Albert Einstein, Milton Friedman, Felix Mendelsohn, Jonas Salk, Irving Berlin, George and Ira Gershwin, Richard Rodgers, Lorenz Hart, Oscar Hammerstein, Aaron Copland, Frank Loesser, Leonard and Elmer Bernstein, Paul Ehrlich, Boris Pasternak, J.D. Salinger, Norman Mailer, Charles Krauthammer, Nathan Rothschild, Sidney Howard, Benjamin Cardoza, Benjamin Disraeli, John Garfield, Marc Chagall, Louis Brandeis, Hedy Lamarr, the Marx Brothers, Levi Strauss, Jack Benny, Sidney Kingsley, Clifford Odets, George Burns, Danny Kaye, Arthur Miller, Bernard Malamud, Ayn Rand, Philip Roth, Baruch Spinoza, Paddy Chayefsky, Joseph Heller, George S. Kaufman, Moss Hart, Felix Frankfurter,Alan Jay Lerner, Frederick Loewe, Edna Ferber, Arthur Rubinstein, Edward G. Robinson, Sid Caesar, Sigmund Freud, Jon Stewart, Phil Silvers, Al Jolson, Billy Wilder, William Wyler, Joseph Mankiewicz, Jerome Kern, Bob Dylan, Haym Solomon, Stephen Sondheim, Kurt Weill, Harold Arlen, Benny Leonard, Hank Greenberg, Woody Allen, Richard Dreyfuss, Billy Joel, Isaac Stern, Yehudi Menuhin, Jascha Heifitz, Vladimir Horowitz, Billy Crystal, Milton Berle, Sholem Aleichem, Jerry Herman, Burt Bacharach, Albert and Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Tony Randall, Alan King, Larry Gelbart, Neil Simon, Jerry Seinfeld, Oscar Levant, Sandy Koufax and the young New York kids, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, who gave birth to the mild-mannered Clark Kent and his alter ego, Superman.

Let’s face it, without the Jews, Americans would be stuck singing and humming commercial jingles and we’d be about as funny as the Swiss.

It’s not as if Arabs and Muslims haven’t also made their mark on the world. They did, after all, introduce clitorectomies, suicide bombings and an intolerance of good-natured spoofing not seen since the Salem witch hunts.



IT’S OFFICIAL – I’M NOT RUNNING!

Although even Hillary Clinton, who vowed at the age of four to one day be President, is acting coy about making a run in 2016, I am trying to set a good example for others by announcing that under no circumstances will I be tossing my hat in the ring.

That being said, I don’t understand why so many Republicans who are also not running seem so upset at the prospect of Mitt Romney giving it another try. The notion that just because he failed to defeat John McCain for the nomination in 2008 or Barack Obama in 2012, he shouldn’t run again is just plain goofy. After all, any sane person would acknowledge that we have all lived long enough to rue the results of both those races.

Besides, when I was a kid, Abraham Lincoln, the first Republican president, was always being held up as a model of grit, all because between the years of 1832 and 1860, he ran and was defeated in eight elections for the state legislature, the House and the U.S. Senate. So how is it that persistence was a virtue back then, but is deemed wickedly self-indulgent today?

Understand that while I like and admire Gov. Romney, I have a list of Republicans I would enthusiastically support in 2016. I just don’t think it’s improper for Romney to consider waging another campaign. If anything, I give him credit for forgiving us our past mistakes and his willingness to let us make amends.

According to Aaron Goldstein, writing in the American Spectator, during a closed door meeting involving Barack Obama and Senate Democrats, Sen. Robert Menendez (D, New Jersey) pushed Obama to renew sanctions against Iran. He contended that in exchange for removing the original sanctions, Iran has shown no willingness during one year’s worth of negotiations to curtail its nuclear ambitions. In rebuttal, Obama said he was aware of the pressures placed on senators by their donors.

Menendez, who is brighter than the average Democrat, managed to break the code, understanding that by “donors,” Obama meant Jewish donors, Israel being the natural and most convenient target of Iranian nukes.

Sen. Menendez could, in turn, have accused Obama of caving to the pressures of wealthy environmental loons when it came to funding solar panel companies and General Motors with our tax dollars or nixing the Keystone pipeline, but he didn’t, so I will.

Neither did Sen. Menendez question Obama over his open animosity towards America’s only ally in the Middle East, Israel, and her prime minister, Bibi Netanyahu, so once again the task falls on my tiny shoulders.

However, these days, even the word “ally” has been sullied through misuse. For instance, even though Saudi money was behind 9/11 and even though Saudi Arabia considers the proper punishment for daring to criticize Islamic clerics to be 50 lashes a week for 20 weeks and that a death sentence is the only way to deal with those who convert to Christianity, our president, like his predecessor, continues to embrace these medieval creeps like long lost brethren.

Speaking of the man who refused to join arms with his fellow national leaders in the “Je Suis Charlie” demonstration in Paris, lest, perhaps, he might have found himself having to link arms with a Jew, Obama doesn’t even try to make a real case for emptying Guantanamo of its Islamic jihadists. Instead, he falls back on the old chestnut about Gitmo being a recruiting tool for our enemies, although to this day he refuses to identify just who those folks happen to be.

My question to him is whether he also favors shutting down San Quentin, Attica, Lewisburg, Leavenworth, Folsom and Sing Sing, because bank robbers, rapists and kidnappers, are using them as recruiting tools.

I wouldn’t want anyone to think that we’re the only nation saddled with a limp-wristed appeaser. David Cameron, who perfectly exemplifies the rapid decline of the human race when we consider that England has gone from the highs of Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher to the depths of Mr. Cameron in a relatively few decades.

After meeting with Obama, the Prime Minister emerged to report that he agreed that the best way to deal with the madmen of Iran was to bend over and touch his toes. Mr. Churchill would have been aghast, but Mr. Chamberlain would have nodded, winked and said, “That’s my boy.”

While recently watching a documentary about the Nazi blitz of Britain, it occurred to me that one simple way to distinguish between the good guys and the bad ones in any conflict is to see how they treat their children. During World War II when German bombs rained down on London, English parents sent their young ones off to the countryside and to Canada to ensure their safely, knowing that the separation could be for months, years or, worst case scenario, forever. The Germans not only did nothing to safeguard their own kids, they stuck them in oversized uniforms, handed them rifles and told them to defend the Fatherland.

Today, we see the Israelis doing everything in their power to protect their children while the vermin on the other side place their kids in harm’s way so that little mangled bodies are always among the victims when Israel finally retaliates against incessant missile attacks. As we saw recently, when a 10-year-old girl was used successfully as a suicide bomber, there is absolutely no depth to which the Islamists won’t stoop.

Finally, whenever I hear liberals attempt to make the case that the federal government and its legion of bureaucrats and experts know best how the rest of us should live, I recall that G.K. Chesterton’s clerical crime-solver Father Brown once sagely pointed out that the professionals built the Titanic, but it was an amateur who built the Ark.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Monday, January 26, 2015

"Wackos Here & Abroad" and "Jimmy Carter, Bought & Paid For"


As many of you know, I have long trumpeted my support of Scott Walker in the 2016 presidential race. Nothing has changed, but I wish to say that I supported Mitt Romney in 2012 and nothing has changed in that respect, either. I regard it as a surplus of riches that we Republicans will get to decide between those two and several others, whereas the Democrats seem to be stuck, like prehistoric animals finding themselves knee-deep in the tar pits, with two left-wing dinosaurs named Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren.

For those like Rand Paul, who wishfully dismiss Romney as a candidate past his shelf life, they should be reminded that last year in a mock election pitting Romney against Obama, Romney won in a cakewalk, indicating that millions of Americans rued their 2012 decision and wished they could prove they’d seen the error of their ways.

One thing for certain is that there is much that needs to be done in America to make things right and, thanks to Barack Hussein Obama, perhaps even more that needs to be undone.

Liberals, whose belief system is based on the misconceptions that government is the fount of all wisdom, that all cultures and religions are equally good, and that the differences between Americans and everybody else are never more than skin deep, are naturally at a loss when confronted by reality. That explains why they spend so much time ignoring facts by covering their ears and making loud humming noises when you try to talk sense to them.

For instance, if those who follow Islam are as peace-loving as those who are Christians, why is it that so many senseless murders are accompanied by shouts of “Allah Akbar!” and so rarely by anyone referencing Jesus Christ? Furthermore, if those shouting “Allah Akbar” as they mow down, behead and crucify infidels aren’t, as Obama and other liberals insist are not true Muslims, how is it the pinheads are always so quick to label those who kill abortionists true Christians?

And if we’re all the same under our skins, how it is that only the Islamics regard rape and the aforementioned crucifixions and beheadings, as a natural instrument of warfare?

For that matter, how is it that some of us regard dogs as members of our family while others, who are allegedly our civilized equals, regard them as merely an optional source of protein?

No matter what the adolescent “Kumbaya” crowd says, there are savages who would be right at home in the seventh century all around the planet. They are as different in every way that matters from us as we are from a field of cow pies. And I, for one, say: “Viva la difference!”

Even though he was a bartender at John Boehner’s favorite haunt, the Wetherington Country Club, I was surprised when I heard that Michael Hoyt planned to kill the House majority leader by spiking his booze. Reading as many mysteries as I do, I knew that poison was generally conveyed through food.

But once I looked into it, I discovered that alcohol just might be the quickest way to Boehner’s heart, as House colleagues have often been heard to remark that by late afternoon his breath reeks of a combination of Camel Ultra-Lights and scotch.

That led me to wonder if Boehner’s perpetually orange skin tones had less to do with a tanning salon or all that grass-mowing he insists he does when he’s back home in West Chester, Ohio, than with an alcoholic flush.

Booze might also explain the petulant way he dealt with two congressional colleagues who dared oppose his re-election to the Speakership by unceremoniously booting them off the powerful House Rules Committee.

Finally, if you recall the 2010 best seller, “The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven,” allegedly the true story of a child who died and then successfully completed a round trip to the Pearly Gates, it seems that the lad’s conscience has recently begun acting up. As a result, he has belatedly come clean at the age of 16, confessing he made it all up as a way to garner attention.

I’m not bragging, understand, but I never believed the tale. The first clue was that his name was Malarkey. I swear to God…Alex Malarkey.



"Jimmy Carter, Bought & Paid For"

There was widespread agreement that until Barack Obama came along, Jimmy Carter had a lock on the title of Worst President in American history. However, after he left office, an expensive publicity campaign waged by Habitat for Humanity tried to convince us that he had been magically transformed into a latter-day saint. Amazing what can be accomplished by simply snapping a few photos of a schmuck holding a hammer while standing on a stepladder.

But he’s no more a carpenter than he was a farmer. The man never got his hands dirty doing either. However, that doesn’t mean his hands aren’t dirty. In the 35 years since Ronald Reagan evicted him from the White House, Carter has become a bought-and-paid-for propagandist for Islam.

There’s no question that he’s an anti-Semite, but what is extraordinary is the amount of money he has managed to rake in by turning a despicable state of mind into a fulltime occupation.

I find it hard to believe he was sincere when he wrote a book condemning Israel as a “racist apartheid nation,” as it required him to ignore the fact that Israel is the only nation in the Middle-East that is not only tolerant of other religions, including Islam, but goes so far as to allow Arabs to be elected to its governing body, the Knesset.

No matter what he actually believes, the Arabs and Muslims are extremely appreciative of his efforts. In 2005, alone, Saudi Arabia’s King Fahd contributed $7.6 million to the Carter Center, while his nephew, Prince al-Waleed bin Talal, kicked in another $5 million. And all these years later, Carter continues to receive an annual check from the Saudis.

Carter, who never refused to pick up money lying in the gutter, even accepted $1 million from the bin Laden family.

As far back as 2001, Carter went to Dubai to accept the Zayed International Prize and the $500,000 that went with it. Dubai, by the way, is a country where Jews are not permitted, but it was Israel that Carter dubbed “a racist apartheid state.”

Dubai, a virulently anti-Semitic nation, had a book written by a Frenchman translated into Arabic and distributed throughout the Middle East. The book’s major premise was that 9/11 was a scheme hatched and carried out jointly by the CIA and Israel’s Mossad. It is also a country that acts as a magnet for Holocaust deniers, which makes it something of a Mecca for the likes of Jimmy Carter.

You might think that Carter is being over-paid for his services, but ex-presidents don’t come cheap, as borne out by the speaking fees Bill Clinton has racked up over the past 14 years.

While I disagree with Saudi Arabia’s politics, I have to give credit where it’s due. It seems the Saudis are in the midst of erecting a 600 mile long wall along its northern border with Iraq in order to keep ISIS out. It will have five layers of fencing, complete with watchtowers, night-vision cameras and radar. Gee, why didn’t we think of that?

Although Obama and his minions continue to insist that no matter the nature of the violence and no matter how loudly the barbarians shout “Allah Akbar!” as they gut and behead Christians and Jews, it has nothing to do with Islam, Turkey’s strongman, Recep Erdogan, disagrees. He says: “The term ‘moderate’ used in conjunction with Islam is offensive and an insult to our religion. There is no moderate or immoderate Islam. Islam is Islam and that’s it.”

Naturally, Obama takes exception to that statement, just as he denied that those who are killing all the non-believers in Iraq, and who refer to themselves as the Islamic State and their mission as the creation of an Islamic caliphate, have any connection to Islam. But, then, this is the same putz who dismissed the massacre at Fort Hood as“workplace violence.”

If he actually believes the crap he spews, it can only mean that he knows as little about Islam as he knows about Christianity and Judaism. On the other hand, if he’s lying, which, based on his record, seems far likelier, it means that the only religion he cares about is the one that’s out to destroy the rest of us.

That would certainly explain why when a State Department spokeswoman was asked if being a member of ISIS or al Qaeda is reason enough to have one’s U.S. passport revoked, her spine-chilling answer was a resounding “No.”

But the State Department is hardly the worst federal department, at least not so long as Eric Holder is running the Justice Department. Its latest unconstitutional overreach is something called Operation Choke Hold. Although its stated purpose is to deny banking privileges to escort services, suspected drug dealers and child pornography rings, it has not too surprisingly widened its targets to include legal gun dealers.

My own proposal is a piece of legislation stating that any politician, including the president, the attorney general and any member of Congress, who makes any attempt to nullify the Second Amendment be denied tax-supported armed bodyguards, including the Secret Service. If the rest of us are to be denied guns with which to protect ourselves, I say let the weasels see how they like trying to defend themselves and their families with sticks and stones.

Speaking of those who were born to be ridiculed, someone sent me an email pointing out that if Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown and Eric Garner, had been killed while serving in the military, the unholy trio of Obama, Holder and Sharpton, wouldn’t even know their names, let alone refer to them as martyrs.

Finally, every time I see or hear the treasonous horse-faced John Kerry on TV, I find myself wishing that he would one day be entered in a stakes race, and after running dead last, be claimed by a glue factory.

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Friday, January 23, 2015

Tidbits & Ironies


I am like a squirrel but instead of storing nuts in a hollow tree trunk for future consumption, I store idle thoughts away in my in-box. Then one fine day, I decide it’s time to empty the contents on an unsuspecting world. This is that day.

To start with, a doctor friend of mine informed me that while taking a patient’s history before performing an appendectomy, he discovered she was receiving Social Security disability and was on Medicare/Medicaid, but the only ID she had other than the benefit cards was a Mexican voter photo ID.

When my friend, who speaks Spanish, asked her if photo IDs were required to vote in Mexico, she said they were because the Mexicans didn’t want people who were in Mexico illegally to be able to vote. Apparently she thought that was only sensible, as do I, but unlike her, I’m aware of the irony.

In Greensboro, North Carolina, a black lawyer named Larry L. Archie has paid for a billboard that reads: “Just Because You Did It Doesn’t Mean You’re Guilty.” Now that’s what I call an honest lawyer, though not necessarily an honest man.

It doesn’t mean anything, but I find it odd that a century ago, Russia was saddled with a creep named Rasputin and today it’s run by a creep named Putin. At this rate, in another hundred years, they’ll probably be stuck with some schmuck named Tin.

I’ve heard that HarperCollins is reconsidering its decision to print an atlas to be sold in the Middle East that doesn’t include Israel in its pages. It makes for interesting speculation. Would HarperCollins be willing to remove South Korea from atlases sold in North Korea? Would they be open to Putin’s request to place Ukraine within Russia’s borders? Or to the Islamic demand that London be renamed Londonistan?

In “Fiddler on the Roof,” one of the songs has a lyric: “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.” Perhaps the folks at HarperCollins could adapt it to “Mapmaker, mapmaker, make me a map” and use it in their commercials.

Recently, I heard rumors that Hillary Clinton had a hissy fit when she heard that her husband had been involved with teenage sex slaves. I can’t imagine why at this late date she would have a reaction to anything involving Bill’s penis. But it did get me pondering how rarely politicians and their wives get divorced. Only a few come readily to mind: Newt Gingrich, Mark Sanford and Ronald Reagan. And in Reagan’s case, he and Jane Wyman split before he entered politics.

It doesn’t make sense. I mean, millionaires get divorced, movie stars get divorced, divas get divorced, so why not politicians? The fact is that some of those other people are not only rich, but, unlike politicians, are good-looking and have discernible personalities. It makes you wonder: When politicians tie the knot, do they merely pledge vows like the rest of us or do they take blood oaths?

In the wake of the recent French massacres, while Obama was on the hustings campaigning for no-fee community colleges and President Hollande was assuring everyone that the jihadists spilling all that innocent French blood had nothing whatever to do with Islam, it took Egypt’s President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, a Muslim, to confront his nation’s imams and call for a religious revolution.

Of course Obama already disapproves of Sisi because, as a general, he had led a military coup that toppled the Muslim Brotherhood. Whereas any other American president would have applauded the action, Obama cut off foreign aid to the one Muslim nation that isn’t a theocratic sewer led by those determined to kill us.

Speaking of Muslims, I am getting awfully tired of those in the West, nearly always liberal secularists, who insist they can tell the difference between good Muslims and bad ones. To me, pretending that most of Allah’s followers are MINOs (Muslims in name only) is as childish as pretending Islam is a peaceful religion. Still, I agree that there are two kinds of Muslims, though, those who’d slice the throat of any infidel and those who would merely applaud their efforts.

Like most “wealth distributors,” Elizabeth Warren talks the talk, but takes a nap or gives a speech whenever it’s time to walk the walk. As of 2012, when she had to disclose her finances because she was running for the Senate, her net worth was $14.5 million and she lived in a home valued at five million dollars. In 2009, when, between her Harvard salary and her stock investments, she made $980,000, this great champion of the poor and needy donated a measly two percent to charity.

Speaking of money, I suppose we’re all aware of the trick that inflation can play on finances. In one era, a man can raise a family comfortably on an annual income of $2,000 and years later, he wouldn’t be able to pull it off on $25,000. But I recently saw a couple of movies that really drove the point home.

In “The More the Merrier” (1943), before falling for Joel McCrea, Jean Arthur is engaged to a stuffy government bureaucrat whose most notable selling point was his $8,000-a-year salary.

In “Charade” (1963), four thieves spend the better part of 18 years in pursuit of a treasure worth $250,000. It’s true that by the end of the movie, three of them are dead, along with a fifth thief who had gotten to the gold first. But, still, four men devoting 18 years in hopes of splitting $250,000 works out to $3,472-per man-per-year. Keep in mind that in 1963, the average income was $4,396. So, if instead of chasing around Europe and giving Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn a hard time, they had gone to work for the Post Office, they’d have had homes, cars and a little something put away for a rainy day.

I saw a photo of Mt. Rushmore recently and found myself wondering if, early on, Jefferson’s nose had fallen off, they would have cancelled the entire project.

A reader, Tanya Caligiuri, sent me a joke I thought worth sharing: It seems Al Sharpton was at Sears shopping for a new washing machine and, as usual, raising a ruckus with a salesman. Hoping to calm things down, the manager rushed over and asked Sharpton what the problem was.

“The problem,” Sharpton replied, “is that all the machines are off-white, egg-white or white-white.”

“Well, Reverend, it’s true that the machines are white, but if you’ll open the lids, you’ll be happy to see that all the agitators are black.”

It occurred to me that a man needs two goals: One that he can actually achieve and one to which he can merely aspire. The first will convince him that anything is possible, while the second will prevent him from resting on his laurels.

In emptying my in-box, I have achieved my first, leading me to momentarily believe I can prevent it from ever getting that crowded again.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Lessons Worth Learning


A friend, knowing how strongly I object to politically correct speech, which I regard as self-censorship, sent me ammo in an email. He reminded me that the same Obama-Holder federal government that has deprived the Washington Redskins of its constitutionally-guaranteed trademark protection has Tomahawk cruise missiles, along with Apache, Blackhawk, Kiowa and Lakota, helicopters. For good measure, the same holier-than-thou hypocrites saw nothing wrong with employing “Geronimo” as the code name for the Navy Seal attack that killed Osama bin Laden.

Until one of my readers called my attention to the group, I had been unaware of "Anonymous," an international affiliation of cyber-hackers. He was alerting me to the fact that in the wake of the massacre of the French journalists, the Belgian branch of Anonymous has tossed down the gauntlet, announcing to the Islamic terrorists, via a video: “You will not impose your sharia law in our democracies, we will not let your stupidity kill our liberties and our freedom of expression. We have warned you; expect your destruction. We will track you everywhere on the planet, nowhere will you be safe. We are Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forget. We do not forgive. Be afraid of us, Islamic State and al Qaeda – you will experience our vengeance.”

They vow to track down all jihadist activities online and to close down their accounts on Twitter, YouTube and Facebook.

And unlike the way Obama invariably draws his red lines with invisible ink, apparently when Anonymous makes a threat, they follow through. Since coming into existence in 2003, they have wreaked havoc on the Church of Scientology, the Westboro Baptist Church and a great many child porn sites. Unfortunately, proving that nobody’s perfect, they have supported WikiLeaks and the Occupy Wall Street movement.

After publishing three collections of interviews, “The Secret of Their Success,” “Portraits of Success” and “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” my wife Yvonne asked me what I had taken away from meeting and picking the brains of nearly 200 highly accomplished people who had made their mark in politics, religion, movies, TV, music, literature and business.

Because their stories were all so different and because the interviews had been conducted over a number of years, I was stuck for an answer. I was actually forced to re-read the books and take notes. But, finally, I was able to come up with 10 lessons that, collectively, the two hundred taught me:

Although only a small handful of these people were born into wealth, money was very rarely a prime motivator. (I know -- I was highly skeptical, too. But when I kept hearing it from one person after another, it began to sink in that if they had only cared about money, most would have given up long before they made any.)

It was the passionate pursuit of their dreams that propelled them to success. So even though only two of them, Catholic priest and onetime head of the Humanitas Society John Catoir, and minister and onetime presidential candidate, Pat Robertson, had what is generally regarded as a calling, all of them seemed to share the same sense of personal destiny.

Those of modest means may doubt it, but fame and fortune do not make people immune to many of the same problems, frustrations and tragedies, that plague the rest of us. Some of these people have lost or very nearly lost all of their money, others have tragically lost their beloved children.

Those who cope successfully with whatever problems befall them are those who see setbacks as challenges and temporary detours. They may be delayed, but they are never permanently derailed.

Age is a number, not an excuse. Some of these people were changing career paths at an age when others would be planning their retirement.

Becoming successful is often easier than remaining successful if only because it’s easier to compete with others than with oneself.

If these people have any one trait in common, it is the ability to be a self-starter.

Art Linkletter, one of my subjects, once sagely observed that old age is not for sissies. Neither is success. Only the terminally goofy believe it’s all a matter of dumb luck. Those who achieve success create their own luck through extraordinary self-discipline, long hours and hard work.

Even the most successful people experience failure, but what separates them from the crowd is that they don’t wallow in self-pity. They don’t blame others. They don’t say “Why me?” because they know the inevitable answer is, “Why not you?” They accept that life is rarely if ever fair. But instead of whining about it, they do as the old Jerome Kern tune suggests: they pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start all over again.

Finally, several of these people sing, dance or act, for a living. They do things that seem like a lot of fun. But a great many others put on a suit and tie, go to an office and have meetings with other people wearing suits and ties. What I discovered to my surprise was that they were also having fun. The secret of their success was that their work was also their play. Even the oldest among them was still astonished that they actually got paid to have such a swell time.

But even if you’re never rich or famous, there are other consolation prizes
that life offers the runner-ups. For instance, in my own case, I have a wonderful wife, good friends, the world’s best dog, and how many people can boast that along the way Fred Astaire danced just for them, Oscar Levant played piano just for them and Tiny Tim sang “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” just for them?

In the immortal words of George Bailey, “Thanks, Clarence.” It really is a wonderful life.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.

Monday, January 19, 2015

"Bye-Bye, Babs" and "Abraham v. Muhammad"


I got such a lift from the midterm elections that I have only recently returned from the stratosphere, leading some people to wonder if I took off again when I heard that Barbara Boxer would not be seeking a fourth term in 2016. I’m afraid not. There is a world of difference between Democrats losing elections and simply retiring, which isn’t to say I’ll miss seeing or hearing Boxer, whose speaking voice was nearly as off-putting as the liberal malarkey she spewed.

Whether we’re speaking about Barbara (“Call me Senator”) Boxer or Henry (The Garden Gnome) Waxman, their retirement only means that a younger, but equally pigheaded leftist will replace them. Until those who kept re-electing these louts for several decades are retired, we shouldn’t expect any miracles.

In the aftermath of the massacre at Charlie Hebdo, a puerile French magazine that only Muslims could take seriously enough to be offended by, Bill Donohue, President of the Catholic League, said of its slain editor, Stephane Charbonnier, 47: “It is too bad he didn’t understand the role he played in his tragic death. Had he not been so narcissistic, he may still be alive.”

Perhaps along with being unaware that he should have said “might still be alive,” the arrogant dunce, Donohue, must have assumed that Charbonnier had already forgotten that the magazine was fire-bombed in 2011 after it had run an earlier cartoony depiction of Muhammad. Even the editor of a silly magazine, Mr. Donohue, deserves credit for having courage and principles.

Instead of spitting on the dead man’s grave, Donohue might have spent his time more productively asking, as reader Rick Donoho, did: “How is it that so many Americans insist that when these lunatics kill in the name of Islam, they aren’t really Muslims? Also, why is it that so many murderers insist they are Muslims and so few claim to follow any other religion?”

Good questions. Also, have you noticed that whenever lunkheads choose to defend Islam by attacking Christianity as being equally bloodthirsty, they either bring up the Spanish Inquisition as if it took place last Thursday or they mention the few self-identified Christians who have killed abortionists?

Well, since 1982, there have been eight murders attributed to the anti-abortionists; among the victims were four doctors, two clinic employees, a security guard and a clinic escort. There have also been 17 attempted murders.

I happen to oppose murder, whether it’s committed by a surgeon or by an anti-abortion zealot, but it should be noted that over the course of those same 33 years, approximately 50 million abortions have been performed in this country. It should also be noted that not one of the eight murders or 17 attempted murders was motivated by a cartoon -- but by the taking of innocent human life -- even though Jesus Christ is defamed by either word or picture on a regular basis.

Getting back to the massacre in France, it’s heartening to see so many people in Paris carting around “Je Suis Charlie Hebdo”signs indicating their solidarity with those journalists butchered by Muslims, but it would be even more heartening if the French, who have such a long history of anti-Semitism, would start carrying signs reading “Je Suis Juif,” indicating a solidarity with the Parisian Jews who were murdered at a kosher market in the wake of the initial massacre.

Twice in the distant past, Europe fought off the Islamic invaders. But that was then and this is now. In just about every capital city, the host nations have chosen to ignore what are called no-go zones. These refer to the Muslim enclaves, virtual microstates governed by Sharia law, where even the police, fire-fighting and ambulance services, are denied entry.

In London, the Muslims refer to the city as Londonistan. In France, there are 751 locales, referred to euphemistically as Sensitive Urban Zones, which are controlled by France’s five million Islamists and where non-Muslims are forbidden to tread. These urban sewers exist not only in Paris, but in Lyons, Marseilles and Toulouse.

Of course the European politicians try to pretend that this is what religious tolerance looks like, but just like our own politicians who keep referring to Islam as a religion of peace, they are motivated solely by moral and physical cowardice.

It’s nothing new, of course. Back in the 1930s, Hitler recognized them for the gutless wonders they were. So long as he stayed within the borders of Germany, nobody saw any reason to intervene on behalf of the Jews, Catholics, Gypsies, homosexuals or the physically or mentally handicapped, that he was butchering. Even America sat by until the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor at the end of 1941, forcing us to declare war on Japan, and Germany to then declare war on us.

But at least Hitler had only been up to no good since 1933. Islam has been a cancer on the world for 1,500 years.

I hate to say it, but it seems fairly obvious that Muslims are far more willing to fight and die in order to destroy freedom and liberty than we in the West are to fight and die in their defense.



ABRAHAM v. MUHAMMAD


I am Jewish, but not very Jewish. I had Jewish parents and Jewish grandparents, but I am not religiously observant, don’t keep kosher and never even had a bar mitzvah because my secular parents left it up to me whether after six hours of junior high I wanted to spend my afternoons attending Hebrew school or playing ball.

I only mention this as a matter of full disclosure, so you will understand that when I take Israel’s side against its Arab and Muslim neighbors, it’s understood that I do so because it is a western-style democracy that shares America’s traditional values and not because it is a Jewish state.

When I hear liberals in the media, academia and the Protestant hierarchy, condemning Israel and taking up for its enemies, labeling Israel an apartheid nation oppressing the so-called Palestinians, I get the queasy feeling that I’m in a surrealistic universe as it might have been imagined by George Orwell and painted by Salvador Dali.

After all, Israel is so religiously tolerant that Arabs and Muslims serve in its legislative body. It guarantees freedom of speech, religion and financial opportunity to all of its citizens, whereas in neighboring states, Jews have been banished, Christians have been burned and crucified, women are stoned for adultery -- although not their male partners in sin -- and prevented from working or attending school. They also have to wear burkas in sweltering heat and are vulnerable to honor killings if they fall in love with a non-Muslim or even consider converting to another, less restrictive, faith.

If ever there was a clear line separating good and evil, this would be it. But our campus and cultural elitists nevertheless insist on siding with the barbarians and giving full vent to their inherent anti-Semitism, going so far as to insist that universities, corporations and individuals, divest themselves of investments in Israeli companies, even those turning out life-saving pharmaceuticals and medical devices.

I am not one of those Jews who wrap Jewish contributions to the world around myself like a comfort blanket, pretending that the accomplishments of others somehow reflect gloriously on me. But from strictly an objective point of view, when you compare the gifts that a few million Jews have bestowed on an unfriendly world compared to what billions of Arabs and Muslims have contributed, it is an embarrassingly lopsided competition.

In whatever field you can name, but particularly in medicine, science and the arts –both classical and popular – Jews have excelled. Even a partial list includes the likes of Albert Einstein, Milton Friedman, Felix Mendelsohn, Jonas Salk, Irving Berlin, George and Ira Gershwin, Richard Rodgers, Lorenz Hart, Oscar Hammerstein, Aaron Copland, Frank Loesser, Leonard and Elmer Bernstein, Paul Ehrlich, Boris Pasternak, J.D. Salinger, Norman Mailer, Nathan Rothschild, Sidney Howard, Benjamin Disraeli, John Garfield, Marc Chagall, Hedy Lamarr, the Marx Brothers, Levi Strauss, Jack Benny, Sidney Kingsley, Clifford Odets, George Burns, Danny Kaye, Arthur Miller, Bernard Malamud, Ayn Rand, Philip Roth, Baruch Spinoza, Paddy Chayefsky, Joseph Heller, George S. Kaufman, Moss Hart, Alan Jay Lerner, Frederick Loewe, Edna Ferber, Arthur Rubinstein, Edward G. Robinson, Sid Caesar, Sigmund Freud, Jon Stewart, Phil Silvers, Al Jolson, Billy Wilder, William Wyler, Joseph Mankiewicz, Jerome Kern, Bob Dylan, Haym Solomon, Stephen Sondheim, Kurt Weill, Harold Arlen, Benny Leonard, Hank Greenberg, Woody Allen, Richard Dreyfuss, Billy Joel, Isaac Stern, Yehudi Menuhin, Jascha Heifitz, Vladimir Horowitz, Billy Crystal, Milton Berle, Sholem Aleichem, Jerry Herman, Albert and Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Tony Randall, Alan King, Larry Gelbart, Neil Simon, Jerry Seinfeld, Oscar Levant, Sandy Koufax and the young New York kids, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, who gave birth to the mild-mannered Clark Kent and his alter ego, Superman.

Let’s face it, without the Jews, Americans would be stuck singing and humming commercial jingles and we’d be about as funny as the Swiss.

It’s not as if Arabs and Muslims haven’t also made their mark on the world. They did, after all, introduce clitorectomies, suicide bombings and an intolerance of good-natured spoofing not seen since the Salem witch hunts.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Friday, January 16, 2015

Whiners & Sore Winners


Sometimes when I attack urban blacks, I worry that some pinheads will fail to understand that I am not tarring all black Americans. I’m certainly not referring to those who work hard, get married and raise their children to be good citizens. Obviously, I am not referring to the likes of Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams, Allen West, Condoleezza Rice, Tim Scott, Herman Cain, David Clarke, Mia Love, Ben Carson or Jason Riley.

The ones I have in mind are the 95% of plantation blacks who vote for Democrats year in and year out, the ones who not only know which side of their bread is buttered, but know only too well who gave them the bread they didn’t have to work for or bake for themselves.

Democrats are like those zombies in the movies who are constantly prowling the countryside looking for brains because they have none of their own. But that doesn’t matter to black voters, who understand the deal is that so long as they vote for liberals, they’ll be fed, housed and clothed, and not only will their mob violence be tolerated, but it will be encouraged by the likes of Obama, Holder and De Blasio.

They’re also aware of the fact that the liberal media, in collusion with academia, will promote the false narrative that these scofflaws and human sloths are being persecuted by white society, when in fact they are being coddled by white taxpayers.

Racial bias that favors blacks has become so endemic in America that I’m wondering if the Democrats haven’t cried “Wolf!” or, rather, “Racist!” once too often for their own good. There used to be a slogan popular during the Vietnam War that asked: “What if they threw a war and nobody came?” I think it’s time to revise it to read: “What if they cried ‘Racist!’ and for once nobody cowered?”

Recently I wrote about a friend who said he would prefer it if I referred to the Democrat Party instead of calling it the Democratic Party. In my defense, I said that “Democrat Party” looks wrong to my eye and sounds wrong in my ear.

A few of my mutinous readers let me know they agreed with my friend, pointing out that I unintentionally give the Democrats too much credit because there’s nothing democratic about them.

In response, I said the mistake was theirs because there’s nothing all that wonderful about democracy. I realize that sounds like heresy, but the fact is that in Venezuela, Hugo Chavez won a democratic election; in Russia, Vladimir Putin did the same; the so-called Palestinians voted for Hamas; and here in the U.S., we elected a tyrant of our own. In fact, we did it twice.

When it comes to voting, the truth is that most people just aren’t very good at it. What’s more, Democrats, in spite of being really awful at it, are so fond of voting, they often do it twice or three times in the same election.

In the past, while I’ve never been a booster of John Boehner or Mitch McConnell, I have usually refrained from attacking them. After all, it is just possible that the Republicans who have to deal with them on a day to day basis like them for reasons I can’t possibly imagine. The worst I’ve ever said about either of them is that they don’t speak well on camera and neither is particularly adept at presenting the GOP position on the important issues. I usually summed it up by stating that what they lacked in smarts, they failed to make up for in charm and personality.

But that was then and this is now. I can’t ignore the fact that Boehner is so thin-skinned that simply because 25 House Republicans either voted for others to be the majority leader or merely voted “Present,” he had a hissy fit. As a result of which, he decided to punish Florida congressman Daniel Webster for opposing him, and Florida congressman Richard Nugent for supporting Rep. Webster, by removing both of them from the powerful House Rules Committee.

So much for those who insist that Boehner lacks a backbone. Like Obama, who only sticks to his guns when opposing Republicans, never when confronted by Syria, Russia or Iran, Boehner turns into a mighty warrior when confronting conservatives. The most pathetic part of all this is that Boehner faced very little resistance by his lickspittle colleagues, and easily won re-election. So, just in case you thought there was nothing worse than a sore loser, allow me to introduce you to crybaby John Boehner, who gives new meaning to “sore winner.”

Recently Barack Obama invited Mexico’s President Enrique Nieto to the White House. Predictably, Nieto complimented Obama on granting legal status to five million illegal aliens through an unconstitutional executive edict.

What does it say about the swamp known as Mexico that one presidente after another urges the U.S. to accommodate millions of their fleeing countrymen? Frankly, I wouldn’t object quite so much to the influx if it were a quid pro quo arrangement in which we accepted their illiterate peasants in exchange for our own ungrateful welfare junkies, but that deal, you’ll have noticed, is never on the table.

Shame on Rudy Giuliani and the other politicians and bureaucrats who chided the New York cops who turned their backs on Mayor De Blasio at the funerals of the two assassinated police officers. They weren’t showing disrespect to their two fallen comrades or to their families, and we all knew it. In fact, I was reminded of the All Star baseball game in St. Louis a few years back when Obama figured he wouldn’t be booed if he rode out onto the field in a convertible seated next to Cardinal legend Stan “The Man” Musial. It helped some, but he still got razzed because the Cardinal fans, Mr. Musial and the rest of us, all knew for whom the booing was intended.

Finally, I’m going to have to work on my timing. For years, Harry Reid took great pride in pushing ObamaCare down our throats and preventing any Republican legislation bound to embarrass his Senate colleagues or the president from even reaching the Senate floor. It took a while before I began hoping and praying that the schmuck would wind up in the hospital with broken bones and a concussion.

It finally happened, but only after the midterm elections had transformed Reid from being the second most powerful man in Washington into just another cranky old geezer from an inconsequential state that was put on the map by mobster Bugsy Siegel.

Now I’m targeting John Boehner in my prayers. Let’s see how long his luck holds out.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

"Obama's Racist Pointman" and "The Last Time I Saw Paris"


I know that even six years into his presidency there are people who still see Obama in the exact same way he was presented to us in 2008 -- as the great uniter of blacks and whites. But, then, there are those who also approve of his foreign policy in the Middle East. Sometimes you merely have to accept innate stupidity as a part of the human condition and move on.

Among the legion of disasters one can lay at Obama’s feet, the racial antagonisms he has fostered might well stand out as his greatest failing. That’s because it’s the one he could have most easily avoided.

On other issues, one could, to a greater or lesser degree, blame his partisan politics. But because he was black, when it came to the racial divide, he was in the unique position of being able to bridge it in ways that no other president could. But instead of using the bridge, he blew it to smithereens by appointing one unrepentant racist, Eric Holder, to head up the Justice Department and he made another, Al Sharpton, his consigliore on racial matters.

Sharpton gained his initial fame back in the 1980s using the lies of a black teenage girl, Tawana Brawley, to denounce the NYPD. For those too young to remember, Ms. Brawley was afraid that her mother would ground her if she found out that Tawana had spent the weekend making whoopee with her boyfriend. So, instead, she concocted a sordid tale about being tossed in a trash dumpster after being raped by six New York City cops.

The lies worked to his advantage then and Sharpton has seen no reason to change his ways. He has merely revised the narrative. Back then, his stooge was a sexually precocious teenager; today, he uses a couple of black thugs as the innocent victims of police brutality in his tale of woe. But the motive now, as it was then, is simply to promote Al Sharpton as the conscience and spokesperson for black America.

For reasons I can’t fathom, race hustlers like Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are catnip for the media. Although they both speak as if their mouths, along with their brains, were full of mush, they have been the go-to guys on matters of race for the past several decades. In spite of his deficiencies as a public speaker, Sharpton even gets to host his own show on MSNBC. The fact that nobody watches MSNBC is no excuse, and his bosses at NBC shouldn’t be allowed to use that as an alibi for providing the putz with a megaphone.

When in December, Sharpton hosted an anti-police demonstration in Washington, D.C., he actually flew arsonist Joshua Williams, whom most of us had last seen on TV burning down the Quik Trip market in Berkeley, Missouri, so that he could address his fellow thugs.

Although Sharpton owes his current prominence to the likes of Obama and NY Mayor Bill De Blasio, he owes far more to Jesse Jackson. It was Jackson, after all, who taught him all he knows about corporate extortion.

At present, Sharpton is being paid by Colgate-Palmolive, Anheuser-Busch, Macy’s, Pfizer, Pepsi, GM, Walmart, Chase, Verizon, McDonald’s and MGM, among a great many other companies, for what the mob used to call “protection.” When Al Capone got paid off, it was to prevent a bomb being tossed through a tavern window. When Jackson receives a corporate donation to his Rainbow Coalition or Sharpton gets a donation to his National Action Network, it’s to prevent having a bunch of black stiffs parading for the TV cameras in front of their headquarters, claiming the companies engage in racist policies.

And because Sharpton gets to sit next to Barack Obama more often than Michelle does might also explain why he is still walking around a free man even though he’s in arrears to the IRS to the tune of $4.5 million.

For me, the biggest surprise is that Sharpton, who was a roly-poly guy back in the 1980s and is now so tiny he looks as if his neck is too skinny to hold up his head, never thought to market the Sharpton Diet. The change has been so dramatic, the weight loss so astounding, I thought at times he might actually disappear altogether. But, alas, that was only wishful thinking.

But that’s not my only wish when it comes to one of America’s three most odious race hustlers. My other wish, far-fetched as it might be, would be for all those companies who are currently being bled by Sharpton to receive thousands of angry letters and phone calls from customers threatening to take their business elsewhere if they continue to pay a shakedown artist who knows everything there is to know about extortion, except, that is, how to spell the word or pronounce it.



THE LAST TIME I SAW PARIS

In 1940, when Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein II wrote their Oscar-winning ode to Paris, she had recently been invaded by the Nazis. Had the song been written 75 years later, the lyric would have to mention that her streets ran red with blood, and Hammerstein would have to find a rhyme for Islamic butchery.

It wasn’t that long ago that the media expressed its universal contempt for Sony Pictures when the company initially decided not to release “The Interview.” The charge was that Sony was letting Kim Jong-un get the idea he could unilaterally abolish the First Amendment. Even Obama, in spite of his fondness for Hollywood liberals, belatedly piled on, insisting that Sony had made a mistake.

But now it’s the media itself that has decided that punking out is the better part of discretion. Even though twelve French satirists were murdered for using a cartoony depiction of Muhammad in their magazine, none of these stalwart defenders of the First Amendment is daring to publish the newsworthy cartoon.

In the same way, when Muslims killed Danish journalists over similar cartoons in 2005, these same newspapers and magazines censored themselves.

Personally, I don’t condemn the NY Times, CNN, Fox, the AP, Time magazine, the L.A. Times or any of these other media giants for their cowardice, which is at least rational behavior in a world rife with jihadists, but for their hypocrisy, which I find contemptible. Where do they get off shaming Sony for caving to threats?

Worse yet, these media cowards have the gall to pretend they’re motivated by a profound respect for religion. In my opinion, if Islam is a religion, and not a barbaric cult, then so was Nazism; and Charles Manson, Jim Jones and David Koresh, should all be regarded as religious leaders.

Barack Hussein Obama – and what belief system would we normally connect with someone named Barack Hussein Obama? – famously said, “The future doesn’t belong to those who slander the Prophet of Islam.” But that goes without saying. After all, what could any reasonable person find slander-worthy in a Prophet who was known to be a pedophile and who promoted his faith by butchering those who dared question his holiness?

For years, conmen have made fortunes convincing the greedy and gullible that they had come up with a legitimate way to avoid paying income taxes. Well, this is to announce that I have come up with a sure-fire system of my own, but being the kind of guy I am, I’m offering it for free. All you have to do is be black and a prominent left-winger. For instance, when Rep. Charles Rangel, among his other sins, was found to have been a long-standing tax cheat, his House colleagues voted to censure him. After which, they all adjourned to the House dining room to serenade Charley with a few rousing choruses of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.”

You might say that congressmen get away with all sorts of monkey business, and you’d be right. But consider another black left-winger who doesn’t hold a public office, Al Sharpton. In spite of an unpaid $4.5 million tax bill, he is welcomed with open arms wherever black bigots congregate – be it in the streets of Ferguson, Missouri, or the West Wing of the White House.

And for those who insist that military service should be a prerequisite to a career in politics, it should be noted that Rep. Rangel apparently served honorably in the U.S. Army from 1948-1952. It is also true that he once admitted, “I only cared about dead soldiers when they looked like me.” I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the remark sounds very much like something Obama has been heard to say whenever some black thug gets shot.

Because I recently warned everyone off the 16 movies the studios sent me in December looking to garner my vote in the Writers Guild competition, I feel compelled to report that they finally got around to sending me one worth my time, and therefore yours. It’s an English movie, “The Imitation Game,” about Alan Turing, who led the English team of linguists and mathematicians who miraculously cracked Germany’s enigma code during World War II.

Only once in my life did I come up with a great money-making idea. The miracle took place about 35 years ago when I wrote an article suggesting that for those people who wanted a pet, but thought dogs and cats were too much trouble, but were willing, for reasons I couldn’t imagine, to settle for the likes of birds, fish and reptiles, they might consider sharing their home with a rock. I mentioned that they were low upkeep: no messes to clean up, no newspapers that needed changing and absolutely zero food costs.

When I say it was a great money-making idea, I don’t mean that it made me any money. No way. It took some other guy to see the commercial potential of the goofy notion and to make millions marketing Pet Rocks.

Well, apparently, every 35 years, I come up with these moneymakers. The other morning, I went out to my car, turned the key and was greeted with silence. My battery was kaput. When I had driven the car the previous night, everything was hunky-dory and it wasn’t as if I had left the lights on.

Its time had come, as it must to all of us, and it had simply moved on to battery heaven. Anyway, what I’d like to know is why, if the battery in my smoke alarm can beep a polite warning when it’s on the verge of passing away, my car battery can’t do the same.

Believe me, if I knew how to invent things, I would get right on it. But I can’t. So I am offering this to the world free of charge, which, come to think of it, was the problem with my damn battery.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


Monday, January 12, 2015

I Hereby Resolve in 2015...


I'm not big on making New Year’s resolutions, but I do pledge to continue holding the feet of liberals to the flames until they pull this computer keyboard out of my cold, dead hands.

Although I know it’s too much to ask that left-wingers stop providing me with so much grist for my mill, I would appreciate it if they would at least slow down the rate at which they commit their mischief. I’m not getting any younger, after all, and I would appreciate a chance to occasionally catch my breath.

For instance, Obama made it a point before the midterm elections to remind us that although he wasn’t on the ballot, all of his policies were. So his policies led to across-the-board losses for Democrats, costing them the Senate and a dozen more seats in the House, and somehow Obama took that as a mandate to do more of the same.

The few Democrats still left in Congress must be sweating blood, worrying about what he’ll do in the next two years to cost them their jobs in 2016. It makes me wonder if those dopey Democrats will ever figure out that Obama was a Trojan Horse the GOP cobbled together in order to destroy their party.

I readily admit that I could never have been a Secret Service agent because under no circumstances would I ever agree to sacrifice my life -- to take a bullet as the job description puts it -- for a president. But were I to be a Secret Service agent, I’d certainly draw the line at providing cover for a president’s adulterous affairs, as was the case for those who were or continue to be saddled with the task of protecting the likes of JFK, LBJ, Bill Clinton and, according to the National Enquirer, Barack Obama.

Perhaps we shouldn’t have been so shocked, considering the horny louts they have to associate with, that the Secret Service has been rocked with a number of sex scandals of their very own in recent years. And before you huff haughtily at the mere mention of the Enquirer, keep in mind that was the tabloid that finally broke the news about John Edwards and his ditzy doxy, Rielle Hunter.

Furthermore, don’t think for a minute there weren’t plenty of reporters and editors at the NY Times and the Washington Post who knew that Edwards was a world-class philanderer. But, as we all know, America’s premier newspapers have all taken a blood oath vowing to never blow the whistle on a Democrat.

To me, the only two surprises were that it’s apparently with females that Obama is rendezvousing at Washington’s swanky Jefferson Hotel and that Michelle is still letting him walk around in one piece.

Speaking of Obama, after I recently stated that those who insist that respect must be paid to the office of the presidency sound infantile to me, I heard from a few people who took me to task. To them I responded: “Here’s the deal – I’ll respect the office of the president, but only if and when Barack Obama belatedly shows me that he does.”

For years, I fully expected, but dreaded, that some European nationalist would rise up and ride to political power by using the Muslims the way that Hitler used the Jews. It’s not that I wouldn’t sympathize with their anti-Islamic feelings, but because one always has reason to fear a European nationalist. Whether his name is Napoleon, Bismarck, Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini or Putin, a great deal of innocent blood is always certain to be spilled along the way.

In any case, this is to report that in Dresden, Germany, 17,000 people recently took part in an anti-Muslim demonstration that was organized by a group calling itself PEGIDA, which translates as Patriotic Europeans against the Islamization of the West. It was a welcome change from the demonstrations Muslims seem to stage every week or so, expressing their displeasure with the host countries that clothe, house and feed these Islamic ingrates. For one thing, this demonstration was peaceful. For another, it was justified.

For many years, I have balked at the notion that there are good Muslims as well as bad ones. The good ones, I’m told, are those who would never slit the throat of an infidel. So far as I can tell, those are the ones who simply cheer on those who do the actual slitting.

Shortly after 9/11, I suggested that if American Muslims wished to show their good faith, they would pass the hat at their mosques and raise reward money for Osama bin Laden, dead or alive. Instead, they not only continued funding Middle East terrorism until the FBI shut them down; and, rather than mourn the slaughter of 3,000 innocent Americans, they spent most of their waking hours whining about being racially profiled.

Because far too many of us in America have been cowed into accepting the lie that every culture is superior to our own and that Islam is every bit as peaceful and life-confirming as Christianity and Judaism, nobody is supposed to question the morality of those who continue worshipping Allah in spite of the fact it is the most blood-thirsty cult the world has ever known.

My question is why in a world that offers worshippers not only Christianity and Judaism, but Hinduism, Shintoism and Buddhism, would any decent human being cling to Islam, which was born and bred in savagery 14 centuries ago?

After all, why is it perfectly rational for people to abandon the nation of their birth to seek a better, safer, more productive, life somewhere else in the world, but it’s insulting to suggest they abandon the religion into which they were unfortunately born for equally sensible reasons?

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Friday, January 9, 2015

Guilt By Association


Lliberals are contemptuous of those who believe that associating with bad apples might be an indicator that you yourself are rotten to the core. In fact, if you dared point out that Robert Byrd, who wound up serving 51 years in the U.S. Senate and not only became the Senate majority leader, but the President pro tempore -- placing him third in line of presidential succession -- had jump-started his political career by forming a chapter of the Ku Klux Klan in Sophia, West Virginia, they’d accuse you of McCarthyism.

Joe McCarthy, for the youngsters in the audience, was a junior senator from Wisconsin. He was a drunk and a boor, but that’s not why his name has come to be equated by liberals with the very worst elements in American politics. After all, Lyndon Johnson was a bigger drunk and a bigger bully, and if you look up “boor” in the dictionary, you’ll find his picture. In spite of that, LBJ is hailed as a shining star and a champion of civil rights by Democrats.

McCarthy’s sin is that he dared to point out that communists had infiltrated the federal government under FDR and had remained steadfastly loyal to the Soviet Union under Harry Truman and, ultimately, under Dwight Eisenhower.

What liberals most detested about McCarthy isn’t that some of those he mistook for traitors were merely muddleheaded pacifists -- the sort of boneheads who thought it was a swell idea for America to share our atomic secrets with the Soviet Union, so that Joseph Stalin didn’t have to have American turncoats steal them for Mother Russia -- but that so many of those in the State Department, people like Alger Hiss, whom McCarthy claimed were communist agents actually happened to be communist agents.

Getting back to Sen. Byrd, in 1946, he wrote to segregationist Sen. Theodore Bilbo (D, Mississippi) to say: “I shall never fight in the armed forces with a negro by my side. Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds.” Is it any wonder that he rose to the KKK rank of Grand Cyclops?

But that didn’t prevent his Senate colleagues from granting him their greatest honors. And yet, we now see the Democrats baying for the blood of Rep. Steve Scalise (R, Louisiana) for no other reason than that 12 years ago, he gave a speech at a convention of the European-American Unity and Rights Organization.

Never having heard of the group, I looked up the EAURO and found that I pretty much agreed with their eight principles: (1) Equal rights for white Americans through an end to affirmative action; (2) An end to desegregation busing, which is to blame for declining educational standards, rising racial tensions and the wasting of public money; (3) Welfare reforms that would see welfare recipients work for their money, and the encouragement of family planning; (4) Tougher sentencing for violent crimes, alongside the repealing of hate crime legislation; (5) Very strict limitations on immigration; (6) An end to media portrayal of whites as oppressors; (7) The preservation of white heritage; and (8) A demand for excellence in all things.

I confess that number eight is rather vague, but there’s no sin in hoping for the ideal.

This is not to say I’m sending away for my membership card and decoder ring. After all, the group was founded by David Duke, proud racist/convicted con man and tax evader/both a Holocaust and 9/11 denier/ and who, for good measure, spent a lot of time at LSU jack-booting around campus wearing a Nazi uniform.

Still, Scalise didn’t show up at the convention hoping to take part in a lynching. He gave a breakfast talk to a small group on the subject of taxes. Taxes, for God’s sake! And for that, because he has a leadership role in the Republican-controlled House, the Democrats want to see him lynched.

Keep in mind these are the same hypocrites who turned a blind eye during the 1990s to the fact that Yasser Arafat, killer of Jewish babies, spent more time at the White House than Bill Clinton, and that today Barack Obama spends even more time playing footsies with America’s number one race hustler, Al Sharpton, than he does playing golf.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I wish to state that a few years ago, I was informed by a reader that something I had written – possibly an attack on Obama or on the 75% of Jewish voters who insist on voting for progressives every chance they get -- had been posted on a neo-Nazi website. My first reaction was shock: Don’t they know I’m Jewish?! Have the Nazis initiated an Adopt-a-Jew program I hadn’t heard about? But when the reader asked me if I wasn’t going to demand they take down my article, I thought about it and decided I wouldn’t.

After all, as I explained at the time, I have no problem with people agreeing with me just so long as I don’t have to agree with them.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Wednesday, January 7, 2015

A Cornucopia Of Facts & Notions


In the wake of so many people trekking off to see “The Interview” in the belief that they’re simultaneously striking a blow for freedom of speech and spitting in North Korea’s eye, it occurred to me that when it comes to stiffing the First Amendment, Kim Jong-un can’t hold a candle to the folks who run the NY Times, NBC, ABC and CBS. North Korea, after all, was just trying to save us from seeing an adolescent comedy and probably anticipated the thanks of a grateful nation.

But it’s these American news corporations that continue to ignore the various scandals connected to Barack Obama. Even when they deign to report on one -- usually because Fox and America’s bloggers finally force the issue -- these liberal enablers persist in putting the best possible face on it.

In the final analysis, North Korea doesn’t owe us a damn thing. But those who wrap themselves in the First Amendment when it comes to disseminating the Pentagon Papers or Edward Snowden’s stolen Intel owe us the unvarnished truth. That’s an IOU that’s been marked “Unpaid” for the past 40 years, at least when Carter, Clinton and Obama, were ensconced in the White House.

Watching what passes for demonstrations in America -- whether it was the unwashed Occupy Wall Street mob or the thugs and their enablers calling for open season on cops -- one could reasonably conclude that “demonstrators” is merely a polite synonym for vandals, vagrants and thieves. And so I did, until reading an article sent to me by a longtime reader, Sam Marx.

The article was about a book, “Resistance of the Heart: Intermarriage and the Rosenstrasse Protest in Nazi Germany,” by Nathan Stoltzfus.

It seems that in Berlin, in 1943, in what was to be the final round-up of Jews, hundreds of German Gentile women held a vigil in front of the community center where their Jewish husbands were being held prior to being sent off in cattle cars.

For a week, the women stood freezing in the street. When Propaganda Minister Goebbels finally had machineguns mounted in front of the building and threatened to open fire, instead of dispersing, they held their ground and began chanting: “Murderer, murderer, murderer…”

By that time, their ranks were expanded by other German women, who probably didn’t like Jews, but were opposed to tearing apart families, which might suggest they were okay with entire Jewish families being transported to concentration camps, but opposed the idea of husbands and wives being separated. By this time, with so many of their own husbands and sons lying dead in the snow at Stalingrad, they knew a little something about being separated from loved ones.

Rather than risk a public relations nightmare, Goebbels caved and released 1700 Jewish men, and then went on to insist that Berlin was now free of Jews.

So, as with so many other things in life, there are demonstrations and then there are demonstrations.

From another reader, Ed Zuckerman, I received what I regard as a peach of an idea. He suggested that the U.S. immediately announce that the $100 note will be made invalid and that people will have 90 days in which to exchange the bills for two fifties, not at a bank, but at their nearest FBI office.

As Zuckerman writes, “Can you hear the sound of European safe deposit boxes being emptied? Can you picture drug cartels with pallets groaning under the weight of $100 bills on the verge of becoming worthless?...What a bonanza for the FBI, which could build a data base of people who showed up at their offices with an extraordinarily large and unexplainable amount of cash!”

I happen to believe that it is time to once again initiate the military draft. For one thing, we aren’t getting enough volunteers to fight two wars simultaneously. And even after we get rid of Obama, who refuses to fight even one, between ISIL, Russia, Afghanistan, North Korea and Iran, the day we have to deal with a couple of foes simultaneously could be fast-approaching.

But a second reason to reinstitute the draft is that we have raised a couple of generations of self-indulgent sloths who spend more time griping about America than they do appreciating their good fortune in having been born here. A couple of years in the service of their nation might straighten out their heads, along with providing them with a spine and self-esteem based on something besides their ability to take selfies.

What’s more, I would not allow anyone to receive a deferment for any reason. College will still be there two years later, and as those returning veterans showed back in the late 40s, those who don’t matriculate straight out of high school tend to make the best and most-motivated students.

Inasmuch as only about one soldier in seven, even during WWII, was engaged in combat, it’s silly not to draft people simply because they have flat feet or less than perfect vision. I wouldn’t even require those destined to be cooks, clerks, members of the marching band or to serve in the Quartermaster Corps, to spend 16 weeks surviving basic training.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder recently signed legislation requiring a drug-testing program for welfare recipients. Refusal to be tested will result in six months of ineligibility. Testing positive will result in referral to a treatment program.

In a nation that seems hell-bent on changing our motto to “In Marijuana We Trust,” this comes as a welcome sign. Why, though, would a refusal only lead to a six month cessation of benefits? You don’t want to be tested? Fine, get off your lazy butt, get a job and pay for your damn drugs.

As to be expected, the ACLU weighed in, insisting that the group addressed by the bill doesn’t use illegal drugs at a rate significantly higher than the general public.

One, how does the ACLU happen to know this to be true? Two, what do they mean by “significantly higher”? Three, the general public may do as it pleases. That is to say, it’s strictly between them, their fried brains and law enforcement. That’s because they’re not buying the shit with our tax dollars.

Finally, it’s been bad enough listening to professional Pinocchios like Robert Gibbs, Jay Carney and Josh Earnest, lying on behalf of Obama and those two ditzy Valley Girls lying on behalf of the State Department, but if I have to put up with mealy-mouthed John Kirby, who is allegedly a Rear Admiral, dodge and weave on behalf of the Pentagon, is it too much to ask that he leave the uniform and the medals at home?

It is one thing, after all, for him to muddy his own reputation with the endless lies and butt-kissing, but quite another to tarnish that of the U.S. Navy.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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Monday, January 5, 2015

"On & Off The Radar" and "Paging Eric Holder"


When some people dismiss others as low information voters, they’re not always being fair. For instance, I heard from a lot of readers in 2012 complaining that Mitt Romney didn’t bring up Obama’s Benghazi cover-up in the debates, but I pointed out that because the mass media had done such a good job of ignoring the story that if Romney had mentioned Benghazi, most of the viewing audience would have assumed he was speaking in tongues.

I mainly knew about it because Fox News had done such a good job of covering the story. But being a successful cable station doesn’t compare to being a major network when it comes to the number of viewers. But as good as Fox is, I still wish it had competition from a cable station that didn’t waste our time with the likes of Juan Williams, Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Bob Beckel and Mark Hannah. We would get plenty of divergent viewpoints if they concentrated solely on Republicans. Pitting Ted Cruz against John McCain or Rand Paul against Marco Rubio would be a great improvement over watching Juan Williams do his impression of a minstrel man, rolling his eyes in mock horror whenever Bret Baier, Steve Hayes or Charles Krauthammer, disagrees with one of his inane statements.

Although I get a lot of my news from Fox, I wish they had someone whose sole function is to follow up on things that have been lost in the wake of subsequent events. For instance, when Boko Haram kidnapped those 300 Nigerian school girls, I heard that Obama had sent a few hundred soldiers in to assist in the search, and then I heard nothing more about it. Are the soldiers still looking? Is anyone?

According to Gallup’s latest poll, Obama’s approval rating has soared to 47%. The theory is that a lot of people applauded his re-opening diplomatic relations with Cuba. Even if they disagree with me and Marco Rubio about that bit of executive action, how is it that millions of us have apparently decided after six years of ObamaCare and the Benghazi, Operation Fast & Furious, VA and IRS scandals that they no longer mattered?

Mark Twain once joked that he didn’t lie because he didn’t have a very good memory. It seems to me that Barack Obama lies because he doesn’t think we have very good memories, and the same goes for the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Josh Earnest and Jonathan Gruber. When nearly everything we say or do is recorded on video, you would think they would straighten out their acts, but, apparently, unless you watch Fox, you’d have no idea that these people lie, if for no other reason than to stay in practice.

But maybe Obama is wise to take our ignorance for granted. After all, even after drawing and then quickly erasing red lines with Russia and Syria, and allowing Iran to make a monkey out of him at the negotiating table, our Commander-in-chief has proven himself to be, in the words of my friend Steve Maikoski, the Great Capitulator.

In other news, we are told that Justin Bieber is worth $200 million. We have also heard that Oprah Winfrey is worth two billion and Warren Buffet is worth roughly 35 billion. I know it’s just a figure of speech, but I wish we would learn to just say these pinheads have an awful lot of money without suggesting they are worth a plugged nickel.

After dismissing the movie, “Whiplash,” as a waste of time, a friend let me know he planned to see it because he liked “drum music,” and I congratulated him on coming up with a new and unique oxymoron. But after sitting through 16 other DVDs provided by the studios, all seeking my vote in the WGA award competition, I am wondering why movies even pay editors. When the new releases average 150 minutes, it’s hard to imagine that any footage ends up on the cutting room floor. You would have thought editors had gone the way of those guys who used to provide dialogue titles for silent movies.

Speaking of movies, I can’t say I was disappointed with “Unbroken,” the story of Louis Zemperini, who first survived 47 days at sea after his plane was shot down during WWII and then, according to Laura Hillenbrand’s book, suffered daily beatings by a sadistic Japanese POW camp commander for two long years. It didn’t ring true in the book and didn’t in the movie.

It was hard enough to survive in Japanese captivity without having to endure constant torture and no medical attention. I even wrote to Ms. Hillenbrand asking if she had actually managed to confirm what she was told or had simply accepted what Zemperini said as gospel. After all, rumor has it that men, even those in their 90s, have been known to brag to women. So far, I haven’t heard back.

Because it’s been preying on my mind for years, I would like someone to explain why “Peanuts” has enjoyed such lasting success. I never thought it was a funny comic strip. Not funny or clever or thoughtful, and, what’s more, I thought Snoopy was a bore, even when he went up against the Red Baron. What have I been missing?

I once heard that the best definition of an optimist was a professional accordionist with a pager. But I have come to believe that Alan Jay Lerner, the lyricist and librettist best known for “Brigadoon,” “Gigi,” and “My Fair Lady,” should have his picture next to the word in the dictionary. This is a man who married for the first time when he was 21 years old. By the time he died 46 years later, at the age of 67, he had been married seven more times. What’s more, he was married for 43 of those years, meaning he averaged less than six months between getting a divorce and once again tying the knot. If that’s not optimism, I don’t know what it is. Well, maybe insanity.

Because some of my more concerned readers continue to ask how I am doing in the aftermath of the surgery on my hand and arm last January, I am happy to report that the rheumatoid arthritis is no longer plaguing me.

However, I did suffer an attack of the gout recently. My only prior experience with the condition was seeing old Laurel and Hardy or Charley Chase comedies in which men suffering from the gout would be shown with his inflamed foot wrapped in a Turkish towel. But in spite of the towel, someone was sure to step on his aching foot or slam a car door on it.

I thought it was very amusing until I was the guy who felt like he had a pin cushion sewn up in his big right toe. I never assumed I would have anything more in common with King Henry VIII than the fact we had both been married more than a couple of times -- though not as often as Alan Jay Lerner -- our occasional disagreements with the pope and our roguish little beards. Too bad it couldn’t have stayed that way.

Believe me, the gout is no joke. The joke is that it’s commonly referred to as the rich man’s disease and somehow I got it!



Paging Eric Holder


If the cops are as racist as the idiots in the streets keep claiming, why is it we never see Asians or black immigrants from the Caribbean rioting and complaining about police brutality? With all the people of color residing in America, why is it always and only native-born blacks who take to the streets complaining of mistreatment? Could it possibly have anything to do with the violent crime rate and the lack of parental discipline found in their community that leads to so many unpleasant interactions between the police and young black thugs?

Furthermore, if things are as oppressive as they claim, why do we never see a mass migration to Canada or Mexico? The only blacks we ever see leaving the U.S. are those like convicted cop killer Joanne Chesimard, who leave, seeking asylum in Cuba.

Every other group that has ever faced hardship and persecution has crossed oceans, if necessary, to seek a better and safer life. Mainly they’ve come to America, long a magnet for the world’s outcasts. Only blacks see this country as a loathsome place – a place like czarist Russia, Nazi Germany, Iran, Cuba and China -- a snake pit to run from, and yet they never run. I find that very odd when you realize they could easily find refuge just across the border.

Could it be that even they know that their claims are bullshit, and that they simply enjoy getting to live off the labor of others, while still having the gall to gripe about it?

Eric Holder called white people cowards who were scared to have an honest conversation about race in America. Ready when you are, Attorney General Holder.

In America, black racism is apparently one of the few growth industries we still have. I’m not just speaking about Jesse Jackson, Louis Farrakhan and Al Sharpton, who have all grown wealthy by promoting racial divide in America, but the members of the Congressional Black Caucus, who are so bigoted against whites they should wear black sheets to work. And then there’s Oprah Winfrey, who, I’ll remind you, was so deep in Obama’s pocket in 2008 that she wouldn’t even allow his equally left-wing opponent, Hillary Clinton, to appear on her show.

Can you imagine the outrage if a white TV talk show host let it be known that he would have presidential candidates on his show, but would draw the line when it came to Herman Cain, Condoleezza Rice and Ben Carson?

Or as one of my readers, Pat Miano, pointed out: “Why shouldn’t white people racially profile blacks as criminals? After all, they racially profile us as racists. At least we have objective statistics to back us up.”

However you may personally feel about the police, it takes a certain breed of moron to demonstrate in the streets carrying signs condemning the cops, especially when those signs were provided by the Revolutionary Communist Party, USA, under the auspices of Bob Avakian, a proud Maoist who traces his tawdry career back to the radical politics of the Bay area in the 1960s. Some people grow up over the course of half a century, others merely ferment.

As insipid as Communist rhetoric inevitably is, you still have to give the sign maker, revcom.us, its due, because at least its messages are all spelled correctly. On the other hand, when Cleveland Cavalier LeBron James and his teammates decided to show their solidarity with the creeps tying up traffic in the streets, their shirts read: “I Can’t Breath.”

I don’t know who it was that started the fad of black Americans adopting Muslim names, but isn’t it time they wised up? It’s bad enough if you were named Barack Hussein Obama by your parents, but guys like Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar had perfectly fine names, Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor, before they went screwy. But these days, they’ve been joined by the likes of Ismaayl Abdullah Muhammud, who shot and killed the two cops in New York, and Zaim Farouq Abdul, who attacked New York’s finest with a hatchet, two American blacks who decided to adopt Islamic names along with typical Islamic behavior.

Are these people so abysmally ignorant that they’re unaware of the essential role that Muslims played – and continue to play – in the African slave trade?

Speaking of ignoramuses, Democrats in Congress are always ready to campaign for a higher minimum wage, claiming that people can’t possibly live on it. Actually, people can. But they’d have a hard time trying to raise a family on $7.10-an-hour. On the other hand, it was never intended to apply to the heads of households. In fact, if it weren’t for all those illegal aliens, nobody would ever receive it, except for high school kids looking to augment their allowances.

What the self-righteous, vote-trolling Democrats, never want to discuss is the destruction ObamaCare has wreaked on middleclass salaries by forcing employers to cut the work week by nearly 30%, reducing the traditional 40 hours to a skimpy 29.

After it was finally determined that it was in fact Kim Jong-un who had hacked Sony’s computers, thus removing Pope Francis, Bugs Bunny and the Tooth Fairy from the original list of suspects, Barack Obama promised a “proportional response” to North Korea.

It once again raises the question of Obama’s testosterone level. At the same time it makes some of us wonder if he even knows what “proportional” means. Clearly, a person who swaps five Islamic terrorists for one Army deserter has a very vague grasp of its definition.

But, then, Obama also freed three convicted Cuban spies and provided the Castros with diplomatic recognition and a flood of hard currency in exchange for absolutely nothing. And let us not forget this is the same schmuck who has dedicated himself to releasing one Gitmo prisoner after another, not even slightly concerned that a third of them return to the battlefield to resume killing American soldiers and hacking the heads off civilians.

After six years, some people think Obama is inept. However, if you agree that he has achieved a good deal of his original intention, which, as he vowed in 2008, included the redistribution of America’s wealth, the destruction of the coal industry, changing the way that the world viewed us and the radical transformation of America -- including its economy, its health care and race relations – I’d have to say he’s been pretty damn ept!

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.


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