Monday, March 30, 2015

Obama Strikes Out Again

I know that some people were upset that Barack Obama didn’t call to congratulate Bibi Netanyahu on his monumental victory in the Israeli election, the way that the leaders of Canada, India and the U.K., did. I wasn’t one of those people. For one thing, everyone knows by this time that the only thing worse than Obama’s policies are his manners. He just might be the pettiest individual to have ever been engaged in American politics. Judging by the man he turned out to be, I’m betting that as a kid, Obama was the sort of brat who would hold his breath and stomp his feet if he didn’t get his own way.

Besides, it’s Netanyahu who should have called and thanked Obama. Just knowing that Obama hated Israel’s P.M., and that he had even sent his operatives to Israel and helped to fund their activities on behalf of the opposition, was probably all it took to turn what was predicted to be a squeaker of an election into a rout.

With something like a dozen different political parties fighting for supremacy in Israel, there is very little that Israelis ever agree about, but one thing they know for certain is that Obama hates Jews and has a soft spot for Islamics, even for the demented likes of the Ayatollah Khamenei.

You would think by this time that Democrats would have gotten tired of trying to paint Republicans as racists at war with women, especially when they’ve seen the strategy crash and burn over the past few election cycles. But the poor souls have nothing else in their quiver, so they have no choice but to keep shooting the same old, worn-out, arrows. Thus, because Loretta Lynch’s confirmation through the Senate hasn’t gone as swiftly as Sen. Dick Durbin would like, he is claiming the only explanation is that Senate Republicans are racists who are reluctant to see the first black woman installed as Attorney General.

The question that leaps to mind is why was Dick Durbin one of the few senators, along with such shady conspirators as Ted Kennedy, Barbara Boxer and Robert Byrd, who voted against confirming Condoleezza Rice as the first black female Secretary of State? Was it because she was black? Or perhaps because she was a woman? Or was it enough that she was a conservative, which makes Durbin not only a hypocrite, but as bigoted as Al Sharpton.

Yet another phony, Colin Powell, who has spent the past several years calling himself a Republican, while voting for Democrats, has now decided to use his overinflated reputation to accuse the GOP of being a party of racists. The fact is Colin Powell became the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff the same way Obama wound up in the White House, as the result of affirmative action run amok.

Speaking of the mullah-in-chief, I recently received a cartoon which showed Obama sharing a bathtub with GloZell Green and a box of her Fruit Loops. They are looking up at two men in suits holding Tom Cotton’s letter to Iran signed by 47 patriots in the U.S. Senate, and Barack is telling GloZell: “I’m so embarrassed for them.”
In 2015, if there’s one thing we have in spades, it’s cause for embarrassment. For instance, the other night I started watching a documentary about Jerry Lewis. My only excuse is that I always found him somewhat fascinating in a creepy way. But I gave up after listening to the likes of Steven Spielberg, Alec Baldwin, Billy Crystal, Richard Belzer, Quentin Tarantino, Chevy Chase, Richard Lewis, Carol Burnett and Carl Reiner, praising Lewis as a comic genius.

Now, granted, guys like Tarantino, Spielberg and Baldwin, know as much about comedy as I do about space travel. But for Carol Burnett, Billy Crystal and Carl Reiner, to insist that the man who spent 50 years walking around on his ankles and pretending to be mentally retarded was the epitome of comedic genius verges on lunacy. When I was nine years old, I already recognized that Jerry Lewis was one step down from the Three Stooges.

I blame the French. Early on, they told him he was brilliant, kissed him on both cheeks and gave him a medal. Because they have no military heroes, they have plenty left over to pin on pretentious frauds.

The medal affected him the way the diploma went to the Scarecrow’s head in “The Wizard of Oz.” Before you knew it, Ray Bolger was spouting off about the square root of a hypotenuse, sounding exactly like Jerry Lewis trying to sound scholarly about pratfalls.

If you have a child of questionable morals who wishes to become very rich, my suggestion is that you direct him into criminal defense work. Take Robert Durst’s lawyers…please. They became legendary because they convinced a jury of 12 morons that even though Durst admitted killing his elderly neighbor, Morris Black, dismembering the man’s body and dropping the parts into Galveston Bay, before stealing Mr. Black’s car and driver’s license, jumping bail and fleeing to Bethlehem, PA, it was a simple case of self-defense.

In a sane world, it’s the jurors who would have become famous, and ever after, whenever someone anywhere in the world said or did something unbelievably stupid, they’d be asked if they’d served on that Galveston jury.

On another matter involving fleeing, something that never fails to confound me is that millions of people will pack up and leave California, New York, Mexico and Guatemala, for perfectly sound reasons…and then do everything in their power to replicate the very place from which they were escaping.

Jonah Goldberg delivered a classic critique of Hillary Clinton’s speeches I wish I could claim as my own: “I am woman, hear me bore.”

Finally, I hear from a number of readers who share my politics, but who are religious and who keep expecting God to respond to their prayers and deliver us from Obama prior to 2017. I wish them well, but I am reminded of a line I once gave Father Mulcahy on a “MASH” episode: “God answers all prayers, but sometimes His answer is ‘No.’”

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, March 27, 2015

Guys, Gals & Guns

There is no real way to know how much racism exists in someone’s heart. But something that is easy to measure are the consequences facing white versus black racists. For instance, when a white cop emails racist comments, he’s fired as soon as it’s found out. When a white college student chants a racist ditty, he’s expelled. However, when a black person airs his racism, he winds up in the Oval Office, heading up the Justice Department or, like Al Sharpton, wealthy, with his own TV show, a national following and the key to the White House.

Then, for good measure, we have to listen to Barack Obama and Eric Holder pretend that the Ferguson Police Department is a greater menace than ISIS and Iran put together, a conclusion based on the fact that the arrests and traffic stops of blacks exceed their statistical presence, while neglecting to acknowledge that blacks commit crimes and driving violations far in excess of their actual numbers.

Speaking of Ferguson, I never believed for a second that the creep who shot the two cops was aiming at them. I’m not saying he wasn’t trying to kill them, but I was confident that he wasn’t channeling Chris Kyle, and that he was just another punk shooting wildly and hoping to get lucky.

What strikes me as bizarre is that young black males who apparently don’t work and can’t afford to pay for their own rent, food or clothes, and would freeze or starve were it not for the American taxpayer, can so often afford to pay for guns and bullets. And as the statistics show, it’s not to protect them from white cops, but from other young black thugs.

Because I’m Jewish, I am often asked to explain why American Jews so often support Democrats in America and the Palestinians in the Middle East. The short answer is that they’re about as Jewish as a ham sandwich. Their faith rests not on the pillars of Moses and Abraham, but on Liberalism as spelled out by Karl Marx, Saul Alinsky and Noam Chomsky, and their gods are people named Wilson, Roosevelt, Johnson, Carter, Clinton and Obama.

The sad truth is that most secular Jews are not only disconnected from the religion of their ancestors, but also divorced from reality.

Recently, I wrote that in spite of his humongous ears, Obama doesn’t seem to hear very well. For instance, in 2014, when it was his policies that cost the Democrats record losses in the Senate and the House, the only “voices” Obama claimed he heard were those of the people who didn’t bother voting.

In response, a reader claimed that Obama’s ears were as big as Dumbo’s, but that, unlike Obama, Dumbo used his in order to fly. I, in turn, wrote that I believed that Obama could leave Air Force One at home and fly himself to all those fund-raising events if only he would try flapping his ears for a change, instead of his gums.

When I see the likes of James Carville, Chris Matthews and Lanny Davis, automatically spring to Hillary Clinton’s defense every single time she lands in hot water, I wonder how they explain that the same left-wing media that has spent the past quarter century rolling over, begging to have its belly rubbed by Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, is so hostile to her.

Is it that everyone, including the editorial board of the NY Times, the paper that broke the email scandal, is part of that vast right-wing conspiracy that she initially complained about when Bill’s bilious sex life first came to light?

Could it be that Hillary suffers from halitosis or B.O.? Is it ageism or rampant misogyny? Or could it be her obvious lack of ethics and honesty combined with her overbearing arrogance that turns off even her natural allies?

Hillary, like Paris Hilton, Nancy Pelosi and Kim Kardashian, is one of those females who is famous for nothing. Nothing, that is, aside from marrying Bill Clinton, from which her entire political career derives.

Come to think of it, if the Democrats wise up in time, they will hop off Hillary’s bandwagon and nominate Kim Kardashian in 2016. For one thing, Kardashian knows how to play the media better than Hillary. For another, she is not only young and female, but is married to a famous black man, so she would have a better chance of hanging on to the black vote. And thanks to her ex-stepfather being Bruce Jenner, she has a stranglehold on the support of the sexually bewildered, a fast-growing portion of the liberal base.

Furthermore, she has spent her plastic surgery money far more productively than Hillary. Hillary, after all, still has to resort to pantsuits and is stuck with a perpetually frozen grimace. Kim, on the other hand, with her prize-winning butt and Grand Canyon-like cleavage, can probably count on receiving every vote cast by those males addicted to porn, even if the family pooch is no longer able to recognize her.

Speaking of women who should never be allowed to speak in public, someone recently sent me a picture of Marie Harf, the 33-year-old bespectacled Valley Girl who somehow wound up as a spokesperson for the State Department, and who recently gained notoriety for suggesting that Islamic terrorism can be traced to unemployment in the Middle East.

In imitation of a dictionary definition, the note first broke “harf” down as a verb: “To say something so transparently stupid and irrelevant that it causes anyone unfortunate enough to hear it to suffer a cerebral hemorrhage; ‘She really harfed that speech.’”

As a noun, the definition reads: “A statement made by someone that clearly has no clue to reality and is recognized by anyone with more than a single brain cell to be unquestionably a lie, as in ‘That was a real harf.’” (It naturally follows that a "harfster" is a person so stupid that he never even suspects he's been harfed.)

Sometimes people ask me if I think that for all my books and articles, I have made any difference, and all I can honestly say is that I have no way of knowing. The only time I can think of when my words seemed to have had a dramatic impact, they were spoken, not written, and I had no way of knowing if it was anything but an odd coincidence.

It was early in 1969 and I had been invited to a party by my actor friend George Kennedy. When I sat down on a couch, I found myself seated next to Bernie Casey, a wide receiver with the L.A. Rams. As we got to chatting, I found out he painted as a hobby and hoped to have an acting career. I kicked off my end of the conversation by suggesting he consider leaving the Rams rather than risk serious injury.

As someone who had been playing competitive football throughout high school, college and several seasons in the pros, Casey pooh-poohed the very notion. But I persisted. I suggested that he had just been very lucky. I pointed out that every time he went deep for a pass and left his feet to catch the ball, a defensive back could knock his legs out from under him, and he could land awkwardly on his head or neck and wind up paralyzed for life.

It was a week or two later that I read in the L.A. Times that Bernie Casey had retired. Even though he was in perfect health and only 29 years old, no explanation was given. So far as I was concerned, none was needed.

Fortunately, Mr. Casey went on to be both a successful artist and actor (he was the sidekick to Sean Connery’s James Bond in “Never Say Never Again”), so I feel no guilt about any part I may have played in altering his career path.

Still, my better nature compels me to suggest that if you ever see me sitting alone at a party, you just keep walking.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

"Liberal Knuckleheads " and "Dear Burt...."

When people ask me, as a Jew, to explain why so many Jews are leftists or why so many wealthy Jews, people like George Soros, Steven Spielberg, Barbra Streisand and Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbuck’s, parrot the Left’s hatred of capitalism, all I can do is shake my head and mutter “Imbeciles. Hypocritical imbeciles.”

The sad fact is that I come from a family ripe with these fruitcakes. I had several rich uncles who never got tired of praising the Soviet Union and bad-mouthing America, although not a single one ever sold his house, packed his bags and moved to the Workers’ Paradise. You would have thought that at the very least, they would have gone back for a visit just to see how much Russia, the country of their birth, had improved under the leadership of Stalin and the Communists. But, no, not even that. They preferred, like those other rich lefties -- the Clintons, the Obamas, Michael Moore, George Clooney, Dianne Feinstein, David Letterman, Nancy Pelosi, Tom Steyer -- who fly on private jets and ride around in limos and gigantic SUVs, to tell the rest of us how to live, what to eat and even how long to spend in the shower.

In case you haven’t heard, the aforementioned Howard Schultz is asking the fools who pay three times too much for coffee to strike up a conversation about race with the sales people he insists on calling baristas. As one of my readers has suggested, if he’s so concerned about the plight of poor blacks, he might start by lowering the price for a cup of java.

As for blacks, my suggestion is for everyone to follow Jason Riley’s advice and to stop trying to help them so damn much. Before LBJ stuck them back on the plantation a century after they’d left it, blacks were entering the middle class in record numbers, their marriage rate was higher than that among whites, abortions were rare, the crime rate was proportionate to their numbers, two parent families were commonplace and black churches concentrated on instilling Christian values and tolerance, as opposed to promoting racial divide and a sense of victimhood.

Recently, I suggested that we might consider swapping three Republican mediocrities like Orrin Hatch, Jeff Flake, John McCain and a player to be named later, for Bob Menendez, the only Democrat in the Senate who has the guts to oppose Obama on Cuba, Iran and Israel. A fellow conservative suggested that I sweeten the deal by tossing in Susan Collins, Lamar Alexander and Bob Corker. Although I agreed in principle, I wrote back to say “The problem is I can’t risk tossing away too many slackers, lest the Democrats, who are even worse, regain the majority in the Senate. Far better, I’d suggest, to have Harry Reid cleaning up after the elephants than running the circus.”

Obama, perhaps the pettiest man on the face of the earth, allowed his petulance towards Benjamin Netanyahu to boil over, leading him to threaten to side with Israel’s enemies at the U.N. The question is whether the Jewish Democrats in Congress will finally have the gumption to unlock their lips from Obama’s behind long enough to join people like Marco Rubio in speaking out in defense of the Jewish homeland, the only democracy and the only real ally we have in that part of the world.

It is revolting that Obama is doing everything in his power to bring about a two state solution by forcing Israel to divide itself into two parts, one part of which would be indefensible against terrorist attacks, with the other part led by Arabs and Muslims dedicated to completing Hitler’s attempt to eradicate Jews from the face of the earth. The fact that so many Americans continue to support this pathetic excuse for a human being leads me to pray for a two state solution, but one that involves America.

Although I continue to favor a governor, Scott Walker, for the presidency, Marco Rubio did a lot to win me over with the 16-minute speech he gave on the floor of the Senate in defense of Israel. In 2016, with the presidential campaign likely to focus on foreign affairs, I would love to see Rubio debating with Hillary (“What difference does it make who killed four Americans?”) Clinton. By the end of the mismatch, all that would be left of Hillary would be her broom, her black dress, her pointy hat and a little puddle of water.

Those conservative pundits who dismiss the Democrats as having a very limited bench in 2016, consisting as it would seem of Mrs. Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden and Al Gore, are displaying a dangerous lack of imagination.

Although he is the vilest resident of the White House America has ever been saddled with, Obama won two terms because he is the first black president. In like fashion, Mrs. Clinton is basing her own candidacy on being the first female president.

But, the Democrats have barely begun. They have already won with the first Catholic –John F. Kennedy – and the first draft dodger – Bill Clinton. But they have barely scratched the surface. Before they’re done, I’m sure they’ll trot out the first homosexual, the first atheist, the first Jew, the first dwarf, the first two-headed albino and, eventually, the first Cherokee wannabe, Elizabeth (Fauxcahontas) Warren.

"Dear Burt..."

Idon't envy many people, but I did envy Abigail Van Buren her “Dear Abby” column. For years, she ruled the roost with her advice not only to the lovelorn, but to people having problems with their spouses, their siblings, their in-laws and even with their neighbors and co-workers, and she often got to do it in jokey fashion.

I happen to be great at giving advice to people, especially if I can make jokes about their troubles. And in a pinch, Abby wasn’t above simply sluffing them off on shrinks, priests and ministers. I, on the other hand, would never think to deal with sub-contractors. There is simply no problem I can’t deal with in 100 words or less, so long as it’s someone else’s and not my own.

For instance: "Dear Burt, I keep trying to send email to senators from other states, but they won’t accept them. What can I do? Frustrated in Kansas."

“Dear Frustrated: I would enact a law compelling senators to accept email from one and all. After all, their decisions affect each one of us. In my case, I live in California, so matters of importance to me are of no concern to Senators Boxer or Feinstein. Recently, I tried to contact Lindsey Graham in order to ascertain why he is willing to confirm Loretta Lynch (aka Eric Holder in drag) to be the next Attorney General. Naturally, I couldn’t get through. What makes this practice particularly offensive is that my living outside their states never prevents these creeps from dunning me for campaign contributions.”

“Dear Burt: It seems to me that the Army tried Bowe Bergdahl several months ago on the charge of desertion, and yet I have yet to hear whether or not he was found guilty. What’s going on? Curious in Oklahoma.”

“Dear Curious: Like you, I am getting very impatient. It was last year that the other members of his squad went on Fox and swore that Bergdahl had deserted his post and gone off with the idea of joining the Taliban, forcing them to risk their own lives searching for him. It was, as you say, several months ago that a spokesman for the Army announced that the court martial had concluded. The fact that no result of the trial has been forthcoming has led me to conclude that he was found guilty, but that Obama has kept a lid on it, lest even the liberal media question his swapping five high-ranking terrorists for a traitor.”

“Dear Burt: Even though the presidential election is still a year and a half off, the Democrats and their stooges in the media have already started attacking Scott Walker simply because he appears to be leading in the polls. What can Governor Walker do about it? Annoyed in Oregon.”

“Dear Annoyed: Walker can do what I advise every Republican candidate to do; namely, put on his big boy pants. Any Republican who is not prepared to be pounded by the liberal pygmies should find another line of work. Instead of letting it get to him, he should learn to bask in the attacks. By his enemies, you shall know him. Walker and all the other candidates should learn to regard liberal critics the way great baseball players learn to accept the catcalls from the other team’s fans, as a tribute to their prowess. Keep in mind, they don’t boo utility infielders. Republicans should only start worrying when the liberal media praises them. A prime example was John McCain, who, in 2008, was hailed as a statesman by the NY Times, and evidently the fool took it so much to heart that he refused to run even a single TV spot tying Barack Obama to Rev. Jeremiah Wright and his racist church.”

“Dear Burt: Why is it that the GOP refuses to engage in any of the high-handed, but legal, machinations that Harry Reid employed when he was running the Senate? Fed Up in Wyoming.”

“Dear Fed Up: Unfortunately, the GOP prefers to be the minority party because Republican politicians find it so much more comfortable whining about the Democrats than actually having to do anything themselves. But, then, unlike Democrats, Republicans very rarely agree about what actually needs to be done. As a result, they generally twiddle their thumbs while waiting for the glorious day when the liberals regain power and they can get back to their whining.”

“Dear Burt: I read that the same day that Barack Obama flew to L.A. to appear on the Jimmy Kimmel TV show, Michelle flew to L.A. to appear with Ellen DeGeneres, but flew on a different plane, even though it costs well over $200,000-an-hour to keep those jets airborne. As a taxpayer, I resent this waste of my hard-earned money. Irate in Minnesota.”

“Dear Irate: I share your resentment. However, my outrage is diluted by the fact that, I, too, would do everything in my power to avoid being cooped up with either one of those creeps for 10 hours.”

“Dear Burt: For the past several months, on almost a daily basis, I have received an email that reads: ‘Obama, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death. Closing her eyes and silently entering the mystic realm of the future, she finds the answer. She tells him he will die on a Jewish holiday. When he asks her which one, she replies that it doesn’t matter, because whenever he dies, it will be a Jewish holiday.’ As a Jew, what do you make of it? Perplexed in Florida.”

“Dear Perplexed: Like you, I have received this joke too many times to count. It’s not funny, not because it’s in bad taste to joke about a president’s death, but because it makes no sense. In 2008, Obama received 78% of the Jewish vote. In 2012, even after displaying his contempt for Israel and its prime minister, he received 69% of the Jewish vote. For most American Jews, Obama’s death would be a cause for grief, for the rending of garments, not for celebration and the tossing of confetti. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but please keep in mind I only write an advice column, I’m not Sigmund Freud.”

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, March 23, 2015

Sexing & Texting with the Clintons

Joe Biden says really stupid things nearly every time he opens his yap. But that’s small potatoes compared to the crimes and sins of the Clintons. What is truly remarkable about this couple is that, outside of Arkansas, most people had never even heard of them prior to 1992.

Over the course of 23 years, they have been involved in one scandal after another. A short stroll down memory lane will remind us of Whitewater; Filegate; Travelgate; accepting campaign contributions from China; renting out the Lincoln Bedroom to political supporters; a presidential pardon to fugitive Marc Rich; sex scandals involving Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey, Juanita Broaddrick, Gennifer Flowers and Monica Lewinsky; a cozy relationship with pedophile Jeffrey Epstein; perjury; impeachment; disbarment; accepting contributions from foreign nations while serving as Secretary of State; covering up the Benghazi massacre; and now ignoring legal and ethical sanctions involving the use of unauthorized email accounts.

By any measure, this adds up to so much more than critical mass that if someone who had been in a coma for the past quarter century had awakened to this laundry list of crimes and misdemeanors, he would be legitimately shocked to learn that not only are the transgressors not in Leavenworth, but one of them is likely to run for president 20 months from now, and will receive upwards of 65 million votes.

The fact that either of these two creeps can appear in public without having to ring a little bell and announce their presence by uttering “Unclean! Unclean!” as was the responsibility of lepers in an earlier day, says nearly as much about us as about them.

Because I have the unnatural ability to see the humor in the midst of disaster, I must confess I managed to get a few laughs out of Hillary’s attempt to justify her position. Imagine a defense based on the fact that her home was protected by the Secret Service. For one thing, the Secret Service has shown itself to be a combination of the Keystone Kops and the Katzenjammer Kids. For another, as even 67-year-old Hillary should know, nobody has to actually break into your house in order to hack your computer.

Speaking of the Secret Service, what’s so confusing about Barack Obama’s apparent complacency when it comes to the incompetence of the agency is that it places his survival – rather than America’s, for once – at risk. I suppose, though, that when you’re convinced you’re God, you don’t lie awake at night, worrying about mere bullets.

Some people have scoffed at the notion that fully 50% of Hillary’s email as Secretary of State was of a personal nature, but not I. After all, during her four years on the job, the only thing she had to brag about was that she had flown more miles than John Glenn and Superman put together. So why wouldn’t I believe she spent more time checking in with the Foundation to find out how much loot they’d raked in that week or chewing the fat with her girlfriends than getting any actual work done? And as Carly Fiorina so pithily pointed out at CPAC, unless you’re the pilot, flying is an activity, not an accomplishment; just like everything else on Hillary’s resume.

Someone sent me a cartoon recently that neatly summed up the current brouhaha by showing Hillary insisting: “I did not have textual relations with that server.”

The good news for the Clintons is that even if Hillary continues to freefall in the polls, they can still run Chelsea, who is already 35 years old, in 2016. That way, the Democrats can still have a female Clinton on the ticket, and one with a lot less baggage.

To Hillary’s credit, although she is only two years younger than her husband, Bill is looking old and downright fragile, while she continues to look like a Sherman tank in a pant suit.

In spite of the Ferguson grand jury and even Eric Holder’s racist Justice Department finding that Officer Darren Wilson did nothing wrong in shooting Michael Brown in self-defense, Al Sharpton and every other black liar in and out of Congress continues to perpetuate the false narrative that young Mr. Brown was the innocent victim of a rogue cop.

So far as I’m concerned, anybody who continues to promote the “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” lie should be arrested for the crime of provoking the sort of violence we saw in Ferguson when two white police officers were recently shot during a so-called “peaceful” demonstration.

A slogan that would be more fitting, especially coming from our first black president, would be “Pants Up, Get a Job.”

I am convinced that the reason that Obama and his stooges in Congress voiced such outrage over Tom Cotton’s letter to the Ayatollah Khamenei wasn’t because it allegedly violated protocol, but because it spelled out constitutional limits, which has the same debilitating effect on liberals that kryptonite has on the aforementioned Superman.

Just in case you are unaware that madmen are leading our nation, keep in mind that Obama and Kerry have over the years made more hateful comments about Bibi Netanyahu and Israel than they have about Iran and its Supreme Leader.

What’s nearly as bad is that the one courageous Muslim who has spoken out against Islamic terrorism and the butchers who practice it is the president of Egypt, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, who has found himself on Obama’s shit list because, of all things, he led a military coup against the Muslim Brotherhood.

But, then, what can you expect from those who turn a blind eye to the part that Iran has played in killing and maiming American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, and who continue to regard Iran, not as a mortal enemy, but, reminiscent of Neville Chamberlin blundering around at Munich, as a golden opportunity.

To me, it just seems terribly unfair that Egypt winds up with a strong leader like el-Sisi calling the shots and we Americans end up with a big sissy.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, March 20, 2015

Hillary & Other Ignoramuses

Ibelieve I understand why Hillary hates the media. It’s because they keep writing the truth about her. Even the NY Times, as left-wing as it is and always has been (let us never forget that Walter Duranty won the 1931 Pulitzer Prize for filing news stories about Joseph Stalin that read like love poems), couldn’t refrain from breaking the news that during the four years she was Secretary of State, she used her personal email and owned her own server.

What she did was illegal, immoral, unethical and probably fattening, but probably no more so than the Clinton Foundation sucking in millions of dollars in foreign bribes while Hillary busied herself sightseeing on the taxpayers’ dime, lying about Benghazi and pushing the reset button with Russia.

When asked about Hillary’s using an unsecured email account, Obama, who had swapped countless communiques with Hillary, claimed he was unaware of the brewing scandal until he read about it in the newspaper. At the same time, the chap who has kept his birth certificate, his school transcript, his travel visas and his early sex life, under lock and key, insists he is as transparent as glass. Maybe, if he happens to be referring to stained glass.

We have had some mediocre presidents and some really lousy ones. But never has the White House been occupied by a person as loathsome as Obama. Not only is he wrong on every single issue, but, by word and deed, constantly displays his contempt for America, its values, its traditions and its Constitution. He tells so many fibs that you can hardly tell if it’s for a specific reason or merely out of habit. The putz lies like a rug, and a Persian one at that.

Still, all Hillary has to do is show up at a convention of Emily’s List, where merely possessing a vagina trumps intelligence, honesty and character, tromp on stage and, in that smugly shrill tone that makes my ears bleed, say, “Don’t you someday want to see a woman be president of the United States?” to elicit a standing ovation.

Well, to be fair, it takes more than having a vagina to make this group climax. It actually has to belong to a left-winger; otherwise it rates no better than one of those damn penises.

Actually, I wouldn’t mind at all having a woman in the Oval Office, so long as she’s in the tradition of Golda Meir or Margaret Thatcher, and not reminiscent of Evita Peron or Imelda Marcos.

The fact that a majority of Americans believe that race relations have only gotten worse since Obama and Eric Holder took over the White House and the Department of Justice is a given. But what is inexcusable is that there are white cops in Ferguson who are so stupid, they send tweets and email to one another in which they express their hatred of all blacks. Racism aside, how damn stupid do you have to be in 2015, when everything is recorded or videoed, to engage in such messaging? And by everything, I mean everything except high security memos sent to or from Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

And, taking a page from the lunkheads in Ferguson, we now have a video of University of Oklahoma SAE fraternity members chanting some little ditty about lynching blacks. Who are these morons and who do they think will respond favorably to their disgusting behavior? By all rights, it should be an embarrassment to everyone, whatever their race, but for some peculiar reason these louts saw fit to immortalize the occasion with a video camera.

This in no way excuses the fact that young blacks are so screwed up they think it makes sense to take every opportunity to show their hatred of cops by confronting them verbally or physically. Instead of having professional racists like Obama, Holder and Al Sharpton, constantly telling them that they’re victims of white society, it would be a welcome change if they started suggesting that young black males learn to comply with legal orders. I can only assume that the young thugs regard cooperating with cops as an affront to their machismo, but they would do well to acknowledge at some point that the cops belong to a bigger, tougher and better-armed gang than they do.

Frankly, listening to young blacks, who have been the recipients of everything from Operation Head Start to affirmative action and welfare payments all their lives, going on about being oppressed is getting really tiresome.

Slavery ended 150 years ago. In some parts of the country, Jim Crow laws continued on, but even all that ended 50 years ago. That was long before Michael Brown and the phony “hands-up-don’t-shoot” narrative was concocted.

If I were a young black, it would humiliate me that Chinese coolies were not only imported to work laying railroad tracks in the 19th century and then sent to rot in San Francisco ghettos, but that, as recently as 70 years ago, Japanese Americans were uprooted from their homes and farms, and shipped off to concentration camps for the duration of WWII, but look at them all now! For the most part, their descendants, instead of basing their lives on past grievances, are productive members of society who never riot, but, instead, get an education, get married, earn a living and raise their children in two-parent homes.

Sen. Tom Cotton and 46 other Republicans sent a letter to Iran, letting the Ayatollah Khomeini know that a deal signed by Obama, but lacking the approval of Congress, wouldn’t be binding on the next president. My question is why didn’t 54 Republican senators sign it? Or in other words, why is it that a Democratic majority in the House or Senate means something and that a Republican majority means next to nothing?

But that’s not to be taken as an endorsement of the Democrats. Why didn’t any of those who attended Netanyahu’s historical speech and gave him standing ovations sign the letter? And why, when Obama’s policies have cost their party 14 Senate seats and more than 70 seats in the House over the past three elections, do they insist on keeping their collective lips locked to his royal heinie?

I have no way of knowing if Sen. Robert Menendez’s relationship with Salomon Melgen, a wealthy Florida ophthalmologist, is entirely kosher. In fact, whenever I hear about a politician having a millionaire as his best friend, my antennas go up of their own volition. However, I’d bet more than I can afford to lose that Obama and Holder would not have sicced the Justice Department on Menendez (D-NJ) if he weren’t such a vocal opponent of Obama’s policies regarding Cuba and Iran.

For exhibiting political courage in a venue where courage is as rare as a pork chop in Saudi Arabia , I am hereby willing, even eager, to trade the Democrats three Republicans -- say Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham and Orrin Hatch -- for Menendez and a player to be named later.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

"Playing Hide & Seek With Common Sense" and "Pet Peeves & Pet Heroes"

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Although I understood that when George W. Bush was in the White House and the Republicans controlled both houses of Congress, America did not enter the state of Nirvana. Far from it. Bush banned incandescent bulbs; wasted fifteen billion dollars fighting AIDS on a continent where those suffering from the disease were convinced that the surest cure was having sex with a young virgin; and micromanaged the war in Iran by insisting that we re-build every structure a minute after either we or the enemy had knocked it down.

In the meantime, Republican senators fluttered their collective eyelashes at Ted Kennedy, hoping in their girlish hearts that he would invite them to the senior prom.

I had assumed that after the shellacking they took over the next few years, they had learned their lesson. But, obviously, I was mistaken. Mea culpa.

Over the past 52 months, the Republicans have taken back 14 seats in the Senate and over 70 in the House, and yet they have once again assumed the role they clearly find most comfortable; namely, serving as geishas for the Democrats.

In the Senate, Mitch McConnell refuses to use any of the weapons against the Democrats that Harry Reid used so effectively against the Republicans, so that, for all intents and purposes, the Democrats are still in control. Making matters worse, we have Senators Flake, Hatch and Graham, voting to confirm Loretta Lynch, Eric Holder’s hand-picked successor at the Justice Department, even though she has already testified at her confirmation hearing that she regarded Obama’s executive amnesty to be constitutional.

Then, when rookie Senator Tom Cotton campaigned to get his fellow Republicans to send a letter to Iran’s theocratic despot, letting the Ayatollah Khomeini know that if he signed a nuclear agreement with Obama, absent Senate approval, it wouldn’t be worth the paper it was written on, he couldn’t even muster a simple majority. In case you’re wondering about the identities of the seven sniveling holdouts, they are, in alphabetical order, Lamar Alexander (TN), Dan Coats (IN), Thad Cochran (MS), Susan Collins (ME), Tom Corker (TN), Jeff Flake (AZ) and Lisa Murkoski (AK).

An interesting aspect of the rumored treaty with Iran is that, at the very least, they will be able to pursue nuclear energy to their heart’s content, which is more than the liberals, taking their marching orders from environmental zealots, will allow us to do. How is it we’re not insisting that Iran start relying on solar panels and windmills for its energy needs?

Although nuclear energy is cheap, available and safe, and would make us energy independent for the foreseeable future, we haven’t built a nuclear plant since the 1970s. Perhaps if America could go to Switzerland and negotiate with John Kerry we, too, could start building centrifuges for peaceful purposes.

It is delightful to watch Hillary Clinton swing in the breeze and endlessly amusing to watch her defenders circle the wagons and try to ward off the arrows, but I can’t help wondering about those pathetic excuses for human beings. I mean, really, when long time Clinton consiglieres like James Carville and Lanny Davis respond to every scandal swirling around Hillary and Bill like traffic cops at a traffic accident (“Move along, folks, nothing to see here”), are they not aware that it’s 25 years too late to protect the reputations of these latter-day Borgias, and that all they’re doing is further trashing their own?

Someone recently sent me a note that asked a legitimate question: If gender is no longer determined by genitalia, why is race still determined by skin color?

In a day in which people are encouraged to use any public bathroom they personally feel is appropriate, why is it that people like Barack Obama, Eric Holder and Al Sharpton, are concerned with what they perceive to be injustices only when the alleged victim happens to be the same color they are?

Another reader corrected me when I attributed the offensive term “compassionate conservative” to George W. Bush rather than to his father. In response, I wrote, “Thank you for setting me straight. By way of explanation, I can only say that my wife and I had two male Maltese dogs prior to acquiring Angel. As a result, we often confuse Duke with Sammy when we reminisce about them. I find I have a similar problem when it comes to the two Bushes, which is part of the reason I am so reluctant to see us saddled with yet a third."

Recently, there was a minor shakeup at the talk radio station to which my car radio is pre-set. As a result, Mark Levin has been added at a time I am most often driving. Frankly, I was shocked. You see, I was familiar with him, having read one of his books, but I had never heard him speak. Although our politics are quite similar, I confess I find his voice extremely annoying. To my ear, he comes across as so mouse-like, he almost squeaks.

I am therefore ready to conduct yet another Prelutsky Poll. Please let me know which radio talk show host you like best and which one you like least. Please limit your votes to one of each and place your choices in the Subject Line. If you wish to add commentary or defend Mr. Levin's voice, I'd appreciate it if you would place that in the body of your email.

And please keep in mind that the sooner you vote at, the sooner I can announce the results.

Pet Peeves & Pet Heroes

Any list of my personal peeves would have to include New York City’s Mayor Bill De Blasio. Those of us who used to take shots at the former mayor, referring to him as Nanny Bloomberg, didn’t fully appreciate how much worse New York voters could do once they really put their minds to it.

I honestly thought that after siding with the street mob against the NYPD, De Blasio ran the very real risk of facing a recall election, but I should have known better than to expect New Yorkers to show any sign of sanity.

Now I have no doubt that the city’s left-wing Jewish and Italian voters will applaud De Blasio’s latest decision, which is to close the public schools for two Muslim holidays, Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Fitr. No doubt the voters will also applaud themselves for having elected this ecumenical buffoon.

In announcing this brainstorm, De Blasio explained: “This is a common sense change. It recognizes our growing Muslim community and honors its many contributions to our city.”

Unfortunately, he neglected to mention if he was referring to 9/11, the Times Square car bomber or the Muslim convert who attacked two New York cops with an axe.

In the distant past, I was a movie critic, and for a good portion of my life, I was a movie fan. But not so much lately. Part of the problem is that Hollywood has pretty much decided that stories, characters and dialogue, are nonessential, mainly due to lousy writers and to technological advances in special effects. In the industry’s defense, they have determined that they are satisfying its base audience, which consists of children and young adults.

Believing in capitalism as I do, I don’t really have a problem with the current state of affairs. Thanks to other forms of technology, I have ready access to the great movies of the past. But, having said that, I still rue what has happened to an American art form that, as with popular music, once held so much promise.

Among my major peeves is that the majority of films I’ve seen in recent years have been under-lit, as if trying to pass themselves off as radio shows. It is a fad I simply can’t get my head around. I mean, it’s not as if light bulbs constitute a major studio expense.

Another annoyance I’ve encountered are movies that open without credits, holding them off until the end, as if the producers are worried that if the action doesn’t start as soon as the film begins to roll through the projector, the audience will switch to another station.

And what’s with the damn fireballs? How many times are we going to see the hero have to out-run flames without even singeing his tail feathers?

One final peeve are directors who think that by having characters talk over each other, they’re striking a blow for realism, when in fact people are rarely that rude except on Fox News and in other lousy movies.

In the real world, one of my major peeves happen to be wealthy communists. Maybe because I grew up with a bunch of rich Russian-born uncles who never stopped praising the Soviet Union -- although none of them ever packed their bags and moved back -- such people have a special place in my craw. Today, of course, the rolls of the Democratic Party are full of these rich hypocrites, and they can always be counted upon to ballyhoo Obama’s radical transformation of America and his trampling of the Constitution.

I recently came across a word, “ultracrepidarian,” that describes a person who spouts opinions far beyond his area of expertise, assuming he or she has an area of expertise. What makes the word unique is that it allows you to describe Obama without resorting to obscenities.

Another of my numerous peeves are parents who give cutesy or crazy names to their children. This is particularly popular among the celebrity crowd. Until I looked into it, I thought that perhaps Kenye West and Kim Kardashian, who named their daughter North (North West) were the prime offenders. But that was before I delved more deeply into this pathology.

Sylvester Stallone named his kid Sage Moonblood. Rob Morrow named his son Tu. (Get it? Tu Morrow.) Jason Lee labeled his first born Pilot Inspektor. Penn Jillette went with Moxie Crimefighter. Nicolas Cage, showed his allegiance to Marvel Comics by naming his son Kal-El, while Frank Zappa apparently had two kids so he could curse one with Moon Unit and the other with Diva Thin Muffin.

Just in case you were wondering if drug use is as widespread in show biz as you’ve heard rumored, wonder no longer. All I can say is if Moxie Crimefighter or Tu Morrow ever gets around to killing his parents, he’ll want me either serving on the jury or as his defense attorney.

Of late, I have been urging my readers to drop certain charities and to support others. Having recently warned that the Humane Society of the U.S. is as corrupt as Congress, stashing untold millions of dollars in the Cayman Islands while offering only chump change to a very few animal shelters, I’m happy to report that dog lovers who wish to make a real difference should consider contributing to Paws & Stripes.

After rescuing the animals from shelters, the charity trains them to be service dogs for military veterans suffering from mental or physical injuries.

Help a dog help a soldier. I don’t think it gets much better than that.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, March 16, 2015

Obama's World & Welcome to It

In the wake of Benjamin Netanyahu’s address to Congress and the American people, Obama said he heard nothing new. Proving that his ears, in spite of their humongous size, don’t work too well, he also said that Israel’s prime minister was calling for war. Unlike Obama, I, who watched and listened to the entire speech, heard Netanyahu call for additional sanctions. I also heard him voice what every sane American believes -- that a bad deal is far, far worse than no deal with the theocratic gangsters in Tehran.

Isn’t it peculiar that it was the original sanctions, which Obama opposed, that got Iran to the negotiating table in the first place, yet Obama fears that the mere threat of additional sanctions will drive Iran away? Just where does he think they’ll go? With an economy in tatters, thanks to the free fall in oil prices, the mullahs are at greater risk of a revolution than they’ve been since the uprising in 2009. It was an uprising, by the way, which might have even led to a change of regime if only the wimp-in-chief had taken advantage of the moment to show support for the freedom-starved Iranians.

We are told that the emperor Nero fiddled while Rome burned. With the world now going up in flames, it seems our own Nero is out golfing.

During the endless analysis of Netanyahu’s remarks, I kept hearing that he didn’t ask for our military assistance and that Israel, in its 67 year history, never has, as if that’s a good thing. Why shouldn’t we fight for and alongside Israel? After all, we’ve taken up arms to protect Bosnia, Kuwait, Iraq, Libya and Afghanistan, and not one of those places is an American ally. Furthermore, thanks to NATO, we would do the same for Poland, Turkey, Romania, Croatia, Albania and Greece. And thanks to SEATO, we would go to bat for France, Bangladesh and the Philippines. When you get right down to it, Israel is just about the only place on earth where we wouldn’t get involved. That makes no sense, either morally or militarily.

Proving that women can be every bit as rude and arrogant as men, Nancy Pelosi made a point of turning her back on Netanyahu during his speech. But rather than be offended, I’m betting that under his breath, Netanyahu muttered, “Thank you, God.”

Someone sent me a cartoon recently which showed Obama standing at a podium and announcing: “You have my word…if you like your Constitution, you can keep your Constitution.”

But it might just as easily have been Eric Holder saying those words. He is without doubt the most repulsive individual to have ever been at the helm of the Justice Department. Now, as a parting shot as he leaves the post, he has decided that the police department in Ferguson, MO, is racist. Boy, talk about your pot calling the kettle names!

Holder based his conclusion on the fact that the Ferguson cops arrest more blacks and that black motorists are far more likely to face traffic stops than white drivers. It’s bad enough when people like Holder, Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, play that particular race card while ignoring the statistical fact that blacks commit violent crimes at a far greater rate than other groups. But it is particularly galling in this case because a bit of research on my part disclosed that Ferguson has a population of 21,203, of whom 14,297 are black. Of the remaining 6,906, 6,206 are white, with the other 700 divided among Asians, American Indians, Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders.

Even Holder shouldn’t be too surprised that in a town where they constitute two-thirds of the population, blacks will just naturally have more interactions with cops than will Native Americans, Asians, white people and Martians.

Speaking of which, Jason Riley, an editorial board member of the Wall Street Journal and frequent Fox panelist, recently gave a speech at Hillsdale College on the subject of race relations and law enforcement. Among the facts spelled out by Riley, a black man, is that the black crime rate has risen exponentially in the years since the Great Society gave us the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, not to mention affirmative action.

What’s more, although we are constantly being told that it’s all because of drug-related crimes that our prisons are teeming with young black men, Riley points out that blacks, who constitute a mere 13% of the nation’s population, represent 37.5% of our prison population, and that if you dismiss drug-related crimes, that number would only drop to 37%.

Yet another inconvenient truth is that police officers, whether black or white, are six times more likely to be killed by a young black man than the other way around.

The latest stink bomb tossed at the cops took place here in L.A. when a bum on Skid Row took umbrage at a police order, grabbed for the cop’s gun, and was killed for his troubles. Skid Row is what passes for an insane asylum here in Jerry Brown’s California. Thanks to a limited budget in spite of record high state taxes, we allow our crazies to wander freely. In fact, from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m., the homeless are allowed to sleep on our downtown streets. What they’re expected to do between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. is anybody’s guess. But if they happen to get into trouble with the law and grab for a cop’s gun, you can count on the L.A. Times and the ACLU to make a federal case out of it.

Inasmuch as this particular bum was a black man, I assume that Loretta Lynch, who it appears will be the next Attorney General, will call for an immediate investigation of the LAPD’s race policies; even though since 2000, there have only been 12 fatal shootings by the department, and not all of those involved black suspects.

Heck, when you consider L.A. drivers, graffiti “artists” and the morons who insist on blasting their car horns as they drive through our tunnels, I’m sorely tempted to shoot that many on a typical weekend.

Speaking of murders, Vladimir Putin’s most severe critic, Boris Nemtsov, was recently shot dead in the streets of Moscow. In the famous words of O.J. Simpson, Putin has vowed to get to the bottom of it. In fact, when O.J. gets out of prison in a few years, perhaps he could don his deerstalker cap and join in the search.

Finally, I am still hoping that some court somewhere can put the kibosh on the FCC’s decision to allow the federal government to regulate the internet. Not since the voters decided to give Obama an additional four years in which to destroy America has there been a more catastrophic brain freeze.

Putting the federal bureaucrats in charge of the internet is like putting the fox in charge of the chicken coop or the bull in charge of the china shop.

2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, March 13, 2015

The Evils of Neutrality

Recently, the FCC passed what is basically a nullification of the 1st Amendment. What’s more, they passed it along party lines, three Democrats out-voting two Republicans. Also, they did it secretly, which is pretty much the way that everything is done under Obama.

Naturally, they misnamed it Net Neutrality just as they did with the Affordable Care Act. Neutrality is the go-to word for villains because it sounds fair and objective. But keep in mind that during WWII, it was Switzerland that claimed neutrality. That enabled it to avoid invasion while, at the same time, profit from the confiscation of money and art treasures by the Nazis.

If I’d known nothing else about the ruling, I would have known which side I favored once I received an email from the Writers Guild of America cheering the decision. My Guild claims that writers will profit from having the feds overseeing the internet, but, then, the WGA, which is to the left of Juan Williams, champions everything that Obama says and does. What confounds me is that those idiots who view an all-powerful federal government as a force for good never seem to consider the possible consequences of a Republican president calling the shots.

On the other hand, when I see how feckless the GOP leadership is, I can better understand why liberals are so complacent. For instance, when Harry Reid got tired of Republican intransigence in the Senate, he simply did away with filibusters, thus allowing the Democrats to seat bureaucrats and judges with a simple majority vote. When McConnell found himself facing filibusters from the opposition, he never even considered the so-called nuclear option to ensure that the House bill tying Homeland Security to Obama’s unlawful amnesty reached the Oval Office. How better to force Obama to sign it or let the world know that he regarded amnesty to be more important than national defense?

Americans went crazy over a deflated football used in a playoff game, but McConnell not only allows Obama to determine the size of ball used, but the dimensions of the field, the officials and even decide how the game is scored.

At the recent CPAC convention, Rand Paul once again won the straw vote with 25% to Scott Walker’s 21%. Like his father before him, Sen Paul has discovered the way to win these votes is to bus in hundreds of young, enthusiastic and generally uninformed, supporters. Again, like his loopy father, he will never win a GOP state primary, and I shudder at the realization that he, whose nickname should be “The Smirker,” will never stop running.

What did surprise me is that Carly Fiorina fared so poorly at the convention that she even managed to run behind Jeb Bush. For merely pointing out, in the best line at the event, that as CEO of Hewitt-Packard, she had flown a great many miles, but that, unlike Hillary, “I understand that flying is an activity, not an accomplishment,” she deserved to run ahead of Trump, Santorum and Bush.

Speaking of which, why the heck is it that the list of CPAC speakers always includes Donald Trump? If comic relief is called for, consider inviting Jimmy Fallon or Jay Leno next year. After all, they are also not running for president.

There is evidence that in 2014, Benjamin Netanyahu and his cabinet seriously considered staging a preemptive attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities until Obama threatened that American jets would prevent it from happening.

I suppose in a weird way, it’s reassuring to know that Obama would use the U.S. military for something other than combating Ebola in West Africa, and not the least bit surprising that he would threaten an ally in a way he has refused to threaten our enemies in Syria, Iran or Yemen.

I realize that every Republican politician lives in dread of a government shutdown because the corrupt media will inevitably lay the blame at the feet of the GOP. My response is two-fold. One: Put on your big boy pants. The media is always against you. If they’re not, you’re doing something wrong. My immediate advice is to stop subscribing to the NY Times. The real power the media has is the ability to bluff you dummies out of your shoes, not to mention your convictions.

Two: You don’t have to spend all your time in reality, but it’s important to pay it a visit once in a while. The last government shutdown took place in October, 2013. Thirteen months later, you guys took control of the Senate and added to your majority in the House. The public at large has the attention span of a flea. So learn not to cave every damn time the liberals threaten to huff and puff and blow your house down.

Finally, oppose Obama every chance you get. That’s why you were elected, whether you’re in or out of the Tea Party. No matter what you hear on MSNBC, the creature in the Oval Office is not a universally beloved figure. Most Americans don’t even like him. They know he regards America with something approaching contempt.

Some people think Obama’s a Muslim, and that’s why he’s always bending figuratively and sometimes literally to our sworn enemies. Some people believe he’s a Christian, even though he doesn’t attend church, read the Bible or share the typical Christian’s concern for Israel’s survival.

Still, even among that latter group, there are many who wonder what sort of Christian could attend a church for 20 years where the sermons often involved blasphemous attacks on America, and where 9/11 was justified as a case of America’s finally getting its comeuppance.

That’s why it was predictable that his choice to head up the Office of International Religious Freedom was Rabbi David Saperstein. After leaving the position open for years, Obama decided to fill it with a Jew in order to balance all the Muslims, starting with Valerie Jarrett, with whom he has surrounded himself.

But Saperstein is a RINO (a rabbi in name only), and was formerly the head of both Rabbis for Obama and the Religious Action Center, which has nothing at all to do with religion. It is a leftist advocacy group that promotes gun control, ObamaCare, gay marriage, affirmative action and abortions on demand.

Making the circle complete, the rabbi’s wife is Ellen Weiss, who for years ran the anti-Israel program, “All Things Considered,” on National Public Radio. With Jews like Saperstein and Weiss around, Israel will never want for enemies.

Finally, feeling as I do that most professional critics, especially when it comes to such ethereal matters as art, music and dance, are essentially con men in possession of press credentials, I was delighted when I read that actor-singer Martin Mull once observed that “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

America's Suicide Note

Anyone who’s lived a while has had friends and relatives die, and knows the grief that can overwhelm the survivors. It’s further compounded when the death is a suicide. At such times, you can’t help thinking about what you might have said or done that could have prevented it. That’s how I now feel about America.

I suppose each of us must determine for himself if the crime taking place is suicide by means of a slow-acting poison or murder that can be laid at the feet of homicidal liberals, but I don’t think there can be any question that America is not long for this world.

America’s most precious possession, the Constitution, has been dragged through the mud by those whose egotism is so great that they seem to believe that their whims -- whether motivated by honest conviction or for strictly partisan reasons -- trumps what a bunch of divinely-inspired, long dead white guys, came up with a couple of hundred years ago.

And unlike what passes for leadership these days -- a bunch of braying donkeys and preening peacocks -- who never give a thought to anything beyond their next election, these were men who pledged their sacred honor and meant it, and, moreover, had sacred honor to pledge.

One can easily imagine America gazing into her mirror, tears running down her cheeks, thinking that even Alzheimer’s might be a blessing. That way the reflection looking back would remind her how grotesque she has become, but she would at least be spared remembering the beauty that she once possessed.

In the meantime, I think it is criminal that the Supreme Court justices get to take off for so many months. I realize that several of them are getting on in years, but they’re not doing manual labor. In fact, they barely do any mental labor. All the grunt work is done by their staff. Those are the eager beavers whose job it is to hunt down precedence and write up briefs, and then get to brag for the next 50 years that they worked for a judge who owed his judicial career to some political hack.

It seems to me that when the President or members of Congress question the constitutionality of an executive edict or a piece of legislation, it should be fast-tracked to the Supreme Court. Why should it have to go through lower courts when everyone knows the final decision is inevitably going to rest with the Supremes? It’s obviously far more important to decide whether Obama had the authority to change the Affordable Care Act a dozen times or grant executive amnesty to five million illegal aliens than whether the justices give their blessing to same-sex marriages.

And just maybe if the justices didn’t take four month vacations, they’d have time to do both.

I used to think that there should be a way to prevent everyone named Kennedy from seeking political office. I have now come to add the names of Bush and Clinton to that short list. With over 300 million people in the country, I’m sure we can do better.

Speaking of people named Clinton, in spite of having signed a pledge not to accept bribes -- I mean, contributions -- from foreign nations while Hillary was serving as Secretary of State, it now appears that the Clinton Foundation was raking in all they could grab from Algeria, Norway, Kuwait, Qatar, Australia and Oman, between 2009 and 2013.

What is it about that particular job that it keeps getting filled by people from the bottom of the barrel? As bad as Mrs. Clinton was, we now have John Kerry, who is in the process of giving the store away to Iran, the country that has done more to support Islamic terrorism than even Saudi Arabia, just so Obama can brag that he got a nuclear deal signed with the mullahs. The big question about Kerry is how anyone who slandered American soldiers in the 1970s, and lied about his own military service, can wind up running the State Department in 2015.

The ugly truth is that Kerry has said far viler things about his fellow Americans than he ever has about those currently beheading and frying Christians.

Someone once suggested that people get the government they deserve. If true, imagine what that says about us.

In other news, when Stephen Hawking recently decided to boycott an Israeli conference as a way to display his sympathies with the so-called Palestinians, some people wondered how such a brilliant fellow can also be a Jew-hater. How, they muse, can such a brainy chap align himself not only with those who elected Hamas to govern them, but to spit on those who invented the miraculous microchip that allows him to speak?

The answer is that brilliance in one area -- outer space in this case -- doesn’t mean that one can’t be a nincompoop in every other area. Brilliance is a nice gift, but it’s really no substitute for wisdom and commonsense.

Hawking’s decision also highlights the fact that the two places where you can’t swing a cat without hitting an anti-Semite are the Middle East and among the English intelligentsia.

What I find most startling about this state of affairs isn’t that the likes of Hawking, Vanessa Redgrave, Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, to name but a few, hate Jews. In England, as in most of the European nations, hating Jews is what passes for tradition. Sometimes, I even suspect it’s the only exercise they get. The real mystery is that in doing so, they feel the need to identify themselves with the backward savages who subjugate women and homosexuals, do everything in their power to stifle free speech and religious freedom, and, with rather delicious irony, happen to openly despise science, arts and entertainment, and those who are so engaged.

Finally, I am passing along something that has gone viral, but you may have missed it. It is rumored that Pete Carroll, the coach of the Seattle Seahawks, is apparently ready to sign on as a special consultant to Pope Francis.

It seems the Pope wishes to recruit Carroll to be an envoy for the Vatican because he is the first man in history who, on Sunday, February 1st, 2015, caused 100 million people to jump up and yell “Jesus Christ!” in unison.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, March 9, 2015

"Oscars, ISIL & Etc." and "America Needs A Shrink"

Every year, I watch the Oscars and every year I swear it’s for the last time. Mainly what keeps bringing me back is the 25 cent bet I make with my wife and the bragging rights that go with it. As you can see, ours is not the most exciting household in the San Fernando Valley.

Still, I hasten to mention that I have won the quarter every single year. This year, however, after jumping off to a 5-2 lead, Yvonne came clawing back. In fact, coming up to the final three categories, she led 9-8. Worse yet, we had agreed on two of the three – each of us picking Julianne Moore to win as Best Actress for “Still Alice” and “American Sniper” as Best Picture. My only way of even tying was if Eddie Redmayne won the Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of Stephen Hawking in “The Theory of Everything.”

Still, when Redmayne won, I actually felt I had cheated. I mean, neither of us had seen the movie. But I knew that Redmaybe had portrayed a man with ALS, which meant he would spend two hours scrunching up his face and slumping in a wheelchair. How, I had asked myself, could the sappy Academy members not vote for him?

We also didn’t see the evening’s big winner, “Birdman,” so the fact that we each somehow managed to pick 10 of the winners in the 24 categories is rather impressive in a totally unimpressive sort of way.

The worst thing about the Oscars weren’t the awful movies vying for the gilded statuettes or seeing the gay host of the event, Neil Patrick Harris, appearing onstage in his Jockey shorts, but the banalities spewed by presenters and victors. For instance, we had Patricia Arquette bitching that actresses aren’t paid the same as actors, and then had to watch the usually sane Meryl Streep leap to her feet to applaud the inanity.

The fact is that Hollywood is fairly egalitarian when it comes to paying actors and actresses. The problem for the ladies is that the big money goes to those whose movies rack up huge grosses at the box office. So the fact that Ms. Streep has been Oscar-nominated something like 400 times doesn’t count for very much when compared to the money that Matt (the “Bourne” series) Damon, Johnny (the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series) Depp or Robert ( the “Iron Man” and “Sherlock Holmes” series) Downey, Jr., have made for the studios. In Hollywood, this is what passes for penis envy.

But we also had to see yet another tuneless, pointless, song, “Glory” cop an Oscar. It was possibly not as offensive as the 2005 Oscar winner, “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp,” but, musically, it may have been even lousier. Worse yet, was having to listen to the singer-songwriters John Legend and Common complain about the way blacks are treated.

They may have been referring to the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, but were probably parroting Al Sharpton’s gripe that no black actor or actress was nominated for an Oscar this year. But to compensate for that terrible offense, the Academy, ever sensitive to its politically correct image, saw to it that every black in Hollywood got to accompany a white presenter to the microphone. By the end of the evening, I fully expected to see Eric Holder and Barack Obama strolling out with Lady Gaga or Julie Andrews on his arm.

Some of you may be wondering why, when Hollywood has stopped making musicals and such talents as Cole Porter, Jerome Kern, Irving Berlin and Gershwin, are no longer knocking out tunes, they continue to hand out Oscars for the Best Song. It’s because there’s as much jealousy between the various branches of the Academy as there is between actors, writers and directors. Even though the award-winning songs are, unlike the often terrific dramatic scores, a constant source of embarrassment, the music branch of the Academy will surrender one of its two categories the same day Russia cedes Crimea.

In other news, I view ISIL in spite of its televised atrocities, as a distraction employed by Obama in order to take our focus away from the fact that he and Kerry are apparently agreeing to allow Iran to move forward with its nuclear program.

Anyone who compares the danger posed by a ragtag crew of 30,000 creeps driving trucks and SUVs to an Islamic nation numbering 80 million that has sworn to obliterate Israel and the United States is peddling you a load of malarkey.

If we were really serious about wiping out ISIL, we could do it in a week, and that would be the end of their caliphate in Iraq and Syria. The caliphate we should be worried about is the one that already exists in Iran.

It’s not an exact parallel, but it’s similar to what took place in the 1930s when people were focused on the Spanish Civil War and Italy’s invasion of Ethiopia, while ignoring the fact that Hitler was putting together a massive war machine in Germany.

Today, Obama and his hand puppets at the State Department explain away Islamic terrorism by pointing to “the legitimate grievances” of those who are unemployed in the Middle East. Well, thanks to the penalties laid on Germany by those who won World War I, Germans had a lot to gripe about. That was why Hitler had such an easy time trading on their anger and frustration to gain power.

But in retrospect, who cares if German grievances were or weren’t legitimate? The important thing was to defeat them, not to ponder their motivation or provide excuses for their butchery.

Finally, whether the subject is climate, economics or the unemployment rate in Islamic nations, whenever a so-called authority tells you something you know to be a lie, you can bet you’re in the presence of a mountebank.

In my own case, when Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman ballyhoos Obama’s policies, Pope Francis announces that global warming is the greatest threat facing mankind or Barack Obama tells me what time it is, I cover my ears and start humming as loud as I can.

America Needs A Shrink

BARACK OBAMA insists we can’t identify the enemy because if we utter the word “Islamic,” even if we modify it with “extremists,” “jihadists” or “fundamentalists,” every Muslim will assume we’re at war with them. Not only is that absurd and condescending, but it doesn’t come close to passing the smell test.

There are factions of Muslims who are constantly at war with one another, so why would Muslims assume that if we attack, say, ISIL or Boko Haram, but not Jordan or Egypt, we can’t distinguish between our friends and our enemies? Instead, it’s Obama, with his constant attacks on Bibi Netanyahu, who seems unable to make that particular distinction.

Besides, Obama never tires of telling us that the barbarians who are slitting throats and bar-be-cuing Christians, Jews and their fellow Muslims, have nothing whatever to do with Islam, so why his reluctance to wage war on them?

In related news, the ISIL beheader has been identified as Mohammad Emwazi of London. It seems he is from a well-to-do family and has graduated from college with a degree in computer programming. So I guess he didn’t become a throat-slitting jihadist, as Obama and Marie Harf recently suggested, because he couldn’t get a job flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Meanwhile, in Denver -- formerly known as the Mile High City, but now, thanks to the legalization of marijuana, more of a Ten Mile High City – a black thug called a black police officer a nigger. In response, rather than bounce a billy club off the punk’s noggin, he said, “I am not a nigger.” As a result, the loons running Denver have reprimanded the cop for saying the n-word,” ignoring the context, thus ruining his future chances for promotion.

I’m reminded that Marco Rubio observed: “Every day Joe Biden says something that would end my career if I said it."

I heard someone on the radio the other day claim that one of the worst things George W. Bush ever did was come up with the term “compassionate conservative,” and to an extent I agree. The term, after all, distinguishes between those compassionate ones and all the rest of us, as if conservatism is as nasty and diabolical as liberals insist it is.

But inasmuch as Bush also approved of amnesty without building a fence at the border; promoted No Child Left Behind, a precursor to Common Core; and banned incandescent light bulbs, I would say that the schmuck was about as conservative as his kid brother.

For some years now, one public official after another has lied about his military service. It probably started with John Kerry, who came back from Vietnam and managed to forge a political career out of slandering his fellow soldiers as sadists and baby-killers, and lying about his alleged injuries in order to cop a couple of Purple Hearts.

The latest offender is, not too surprisingly, the Secretary of Veteran Affairs, Bob McDonald, who claimed to have been a member of Special Forces. With such despicable creeps at the top, is it any wonder that wounded warriors continue to die while under the so-called care of the V.A.?

It seems that in 2014, there were 16,900 federal employees who were paid over $200,000. Keep in mind that was only counting base salary, and didn’t take into account overtime and bonuses. Most of them were working at – you guessed it! – the V.A. For the record, more than 1,600 federal employees made in excess of $300,000.

Lest you think those bonuses were the kind – say a week’s salary -- you might get if your company did really well, Lois Lerner, late of the IRS, collected $110,000 in bonuses during her last three years on the job. As you see, her efforts to target Tea Party groups between 2010 and 2012 were greatly appreciated.

As you may or may not have noticed, as members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Orrin Hatch, Jeff Flake and Lindsey Graham, carried through on their promise to confirm Loretta Lynch as the next Attorney General. That is akin to re-confirming Eric Holder to another two years on the job. If the voters in Utah, Arizona and South Carolina, don’t at least attempt to recall these three idiots, they should be denied the right to complain about Ms. Lynch in the future.

I often listen to Dennis Prager when I’m in the car, which is the only time I listen to the radio. He is another of my fellow Jewish conservatives and I often agree with his take on topics. However, he has one belief that he brings up on a regular basis, with the intention of setting straight those who deign to disagree with him.

The moral question he poses is this: If your pet dog or cat and a stranger are both drowning, and you can only rescue one of them, which would it be?

To Prager, the obvious answer is the stranger. His reason is that only human beings have souls and are created in the image of God. I have heard this from him for a great many years and each time I hear it, steam spews out of my ears.

Now I’m willing to grant that if the stranger is a baby or a child, I would, with a heavy heart, allow my pet to drown.

But, assuming we’re talking about an adult, I am willing to take on Prager and deny him the moral high ground. For one thing, I don’t believe that every human being is created in the image of God. Was Hitler? Was Stalin? Was Pol Pot or Saddam Hussein or Idi Amin? Anyone wish to argue that Mohammad Emwazi, aka "Jihadi John," was created in God’s image or even that he has what most of us regard as a soul?

But even if the person drowning isn’t a notorious villain, we all draw conclusions when we see a fellow human being. If the guy going down for the third time fits my notion of a meth dealer or a tattooed thug, why would I rescue him and allow my dog Angel to die? My wife and I have, after all, accepted responsibility for Angel’s well-being, and we take that responsibility seriously.

Speaking of people of questionable worth, hardly a day goes by when we don’t hear about some idiot trying to outrace a train. In spite of lights, bells and closing gates, some people simply refuse to be warned off. In certain quarters, I believe this phenomenon is commonly referred to as a thinning of the herd.

God forbid I should rescue one of those morons and allow our beloved dog to drown.

2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, March 6, 2015

Paging Charles Darwin

Even though Bernie Goldberg has elected for perfectly rational reasons to stop posting my articles, we continue to exchange friendly email. I like Bernie and I think he’s a smart guy, but occasionally I think he goes out of his way to poke Evangelicals, possibly to appear fair and balanced when attacking Islamic jihadists.

Although Bernie is not a liberal, it is the sort of moral equivalence in which those on the Left are often engaged. It’s not unlike Obama’s comparing those who are lopping off heads and setting people on fire today to the Crusades, which took place a thousand years ago and were conducted in retaliation to Islamic barbarism.

Recently, after Scott Walker refused to answer an English reporter’s question about Evolution, Bernie took him to task and, by extension, those Christians who are convinced that the earth is only 6,000 years old.

I wrote to him, stating: “I believe in Evolution. You believe in Evolution. A great many people who vote for Republicans take the Bible literally and believe that God actually created everything in six 24-hour days. That being said, why should a GOP politician even bother answering a gotcha question that serves no other purpose than to help get his liberal opponent elected?”

My own response to the English bloke would be that there is no contradiction between science and religion; that the world evolved, but the force behind both its creation and its evolvement was God. And I would then quickly segue into prepared remarks about wiping out ISIS, and how our two countries should lead the fight against Islamic fascism, just as we did in the 40s when we united to defeat Nazism.

Or perhaps, if I were in a waspish mood, I might say, “Don’t be such a twit. I’m a politician, not a theologian. Would you ask the Archbishop of Canterbury how he feels about tariffs or the corporate tax rate?”

The fact of the matter is that it doesn’t really matter what senators and presidents think about Evolution because it will never influence their policy decisions. Belief in global warming, on the other hand, is Al Gore-inspired malarkey that has made him a billionaire and has the potential to bankrupt the industrial West. And when you get right down to it, that’s what motivates many of its most enthusiastic, anti-capitalistic, anti-American, proponents.

It seems to me that if Bernie Goldberg or anyone else is going to attack those peddling myths, it makes more sense to ridicule those whose myths can actually do irreparable damage to America.

Speaking of England, recently the Brits have noticed a huge spike in air rage incidents involving passengers attacking personnel, smoking in the loos and making dumb jokes about bombs on planes. They have traced the source of the problem to guest lounges at the airport, where people are fueling up for the flight with intoxicatingly large amounts of booze.

It reminded me that some years ago, I was taking a train from San Diego to L.A. and there were nonstop announcements, urging passengers to visit the bar car and imbibe. It was as if John Barleycorn had control of the P.A. system.

I found it so irresponsible and annoying that I wrote a letter to Amtrak. I pointed out that not only did the boozers grow increasingly loud and obnoxious as we made our way up the coast, but they were then stumbling off the train and getting into their cars to drive home.

Some bureaucrat wrote back, promising to look into it. My guess is that the only thing he looked into was how much dough Club Amtrak was raking in, and then received a bonus for suggesting they also start offering crack cocaine and heroin.

Something I don’t understand is why Vladimir Putin has been so reluctant to regain Russia’s lost empire. When he looks around and notices that the U.S and its NATO allies refuse to confront the small army of ISIS -- an army, by the way, lacking an air force -- you would think he’d begin salivating at the thought of gobbling up Hungary, Poland, the Czech Republic, East Germany and anything else in the European smorgasbord that might tantalize his appetite.

I mean, really, if beheadings and human bonfires aren’t enough to incite and unite what passes for western civilization, it’s hard to imagine that a few divisions of Russian tanks and infantry rolling across borders is going to meet with any real resistance.

On the other hand, in the Middle East we are seeing something some of us never imagined possible. The prime minister of Israel, the king of Jordan and the president of Egypt, are joining together in opposition to ISIS. It would be nice to see the United States taking its place among the nations of the willing, but so long as Barack Obama remains the world’s foremost apologist for Islamic terrorism, it’s probably just as well that America is not involved. If anything, we should probably be grateful that Obama hasn’t thrown his support to the jihadists.

In better news, Ash Carter, recently installed as this month’s Secretary of Defense, did the right thing by removing Admiral John Kirby as the spokesman for the Pentagon, and promising to replace him with a civilian. Listening to lies intended to prop up Obama and mislead Americans is bad enough without having to listen to them from a schmuck with a chest full of medals, who brought dishonor to his military uniform by performing the duties of a political hack.

It was recently divulged that the Hillary, Bill and Chelsea Clinton Foundation has collected two billion dollars since 2001, much of it from foreign nations, including the likes of Qatar, Saudi Arabia and the Sultanate of Oman. Some people feel this could prove an embarrassment to Hillary if she makes a run for the 2016 nomination, but I disagree. I don’t believe it is possible to shame this couple. I mean, after Monica Lewinsky and Benghazi, the fact that these two are still lusting for power tells you they not only don’t know the meaning of shame, they can’t even spell the word.

However, when it comes to money and politicians, it’s my feeling that any time someone gets into politics poor and ends up wealthy, he or she should wind up in jail. Better yet, I would deal with corrupt politicians the way rumor has it things were handled in ancient Rome. I’d tie them in a burlap bag with a wild cat and toss the bag in the river. For those of you who think we should prove ourselves to be more civilized than the Romans, I’d be willing to spare the wild cat.

Finally, we come to someone who in a less scandal-riddled administration would be attracting a good deal more attention. I refer to Joe Biden. When you take his sleazy habit of running his hands over every woman within reach and combine it with his insistence on swimming in the nude in front of his female Secret Service agents, you have a V.P. who reminds a lot of people of their creepiest uncle – the one who eventually wound up in the clink or the loony bin.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?