Friday, July 31, 2015

Land of the Freeloaders

If Rip Van Winkle slept for a few decades and awoke today, he wouldn’t know where he was. No longer the land of the free and the home of the brave, America has morphed into a place that is part insane asylum, part soup kitchen and part sewer.

Think what Mr. Van Winkle would make of traditional marriage. When he pulled the blankets under his chin, the Left was announcing that the institution was outdated and bourgeois, to boot, ensuring that the young and hip, including those who were busy having kids or abortions, would give it a wide berth. Then, suddenly, homosexuals, who would have us believe that they are the youngest and the hippest, decided it was only passé because they weren’t being allowed to partake. Overnight, the Left decided marriage was sacred, and to deny guys the right to marry other guys, and gals the right to marry other gals, was an affront to everything America allegedly holds dear.

The latest examples of people walking around in public without their brains was presidential candidate Martin O’Malley apologizing to an audience of boorish blacks for insisting that all lives matter when by this time every liberal understands that only black lives matter. If he at least had some guts to make up for his lack of brains, he might have said, “If black lives matter so much, why don’t you do something about all those young black thugs killing blacks in your neighborhood, instead of wasting everyone’s time whining about cops and white people?”

Proving that he’s every bit the bonehead ex-Gov. O’Malley is, Seattle’s Mayor Ed Murray, having been told that according to Sharia law, Muslims aren’t allowed to pay interest on loans, wishes to offer Muslims in his hometown interest-free home loans, leaving it to Seattle’s suckers to pony up the difference.

Frankly, I suspect he’s got it wrong. I expect that Muslims, as it is with orthodox Jews, who aren’t supposed to charge their fellow Jews interest, Muslims are allowed to pay interest on home loans and are just hoping that nobody sets Mayor Murray straight.

Speaking of Muslims, isn’t it time that when someone named Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez opens fire on a Marine recruiting office, we accept that it’s an Islamic act of terrorism without having to wait for a psychological profile to confirm what we all already know?

In the meantime, the Great Satan who resides in the White House, who saw fit to bathe the place with colored lights in celebration of the Supreme Court’s latest brain freeze, waited five days before caving in to public pressure and ordering that flags be lowered in honor of the sailor and the four Marines murdered by young Abdulazeez.

Proving that the folks at the Department of Defense are as dense as bricks, but not nearly as useful, the solution they came up with to prevent future carnage at military recruitment centers is that Marines wear civvies on the job. Apparently Washington bureaucrats think that Muslims are as stupid as they are. Do they really believe that when the next jihadists show up at the mall, they’ll simply drive by and then go home, fooled by the fact that the folks sitting at the desks inside aren’t wearing their uniforms?

America doesn’t need a he-man like Vladimir Putin in the Oval Office. We don’t need a bare-chested hunter of bears, a man who swims in icy waters or a guy who rips Moscow telephone books in half. We do need a president who thinks all American lives matter, not just those of blacks, Hispanics and Muslims. We need a person who is more concerned with America’s future than with his legacy, more concerned with our best interests than with Cuba’s and Iran’s.

What we have in Barack Obama is an underachieving fruitcake who came into office believing, mistakenly, that America required a radical transformation. What we require of the next president is that he’ll understand that eight years later, America will desperately need to be radically transformed back to the way it used to be.

I doubt that any of my readers are dumb enough to take the bet, but I am giving odds that next year’s Nobel Peace Prize will be shared by John Kerry and Mohammad Javad Zarif. (Are all of those schmucks named Mohammad?)

I had my own problems with George W. Bush. Mainly, they revolved around the way he conducted the Iraq War, not that he waged it. I objected to the fact that he forced the military to fight with one arm tied behind its collective back. I refer to the fact that he wouldn’t allow mosques to be bombed even though we knew Saddam Hussein was using them as armories and barracks, forcing our soldiers to fight pitched battles in the streets. And let us not forget that, according to Bush’s book of wartime etiquette, we were required to re-build every damn building almost as soon as we knocked it down.

I was willing to give him points for his highly publicized greetings of returning vets at the Dallas airport and his visits to military hospitals and even his annual bike rides with wounded vets, although I never lost sight of the fact that if he’d conducted a different kind of war maybe so many of them wouldn’t have been wounded, or worse, in the first place.

It didn’t help that he was also the jackass who seemed to devote every waking hour to telling us that Islam was a religion of peace.

But ever since the AP reported that in 2012, he gave a speech on behalf of a Texas-based military charity called Helping a Hero, charging them $100,000, and an additional $20,000 for the private jet ferrying him to and fro, I have begun to understand why he and Bill (ka-ching) Clinton seem to get along so well.

Lest you think he is really hard up financially, it seems that since leaving office in 2009, Bush has given at least 200 other speeches, earning him in excess of $30 million. That’s not counting the book deals.

But that is the sort of nation we have become. Our ex-presidents, and some of their wives, seem to think they should be as rich as Midas.

But perhaps we shouldn’t expect anything better. After all, if you take a long hard look at America, you’ll find that we have a website dedicated solely to adulterers looking to link up. The garbage pail known as the Internet is full of pedophiles buying and selling child pornography. And just about every day some outfit is sending me email promising to enhance my penis.

We have devolved from a once-great nation to an open sewer without borders, a functioning military, and a Constitution that’s treated like toilet paper by the president and five members of the Supreme Court.

Sometimes, I swear, it’s only the hope of one day having an enhanced penis that keeps me going.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Playing Catch-Up

I know that there is no way I can ever really catch up with the news, but I’m addicted to trying. The problem is that even in the time it will take me to complete this article, eight or nine more things are going to be said or will take place that will make this piece every bit as dated as the Charleston.

For instance, no sooner do I say that I’m glad Donald Trump is sticking around then he turns around and attacks John McCain. Normally, I wouldn’t mind. After all, aside from being an out-spoken foe of Obama’s conciliatory approach to Iran and ISIS, McCain has been a total washout as a senator. In spite of having limited arm movement thanks to five years of torture at the hands of Jane Fonda’s good friends, the North Vietnamese, he has spent the last 30 reaching across the aisle to embrace the likes of Russ Feingold and Ted Kennedy.

Making matters worse, in 2008, by refusing to link Obama to Rev. Wright and his racist church, McCain all but took a dive in the election, ushering in the worst administration in America’s history.

But instead of mentioning any of that, Trump had to let us know that he disapproves of soldiers who suffer the misfortune of being captured by the enemy. It was a totally indecent thing for a man who, himself, avoided the risk of becoming a POW by securing a series of student deferments, to say.

A few minutes later, Trump changed his mind and said that perhaps John McCain had been a hero, after all. I’m surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash.

But that’s the problem with Trump. He rarely seems to fully engage his brain before speaking. It gives people the impression that he only has second thoughts, never those all-important first ones. A similar thing happened when he announced his intention to run, neglecting to specify that the Mexican killers and rapists he was referring to were those who were illegal aliens.

Trump seems to suffer from a weird version of Tourette’s syndrome. But instead of being unable to stop himself from muttering obscenities, he can’t seem to stop insulting his Republican opponents. That’s not to say that some of them don’t have it coming, but it is best left up to people like me and Ann Coulter, who aren’t running for anything, to ridicule them. It is way past time that Trump stopped displaying the same contempt for Reagan’s 11th Commandment that Obama has for our Constitution.

I’m just saying it would make for a nice change if Trump would occasionally say something nasty about Mrs. Clinton or Mr. Obama, instead of constantly supplying their side with talking points. As things stand, I can no longer cut him any slack for contributing to Hillary’s Senate campaigns. How can I keep writing it off to the cost of doing business in New York when the only politicians he seems to despise are Republicans?

Moving on, it is high time that we not only allowed, but insisted, that members of the military carry side arms at recruitment centers and also on base. I understand that some bad apples may occasionally misuse guns, but those, like Major Hasan, are the ones who never seem to have a problem arming themselves.

Besides, how dare Obama deny those brave souls who volunteer to defend our lives the ability to defend their own? As you may have noticed, Obama never voices an objection to him and his family being protected by men with guns.

But, then, this is the same schmuck who has decided that whereas our Marines can’t be trusted with firearms, he’s ready, even eager, to trust Iran with nukes and ballistic missiles.

By this time, I assume we’ve all seen the woman who oversees “medical” services for Planned Parenthood munching on her salad while casually offering a discourse on the best way to dissect an embryo. I suspect that even some abortion activists were revolted by the video, but not, I’m guessing, very many.

The thing that I find truly obnoxious about the Pro-Choice crowd is that they are often the same degenerates who break into a cold sweat over the survival of snail darters, polar bears and delta smelt.

Worse yet, liberals are quick to pull out their crying towels if they suspect that serial killers experience the slightest bit of discomfort while being executed, but are nonchalant when it comes to the Nazi-like butchery performed during a typical abortion.

Liberal lunkheads are always defending Islam by pointing out that no more than 10% of 1.2 billion Muslims are willing to kill in the name of Mohammad. But, one, they never tell you how they arrive at that percentage or, two, why it is they never count the cheerleaders in the mosques and streets of Dearborn and Tehran.

Something else they slide by is that even just one-tenth of 1.2 billion is 120 million people, a number larger than that of any nation in Europe, except for Russia, and nearly as many as the combined populations of England and France.

Speaking of Europe, a reader, Charlie Saucier of Metairie, Louisiana, reminded me that Greece is only one of the four most socialistic nations in Europe that have seen or are about to see their socialist economies take them to the brink of financial disaster. The other three are Portugal, Italy and Spain. Once you stick Greece in the mix, their initials ironically spell out PIGS.

One of the oddities to come out of the sex scandal swirling around Bill Cosby is that during the 70s, he would sometimes go by the name of Seymour Rapaport. It made me wonder if, when he’d hit on a young woman and she’d ask him if he wasn’t the rich and famous actor/comedian, he would say, “No, we resemble each other, but my name is Seymour Rapaport, and I’m a Jewish accountant from Skokie.”

At least that might explain why he had to knock them out with drugs before they’d have sex with him.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 27, 2015

The Deal to End All Deals

In his hour-long defense of the indefensible deal that had the Ayatollah Khamenei dancing in Tehran, Barack Obama called for Congress and the American people to consider it from every possible angle. But then our own Supreme Leader, the Ayatollah Obama, went on to say that he would veto any attempt to scuttle it, no matter what we all decided.

To do what he threatens would require that 34 Democrats in the Senate rush to uphold his veto. Were that to happen, each of them should be regarded as a Quisling and be forced to ring a little bell whenever he or she ventured out in public, alerting decent people that a plague carrier is in the vicinity. Right now, I am shopping for just such a bell so I can send it to Mrs. Clinton, who quickly endorsed the treaty that pretends not to be a treaty.

At the last minute, Obama allowed Iran to remove the ban on ballistic missiles, but did nothing to compel Iran to release four American hostages. He then got his nose out of joint when a reporter dared to ask him why he didn’t even try. After several seconds spent seething at such impertinence, Obama said it might have scuttled the deal. It’s my guess, however, that it was because all four are Christians and none of them are black. Time and again, he has shown that blacks and Muslims are the only Americans with whom he sympathizes.

A friend of mine was surprised that the Ayatollah didn't demand that Obama release more prisoners from Gitmo. I told him that the bigger surprise is that Obama didn't offer it as a signing bonus.

In discussing the $160 billion that we will be releasing to the regime that bankrolls most of the terrorism taking place in the world, Sen. Ted Cruz cleverly and correctly referred to it as the jihadist stimulus bill.

Jack Engelhard, writing in Arutz Sheva, managed to find a few silver linings in the agreement. To begin with, Israel is once again being recognized as David to Iran’s Goliath, and can no longer be depicted by the anti-Semites as a gigantic ogre lording it over the Hamas-dominated Palestinian swine.

Two, the deal even managed to unite Netanyahu and Herzog, the recent opponents in the Israeli election, in their mutual condemnation of the agreement. Moreover, Saudi Arabia and the other Sunni states finally came to recognize, at least temporarily, Israel as a partner, and not merely a scapegoat.

And finally, if the Democrats in Congress actually link arms to defend their president, having decided that partisanship counts for more than Israel’s survival and our own nation’s security, everyone will understand that they care more about Obama’s well-being than America’s. They will also belatedly grasp that it wasn’t just a few malcontents at the 2012 presidential convention who were booing loudly every time that Israel was mentioned.

I believe that those who support Chris Christie in his pursuit of the GOP nomination should keep in mind that if another hurricane hits the Jersey shore anytime soon, the schmuck will go rushing back into the arms of Obama.

While watching the video of the creature from Planned Parenthood, Dr. Deborah Nucatola, the group’s senior director of medical services, noshing on her salad and sipping her glass of wine, I nearly upchucked my own dinner. While discussing how carefully their abortionists go about crushing embryos in order to avoid destroying the tiny body parts they harvest for re-sale put some in mind of another doctor, Josef Mengele. For my part, I was reminded of Hannibal Lecter’s insistence on fava beans and a nice Chianti being the proper accompaniment to dining on human flesh.

Baltimore prosecutor Marilyn Mosby, who has spent the past several months demonizing and persecuting police officers over the death of Freddie Gray, has defended herself all along by insisting that she has no bias against the police because, after all, she hails from a family of cops. But it only recently came to light that her father, mother and uncle, had all been booted off the Boston police force for criminal behavior!

It would be like Al Capone’s kid claiming he would make a great district attorney because his father had had longtime dealings with law enforcement.

Speaking of law enforcement, Joaquin Guzman, the 5’6”drug czar better known as El Chapo (“Shorty”), crawled out of a mile-long tunnel that just happened to originate below his shower stall at the Altiplano Federal Penitentiary. Nobody can explain how it happened, least of all the prison guards, who are now driving around in new Lexus SUVs, sporting Rolexes and dating Mexican starlets.

It used to be that when people wanted to state how obvious something was, they’d ask a rhetorical question, such as “Is the Pope Catholic?” or “Does a bear poop in the woods?” In recent times, the questions have been updated to “Is the Pope a Communist?” and “Does Barack Obama poop on the Constitution?”

A reader recently asked me how I would sum up liberals without using obscenities. I acknowledged it would be difficult, but that I would give it a try. I came up with the following: A liberal is someone who thinks 14-year-olds should be able to have abortions behind their parents’ back; that eight-year-olds should be able to have their genitalia altered on a whim; and that marijuana should be legalized; but think nicotine is a weapon of mass destruction; that cigarette smoking is an act of terrorism; and believe there should be a 12-step program for those who drink soda pop.

Another reader asked me if I noticed that the camerawork in movies and TV has become very quirky. I admitted I hadn’t. Mainly what I’ve noticed is that directors and cinematographers are under-lighting every scene, including daylight exteriors. It’s as if they’re suffering under the delusion that they’ve re-invented radio.

Over the past couple of decades, the language Gestapo has done everything in its power to emasculate English, turning perfectly legitimate words into linguistic eunuchs. These days, like a child learning to cross streets, you are being warned to look both ways before opening your mouth.

Oddly enough, the NAACP is the one place where it is still acceptable to refer to blacks as Colored People. And inasmuch as the word that the same-sex marriage crowd enjoys clubbing the rest of us with is “homophobia,” I guess that means we can finally take a deep breath and return “gay” to its former meaning of happy and joyous; and once again refer to the sodomites as “homosexuals” or even “homos,” for short.

Finally, I think that most of us are at long last aware of the fact that when Obama vowed to radically transform America, he meant it exactly the way Bruce Jenner meant it when declaring that he is now and forever Caitlyn.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, July 24, 2015

Practical Jokes & Political Jokers

The main reason I hate practical jokes is because they aren’t funny. It’s bad enough that their sole purpose is to humiliate someone by making him the brunt of the nastiness. But then, for good measure, he has to pretend he enjoyed it more than anyone, lest he be regarded as being a bad sport and lacking a sense of humor.

That is pretty much how I regard the election and re-election of Barack Obama. He’s a very bad joke perpetrated by 70 million lunkheads and if the rest of us don’t pretend to be happy about it, we’re labeled racists.

As some of you know, I welcomed Donald Trump into the race, not because I wanted to see him elected, but because every election should have a gadfly who can afford to utter some uncomfortable truths, mainly because it won’t cost him the election. But I keep hearing rumors that if he doesn’t garner the GOP nomination, Trump would consider running as a third party candidate. Rumors, he hasn’t seen fit to deny. As anyone, including Hillary Clinton understands, it’s only the Republicans who ever splinter their party. You can bet that even the most avid supporters of Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden will unite in voting for Hillary in 2016.

But when it comes to those who carry the banner for Rand Paul and Rick Santorum, there are no such guarantees they will rally around the Republican nominee. So if Trump decides that his ego can’t accept being passed over in favor of Walker, Perry, Fiorina or even Bush, and insists on running as a third party candidate, I will hate him even more than I hate Hillary.

America really doesn’t need another Ross Perot paving the way for a third Clinton presidency.

Knowing that I don’t watch late night TV talk shows, a friend sent me a Conan O’Brien line I wish I’d written: “Did it surprise anyone that the country that invented the philosophy major just went broke?”

The single purpose of the BDS (boycott, divest, sanctions) movement now gathering steam on our college campuses is to isolate and dehumanize Israel. Under the pretense that Israel is oppressing the Palestinians -- those wonderful people who voted to be governed by the terrorist group Hamas -- college professors and their young charges are doing the dirty work for the Jew-haters in the Middle East.

Conservative parents should determine if their offspring are taking part in this campaign. If that’s the case, they should try to talk sense to them. If that doesn’t work, cut off their allowances. If even that fails, have them abducted and reprogrammed the way parents used to do in the 80s and 90s when so many young airheads fell under the influence of cult leaders.

I can’t begin to imagine how heartbreaking it must be for parents -- particularly Jewish conservatives -- to discover that their children are proud to join forces with the anti-Semites. It’s bad enough raising liberals without having the kids wind up being nothing more than what various Kremlin leaders dismissed over the years as “useful idiots.”

The worst thing about these idiots is that they often have the notoriety required to inspire others to join their misbegotten movement. Some of the better known inhabitants of the open-air asylum have included H.G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, Walter Duranty, Paul Robeson, Dalton Trumbo, Henry Wallace, Alger Hiss, Lillian Hellman, Kim Philby, Guy Burgess, Donald Maclean, Edward Snowden and Pope Francis. The moral of their sad story is that education lacking wisdom or even the vestige of common sense is as useless as a top hat on a rooster.

Recently a reader passed along a political quiz consisting of a series of questions on everything from taxes and social issues to the defense budget and ObamaCare. Once you took the quiz, which consisted of about 30 multiple choice answers, you were told with which of the presidential contenders you were most closely aligned.

After answering all the questions, I was informed that I agreed with Marco Rubio 95% of the time. So far as the others went, Cruz and I saw eye to eye 89% of the time, Walker 80% of the time, Bush 79%, all the way down to Bernie Sanders at 30%. I thought it was possible that Rubio and I were, politically speaking, Siamese twins. After all, I can’t pretend I was aware of Rubio’s position on all these various issues. Heck, until I took the quiz, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about some of them.

Still, I am enough of a skeptic to question just about everything sent my way. So, as a test, I then passed the quiz along to my wife and a dozen friends. Eight of them got back to me. And would you believe that every single one of them wound up being most closely aligned with Marco Rubio? In fact, 95% turned out to be the magic number.

Although I had to admit I thought it was cleverly carried off, it has led me to harbor second thoughts about Florida’s junior senator. It struck me as the sort of cheap trick I have come to expect of Democrats.

Another of my readers, Dr. Richard Stiso, let me know that if he could ask Hillary Clinton one question, it would be the same one put to her husband in 1992: namely, whether she wears boxers or briefs.

The media is amazed -- so easy to amaze the media -- that Bernie Sanders is drawing enormous crowds, the largest of any contender. Perhaps it’s because the media knows even less about history than they do about current events, but they’d do well to recall that in 1948, another hero of the Left, a former vice-president named Henry Wallace, drew tremendous crowds. Wallace, a mouthpiece for the Soviet Union, drew even larger crowds than either Harry Truman or Tom Dewey, but on Election Day, he ran fourth, trailing even segregationist Strom Thurmond (D, SC).

In the end, Truman won with 24 million popular votes and 303 electoral votes, Dewey garnered 22 million and 189, Senator Thurmond received 1,168,134 votes and even 39 electoral votes. In the meantime, Wallace, the crowd favorite, collected a measly 1,157,057 votes and not a single electoral vote.

Finally, an ancient Chinese philosopher-once observed: “It is when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without resorting to violence.”

However, it was a great American sage, yours truly, who observed: “Violence should be met with even greater violence. Otherwise, they win and you lose. And so far as mosquitoes are concerned, a great many problems could be avoided if men, politicians in particular, would just learn to keep their pants on.”

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

"Lincoln, Obama & Other Villains" and "The Fibber-in-Chief"

Barack Obama has declared that the best way to defeat ISIS is not with guns, but by coming up with better ideas. I beg to differ. If you’re ISIS and looking to terrify your enemies and trying to convert sadists to your mission, you’d be hard-pressed to come up with a better idea than beheading, burning and crucifying, the opposition.

As for Obama, this is the same knucklehead who came up with Cash for Clunkers, Operation Fast & Furious, pushing the reset button with Russia, negotiating with Iran and the Affordable Care Act. If these are the best ideas he can come up with, we really do need to give guns a shot, as it were.

Another of Obama’s brainstorms was to deplete our Army from 570,000 in 2010 to 490,000 in 2014 and now all the way down to 450,000. I suppose this is Obama’s way of letting us know that in spite of what’s happening in Iran, Syria, Iraq, Ukraine, North Korea and China, we’re safer than ever under his watch.

I don’t know how everyone else feels about it, but I never again want to hear anyone, but especially not a Republican, refer to “comprehensive immigration reform.” The Democrats promised Reagan that in exchange for his signing the amnesty bill in 1986, they would shut down the border.

Naturally, they failed to keep their word. And thanks to a lousy economy, they can now insist that there is barely a trickle of illegals sneaking across the border. But without shutting it down once and for all, once the economy turns around, the trickle will once again turn into a flood.

Until the border is shut down so tightly that not even a Mexican mouse can make it across, everything said on the subject is just an excuse to troll for votes, not to safeguard the nation’s sovereignty.

Speaking of which, if the United States is such a terrible place where every white person is a racist until proven otherwise and every cop is a thug, why do urban blacks continue to hang around? After all, Latin Americans trek hundreds, even thousands of miles, to get here. But all those long-suffering blacks refuse to even consider moving to Canada.

I’m not telling them to leave, you understand, but if I lived in a country that treated me as badly as people like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Louis Farrakhan, Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, Eric Holder and Marilyn Mosby, insist is the case, I know I wouldn’t stick around any longer than it would take me to pack.

Even in the wake of Kate Steinle’s being shot to death by Francisco Chavez, who could easily be the poster boy for illegal alien felons, San Francisco continues to take pride in its status as a sanctuary city. In the meantime, conservative groups continue to display their own lack of conviction by failing to announce they’ve decided to hold their conferences and conventions elsewhere. Why is it that only liberals ever decide to show their pique through the peaceful, but very effective, means of a boycott?

One fascinating aspect of Chavez shooting Ms. Steinle is that, aside from the multitude of times blacks have gunned down other blacks in places like Chicago, Detroit and Baltimore, it marks the very first time that someone has been shot in America and Obama has not called for stricter gun laws.

It’s bad enough that Barack Obama has decided not to prosecute drug crimes, but what imbecile decided that the best way to punish criminals is to deport them to Mexico? Mr. Chavez had already been deported five times. But when your border consists of some invisible line in the sand or the Rio Grande, such a sentence carries the same weight as giving a seven-year-old who’s been acting up a time-out in his bedroom. At most, it’s a temporary inconvenience.

If it were up to me, I would jail the likes of Mr. Chavez and I would charge Mexico for his upkeep. I wouldn’t send El Presidente a bill, which he would simply ignore. Instead, I would deduct it from the foreign aid we send Mexico every year. In addition, I would prevent Western Union and American banks from transferring funds from people in the States to their relatives south of the border.

I have a feeling that in very short order, Mexico would be busy building a wall of its own at the border.

In the wake of a piece I wrote calling for an end to “Innocent by reason of insanity,” a judgment that serves no other purpose than to treat some murderers, rapists and child molesters, more leniently than others, someone suggested changing it to “Guilty by reason of insanity.” But, as I wrote back, that doesn’t serve any real purpose. Guilty is guilty, and once you begin modifying it, you wind up in a swamp, up to your neck in linguistic swill like “hate crimes” and “social justice.”

Recently, while watching Hillary Clinton being tossed softballs by some liberal lobber on CNN, it occurred to me that in spite of having had decades of practice, Mrs. Clinton remains a really terrible liar. In poker circles, a “tell” is the subconscious sign that a player is trying to run a bluff. In Hillary Clinton’s case, the tipoff is that she opens her eyes very wide, trying to mimic sincerity, and speaks more emphatically than usual. The other “tell,” of course, is that her lips are moving.

The NY Times decided to leave Ted Cruz’s book, “A Time for Truth,” off its list of best sellers, although it out-sold other books that made the list. When questioned, the Times explained that their criteria take more than actual sales into account. Perhaps, that being the case, they could change the title of the section to “Best Sellers Written by People with Whose Politics We Happen to Be in Accord.”

When I recently wrote my low opinion of Abe Lincoln, stating that, having been responsible for the deaths of 750,000 Americans, his nickname shouldn’t have been “Honest Abe,” it should have been “Bloody Abe,” I expected some readers to spring to his defense. Instead, I heard from about a dozen people who agreed with me. That should teach me to never underestimate my readers.

They all acknowledged that his primary concern wasn’t the abolition of slavery, but the preservation of the Union, whatever the cost in other people’s lives.

But as it took the deaths of 750,000 young Americans, a number representing nearly three percent of the total population, I believe that only a Stalin, a Hitler or a Mao, would argue that preservation was worth the cost.

To me, the South’s desire to secede is like a wife who wants a divorce. But instead of granting it, the brutal husband beats her to within an inch of her life, turning her into an invalid, and, for good measure, murders most of their kids.

In the aftermath, making it even worse, historians and other assorted pinheads have gone around saying what a great guy he was.

Finally, Bruce Jenner is facing a lawsuit because his reckless driving on Pacific Coast Highway resulted in the death of another driver. I understand he’s come up with a novel defense, blaming it all on Caitlyn, insisting: “Everyone knows women are terrible drivers!”

The Fibber-in-Chief

Barack Obama tells us that the deal he has struck with Iran will prevent a nuclear arms race in the Middle East. But does he really expect us to believe that Turkey and Saudi Arabia are about to trust a piece of paper drawn up by John Kerry and Mohammad Javad Zarif to keep them safe? Inasmuch as most Americans don’t, why on earth would they?

Obama also told us that the only alternative to the deal is war. That’s no truer than his first statement. Additional sanctions were a good second step. And if that didn’t work, going to war should never be off the table when negotiating with an enemy that has been killing Americans and our allies through their terrorist proxies in Syria, Afghanistan, Yemen and Gaza. But if war is inevitable, and one would reasonably expect that the U.S. and the number one sponsor of Islamic terrorism in the world, will eventually butt heads, it should be waged on our timetable, not theirs.

Obama pretends that we need to be chummy with the Ayatollah because we require Iran’s help in defeating ISIS. The day the U.S. military can’t wipe out 40,000 schmucks riding around in trucks is the day we have to start worrying about being invaded by Canada.

But, then, one should never expect honesty from Chicago’s favorite son. After all, even David Axelrod, when asked about Obama’s evolution on same-sex marriages admitted that, for political purposes, Obama had simply lied in 2008 when he said he opposed them.

It wasn’t that long ago that Obama stared down Gov. Jan Brewer, telling her that Arizona had no right to enforce immigration policies that ran counter to federal law. But, today, there are hundreds of cities -- among them San Francisco, L.A., Chicago, New York, San Diego, Philadelphia, Salt Lake and Washington, D.C. -- that have declared themselves to be sanctuaries for illegal aliens, and Obama has nothing but praise for these scofflaw municipalities.

He reminds me of those other liberal elitists, who either go childless or pass their offspring off to nannies to be raised, but behave like permissive parents when it comes to urban blacks, constantly turning a blind eye to their crimes and overall viciousness, while rationalizing and often even encouraging their boorish behavior.

Marty Lave recently wrote to me, pointing out that if liberals are in a dither about the confederate flag symbolizing slavery and the Washington Redskins symbolizing racism, shouldn’t there be a movement to make Loretta Lynch change her moniker? I agree that there is something off-putting about our number one law officer being named Lynch. Perhaps, if asked nicely, she’d consider changing it to Holder. After all, she and the former Attorney General already have so much in common, why not a last name?

Sometimes I feel as if I’ve been invited to a party at which I not only dislike the other guests, but detest the host and hostess. The party I have in mind is the one taking place in our nation’s capital, hosted by the Obamas. And while I can’t blame the presence of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Dick Durbin, Patrick Leahy, Maxine Waters, Alan Grayson and Luis Guiterrez, on Barack and Michelle, I can definitely lay the vile likes of Eric Holder, Lois Lerner, Jeh Johnson, John Kerry, Joe Biden, Valerie Jarrett, John Koskinen and Jonathan Gruber, at their doorstep.

And that, my friends, is what Democrats call a party.

I recently pointed out that aside from noticing that her mouth is moving, the surest way to tell when Hillary Clinton is lying is when you notice that she’s widening her eyes and speaking more emphatically than usual. The tipoff with Obama is that he begins a sentence with “Let me be perfectly clear…”

In fact, every time Obama swears he’s leveling with us, it should come with one of those warnings that alert impressionable children not to try this at home.

The best thing about having a loose cannon like Donald Trump in the race, so long as he doesn’t betray the GOP by running as a third party candidate, is that he forces some of his competitors to show their true colors, which, unfortunately, often happens to be yellow.

Some people, including Fox’s Megyn Kelly, have repeatedly pointed out that whereas Obama is always Johnny-on-the-spot when it comes to reaching out to homosexuals who have outed themselves; freaks like Bruce Jenner; and the families of every black criminal who dies as a result of being shot by the police; he has yet to send his condolences to the family of Kathryn Steinle, the young woman recently murdered by an illegal alien in San Francisco. Inasmuch as the victim was white and the killer Hispanic, we should all be grateful that Obama didn’t simply dismiss it as justifiable homicide.

As many of you are aware, next January I will turn 76. That means that if I die any time soon, only people in their 80s and 90s will say I was cut down prematurely or passed away in my prime. It also means that when I wake up in the morning and something aches, my first thought is whether it’s something terminal.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that whenever I go to a Jewish deli, all the male customers and half the women look like me.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 20, 2015

On Being Jewish & Conservative

It is not as bad being a Jewish conservative as, I would assume, it is to be a black one. Mainly that’s because there are about 30% of Jews who will vote for a Republican, but a mere five percent of blacks who will dare risk antagonizing their friends and relatives.

Also, when a Jew votes for a Republican, other Jews will generally dismiss him as a harmless fool, but they usually won’t refer to him as inauthentic or call him whatever the Jewish equivalent of an Uncle Tom might be.

The thing that tends to confuse Gentiles is that, whereas blacks are thought to possess physical prowess and a sense of rhythm, Jews are stereotyped as being smart or at least, so far as anti-Semites are concerned, sharp and financially cunning.

Having been Jewish for 75 years, my take on it is that although Jews have a patriarchal God, most Jews are not particularly religious. Those who are orthodox in their observance of Judaism are generally the most conservative in their politics.

The homes in which most of us are raised tend to be governed by women. I assume that is why, when it comes to political matters, Jewish men are so often guided by their feelings, rather than by their brains. On the plus side, it helps explain why Jews are so charitable and so concerned with civil rights. On the other hand, it’s the reason that Jewish men find liberalism, which promises to coddle the individual from the cradle to the grave, so alluring.

It’s not a coincidence that the first Jew to make a serious run for the White House is Bernie Sanders, who votes with the Democrats and runs as an Independent, but proudly identifies himself as a Socialist.

For centuries, the Catholic Church targeted Jews, scapegoating them for killing Christ. Inasmuch as Jesus was a Jew and that it was the Romans who crucified him, you might think that one of the early popes might have called the cardinals together and said, “Hey, fellows, let’s think this over.” But I suppose once it was decided to locate the Vatican in Rome, placing the blame where it rightfully belonged didn’t seem like such a hot idea.

Speaking of which, to this day, people still ridicule the Church for charging Galileo with heresy for daring to insist that the earth revolves around the sun, and not the other way around. But today Pope Francis joins with that other eminent man of science, Barack Obama, in proclaiming global warming to be the greatest threat facing mankind, even though even high school students know that CO2 is the stuff that makes plants grow, not the stuff that makes planets die.

The way that the Chicken Littles cluck about the earth heating up, you might picture us being nuked in a microwave. The fact is that the temperature has only increased .8 degrees over the past century. In case you can’t see the little dot in front of the 8, that’s four-fifths of one degree. Moreover, the oceans have risen only 20 centimeters over those same hundred years, just as it has every hundred years for at least the past 500.

This isn’t me talking. It’s Nobel Prize-winning physicist Ivan Giaever, who was one of 70 Nobel Prize laureates who actually supported Obama in 2008, but who now calls Obama’s climate fears “ridiculous.” Dr. Giaever went on to say: “The fact is that over the last hundred years, the temperature has gone up a fraction of a degree and everything has gotten better, not worse. But if it goes up another fraction, they’re saying we’re all going to die. When you have a theory and the theory isn’t borne out by the facts, you have to abandon the theory.”

That’s how science is supposed to work. But not these days, when heresy doesn’t lead to death or exile, but it does lead to a loss of grants, employment and reputation.

This herd instinct has turned a generation of climatologists into liars and poltroons. Their sole mission, it seems, is to promote a hoax hatched by Al Gore and promulgated by everyone, including popes and presidents, with a grudge against capitalism and western civilization. One has to assume that whirring sound you hear is Galileo spinning in his grave.

But, then, nobody should be too surprised by anything Barack Obama says or does. After all, in spite of having little experience in politics or anything else, he won his party’s nomination in 2008 and then went on to be elected twice to the highest office in the land, but nevertheless insists that America’s whites are racist. Considering that white people kept flocking out to vote for the schmuck even after he gave up pretending to be a moderate, it’s possible that when he says “racist,” he really just means dumb.

Obama, having done what he could to destroy our economy and our health care system, isn’t one to rest on his laurels. In order to thwart our ability to support our allies and deter our enemies, he has now decided to cripple the Army by cutting the ranks by 40,000 troops.

Anyone who still doesn’t understand that Obama is doing his very best to destroy this nation has simply stopped paying attention. A two bit hooker wearing a miniskirt and net stockings, swinging a leg while leaning against a lamppost, couldn’t be more blatant about her own intentions.

A recent poll discloses that 35% of Americans and 53% of millennials are seriously considering moving to another country. Might I suggest they consider moving to Mexico in the dead of night? It seems only fair that we try to balance the scales by presenting that country with a hundred million illegal aliens after they’ve given us so much.

Meanwhile, in Germany, a new expression has sprung up: Beware of Greeks bearing IOUs.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, July 17, 2015

"A Few Basic Truths" and "The Devil Negotiates With Himself"

For some of us, the 4th of July has become a melancholy holiday, inevitably reminding us of what we once were and what we have become.

Ours is undeniably a trashy society. Our entertainment has grown increasingly obscene and pornographic; our media has become corrupt; education has morphed into state-sponsored propaganda; and our federal institutions, including the Justice Department, the Secret Service, Congress, the EPA and the IRS, have prostituted themselves, so that today Washington, D.C., more closely resembles a brothel than a national capital.

Some people like to blame Obama, but as vile as he is, he is less the cause than the inevitable result.

I am hoping that a conservative will be elected president in 2016, but that would merely slow our descent, it would not stop it. Too many people get away with not paying income taxes. Swapping their liberty for food stamps, college tuitions and free cell phones, strikes them as a bargain. The government boasts that the unemployment rate is 5.5%, but turns an intentionally blind eye to the fact that another 35% of us aren’t even seeking jobs, so they are magically removed from the ranks of the unemployed.

We are a lot like Ebenezer Scrooge, except that when he was paid a visit by the various Christmas ghosts, he was scared straight. But we see what’s happened to Greece, a socialist government that encouraged its citizens to expect Athens to provide them with everything from health care to pensions, including a fully funded retirement at age 50. And when Athens was no longer up to the task, they expected the Germans to adopt them. Frankly, left-wing nations like Greece, Spain, Portugal and Italy, to whom austerity is a four-letter word, never belonged in the European Union. If they were looking to join a union, they’d have been more at home in the Service Employees International or the American Federation of Teachers.

Frankly, if I had been asked to bail out Greece, I would have insisted that they attempt to pay back what they already owe by selling off some of their assets, including such tourist attractions as their islands, the Parthenon and the Delphi Theatre.

While I have little patience or sympathy for Greece and its 11 million citizens who were quite content to live off the German teat, the fact is that the U.S. has 10 or 15 times that number leeching off the productive members of society, so I fully acknowledge that our glass house is much larger than theirs.

Obviously, nations are not immune to money woes of their own making. But before others fall prey to the lure of indebtedness, perhaps they all would be wise to learn from Nicolas Cage’s example. It is estimated that he has made close to $200 million over the course of his movie career, but like the U.S. Congress, which takes in hundreds of billions of dollars every year, it’s never enough. In Cage’s case, because he couldn’t turn to Germany, he finally had to start selling off his possessions once he filed for bankruptcy.

Among the items he had to unload, usually at a huge loss, were 15 homes, including European castles; a Gulfstream jet; yachts; a private island; an octopus; a shark; a crocodile; a haunted murder mansion in New Orleans; classic comic books; and a 67-million-year-old Tarbosaurus skull. Speaking of that skull, it cost him over $250,000 because he was forced to out-bid that other aging juvenile, Leonardo DiCaprio.

I know that Barack Obama was running victory laps because the noodle-heads on the Supreme Court ruled in his favor on the Affordable Care Act and same-sex marriages. But that same week, he had to listen to Jimmy Carter point out that, with the possible exceptions of Iran and Cuba, we have worse relations today with every other nation on the face of the earth than we had in 2008. I’m not sure that it can get much worse than being dissed by the formerly worst president in American history.

Still, it wasn’t Carter, but Ted Cruz, who demonstrated how insane our foreign policy is by pointing out that we’re going to have an embassy in Havana, but refuse to have one in Jerusalem.

Obama is so demented that he refers to Russia and China as our negotiating partners when it comes to their ally, Iran; while referring to Iran as our ally when it comes to fighting ISIS in Iraq. The fact that we’ve allowed Iran to keep delaying an agreement on its nuclear program has shown the world that a deal is far more important to us than to the Ayatollah.

Another measure of our decline is to be seen in our presidential elections. We are long past the day when FDR could win all but two states, when LBJ could win all but six states, when Nixon could carry the entire country except for Massachusetts and the District of Columbia, and Reagan could carry 49 states. I’m not cheering any of those elections except for the last one, but it’s worth noting that nothing like that could happen again. Today, we are so divided between the red and the blue -- misnamed, by the way, by Tim Russert -- that there are no more than eight or nine states that are actually in play.

I am not a fan of every Republican candidate seeking the nomination, but can you imagine being a Democrat and having to choose between a liar like Hillary Clinton; a moron like Joe Biden; a nonentity like Martin McNally; Lincoln Chafee, whose mission in life is getting the U.S. to adopt the metric system; and a self-identified socialist birdbrain like Bernie Sanders? And yet whichever of them garners the nomination can count on receiving 65-70 million votes.

Some people, and by some people I mean Chris Christie and his handlers, want us to believe that Christie toppled from atop the heap of GOP wannabes because of Bridgegate. That’s because several investigations of that scandal have cleared him of any wrongdoing. But the fact is that what most conservatives despise him for isn’t a traffic tie-up on a bridge, but a cuddle on a beach. It was bad enough that he turned what was supposed to be an introduction to Mitt Romney at the Republican convention into an ode to himself, but far worse is that just a few days before the 2012 election, Christie did everything but French kiss Obama while strolling on the Jersey shore.

Left-wing Fox commentator Mara Liasson compared Donald Trump’s bouts with the media to fighting with a pig: “You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.” She’s right, of course, but she’s obviously confused about which one is the pig.

Univision, the Spanish language TV station, says that 80% of the women crossing our southern border are the victims of rape. So if it’s not Mexicans who are raping them, which is what Trump is being condemned for saying aloud, someone should ask Ms. Liasson who’s doing it.

Could it possibly be the Swedes, the Finns or those notoriously hot-blooded Norwegians?

The Devil Negotiates With Himself

Iwas hoping that Hillary Clinton would see the political advantage in nixing the deal with Iran and putting some daylight between herself and Obama. Now we just have to hope that Senate Democrats, particularly those who will be up for renewal in 2016, will remind themselves that the lame duck in the Oval Office doesn’t have to worry about being re-elected.

On the other hand, perhaps they learned nothing from the fact that 14 of their colleagues have bitten the dust over the past five years, generally because they fell on their swords in defense of the Affordable Care Act. For all I know, perhaps they don’t mind no longer being in the majority. Maybe they relish the fact that they can now stretch out on their side of the aisle because there’s all that extra legroom.

Obama and Kerry pretend that the deal precludes our having to go to war with Iran. The truth is that we’ve been at war with Iran’s proxies for the past 36 years, ever since Jimmy Carter pulled the rug out from under the Shah, ushering in the worldwide plague of radical Islam.

Obama hasn’t brought us peace in our time, he’s merely ensured that when we are inevitably forced to go to war with Iran, they will have nuclear bombs to go with their long range ballistic missiles.

Liberals are so terrified of armed conflict that they will go to any lengths to avoid even considering it. They sit in front of their TV sets and watch ISIS burning, beheading and crucifying, human beings for no other reason than that they’re Christians or the wrong kind of Muslims, and their only reaction is to go “tsk-tsk.” The mere thought of going to war with a rag-tag army of 40,000 driving trucks, lacking even the vestige of an air force, and they take to their beds with a collective case of the vapors.

The truth is that Neville Chamberlain had a far better reason to sign his pact with Hitler than we have for capitulating to the Ayatollah. For one thing, Hitler hadn’t spent the previous twenty years killing Englishmen. For another, England couldn’t rely on America, which was in the clutches of pacifists and the German-American Bund, and he certainly couldn’t count on France, which had anti-Semitism in common with Hitler and nothing in common with England.

For his part, Obama’s role model is obviously Humpty Dumpty, who told Alice that words meant whatever he wanted them to mean. President Dumpty forges a treaty with Iran, but insists it isn’t really a treaty, because that makes it easier for him to bully the Senate into compliance.

In Obama’s world, treaties aren’t treaties and, as we’ve seen with Bowe Bergdahl, traitors aren’t traitors, and as we saw in Baltimore and Ferguson, thugs aren’t thugs and mobs aren’t mobs.

It took Pearl Harbor before the majority of Americans came to their senses in 1941. I hate to think what it will take to wake up Americans these days, but I fear it will be something like the incineration of Tel Aviv.

In order to be fair-minded about liberals, I try really hard to find something good to say about them. But I seemed doomed to failure. It’s bad enough that they’re cowardly when it comes to our enemies. But they’re also hypocritical when it comes to their politicians compared to ours. They get in a tizzy when they discover that Marco Rubio collected four traffic citations in 17 years, but they barely raise an eyebrow about Hillary Clinton’s record of deceit and corruption.

They deride Christians who try to live up to the precepts of their religion, but, like the ancient pagans, they make gods of the oceans, the hills, the trees and even the lowly delta smelt. They can’t successfully provide health care for the masses or even for our military veterans, but they want to be left in charge of the weather.

They condemn Mitt Romney as a wealthy elitist, but they cheer the Clintons, who are far richer and who came by their money through graft and tribute.

Liberals insist they control the moral high ground, but turn a blind eye to Obama and the Justice Department’s insistence that blacks, even the most thuggish of them, are always in the right and the cops are always in the wrong. And when the Republicans take the IRS to task for illegally targeting conservatives, they even stoop to defending Internal Revenue and accuse conservatives of playing politics.

They condemn Republicans over the slightest hint of sexual transgressions, but rally around the trashy likes of Bill Clinton, Bob Packwood and Ted Kennedy.

If all else fails, the liberals always know they can fall back on raising the minimum wage, even though everyone knows or should know by this time that it means that many of the least-educated and least-equipped to survive in the 21st century will be let go because they simply aren’t worth $12 or $15-an-hour to their employers.

Because the liberals have no core principles, but merely a group of competing voting blocs, they often find themselves in a bind. For instance, left-wing environmentalists hate the Keystone pipeline, but left-wing unions want the jobs that go with it. Liberals hate fast food establishments because they are always far more concerned with the fat in their bellies than with the fat in their heads. However, they can’t hate them too much because if there wasn’t such a demand for burgers and fries, millions of illegal aliens and liberal arts college grads would be hard-pressed to find a job.

Like most Republicans, I thought Scott Walker’s announcement that he was running for president was no worse than most of the others. Alas, it also wasn’t any better, unless you happened to own Kohl’s department stores. I trust they will donate generously to Walker’s campaign after he delivered a 15-minute commercial lauding their prices, their men’s ware and their coupons.

I know that politicians hate it when I give them advice. But I happen to like Governor Walker, and I hope he heeds my counsel. It is a very bad idea to nod your head after every sentence you utter. We already assume you agree with yourself. But that incessant nodding not only makes you look less than presidential, it makes you resemble one of those dashboard doggies.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Chaos, Crises & Catastrophes

One can easily distinguish the difference between conservatives and liberals when you consider the difference between the rollout of Republican and Democrat contenders for the 2016 nomination. The real difference isn’t merely in terms of numbers, with over a dozen Republicans tossing their hats in the ring and less than half that number of Democrats, but in the way the voters are responding.

Even though, Jim Webb, Martin McNally and even Bernie Sanders, have more accomplishments on their resumes and far fewer scandals, most Democrats can’t wait to elect Hillary Clinton to a position that she is totally unsuited, by experience, character or temperament, to hold.

Most Republicans, on the other hand, and I include myself, are willing to give people like Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Rick Santorum and Jeb Bush, the old heave-ho for far fewer and lesser sins. The notion that Republicans would rally around someone as corrupt and contemptible as Mrs. Clinton is laughable.

Republicans tend to respect their political leaders, but only those few who deserve it. For the most part, we see politicians as necessary evils. We do not blindly adore them, recognizing that they come to us with warts intact and having the usual flaws and foibles that go with being mortals. If one of ours appeared, as Obama did in 2008, standing in front of Greek columns and claiming to be The One, we would surely laugh him off stage. At the same time, we would sincerely hope he sought professional help in order to deal with his messiah complex.

Democrats believe their presidents are gods, possibly because they don’t believe in God, but feel the need to believe in something bigger than themselves. But, then, we should keep in mind that these pinheads are only too ready to believe that Bruce Jenner is a real woman and that same-sex marriages are real marriages.

You can say what you will about Republicans like Bob Dole, John McCain, George Bush and Mitt Romney, but I can’t imagine anyone, including their political opponents, seriously questioning their basic humanity.

Clearly, the Democrats aren’t nearly as fastidious when it comes to their candidates. They even give iconic status to someone like Bill Clinton, who, had he pursued a career in any other field, would have been dismissed as white trash, just as Barack Obama should be regarded, like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, as black trash.

I mean, would anyone, even 30 short years ago, have ever imagined that of their own free will a majority of Americans would elect and then re-elect a president who kowtows to the likes of Iran, Cuba and Islam, while displaying open contempt for the United States, Israel and Christianity?

Would anyone ever dream that a president who gives shout-outs to Muslims, homosexuals and Bruce Jenner, but expresses very little enthusiasm for our allies -- including those fighting our wars for us in Iraq, Syria and Ukraine -- and has, for good measure, destroyed the finest healthcare service in the world, could be applauded by tens of millions of Americans?

Would you ever imagine a President bathing the White House in colored lights to celebrate the Supreme Court’s absurd decision to give legal status to a notion as asinine as same-sex marriages?

The upshot is that the man who claimed there was no blue America or red America has single-handedly divided a nation between black and white, male and female, young and old, rich and poor, normal and perverted, to such an extent that it dwarfs the divide that existed after the Civil War.

I was watching a so-so movie on TV the other night. It was called “Begin Again.” Mainly, I tuned it in because I generally like the stars, Keira Knightly and Mark Ruffalo. The set-up was that Knightly was the girlfriend of a singer. They had been together for five years, but he has a gig that separates them for a few weeks, and upon his return, she realizes he has slept with another woman.

When she confronts him, he admits his guilt, but explains, “It just happened.”

Whereas Ms. Knightly’s character is shocked and hurt, I laughed. As I see it, spring showers just happen. Tidal waves and earthquakes just happen. But sexual intercourse requires some amount of planning. After all, it involves two people deciding to take off all their clothes and hopping into bed together. I admit I’m getting pretty old, but I still remember that much.

As a result, I didn’t have much sympathy for her, and not just because I didn’t like the songs she wrote very much. If a couple goes together for five years without getting married, I don’t believe you have to be as cynical as I am to suspect one or both of them is lying about being faithful.

Recently, I saw that Chicago’s teachers were once again striking, even though they are probably the highest paid bunch of incompetent oafs this side of Congress. It occurred to me that it’s high time that strikers improved their game. I like tradition as much as the next guy, but picket lines have looked and sounded the same for a hundred years. They consist of glassy-eyed people holding badly written signs, doing the zombie walk and chanting inanities that would bore a small child after five seconds.

Would it kill them to sing and dance for higher wages, fewer hours and perhaps paternity and maternity leave for the trans-genders in their ranks?

For many years, I have resented Hollywood types who pretend, as all liberals do, that they cry themselves to sleep over the travails of the poor. I keep waiting to hear that one of them has decided that he or she doesn’t really need 10 or 15 million dollars for a movie, and has decided to divide one or two million among the supporting cast, the stuntmen, the makeup people, the gaffers and the grips. I’m still waiting.

It has also struck me how unnecessary it is to pay people like Antonio Banderas, Cameron Diaz, Tom Hanks, Eddie Murphy, Tim Allen, Billy Crystal, Mike Myers and Kristen Bell, millions of dollars to provide the voices of cats, toys and ogres, in animated movies. After all, Disney managed to make “Snow White,” “Bambi,” “Pinocchio” and “Cinderella,” without requiring name actors.

But, as I recently discovered, things aren’t any better when it comes to TV. Although I tend to record everything I watch so that I can fast-forward through the commercials, I managed to spot Andie MacDowell, Julianne Moore, Jeff Goldblum and Matthew McConaughey, hawking something or other last week. Although I can’t recall what they were peddling, one could at least argue that celebrities in ads are more likely to get products noticed, whereas nobody goes to see an animated feature because of whose voices are on the soundtrack.

Even if they don’t give a second thought to their fellow SAG members, most of whom would be on welfare if they didn’t moonlight selling real estate or waiting tables, is all this extracurricular activity really necessary? Is there simply no such thing in our society as having enough money even if you’re a millionaire?

I have no doubt that if I tied a twenty dollar bill to my rear bumper, Warren Buffet and George Soros would chase me around the block. But, because you’re always hearing actors go on and on about the grand fellowship of thespians, especially when they’re accepting awards, you somehow expect more of them. Perhaps it’s the natural result of confusing them with the often admirable characters they get to portray.

Still, where liberals are concerned, one should never give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, these are the same people who, when they can afford it, don’t think twice about forking over $35,000 to attend an Obama fund raiser, but balk at paying their personal assistants $10-an-hour.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Monday, July 13, 2015

"Liberalism is a Narcotic" and "Trump Thumps The Pundits"

Karl Marx was convinced that religion was the opium of the masses. That, no doubt, was the reason he decided to make a religion of his screwy economic theory. Surely it must have occurred to him that if people were willing to accept improbable miracles on faith, they might also be convinced that economic policies that fly in the face of reality and human nature could also gain a foothold.

And he was right, in spite of the fact that his notions have failed time and again all around the world, inevitably ending in the tyranny by the few and the enslavement of the many.

Nothing, we’ve been told, succeeds like success. But as socialists and communists have shown for the past century, thanks to the terminally gullible, occasionally nothing succeeds like failure.

Today, in the greatest irony of all, you have major religions following the tenets of Marx while simultaneously ignoring those of Christ. You have a Catholic pope parroting left-wing propaganda and showing far more concern about global warming than about Christians being burned, crucified and beheaded, by Muslims.

At the same time, you have Protestant church leaders siding with terrorist groups and calling for the divestment of investments in Israel, in spite of the fact that most American Protestants support the Jewish state and understand that Israel would like nothing better than to live in peace with its neighbors, if only those neighbors would stop trying to exterminate them.

Here in the U.S., we have seen the Boy Scouts, Catholic adoption agencies, along with Christian bakers, florists and photographers, all come under attack because they have, to some extent, not accepted sodomy as a norm.

We are all told to shape up and accept homosexuality on its own terms because, as five members of the Supreme Court pretty much stated in its majority decision, these people are simply in wuv. The decision I’m anxiously awaiting is the one they will inevitably be called upon to adjudicate, the one involving consenting bigamists and polygamists. I would think that so long as all the petitioners were consenting adults, Anthony Kennedy, for one, would have a very tough time explaining why twenty people should be denied the same right as two people to express their wuv by exchanging wedding vows.

Speaking of the Supreme Court, whatever your politics or personal beliefs, you have to admit that the Democrats are experts when it comes to seating justices who will see things their way. Republicans, on the other hand, seem content to pull names out of a hat.

If you doubt it, consider that between them, Clinton and Obama have appointed Breyer, Ginsburg, Kagan and Sotomayor. No surprises there. Each of them has voted exactly the way Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton, would if they were on the Court.

On the other hand, between them, Reagan and the two Bushes placed seven justices, including one Chief Justice, on the high court. Although they got it right with Scalia, Thomas and Alito, it might as well have been Obama who paved the way for Kennedy, O’Connor, Souter and Roberts, to wear bathrobes to work.

One surprising fact I recently discovered about the current Court is that in spite of the fact that fewer than one in four Americans is Catholic or Jewish, all nine justices are either one or the other.

When I recently suggested that after all their recent computer hacking, the least that China could do was let us know what was on Hillary Clinton’s private server, a couple of readers decided I was being serious. I guess with some people, you have to add a “ha-ha” at the end of a sentence before they know you’re joking.

In both cases, they let me know that China would never hand over any damaging email. Instead, they would use it to blackmail Mrs. Clinton. I looked in vain for the “ha-ha,” so I decided they were serious. But the notion of blackmailing Mrs. Clinton strikes me as funnier than my line about the Chinese.

After all, we already know what she did and said in connection to Benghazi; we know she used a private server in violation of law and ethics; and that she and Bill were pocketing millions in bribes while she was Secretary of State. In spite of all that, seventy million Democrats are dying to vote for her in 2016. Does anyone really believe that anything the Chinese could disclose, including the alleged affair she’s long been rumored to be carrying on with Huma Abedin, vice-chairwoman of Hillary’s presidential campaign, could cool their ardor? After all, Bill Clinton was elected twice, and tales of his sexual misconduct were more than rumors.

It’s not just the sorry state of politics that makes our society such an embarrassment. Millions of unmarried women give birth, and they’re celebrated. Moreover, the boy friends get to brag about it with no fear of financial or legal consequences. Actors, actresses, singers and athletes, go on TV and boast of their addictions to booze, drugs and sex, and they’re applauded. Bruce Jenner decides he’s a woman and the Commander-in-Chief praises his courage.

Worst of all, not only do most Americans now pride themselves on being non-judgmental, they’ve been taught to regard it as a virtue.

Finally, when the University of Missouri at Kansas City sought a celebrity to headline a gala marking the opening of a women’s hall of fame, they first reached out to Hillary Clinton. But they were told it would cost them $275,000. I know that sounds like a lot of money to the university and to most of us, but you have to remember that 14 short years ago, she and Bill were flat broke, if you don’t count the $20 million in book advances.

Once the organizers of the gala got over their shock, they decided to invite Chelsea Clinton. For a 10-minute address, she agreed to show up for a mere $65,000. Never mind that, on a prorated basis, that still works out to $390,000-an-hour.

No one family -- not the Bushes, not the Kennedys, not even the Kardashians -- has more chutzpah than the Clintons. In spite of having billions in the slush fund they refer to as a Foundation, they never weary of griping about the disparity of income in America -- arguing how unfair it is that corporate CEOs make a hundred times as much as their employees . However, they see nothing out of kilter about Chelsea being paid much more for 10 minutes of her time than any of the hardworking waiters, waitresses and busboys, at the event will earn in a year.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote: “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me.” If Fitzgerald had ever met the Clintons, he might have added: “They are hypocrites of the worst kind.”

Trump Thumps the Pundits

It seems to me that when crazy white people like Adam Lanza, James Holmes and Dylann Roof, occasionally shoot a bunch of other white people, liberals will inevitably insist that stricter gun laws need to be enacted. But when 10 or 15 black people are shot by other black people on a typical weekend in Chicago, the poster city for gun control laws, liberals are as quiet as very shy mice. It makes me wonder if they really don’t believe that black lives matter all that much.

Furthermore, when an illegal alien shoots and kills an American citizen -- as happened in San Francisco recently, when a schmuck who’d been deported five times after committing seven felonies, murdered a young woman -- liberals, not to mention other GOP presidential contenders, responded by telling Donald Trump to shut up.

The hypocrites in both parties like to pretend that Trump slandered every Hispanic, including Father Junipero Serra, Fernando Lamas and Carmen Miranda, when all he did was tell the truth about illegal alien scumbags.

I’d like to know how it is that places like Arizona, Missouri and now Donald Trump, have all faced boycotts by tourists, unions and/or corporate entities -- among them, in Trump’s case, Macy’s, NBC, Serta and NASCAR -- but places like San Francisco and New York get to brag about being sanctuary cities for those who have broken into our country, but they face no financial consequences whatsoever.

What Trump is proving, if the polls are to be believed, is the truth inherent in the words written by 18th century scientist/philosopher Georg Lichtenberg: “It is almost impossible to carry the torch of truth through a crowd without singeing somebody’s beard.”

The Founding Fathers declared that there is a time when blood must be spilled in defense of liberty, whether the enemy is British or Islamic, and a time, as the loony response to Trump’s words suggests, when beards must be singed in defense of honesty.

One of the things that Trump said that has come in for the most derision from Fox’s resident pundits is that he would build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. Is it just possible that Charles Krauthammer and George Will are unaware of the fact that the U.S. provided Mexico with $418 million in foreign aid in 2013 and another $971 million in 2014? Don’t you think we could build a pretty decent wall for $1.4 billion over the next two years if we simply decided to separate Mexico from America’s teat?

For me, one of the things I enjoy the most about Trump’s politically incorrect pronouncements is the way that sober-sided commentators like Will and Krauthammer, not to mention Jeb Bush, respond like Pavlovian Chihuahuas, yipping about all the serious issues being ignored and how Trump, whom they dismiss as a circus clown, is destroying the hallowed GOP brand.

Perhaps they could take their own advice and concern themselves with all the issues, from a $19 trillion national debt and a nuclear Iran to inexcusable Supreme Court appointments and a lousy trade agreement that the Republicans are doing precious little about. In fact, Obama’s trade deal only passed because the Republican cavalry rode to its rescue.

It should also be noted by those out to bury Trump that among Hispanics who are here legally, illegal immigration is very low on their list of concerns. Like all sensible Americans, they care about jobs, education and national security. It’s only a bunch of race-baiting Hispanic politicians like Xavier Becerra, Linda Sanchez and Luis Guiterrez, who are looking to increase their potential supporters through porous borders and sanctuary cities, that pretend that Hispanic Americans are eager to welcome drug dealers, gangbangers and those looking to steal their jobs, with open arms.

Fortunately, not every state is as anxious as California, New York and Massachusetts, to roll over for this administration. Texas has had enough of school lunches mandated by Michelle Obama, but paid for by taxpayers, being dumped in trash cans. Texas Commissioner of Agriculture Sid Miller has belatedly come to his senses and is lifting the ban on deep fryers in school kitchens.

Every so often, it seems, the Texans have to remind the rest of us that, all evidence to the contrary, this isn’t the United States of Obama, and our flag doesn’t consist of 13 stripes and 57 stars.

Still, while we may not be the United States of Obama, we are no longer the United States of America. We’ve been Balkanized by our political divisions. By now, I despise the blue states even more than I do Russia, China or North Korea. That’s because I regard them as far greater and more immediate threats to the America the divinely-inspired Founders created and passed down to us.

Finally, we have all grown up and grown old hearing that great minds think alike. While it’s true that great minds may agree about many things, I’m not convinced they think alike.

What I’ve come to believe is that really great minds are great because they think differently.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?


Friday, July 10, 2015

Unburdening My Mind

In a way, I envy those pundits who write once a week about a single issue and are satisfied with themselves. I write three or four times a week, cover multiple topics every time out, and I still feel I’m falling behind.

For instance, I don’t feel strongly one way or another about the Confederate flag. I understand why good people would have strong feelings on both sides of the controversy. On the other hand, I don’t share the belief of most people that Abraham Lincoln was a great president or a great human being. As he made clear, he wasn’t waging a war to eliminate slavery, but to preserve the Union. Would it have mattered if the Union hadn’t survived? I don’t think so. What would have been so terrible about there being two separate nations? When it served their mutual interests, as with trade or waging war against a common foe, they could have easily worked together, just as we do with Canada.

The South would have soon enough eliminated slavery because, one, it would have become economically unsound and, two, their trading partners would have forced the issue.

I sincerely believe that the reason for Lincoln’s enduring popularity was the result of his being named Abraham and resembling a biblical prophet and having a gift for high-sounding oratory. Otherwise, the world would have looked at the 700,000 young dead Americans and, instead of Honest Abe, we would more appropriately refer to him as Bloody Abe.

Although he has come to be regarded as a poor country lawyer, he was in fact a highly successful attorney whose fees were often paid by railroad magnates.

Given that Lincoln not only suspended habeas corpus during the War, but encouraged General Sherman to burn down homes and farms in his march to the sea, and did nothing to prevent Union forces from using Southern homes as their own and to steal food from starving Southern women and children, the prevailing notion that he is one of our greatest and most compassionate presidents is as absurd as suggesting that the only ones greater have been Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama.

In addition to its other recent, more noteworthy, decisions, the Supreme Court has decided in a 5-4 decision, as reported by Investor’s Business Daily, “that housing and lending discrimination lawsuits based on no proof other than statistics showing different outcomes by minority groups are within the bounds of civil rights law. It agreed with housing rights advocates that zoning and underwriting policies that have a harmful effect – or disparate impact -- on minorities are illegal, even if that harm is unintentional.”

In other words, the Supremes have introduced a time bomb into an already shaky economy by deciding that if statistics suggest that even if the actual reason that blacks and Hispanics have a tougher time receiving home loans is because they lack the down payment or a credible credit history, lending institutions will be forced to provide the loans. Can we all say “housing bubble”?

Someone sent me an email showing an open container of Tylenol with a caption reading “CNN Breaking News: South Carolina to ban the sale of Tylenol because they fear picking the cotton out of the bottle may represent racism and slavery.” Silly of course, but, as I wrote back: “A joke today, an issue tomorrow.”

What I find fascinating is that it’s nearly always liberals who parrot Santayana’s line about those who refuse to learn from history being doomed to repeat it, but it’s always they who ignore the facts regarding the ultimate fate of every socialistic nation ranging from Soviet Russia to Nazi Germany, from Cuba to Greece.

These days, whether they’re arguing for the absolute right to abortions on demand or same-sex marriages, liberals insist they’re on the right side of history, and then point to young voters as proof of that silly claim. Among liberals, the only people who have a looser grasp of history than elderly pinheads like Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton, are the young pinheads in our college classrooms.

I am proud to have among my most loyal readers` a pastor who worked for many years as a prison minister. Although he claims to have had great success in bringing prisoners to the Lord, I have always been a respectful Doubting Thomas. As I had occasion to write last week: “You would know better than I, but I am always extremely skeptical of prison conversions because most convicts are simply looking for a way to game parole boards. My own take on it is that God wasn’t hiding before they were caught and convicted. The only prison conversions I believe are sincere are those brought about by Islamic clerics. And that’s for the same reason that a certain segment of the population was attracted to the Gestapo and the KGB: a system that promises to reward, not punish, rape and murder will always have to beat off sadistic applicants with a stick.”

Although I intend to go down fighting, or at least writing, I don’t believe that the America the Founders visualized can be resuscitated. We are doomed by demographics, but that’s only a part of it. It’s not even just politics. While we can easily improve on Obama, just as Reagan improved on Carter, a difference worth noting is that Carter wasn’t re-elected; Obama was, and we are stuck with the same electorate.

I’m hardly a fuddy-duddy, but when so many people are in favor of legalizing narcotics; celebrating homosexuality; defending jury nullification; promoting abortions on demand, welfare for able-bodied men and women and dual-citizenship; while turning a blind eye to skyrocketing rates of illegitimate births; a pop culture that targets the lowest common denominator; a media and an education system that see their primary role as propagandists for the Left, I see very little worth salvaging.

That’s not to say I don’t have a few ideas that might improve things a little. For instance, those who were in favor of the Supreme Court’s legitimizing same-sex marriages like to compare it to the 1967 decision that struck down the laws prohibiting inter-racial marriages. What they choose to overlook is that the earlier decision was the result of a 9-0 vote; this time, the Court over-turned thousands of years of tradition and, I would suggest, common sense with a 5-4 vote.

However I personally feel about Court decisions, on issues that affect the entire country, I don’t believe a 5-4 decision should settle anything. Criminal cases require 12 people to reach a unanimous decision. Even civil cases require a two-thirds vote. So how is it that a mere 55% of the Supremes are allowed to make final life-changing decisions affecting 100% of 320,000,000 of us?

If even six or, better yet, seven of them can’t come to an agreement, I think they should keep their opinions to themselves.

I even know how to stop the state from compelling religious florists, bakers and photographers, to service same-sex weddings. We just need that guy who went into the offices of ACORN with a video camera, asking for government funding of a proposed brothel employing underage Latinas, to enter a bakery owned by a Muslim and demand he whip up a cake for a unisex marriage.

Speaking of which, one of the greatest propaganda campaigns ever waged in the U.S. was the one that turned homosexuality from a condition that the Psychiatric Association of America designated a mental disorder to being an alternative life style and, finally, a civil right, all within a few decades.

The way it was conducted was by always portraying homosexuals as sympathetically as possible in the media. They were rarely if ever depicted as criminal or even greedy. Instead, they were passed off as the best neighbors anyone could dream of and, most important of all, as asexual as stuffed toys. Lust was apparently the furthest thing from their thoughts, as they baked cookies and babysat for their friends, gossiped with their female chums and made witty, cutting, comments about straight men.

To blow that well-staged campaign out of the water, all you’d have to do is to devise a way to show sodomy in action.

Finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The results of the latest Prelutsky Poll are in. Most of you, I’m happy to report, abided by my request that you vote for only one candidate and to place his or her name in the subject line. I blame myself, though, for merely assuming that people would vote for one of the Republicans who was actually pursuing the nomination. As a result, twelve non-contenders, including Mitt Romney, Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, Tim Scott and Trey Gowdy, received between one and seven votes. Because I’m the one who got the seven votes, I can certainly understand the temptation to vote with their hearts. Fortunately, I was able to persuade most of the 26 rebels to vote for one of the announced candidates.

So, without further ado, I can report that Scott Walker was the runaway favorite, scoring almost as many votes (116) as the next two, Ted Cruz (70) and Marco Rubio (52).

If I were conducting the debates and had to limit the speakers to 10, the other seven qualifiers would be Carly Fiorina (42), Donald Trump (36), Ben Carson (25), Rick Perry (12), Rand Paul (11), Bobby Jindal (8) and Jeb Bush (6). The also-rans were John Kasich (5), Mike Huckabee (2) and Chris Christie (1).

I wish to thank the nearly 400 of you who took part, and to let you know there will be additional polls as we draw nearer to the primaries.

©2015 Burt Prelutsky. Comments?